Mike & Molly s04e17 Episode Script

Just doing our job.
Oh, no, sir.
This is my house.
Mi casa.
All right, Serpico, here's what I got so far: "We saw the suspect had a flat tire.
"Pulled over to assist.
Trunk was left open, where Officer Biggs spotted the guns" No.
I spotted the guns.
You spotted the hooker in the passenger seat.
Which is the reason we pulled over in the first place.
Here's how it went down.
McMillan and Biggs Biggs and McMillan.
For the rhythm.
Fine.
Biggs and McMillan spotted a suspect brandishing a tire iron.
He was changing a flat.
Well, we didn't know that.
The flat tire didn't give it away? Let me finish.
Officer McMillan seven-year veteran of the force, twice decorated pulled the patrol car over to give assistance.
Suspect reaches into the trunk for unknown object.
It was a spare tire.
Man, don't "Monday morning quarterback" my story.
Okay.
Two meatballs.
Yeah.
Ah, no, uh, I ordered the chef's salad.
I got pastrami.
I know.
That's just the name I put on the bag so I knew who I was delivering it to.
Yeah.
You're gonna change your tune tonight when you see us on the news.
Me and Mike just finished busting a gun-running gang.
Gang? It was a hillbilly and a prostitute.
I don't want to see you anywhere near me when I'm telling this story at the bar later.
Okay.
'Cause some lucky lady's gonna be spending the night on a hero's futon.
McMillan, phone! I'll bet it's the mayor to give us a pat on the back.
Says she's your mother.
You mean my grandmother.
She said, "mother.
" My mom's dead.
All right, then there's a ghost on line two.
Hello.
This is he.
But I think you got the wrong Carl McMillan; My mother's deceased.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
My grandma's name is Rosetta.
Yeah.
She does live on Oxford Street.
Yeah I was born with an extra pinky toe.
What's goin' on? This woman says she's my mother.
Uh-huh.
No, no, no, I'm still here.
I thought his mother passed away when he was little.
So did he.
McMillan, mayor on line one.
I ain't got no time to talk to that fool.
I got my dead mother on the phone.
La, la-ba-dee-da La, la-ba-dee-da For the first time in my life I see love I see love For the first time in my life I see love All right, then, well, I'll-I'll let you rest.
Okay.
Good-bye.
You okay? Yeah.
No.
I, I just, I don't know what I am.
What did she want? She's in a hospital down in Memphis.
She's very sick and she wants to see me.
So you gonna go? I, I don't know.
I'm just trying to wrap my head around her being alive.
Are you sure it was your mother? Uh you know, I can't be positive, but she seemed to know everything about me.
You know, where I was born, uh, the stuffed piggy I slept with.
"Stuffed piggy.
" Not now.
Later? Of course.
I just don't understand.
You know, my grandma told me that she died when I was two or three years old.
Where you goin'? I got to go talk to my grandma.
Want me to come with you? No.
I got it.
Wow.
Yeah.
Biggs, it's the mayor again.
Mr.
Mayor, Officer Michael Biggs, here.
Well, thank you, sir! Yeah.
It was a lot of guns.
Yeah.
My partner was there.
You know, mostly in spirit.
It's amazing.
Your whole life you think your mother's dead and then one day out of the blue she just calls you? Carl's got to be freaking out.
Yeah.
I'm traumatized when my mom calls and I know when it's coming.
Where do you think she's been this whole time? Your guess is as good as mine.
I mean, what drives a mother to give up her son? Maybe she was a secret agent.
Secret government agent.
Ooh! Or a trained assassin.
Huh? Or jail.
Foreign jail.
She's probably sitting in some hellhole for stealing nuclear secrets and she had to give up the baby boy to keep him safe from retribution! Ah! That seems to fit.
It does.
It really does.
But you know, that's I'm a writer, Mike, so it's just, it's kind of how my brain works.
I'll get it.
You know, I I don't want to get ahead of it, but, you know, I really see Denzel in the movie version, so Oh.
Okay.
Uh Speak of the devil.
Oh, the devil is my grandma.
You okay? I'm very, very not okay.
Carl, did you drive over here drunk? No.
I walked over here drunk because I was too drunk to find where I parked my car! Aw, Carl.
She lied to me, Mike.
My grandma knew my mother was alive all these years and she lied! I'm sorry, man.
Okay.
How about, uh how about you sit down Okay.
and I'll make you some coffee? Mm-hmm.
Okay.
But put it in a to-go cup because I'm going to Memphis to see my mama.
You're not driving anywhere tonight.
You need to sleep this off and we'll talk about it in the morning.
No.
I can't wait! She's real sick and I got to go see her now before she dies again.
You're not going anywhere tonight, Carl.
You can't stop me.
Actually, I can.
I will run right through you, Mike Biggs.
Whatever you have to do, pal.
All right, put him on the couch.
I'll get him a blanket and a pillow.
He's still passed out.
I'm so sorry to bother you with this.
Don't be silly.
We're all family here.
I just have to ask, do you think there's any way your daughter was involved with the government or maybe CIA? What? You probably can't say.
Forget it.
Let me tell you something about my daughter.
She left that boy out there with me when he was still in diapers.
So she could run around and have a good time.
And she never tried to contact him? Well, she'd send a birthday card when she remembered, but I never showed it to him, because what good would it do? Give me that bowl, child.
You got to beat those eggs like they owe you money.
But when he got older, why not tell him then? Tell him what? That his own mother didn't want him? Oh, God.
That's terrible.
What are you doin'? S-Slicing tomatoes? Lord have mercy.
You don't slice 'em north-south.
You slice 'em east-west.
Sit yourself down.
Go over there.
Why couldn't that woman leave well enough alone? Well, i-if she is dying, maybe she just wants to reconnect with her son.
She's trying to save her own soul, is what she's doing.
Well, it's too late for that.
You can't pull an "I'm sorry"" out of your behind with one hand and shake Saint Peter's with the other.
Nana, she still is your daughter.
She stopped being my daughter the day she abandoned my grandson.
Now what are you doin'?! I was gonna make toast.
You need to wait for the eggs to cook.
Girl, you got to come see me.
Okay.
Okay.
I can teach you a thing or two.
I'd like that.
Zip it.
What are you doing here? I was worried about you.
How you feelin', buddy? Whoo Like crap.
Well, just sit down.
I'll make you a cup of coffee.
No Don't worry about it.
I'm going to Memphis.
Can we please talk about this, Carl? I got nothing to say to you, liar.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Do not talk to your Nana like that.
Don't get into my face.
I will run right through you.
Really, you want to try that again? Try what again? Never mind.
Sit down, have some breakfast and let's talk.
No.
No.
No.
I'm through talkin'.
I got to go wash up, change my clothes and go see my mother.
I was trying to protect you, Carlton.
Well, you did a hell of a job! All right.
If he's determined to go to Memphis, maybe you should go with him.
I was planning to.
Come on.
You remember where you left your car? It's not out front? Now what are you doin'? I was gonna hug you.
Oh, okay.
You really didn't have to come, Samuel.
Hey man, please, I'm your friend.
Thanks.
Plus, I'm a big Elvis fan.
Are we gonna stop at Graceland? No.
We're not going to Graceland.
It's a 20-minute tour.
We're in and out.
No.
Hey, did I tell you after you left the precinct, the mayor called back, gave us an "attaboy"? That's nice.
Don't worry, I talked you up.
No, you didn't.
No, he didn't.
Do you want to walk to Graceland? I really don't think you're being fair to your grandmother.
What do you know about it? I know she loves you more than anything in this world.
Yeah.
Well, if that was true, she would have told me that my mother was still alive.
Mm.
You know this reminds me of an old African folk story.
Oh, God! Once upon a time, there was a mother lion who was too weak to protect her cub.
So she gave him to the zebras to raise as their own.
And he flourished under their care, until he was a fully grown mighty lion.
Then one night, while the zebras slept, he attacked and ate them all.
How in the hell is that story supposed to help?! Huh.
Yeah.
Maybe not.
Okay.
Uh, once upon a time, a mother turtle was protecting her eggs, when along came a cute baby crocodile Wait, no, that doesn't end well either.
Mmm, this coffee is delicious.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah, she made it.
If you ask me, you did the right thing.
I can't tell you how many times I've had to lie to my daughters to protect them from some of life's awful truths.
What are we talking about here, Mom? It was a long time ago.
Just be glad I was able to buy both of you back.
Buy? From who? Not important.
You're here now, and your mother doesn't hang out with those people anymore.
I wish he'd call me.
Okay, it's gonna be okay.
I don't think so.
Not after what I've done.
What you did is devote your life to raising Carl.
He's a great guy because of you.
Courteous.
Fun-loving.
And maybe bisexual.
Well, whatever it is, I've lost him now.
No, you haven't.
He just needs some time to deal with all this.
I hope so.
Would you ladies mind praying with me? You mean, right here? Every house is the house of the Lord.
Uh, yeah, sure, yeah, of course we can.
I mean, we're God-fearing folk.
Oh, good.
We're scared of ghosts, too.
Okay, okay.
Okay? Oh, hands, too? Yeah.
Lord, we ask for your guidance during this difficult time.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Not yet, not yet.
Lord, look after my grandson.
Give him wisdom to forgive his mother and his grandmother for all the things we put him through.
You can't be so hard on yourself.
I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to Jesus! And, Lord, give me strength To face up to my sins.
My awful, awful sins! Amen? I don't know.
Thanks for buying the snacks, Mike.
Oh, don't thank me, thank Carl.
I didn't buy 'em.
Wait, are you telling me we just stole 30 bucks' worth of snacks? And this knockoff Elvis hat, too.
Oh, for God's sakes, we gotta go back and pay.
Just keep going.
No, they got cameras everywhere, they got my credit card for the gas.
We're going back.
That's gotta be 20 miles.
Yeah, well, I'm sorry.
You know, this reminds me of a story.
Once upon a time, two jackasses went to the convenience store.
Oh, shut up! I'm so sorry for making a scene like that.
Hey, we're no strangers to praying and crying in this house.
It's usually when I miss my period.
Well, I've taken up enough of your time.
I should get going.
Oh, no, no, no, no, don't go.
Come on, I'm-I'm gonna make us dinner.
You're gonna make us dinner? Well, I-I meant, you're gonna make us dinner.
But first I need to clear my heart.
When I prayed for God to help Carl forgive his mother, what I realized was I was the one who needed the most forgiveness.
Why? You did a great job with Carl.
You're right, I did.
I got no regrets with how I raised that boy.
My real shame is how I raised his mother.
What are you talking about? I was a terrible mother, I was drinking and carrying on when I should have been home with my baby girl.
Yeah, but you didn't dump 'em off at your mother's house.
She might have been better off if I did.
So you were a big tramp before you were a church lady? Well, sometimes a person runs to Jesus when no one else will have 'em.
Yeah, you should think about that.
To tell you a secret, when my daughter left Carl with me, I made a big fuss, screaming and yelling and but actually, I was grateful.
Raising him gave me a second chance at being a real mother.
Well, that settles it.
I need grandkids.
You want us to go in with you? No, I got it.
We'll be right here, my friend.
Thank you.
Thank you both for coming.
Excuse me.
I'm here to see Cicely McMillan.
Hang on.
I'm sorry, but Ms.
McMillan passed away.
What? When? About an hour ago.
I'm sorry, man.
I can't believe I missed her by an hour.
Probably shouldn't have gone back to pay for the jerky and the Cheetos.
How you doing? I don't know.
The whole way down, I was thinking about the conversation my mom and I were gonna have, and now it's never gonna happen.
What were you gonna say? What do you mean, what was I gonna say? I was gonna ask her why she left me.
Okay, you ask her that, what does she say? She says she's sorry, it was a horrible mistake, and she can't believe how handsome I am.
I buy that.
Then what do you say? Well, I say I take very good care of myself.
Of course, that's due to the way grandma raised me.
You know her, I show up to dinner with dirt under my fingernails, I end up on the floor eating with the cat.
She actually made you do that? No, it was a threat, but I'll tell you something, I never showed up with dirty hands again.
You know, the only reason your mother could have possibly called you was to apologize.
I guess.
And she knew you were coming.
That had to give her some peace.
Yeah.
Hey, you guys want to help me with the funeral arrangements? I'd be honored.
Of course.
You know, this reminds me of a story.
No! No, wait, just hear me out.
Once upon a time, there was a small boy with the voice of an angel who left his village to make his way in the world.
In his travels, he met a man who became like a father to him, who helped him become the king he was always destined to be.
And his reign was long and just, until he died of a drug overdose on the toilet.
Fine, we'll go to Graceland.
Next exit.
Them that's got shall get Them that's not shall lose So the Bible says And it still is news Mama may have And Papa may have But God bless the child That's got his own That's got his own Yes, the strong get more While the weak ones fade Empty pockets don't Don't ever make the grade Mama may have And Papa may have But God bless the child That's got his own Oh! That's got his own That's got his own That's got his own.