King of the Hill s04e23 Episode Script
Transnational Amusements Presents: Peggy's Magic Sex Feet
Peggy: OKEYDOKEY.
NOW-- WE'LL BE WITH DALE AND NANCY AT CHEF LING'S.
I DON'T KNOW THE NUMBER BUT IF THERE'S ANY PROBLEM JUST PENETRATE THE GRIBBLES' PERIMETER.
THE ALARM COMPANY WILL PAGE THEM.
I DON'T NEED A BABY-SITTER.
BOBBY, LUANNE IS NOT HERE TO BABY-SIT.
SHE IS HERE BECAUSE SHE MISSES YOU AND SHE WANTS TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU.
NO-NO-NO, I UH! ( doorbell rings ) YOU'LL GET THE OTHER HALF WHEN WE GET BACK.
MY TURN.
AH, CHANGE OF PLANS.
THE RESERVATIONS FELL THROUGH.
WE'RE GOING TO EAT IN THE ALLEY TONIGHT-- THE BOWLING ALLEY.
WHAT? OH, NO, I DON'T THINK I'M NOT MUCH OF A BOWLER.
THIS SHIRT WOULD BEG TO DIFFER.
LOOK AT YOURS, HANK.
"FLAMER," FOR THE PROPANE MAN.
I GUESS I COULD HAVE GONE WITH "PROPANE MAN.
" NO.
NO, "FLAMER" IS COOLER.
LOOK AT YOURS, SUG.
IT SAYS "SPARE PEG.
" I STARTED WITH "SQUARE PEG" AND THEN I GAVE IT A TWIST.
AND THEN NANCY SAID "SPARE" WAS A BOWLING TERM SO IT WORKS ON BOTH LEVELS.
ALL RIGHT.
THIS WAS VERY THOUGHTFUL BUT, REALLY, I'M NOT MUCH OF A BOWLER.
MAYBE WE COULD UH, WEAR THEM TO THE MOVIES COME ON, PEGGY, THE GRIBBLES ARE GOING TO THINK YOU DON'T LIKE THEM.
HE'S RIGHT, PEGGY.
WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST MY WIFE? Hank: MEN'S 12.
GENTS' 12.
MEN'S NINE, 42 EUROPEAN.
LADIES' FIVE, SUG.
GENTS' NINE, GALS' SIZE FIVE.
UH, MA'AM? HMM? THE MAN NEEDS TO KNOW YOUR SHOE SIZE.
I'M SURE HE DOES, AND I WILL TELL IT TO HIM.
WHY DON'T YOU GO PICK YOUR SHOES UP AND I WILL BE WITH YOU SHORTLY.
SHOE SIZE, MA'AM.
LOOK, I AM WILLING TO PAY YOUR SHOE RENTAL FEE BUT I WOULD LIKE TO BOWL IN MY OWN SHOES, PLEASE.
I'M SORRY, BUT THOSE AREN'T BOWLING SHOES.
I CAN'T LET YOU ON THE LANES.
COME ON, PEGGY.
WE'RE PUTTING OUR NICKNAMES UP ON THE SCREEN.
IT'S A LOT OF FUN.
I AM A SIZE 16.
OH, I'M SORRY.
I THOUGHT YOU SAID SIZE 16.
I DID.
OH, MY GOD.
NO ONE'S EVER ASKED FOR THOSE BEFORE.
JUST GIVE ME A FEW MINUTES.
ALL RIGHT, HANK! I'M JUST GOING TO GO CHECK ON BOBBY! BUT, MOMMY I WANT MY MARY JANES.
OH, PEGGY, IT'S NOT MY FAUL YOUR FEET ARE GROWING AND YOU'RE NOT.
I FOUND SOMETHING THAT CAN FIT HER.
( gasps ) NURSES' SHOES? ( crying ) HEY, WATCH YOUR FEET.
( gasps ) I'M LOOKING FOR SOMETHING IN A WOMAN'S SIZE 16 BOWLING SHOE THAT SAYS "EIGHT" ON THE BACK.
NO, I THINK YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A SIZE 16 AND A HALF THAT SAYS "EIGHT" ON THE BACK.
SIXTEEN AND A HALF? NO.
NO, NO.
I HAVE BEEN A SIZE 16 SINCE I WAS JUST A LITTLE GIRL.
OH, IT'S ACTUALLY QUITE COMMON FOR A WOMAN'S FEET TO KEEP GROWING AS SHE GETS OLDER.
THEY'RE GETTING BIGGER? OH, GOD.
YEAH, AT THIS RATE I'D SAY YOU'VE GOT A SHOT AT THE BIG TWO-OH.
( gasps ) ( sobbing ) HELLO.
HELLO? IT'S OKAY, IT REALLY IS.
OH, PLEASE.
SPARE ME YOUR PSYCHOBABBLE.
( sobbing ) I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL.
HONEY, THERE'S A MAN YOU SHOULD TALK TO.
HE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOUR FEET.
I DON'T HIDE MINE ANYMORE.
HUH? "GRANT TRIMBLE"? Man: AGAIN.
ONE MORE TIME.
HAVE YOU EVER HAD BACK PROBLEMS? NO.
OF COURSE NOT.
I'LL BET YOU'RE A GIFTED ATHLETE.
WELL, I AM ONE OF THE BES SOFTBALL PITCHERS IN THE TRI-TOWNS.
THAT'S BECAUSE YOU HAVE REALLY, REALLY AMAZING FEET.
THEY'RE LONG ENOUGH TO GIVE YOU A PERFECT STRIDE AND WIDE ENOUGH TO ROOT YOU FIRMLY ON THE GROUND.
I DON'T HAVE TO ASK IF YOU'RE A PROFESSIONAL SUCCESS.
I HAVE THREE-PEATED THE "SUBSTITUTE TEACHER OF THE YEAR" AWARD AT TOM LANDRY MIDDLE SCHOOL.
I WOULD HAVE BEEN SURPRISED IF YOU'D SAID OTHERWISE.
WAIT, ARE YOU SAYING THAT I OWE MY SUCCESS TO THE FACT THAT MY FEET ARE SO BIG? SOME MIGHT SEE THEM AS BIG.
I SEE THEM AS VIBRAN AND ALIVE.
THEY'RE ALSO VERY HOT.
WELL NO ONE HAS EVER TOLD ME THAT BEFORE-- ABOUT MY FEET.
I HAVE HEARD THAT BEFORE ABOUT MY EYES AND MY TEETH.
PEGGY, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO HELP OTHERS IN YOUR SITUATION? WE'RE MAKING A SMALL INSPIRATIONAL FILM.
IT'S FOR ALL THOSE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO HAVE FOOT ISSUES.
WE NEED TO TAKE THEM TO A PLACE WHERE THEY CAN FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEMSELVES.
WOULD YOU COULD YOU APPEAR IN IT? MR.
TRIMBLE, I-I'VE NEVER LET MY FEE BE PHOTOGRAPHED BEFORE.
I PLEASE, PEGGY.
YOU HAVE AN EXCEPTIONAL GIFT.
WOULDN'T IT BE WRONG OF YOU NOT TO SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD? I CAN SEE HOW IT MIGHT BE.
YES.
OH, YEAH.
WONDERFUL WORK, PEGGY.
THANK YOU.
NOW, GO WALK IN SOME MUD.
IT'S SPA GRADE, I ASSURE YOU.
GUESS WHAT I DID TODAY.
WORKED UP AN APPETITE FOR STEAK, I HOPE.
YEP.
I STARRED IN A SHORT FILM.
HOLD ON.
LET ME JUST OKAY.
SO TELL ME ABOUT IT.
WELL, I WAS DISCOVERED IN A PARKING LO JUST LIKE LANA TURNER AND NOW I'M GOING TO STAR IN AN EDUCATIONAL VIDEO WHICH LANA TURNER WAS NEVER ASKED TO DO.
WELL, THAT'S GREAT.
I'LL GET TO SEE MY WIFE IN A MOVIE.
ACTUALLY, IT'S NOT REALLY ME IN THE FILM.
I-IT'S MAINLY MY FEET.
WELL, EVERYONE HAS TO START SOMEWHERE.
WHAT'S IT ABOUT? IT IS AN EMPOWERMENT VIDEO FOR PEOPLE IN THE FOOT COMMUNITY.
OH, THE DIRECTOR, WHO IS A GENIUS FILMED ME GETTING A FOOT MASSAGE AND SOAKING MY FEET IN BUTTER STIMULATING MY SOLES WITH A PING-PONG PADDLE.
HANK, HE MAY EVEN DISTRIBUTE I ON THE INTERNET.
THE INTERNET? WELL, TELL ME, DOES A BIG MOVIE STAR LIKE YOU STILL LIKE HER STEAKS MEDIUM RARE? ( humming ) ( clearing throat loudly ) HANK.
I GOT SOMETHING YOU SHOULD TAKE A LOOK AT.
YOU MIGHT WANT TO BRING A VALID CREDIT CARD WITH YOU.
( snickering ) ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S SO FUNNY? IF IT'S THAT TWEETY BIRD MADE OF "Xs" I'VE ALREADY SEEN IT.
HANK-- WELCOME TO peggysfeet.
com.
WAIT A MINUTE.
IS THAT A PORNOGRAPHIC WEBSITE? IT'S NOT A PORNOGRAPHIC WEBSITE.
IT'S A FETISH WEBSITE.
AND THOSE ARE PEGGY'S FEET.
WELL, THOSE AREN'T.
NOW Man: You've got feet.
Peggy: Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
WHAT THE HECK IS THAT? PING-PONG PADDLE.
MM, PEGGY'S BEEN A BAD, BAD GIRL.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
OH, MY GOD.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
DANG IT, DALE, TURN THAT THING OFF.
JUST TESTING MY NEW SOUND CARD.
Oh, yeah.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, MAN.
IT ALL, ALL STARTING TO MAKE SENSE.
HOW YOU'RE GOING TO GO, GO TO AFFORD THEM OLE, THAT SHOP VACUUM.
FOR GOD'S SAKES, BOOMHAUER.
YOU'VE KNOWN PEGGY LONGER THAN I HAVE.
SHE RESPECTS HERSELF AND HATES HER FEET TOO MUCH TO EVER SHOW UP ON SOMETHING LIKE THIS.
SHH-SHH! HERE COMES THE FONDUE.
NO, IT DOESN'T.
HEY! Peggy: AND SO I HAVE FINALLY TAKEN MY OWN ADVICE TO COMBINE MY LOVE OF EDUCATION WITH MY INTEREST IN "EDUTAINMENT.
" BUT WHY ARE THEY ONLY MAKING VIDEOS OF YOUR FEET? VERY GOOD QUESTION.
YOU MAY NOT HAVE NOTICED BECAUSE I WEAR BOLD EYEGLASSES TO DRAW THE ATTENTION TO MY HEAD, BUT YOUR MOTHER HAS EXCEPTIONALLY LONG AND HANDSOME FEET.
( grunts ) AND, UP UNTIL NOW I HAD BEEN TRICKED BY THE MEDIA INTO THINKING THAT THEY WERE UNATTRACTIVE.
WHO? WHO IN THE MEDIA TRICKED YOU? BOBBY, I DON'T KNOW THEIR NAMES.
IT'S MORE OF A CONSPIRACY.
WELL, HEY, THERE'S MY MOVIE STAR.
( chuckles uncomfortably ) UH BOBBY, CAN YOU GO WATCH TV? CAN I?! SO, UH PEGGY, IF I WANTED TO SHAKE THE HAND OF THE DIRECTOR OF THIS, UH WELL, WHERE WOULD I GO TO WAIT FOR HIM? UH, TO SHAKE HIS HAND? DIRECTOR-WRITER-CAMERAMAN GRANT TRIMBLE DOES IT ALL.
HE HAS HIS OWN MOTION PICTURE WAREHOUSE OUT BY THE TRUCK SCALES.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
ARE YOU THE TICKLER? NO.
HELLO? HELLO, ANYONE THERE? HELLO.
TRIMBLE? TRIMBLE.
THIS IS A CLOSED SET.
TRIMBLE, I WANT YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE.
OH? AND WHO IS YOUR WIFE? MRS.
PEGGY HILL.
THEN YOU'RE A VERY LUCKY MAN BUT I'M AFRAID WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO SHARE.
YOU, SIR, ARE NOTHING BUT A LOW-RENT SMUT-HOUND AND YOU'RE GOING TO DELETE MY WIFE'S FEET FROM YOUR INTERNE BEFORE SHE FINDS OUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE WITH THEM.
WHAT I'VE DONE WITH THEM? I'VE MADE THEM STARS.
YOU MADE THEM WADE THROUGH PORK AND BEANS.
THIS ISN'T ABOUT INDIVIDUAL ARTISTIC DECISIONS.
IT'S ABOUT SOMETHING BIGGER THAN YOU OR ME OR ANY OF US.
IT'S ABOUT A WORLD WIRED TOGETHER A FUTURE WHERE, AT THE CLICK OF A MOUSE A DREAM CAN START IN ARLEN AND END ON A COMPUTER IN JOHANNESBURG.
THE GENERATIONS JOIN, UNITED UNDER THE BANNER OF A SINGLE IDEAL-- WOMEN'S BIG, BEAUTIFUL FEET.
IT'S ABOUT AN END TO STRIFE AND MISUNDERSTANDING ONE WORLD, ONE DREAM, ONE PEACE.
( sighs ) YOU LEAVE ME WITH NO CHOICE.
I'M GOING TO HAVE TO KICK YOUR ASS.
HOLD ON.
LET ME TURN ON THE CAMERA.
DUH UH, SORRY.
UH-UH, HANK.
NO MORE PAINTING MY TOENAILS ALONE IN THE DARK.
I DON'T CARE WHO SEES.
( sighs ): UH PEGGY THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT TO SHOW YOU ON YOUR COMPUTER.
THIS IS AN INTERNET SITE CALLED peggysfeet.
com.
WELL, I THINK THAT IS WONDERFUL.
NOW WOMEN WHO ARE TOO EMBARRASSED TO EVEN GO TO THE DOCTOR CAN BE INSPIRED BY MY FEE IN THE PRIVACY OF THEIR OWN HOMES.
PEGGY, YOUR FEET ARE STEPPING ON RAW HAMBURGER.
MM-HMM.
YES.
MR.
TRIMBLE SAYS THA THAT IS A COMMON EUROPEAN BEAUTY TREATMENT.
HERE'S SOME HONEY BEING POURED ALL OVER THEM.
IT-IT TONES THE PORES.
YEAH, AND NOW A BUNCH OF FLIES GET STUCK TO THEM.
OKAY, NOW, THAT WAS A MISTAKE.
UH HERE'S WHERE YOU CAN BUY THE FLIES.
THEY'RE SELLING THE FLIES? WELL, I'M SURE THE MONEY GOES TO IMPORTANT FOOT-RELATED CHARITIES.
UH, YOUR SOCKS ARE FOR SALE, TOO.
PEGGY, THEY'RE FOOT FETISH VIDEOS.
OH, MY GOD.
DON'T FEEL TOO BAD.
BILL SAYS A LOT OF COLLEGE GIRLS GET CAUGHT UP IN THE DIRTY INTERNET WORLD.
I'LL GIVE YOU SOME TIME.
( clears throat ) GRANT? OH, PEGGY, WHAT A TERRIFIC SURPRISE.
I HOPE YOU BROUGHT YOUR SWIM TRUNKS.
I AM NOT HERE TO SWIM, TRIMBLE.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO.
I HAVE IT ON GOOD AUTHORITY-- MY OWN-- THAT YOU HAVE BEEN EXPLOITING MY FEE FOR UNSEEMLY PURPOSES.
YOU HAVE A COMPUTER? YES.
I ALSO HAVE A MORAL COMPASS THAT ALWAYS POINTS TO "GOOD.
" ALL RIGHT, PEGGY, I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE A LITTLE ANNOYED.
WE WERE SHOOTING FOR THE WOMEN'S EMPOWERMENT MARKE BUT AS IT TURNS OUT, WOMEN WERE NOT AS INTERESTED AS WE'D HOPED.
WE DID, HOWEVER, FIND AN AUDIENCE, AND IT WAS MEN.
OH.
I WAS READY TO PULL THE PLUG ON peggysfeet.
com BUT THEN I REALIZED SOMETHING.
YES? HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A PAIR OF BIG, BEAUTIFUL FEET LIKE YOURS IN PLAYBOY MAGAZINE, PEGGY? NO.
NOT ON THE COVER AND I CERTAINLY WOULDN'T OPEN I BECAUSE I DO NOT READ PORNOGRAPHY.
LET'S USE A GAP AD.
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THEM IN A GAP AD, EVER? NO.
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU HAVEN'T.
BUT WHAT IF SOMEONE, ALONE AT FIRS WAS OUT THERE APPRECIATING BIG, BEAUTIFUL FEET? I MEAN, LOVING THEM THE WAY THEY DESERVE.
PRETTY SOON, YOU'D SEE THEM IN MUSIC VIDEOS THEN HOLLYWOOD MOVIES AND, BEFORE TOO LONG, ON 60-FOOT BILLBOARDS ACROSS AMERICA PUSHING PARKER PENS! SO, REALLY, WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS I WILL BE HELPING CREATE A BETTER WORLD FOR MEN AND WOMEN.
I'D BE LIKE ROSA PARKS.
THIS WEBSITE IS YOUR BUS, PEGGY.
RIDE IT TO FREEDOM.
Bobby: BUT YOU SAID THE MOVIES WERE JUST FOR WOMEN.
WELL, HONEY, ULTIMATELY, THEY ARE.
BUT, FIRST, WE MUST REACH THE MEN.
ALL RIGHT, HOW CAN I PUT THIS SO YOU'LL UNDERSTAND? HMM BOBBY, SOME MEN LIKE LADIES' BOTTOMS AND OTHER MEN LIKE LADIES' BOSOMS AND A SMALL, SMALL NUMBER-- TOO FEW-- LOVE LADIES' BIG FEET.
NOW, MOMMY IS TRYING TO INCREASE THAT NUMBER AND, THUS, HELP WOMEN EVERYWHERE.
HOW DOES THIS HELP THE WOMEN WITH THE BIG BOOBIES? THEY DON'T NEED ANY MORE HELP.
HANK, I AM GOING TO MY BOOK CLUB.
WE ARE READING THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER WHICH, LUCKILY, I READ 12 YEARS AGO.
THAT'S WHY YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ME READING IT RECENTLY, OKAY? I WILL BE AT BECKY BANKY'S HOUSE.
SHE DOES NOT HAVE A PHONE OR A CELL PHONE OR A TELEGRAPH.
OKAY, THEN.
Trimble: BEAUTIFUL.
BEAUTIFUL.
OH, YEAH.
CUT.
NOW, LET'S RINSE YOU OFF AND MOVE ON TO SOME MORE EGGS.
MORE EGGS? BUT WE'VE DONE SO MANY EGGS.
HOW ABOUT IF MY FEET ARE ON A SILKEN CUSHION? I SEE YOU HAVE ONE.
THAT COULD BE GOOD, BUT WAIT.
HOW ABOUT IF YOUR FEET ARE NEXT TO A ROTTING JACK-O'-LANTERN? YOU KNOW, SORT OF A "BEAUTY AND THE BEAST" THING.
WELL, I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT I SHOULD PLAY BEAUTY.
AND YOU WILL.
INNER BEAUTY.
"INNER BEAUTY"? Peggy: GOOD MORNING, GRANT.
I BROUGHT COFFEE.
OOH, IT'S STILL HOT.
THAT WILL BURN YOUR FEET.
ARE YOU READY FOR THAT? WHAT? NO.
THAT'S FOR YOU TO DRINK.
I DID HAVE AN IDEA, THOUGH WHICH IS WHY I BROUGHT THE FLOWERS.
UH-HUH.
HOW ABOUT SURROUNDING MY BEAUTIFUL FEE WITH BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS? I FIGURED, WE DID "BEAUTY AND THE BEAST.
" HOW ABOU "BEAUTY FINALLY MEETS HER MATCH"? UH, FLOWERS SMELL GOOD.
THAT'S NOT GOING TO WORK.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH SMELLING GOOD? PEOPLE LIKE FEET THAT SMELL GOOD.
TELL YOU WHAT-- WE'LL COMPROMISE WITH A TUB OF CORNED BEEF HASH.
NO, GRANT, THAT'S JUST MORE FOOD.
I BROUGHT THESE FLOWERS FROM MY OWN YARD.
THEY'RE SO PRETTY.
LOOK, I'VE BEEN AROUND THIS BUSINESS FOR LONG ENOUGH TO KNOW WHAT WORKS.
NO ONE WANTS "PRETTY.
" THEY WANT SPINACH, EGGS AND CORNED BEEF HASH.
FOR SOME REASON, THEY DON'T LIKE THEM TOGETHER.
GO FIGURE.
WELL, OF COURSE THEY WANT "PRETTY.
" THEY WANT MY FEET.
YOU-YOU SAID SO YOURSELF.
ALL RIGHT.
YOU'RE A SMART WOMAN.
ALL THE GIRLS FIGURE IT OUT EVENTUALLY AND THAT'S WHEN I START PAYING.
WHA HUH? IT'S 200 BUCKS FOR A FIVE-MINUTE SMOOSH VIDEO.
WE SHOOT TEN A DAY.
I'M GOING TO NEED YOUR SOCIAL.
BET YOU NEVER THOUGHT THOSE BIG, UGLY FEET OF YOURS COULD BUY YOU A FUR COAT.
YOU THINK MY FEET ARE UGLY? LET'S BE HONEST, PEGGY.
YOU KNOW YOUR FEET ARE UGLY.
THAT'S WHAT A CERTAIN TYPE OF VERY SELF-HATING INDIVIDUAL WILL PAY TOP DOLLAR TO SEE.
NOW, LET'S FIRE UP THOSE STOMPERS AND MAKE SOME DIRTY.
WHAT? ( crying ) ( crying ) PEGGY'S HOME.
AH.
HEY, PEGGY, CAN I, UH, FIX YOU A SANDWICH? ( sobbing ) OH, HANK, I WENT BACK TO GRANT TRIMBLE.
WHAT?! I FEEL SO STUPID.
IT TURNS OUT THE ONLY ONES WHO WANT TO LOOK AT MY UGLY FEET ARE PERVERTS ( sobbing ) AND THE PERVERTS ONLY LIKE MY FEE BECAUSE THEY'RE SO BIG AND ( wailing ): UGLY.
THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU.
THEY'RE FETISHISTS.
THAT MEANS THEY OBSESS ON ONE WEIRD LITTLE THING.
( sighs ) LOOK, I'LL NEVER LOVE YOUR FEET AS MUCH AS THEY DO BUT THE WAY I LOOK AT I WELL, YOU'RE LIKE A FULLY LOADED TRUCK.
THE BIG TIRES ARE PART OF THE PACKAGE.
YOU PAY EXTRA TO GET THOSE REALLY BIG TIRES.
( sobbing ) NOW, WHY ARE YOU CRYING? YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I WANT A NEW TRUCK.
( sobbing continues ) I DON'T SEE ANY PROBLEMS WITH YOUR FEET, MRS.
HILL.
THEY'RE PERFECTLY HEALTHY.
VERY GOOD.
NOW, WHAT I WOULD LIKE IS FOR YOU TO SMASH THEM WITH A HAMMER AND THEN RESET THEM UNTIL THEY'RE A SIZE FIVE.
I'M SORRY, BUT THAT'S WE DON'T DO THAT.
UH, MOM, AREN'T YOU SHOOTING SOME FOOT MOVIES TONIGHT? NO, BOBBY.
NEVER AGAIN.
ARTISTIC DIFFERENCES? NO.
WELL NO.
ALL THAT STUFF I TOLD YOU ABOUT EMPOWERMENT, IT WAS ALL LIES.
THE WHOLE TIME I WAS MAKING SMOOSH VIDEOS AND THEY ONLY WANTED ME FOR MY UGLY FEET.
THAT WAS MEAN OF THEM.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, BOBBY.
I ACTUALLY LET MYSELF BELIEVE THAT THESE WERE BEAUTIFUL.
CAN YOU IMAGINE PEGGY HILL THAT STUPID? I CAN IMAGINE, MOM.
I'M FAT.
OH, NO.
NO, HONEY, YOU'RE HUSKY.
IT SAYS SO ON YOUR JEANS.
MOM, I'M FAT, BUT BIG DEAL.
I DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT IT.
YOU NEVER MADE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT I AND JUST BECAUSE THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE IN THE WORLD WHO WANT ME TO FEEL BAD ABOUT IT DOESN'T MEAN I HAVE TO.
SO, BOBBY HILL'S FAT.
HEE! HE'S ALSO FUNNY, HE'S NICE HE'S GOT A LOT OF FRIENDS, A GIRLFRIEND AND, IF YOU DON'T MIND, I THINK I'LL GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW AND SQUIRT HER WITH WATER.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? Hank: MEN'S 12.
MEN'S NINE.
LADIES' FIVE, SUG.
GENTS' 12 AND NINE, GALS' SIZE FIVE.
MY NAME IS PEGGY HILL AND I WILL TAKE A SIZE 16 AND A HALF.
WE DON'T NEED TO KNOW YOUR NAME.
WE JUST NEED YOUR SHOES.
FINE.
16 AND A HALF.
Man: YOU KNOW, I THINK I SAW HER ON A WEBSITE.
Bobby: WHO? WHO IN THE MEDIA TRICKED YOU?
NOW-- WE'LL BE WITH DALE AND NANCY AT CHEF LING'S.
I DON'T KNOW THE NUMBER BUT IF THERE'S ANY PROBLEM JUST PENETRATE THE GRIBBLES' PERIMETER.
THE ALARM COMPANY WILL PAGE THEM.
I DON'T NEED A BABY-SITTER.
BOBBY, LUANNE IS NOT HERE TO BABY-SIT.
SHE IS HERE BECAUSE SHE MISSES YOU AND SHE WANTS TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU.
NO-NO-NO, I UH! ( doorbell rings ) YOU'LL GET THE OTHER HALF WHEN WE GET BACK.
MY TURN.
AH, CHANGE OF PLANS.
THE RESERVATIONS FELL THROUGH.
WE'RE GOING TO EAT IN THE ALLEY TONIGHT-- THE BOWLING ALLEY.
WHAT? OH, NO, I DON'T THINK I'M NOT MUCH OF A BOWLER.
THIS SHIRT WOULD BEG TO DIFFER.
LOOK AT YOURS, HANK.
"FLAMER," FOR THE PROPANE MAN.
I GUESS I COULD HAVE GONE WITH "PROPANE MAN.
" NO.
NO, "FLAMER" IS COOLER.
LOOK AT YOURS, SUG.
IT SAYS "SPARE PEG.
" I STARTED WITH "SQUARE PEG" AND THEN I GAVE IT A TWIST.
AND THEN NANCY SAID "SPARE" WAS A BOWLING TERM SO IT WORKS ON BOTH LEVELS.
ALL RIGHT.
THIS WAS VERY THOUGHTFUL BUT, REALLY, I'M NOT MUCH OF A BOWLER.
MAYBE WE COULD UH, WEAR THEM TO THE MOVIES COME ON, PEGGY, THE GRIBBLES ARE GOING TO THINK YOU DON'T LIKE THEM.
HE'S RIGHT, PEGGY.
WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST MY WIFE? Hank: MEN'S 12.
GENTS' 12.
MEN'S NINE, 42 EUROPEAN.
LADIES' FIVE, SUG.
GENTS' NINE, GALS' SIZE FIVE.
UH, MA'AM? HMM? THE MAN NEEDS TO KNOW YOUR SHOE SIZE.
I'M SURE HE DOES, AND I WILL TELL IT TO HIM.
WHY DON'T YOU GO PICK YOUR SHOES UP AND I WILL BE WITH YOU SHORTLY.
SHOE SIZE, MA'AM.
LOOK, I AM WILLING TO PAY YOUR SHOE RENTAL FEE BUT I WOULD LIKE TO BOWL IN MY OWN SHOES, PLEASE.
I'M SORRY, BUT THOSE AREN'T BOWLING SHOES.
I CAN'T LET YOU ON THE LANES.
COME ON, PEGGY.
WE'RE PUTTING OUR NICKNAMES UP ON THE SCREEN.
IT'S A LOT OF FUN.
I AM A SIZE 16.
OH, I'M SORRY.
I THOUGHT YOU SAID SIZE 16.
I DID.
OH, MY GOD.
NO ONE'S EVER ASKED FOR THOSE BEFORE.
JUST GIVE ME A FEW MINUTES.
ALL RIGHT, HANK! I'M JUST GOING TO GO CHECK ON BOBBY! BUT, MOMMY I WANT MY MARY JANES.
OH, PEGGY, IT'S NOT MY FAUL YOUR FEET ARE GROWING AND YOU'RE NOT.
I FOUND SOMETHING THAT CAN FIT HER.
( gasps ) NURSES' SHOES? ( crying ) HEY, WATCH YOUR FEET.
( gasps ) I'M LOOKING FOR SOMETHING IN A WOMAN'S SIZE 16 BOWLING SHOE THAT SAYS "EIGHT" ON THE BACK.
NO, I THINK YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A SIZE 16 AND A HALF THAT SAYS "EIGHT" ON THE BACK.
SIXTEEN AND A HALF? NO.
NO, NO.
I HAVE BEEN A SIZE 16 SINCE I WAS JUST A LITTLE GIRL.
OH, IT'S ACTUALLY QUITE COMMON FOR A WOMAN'S FEET TO KEEP GROWING AS SHE GETS OLDER.
THEY'RE GETTING BIGGER? OH, GOD.
YEAH, AT THIS RATE I'D SAY YOU'VE GOT A SHOT AT THE BIG TWO-OH.
( gasps ) ( sobbing ) HELLO.
HELLO? IT'S OKAY, IT REALLY IS.
OH, PLEASE.
SPARE ME YOUR PSYCHOBABBLE.
( sobbing ) I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL.
HONEY, THERE'S A MAN YOU SHOULD TALK TO.
HE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOUR FEET.
I DON'T HIDE MINE ANYMORE.
HUH? "GRANT TRIMBLE"? Man: AGAIN.
ONE MORE TIME.
HAVE YOU EVER HAD BACK PROBLEMS? NO.
OF COURSE NOT.
I'LL BET YOU'RE A GIFTED ATHLETE.
WELL, I AM ONE OF THE BES SOFTBALL PITCHERS IN THE TRI-TOWNS.
THAT'S BECAUSE YOU HAVE REALLY, REALLY AMAZING FEET.
THEY'RE LONG ENOUGH TO GIVE YOU A PERFECT STRIDE AND WIDE ENOUGH TO ROOT YOU FIRMLY ON THE GROUND.
I DON'T HAVE TO ASK IF YOU'RE A PROFESSIONAL SUCCESS.
I HAVE THREE-PEATED THE "SUBSTITUTE TEACHER OF THE YEAR" AWARD AT TOM LANDRY MIDDLE SCHOOL.
I WOULD HAVE BEEN SURPRISED IF YOU'D SAID OTHERWISE.
WAIT, ARE YOU SAYING THAT I OWE MY SUCCESS TO THE FACT THAT MY FEET ARE SO BIG? SOME MIGHT SEE THEM AS BIG.
I SEE THEM AS VIBRAN AND ALIVE.
THEY'RE ALSO VERY HOT.
WELL NO ONE HAS EVER TOLD ME THAT BEFORE-- ABOUT MY FEET.
I HAVE HEARD THAT BEFORE ABOUT MY EYES AND MY TEETH.
PEGGY, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO HELP OTHERS IN YOUR SITUATION? WE'RE MAKING A SMALL INSPIRATIONAL FILM.
IT'S FOR ALL THOSE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO HAVE FOOT ISSUES.
WE NEED TO TAKE THEM TO A PLACE WHERE THEY CAN FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEMSELVES.
WOULD YOU COULD YOU APPEAR IN IT? MR.
TRIMBLE, I-I'VE NEVER LET MY FEE BE PHOTOGRAPHED BEFORE.
I PLEASE, PEGGY.
YOU HAVE AN EXCEPTIONAL GIFT.
WOULDN'T IT BE WRONG OF YOU NOT TO SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD? I CAN SEE HOW IT MIGHT BE.
YES.
OH, YEAH.
WONDERFUL WORK, PEGGY.
THANK YOU.
NOW, GO WALK IN SOME MUD.
IT'S SPA GRADE, I ASSURE YOU.
GUESS WHAT I DID TODAY.
WORKED UP AN APPETITE FOR STEAK, I HOPE.
YEP.
I STARRED IN A SHORT FILM.
HOLD ON.
LET ME JUST OKAY.
SO TELL ME ABOUT IT.
WELL, I WAS DISCOVERED IN A PARKING LO JUST LIKE LANA TURNER AND NOW I'M GOING TO STAR IN AN EDUCATIONAL VIDEO WHICH LANA TURNER WAS NEVER ASKED TO DO.
WELL, THAT'S GREAT.
I'LL GET TO SEE MY WIFE IN A MOVIE.
ACTUALLY, IT'S NOT REALLY ME IN THE FILM.
I-IT'S MAINLY MY FEET.
WELL, EVERYONE HAS TO START SOMEWHERE.
WHAT'S IT ABOUT? IT IS AN EMPOWERMENT VIDEO FOR PEOPLE IN THE FOOT COMMUNITY.
OH, THE DIRECTOR, WHO IS A GENIUS FILMED ME GETTING A FOOT MASSAGE AND SOAKING MY FEET IN BUTTER STIMULATING MY SOLES WITH A PING-PONG PADDLE.
HANK, HE MAY EVEN DISTRIBUTE I ON THE INTERNET.
THE INTERNET? WELL, TELL ME, DOES A BIG MOVIE STAR LIKE YOU STILL LIKE HER STEAKS MEDIUM RARE? ( humming ) ( clearing throat loudly ) HANK.
I GOT SOMETHING YOU SHOULD TAKE A LOOK AT.
YOU MIGHT WANT TO BRING A VALID CREDIT CARD WITH YOU.
( snickering ) ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S SO FUNNY? IF IT'S THAT TWEETY BIRD MADE OF "Xs" I'VE ALREADY SEEN IT.
HANK-- WELCOME TO peggysfeet.
com.
WAIT A MINUTE.
IS THAT A PORNOGRAPHIC WEBSITE? IT'S NOT A PORNOGRAPHIC WEBSITE.
IT'S A FETISH WEBSITE.
AND THOSE ARE PEGGY'S FEET.
WELL, THOSE AREN'T.
NOW Man: You've got feet.
Peggy: Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
WHAT THE HECK IS THAT? PING-PONG PADDLE.
MM, PEGGY'S BEEN A BAD, BAD GIRL.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
OH, MY GOD.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
DANG IT, DALE, TURN THAT THING OFF.
JUST TESTING MY NEW SOUND CARD.
Oh, yeah.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, MAN.
IT ALL, ALL STARTING TO MAKE SENSE.
HOW YOU'RE GOING TO GO, GO TO AFFORD THEM OLE, THAT SHOP VACUUM.
FOR GOD'S SAKES, BOOMHAUER.
YOU'VE KNOWN PEGGY LONGER THAN I HAVE.
SHE RESPECTS HERSELF AND HATES HER FEET TOO MUCH TO EVER SHOW UP ON SOMETHING LIKE THIS.
SHH-SHH! HERE COMES THE FONDUE.
NO, IT DOESN'T.
HEY! Peggy: AND SO I HAVE FINALLY TAKEN MY OWN ADVICE TO COMBINE MY LOVE OF EDUCATION WITH MY INTEREST IN "EDUTAINMENT.
" BUT WHY ARE THEY ONLY MAKING VIDEOS OF YOUR FEET? VERY GOOD QUESTION.
YOU MAY NOT HAVE NOTICED BECAUSE I WEAR BOLD EYEGLASSES TO DRAW THE ATTENTION TO MY HEAD, BUT YOUR MOTHER HAS EXCEPTIONALLY LONG AND HANDSOME FEET.
( grunts ) AND, UP UNTIL NOW I HAD BEEN TRICKED BY THE MEDIA INTO THINKING THAT THEY WERE UNATTRACTIVE.
WHO? WHO IN THE MEDIA TRICKED YOU? BOBBY, I DON'T KNOW THEIR NAMES.
IT'S MORE OF A CONSPIRACY.
WELL, HEY, THERE'S MY MOVIE STAR.
( chuckles uncomfortably ) UH BOBBY, CAN YOU GO WATCH TV? CAN I?! SO, UH PEGGY, IF I WANTED TO SHAKE THE HAND OF THE DIRECTOR OF THIS, UH WELL, WHERE WOULD I GO TO WAIT FOR HIM? UH, TO SHAKE HIS HAND? DIRECTOR-WRITER-CAMERAMAN GRANT TRIMBLE DOES IT ALL.
HE HAS HIS OWN MOTION PICTURE WAREHOUSE OUT BY THE TRUCK SCALES.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
ARE YOU THE TICKLER? NO.
HELLO? HELLO, ANYONE THERE? HELLO.
TRIMBLE? TRIMBLE.
THIS IS A CLOSED SET.
TRIMBLE, I WANT YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE.
OH? AND WHO IS YOUR WIFE? MRS.
PEGGY HILL.
THEN YOU'RE A VERY LUCKY MAN BUT I'M AFRAID WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO SHARE.
YOU, SIR, ARE NOTHING BUT A LOW-RENT SMUT-HOUND AND YOU'RE GOING TO DELETE MY WIFE'S FEET FROM YOUR INTERNE BEFORE SHE FINDS OUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE WITH THEM.
WHAT I'VE DONE WITH THEM? I'VE MADE THEM STARS.
YOU MADE THEM WADE THROUGH PORK AND BEANS.
THIS ISN'T ABOUT INDIVIDUAL ARTISTIC DECISIONS.
IT'S ABOUT SOMETHING BIGGER THAN YOU OR ME OR ANY OF US.
IT'S ABOUT A WORLD WIRED TOGETHER A FUTURE WHERE, AT THE CLICK OF A MOUSE A DREAM CAN START IN ARLEN AND END ON A COMPUTER IN JOHANNESBURG.
THE GENERATIONS JOIN, UNITED UNDER THE BANNER OF A SINGLE IDEAL-- WOMEN'S BIG, BEAUTIFUL FEET.
IT'S ABOUT AN END TO STRIFE AND MISUNDERSTANDING ONE WORLD, ONE DREAM, ONE PEACE.
( sighs ) YOU LEAVE ME WITH NO CHOICE.
I'M GOING TO HAVE TO KICK YOUR ASS.
HOLD ON.
LET ME TURN ON THE CAMERA.
DUH UH, SORRY.
UH-UH, HANK.
NO MORE PAINTING MY TOENAILS ALONE IN THE DARK.
I DON'T CARE WHO SEES.
( sighs ): UH PEGGY THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT TO SHOW YOU ON YOUR COMPUTER.
THIS IS AN INTERNET SITE CALLED peggysfeet.
com.
WELL, I THINK THAT IS WONDERFUL.
NOW WOMEN WHO ARE TOO EMBARRASSED TO EVEN GO TO THE DOCTOR CAN BE INSPIRED BY MY FEE IN THE PRIVACY OF THEIR OWN HOMES.
PEGGY, YOUR FEET ARE STEPPING ON RAW HAMBURGER.
MM-HMM.
YES.
MR.
TRIMBLE SAYS THA THAT IS A COMMON EUROPEAN BEAUTY TREATMENT.
HERE'S SOME HONEY BEING POURED ALL OVER THEM.
IT-IT TONES THE PORES.
YEAH, AND NOW A BUNCH OF FLIES GET STUCK TO THEM.
OKAY, NOW, THAT WAS A MISTAKE.
UH HERE'S WHERE YOU CAN BUY THE FLIES.
THEY'RE SELLING THE FLIES? WELL, I'M SURE THE MONEY GOES TO IMPORTANT FOOT-RELATED CHARITIES.
UH, YOUR SOCKS ARE FOR SALE, TOO.
PEGGY, THEY'RE FOOT FETISH VIDEOS.
OH, MY GOD.
DON'T FEEL TOO BAD.
BILL SAYS A LOT OF COLLEGE GIRLS GET CAUGHT UP IN THE DIRTY INTERNET WORLD.
I'LL GIVE YOU SOME TIME.
( clears throat ) GRANT? OH, PEGGY, WHAT A TERRIFIC SURPRISE.
I HOPE YOU BROUGHT YOUR SWIM TRUNKS.
I AM NOT HERE TO SWIM, TRIMBLE.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO.
I HAVE IT ON GOOD AUTHORITY-- MY OWN-- THAT YOU HAVE BEEN EXPLOITING MY FEE FOR UNSEEMLY PURPOSES.
YOU HAVE A COMPUTER? YES.
I ALSO HAVE A MORAL COMPASS THAT ALWAYS POINTS TO "GOOD.
" ALL RIGHT, PEGGY, I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE A LITTLE ANNOYED.
WE WERE SHOOTING FOR THE WOMEN'S EMPOWERMENT MARKE BUT AS IT TURNS OUT, WOMEN WERE NOT AS INTERESTED AS WE'D HOPED.
WE DID, HOWEVER, FIND AN AUDIENCE, AND IT WAS MEN.
OH.
I WAS READY TO PULL THE PLUG ON peggysfeet.
com BUT THEN I REALIZED SOMETHING.
YES? HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A PAIR OF BIG, BEAUTIFUL FEET LIKE YOURS IN PLAYBOY MAGAZINE, PEGGY? NO.
NOT ON THE COVER AND I CERTAINLY WOULDN'T OPEN I BECAUSE I DO NOT READ PORNOGRAPHY.
LET'S USE A GAP AD.
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THEM IN A GAP AD, EVER? NO.
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU HAVEN'T.
BUT WHAT IF SOMEONE, ALONE AT FIRS WAS OUT THERE APPRECIATING BIG, BEAUTIFUL FEET? I MEAN, LOVING THEM THE WAY THEY DESERVE.
PRETTY SOON, YOU'D SEE THEM IN MUSIC VIDEOS THEN HOLLYWOOD MOVIES AND, BEFORE TOO LONG, ON 60-FOOT BILLBOARDS ACROSS AMERICA PUSHING PARKER PENS! SO, REALLY, WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS I WILL BE HELPING CREATE A BETTER WORLD FOR MEN AND WOMEN.
I'D BE LIKE ROSA PARKS.
THIS WEBSITE IS YOUR BUS, PEGGY.
RIDE IT TO FREEDOM.
Bobby: BUT YOU SAID THE MOVIES WERE JUST FOR WOMEN.
WELL, HONEY, ULTIMATELY, THEY ARE.
BUT, FIRST, WE MUST REACH THE MEN.
ALL RIGHT, HOW CAN I PUT THIS SO YOU'LL UNDERSTAND? HMM BOBBY, SOME MEN LIKE LADIES' BOTTOMS AND OTHER MEN LIKE LADIES' BOSOMS AND A SMALL, SMALL NUMBER-- TOO FEW-- LOVE LADIES' BIG FEET.
NOW, MOMMY IS TRYING TO INCREASE THAT NUMBER AND, THUS, HELP WOMEN EVERYWHERE.
HOW DOES THIS HELP THE WOMEN WITH THE BIG BOOBIES? THEY DON'T NEED ANY MORE HELP.
HANK, I AM GOING TO MY BOOK CLUB.
WE ARE READING THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER WHICH, LUCKILY, I READ 12 YEARS AGO.
THAT'S WHY YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ME READING IT RECENTLY, OKAY? I WILL BE AT BECKY BANKY'S HOUSE.
SHE DOES NOT HAVE A PHONE OR A CELL PHONE OR A TELEGRAPH.
OKAY, THEN.
Trimble: BEAUTIFUL.
BEAUTIFUL.
OH, YEAH.
CUT.
NOW, LET'S RINSE YOU OFF AND MOVE ON TO SOME MORE EGGS.
MORE EGGS? BUT WE'VE DONE SO MANY EGGS.
HOW ABOUT IF MY FEET ARE ON A SILKEN CUSHION? I SEE YOU HAVE ONE.
THAT COULD BE GOOD, BUT WAIT.
HOW ABOUT IF YOUR FEET ARE NEXT TO A ROTTING JACK-O'-LANTERN? YOU KNOW, SORT OF A "BEAUTY AND THE BEAST" THING.
WELL, I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT I SHOULD PLAY BEAUTY.
AND YOU WILL.
INNER BEAUTY.
"INNER BEAUTY"? Peggy: GOOD MORNING, GRANT.
I BROUGHT COFFEE.
OOH, IT'S STILL HOT.
THAT WILL BURN YOUR FEET.
ARE YOU READY FOR THAT? WHAT? NO.
THAT'S FOR YOU TO DRINK.
I DID HAVE AN IDEA, THOUGH WHICH IS WHY I BROUGHT THE FLOWERS.
UH-HUH.
HOW ABOUT SURROUNDING MY BEAUTIFUL FEE WITH BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS? I FIGURED, WE DID "BEAUTY AND THE BEAST.
" HOW ABOU "BEAUTY FINALLY MEETS HER MATCH"? UH, FLOWERS SMELL GOOD.
THAT'S NOT GOING TO WORK.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH SMELLING GOOD? PEOPLE LIKE FEET THAT SMELL GOOD.
TELL YOU WHAT-- WE'LL COMPROMISE WITH A TUB OF CORNED BEEF HASH.
NO, GRANT, THAT'S JUST MORE FOOD.
I BROUGHT THESE FLOWERS FROM MY OWN YARD.
THEY'RE SO PRETTY.
LOOK, I'VE BEEN AROUND THIS BUSINESS FOR LONG ENOUGH TO KNOW WHAT WORKS.
NO ONE WANTS "PRETTY.
" THEY WANT SPINACH, EGGS AND CORNED BEEF HASH.
FOR SOME REASON, THEY DON'T LIKE THEM TOGETHER.
GO FIGURE.
WELL, OF COURSE THEY WANT "PRETTY.
" THEY WANT MY FEET.
YOU-YOU SAID SO YOURSELF.
ALL RIGHT.
YOU'RE A SMART WOMAN.
ALL THE GIRLS FIGURE IT OUT EVENTUALLY AND THAT'S WHEN I START PAYING.
WHA HUH? IT'S 200 BUCKS FOR A FIVE-MINUTE SMOOSH VIDEO.
WE SHOOT TEN A DAY.
I'M GOING TO NEED YOUR SOCIAL.
BET YOU NEVER THOUGHT THOSE BIG, UGLY FEET OF YOURS COULD BUY YOU A FUR COAT.
YOU THINK MY FEET ARE UGLY? LET'S BE HONEST, PEGGY.
YOU KNOW YOUR FEET ARE UGLY.
THAT'S WHAT A CERTAIN TYPE OF VERY SELF-HATING INDIVIDUAL WILL PAY TOP DOLLAR TO SEE.
NOW, LET'S FIRE UP THOSE STOMPERS AND MAKE SOME DIRTY.
WHAT? ( crying ) ( crying ) PEGGY'S HOME.
AH.
HEY, PEGGY, CAN I, UH, FIX YOU A SANDWICH? ( sobbing ) OH, HANK, I WENT BACK TO GRANT TRIMBLE.
WHAT?! I FEEL SO STUPID.
IT TURNS OUT THE ONLY ONES WHO WANT TO LOOK AT MY UGLY FEET ARE PERVERTS ( sobbing ) AND THE PERVERTS ONLY LIKE MY FEE BECAUSE THEY'RE SO BIG AND ( wailing ): UGLY.
THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU.
THEY'RE FETISHISTS.
THAT MEANS THEY OBSESS ON ONE WEIRD LITTLE THING.
( sighs ) LOOK, I'LL NEVER LOVE YOUR FEET AS MUCH AS THEY DO BUT THE WAY I LOOK AT I WELL, YOU'RE LIKE A FULLY LOADED TRUCK.
THE BIG TIRES ARE PART OF THE PACKAGE.
YOU PAY EXTRA TO GET THOSE REALLY BIG TIRES.
( sobbing ) NOW, WHY ARE YOU CRYING? YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I WANT A NEW TRUCK.
( sobbing continues ) I DON'T SEE ANY PROBLEMS WITH YOUR FEET, MRS.
HILL.
THEY'RE PERFECTLY HEALTHY.
VERY GOOD.
NOW, WHAT I WOULD LIKE IS FOR YOU TO SMASH THEM WITH A HAMMER AND THEN RESET THEM UNTIL THEY'RE A SIZE FIVE.
I'M SORRY, BUT THAT'S WE DON'T DO THAT.
UH, MOM, AREN'T YOU SHOOTING SOME FOOT MOVIES TONIGHT? NO, BOBBY.
NEVER AGAIN.
ARTISTIC DIFFERENCES? NO.
WELL NO.
ALL THAT STUFF I TOLD YOU ABOUT EMPOWERMENT, IT WAS ALL LIES.
THE WHOLE TIME I WAS MAKING SMOOSH VIDEOS AND THEY ONLY WANTED ME FOR MY UGLY FEET.
THAT WAS MEAN OF THEM.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, BOBBY.
I ACTUALLY LET MYSELF BELIEVE THAT THESE WERE BEAUTIFUL.
CAN YOU IMAGINE PEGGY HILL THAT STUPID? I CAN IMAGINE, MOM.
I'M FAT.
OH, NO.
NO, HONEY, YOU'RE HUSKY.
IT SAYS SO ON YOUR JEANS.
MOM, I'M FAT, BUT BIG DEAL.
I DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT IT.
YOU NEVER MADE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT I AND JUST BECAUSE THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE IN THE WORLD WHO WANT ME TO FEEL BAD ABOUT IT DOESN'T MEAN I HAVE TO.
SO, BOBBY HILL'S FAT.
HEE! HE'S ALSO FUNNY, HE'S NICE HE'S GOT A LOT OF FRIENDS, A GIRLFRIEND AND, IF YOU DON'T MIND, I THINK I'LL GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW AND SQUIRT HER WITH WATER.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? Hank: MEN'S 12.
MEN'S NINE.
LADIES' FIVE, SUG.
GENTS' 12 AND NINE, GALS' SIZE FIVE.
MY NAME IS PEGGY HILL AND I WILL TAKE A SIZE 16 AND A HALF.
WE DON'T NEED TO KNOW YOUR NAME.
WE JUST NEED YOUR SHOES.
FINE.
16 AND A HALF.
Man: YOU KNOW, I THINK I SAW HER ON A WEBSITE.
Bobby: WHO? WHO IN THE MEDIA TRICKED YOU?