The Middle s04e18 Episode Script

Finals-- the time when students all over put aside distractions and focus their full attention on their studies unless they're a mom.
Brick, get a napkin.
Oh, that's okay.
I don't need one.
Well, you're-- you're dripping all over my book.
Here.
Give me that.
Hello? Hey, Janet.
Yep, pretty busy.
Trying to study for finals next week.
Mom! Where's my favorite shirt? I thought your favorite shirt was your chest.
Don't try to be funny.
It's just sad.
Uh-huh.
- Yeah, uh-huh? - Mom! I'm having dinner with Cassidy's parents tonight.
I need that shirt.
I'm talking to Aunt Janet.
Try the laundry room.
God.
So anyway, I'm trying to learn this stuff, and it-- Frankie, where are my keys? How am I supposed to know where your keys are? Mom, you have to find dad's keys.
I have my driver's license test today, and I cannot handle any extra stress.
Hey, get-- get out of there.
They're not in my purse.
Well, you're always taking 'em.
I didn't take your stupid Seriously, people, I have to study.
Out, out, out, out.
It's amazing how your kid can be completely unhelpful and horrible to you, but he goes over to someone else's house, and Hey, Mrs.
Finch, let me do that for you.
Oh, thanks, Axl, you're so thoughtful.
Oh, I just don't like sittin' around.
When I'm home, I have to be helping.
So, um, where was I? Oh, yeah.
So I'm running down the hall totally late for class.
Well, of course, my shoe comes off, but that's the problem with velcro, right? Anyway, I'm just about to my classroom, but here comes Mr.
Farrar with the tardy sweeps, so I reach into my pocket for my hall pass, but all I find is a giant hole.
Came up empty, did ya? Yeah.
So at this point, I figure I got three options-- take detention, duck into the girls' bathroom, or make a run for it.
So guess what I-- Hey.
Remember me? - Cliff? - Hey, there's the college boy! Hey! Okay, I'm just gonna start apologizing.
I swear I didn't know he was gonna be here.
Oh, it's okay.
Um wait.
Who is he? Cliff.
The old boyfriend who shows up unannounced - to return a book.
- Hmm.
Oh, um, I'm sorry.
I-- you know what? I'm just gonna sneak out of here.
No, stay.
We're just about to eat.
Have you had dinner? Mom, that could not be creepier.
No, it's cool.
I'm cool.
Um, Cliff, huh? Axl.
Uh, yeah.
Take a seat or whatever.
Thanks, Axl.
You're a solid guy.
- All right.
Here you go.
- Thank you.
- Let's eat.
- All right.
Uh, so listen, I, uh, I really just dropped by to return this to you, Kevin.
- Oh.
- I found it really fascinating.
Yeah, well, I thought you might.
It turns out the author - is actually a Professor at Northwestern.
- Mm-hmm.
You know, Axl was in the middle of a really interesting story.
Oh, yeah.
How did that, uh, turn out? Oh.
Well, turns out my hall pass had fallen down my pant leg into my shoe.
So I got out of detention seven minutes early.
Mm-hmm.
Practically unheard of.
- Um yeah.
- Lasagna.
Mm-hmm.
Well, I should get back to Nope.
Did not get it.
Oh, well, not everybody passes the first time.
Yeah.
Apparently, they have this list of infractions, that if you do any of them, it's an automatic fail.
- Mm.
- Speeding, failing to obey signs, backing over a curb, running off the road What did you do? All that.
She even clipped the side of the building.
They're adding that to the list for next year.
Right.
Janet.
Surprise! It's your fairy godsister! Oh, my God! What are you doing here? Oh! Your stressed-out voice on that phone was like a bat signal, telling me, "come now!" Now don't you worry about a thing.
You just concentrate on studying for your test.
I am here to take care of the cooking, the cleaning, getting the kids to school.
Yeah, definitely the cleaning.
I have never loved you more than this moment.
- Oh! - Oh! Hi, Brick! Give your favorite auntie a hug! Is Lucy here? No, I'm sorry, Brick.
She's at spring break sleepaway camp this week.
So I am here solo for one reason and one reason only, and that is to take care of your mama.
Yay! I finally have someone to take care of me.
Ha! - Oh.
- Oh, stop, Frankie.
I will take care of it.
Okay.
Wow.
You do not stack your pans, do you? You okay in there? Quick question-- where do you keep your strainer? We don't have one.
We use the filter on top of the coffeepot.
If you have a problem with caffeine, don't make spaghetti.
Hey, mom, guess what? I was thinking about my driver's test the other day, and, yeah, feeling kind of bummed.
And then it hit me-- I am so lucky.
How do you figure? Well, if I had passed, my driver's license would have said "Sue Sue Heck," which would have been a disaster.
Oh, my God, Frankie, do you mean to tell me that you still haven't changed her middle name? It wasn't my fault.
It was a mistake at the hospital.
You have to right this wrong.
Look at this-- Sue Sue Heck is your procrastination personified.
It's a message that you send out to the world saying, "my parents do not care, my parents are lazy, my parents would rather watch TV than--" Fine.
She can change it.
Aah! Aah! I'm so excited! We all know how important middle names are.
Yeah! Ohh.
Got that done.
I'm so sorry about my parents the other night.
They took the breakup pretty hard.
If it were legal, I'm pretty sure they would have chosen him over me.
Nah, it's cool.
He seems like a great guy.
I mean, I'd never break up with him, that's for sure.
Unless it was to date me.
Because I am me.
So you see my problem, right? Well, your problem certainly isn't humility.
Mmm.
Hey.
Seriously? Ah.
I like your bike, Axl.
It's good for the planet.
Keep it up, man.
Heh.
That is the plan.
So what are you doing here, Cliff? Well, you remember how we signed up to build the houses for Habitat for Humanity? God, that was, like, months ago.
I know.
I, uh, I forgot about it, too.
But it's actually in a couple days.
I didn't know if you were still planning to go? I'm going.
But if you don't wanna go now, it's-- it's copacetic.
I just need to let them know, so Oh, I don't think so.
I want to help, but things are different now.
Hey, I mean I don't want people not having a house 'cause of me.
So you guys should do it.
You should totally go.
I'm all for helping people.
- Really? - Oh, yeah.
I mean, maybe I could come with.
You know, I was gonna go wash old people down at the senior center, but this is cool, too.
That'd be terrific.
Volunteering's a beautiful way to give back.
That's how C and I met, actually.
Cleaning pelicans.
So you guys want a ride home? Thanks, but I'm getting a ride from Axl.
Uh no.
No, you should go with him.
He's got a car, and I am totally copacetic with that.
Besides, I feel like poppin' some wheelies.
Okay.
Call you later.
Mm-hmm.
Whoo! As the days went by, Janet became more and more helpful.
Frankie, I can't get the washing machine to work.
I told you, cold is hot and hot is cold, and you gotta jiggle the knob before you can turn it.
And don't forget the duct tape.
Nope.
It still won't work.
Plus you're out of detergent.
I'm gonna put it on your shopping list.
- Where's your shopping list? - There is no list.
Okay, not to worry.
I will make one.
But what should I write on? Where's your scratch paper? Where isn't my scratch paper? Okay, no problem.
I will take care of it, because I am here to help you.
So where do you want your organization center? I like mine by the phone, but it can also be by the fridge.
Yeah, I don't care.
But it's your house.
You should want it where you want it.
- Fine.
The fridge.
- Let's do phone.
Hey, quick question-- what color pens do you like? I like black.
Some people like blue, but red can always come in handy every once in a while.
You know what? I'm gonna get all three.
Do you want me to get sharpies, too? I can get sharpies.
'Cause you only have one, and those always come in handy.
Dinner is served.
Whoa! This actually looks good.
Where did you order from? - I made it.
- You made it here? Our kitchen can do this? I know fast food is the normal routine around here.
But that's only because your mom is so disorganized.
But I am here to get her back on track.
Okay, guys, I have been making a list of my new middle names, and I will now present to you the top candidates.
Oh, yay.
This is fun.
"Bijou.
" Gesundheit.
- I like "Bijou.
" - I like "Gesundheit.
" Yeah, what else you got? Okay, next name-- "Coco.
" Okay.
"Coco" it is.
Done and done.
How committed are you to Sue? 'Cause I think "Coco Gesundheit" is a great name.
Sue's not changing her name to "Coco Gesundheit.
" Does it have to be a name? What about a sound, like "uch"? You can't have a name that's a sound.
Why not? It's what people always say anyway.
"Hey, look, here comes Sue.
Uch.
" Think it might work.
U-C-H.
"Uch.
" Wouldn't "uch" start with an "E"? Mm.
Maybe a silent "Y.
" Her name's not gonna be "uch.
" I was also thinking I could go with something more like a place name.
"Paris.
" "Brooklyn.
" "Gatlinburg.
" Three more winners, right there.
Dad, you're just agreeing with whatever I say.
I really have to figure this out before you take me to the courthouse on Thursday.
I'm taking her to the what-house? Well, I'm not doing it.
I have to study.
And Janet apparently thinks this is the perfect time to change her name.
Then maybe you should budget your time better, like your sister said.
Oh, yeah, side with her.
It's her fault we're doing this right now.
Well, Frankie, you should have done it a long time ago.
Well, if he would have filled out the form correctly You were there, too, Frankie.
Yeah, I was busy pushing a person through my legs.
What were you doing? You know, we had Lucy's form filled out before I even went to the hospital.
Nobody cares, Janet.
You know what? Forget it.
I'll pick it on my own.
I'll just pick a name at random, and that'll be it.
Bertha.
I've got my bridge project due tomorrow.
What bridge project? We have to build a bridge out of popsicle sticks.
And you're just starting now? No, I'm not.
I've been eating popsicles for a week.
Brick, we could have just bought the sticks, and you could have been using this time to build the actual bridge.
What? You could have told me that before I went up a pants size.
"Gertrude.
" Okay, maybe one more shot.
"Sylvia.
" What year is this book from? Okay, does anybody else have any big projects due tomorrow that I don't know about? I'm building a house for the poor.
- Start here.
- Sue.
Great.
I picked my own name.
Did you guys know that "Sue" means "Lily"? Lily.
That's not bad.
It really fits you.
I'm just saying, as her father, I would miss "Sue Sue.
" - You're taking her.
- Mm.
Oh, my God.
I overslept.
Come on, Brick.
Grab some glue.
We'll throw together a bridge in the car.
Wait.
Did we finish that last night, and I just forgot? No.
You said you'd help me, and then you went to the bathroom and never came back.
Aunt Janet helped me.
Yes.
Anyone can make the Golden Gate or Brooklyn Bridge, but we made the Tappan Zee.
Anyhow, there's no need to rush, Frankie.
I will be taking Brick to school today.
Oh! - And there's a frittata for you in the oven.
- Oh! I don't even know what that is! Thought you guys could use a pick-me-up.
Oh, my God, you read my mind.
Oh, me, too.
Love me a good cup o' Joe.
Okay.
I'm done with these boards.
What else can I do? Well, you can cut some headers with a saw.
Come on.
I'll help you.
Now you're gonna put your hand right here.
- Okay.
- All right? Other hand right here.
Okay.
Aah.
Good job.
Okay.
Watch your fingers.
Here.
Let me help you with that.
Ready? Right on the money.
Axl! What are you doing? What? I thought you needed help.
But whatever if you don't.
No biggie.
Okay.
Let's raise this wall, huh? "Raise this wall.
" One, two, three.
All right, guys.
Right there.
Hey, Axl, is your section braced? Uh, yeah.
I think I know what I'm doing.
I've taken shop three times.
I've built five partially functioning bird houses.
Never heard any of the birds complaining.
Okay, then.
I think we're good, guys.
Good job.
Ha ha.
Yeah.
Isn't this place amazing? Passports, marriage licenses, jury duty-- it's like all of life in one building.
You can do anything here.
Except sit down or park for free.
It's so cool.
And it was cool all day long.
They went upstairs when they were at the wrong window, they went downstairs when they had the wrong form, and they went home when Sue forgot her birth certificate.
Yep, it was definitely cool.
Well, so much for the bridge project.
Brick, what happened? You didn't walk him in? It was only 8 feet, Frankie.
Are you still taking stuff in for him? Now how does that teach him independence? You know, at Lucy's school, they teach the "little engine that could" method.
"I think I can, I think I can," and eventually, they can.
Yeah, well, this is Brick.
I don't "think he can.
" I know he can't.
Mr.
Walker said if I bring another one in tomorrow, he won't take off any points.
Guess I better get to work.
Don't worry, Frankie.
I'll help him.
He will get it done.
Because I think you can.
I think you can, I think you can, I think you can, I think you can, I think you can I want you to help me, not Aunt Janet.
Oh, cry me a river.
I'm going on 40 years of this crap.
But she's so bossy.
Bossy.
Shh! I'm changing my name.
Yeah.
I'm gonna be Sue Lily.
"Sue" means "Lily" in French.
Next? Wait a second.
If "Sue" means "Lily," then "Sue Lily" is the same as "Sue Sue.
" Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I-I need to change it.
I-I need a pen.
Where's the form? We need to go to the back of the line.
Not a chance.
We're next.
You take one step out of this line, and I'm changing my name and vanishing without a trace.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah, uh, I can do this.
Uh Sue Betsy.
Sue Mackenzie.
Sue Bench.
Sue Probation.
- Next.
- Sue Next! Let's see.
Okay.
You're changing your name from Sue Sue Heck.
Sue Sue? Wow, that's different.
You know, I've been doing this job for 40 years, and I gotta tell you-- I've never seen a name as unusual as Sue Sue.
Really? Wait! _ _ Okay, if if you squint and have a real good imagination, that sort of looks like a bridge.
Mom, this isn't your best work of my work.
Look, we're shooting for a "D" here, Brick, which is probably what I'm gonna get on my own test if I don't start studying.
Now get to bed.
Frankie, I'm sensing your stress.
What can I do to help you? Honestly, just let me study.
You know what I think? I think somebody could use a little sister time.
Somebody else, maybe.
- Just-- just let me-- - Ah, ah, ah! - Oh, come on.
Let me-- - You can't fool me.
I know you better than anybody.
Something is wrong.
Just tell your sissy.
Come on.
There's nothing to tell.
Are you taking time for you? - I'm trying.
- Come on.
This is just Frankie Pants and Janny Boo talking.
I can tell that you're unhappy.
Really? And can you tell I'm unhappy right now? 'Cause Janny Boo is driving me nuts! You say you're helping, and then all you do is suck and suck and suck up all my time! You're like an emotional vacuum cleaner! "Oh, can I help you? Can I clang the pots a little louder? Can I throw my life in your face to show you how much better it is?" Oh, Janet's here! Yay! My life is so much easier! How could I ever thank you? Ooh! I know.
I'll write you a note from your friggin' organization center! Tough day at the do-whatever-you-want plant? I don't wanna talk about it.
Okay, thanks.
It's just ugh! Cassidy and her dumb ex-boyfriend.
She's all into him now.
Oh.
She said that? No, but it's totally obvious.
He stayed for dinner the other night.
So she invited him? No.
She was all, "oh, my God, Axl, this is so awkward.
Are you okay?" So what'd you say? I said it was fine, but then he shows up at school and invites us to build houses for poor people.
Sounds like a real jerk.
Yeah.
So today, we're hammering nails and sawing boards and stuff, and of course, he's all good at it, and then I drop one wall and slam my hand in a car door, and everyone's all, "oh, my God, are you okay? Do you want us to take you to the hospital? You want a granola bar? You want some tea?" I mean, right? You had to be there.
Were you there? Uh you-- you know what? You don't get it, 'cause they were they I'm an idiot.
There you go.
Oh, Janet, don't cry.
I didn't mean it.
I-I've been stressed out.
I-I was so mean.
I'm a mean, mean sister.
Yes, you are.
Look, it's just that I'm so tired, and I have this test coming up, and I'm scared I'm going to fail.
And then you show up, and everything's all great for you.
Look, I know my life's a mess, and you're just trying to help, but I feel like you're judging me, and you're right-- Oh, my God, I'm not judging you.
You're the one who's got it all together.
What? You've just spent a week in this war zone.
How can you say that? You honestly think your life's a mess? My life's a mess.
I'm a horrible mother.
Lucy's out of control.
It doesn't matter what I say to her.
She screams at me.
She throws her toys.
She's turning out bad, Frankie.
Really, really bad.
- What? - See this? This was me asking her if she wanted to take a bath.
Did you have that looked at? She's a nightmare.
The only break I get is when she holds her breath and passes out.
Mm.
We sent her away, Frankie.
Shipped her off to a fix-it camp.
Camp Tantrum.
They call it Camp Tant-a-Rum, but we all know what it is.
Lucy's gonna be so pissed when she gets home.
I'm scared, Frankie.
I'm so scared.
I had no idea.
Oh! I really didn't.
All those years, you can know somebody and really never know.
That's the thing about realizations.
Sometimes they come suddenly I know I said you needed me, Frankie.
But that's not why I'm here.
The truth is, I needed you.
Oh! I need you, too.
- Really? - Yes.
- Oh! - Oh! You don't keep tissues on your nightstand? Seriously, Frankie, how do you live like this? Oh! Sometimes they come after 11 hours at the courthouse.
And sometimes you worry they come a little too late.