Frasier s04e19 Episode Script

Have you noticed there are fewer hazelnuts in these biscotti? Then I'm not crazy.
And yet they've gone up 25 cents.
Fewer nuts, more money.
Something I've been aspiring to my entire professional life.
[PANTING.]
God, that is the last time I jog in these shorts.
My thighs are chafing like a couple of hams wrapped in Velcro.
Non-fat mocha, please.
What? As flattered as we are that you've chosen our company over, oh, say, a shower perhaps you'd like to go to the ladies' room to freshen up a bit? Hey, at least I try to keep in shape.
I haven't seen either one of you run an eight-minute mile.
Stand upwind of us and you might.
Oh, by the way, Niles, my benefit for the Seattle Theatre Ensemble is tonight.
I haven't received your check yet.
That's because I'm still not sure if I'm coming.
Whom should I expect to meet there? Professional people around our age.
- A certain social standing.
- Yes.
Civic-minded, interested in the arts Oh, for God's sake, how many women? Why didn't you just say so? Well, I thought my rutting-monkey body language would have tipped you off.
Well, judging from my RSVP list, there should be quite a few available women.
Well, in that case, I'll be there.
Here's my money.
Better be worth my while.
Oh, look, here comes Sherry and Dad.
- Duck.
- No, no, it's all right.
- I invited them.
- Sherry's not going to be there at your benefit is she? I can stop that check.
Just relax, Niles.
I've come up with rather an ingenious plan to occupy their evening tonight.
I bought them tickets to an event that's right up their alley.
God, I was so mortified buying the tickets, I paid cash so they couldn't trace it back to me.
- Sherry, Dad.
Hi.
REBECCA: Excuse me, people.
Did somebody leave some tickets here? - Oh, Lord.
Yes! - Something called "Nashville on Ice, - Yes, right here.
- The All-Skating Country Jamboree"? Yeah, well.
Well, don't look so smug.
You try skating and blowing into a jug when your heart's breaking.
I can't believe you scored tickets to that.
You are well-connected in this town.
Well, yes, actually, these are a gift for you and Dad.
- Oh, my God.
- I hope you're free this evening.
Well, we are now.
Wow, Frasier, thanks! Look at this.
Rink side! Niles, what's that on your cheek? Oh, what? My lips.
Oh, look at the time.
I have to go.
Oh, it seems like every time I see you, you're just leaving.
Yes, and I'd love to stay, but I have my therapy group meeting, and last time I was late, the compulsive gamblers were betting the passive-aggressives that they couldn't make the overeaters cry.
If you wanna wait here, I'll get us a couple of coffees.
You know how I like it.
Hot and sweet! Yeah, but how do you like your coffee? - Is he always that funny? - Oh, yes.
Oh.
It's that damn soap dispenser.
I just gave it a good pump, and splat.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Roz Doyle, my producer.
You haven't met Dad's inamorata Sherry Dempsey.
- Oh, hi.
- Hi.
I normally look a lot better than this.
Oh, now, you don't have to be self-conscious around me, hon.
We all have our bad days once we pass 40.
It was nice seeing you.
- What did she say? - Oh, who cares? It's the least I can do to string together a few moments of silence without her underfoot.
My God, the woman's practically moved in with me.
What did she say? Oh, Roz, take heart.
Now come on, listen, you may not look your best today, but you know what? There's a man sitting right over there who can't keep his eyes off of you.
- Oh, where? - Right there.
Oh, my God.
That's John Coughlin from my high school.
Oh, dear God, please don't let him recognize me.
I swear I'll never leave the house unbeautiful again.
- Roz? - Thanks for listening.
Roz Doyle? It's me.
John Coughlin.
Hi, John.
- Look at you.
- Look at you.
I hardly recognized you with that moustache.
- Roz - Oh, Frasier, I'm so sorry.
This is John Coughlin, Frasier Crane.
- Hello.
- So did you just move to Seattle? No, I've been here for a week on business.
Now it's back to Racine.
Remember Marcie? - Yeah.
- She's getting married Saturday.
- No kidding.
- Well, I'm late for a meeting, but it was great running into you.
I can't wait to tell - the whole gang I saw you.
- You don't have to do that.
Frasier, that guy was the biggest gossip in my hometown.
He saw me with my hair all sweaty and my sweatshirt full of soap.
Oh, God, what could be worse? Well, here's a hint.
Got milk? Oh, my God.
FRASIER: As a rule I'm terribly nervous hosting these things, but it seems to be going well, doesn't it? Not for me.
I haven't made inroads with a single woman here.
Ooh! Ooh! What are you doing? You look nauseated.
That woman is flirting with me.
This is my "I'm available" face.
Well, stop it.
My God, people will think the shrimp are bad.
- All right, which one? - At 9 o'clock blond hair, blue dress.
Now 10 o'clock, 11 o'clock.
- Oh, mama, high noon.
- Oh, dear.
I'm sorry, I have to leave early.
I wanted to let you know what a lovely time I've had.
Well, thank you, Adair.
It was good to see you.
Adair Peck, my brother, Dr Niles Crane.
- Enchanted.
- Hi.
Are you feeling okay? Bad shrimp.
I so enjoyed our chat about Brecht.
I'm just sorry we didn't get to finish it.
Well, me too.
I never do this, but if you'd like to give me a call sometime, I'd like that.
You don't have to call me.
Only if you want to.
And we can talk about other non-Brecht things.
- Of course.
- You see why I never do this.
Well, I'm certainly glad that you did it with me.
Nice meeting you, Miles.
Dr Crane.
Who's that gentleman over there? That's Matthew Pinnick, one of the theatre's biggest benefactors.
Well, I just caught him back in my bedroom.
Well, I'm sure he just wandered in there by mistake.
He was trying on my shoes.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE.]
An interesting piece of information.
Something tells me the theatre's going to get that new sound system.
KIMBERLY: Excuse me.
On behalf of the Seattle Theatre Ensemble, I would like to thank Dr Frasier Crane for hosting tonight's benefit.
But before we say good night, let's try and coax him into saying a few words.
All right.
Alexander Pope once wrote that the theatre aspires to wake the soul by tender strokes of art.
To raise the genius, and to mend the heart.
I'd like to say that it's my privilege to help ensure the survival of this noble calling.
And, well, thank you all for coming.
And I'll see you opening night of Run For Your Wife.
Wow, that was terrific.
Are you always this eloquent? Oh, well, hardly.
My muse, alas, is somewhat ephemeral.
Well, it sounds pretty reliable to me.
- Leslie Wellman.
We met earlier.
- Leslie.
Of course, yes.
Well, I have to run, but I hope I'm not being too forward.
I'd love it if you'd give me a call sometime.
I'd be delighted to.
- Here's my card.
- Thank you.
Was that Natalie Spencer I just saw you talking with? As a matter of fact, it was.
I've been admiring her all evening, so I steeled myself and asked her - if she might be free next week.
- And? Well, her lips said, "No.
" But her eyes said, "Read my lips.
" I suppose you've come over here to gloat - because a woman came on to you.
- Oh, no, hardly.
I wouldn't do that sort of thing.
I came over to gloat because two women came on to me.
Two? My God, I've never had a night like this in my entire life.
I'm a babe magnet.
I'm catnip.
I think I feel a fur ball coming up.
Tell me your second conquest wasn't that haughty filly - in the white dress, Kimberly Egan? - No, no, your path is clear.
Oh, what's the point? I can't take another rejection.
Well, Niles, tell you what.
Seeing as how Cupid has so amply stocked my quiver this evening, I will try a shot on your behalf.
Oh, God, you're unbearable.
Excuse me.
Kimberly, good evening.
Oh, Frasier, thank you again for tonight.
- You really are a wonderful host.
- Oh, thank you.
Listen, I don't usually do this sort of thing, but there's a gentleman here tonight who's, well, rather taken with you.
He's a An eligible doctor, and he's a bit shy about coming over and expressing those interests to you.
Oh, that is so sweet.
Well, you tell your bashful friend he needn't be so coy.
I'd love to go out with you sometime, Frasier.
Call me tomorrow.
- Oh, do you know my brother? - Oh, of course I do.
Nice seeing you again, Miles.
MAN: Anyway, Dr Crane, I've spent months now sending out resumes, pounding the pavement, but nothing.
Well, Doug, it's possible you're simply going through a dry spell.
You know, it happens to all of us.
Months go by with nothing.
Then completely out of the blue, you get not one, but three offers without doing anything.
Not just for any jobs either, but desirable ones with ample salaries and fabulous perks.
Be patient.
Finding employment is much like dating.
Opportunities come along when you least expect them.
Thanks, Dr Crane.
Actually, dating's the one area I don't have any problems in.
Right now, I've got two women interested in me.
Two? Well, that must make you the envy of most men.
Well, that's all for today, Seattle.
This is Dr Frasier Crane, KACL 780.
All right, you've compared dating to unemployment, claustrophobia and bed-wetting.
Is there anything you'd like to tell me? Ask me if I'm free this weekend.
- Well, obviously - Roz, ask me.
Come on.
And let me remind you it is a three-day weekend.
- Are you free this weekend? - No, I'm not.
I have a date.
I have a date tomorrow night.
Oh, and let me check my calendar for Sunday.
Oh, yes.
Another date.
- Not bad.
- Not bad? If I didn't know better, I'd say someone was jealous.
After this weekend, you may have to give up your dating crown.
I once had three dates on a single Saturday and still had time to defrost my refrigerator and rotate my tires.
It's a wonder you could rotate anything after that.
- All right, I concede.
- All right, good.
- Will you help me with something? - Sure.
Do you think it's weird to send a wedding present to someone you haven't seen or spoken to in 18 years? It's a bit unusual, but sweet nonetheless.
Okay.
What if the wedding gift happens to be a sterling-silver picture frame and inside that, there happens to be a glamour photo of me? Would this have something to do with an old high school chum you ran into yesterday during your holiday from hygiene? I know it all sounds so silly to you, but you don't understand.
Frasier, I grew up in a tiny town.
And I still care what those people think of me.
And John Coughlin will go back there and totally trash me.
Come on.
You're a beautiful, intelligent woman.
Do you really care what impression the people in your past have about you? I guess not.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Hello? Norm Peterson, you old horse thief.
Thanks for calling back so soon.
Yeah, well, you know, just Guess who's got three dates this weekend.
Delicious.
[IN AMERICAN ACCENT.]
Hi.
Is this Johnny's Steakhouse? Yeah.
I'd like a table for two at 8:00.
Sure, no problem.
I'll hold.
What the hell are you doing? - Just making dinner reservations.
- Not that.
- The voice.
- I'm trying my American.
You're certainly trying this American.
Yeah, anything on the patio? All right.
Cool.
I'll see you then.
[IN REGULAR VOICE.]
You see, I'm just sick of people making such a fuss about my accent.
I'd like to be able to blend in on occasion, - so I'm learning to speak American.
- And who is you tutor? A drag queen? You know, it's not very kind of you to mock me.
Especially after I've agreed to clear out for your big date.
Oh, yes.
All right, Daphne.
Thank you very much.
[IN AMERICAN ACCENT.]
I'll see you later.
You see, that's the problem when I speak American.
I don't know what to do with my R's.
Try hauling it out of here.
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING.]
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
- Kimberly, hello.
- Hello.
Frasier, it's so nice to see you again.
Oh, well, let me take your things.
Thank you again for hosting the benefit.
Oh, well, thank you again for chairing.
Listen, did we make as much money as we had hoped to? Well, we haven't tallied all of it, but I'm guessing the evening will exceed our wildest expectations.
FRASIER: My favourite sort of evening.
KIMBERLY: I could admire this view for hours.
As could I.
Here we are.
- Some wine, perhaps? - Thank you.
FRASIER: All right.
To possibilities.
So tell me, how did you become interested in the theatre? Well, actually, I first caught the acting bug back in prep school.
The first production I ever did was A Midsummer Night's Dream.
Not to toot my own horn, but my Bottom received a standing ovation.
I'm not surprised.
And you? How did you get involved? Well, I work with a lot of charities.
I actually founded one that promotes pet adoptions.
- Really? - I'm quite the dog lover.
You? Oh, heavens yes.
You know, I have a dream of someday owning a big house in the country where I can have as many dogs as I like.
I just love a man who loves animals.
Is it too much to hope you are also a vegetarian? I just recently became one.
[MARTIN & SHERRY LAUGHING.]
Oh, hey, Fras, the pharmacy left your ointment with the doorman.
Somebody has a date.
Don't worry, honey, it's just for prickly heat.
Thank you, Sherry.
Well, Kimberly Egan, this is my father Martin Crane, - and his companion Sherry Dempsey.
MARTIN: Hi, Kim.
Join us for some peppermint schnapps? It settles the tummy.
Yes, as much as I could use that right now, I think I'll just pass.
Oh, hey, sweetie.
Tell them that joke you told down at McGinty's.
- No.
MARTIN: Oh, come on.
When she told it, I did an honest-to-God spit take.
I'm not kidding you.
So much beer gushed out of me, I was like Mount St Pauli Girl.
Go on, tell them.
- Actually, you know, I don't think SHERRY: Okay.
This really horny 80-year-old man goes into a confessional.
- Yeah, you're not Catholic, are you? - Yes, I am.
Oh, then you're really gonna love it.
So anyway, this horny old guy You know, Sherry, actually, I think we've both heard this joke.
Oh, Marty, I think we're cramping somebody's style.
Oh, hey, before I forget, this is for you.
I couldn't finish my veal chop.
If you wanna know a way to this man's heart, that is his favourite dish.
Veal.
Free range.
Hey, well, listen, we're just gonna take the dog for a walk.
Eddie? Eddie? [EDDIE BARKS.]
Oh, you locked him in the back room again, didn't you? [EDDIE WHIMPERING.]
- What? MARTIN: Oh, listen to him.
He's crying, that poor little thing.
Well, I guess you'll need a lot of extra rooms in that dream house to lock up all those dogs.
Good, we can joke about this.
Kimberly.
Please Could I at least call you in a few days? Go ahead.
- Morning, handsome.
- Yeah, hi.
Yeah, I wondered when you were getting up.
- You hungry? - Well, a little bit.
How about some Chinese? Chinese for breakfast? Who eats that? About a billion Chinese people.
All right.
I'll get the plates and forks.
Look, why don't we do it authentic this time? Get the chopsticks.
- No, I don't want to.
- Come on.
I don't feel like it.
Well, look, just try it one time.
It's not hard.
Well, it's not a question of hard.
I just don't like using them.
They don't work.
Well, they've been around a lot longer than forks.
Well, our hands have been around a lot longer than that.
Why don't we just eat everything with our fingers? Boy, somebody is in a mood.
- I'm not in a mood.
- You are.
Well, I just don't like you telling me to do things that I really don't want to do.
Well, fine.
I will never mention the word "chopsticks" again.
So touchy.
[PLAYING "CHOPSTICKS" ON PIANO.]
Well, thanks for taking what I said so seriously.
Marty.
Sherry's there for not more than 30 seconds and she chases Kimberly out of the apartment.
[IN AMERICAN ACCENT.]
I'm sorry, Dr Crane.
That woman sure can be difficult.
You know, this accent business is getting downright annoying.
Well, anyway, I've been trying to call Kimberly all day to apologize and - What are you doing? - Saying hello to Mr Hicks in security.
You mean, there's a hidden camera up there? [IN NORMAL ACCENT.]
But don't worry about it.
He says lots of people pull down their pants to tuck in their shirts.
Although he did recommend having that rash looked at.
Dear God! Oh, fine.
Sherry's still here.
She stays later each morning and more nights each week.
This is not what I had in mind when I moved in here.
God, it's bad enough I have to deal with Eddie and Dad and Their shenanigans.
SHERRY: I can't believe you're getting upset over nothing.
MARTIN: I don't consider it nothing.
- I think we should talk about it.
MARTIN: I don't wanna talk about it.
- To not talk about it - is stupid.
- So I'm stupid? - It sounds like they're arguing.
SHERRY: You're acting stupid.
- Could there be trouble in paradise? - Yeah.
This is awkward.
Should we let them know we're here? No, they might stop.
- When did you get back? - Just now.
Well, don't worry.
We were just talking.
MARTIN: We're finished talking.
SHERRY: Maybe you are.
Marty, I think we should talk about it.
MARTIN: No, I don't want to FRASIER: My God, I've never heard them talk to each other like that before.
- Dare I get my hopes up? - Don't count on it.
Once an argument moves into the bedroom, a woman can always get the man to make up.
- I wouldn't be so sure about that.
- Come on.
Men and women have been having this conversation for centuries.
The woman always says, "Oh, do we really have to fight?" And then the man would say, "Well, it's your own fault.
You started it.
" Well, can't we at least talk this out? Come on, sit with me on the bed.
- I don't feel like sitting.
- Do you have to be so cold? Well, you made me angry.
You could at least put your arms around me.
Oh, Daphne, I'm sorry.
You're right.
They've probably made up already.
Well, at least they'll be in a good mood when they come out.
There's nothing like makeup sex.
Daphne, please.
- Sherry and my dad do not have sex.
- Of course they do Daphne.
I have to sleep at night.
My dad and Sherry do not have sex.
So long, kids.
It was nice knowing you.
Did that actually just happen? I guess I called that one wrong.
- Is everything all right? - Oh, yeah, yeah, fine.
Yeah, it was a long time coming.
Are you okay with this? Well, yeah.
I mean, I'm not jumping up and down.
But, yeah.
I think it's better for both of us.
Yeah.
- You're sure? - Yeah, yeah.
Sherry and I had a lot of laughs, but there's a lot of things about her that bug me, and Lord knows, I'm sure she was bugged by a lot of things that I did.
So no.
No, really.
This is fine.
It's fine.
Well, he seems to be taking it very well.
Maybe I should go see if he feels like talking about it.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Hello.
Oh, yes.
Hi, Niles.
Well, actually, it's not a very good time right now.
Well, Dad and Sherry just broke up.
He seems to be taking it okay, I guess, but Well, no, I don't think that's appropriate.
Well, no, it's just too soon for us to be celebrating right now.
[PHONE RINGS.]
It's still too soon, Niles.
- Dr Crane, are you all right? - Daphne, shh.
Do you hear that? - What? - The sound of a Sherry-free apartment.
I've been basking in it for the last 30 minutes.
My God.
I feel like a seafront village after the Vikings have left.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
That must be Niles.
- Frasier.
- Niles.
I'd offer you a sherry, but I'm fresh out.
I can't believe Dad finally came to his senses.
- Yes.
- Shall we attempt a high-five? Well, no No You know what happened the last time.
You got your watchband caught in my hair.
What a relief to finally have things back to normal.
Yes, isn't it.
[IN AMERICAN ACCENT.]
Hey, Dr Crane.
How's tricks? [NILES SCREAMS.]
- I'm trying my American accent.
NILES: Well, stop it.
I mean Just that we Americans are very sensitive about our crude speech patterns.
[IN NORMAL ACCENT.]
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to offend.
No, no, no.
It's quite all right.
You have a real flair for accents.
Just out of curiosity, have you ever tried a saucy French chambermaid? FRASIER: Niles, no.
Frasier's just been telling me how well Dad's taking the breakup with Sherry.
Yeah, a little too well, if you ask me.
Daphne, we've had this discussion already.
He's fine.
DAPHNE: He's in a lot more pain than he's letting on.
You don't see it because you like having your apartment back.
Yes.
Well, leave the complex analyses to the professionals.
MARTIN: Oh, hi, Niles.
You feel like going to the movies with me and Daphne? NILES: Thanks, but I have plans.
Listen, Dad, I'm sorry to hear about you and Sherry.
Oh, that's all right.
There's nothing to be sorry about.
It's kind of fun to go back to my old bachelor days, you know.
Yeah, don't worry about me.
Easy come, easy go.
You want a boilermaker? - No, thanks.
- Oh, well, more for me.
I should pack a few of those for the movies, you know.
Mr Crane Oh, come on.
I'm only kidding.
No.
No, it's kind of fun to laugh at things again.
That was the problem with Sherry.
She had no sense of humour.
Just a real stick in the mud, you know.
We'd better get going.
We'll be late.
I'll get the elevator.
Well, what's your diagnosis now? It's a clear-cut case of post-Sherry euphoria.
[BELL RINGS.]
Oh, there are my canapës.
Oh, right.
Date number two.
I'll be off as well.
You can fill me in tomorrow.
You'll get a full debriefing.
As, hopefully, will I.
All right, young Edward.
Learn from the master.
Now, just follow these time-honoured traditions, and you too might get lucky with that young Pekinese peach you've been eyeing in the park.
Now, for mood Vivaldi.
And then for lighting not so bright as to show the wrinkles.
Not so dark as to make her think you're hiding anything.
And then finally [DOORBELL RINGS.]
Leaving nothing to chance Pouilly-Fuissë, 1992.
The nectar of the gods.
Dear God, I could teach a course.
Adair, come in.
- May I take your coat? - Oh, thank you.
It's so nice of you to have me over.
- I hope you didn't go to any trouble.
- Oh, nothing special.
I've got to tell you, this is all so strange.
I mean, one night I'm at Dr Frasier Crane's house for a benefit.
And two days later, I'm back at his house for a date.
If there's one thing I've learned, it's that life is nothing without spontaneity.
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING.]
Come have a look at the city.
ADAIR: Oh, what a lovely view.
I didn't fully appreciate it the other night.
My sentiments exactly.
Here, have some wine? Oh, certainly.
Here we are.
To possibilities.
I wonder if I can see my apartment from here.
Well, if you can, don't tell me.
I have a telescope, and I am not to be trusted.
Funny, charming.
Next I'm gonna find out you're a great cook.
Well, don't get your hopes up.
Duck comfit? [DOORBELL RINGS.]
Oh, good Lord.
Excuse me for just a moment.
- Hello, Frasier.
- Sherry.
My father's not here now.
I'll tell him you stopped by.
Wait, wait.
I just came by to pick something up.
Why don't you tell me what it is.
I'll have it messengered tomorrow.
It's my banjo.
Can't I have it? FRASIER: Well All right, all right.
Listen, I'm on a date here.
So you know, just try to make it quick.
- Okay.
Hi, how are you? - She's fine.
She's fine.
We're fine.
All right, you know where you're going.
It's my father's ex-girlfriend.
Well, where were we? I was about to say that this duck is superb.
Oh, thank you very much.
And the way the wine complements it and the music I'm guessing you entertain often.
Well No, actually, I'm really rather lonely.
Tell you what, take my telescope home.
You can see for yourself.
Got my banjo.
FRASIER: Well, yes, okay.
Bye-bye.
Bye, Frasier.
Oh, it was nice seeing you again.
I'm sorry, have we met? Well, yes, on your date last night.
Kimberly, isn't it? - No.
- Well, you've got what you came for.
Off you go.
Well, I'm sorry, hon.
But she does look just like the other girl.
Besides, you were playing the same make-out music.
All right, off you go.
Well, some more wine? Two dates in two nights isn't bad for someone who's lonely.
Well, you can hardly call what happened last night a date.
The woman that organized the benefit came by.
She just dropped in to say thank you.
Wait a minute.
You mean Kimberly Egan? - She broke up my first marriage.
- Well, I hardly know the woman.
I mean, she spent all of ten minutes here.
Look, I'm not going through this again.
Oh, Adair, listen.
Listen, this is all in your mind.
I mean, we spent one night together.
She means nothing to me.
Gee, where have I heard that before? Go ahead.
So for the second time in two nights, Sherry managed to chase away another date.
It's like she's a scarecrow in the cornfield of my love life.
I don't know how many more of your disastrous love stories I can hear.
I'll say when.
Hello.
You look like an almost-presentable version of someone - who works with my brother.
- Bite me.
Oh, it is you.
You haven't seen my high school friend, John, around here, have you? Well, no, we haven't, Roz.
I suppose you finally tracked him down? Yeah.
I'm meeting him here for coffee.
I'm gonna tell him I'm on my way to a chic cocktail party.
This is the Roz I want him to talk about when he goes to that wedding this weekend.
The vain, neurotic, lying Roz? - Oh, are you Roz? - Yeah.
There was a call for you earlier from a John Coughlin.
He said he's sorry, but he can't meet you.
He had to take an earlier flight.
Oh, great.
- Roz Doyle, right? - Yeah.
Sorry.
You don't look anything like he described.
All right, before I do anything crazy like go to the airport, fly to Wisconsin and crash a wedding, did I really look that bad the other day? - Hi, guys.
- Oh, hi, Sherry.
Gee, you look familiar.
Did I meet your older sister in here the other day? Oh, she must be jealous of you.
ROZ: Taxi! - Mind if I join you? - Well, of course not.
I was hoping I'd catch you here.
Well, I've been thinking about what happened yesterday between your Dad and me, and I just can't figure it out.
One minute we were having a stupid argument about chopsticks, and the next minute we were broken up.
Well, I hate to put you on the spot like this, but did he say anything to you? FRASIER: Well, not really.
You know how closed-mouth Dad is.
It's just Well, he did say that the break-up was a long time coming.
Oh, now I really am confused.
I mean, I thought everything was going fine.
Well, better than fine.
The other night, we both said, "I love you," for the first time.
- You did? - Yes.
Oh, it's just that in the past he's been rather reserved about expressing himself that way.
Well, I guess he sort of hesitated before he said it, but, I mean, a lot of guys do that when you spring it on them for the first time.
Yes, well, I can certainly understand why you're confused.
Well If you'd like, I could speak to him on your behalf.
- Ow.
NILES: I'm sorry.
Was that your shin? SHERRY: No.
No, thanks, Frasier.
I don't wanna put you in the middle of this.
I'm just frustrated.
Listen.
Thanks for listening.
- No problem.
- Anytime.
You know, I really thought I hit the jackpot with Marty.
It isn't easy finding someone you think the world of.
Oh, I know, you go tomcatting around with a different girl every night, but you can't find happiness that way.
I haven't so far.
Ow! - I didn't kick you that hard.
- You didn't have to kick me at all.
Were you seriously considering playing therapist to Dad and that woman after we got rid of her? I have no intention of repairing the rift.
God.
But last night for the first time in months, I wasn't jolted awake at 2 a.
m.
By her rousing rendition of "Foggy Mountain Breakdown.
" It seems a little odd that Dad chose to break up with Sherry just after he told her that he loved her.
As I recall, she said he hesitantly said it back to her.
That's a clear picture of a man who didn't share her feelings.
Yes, well, I think he does share her feelings.
- He just panicked out of fear.
- Fear of what? Well, lots of things.
Change.
Commitment.
Becoming vulnerable to somebody again.
I'm afraid he broke up with her for all the wrong reasons.
Well, if he'd like a list of the right reasons, it's available on request.
The least I can do is have a talk with him.
No, the least you can do is nothing.
Dad hasn't asked for our help.
We should let nature take its course.
It's like one of those wildlife films with the lion chasing the antelope.
You don't ask why the photographer doesn't interfere.
You just accept it.
As a general rule, Niles, the photographer is not related to the antelope.
Obviously, you and I don't see eye-to-eye on this issue.
- Where are you going? - I have a date in 45 minutes, and a bleeding antelope sitting in a Barcalounger in my apartment.
I suppose that sounded strange to you.
I'd be happy to explain it.
Are you, by any chance, free at the end of your shift? Sorry.
I've still got it.
Not so fast, Mr Hicks.
You won't catch me doing anything foolish.
Daphne.
Hello, Dr Crane.
- Enjoy your evening.
- Yes, you too.
He's been under a lot of stress lately.
Oh, Dad, listen, I'm glad you're home.
We've gotta talk.
No good conversation ever started that way.
We have to talk about you and Sherry.
Why? Look, I'm fine with it.
- Come on, now let it go.
- Dad.
Listen, I spoke with Sherry today.
You did what? What for? Well, she came to see me.
Said she was a bit confused about what happened the other day.
Well, from her story, I think what you're contending with here is a classic case of panic induced by fear of commitment.
You hear that, Eddie? That's what buys your dog food.
Well, she told me about a little incident that took place the other evening where she expressed her feelings for you, - and you hesitantly reciprocated.
- Oh, jeez.
She told you about that? Look, to cut it short, she told me how she felt about me.
I said it back, but I only said it because I felt I had to.
That's not really what I feel.
So end of story.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Now, there's my date.
Listen, I'm sorry for butting into your life, but I happen to be concerned about you.
You may find this hard to believe, but your welfare happens to be very important to me.
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING.]
- Hi, Frasier.
- Sherry.
- Hi, Martin.
- Hey.
You left your Sinatra tape in my car.
Oh, thanks.
I've been looking for that.
Well, here you go.
- Bye.
- So long.
I saw that, Dad.
I saw the way you looked at her.
You can't convince me you don't feel the same way about her.
Look, I appreciate what you're doing, Frasier.
I really do.
But stop! All right, fine.
It's your life.
I wouldn't interfere.
Sherry, wait.
If you could just stay for a few minutes, - I think I can straighten this out.
- It didn't look like he wanted you to.
Yes, he's just being his old stubborn, ornery self.
- I do miss that.
- All right.
I'll go talk to him You stay here.
- Frasier? - Oh, Leslie.
Sorry.
I'm a little early.
- Way to go, Fras.
- Oh, dear God.
Sherry, this is Leslie.
Leslie, Sherry.
- Leslie, come on in.
- Hi.
Frasier, could I use the little girl's room? No.
No need to ask.
Come on in.
- May I take your coat? - Of course.
- Yes, there we are.
LESLIE: Thank you.
Yes, well, you see, Sherry is my father's lady friend, and they're going through a bit of a rough patch.
If you can excuse me, I have to talk with him for just one minute.
Take your time.
I can always chat with Sherry.
No, no.
What, and miss this fabulous sunset? Isn't that something? LESLIE: Wow.
It's even more stunning than I remember.
Yes, it is.
Excuse me for a minute.
Oh, no, wait.
Here, some wine? Here we are.
To possibilities.
- Oh, Dad.
- Oh, don't worry.
I won't get in the way.
I'm just gonna grab a beer.
Well, it's no trouble at all, Dad.
- Dad, you and Sherry - Oh, jeez, I don't believe this.
Frasier, it's over.
She's gone.
She's out of my life.
What the hell's she doing here? Look, she came in to borrow the powder room.
I'll be right back.
How's everything out here? - Fine.
- How's everything in there? Fine, fine.
I think I just I need a few more minutes.
Were you through with the powder room? Oh, sure, it's all yours.
Oh, Frasier, take all the time you need.
- Yes.
Thanks.
- I'll entertain your friend.
Oh, what? And miss this fabulous sunset? SHERRY: Oh, yeah.
Look at that.
FRASIER: Yes.
- I forgot how beautiful it is.
Yes.
So it is.
Yeah.
Oh, right.
Here.
To poss Oh, what am I doing? Here.
All right, just enjoy yourself.
Two minutes.
No more.
Oh, not you, Leslie.
I don't know what you think you're doing, but go back and get rid of her.
- Dad, I am not trying to torture you.
- You're doing a bad job.
All right, listen.
I'm a little bit confused about something.
Maybe you can help me understand it.
You say you don't have any feelings for this woman.
Why is it that the last three months you've been happier than you've been - since Mom died? - You leave your mother out of this.
- I didn't mean to bring her into it.
- Well, good.
Dad, is that what this is about? Mom? - No.
All right? - Listen, I'm a psychiatrist I don't need a psychiatrist, and I don't need your help.
- That is just classic defensiveness.
- Would you just drop it? - No, I won't drop it.
- I said drop it! Listen, Dad, will you? Excuse me.
Butterfingers.
Momentito.
Now listen, Dad, l I do not mean to upset you.
I have a feeling that what you're going through here is feelings of guilt.
It's probably natural to feel that way.
My God, I understand what you're going through.
No, you don't.
No, you don't.
You don't understand at all.
When you've been married for 35 years, you'd never thought there'd be anybody else.
Then one day you hear yourself say, "I love you," to another woman.
Well, maybe then you'll understand what I'm going through.
Dad, there was a time back when my first marriage was breaking up.
I was talking to Mom.
She said, "You've gotta promise you're not gonna give up.
" I said, "The last thing I wanna hear is a bunch of clichës about how we're all put on this Earth to love one another, and how it's certainly possible for the heart to love more than one person.
" I said, "All right, Mom, give me one good reason for me to ever let myself fall in love again.
" She said, "Because I said so, and I'm your mother.
" Yeah, it sure doesn't help reminding me what a great lady she was.
Well, does it help to remind you that Sherry's a pretty great lady too? God, Dad, she makes you happy.
Niles and I would give anything to have what you have.
Well, not what you have but what you have.
Yeah, she is a pretty great lady, isn't she? I don't know.
She'd probably be better off with some guy who wasn't going through all this stuff.
Well, don't you think you ought to let her decide that? Hi.
Hi.
Well, it looks like those two could use a little privacy.
Do you mind if I take you to the restaurant a little early? - I think that's a good idea.
FRASIER: Okay.
We can finish up with wine later.
I mean Well, not that I mean we're gonna be coming back here.
Not that I'm averse to that, of course.
I mean, if you're in the mood for a nightgown.
Nightcap.
It looks like your dad and his girlfriend are patching things up.
FRASIER: Yes.
Gee, I can't thank you enough for being tolerant about the time delay.
LESLIE: Oh, no problem.
- Look, you'd be surprised.
I mean, lately women just fly into rages of intolerance just at the slightest provocation.
Well, shall we? Wait, Leslie, before you go, I want to say something.
Oh, good Lord.
Step lively.
Listen, you are a lucky girl to be with someone as sweet as Frasier.
He just did a real nice thing for his dad and me.
Thank you, Sherry.
Off we go.
We'll ride down with you.
We're going down the street to get a little Chinese.
- Well, why don't we give you a lift? - No.
Don't you think the walk would do them good? Oh, no, I think it's starting to rain.
Come on, you'll ride with us.
Oh, you are such a doll.
- So, Leslie, what do you do? LESLIE: Oh, I'm a dermatologist.
Good news, Frasier.
If you get lucky tonight, - she might look at that rash of yours.
FRASIER: Yep.
SHERRY: Oh, that reminds me of a great joke.
No! Just hold the elevator for me, will you? Eddie? Well, you could at least act surprised.