Bob's Burgers s04e20 Episode Script

That's weird.
Someone took the mop part off this mop.
Oh, my God.
No! Sorry, Dad, I took it.
I'm going out for cheerleader, and I needed some practice pom-poms.
Oh, Gene, for my other pom-pom, I borrowed your Rasta wig.
Not cool, mon.
It's okay.
So, Tina, you're going out for cheerleader! That's exciting.
Yeah.
At wrestling matches, cheerleaders are only ten feet from the action.
When things get sweaty, that's the splash zone.
I-I don't know.
Isn't cheerleading kind of, well, silly? Plus, do you really want to get splashed by that? Yes.
Oh.
Don't you? What are you talking about? Cheerleaders help the team win by jumping around and touching their toes and asking if you're ready and then they say, "Okay!" And they whip the crowd into a frenzy by spelling words.
W-O-R-D-S! Words! Lin, you're talking like you were a cheerleader.
What? I was! Well, my best friend Monica was.
So I was right there in the entourage.
People were like, "Hey, let's go to cheerleader practice.
" And I would be like, "Okay, I'll drive you.
" Tryouts are today.
I didn't want to tell you guys till I felt ready, so I've been practicing in my closet.
Tina, do you really think you're the cheerleader type? Bob, be supportive.
Come on, what cheer you gonna do for the tryout? Let's go, ignite, the Wagstaff team is dynamite.
Okay, we're ready.
Let's hear you do it.
I just did it.
Oh.
Oh.
Of course you did.
Tina, honey, if you don't make it, it's okay.
In fact, sometimes cheerleaders are not the nicest people.
What? My friend Monica one time, she ditched me at the food court to hang out with the other cheerleaders.
I had so many free samples of sesame chicken, I can't eat it to this day.
You ate sesame chicken last night, Lin.
I know, but I didn't like it.
Damn you, Monica! Oh, my God.
Okay! Gene, Louise, why don't you go to tryouts to support Tina? I'm sure she could use it.
Okay.
Oh, no way.
I'm busy.
By the way, with a cartwheel, are your hands or your face supposed to touch the ground first? Actually, I'll make time.
We are the Whalers! It's true! We're gonna sink our hooks in you! Whalers! Oh God.
- Great job.
- I hate cheerleading.
Her pom-poms make me want to vom-vom.
She's in my math class and she makes me sad.
I scored her a 4.
7.
We don't have a point system, Todd.
I use a personal point system.
Oh, great.
Next! - Hi, I'm Tina.
- Yay, Tina! Go, Tina! Tina's a wee-na! Let's go, ignite, the Wagstaff team is dynamite.
Now the big finish.
Ah! Ah! I'm okay.
I just bit my tongue.
Nailed it! Tina, Tina, Tina, Tina, Tina! He's got spirit.
I hear it.
Okay, I'm done.
Gene's the Belcher we should get on the squad.
Wait, I'm the Yell King here, and I got the guy stuff handled.
I mean, is this a cheer squad or a male revue? Let's chat with Gene.
Oh.
But Tina was the one that was trying out.
That's okay, Gene.
At least I didn't embarrass myself.
I don't even understand her.
Gene, what do you say? Are you in or are you in? Mm, I don't know.
I've got a lot going on after school.
Clearly.
I-I'm surprised he even made time for us today.
Yeah, you'd have to offer me something pretty sweet to compete with my afternoon bath 'n' snack.
Well, there's attention, popularity Got it, don't need it.
Silk cheer shorts.
I'm in.
Yay, Gene's a cheerleader! The prophecy has been fulfilled! Bob, here come the kids.
I'm sure Tina got bad news.
Just don't overreact.
Why would I overreact? I'm the one who thinks cheerleading is silly.
Listen, you can be a little insensitive.
Just follow my lead.
Tina flew too close to the floor and hit her face on it swollen tongue.
It was so much easier in my closet.
Oh, my God, sweetie.
Aw, your poor tongue.
Who cares if you didn't make dumb old cheerleader, right? You know what? They can Oh, my God! Gene's a cheerleader! He's a jo Bob, Gene's a cheerleader! So, Mom doesn't seem to care.
Oh, God, how'd this crazy, wonderful thing happen to us? Shh.
Just take it in.
I'm a cheerleader mom! Oh, I can't stand it! Um, obviously your-your mom is very proud.
Uh, just like she's proud and sensitive about all you kids.
Right, Lin? What? Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, Tina.
You want to suck on a bag of frozen peas or something? Yeah, that'll help.
I'm sorry, I can't understand you.
Come here, Gene, oh, Gene! Ooh, let me wear your jacket! Oh, no, it's too small; let me put it on my shoulder.
Look at it on my shoulder.
Geez, Tina, that looks bad.
The nurse said the swelling will go down in a couple days.
I'm not really getting what you just said.
I said the nurse said Still not getting it.
The nurse at school said Eh You know what Tina needs? An interpreter! An interpreter? Oh.
How about me? I'll do it.
I'll be your interpreter.
No.
I'm hearing "Yes.
" No.
"Yes," we got that.
"Yes.
" No.
And she says "Yes.
" No.
And she says "Yes.
" No.
And she says "Yes.
" Well, looks like you've worked it out.
Listen up.
We're all here because we wanted this more than anything.
Except me I wanted to advise Drama.
But no, Ms.
LaBonz got Drama and I got sis-boom-blah! Stop yelling.
Anyway, what I am going to do is inject drama into cheerleading, with you as my stars! Hmm? Gene, you're the new kid.
The raw rookie.
Still breaking in your cheer shorts.
Your arch rival is Todd.
He is? Yeah, the bitter, boozy old Yell King.
And, Todd, you hate Gene.
He threatens everything you are! Already there.
What about the rest of us? I don't know, let's go around.
Who do you hate? Mm, I feel that I hate Jocelyn, because I'm the hot one, and she's the not one.
Whatever.
Tammy farts when anyone lifts her and it's gross! It's only when someone lifts me wrong.
Okay, let's go with the Gene-Todd thing.
You'll never be more than the bottom of my pyramid.
I'm here to cheer.
Get used to it! So as Tina's official interpreter, I'm gonna have my hands pretty full, and that means no homework, unfortunately.
I don't know, Louise.
Frankly, this sounds like a scheme to miss class.
Yeah, I think so, too.
What's she saying? Oh, she said she needs me.
I didn't say that.
And "I have a disability, you insensitive creep.
" What "Give me Louise or I will haul your white ass into court!" Okay, okay, okay! Settle down, Tina! Whoa, you're upsetting her.
I've never seen her this angry.
I Tell her I'm sorry.
She can hear.
Oh.
I Sor ry.
So you like the new you? Twice the spunk, half the junk.
But you're not really interpreting.
Hi, Tina.
Hi, Jimmy Jr.
You look handsome today.
Yeah, she said, uh, "Keep walking, dance man.
Take a hint and a breath mint.
" All right, that is really harsh.
Wow.
Okay, Tina.
Be that way.
The claws are out, huh? Good-bye.
That's it! Louise, you are not my interpreter anymore! You're fired! Um, okay, so, if you're trying to play hard to get, it worked.
You want to go out Friday? Okay, you can be my interpreter.
W-A-G-S-T-A-double-F! Wagstaff! Gene, shoulder lift Tammy! Well, don't squeeze, newbie! Don't breathe in, you'll die! That hasn't been proven 100%.
Gene, two-man pyramid! Now! Whalers! Great, Todd, re-hydrate.
Come on.
Sit.
Hwah! Oh, no! That's my funny bone! Which is what I call my penis! Eh, you're hurting it! We're number one! Also I have to go number one.
Cheer break! Hurry back.
Gene, now's your chance to dramatically step in for Todd.
I've been pumping him full of sport drink just so he would leave! Oh, my God, oh, my God! I don't know if I'm ready! You're ready! You have a cheer fire inside you and it's burning its way out! Okay.
Squad, follow my lead! You can do it if you try! Come on, Zeke, pin your guy! He's gonna taste the sweet defeat when he sniffs your feet and seat! Cheer fire! Hey, the crowd's getting into it! I'm getting pinned! Oh, crap, I lost.
I hate that! Look at Gene.
Look at what he's done.
Give me that! What did you do? What did you do? Just pee? That's right.
Like a coward with a doodle? He doodled.
He doodled! I didn't doodle, he doodled! I wouldn't Gene, Todd, please! There's a simple and dramatic way to handle this.
A head-to-head competition in a public place with high stakes and arbitrary rules.
Oh, my God, he's talking about a Cheer battle! Ah! I knew it, I knew it! Freestyle rules.
Last cheerleader standing is the King of the Yells.
It could go either way! I know who's gonna win.
Your name is Gene, you've got heart and soul.
I even like your haircut, but, hey, where is the bowl? Oh, no, I did that! Gene got bowl trolled! Okay, not bad.
But here's the deal.
I mopped up your spit, I rinsed out your towels, and when I hear you cheer, I evacuate my bowels! Ooh! Boom! Well, you've got no physique, you're kind of round.
You make not very good mouth sounds! Huh? Ooh Hmm.
Kind of a thinker.
Good job, Todd.
That was on the money.
Who said that? Your rhymes are meh, your logic is flawed.
If you're the Yell King, then I'm the Yell God! Oh-ho-ho! I think that was a death blow.
I just got chills.
No, no, no.
Just give me it.
Um You think you're smart, but you're stupid.
Your cheers are just flivvity flovity flupid.
Ska dee ba doo.
That's not cheering, that's scatting.
Get out of here, Steven Tyler! Ah, I give up! We have a new Yell King! Yeah! Todd, time to plot your revenge! Ah! Okay, here's your lunch, girls.
Oh, Tina, for your lunch, I smoothied a tuna fish sandwich.
Ugh.
That sounds terrible.
"Yum! I love you, Mom.
Make this every day.
" Oh, and, Gene, here's your lunch, honey.
Peppyroni Pizza, Chicken Pom Pom-adora and a Cheer-liter of soda.
That's about 10,000 calories of cheer puns.
Thanks, Mom.
Bye.
G! What? I was giving you a "G.
" You looked like you wanted one.
G! Okay.
E! N! E! Gene! Oh, my God, Lin.
Well, I-I got to be going.
Look, Gene, I can do a herkie.
Ow! Uh, sorry.
Lin, just let Gene go to school.
No, let me do it again.
Ow! - Bye, Mom! - I can do it better.
Ow! Oh.
I love you, my perfect little cheerleader baby! Hey, Tina.
Hey, Jimmy Jr.
Uh, "Hey, idiot.
" Ugh, I love it when she's mean.
So have you thought about where you want to go Friday night? Wherever you want to go.
She says, "Pie in the Sky, "the revolving dessert restaurant at the top of the Spinnaker Hotel.
" She didn't say all that.
You're right, I didn't.
"Yes, I did say all that.
" No.
Listen, it's not my first choice either, Jimmy Jr.
Wait, you're coming, too? Yeah, I have to.
It's work.
When her lips are flappin', I can't be nappin'.
You don't have to go.
What'd she say? She said bring a lot of money 'cause we're gonna eat a lot of pie.
Oh, man, I guess I could sell my bike.
She's worth it! Super toe-touch, Tammy.
Great buckets, Jocelyn.
You! Nice job with the whatever that is.
Todd, pal, how you doing combing out those pom-poms? Still some tangles.
Mm-hmm.
You're doing a great job with the squad, Gene.
Gene is ripe for a fall, and you're the one who can do it, Todd! You mean work really hard on my cheering so that one day, I can Yeah, that's it, Todd.
No, get dirty! So you want me to get dirty? No, that's not what we do here.
Get dirty! Yeah, I'm gonna get dirty.
You're telling me I lost my wrestling match 'cause of Gene's cheerleading?! He got the crowd on his side, Zeke, not your side.
Yeah, the crowd perked up, and next thing you knew, the other guy's nad was in my eye.
If only someone could convince Gene to quit the squad.
Do what?! Maybe someone who had some muscle.
Oh, I think I see where you're going with this.
Yup, yup.
I'm gonna tickle you! I'm gonna tickle you! Wait, wait, wait.
Where are you going with this? Oh! Hang on, don't fall.
What's that? It's a surprise for Gene.
I designed a cheer stunt for his squad.
He's gonna love it.
Uh, Lin, do you think with Gene you're being just a little suck-uppy? Suck-uppy? I am not a suck up, and I don't play favorites with my kids.
I love them all, even the ones who aren't special.
Okay, it's just that Are you wearing a cheerleading skirt? No.
It's something I picked up at the thrift store.
It's a regular short pleated skirt with stripes on it.
In royal blue.
With a picture of a Viking.
It's comfortable.
Go team! Was that a cheer? No.
Why would I cheer? My pep is pooped.
All I want to do is eat a huge dinner and go straight to bed and get up later for my 1:00 a.
m.
cheese plate and then right back to bed.
Gene, come look at my cheer stunt! Six cheerleaders sit piggyback on each other in a tower.
Mm.
And then they all roll at once in a giant cartwheel.
Oh, oh.
Whoops, whoops.
No, don't-don't worry about that.
Look, I made a flip book out of a sticky pad.
Whoa! Ah! I call it the Pig Wheel.
Get it? Huh? So you like it? That's a great idea on planet Crazy Cheer! We'd all die! No, no, look at the flip book.
It's crazy, and you're driving me crazy! What? I'm just being part of your cheerleading.
You're not a cheerleader, and you never will be! Oh, I knew it! You're just like Monica! I hope so because Monica sounds great! I wish I could have cheered with her! You! Forget dinner.
I'm going to bed! But I'll still be up for the cheese plate! And we better not be out of toast points! Lin? You okay? Gene's not my favorite anymore! I'll go make his cheese plate.
Hell-o.
Hello.
This is a warning! You quit cheerleading, or I'm coming back for the other nurple! Why?! Why?! Also, this isn't Zeke.
This is someone else.
And you can't tell who 'cause I'm wearing a jockstrap across my face.
Got to go.
Got math.
Quit the squad! Look at this nurple! It's purple! Well, I didn't do it! Well, someone did! All I know is it wasn't Zeke! So I guess you're quitting.
Keep in touch.
I'll never quit, or keep in touch! Everyone quiet! I have a dramatic announcement.
As a joke, I submitted a tape of this squad to the state cheer association.
This morning, I got a call.
Is that it? Is that the announcement, or is there? Oh, shh! I was pausing for effect! You've been selected for Regional Cheer Finals on Kingshead Island! We made the finals! Oh, my God, finals! I didn't even know about them, but now we're going! Oh, and it's tomorrow, and you need a brand-new, groundbreaking, original routine.
Don't look at me.
I'm busy! What?! Oh, my God, that's, like, impossible! To win in finals, we'd have to be ahead of our time.
Or be from ahead of our time.
What? We could be cheer-bots.
In robot costumes with robot cheer moves.
Beep bop boop.
We will use our laser beam to annihilate your team.
Mm-mm, mm.
That is I can't make up my mind.
It's either genius or crap.
It's crap.
Todd hates it.
That means it's genius! Yay, cheer-bots! Mom, Dad! Come on, I can't be late! This is the regional finals! All right, keep your shorts on, Short Circuit.
Hmm.
Lin, come on.
Be nice.
Sorry, Bob.
Still kind of miffed at Gene.
Frankly, I'd rather be with Tina on her big date at Pie in the Sky.
Poor Louise.
She's probably feeling like a third wheel right about now.
Ha-ha, look at me! The world is literally revolving around me! Okay, we have the pie-stravaganza party platter and three forks.
Thank you, thank you, and that's my backup fork.
Can I get some water? She said, "We are barely revolving.
" Let's turn this lazy Susan into a crazy Susan, okay? Um, it revolves at a speed that's designed for the comfort of our diners, so we can't really Jimmy, he wants ten bucks.
Grease him.
Oh, God, okay.
Oh, I'll talk to my pals in the engine room.
We want pies flying off the table, buddy.
Oh! You feel that? Not really.
Oh, yeah! Lovebirds, hold on to your nests! So, Lin, when cheerleaders compete, who cheers for them? Football players? What? I was I was making a joke.
Bob, I don't believe it! What? Hello, Monica.
It's Linda.
Linda, I No.
No, I'm going first, Monica.
You hurt me a long time ago.
But you can't hurt me anymore, Missy.
I'm so sorry.
I don't remember you.
Ooh, that hurts.
Ooh, that hurts! Oh, it hurts! Oh! Linda from high school.
Do you have a child competing here? Yeah, that's my son Gene down there.
Oh, my gosh.
He looks just like you.
Well, he acts just like you.
A cold, unfeeling, dead-inside cheer-bot! Oh.
So, uh, hey, I'm Bob.
Guys, I think we got this thing.
Yeah! We go on last, and so far there hasn't been anything half as good as Cheer-Bots from the Year 2525! And now, Melvin Laird Middle School presents the robot cheer team from the future! Beep, boop, gleep, glorp! Beep, boop, gleep, glorp! Melvin Laird stole our routine! Those are our semi-erotic robotics, and Melvin Laird stole them! Or someone here leaked it to them! But who would do that? Who would do something like that? Give up? It was me! Wha?! Why, Mr.
Ambrose? Why? Because having your cheers stolen five minutes before you perform is incredibly dramatic! Now you really have to scramble! You are the worst cheer adviser.
Someone burp me.
Is that weird? I really need it.
Louise, let's go already.
"Louise, more pie"? I may throw up, but let's roll the dice! No! Stop interpreting! This whole date has been about you, not me! Jimmy Jr.
, I don't know if you can understand me, but this is the date I wanted.
We'd watch a movie probably 27 Dresses then we'd walk along the beach at low tide and find a cozy place to sit in the kelp and kiss.
I heard every word, Tina.
That's the same date I wanted, too.
Except that movie I've seen it three times.
So, that's 81 dresses total.
Okay, I'm gonna be honest.
I can't really understand either of you.
Ow.
Oh, now I'm definitely gonna be sick.
It's okay.
No one's gonna know who did that.
Guys, guys, guys, huddle up.
Maybe it's enough that we're robots from a different year in the future, right? It's not.
It's over.
There's one thing we can try.
It's called The Pig Wheel.
It's never been accomplished before except by stick figures.
I don't want to be "that guy," but if we do that, we're all gonna die a tragic death in front of our families.
Stop, no, I never meant it to come to this! It's too risky! Do it! Do it! The person at the bottom might be crushed.
I volunteer.
No, Gene.
We had our problems, but your passion and charisma are the reason we're even here.
You deserve the top.
I'll be the bottom.
Then I went to college on a cheerleading scholarship.
Mm-hmm.
I was even was a professional cheerleader for a while.
Well, my life turned out great, too! Yeah, I get all the hamburgers I want for free! And French fries! Show her, Bob! Uh, show her what? Well, sometimes you got French fries in your pockets.
No, I don't.
I d Oh, wait, there is one.
Um, I-I don't know how that got there.
Well, I'll eat it.
It's pretty cool, huh? Pretty cool! Let's hear it for Melvin Laird! That routine definitely computes.
Now up, Wagstaff! Hey, what the heck is that? I shouldn't have said I'd be on the bottom.
Oh, my God, they're doing my Pig Wheel! I'm a cheerleader! Yay, Gene! You're my favorite again! Mama loves you, baby! Lin, this is crazy.
Gene is way up there.
There's no way that's safe.
Okay, everybody, now we're gonna roll in a big wheel.
We go on my count.
One two That wasn't me! Oh, no.
They're gonna fall.
Gene! I'll catch you! I'll catch you! So many knees and elbows! Get off! Get off! Get off! Thanks, Mr.
Ambrose.
That was really, really sweet.
Mr.
Ambrose, you saved us! Why? Because five minutes ago, I started to really care about you kids.
What a twist! The jaded cheer advisor has a heart of gold! Well, we still lost.
Todd, if the judges saw what I saw, you're gonna win.
So, last place.
Mm-hmm.
And you got a trophy.
You get a trophy for last place? Yeah.
At least no one was killed, right? Nope.
So, that's also good.
I don't care if I'm okay.
Carry me off! It's more dramatic! Sorry, I said you weren't a cheerleader, Mom.
I'm sorry, too, Gene.
I was trying to cheerlead through you.
And I still am.
Here's a new stunt a pyramid of kids with a kid on top spinning another kid around like a windmill.
Go on.
I call it The Daffy Dutchman.
Stop.
Let's give it a shot right now.
Squad! Mom, walk us through it.
No! Ready.
Okay.
No! Man.
Are we ever gonna get the check? Oh, hey look.
Here comes my vomit again.
Hi, vomit.
We got spirit on our team! That's gr-reat! You got spirit on your team! That's gr-reat! Fight!