Mike & Molly s04e21 Episode Script

So, what do you think your mom's gonna criticize first, my hair, my shoes, the flowers that I got so she wouldn't make fun of my hair or my shoes? I told you not to bring flowers.
It's a sign of weakness.
Now she's gonna look for something: your shoes, your lipstick.
What's wrong with my lipstick? Nothing.
I think it's great.
It's supposed to look like you ate a popsicle, right? What are you doing here? You invited us to dinner a week ago.
Did I? It must have slipped my mind.
What is that noise? Just got a little leak, no big deal.
A little leak? Sounds like the urinal trough at the Cubs game.
What the hell happened?! Probably just a burst pipe.
I got it under control.
Did you shut off the main? I was a little busy opening the door for people who show up unannounced.
You invite! Never mind.
I'll take care of it.
What's up with your lips? You been sucking face with a clown? Don't you have bigger fish to fry? Why didn't you call us? I can't bother you two with every little thing that pops up.
Since when? You call Mike every time the milk smells funny.
I bought it at that Asian market.
You know how they jimmy with those sell-by dates.
The water main's off.
That'll stop the flow.
Now we can just focus on cleaning up.
I'll get the mop.
La, la-ba-dee-da La, la-ba-dee-da For the first time in my life I see love I see love For the first time in my life I see love Yeah, we gotta make sure the water didn't spread too far, 'cause we do not want to tangle with mold.
It's bad enough these old houses are full of asbestos and lead paint.
Should I be wearing a mask? Do you own one? No.
Then no.
Thanks, you guys, for helping me out.
Of course.
Makes no sense to pay somebody to patch a hole in the ceiling.
Well, we got to support a bathtub, lay some tile, and while we're at it, we should put in a toilet that does the job in one flush.
You can't always blame the toilet, Mike.
Yeah, we shouldn't have a problem fixing this.
I looked up "bathroom remodel" on YouTube they got everything on there.
Although, I have yet to find a nunchuk video with a happy ending.
I just don't understand how it happened.
I mean, she got the new copper pipes five years ago.
Brand-new copper pipes in this worn-out house? That's like giving an Are you serious about the asbestos and lead paint? What do I know? I just watched a few YouTube videos.
Who wants pizza rolls? Oh, thanks, Ma.
Hey, what are you gonna do while we're fixing this? You can't stay here.
You got no bathroom.
You kidding? I grew up on a farm.
Give me a kitchen sink for washin' and a bucket for squattin', I'm good to go.
Careful, careful, man! Don't get that on my clothes! That stuff is toxic! If we're gonna get you a new tub, what do you think about one of those walk-in ones? How old do you think I am? What does age got to do with it? I want one.
Molly won't even let me have a chair in the shower.
I'll take a regular tub.
No fuss, no muss.
I just don't understand how there was that much water.
We couldn't even find a burst pipe.
What's done is done.
Who cares about the why of it? I just don't want it to happen again.
It's not gonna happen again.
What if it does, and you're sitting at that table when that tub comes crashing down? Well, then that son of a bitch at State Farm'll finally have to pony up on my life insurance, and you'll be 15 grand richer.
How can you be so casual about this? 'Cause it was just a stupid mistake.
I might have forgotten and left the water running in the tub.
All night? You left it running all night? All night, all day.
I can't keep track of that stuff.
Ma, this isn't like you left your porch light on.
You almost turned your house into an ark.
Look, if it's too much work for you, Moe and Curly, I'll hire somebody else.
That's not what I'm saying.
Then I don't want to hear any more about it! Fine! Just so we're clear, of the three of us, I'm Moe.
Ma just left the water running and was too embarrassed to admit it.
No big deal.
No big deal? She just gave her bathroom the world's biggest glory hole.
The house is old.
It doesn't take much for things to go wrong.
You got that right.
Things get old, things go wrong.
What is that supposed to mean? Your mom's getting up there.
Maybe her check engine light just came on.
It's not necessarily her age.
I hate to say it, but it sounds like late-stage syphilis.
She's reading a book on Al Capone.
She thinks everybody's got syphilis now.
My mother does not have syphilis.
Still, to be safe, she should notify all her partners.
No syphilis, no partners, stop talking.
Well, if you ask me, it all sounds a little bit too convenient.
What's convenient about a tub coming through the ceiling? Uh, a son that has to spend every free moment at his mother's house fixing it.
Is this how your brain works? No.
It's how hers works.
My brain just figures it out.
Oh, man What's still a mystery to me is how she rigged that tub to come through the floor at the precise moment we arrived.
I'm thinking it has something to do with, like, a pre-cut floor and a timer.
You're giving her a little too much credit.
Oh, am I? You know, when my mental faculties start slip-sliding away, I want you to do the right thing.
Remarry? Before that.
Take a lover? No.
I want you to end my suffering peacefully.
Tell me we're going for ice cream, then, when I'm smiling like an imbecile in the front seat, bing! You whack me on the back of the head with a hammer.
Hey, do you want to go out for ice cream? Anybody need a snack from the kitchen before I take my whore's bath? No, I'm good.
Nah, nah.
All right.
Well, if you hear the ding of the microwave, that's me heating up my washrag.
Don't run in thinking it's popcorn.
I won't come anywhere near that kitchen.
Don't worry.
We'll get lunch delivered.
Once we reinforce these joists, we can start putting in the brackets.
How'd you learn so much about construction? Well, when your village gets burned down and rebuilt every three months, you get pretty good with your hands.
Unless, of course, the warlords chopped them off.
Singin' in the bathtub Sittin' all alone Tearing out a tonsil Just like A baritone You guys think she's okay? She's a little pitchy, but she can carry a tune.
I mean her mental state.
She seems all there to you, right? Yeah.
No, she's sharp as ever.
Although she does keep mixing me up with Carl.
I think that's less about her memory and more about the era she grew up in.
I know you're worried but, the way I see it, she's still the same old Peggy Biggs.
Ma! Oh! Sorry.
I forgot I wasn't alone.
Samuel, she's gone.
I'm gonna stay up here for a while.
How am I even supposed to start this conversation with her? "Hey, Ma, nice weather we're having.
By the way, we think you're going nuts.
" Well, that is not the word I'd choose.
So, what, "loopy"? No! "Bananas"? No "Cuckoo"? No.
You're trying to just open a dialogue with her, see if she's even aware of her behavior.
I hope she's aware.
I saw things today no son should see.
Ever.
I know.
It's gonna stick with me, Molly.
She came out of that kitchen and there they were.
They were so white.
I told you I don't want to hear any details.
Enough people have already been hurt today.
Hey, Peggy.
What are you doing here? Waiting for my son to come tell me I'm going loony.
Oh.
Are you? No, I've just been a little forgetful lately.
Apparently if that happens after you're 50, everybody starts thinking you got the Alzheimer's.
Mm.
Or at my age, they think you just smoke too much pot.
Is that what your deal is? It is, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, here we are.
I'll leave you to it.
And later, you know, if you need to forget about all your forgetting I'll be in my room.
So, Peggy, uh, Mike wanted to talk to you about what's been going on lately with the bathtub and the, the forgetfulness.
And the toplessness.
Mike, you want to, you want to jump in here? Ma, we-we love you.
We care about you.
Are-are you going nuts or what? Mike! I don't need to sit here and listen to this.
Well, we just want to talk and make sure everything's okay.
You're not gonna put me in a home.
Of course we won't.
Of course not.
Yeah, you say that now.
If things get too bad, we'll deal with it.
Of course we will.
Yeah, worst case, you come here and live with us.
Well, yeah, I-I We don't need to get ahead of ourselves here.
We're not gonna ship her off to some institution.
I'm not saying that! Where we gonna put her here? We're already packed in like sardines.
This is my mom! She deserves the best.
We'll stick her in the basement.
Oh, so you can lock me down there like some illegal housekeeper? No, nobody is going to live in the basement.
This is just a discussion.
Nothing is being decided.
Damn right it isn't, 'cause I'm getting out of here.
Where are my car keys? Ma, I drove you here.
Let me take a look at that basement.
Go.
What do they need all this nonsense for? They just want to know your medical history so they can try to help figure out what's going on.
All they want is my Social Security number, so they can sell it to the Russians.
I don't think that's what they do.
But we'll just leave that blank.
Okay I'm gonna erase this because your first name is Margaret, and not Go To Hell.
Okay, does your family have a history of any of the following Glaucoma? Yes.
Oh, okay.
Anemia? Yup.
Seizures? Oh, yeah.
Really? My Uncle Jumpy.
If you clicked on the room light too quick, he'd flop around the floor like a fresh-caught carp.
Peggy, I know you're nervous about all this, but, you know, I think a lot of times, these things turn out to be nothing.
Really, Dr.
Know-It-All? Is that your prognosis? You mean diagnosis.
I'm You know what? I'm-I'm gonna turn this in.
Okay, I think that's as far as we can go with the forms.
Oh, fine.
Have seat; we'll call you when the doctor's ready.
Okay.
Um, do you know how long this might be? 'Cause my mother-in-law gets a little You'll see.
Shouldn't be too long.
Okay.
Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
Aw, damn it.
We got a runner.
Whew! After what we saw at your mom's house, I'm finally getting my appetite back.
I thought we weren't gonna talk about it.
I can still see 'em when my eyes are closed.
They were so white.
Okay.
We were all there.
Well I'm sorry.
I just, you know, I got to talk it through.
I'm suffering a little PTS-Double-D.
Enough.
Have you heard from Molly yet? No.
I'm sure if it's anything serious, she'll call me.
What are you gonna do if the news ain't good? What I always do stick my head in the sand and hope it goes away.
Say what you want it worked for jury duty.
You're gonna have to deal with it sometime.
Well, I know, but what options are there? Put her in a home, move in with her, she moves in with us.
None of these scenarios is pleasant.
Yeah.
I'm gonna have to go through the same thing with my grandma.
What are you gonna do with her? I have no choice, I got to do what's right.
Stick her in a home.
How is that right? Nana raised you.
Yeah, but you see the way she treats me.
Calling me Black Gilligan.
Sorry, little buddy.
I know Uh, if you like, I can discuss your hurt feelings tonight when she takes me out to dinner.
She's taking you to dinner? I probably shouldn't have said anything.
You see what I'm talking about? If she wants to live her last days with her loving grandson taking care of her, she best start treating me better.
When I get old, I'm going back to Senegal.
Really? Hmm.
Oh, yes.
In my country, elders are treated with respect and cherished.
Aw, that's nice.
Oh.
Yeah.
Of course, no one really lives past 50.
you have visitors in the main lobby.
Dr.
Kravitz Peggy? Yes, sweetheart? Sweetheart?! Oh, sorry, wrong Peggy.
Oh.
Um, excuse me.
Sorry.
Hope hope that heals.
Oh, that is never gonna heal.
Lord, I'm not really comfortable with the non-denominational makeup of this hospital chapel, but it'll have to do.
We both know what team You're on.
Lord, You have given me so much over the years a wonderful home, a loving son, and I I thank You for that.
I know You'll do with me what You will, but please, please, don't take my mind.
The last thing I want to be is a burden to the ones I love.
Peggy.
Oh! Holy hell! Look what you did you made me swear in the Lord's kiosk.
I'm I'm sorry.
I've been searching everywhere for you.
Oh, I needed to gather my thoughts.
Or what's left of 'em.
Peggy, I'm I'm not gonna pretend to know what you're going through but I do think you should see a doctor so you know what you're going through.
He's just gonna tell me what I don't want to hear.
Maybe.
Maybe not.
Then what am I gonna do? What if I can't manage on my own? You sure as hell don't want to take care of me.
I don't.
You might want to work on your bedside manner.
I didn't say I wouldn't.
I said I don't want to, and you don't want me to, either.
But I will.
No matter how we feel about each other, you're still my family.
I guess we are kind of stuck with each other.
Okay.
How about we go upstairs and talk to that doctor? Might as well get our money's worth.
That Medicaid-mooching bastard'll probably charge us for the appointment anyway.
See? There's the woman I don't want to take care of.
So the doctor said Peggy's electrolytes were off.
After all that, she was just dehydrated.
So not looney, just thirsty? Well that, and she'd gone off her blood pressure medication, so, yeah, kind of threw her for a loop.
So she'll be back to normal? Well, she'll be back to herself; I'm not sure what you call that.
I guess the takeaway from all this is, keep hydrated.
L'chaim.
Hey.
What's going on? A little setback in construction.
We thought we were cutting through some old pipes, and unfortunately, it was electrical conduit.
Knocked Carl clear across the room, but his shoes stayed on the ladder.
Never seen anything like it.
Again, Ma, that's Samuel.
Whatever.
Oh, my God.
Is he okay? Yeah, he's gonna be fine.
The house, on the other hand, is gonna be without electricity for a few days.
I guess I'll have to stay with family.
I knew that was gonna bite me in the ass.
I'll be in the basement.
Call me when dinner's ready.
Where you going? I'm going to her house.
I don't need no stinkin' electricity.