Bob's Burgers s05e07 Episode Script

Distinguished gray.
Undistinguished gray.
Hey! Stop counting my gray hairs.
We would count Dad's, but his hair is so fragile.
No, it's not.
Oh, my God, a clump.
Mom, can I use this bag to store my Thundergirls uniform? Aw.
I still can't believe you quit the Thundergirls.
Are you gonna put away your thunder-wear? Congratulations on getting out of that cult, Tina.
I was just getting too old for it, I guess.
What do you mean "too old"? Dad, Tina's 13.
In Thundergirl years, that's, like, 40.
Hey.
40 is the new 38.
Yeah, and 38 is the new Yeah.
Tina, what happened? There may have been a culture clash between me and the younger girls.
I mean, I wouldn't say I was a stick in the mud Look, a stick in the mud! In the old days, that's how a Thundergirl made a sun dial.
Oh, that's nice, Tina.
Did everyone see Tina's stick? Yes Anyway, now that I have an opening in my schedule, I can spend more time with you guys.
Okay, great.
Gene, what do we got going on this week? Uh, you've got a bath night I can move around, but you've already moved it twice.
Let's cancel it.
Tina, you're in.
Okay.
Well, I know what I'm doing.
I'm calling Gretchen at the salon.
Say good-bye to the gray, kids.
Fine.
But I'm keeping this one.
- Ow! - Oops, it's a black one.
I'll put it back.
Ugh, Gretchen, I'm so glad you got rid of those old-lady grays.
No more salt with this pepper.
You ready? Ready! Ta-da! Oh! Oh, my God! Uh-oh.
Yeah, uh-oh! L-Little mistake.
You made me look like a zebra! Fix it! Please, fix it.
Don't panic.
Don't panic.
Don't panic, Lin.
Fix it! I know I know what I can do.
Dye it back! No.
Dye it blonde.
What? Trust me.
Everything is better as a blonde.
Everything looks better.
Everything tastes better.
Like what? Ketchup packets, cough drops Ketchups? Come on.
Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, Oh do it, do it, do it.
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! What the hell? Can I get a menu, please? Whoa! Oh, my God.
Ah! It's middle-aged Mom Barbie! I like your hair.
It matches your teeth.
Thank you, Tina.
Sort of an extreme reaction to a few gray hairs, don't you think? No.
I'm not having more fun yet.
Wait! Yes, I am! You see? Gene gets it.
Bobby, you try.
No, I don't think so.
Aw, come on! Tina? Um, can I do it later after the chemical smell wears off? Louise? Who said that? Where's Mom? Tina? Trash? No, it's Ginny.
From Thundergirls.
Ginny? What are you doing in our alley pretending to be the trash? I couldn't risk anyone seeing me.
I'm here because Troop 119 has a mole.
I thought Katie just had a beauty mark.
No, a mole-mole.
I think someone in our troop has been spying on us.
For our archrivals, Troop 257.
Troop 257? They're the toughest troop in town.
I heard they hold hot dogs in the fire with their bare hands.
Yeah.
I saw one of them at the mall, and I hid in the middle of a rack of clothes.
But how could there be a mole in Troop 119? We pinky-swore we'd be friends forever.
Except that one girl who didn't have a pinky and moved away.
She had a lot going on.
Tina, I know it sounds crazy, but it's the only explanation.
You know how every year our cookie sales are pathetic? Yeah, that's our thing.
It's because of the mole.
She's been giving away our cookie leads to Troop 257.
I wasn't 100% certain until last week I was at my new job.
Lot of cookie lovers there.
I could smell it.
I arranged for Troop 119 to come to my office and sell cookies.
It was gonna be a huge score.
But when we showed up, guess who beat us to the punch.
- Troop 257? - Yes.
I had to eat Troop 257's cookies from my own break room.
Well, you didn't have to.
You I had to, Tina.
I had to! I'm so sorry.
I've talked to all the girls in the troop, and I can't rule out any of them.
The mole could be anybody.
Except you, Tina.
Oh, good.
It can't be you because you left the troop before the humiliating office incident.
That's why I need you to rejoin.
Talk to the girls.
Find the mole.
Me? Rejoin? But my wounds are still fresh.
I mean, I don't actually have wounds.
And if I did, I would do first aid on them because I have that patch.
Tina, every year at the cookie jamboree, I've had to explain why we have the lowest sales of anyone.
I'm not doing it anymore.
I'm not! Now, if I don't find the mole, I'm just I'm gonna I'm gonna dissolve the troop! Huh?! Dissolve Troop 119? No, you can't! Well, I'm gonna do it! Fine, I'll help you find your mole.
Great.
Okay.
Thank you.
And remember, don't tell anyone anything about this.
Got it.
This is between you, me, and my journal.
No.
No journal.
I meant my secret journal.
The one you don't know about.
You just told me about it.
Okay.
I'll just write it in a letter and mail it to myself and not open it.
No.
Don't write it anywhere.
Okay.
Cool, cool, cool, cool.
Cool.
We're back in, original copy of the Thundergirls handbook that the other girls think is old and outdated, - like me.
High five.
- Hey, Tina.
We're gonna go find shells and make me a shell bikini.
Want to come? Whoa! What's with the Thundergirls uniform? I decided to rejoin the Thundergirls.
What? No, Tina.
You just got out.
Now you're going back in? You're like the Brett Favre of Thundergirls.
I couldn't stay away.
I mean, it's not for any weird reason.
It's not like there's a mole in our troop and I'm going undercover to catch her or anything.
Wait, wait, wait.
Your troop has a mole? A thunder-mole? What? Where'd you get that idea? Is she giving away your cookie secrets or something? That's my stage name, Cookie Secrets.
Actually, yes.
To Troop 257.
But you didn't hear it from me.
Tina, you're the worst person to go undercover to catch a mole.
You just spilled your whole story to us.
You guys were all over me about it! All right, here's what you got to do.
You got to go in there and rattle some cages.
Grab those Thundergirls and shake 'em till you shake out a confession! It's me! It's me! I'm the mole! No, Louise.
I have to go about this delicately.
I have to make the mole feel safe so she comes to me.
Ugh, Tina, you so need me on this.
Do what I say and say what I say, and we'll have this case cracked by dinnertime.
Louise, it's Thundergirls stuff.
You wouldn't understand.
I can handle this on my own.
You don't need to get involved.
Tina, please.
I'm not gonna get involved.
It's not like I'm gonna go out right now and buy a Thundergirls uniform and then show up at your meeting later.
I mean, come on.
Okay, good.
Hey! I was thinking you guys could start calling me Blom.
Because I'm blonde and I'm your mom.
Get it? Mom, we're busy in here.
Hey, don't talk to Blom like that.
Thank you, Gene.
Okay, Tina.
You're back.
I mean, you're not back.
You're here to find the mole.
I mean, maybe sing some songs and make some s'mores.
But mostly to find the mole.
Hey, good to see the braid trains are still running.
Tina, come on in.
Look who's back, everyone.
Hey, guys.
It's your cool, young, hip friend Tina.
Can you dig it? You can take my place on the braid train.
I have to get snack ready.
I hope you all like chips with guaca-mole.
Ginny, did you know that the last chip in the bowl is 93% skin cells? Ugh, yes, Jodi.
This is nice.
Oh, hey, should we play a game where we tell each other our deepest, darkest secrets? Just kidding.
I mean, unless you want to.
Room for one more on that Thundertrain? Huh? Oh.
Hi.
Are you Nobody told me I-I don't have any Paperwork? Don't worry about it, honey.
My lawyer's sending it over.
Meet your newest, greenest, preteenest Thundergirl, me.
No! I mean, welcome.
Thank you.
Louise, I can't believe you joined my Thundergirls troop.
I told you I had everything under control.
Also, your sash is a disaster.
That was driving me crazy.
Tina, forget about the stupid sash.
We've got a mole to catch, girl! You and I are the mole patrol.
Come on! Do it! Beep, beep.
No, l Look at my mouth.
Let's just get down to business.
All right, here's what we know: Troop 119 has a mole who is giving away secrets to Troop 257.
Mm.
- So, which one of you is sabotaging our cookie sales? - Katie.
She's in honors math.
- Or she's an evil genius.
Ooh.
Julie.
She's kind of a motor mouth.
Is she yapping about troop secrets? Hmm? Rena.
She's a little on the short side.
But maybe she's telling tall tales.
Mm-hmm.
Jodi.
She wears rubber gloves because she's a major germophobe.
Or so she won't leave any fingerprints behind.
And finally there's Molly.
She's double-jointed.
Or a double-crosser.
Any one of them could be the mole.
Look at this suspicious character.
Gene Just let me into your world! Fine.
You go through everyone's trash, okay? Dig around.
Look for Half-eaten sandwiches? No, clues! They're not mutually exclusive! So we all agree, a surgical mole removal and no one gets hurt.
Right, Louise? Yeah, we all agree.
But what if I just did this? Ah! Ah! And now we shoot them.
Just kidding.
I kind of thought that'd be more fun.
Let's go trip Dad.
So blonde, so delicate and blonde.
Here are your buns, Mr.
Belcher.
Why are you calling me Mr.
Belcher? - Don't say 'cause I'm your boss - 'Cause you're my boss - And you're my sexy assistant.
- And I'm your sexy assistant.
Yes.
I'm gonna take off all my clothes and wait for you in the walk-in.
I don't think that's a good idea to Ow! That hit my eye.
Yes, it did.
It really hurts.
Let me look at it, you big baby.
Oh! I'm the blonde nurse! No.
No, no.
It's World War II.
You got shot in the eye.
No.
The chemistry between us is smoldering.
Oh, my God.
Let me see it.
This The fantasy doesn't work.
Why? I-I feel like if I got shot in the eye, I would want you to help my eye.
And my brain.
Well, I don't know.
I'm not a freaking doctor.
I'm a nurse, Bob.
Well, can you get a doctor? 'Cause I need a doctor.
Oh, wait.
Uh, I'm a doctor.
No.
Not Uh, let me look at that over here.
Oh, my God.
How are your bracelets coming along, girls? Fine.
Good.
Fine.
I'm giving my bracelet to my new baby sister.
She's so cute and she has almost no jewelry.
I'm giving mine to Katie.
I'm giving mine to Julie.
Jinx! Jinx! I mean Okay, time to put the plan into action.
Get them to trust me.
That's a pretty bracelet, Julie.
Thanks! - Okay, phase one complete.
- Turn everyone against each other until the mole is flushed out.
Wait, what? Katie told me she thinks your bracelet's ugly.
Huh? Oh, no.
Oh, yes.
Okay, I found some pretty cool stuff, and I've organized everyone's trash into piles.
Whose trash is that? Jodi's.
Hmm.
Interesting.
It's all interesting.
Each pile tells a story.
For example, last night, Rena had chicken.
The end.
Louise! Everyone in Troop 119 hates each other.
This is exactly what I was worried about.
I believe what you're trying to say is, "Thank you.
Thank you, Louise, for helping me smoke out the mole.
" Louise, you're going to destroy the troop! Why do you care so much about the troop, anyway? They rejected you, remember? Troop 119 shaped me into the woman I am.
I thought your underwear did that.
Tina, we tried things your way.
No, we didn't.
I did in my head, and it didn't work.
You'll thank me later when we remove the mole.
Changing subject.
Be honest, do I look like a Jessica? This is nice.
Wait.
Where's Louise? And where's Jodi? Katie, will you watch my lanyard? I'll be right back.
Let's mess with her lanyard.
I know you know something.
Tell me, or the glasses get a swirly! I don't know what you're talking about! And I can't see what you're doing! I'm holding your glasses over the toilet! Louise! Sorry, Jodi.
Let me get your glasses back for you.
Wait, now what are you doing? Just that thing where I breathe on the lenses and wipe them off with my shirt.
I was just about to break her! You're causing too much trouble! At least I'm doing something.
While you're making lanyards, whatever those are, I'm the one doing the dirty work.
No more dirty work, Louise.
I think I think you should leave the troop.
Wha What about mole patrol?! I'm shutting it down.
Wee-ooh-wee-ooh.
That was the sound of the siren shutting down.
Okay, fine, I will leave.
That's a great idea! Oh, it is? Oh, yeah! So no hard feelings? Nope! All right, everyone, let's make milk carton bird feeders.
One last milk carton bird feeder for the road? Good-bye! Bye.
See you at home.
Which one of you lucky mamajammas wears a size 14 boot and isn't all hung up about having one for each foot? Ugh.
Gene, what are you wearing? Trash fashion.
I call it trashion.
We should probably get you a tetanus shot.
Belcher residence.
Tina, can you tell Mom and Dad I'll be late for dinner? My meeting's running long.
I hope Mom doesn't get too upset.
Oh, okay.
Wait, what meeting? Oh, just a troop meeting.
You know how it goes.
Got it.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
What troop? Troop 257, Tina.
You joined Troop 257? No, Louise, you can't do that.
They're the enemy troop.
Too late.
Got to go.
Bye-bye! Hello? Louise? Let's get to know our newest member.
Troop 2-5-7! Whoo! You guys are the fun-dergirls over here, am I right? Good start, good start.
New girl, I didn't catch your name.
Alanis.
Where'd you say you moved from again? New York, New York.
Oh, my cousin Not the one in New York.
New York, New York, Michigan.
Oh.
Hey, so what are we doing, making bracelets? Bracelets? Girls, why don't you do some wood carving today? Okay! What are we whittling? Well, you could whittle a bear or a heart We're whittling knives! You girls and your knives! Hey, guys, sorry I had to stay late at school.
We had a bullying lesson.
From me.
What the hell was that? Our handshake.
Love it or lick it, snurb.
Hey, I love it already, snurb.
No, it's like this.
Aah! That's awesome! Do it again! All right.
Rock and roll.
Oh, girls.
How's it going? Any leads yet? I did some research on good places to go on our retreat.
I thought we could all spend some time together, talk, create a safe environment.
We don't have time to create a safe environment! Ginny, I couldn't help but notice it smells kind of moldy in here.
And so I have a couple names of really good mold people Oh! Not now, Jodi! I'll just I'll leave the list over here.
I brought you back in here to do a job.
My duct tape wallet got stuck in my hair.
Well, then cut your hair, Rena! Okay.
The cookie deadline is next week.
If we don't catch the mole before then, this troop is done! Uh what do I do, what do I do? I'm sorry, Thundergirls, I've let you down.
Maybe Louise was right I don't have what it takes.
I'm just a washed-up old Thunderhag! Son of a bitch.
La, la, la-la, la, la blonde La-la, la, la, la, blonde Lin, you've messed up this order.
Blonde? That's the third time today you've got an order wrong, and we've only had three customers.
Blonde? Yeah, and I found a bunch of cheese slices in the cash register.
Oh.
Uh-oh.
I think being blonde is making me dumb.
Uh, no, it's that you haven't paid attention to anything else but your hair since you dyed it.
No, really, I feel kind of dumb.
Well, you are kind of dumb.
Bob! I'm kidding.
I am kidding.
You're very smart.
Oh, see? - I don't get kidding anymore.
- Linda? Who's that brown-haired beauty spinning around in your restaurant? Who's that girl? It's m Whoa! I really am dizzy, I really Oh, boy.
Help me up, please.
Oh, my God.
Gretchen, you're a brunette now? I'm like the Tina Fey of my salon now.
Everyone thinks I'm so smart and funny.
Really? Yeah.
So, how's it going, James Blonde? Ha-ha-ha-ha! Uh, that's one of my jokes.
You might not get it 'cause you're blonde.
I do get it, Gretchen.
I think.
Well, I'm off to the library to pick up smart guys.
Good-bye, Gretchen.
Real quick, Bob, what do you think of the hair? I changed it.
I know.
Yep.
Good-bye, Gretchen! You know what they say once you go brown.
Bye! Louise.
Tina.
Nice sash except for the numbers on it.
Nice detective work except for not catching the mole.
By the way, I'm heading to a meeting right now.
A huge cookie lead just came in.
So I guess I got to go solve this thing all by myself.
Well, say hi to 257 for me.
But don't, because I hate them.
I mean, "hate" is a strong word, but Okay, while you're finishing that thought, I'm gonna go catch the mole.
Thundergirls forever! Thundergirls forever.
- We're 2-5-7! - Tell 'em! - What do we do with cookies? - Sell 'em! And what do we do with seat belts? Shut up! Okay, I'll-I'll just drive slow.
Fingers in! How'd we find out about this cookie lead? Huh? I'm just curious.
I mean, you guys seem to have a lot of leads.
We're here! Oh, no.
You know this place? This place? Blech! Yeah, I got food poisoning here.
Gross! You know what? I can't even go in.
I'm gonna, like, throw up.
What are you talking about, Alanis? You've got to help carry cookies.
Fine.
Be right there.
Just got to adjust my sash.
Aw, it's does anybody's sash just choke you? No.
Hi, Thundergirls.
Are you the cookie buyer? No yeah no.
What? You wanted to buy Uh, no, we didn't.
I'll take 'em.
Gene, no.
Fine, 70.
No, not 70.
Sign here.
Don't sign that.
Just sign it.
Louise? Why are you dressed like a Thundermummy? Louise? Huh, you must have me confused with someone else.
I'm Alanis.
What? Louise, what's going on? Why do they think we want cookies? Why do these people keep calling you Louise? These people happen to be her parents.
Wait.
Where's Tina? What troop is this? These people are her parents? What are they saying?! Well, bye! Hey, look who it is.
People that I just don't even know, because I'm not in that troop.
Louise! Tina sent us a 911 text to meet her here.
What's going on? That's what we'd like to know, Alanis.
What are you guys doing here, 257? This is our turf.
Are we rumbling, or what? Oh, my God! Hold on, Larissa.
Alanis is gonna tell us what's going on.
There's a good explanation for everything that I'm gonna tell you when I think of it outside.
Oh! Geez! I can explain what's going on.
I know who the mole is.
You guys are making banana nut fudge cookies with macadamias now?! Tina, what is going on? Why did I dye my hair blonde? I don't understand anything anymore! I said, I know who the mole is.
Allow me to explain.
In the original edition of the Thundergirls handbook, "If you want to trap a rabbit, you don't set one trap, you set five.
" I gave all of you a fake cookie lead, each one at a different location on Ocean Avenue.
Then I staked out Ocean Avenue, knowing that 257 would show up to one of the fake leads.
I brought enough food, supplies and toilet paper for days.
Luckily, they showed up before I finished my first roll.
Gotcha.
That's when I texted everyone to come meet me here.
Wow! That's impressive.
Okay, I am still lost.
So, who was it? Let's just say it rhymes with "Tina.
" It's you?! No, it's Rena.
Rena! Is that true? I'm not a mole! Tina, how do we know you didn't tell Troop This is your family's restaurant.
Uh oh, yeah, good point.
Yeah! Hold on a sec.
I found these in Rena's trash! So? Those are my old soccer cleats.
Well, they fit me perfectly, and I'm grateful to you! This is ridiculous.
Tina's obviously trying to frame me.
Tina?! No! No, I'm not.
I'm not framing her.
Wait, Rena.
Rena is the mole! I was right! I knew it! I knew it was you! But you just accused me on the ride over here.
Yeah, you accused me, too.
I knew it was someone! The only thing I couldn't figure out was why why'd you do it, Rena? My first year as a Thundergirl was in Troop 257 best year of my life.
We were in a vicious cookie turf battle with Troop 119.
Drastic measures had to be taken.
I was selected for a very special assignment to leave the troop I love and pretend to love the troop I hate.
We thought you were our friend! All these friendship bracelets, did they mean nothing? You mean this arm garbage? Larissa.
Geez.
I thought Tina took this Thundergirl stuff seriously.
You guys are intense.
Yeah.
You're like Linda Hamilton when she does all those angry pull-ups.
Let's hear it for Tina! Yay! Ugh! Come on.
Let's get out of here.
Oh, wait! We want to buy your cookies! No! Oh, right, right.
No.
With these glasses, my garbage ensemble is complete.
It's good.
I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but I love it.
One man's trash is Gene's next outfit.
Pick me out something next time you go.
What do you like to smell like? Mm, surprise me.
Well, another great Thundergirls meeting.
Look I got a "wise owl" patch for demonstrating the wisdom of an older Thundergirl.
Got to hand it to you, T.
You earned that patch you caught the mole and saved the troop.
I-I know I just said that.
So you're sticking with the Thundergirls, huh? I kind of hoped you were done with that extremely long chapter of your life.
Aw the mole patrol's gonna miss hanging out with each other.
No.
I mean, maybe.
You were a little jealous of the Thundergirls.
Taking your big sister away that's very insightful, Linda.
I'm back! Aah! I feel like I could read a book! Louise, you could always come back to Troop 119.
Nah.
Thundergirls is your bag, and if I had to, I would probably join Troop 257.
But if there's a murder or a drug sting, call me.
Well, I made this friendship bracelet for you.
Eh, you know, I'm not really a jewelry person.
- You don't have to wear it.
- No, I'm gonna wear it forever.
Back off.
2-5-7!