Queer as Folk s05e08 Episode Script
Honest to Yourself
SONG: # One, two, three, four, five, six, take it down! SONG: # One, two, three, four, five, six, take it down! # Cue the pulse to begin # Cue the pulse to begin # Cue the pulse to begin # Cue the pulse to begin # Cue the pulse to begin # Cue the pulse to begin # Cue the pulse to begin.
# # Cue the pulse to begin.
# (Groans softly) (Groans softly) SONG: # Would you like to come inside? # SONG: # Would you like to come inside? # (Moans) (Moans) # Would you like to come in now? # Would you like to come in now? (Men moan) (Men moan) (Men moan) (Men moan) (Sighs) (Sighs) Six down.
Six down.
Very impressive.
Very impressive.
Six as well.
It's a modest effort.
Six as well.
It's a modest effort.
This can be verified? This can be verified? I have signed affidavits.
How about you? I have signed affidavits.
How about you? The same.
The same.
So, it appears we're neck and neck.
So, it appears we're neck and neck.
Dick and dick.
Equal.
Dick and dick.
Equal.
EVEN, Brandon.
But never, never equal.
EVEN, Brandon.
But never, never equal.
Oh, but not for long.
Oh, but not for long.
My number seven just walked in.
My number seven just walked in.
What do you know? So did mine.
What do you know? So did mine.
(Laughs) And my number eight.
(Laughs) And my number eight.
I don't believe there are any stipulations I don't believe there are any stipulations regarding more than one at a time.
regarding more than one at a time.
MICHAEL: A couple more feet.
MICHAEL: A couple more feet.
Just Oh.
Just Oh.
Phew! Phew! That was a schlep.
That was a schlep.
(Sighs) Where's the bathroom? (Sighs) Where's the bathroom? There isn't one.
There isn't one.
I feel like something to drink.
Where's the kitchen? I feel like something to drink.
Where's the kitchen? Sorry.
But I have a sink.
Sorry.
But I have a sink.
(Yawns playfully) (Yawns playfully) And you'll have a bed.
And you'll have a bed.
As soon as we (Laughs) drag the rest of it up As soon as we (Laughs) drag the rest of it up How many is it? 19 flights of stairs? How many is it? 19 flights of stairs? No, it's only 18.
No, it's only 18.
Thanks again for the loan.
Thanks again for the loan.
Yeah, don't worry about returning it.
Yeah, don't worry about returning it.
Are you sure? Are you sure? I doubt we'll be needing it.
I doubt we'll be needing it.
As soon as I decorate As soon as I decorate What do you think of Louis Coutures? Love it.
What do you think of Louis Coutures? Love it.
.
.
I will have you and Ben over for dinner.
.
.
I will have you and Ben over for dinner.
Of course, first you'll need a table.
And chairs.
Of course, first you'll need a table.
And chairs.
Is it worth mentioning a stove? (Chuckles) Is it worth mentioning a stove? (Chuckles) Well, if there's anything else I can do Well, if there's anything else I can do You've already done plenty.
You've already done plenty.
Yeah.
I'm sure Brian would agree with you.
Yeah.
I'm sure Brian would agree with you.
He blames me for infecting you with all sorts of heretical ideas, He blames me for infecting you with all sorts of heretical ideas, like marriage and monogamy and a house and kids.
like marriage and monogamy and a house and kids.
He wants me burned at the stake.
He wants me burned at the stake.
You had nothing to do with it.
You had nothing to do with it.
There are things that I've wanted for a long time There are things that I've wanted for a long time that I could never have if I'd stayed with him.
that I could never have if I'd stayed with him.
I'm just sorry if it ruined your friendship.
I'm just sorry if it ruined your friendship.
Well, he did a fine job of that on his own Well, he did a fine job of that on his own without any assistance from you.
without any assistance from you.
Soready for the box spring? Soready for the box spring? Alright.
(Grunts) Alright.
(Grunts) Hello? Hello?! Hello? Hello?! I know you're there.
I can hear your sinus condition.
I know you're there.
I can hear your sinus condition.
Don't tell me - another one? Don't tell me - another one? Fifth one this week.
Another what? Fifth one this week.
Another what? Ohnothing.
Ohnothing.
Sweetheart, could you put a little more roast beef on there Sweetheart, could you put a little more roast beef on there and maybe another tomato? and maybe another tomato? You know, Carl's a detective.
Maybe you should tell him.
You know, Carl's a detective.
Maybe you should tell him.
Tell me what? Tell me what? Well, it's not like a crime has been committed or anything.
Well, it's not like a crime has been committed or anything.
It's just someone keeps calling and hanging up.
It's just someone keeps calling and hanging up.
Probably just a wrong number.
Or a stalker! Probably just a wrong number.
Or a stalker! Well, he is on TV.
You hear about it all the time.
Well, he is on TV.
You hear about it all the time.
Some crazed lunatic falls madly in love with a celebrity Some crazed lunatic falls madly in love with a celebrity and wants to marry him or slice him up.
and wants to marry him or slice him up.
Stalker? Stalker? Stalker? (Chuckles lightly) Stalker? (Chuckles lightly) A stalker.
Oh, my God.
What should I do? Hire a bodyguard? A stalker.
Oh, my God.
What should I do? Hire a bodyguard? We'll get an alarm system.
We'll get an alarm system.
With one of those panic buttons that connects directly to the police.
With one of those panic buttons that connects directly to the police.
Exactly.
I AM the police.
Exactly.
I AM the police.
You don't need a button.
You don't need a button.
You two are jumping to conclusions.
You two are jumping to conclusions.
If it is a stalker, he's probably harmless.
If it is a stalker, he's probably harmless.
Hell, he's afraid to even talk to you.
Hell, he's afraid to even talk to you.
Just keep an eye out.
You'll be alright.
Just keep an eye out.
You'll be alright.
And that's your best professional advice? And that's your best professional advice? It is.
Yeah? Well, here's mine.
It is.
Yeah? Well, here's mine.
You get yourself one of those pepper sprays so you can blast the bastard.
You get yourself one of those pepper sprays so you can blast the bastard.
Then you take one of those karate classes Then you take one of those karate classes so you can kick him right in the fucking balls.
so you can kick him right in the fucking balls.
Here, honey.
You have a sandwich.
Here, honey.
You have a sandwich.
Here you go.
Thanks.
Here you go.
Thanks.
Check out this listing.
Vases on eBay? Check out this listing.
Vases on eBay? Contributors to Proposition 14 have put their money Contributors to Proposition 14 have put their money where their hateful mouths are.
where their hateful mouths are.
It's hard to believe there are that many people It's hard to believe there are that many people who donate millions of dollars who donate millions of dollars just to prevent us from having the same rights as they do.
just to prevent us from having the same rights as they do.
I need to go to the centre.
I promised I'd volunteer.
I need to go to the centre.
I promised I'd volunteer.
Don't worry.
I'll pick up Gus at day care.
Don't worry.
I'll pick up Gus at day care.
DOORBELL RINGS DOORBELL RINGS Hey.
I've come for my little honey bun.
Hey.
I've come for my little honey bun.
I never thought I'd be taking my kid for a work-out so soon.
I never thought I'd be taking my kid for a work-out so soon.
Well, GymbaROO is not exactly Rip Gym.
I'll go get her.
Well, GymbaROO is not exactly Rip Gym.
I'll go get her.
Perfect blend of cream and honey.
As usual.
Perfect blend of cream and honey.
As usual.
Thank you.
Any time.
Thank you.
Any time.
You know, if I didn't know any better, You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you two are back to normal.
I'd say you two are back to normal.
Hmm.
Not quite.
Hmm.
Not quite.
It sure looks that way.
It sure looks that way.
Mel and I have decided to have an in-house separation.
Mel and I have decided to have an in-house separation.
A what? A what? (Chuckles) It's what our therapist called it.
(Chuckles) It's what our therapist called it.
We both live in the house.
We both live in the house.
Mel keeps the second floor and I'm in the studio and the attic.
Mel keeps the second floor and I'm in the studio and the attic.
We share chores and child care, We share chores and child care, but otherwise, we live totally separate lives.
but otherwise, we live totally separate lives.
II can't imagine Ben and me having that kind of an arrangement.
II can't imagine Ben and me having that kind of an arrangement.
It's not as difficult as it sounds, It's not as difficult as it sounds, once you get the system up and running.
once you get the system up and running.
In fact, I'd say it's working rather well.
In fact, I'd say it's working rather well.
(Coos) Hey.
Here's our little Olympic champion.
(Coos) Hey.
Here's our little Olympic champion.
Yes, you are.
Hello.
Yes, you are.
Hello.
TED: Hey.
How about grabbing some lunch? TED: Hey.
How about grabbing some lunch? There's a new sushi bar that serves blowfish.
There's a new sushi bar that serves blowfish.
It's either the most delicious thing you've ever tasted or you die.
It's either the most delicious thing you've ever tasted or you die.
Wellas tempting as your offer is, I've already ordered in.
Wellas tempting as your offer is, I've already ordered in.
OK, then, uhhow about after work, OK, then, uhhow about after work, we go out, just the two of us, knock back a few mango martinis.
we go out, just the two of us, knock back a few mango martinis.
Of course, just the mango for me.
(Chuckles) Of course, just the mango for me.
(Chuckles) How much? How much? How much what? How much what? How much of a raise are you gunning for? How much of a raise are you gunning for? Is that what you think I'm after? Is that what you think I'm after? Why else would you be threatening me with blowfish and mango martinis? Why else would you be threatening me with blowfish and mango martinis? I just thought, considering you've lost the love of your life I just thought, considering you've lost the love of your life and your best friend and soul mate - the Yin to your Yang, as it were - and your best friend and soul mate - the Yin to your Yang, as it were - you might want someone to share your pain with.
you might want someone to share your pain with.
And you're thinking that someone might be you? And you're thinking that someone might be you? Hey, I'm not the pathetic putz, lowly accountant Hey, I'm not the pathetic putz, lowly accountant whose sole purpose in life is to crunch numbers I once was, you know.
whose sole purpose in life is to crunch numbers I once was, you know.
I've been to hell and back.
I've lost everything, everyone.
I've been to hell and back.
I've lost everything, everyone.
So I think I know what you're going through, So I think I know what you're going through, even though you're concealing it, as always, even though you're concealing it, as always, with the utmost skill and aplomb.
with the utmost skill and aplomb.
Thank you, Theodore.
Thank you, Theodore.
The only pain that I'm suffering right now The only pain that I'm suffering right now is from these new Gucci loafers.
is from these new Gucci loafers.
I knew I should have gotten a size larger.
I knew I should have gotten a size larger.
Come on, Brian.
You can't fool me.
Come on, Brian.
You can't fool me.
You've got to free yourself of this burden.
You've got to free yourself of this burden.
Release it.
Let it all hang out.
Release it.
Let it all hang out.
My mother is a frigid bitch.
My mother is a frigid bitch.
My father was an abusive drunk.
My father was an abusive drunk.
They had a hateful marriage, They had a hateful marriage, which is probably why I am unwilling, or unable, which is probably why I am unwilling, or unable, to form a long-term, committed relationship of my own.
to form a long-term, committed relationship of my own.
The fact that I drink like a fish, abuse drugs The fact that I drink like a fish, abuse drugs and have more or less redefined promiscuity and have more or less redefined promiscuity .
.
doesn't helpmuch.
.
.
doesn't helpmuch.
As a result, I've lost the two people in my life As a result, I've lost the two people in my life that mean the most to me.
that mean the most to me.
Theredon't you feel better? Theredon't you feel better? No.
No.
But I'm sure you do.
But I'm sure you do.
KNOCK AT DOOR KNOCK AT DOOR Number nine.
Number nine.
Now, Ted Now, Ted .
.
if you'll excuse me my lunch has arrived.
.
.
if you'll excuse me my lunch has arrived.
Good afternoon, Mr Demerez.
Hello, Mr Morgan.
Good afternoon, Mr Demerez.
Hello, Mr Morgan.
Mr Logan I'm sorry.
MRS Logan.
My name is Justin.
Mr Logan I'm sorry.
MRS Logan.
My name is Justin.
I'm Corinne.
I'm Corinne.
Melanie.
From the Pennsylvania anti-Prop.
14 initiative.
Melanie.
From the Pennsylvania anti-Prop.
14 initiative.
Are you familiar with the proposed legislation? Are you familiar with the proposed legislation? That's right, sir - the one that keeps gays in their place.
That's right, sir - the one that keeps gays in their place.
A campaign of hate led by Reverend Fowler A campaign of hate led by Reverend Fowler and his Family America Coalition.
and his Family America Coalition.
They want the legislature to rewrite the state constitution They want the legislature to rewrite the state constitution limiting the rights of gays and lesbians.
limiting the rights of gays and lesbians.
No, sir, I'm not a cocksucker - I'm a lesbian! No, sir, I'm not a cocksucker - I'm a lesbian! It's not just about gay people.
It's not just about gay people.
It's about every American having the same rights.
It's about every American having the same rights.
Can we count on you for a donation? Can we count on you for a donation? I'll be sure to remember that, as they STUFF ME into the ovens! I'll be sure to remember that, as they STUFF ME into the ovens! (Chuckles) We'll send you a lawn sign.
(Chuckles) We'll send you a lawn sign.
I'll put a brochure in the mail.
Thanks for your time.
I'll put a brochure in the mail.
Thanks for your time.
It's been a pleasure talking to you.
It's been a pleasure talking to you.
Who did they get these lists from? The Nazi Party? Who did they get these lists from? The Nazi Party? Been going over their list of supporters, Been going over their list of supporters, figuring out which businesses to target.
figuring out which businesses to target.
I say boycott the whole fucking bunch of them.
I say boycott the whole fucking bunch of them.
I second the motion.
Holy shit.
I second the motion.
Holy shit.
Would you look at the names on here? Would you look at the names on here? Some of these are major corporations.
Some of these are major corporations.
They must be raising millions.
They must be raising millions.
The hate sells.
What else is new? The hate sells.
What else is new? Jesus Christ.
Don't tell me - he's on there too? Jesus Christ.
Don't tell me - he's on there too? Worse - my dad.
Worse - my dad.
DOG BARKS DOG BARKS ALARM WAILS ALARM WAILS LOUD METALLIC BANG LOUD METALLIC BANG (Sighs) (Sighs) Em, don't be such a scaredy-queen.
Em, don't be such a scaredy-queen.
No-one is stalking you.
No-one is stalking you.
Why would anybody stalk YOU? (Chuckles) Why would anybody stalk YOU? (Chuckles) Just because you're on the Channel Five news Just because you're on the Channel Five news and everyone adores the queer guy, and everyone adores the queer guy, and, of course, there is the undeniable fact and, of course, there is the undeniable fact that you do have an awesome ass that you do have an awesome ass (Screams) Oh, please! Please, you can have anything you want! (Screams) Oh, please! Please, you can have anything you want! Take my bag! I-I'll give you an autographed picture! Take my bag! I-I'll give you an autographed picture! Emmett! Emmett! Oh, my God.
(Pants) Drew! Oh, my God.
(Pants) Drew! What's up? What's up? Every time I'd get up the nerve to phone you, Every time I'd get up the nerve to phone you, I'd hang up, afraid somebody might be tapping my line.
I'd hang up, afraid somebody might be tapping my line.
YOU'RE the breather? YOU'RE the breather? (Chuckles) You should really do something about those sinuses.
(Chuckles) You should really do something about those sinuses.
(Chuckles) I know - it's my allergies.
(Chuckles) I know - it's my allergies.
So, other than the rockweed, how have you been? So, other than the rockweed, how have you been? Not so good.
Not so good.
You played in the championship.
You played in the championship.
I was at Woodys andit just happened to be on, I was at Woodys andit just happened to be on, and I just happened to catch your winning touchdown.
and I just happened to catch your winning touchdown.
(Chuckles) (Chuckles) And I just happened to read about your wedding to Sierra.
And I just happened to read about your wedding to Sierra.
Congratulations.
Thanks.
Congratulations.
Thanks.
We're getting a divorce.
We're getting a divorce.
That's why I was trying to call you.
That's why I was trying to call you.
I need someone I can talk to, Emmett.
I need someone I can talk to, Emmett.
Really talk to.
Really talk to.
You see, there was this guya fan.
You see, there was this guya fan.
(Sighs) (Sighs) I don't know how it happened, but, uh I don't know how it happened, but, uh You fucked him? You fucked him? Then he threatened to sell these to the tabloids Then he threatened to sell these to the tabloids if I wouldn't pay him off.
if I wouldn't pay him off.
Wow.
(Chuckles) Wow.
(Chuckles) You, uhwouldn't happen to have another set, would you? You, uhwouldn't happen to have another set, would you? The sonofabitch had a hidden camera.
The sonofabitch had a hidden camera.
He said he wanted 100 grand so I paid him.
He said he wanted 100 grand so I paid him.
Now he's come back, says he wants more.
Now he's come back, says he wants more.
When I told Sierra, she left.
When I told Sierra, she left.
I'm sorry, Drew.
I really am.
I'm sorry, Drew.
I really am.
Butwhat can I do? Butwhat can I do? I need advicefrom someone I can really trust.
I need advicefrom someone I can really trust.
I told you the last time what you should do.
I told you the last time what you should do.
And I told you You're not gay.
And I told you You're not gay.
Right.
(Scoffs) Right.
(Scoffs) You knowif it had just been about the sex, You knowif it had just been about the sex, I might have believed you, I might have believed you, that it was just, you know, messing around.
that it was just, you know, messing around.
But I know But I know .
.
when you kissed me andand hugged me, .
.
when you kissed me andand hugged me, when we fell asleep together when we fell asleep together .
.
it was more than just sportfucking.
.
.
it was more than just sportfucking.
And you know it too.
And you know it too.
Look, if you can't be honest with me, that's fine.
Look, if you can't be honest with me, that's fine.
It doesnt matter.
It doesnt matter.
But at least be honest with yourself.
But at least be honest with yourself.
(Sighs) (Sighs) MAN: Yeah, see you.
MAN: 'Bye.
MAN: Yeah, see you.
MAN: 'Bye.
I'm not a naive person, I'm not a naive person, but talking to some of these people tonight, I nearly lost it.
but talking to some of these people tonight, I nearly lost it.
I wanted to say, "How can you be such a bigoted, ignorant asshole I wanted to say, "How can you be such a bigoted, ignorant asshole "and still call yourself an American?" "and still call yourself an American?" And what DID President Bush say? And what DID President Bush say? (Chuckles) (Chuckles) Sorry if I got a little carried away.
Sorry if I got a little carried away.
No, don't be sorry.
Passion's a good thing.
No, don't be sorry.
Passion's a good thing.
Nothing worthwhile ever got accomplished without it.
Nothing worthwhile ever got accomplished without it.
I couldn't agree more.
I couldn't agree more.
See you tomorrow.
Five to eight.
See you tomorrow.
Five to eight.
Maybe we could get some dinner after? Maybe we could get some dinner after? Sure.
We could stop by the diner.
Sure.
We could stop by the diner.
Imeant some place nice.
Imeant some place nice.
Just thetwo of us.
Just thetwo of us.
Oh.
THAT k-kind of dinner.
Oh.
THAT k-kind of dinner.
I've been wanting to ask you all week.
I've been wanting to ask you all week.
Finally worked up the courage.
Finally worked up the courage.
I'm very flattered, but I've been kind of busy these days, I'm very flattered, but I've been kind of busy these days, what with the campaign, the baby and starting back to work.
what with the campaign, the baby and starting back to work.
It just doesn't leave me a lot of free time.
It just doesn't leave me a lot of free time.
Still, a girl's gotta eat.
Still, a girl's gotta eat.
(Chuckles) (Chuckles) You're very persuasive.
You're very persuasive.
Uh, hey, I haven't been on the phone all week for nothing.
Uh, hey, I haven't been on the phone all week for nothing.
Ben? Ben? Ben? Ben? BEN: I'm in here.
BEN: I'm in here.
You're smoking in the house without even a window open? You're smoking in the house without even a window open? Where's his bed? Where's his bed? I gave it to Justin for his new place.
I gave it to Justin for his new place.
You gave it to Justin? He needed it.
You gave it to Justin? He needed it.
And Hunter doesnt? And Hunter doesnt? Hunter's not here.
He will be.
Hunter's not here.
He will be.
In that case, we'll buy another bed.
In that case, we'll buy another bed.
Where are you going? To sell his clothes? Where are you going? To sell his clothes? Cut his face out of all the photos? That's unfair! Cut his face out of all the photos? That's unfair! I wish he were here too, but he's not! He's gone.
I wish he were here too, but he's not! He's gone.
Well, unlike you, I still have a little faith.
Well, unlike you, I still have a little faith.
Faith, denial - everyone makes their own choices.
Faith, denial - everyone makes their own choices.
Mine is to let him go and get on with my life.
Mine is to let him go and get on with my life.
You choose whatever you want.
You choose whatever you want.
I fucked my ninth in the sauna.
I fucked my ninth in the sauna.
Twice.
Twice.
Witnesses? Witnesses? Three.
Three.
And you? And you? Knocked off seven and eight.
Knocked off seven and eight.
Very good.
Very good.
But, alas, not good enough.
But, alas, not good enough.
I've only got one to go.
I've only got one to go.
Alex Easley.
Alex Easley.
And he certainly lives up to his last name.
And he certainly lives up to his last name.
The guy's got a shrine to me in his bedroom.
The guy's got a shrine to me in his bedroom.
I saw it when I fucked him.
I saw it when I fucked him.
However, the task won't be as 'Easley' accomplished as you think.
However, the task won't be as 'Easley' accomplished as you think.
He leaves for Puerto Vallarta tomorrow for a 2-week holiday.
He leaves for Puerto Vallarta tomorrow for a 2-week holiday.
So, unless you've got a very long dick, So, unless you've got a very long dick, by the time he gets back, I'll not only have evened the score by the time he gets back, I'll not only have evened the score .
.
I'll have won.
.
.
I'll have won.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Ah.
And there's my number nine now.
Ah.
And there's my number nine now.
JUSTIN: Do you realise if this thing passes, it'll take away my rights? JUSTIN: Do you realise if this thing passes, it'll take away my rights? As well as the rights of every other gay man and woman in this state? As well as the rights of every other gay man and woman in this state? I believe that's the point.
I believe that's the point.
And you don't care that I'll never be able to marry or adopt a child And you don't care that I'll never be able to marry or adopt a child or receive domestic partnership insurance? or receive domestic partnership insurance? It's not just me.
It's not just me.
The vast majority of Americans agree The vast majority of Americans agree that you and the others like you are a disgrace.
that you and the others like you are a disgrace.
You're an abomination in the Lord's eyes.
You're an abomination in the Lord's eyes.
But it's your choice.
It's not a choice.
But it's your choice.
It's not a choice.
Well, don't expect to be rewarded.
We're not asking to be rewarded.
Well, don't expect to be rewarded.
We're not asking to be rewarded.
We're asking for what's rightfully ours.
We're asking for what's rightfully ours.
The right to pervert the sanctity of marriage? The right to pervert the sanctity of marriage? To make a mockery of family values? To make a mockery of family values? A helluva lot you know about marriage or family values.
A helluva lot you know about marriage or family values.
You fucked around on Mom.
Watch your language! You fucked around on Mom.
Watch your language! Oh, forgive me, saying 'fuck' is far worse than what you did, Oh, forgive me, saying 'fuck' is far worse than what you did, you lying hypocrite! you lying hypocrite! For your information, Justin, I didn't break up our home life For your information, Justin, I didn't break up our home life or destroy your mother's and my marriage - you did.
or destroy your mother's and my marriage - you did.
(Laughs) And you can laugh at that too.
(Laughs) And you can laugh at that too.
But before you announced to us and the world But before you announced to us and the world that you were queer and proud of it, that you were queer and proud of it, we had a family and were doing pretty good.
we had a family and were doing pretty good.
So if you're looking for someone to blame, don't look at me.
So if you're looking for someone to blame, don't look at me.
Oh, God, I'd love a jumbo Kielbasa.
(Chuckles) Who wouldnt? Oh, God, I'd love a jumbo Kielbasa.
(Chuckles) Who wouldnt? But remember what the doctor said - But remember what the doctor said - lipo is not a licence to indulge.
lipo is not a licence to indulge.
The unwanted fat will just come back somewhere else.
The unwanted fat will just come back somewhere else.
Yeah, just my luck I'd grow a second ass.
Yeah, just my luck I'd grow a second ass.
Or two 50-pound earlobes.
Or two 50-pound earlobes.
Hmm? Hey.
Hmm? Hey.
Fortunately, that won't happen, because I have you to save me.
Fortunately, that won't happen, because I have you to save me.
What would I do without my pillar of strength? What would I do without my pillar of strength? I'm not as strong as you think.
I'm not as strong as you think.
There I was, sitting beside Drew.
There I was, sitting beside Drew.
God, I wanted him so bad, even after I swore I'd never see him again.
God, I wanted him so bad, even after I swore I'd never see him again.
Maybe you were just feeling sorry for him, poor guy.
Maybe you were just feeling sorry for him, poor guy.
I told him how he can put a stop to the whole thing.
I told him how he can put a stop to the whole thing.
All he has to do is come out.
Oh, that's all?! All he has to do is come out.
Oh, that's all?! (Chuckles) You make it sound so easy.
(Chuckles) You make it sound so easy.
It was for ME.
It was for ME.
It was obvious to everyone from the moment I popped out of my momma It was obvious to everyone from the moment I popped out of my momma that I was the new queen of Hazlehurst.
that I was the new queen of Hazlehurst.
They almost named me Elizabeth.
(Chuckles) They almost named me Elizabeth.
(Chuckles) You were lucky.
That they named me Emmett? You were lucky.
That they named me Emmett? That it was obvious.
That it was obvious.
That you never had to go through the hell of hiding it.
That you never had to go through the hell of hiding it.
The fear of being found out.
The fear of being found out.
Back in college, I was a ZAP.
Back in college, I was a ZAP.
Zeta Alpha Pi.
(Chuckles) Zeta Alpha Pi.
(Chuckles) I couldn't believe when I was accepted.
I couldn't believe when I was accepted.
It was one of the hardest houses to pledge, and they wanted me? It was one of the hardest houses to pledge, and they wanted me? Anywayevery Saturday night, Anywayevery Saturday night, I'd go out drinking and trawling for women with my frat buddy, Jack.
I'd go out drinking and trawling for women with my frat buddy, Jack.
Ooh! Ooh.
Ooh! Ooh.
(Inhales sharply) One night, we came back, totally smashed.
(Inhales sharply) One night, we came back, totally smashed.
And in my inebriated state, I confessed to him And in my inebriated state, I confessed to him that I kind of, sort of, totally had this mad, passionate crush on him.
that I kind of, sort of, totally had this mad, passionate crush on him.
And he said, "Me too!" And you fell into each other's arms.
And he said, "Me too!" And you fell into each other's arms.
He punched me on the nose He punched me on the nose and told everybody in the house I was a fag.
and told everybody in the house I was a fag.
After that, I was ceremoniously unZAPed.
After that, I was ceremoniously unZAPed.
I never knew, Teddy.
I never knew, Teddy.
I mean, it was hard enough for me, a mere mortal, to come out.
I mean, it was hard enough for me, a mere mortal, to come out.
For a deity like Drew For a deity like Drew What would you like to drink? Scotch, please.
What would you like to drink? Scotch, please.
And for you, sir? Johnnie Walker.
And for you, sir? Johnnie Walker.
And, uhsome extra nuts.
And, uhsome extra nuts.
WhyAlex? WhyAlex? (Both grunt, pant) (Both grunt, pant) I win.
I win.
And it's three hours earlier.
And it's three hours earlier.
Ma, I asked for plain paper.
Ma, I asked for plain paper.
Well, if you want to be boring, that's your problem, Well, if you want to be boring, that's your problem, but don't inflict it on your poor kitchen.
but don't inflict it on your poor kitchen.
This way, every time you open a drawer, you get a surprise.
This way, every time you open a drawer, you get a surprise.
Or a heart attack.
Or a heart attack.
What's this? What's this? Secret stash of Cap'n Crunch.
Secret stash of Cap'n Crunch.
"Keep your fucking hands off.
Hunter.
" "Keep your fucking hands off.
Hunter.
" Sounds like a Novotny.
Sounds like a Novotny.
Heard from him lately? Heard from him lately? Not a fucking word.
Not a fucking word.
Can you believe that? That ungrateful little prick.
Can you believe that? That ungrateful little prick.
After all we did for him, to just walk away like that.
After all we did for him, to just walk away like that.
Who else would've taken him in, made him part of the family? Who else would've taken him in, made him part of the family? Not that I care.
Uh-huh.
Not that I care.
Uh-huh.
He just really done a number on Ben.
He just really done a number on Ben.
We're fighting about everything.
We're fighting about everything.
Are you two having sex? Ma! Are you two having sex? Ma! Shit! Shit! I just asked you the question.
Don't wreck the house.
I just asked you the question.
Don't wreck the house.
It's already wrecked.
It's already wrecked.
And no, we're not having sex.
And no, we're not having sex.
That's understandable.
You're grieving - both of you.
That's understandable.
You're grieving - both of you.
Darling.
Darling.
It's a tough lesson, It's a tough lesson, but one that everybody with children has to learn.
but one that everybody with children has to learn.
After a point, you have no control over them.
After a point, you have no control over them.
All you can do is hope All you can do is hope that you instilled enough strength and common sense for him to survive.
that you instilled enough strength and common sense for him to survive.
And that he knows you're still here for him And that he knows you're still here for him in case some day he changes his mind in case some day he changes his mind He wont.
He wont.
You and Ben should both get that out of your heads.
You and Ben should both get that out of your heads.
Hey, Hunter! Hey, Hunter! Hunter! Hunter! Never mind.
Don't look so disappointed.
Never mind.
Don't look so disappointed.
I can be Hunter if you like.
I can be Hunter if you like.
Thanks, it's not what I'm looking for.
Thanks, it's not what I'm looking for.
Then why are you here? Hey! Then why are you here? Hey! Whatever he did for you, I can do it better.
Whatever he did for you, I can do it better.
I know Hunter.
I know Hunter.
You do? You do? Where is he? (Chuckles) Where is he? (Chuckles) Oh, uh Oh, uh He left town.
Where did he go? He left town.
Where did he go? "Some place warm," is all he said.
"Some place warm," is all he said.
He said he hated it here, that he's never coming back.
He said he hated it here, that he's never coming back.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Hey.
As long as you paid, want me to cheer you up? Hey.
As long as you paid, want me to cheer you up? WOMEN LAUGH WOMEN LAUGH MELANIE: I've lived here all my life, I never knew that restaurant existed.
MELANIE: I've lived here all my life, I never knew that restaurant existed.
CORINNE: Isn't it fabulous? Oh, those stuffed grape leaves! CORINNE: Isn't it fabulous? Oh, those stuffed grape leaves! And that lamb.
That's Lindsay's favourite.
And that lamb.
That's Lindsay's favourite.
She marinates it in olive oil and mint She marinates it in olive oil and mint and then grills it with someum and then grills it with someum (Both chuckle) (Both chuckle) I've always wanted to go to Greece - Athens, Mykonos.
I've always wanted to go to Greece - Athens, Mykonos.
Not to mention Lesbos.
Not to mention Lesbos.
Imagine - a whole island where every man, woman and child is a lesbian.
Imagine - a whole island where every man, woman and child is a lesbian.
(Both laugh) (Both laugh) I must have onion breath from the Greek salad.
I must have onion breath from the Greek salad.
Then I must too.
We'll cancel each other out.
Then I must too.
We'll cancel each other out.
It's not just the onions.
I know.
It's not just the onions.
I know.
It'sit's been so long since I It'sit's been so long since I No need to explain.
Some other time.
No need to explain.
Some other time.
DOOR OPENS LINDSAY: Oh! DOOR OPENS LINDSAY: Oh! I'msorry.
I'msorry.
The trash comestomorrow.
The trash comestomorrow.
Linz, this is Corinne.
Linz, this is Corinne.
Hey.
Hi.
Hey.
Hi.
Wevolunteer Wevolunteer at the centre together.
at the centre together.
I just remembered - I forgot the trash from upstairs.
I just remembered - I forgot the trash from upstairs.
So I'll justgo up and collect it.
So I'll justgo up and collect it.
The trash from upstairs.
The trash from upstairs.
(Closes door) (Closes door) (Sighs softly) (Coughs softly) (Sighs softly) (Coughs softly) Peach a la mode.
Peach a la mode.
Oh.
No, thanks.
Oh.
No, thanks.
Hmm.
Shame to let it melt.
Hmm.
Shame to let it melt.
So, are you still getting calls from the breather? So, are you still getting calls from the breather? I've a feeling those have stopped for good.
I've a feeling those have stopped for good.
That's a relief.
That's a relief.
Actually, I kind of miss him.
Actually, I kind of miss him.
(Croakily) Juice, coffee, three egg whites - scrambled.
(Croakily) Juice, coffee, three egg whites - scrambled.
It's a little late for breakfast.
Not if you've been up all night.
It's a little late for breakfast.
Not if you've been up all night.
You know, a man your age should take better care of himself.
You know, a man your age should take better care of himself.
You could die of a stroke.
You could die of a stroke.
I'm counting on you to get to me first.
I'm counting on you to get to me first.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
So, where were you? Toolshed? Slammer? (Lisps) The Pith Hole? So, where were you? Toolshed? Slammer? (Lisps) The Pith Hole? Puerto Vallarta.
Puerto Vallarta.
Mmm.
Must be a new one.
Where is it? Mmm.
Must be a new one.
Where is it? Mexico.
Mexico.
You went to And back in less than 24 hours.
You went to And back in less than 24 hours.
Well, that was a quickie.
In more ways than one.
Well, that was a quickie.
In more ways than one.
I had a pressing piece of business to attend to.
I had a pressing piece of business to attend to.
And did you take care of it? And did you take care of it? Once at cruising altitude and once while we were making our approach.
Once at cruising altitude and once while we were making our approach.
(Laughs) (Laughs) Coffee, juice.
Coffee, juice.
Eggs will be ready as soon as the hens finish laying 'em.
Eggs will be ready as soon as the hens finish laying 'em.
You think he's a top? You think he's a top? Some of those hunks, when you get them in bed, Some of those hunks, when you get them in bed, turn out to be the biggest bottoms! turn out to be the biggest bottoms! I'd do him either way.
I'd do him either way.
And who might that be? And who might that be? The queen who just got outed.
The queen who just got outed.
Excuse me, sir, you might want to read this Excuse me, sir, you might want to read this before you shop at Taylor Electronics.
before you shop at Taylor Electronics.
Do you know that the owner of this store is a hate-mongering bigot Do you know that the owner of this store is a hate-mongering bigot who wants to deny honest citizens their rights? who wants to deny honest citizens their rights? Don't support businesses that don't support all Americans.
Don't support businesses that don't support all Americans.
Excuse me, folks, but you're trespassing on private property.
Excuse me, folks, but you're trespassing on private property.
They want to deny us a few more liberties? They want to deny us a few more liberties? Ma'am, if you don't leave, we'll be forced to make you leave.
Ma'am, if you don't leave, we'll be forced to make you leave.
Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? Well, my husband - except I'm not married Well, my husband - except I'm not married because my gay son here can't get married - because my gay son here can't get married - happens to be Detective Carl Horvath.
happens to be Detective Carl Horvath.
Ever heard of him? Yes, ma'am.
Ever heard of him? Yes, ma'am.
I've heard of you too.
I've heard of you too.
It's no problem, Officer.
Come on, Mom.
It's no problem, Officer.
Come on, Mom.
Let's move across the street.
Let's move across the street.
We can still make our point without getting into trouble.
We can still make our point without getting into trouble.
Well, we'll just yell twice as loud.
Well, we'll just yell twice as loud.
PROTESTERS: Yeah! PROTESTERS: Yeah! You too, son.
You too, son.
I'm not your son.
I'm his.
I'm not your son.
I'm his.
And I'm not going anywhere.
And I'm not going anywhere.
Whatever issues you have with your father, Whatever issues you have with your father, you should settle them off the street.
you should settle them off the street.
I already tried that.
I already tried that.
I'm standing in front of your door, Dad, in front of your face.
I'm standing in front of your door, Dad, in front of your face.
You can call in your troops, but I'm not going to disappear.
You can call in your troops, but I'm not going to disappear.
So, what are you going to do? Hmm?! So, what are you going to do? Hmm?! Come on, Dad, why don't you show us your great family values Come on, Dad, why don't you show us your great family values and have them arrest your son? and have them arrest your son? Sir? Sir? Go on.
Go on.
Are you sure you want to do that, sir? Are you sure you want to do that, sir? I told you to get him out of here.
I told you to get him out of here.
(Sighs) You're hereby arrested (Sighs) You're hereby arrested for unlawfully trespassing on private property.
for unlawfully trespassing on private property.
Anything you say may and will be used against you in a court of law.
Anything you say may and will be used against you in a court of law.
You have the right to an attorney.
You have the right to an attorney.
(Protesters chant, yell) (Protesters chant, yell) Meet my number 10.
Meet my number 10.
I already have.
He was my numberfive, I believe.
I already have.
He was my numberfive, I believe.
Anyway, you needn't bother.
I already won.
Anyway, you needn't bother.
I already won.
(Scoffs) Well, that's impossible.
(Scoffs) Well, that's impossible.
The guy's in Puerto Vallarta.
The guy's in Puerto Vallarta.
We both had a lovely flight.
We both had a lovely flight.
Although there was a little turbulence in the toilet.
Although there was a little turbulence in the toilet.
Game, set and match, sport.
Game, set and match, sport.
The winner, and still champion, is yours truly.
The winner, and still champion, is yours truly.
So, I guess you'll be wanting to collect your trophy? So, I guess you'll be wanting to collect your trophy? You bet your ass.
You bet your ass.
So you better polish it up.
So you better polish it up.
DREW: He said he'd go to the press.
DREW: He said he'd go to the press.
That if I didn't pay him, the tabloids would.
That if I didn't pay him, the tabloids would.
So I told him to go fuck himself.
I wasn't going to give another cent.
So I told him to go fuck himself.
I wasn't going to give another cent.
Now the damn paparazzi are surrounding my house.
Now the damn paparazzi are surrounding my house.
I can't even go home.
I can't even go home.
I feel like a fugitive.
Acriminal.
I feel like a fugitive.
Acriminal.
Yeah, that's why I called - to let you know you have a friend.
Yeah, that's why I called - to let you know you have a friend.
I've already called my lawyers.
I've already called my lawyers.
I'm going to file a lawsuit - sue him for $30 million.
I'm going to file a lawsuit - sue him for $30 million.
What about the photographs? They're real.
What about the photographs? They're real.
I'll deny it.
I'll deny it.
I'll say they were Photoshopped, the work of a blackmailer.
I'll say they were Photoshopped, the work of a blackmailer.
If they think they can mess with me, they've got another thing coming.
If they think they can mess with me, they've got another thing coming.
This time they fucked with the wrong guy! This time they fucked with the wrong guy! What about the next time? What about the next time? There isn't going to be a next time.
There isn't going to be a next time.
Ohyou're planning on giving up sex? Ohyou're planning on giving up sex? Who said that? There are plenty of women.
Who said that? There are plenty of women.
Maybe so, but when's the last time you had sex with a woman Maybe so, but when's the last time you had sex with a woman that you didn't think about a man? that you didn't think about a man? It's who you are, baby.
It's who you are, baby.
You can't fight it.
You can't fight it.
Sooner or later, there are going to be other guys.
Sooner or later, there are going to be other guys.
And each time there are, you'll be scared shitless, And each time there are, you'll be scared shitless, wondering, "Did he recognise me? Is he going to blackmail me? wondering, "Did he recognise me? Is he going to blackmail me? "Is he going to the tabloids?" "Is he going to the tabloids?" I mean, is that how you want to spend the rest of your life? I mean, is that how you want to spend the rest of your life? Thanks for bailing me out.
Thanks for bailing me out.
When I taught you to say please and thank you, When I taught you to say please and thank you, I never quite expected to hear it used that way.
I never quite expected to hear it used that way.
You too, Ben.
Any time.
You too, Ben.
Any time.
Actually, I take that back.
Let's hope it's the last time.
Actually, I take that back.
Let's hope it's the last time.
You can damn well be sure of that.
You can damn well be sure of that.
I'm going to have a few words with your father, I'm going to have a few words with your father, starting with, "You sick sonofabitch!" starting with, "You sick sonofabitch!" I wouldn't waste your breath.
He's not worth it.
I wouldn't waste your breath.
He's not worth it.
I can't believe a father would actually have his own son arrested.
I can't believe a father would actually have his own son arrested.
I don't believe you've ever had the displeasure I don't believe you've ever had the displeasure of meeting my ex-husband.
of meeting my ex-husband.
I used to think, in time, he would come around, I used to think, in time, he would come around, but now I think that he would rather see me dead than gay.
but now I think that he would rather see me dead than gay.
Your dad doesn't know how lucky he is to have a son.
Your dad doesn't know how lucky he is to have a son.
I'm going to go and get the car.
Yeah.
Thanks, Ben.
I'm going to go and get the car.
Yeah.
Thanks, Ben.
I just want you to know that even though your father I just want you to know that even though your father may no longer consider you his son, may no longer consider you his son, you will always be mine.
you will always be mine.
Thanks.
I'm just sorry I fucked things up.
Thanks.
I'm just sorry I fucked things up.
Fucked what up? Fucked what up? Dad says it's on account of me that Dad says it's on account of me that .
.
that I'm the one that destroyed your marriage.
.
.
that I'm the one that destroyed your marriage.
Honey, you don't really believe that? Honey, you don't really believe that? Hmm Hmm Well, it's not true.
Well, it's not true.
We were having problems long before you told us you're gay.
We were having problems long before you told us you're gay.
So, if he wants to lie to himself and blame you, let him.
So, if he wants to lie to himself and blame you, let him.
Don't you dare blame yourself.
Don't you dare blame yourself.
Hmm? OK.
Hmm? OK.
It was so awful seeing Mel kissing that woman, It was so awful seeing Mel kissing that woman, while I just stood there holding the garbage.
while I just stood there holding the garbage.
Mmm.
I think it's shocking.
Isn't it? Mmm.
I think it's shocking.
Isn't it? I mean that someone would want to kiss Mel.
I mean that someone would want to kiss Mel.
Ow! Fuck! Ow! Fuck! You deserved that.
You deserved that.
You want me to rub the boo-boo and make it better? You want me to rub the boo-boo and make it better? You leave my boo-boo alone.
(Sighs) You leave my boo-boo alone.
(Sighs) Christ! You can barely turn around in here.
Christ! You can barely turn around in here.
Where else am I supposed to go? Where else am I supposed to go? Sleep in the kitchen or on the front porch? Sleep in the kitchen or on the front porch? This whole in-house separation is for shit.
This whole in-house separation is for shit.
We need to do it - for financial reasons.
We need to do it - for financial reasons.
At the expense of your emotional reason? At the expense of your emotional reason? What's next? You come in on them fucking? What's next? You come in on them fucking? Don't say that! Can't face it? Don't say that! Can't face it? No, I can't face it.
No, I can't face it.
I guess, when I moved back into this house, I I guess, when I moved back into this house, I .
.
thought, despite what I knew, despite the rules, that .
.
thought, despite what I knew, despite the rules, that .
.
somehow Mel and I would .
.
somehow Mel and I would Get back together.
Get back together.
(Scoffs) You dykes just can't let go, can you? (Scoffs) You dykes just can't let go, can you? You just can't get it through your lesbianic brains You just can't get it through your lesbianic brains that you have to stop clinging to your past and move on.
that you have to stop clinging to your past and move on.
"Move on"? "Move on"? That's a good one, coming from you.
That's a good one, coming from you.
Carrying on like an oversexed adolescent, Carrying on like an oversexed adolescent, that 'fuck-off' of yours.
that 'fuck-off' of yours.
Yes, I know all about it.
Everyone knows all about it.
Yes, I know all about it.
Everyone knows all about it.
A childish competition between you and this year's young, hot stud.
A childish competition between you and this year's young, hot stud.
Not only is it ludicrous, it's humiliating.
Not only is it ludicrous, it's humiliating.
Well, I hope you win Well, I hope you win .
.
even though you've already lost something far more valuable.
.
.
even though you've already lost something far more valuable.
So don't you tell me about clinging onto my past So don't you tell me about clinging onto my past until you're willing to let go of yours.
until you're willing to let go of yours.
MAN ON TV: Stop right there! (Woman gasps) MAN ON TV: Stop right there! (Woman gasps) I'm a police officer.
Detective Elaine Bender.
Metro.
I'm a police officer.
Detective Elaine Bender.
Metro.
Hey! HEY! Hey! HEY! (Chuckles) You know, I solve crimes for a living, (Chuckles) You know, I solve crimes for a living, and I can tell you it doesn't happen in 60 minutes and I can tell you it doesn't happen in 60 minutes with the help of a partner who looks like a runway model.
with the help of a partner who looks like a runway model.
That's why there's no 'CSI Pittsburgh'.
That's why there's no 'CSI Pittsburgh'.
(Chuckles) DOORBELL RINGS (Chuckles) DOORBELL RINGS Sweetheart, would you get that? Sweetheart, would you get that? The runway model is about to nail the killer.
The runway model is about to nail the killer.
Oh, my God.
Drew Boyd.
Oh, my God.
Drew Boyd.
We met you last year at the game.
I remember.
We met you last year at the game.
I remember.
You were with this loud woman with red hair.
You were with this loud woman with red hair.
That would be me! That would be me! Uh, isis Emmett here? Uh, isis Emmett here? Honey, is Emmett here? Honey, is Emmett here? (Shouts) Emmett! (Shouts) Emmett! Come in, please.
Thank you.
Come in, please.
Thank you.
Look, I just want you to know - Look, I just want you to know - I don't care what you do in bed or who you do it with.
I don't care what you do in bed or who you do it with.
You're still one helluva ball player.
You're still one helluva ball player.
You have no idea how sorry I am you had to say that You have no idea how sorry I am you had to say that .
.
but how glad I am you did.
.
.
but how glad I am you did.
Deb? Did you call? Deb? Did you call? Want some? No, thanks.
Want some? No, thanks.
Are you sure? There's enough for two.
Are you sure? There's enough for two.
We each make our own dinner.
Isn't that what we agreed on? We each make our own dinner.
Isn't that what we agreed on? Linz, I am so sorry for that kiss with Corinne - Linz, I am so sorry for that kiss with Corinne - that you had to see it, that we did it right in front of you.
that you had to see it, that we did it right in front of you.
Please, don't give it another thought, really.
Please, don't give it another thought, really.
In fact, I'm the one who should apologise to you - for intruding.
In fact, I'm the one who should apologise to you - for intruding.
It's pretty messy, huh? Yeah, I'll say.
It's pretty messy, huh? Yeah, I'll say.
MmmI think we should do something about this.
MmmI think we should do something about this.
I think we should make it a rule that if we're dating someone I think we should make it a rule that if we're dating someone Are youdating her? Are youdating her? No.
Not really.
II don't think so.
No.
Not really.
II don't think so.
But you're seeing her? Well, I guess.
II don't know.
But you're seeing her? Well, I guess.
II don't know.
Well, anyway, I was saying I'm sorry.
Well, anyway, I was saying I'm sorry.
Forgive me.
I interrupted you.
No, no, no.
It's OK.
Forgive me.
I interrupted you.
No, no, no.
It's OK.
I was just saying that if there's anyone I was just saying that if there's anyone either one of us has an interest in, either one of us has an interest in, we should make it a rule we don't bring that person to the house.
we should make it a rule we don't bring that person to the house.
I agree.
Good.
I agree.
Good.
See, we can work these things out.
Thank God.
(Chuckles) See, we can work these things out.
Thank God.
(Chuckles) We're still mature adults with open communication.
We're still mature adults with open communication.
Yes.
Thank God.
Yes.
Thank God.
You can have my ass, but you can't have me.
You can have my ass, but you can't have me.
(Chuckles) Defiant even in defeat.
I like that.
(Chuckles) Defiant even in defeat.
I like that.
Nice place.
Yeah.
Nice place.
Yeah.
So, shall we get this over with? So, shall we get this over with? Allow me to point the way.
Allow me to point the way.
Just go slowand take it easy.
Just go slowand take it easy.
I don't bottom very often.
(Laughs) I don't bottom very often.
(Laughs) Well, you'll have to tell me all about it.
Well, you'll have to tell me all about it.
Well? Is it all you dreamt it would be? Well? Is it all you dreamt it would be? And less.
But we'll make do.
And less.
But we'll make do.
Aren't you going to collect your prize? Aren't you going to collect your prize? (Exhales deeply) It's not much of a victory, (Exhales deeply) It's not much of a victory, considering my years of experience and expertise.
considering my years of experience and expertise.
Your years are numbered.
Your years are numbered.
Eventually I'm going to tear you down and pull you apart.
Eventually I'm going to tear you down and pull you apart.
Put your pants on.
Put your pants on.
Huh? Huh? I said put your pants on.
I said put your pants on.
Get out.
Get out.
Whatever you say.
You're the winner.
Whatever you say.
You're the winner.
So, are you sure you should be here? In a gay guy's room? So, are you sure you should be here? In a gay guy's room? Are you taking pictures? Are you taking pictures? I would never do anything like that.
I know.
I would never do anything like that.
I know.
What's going on? What's going on? DISTANT CHATTER DISTANT CHATTER Oh, the press.
They followed me here.
Oh, the press.
They followed me here.
Didn't you know they would? Didn't you know they would? I'm allowed to have friends, aren't I? Gay or straight.
I'm allowed to have friends, aren't I? Gay or straight.
Since when is that a crime? Hey.
Since when is that a crime? Hey.
You're preaching to the choir, honey.
Tell THEM.
You're preaching to the choir, honey.
Tell THEM.
Maybe I will.
Maybe I will.
I thought you were going to fight it.
I thought you were going to fight it.
Maybe I can't fight it.
Maybe I can't fight it.
What you said about me having feelings for you What you said about me having feelings for you .
.
it's true.
.
.
it's true.
There might be a part of me that There might be a part of me that No, there IS a part of me No, there IS a part of me .
.
that wants to kiss you .
.
that wants to kiss you .
.
to hold you.
.
.
to hold you.
I guess that makes me I guess that makes me You have to say it.
You have to say it.
.
.
gay.
.
.
gay.
Touchdown.
(Chuckles) Touchdown.
(Chuckles) Reverend Fowler, the driving force behind Proposition 14, said today Reverend Fowler, the driving force behind Proposition 14, said today he would do everything in his and Gods power he would do everything in his and Gods power to stop homosexuals from destroying our country.
to stop homosexuals from destroying our country.
Bolstered by a major ad campaign, Bolstered by a major ad campaign, Fowler has mobilised a significant support base in the state.
Fowler has mobilised a significant support base in the state.
(Switches off TV) (Switches off TV) Ben? What is it? Ben? What is it? Come and look at this.
Come and look at this.
Not much of a correspondent, is he? Not much of a correspondent, is he? He said what we needed to hear.
He said what we needed to hear.
And he signed it 'love'.
And he signed it 'love'.
DANCE MUSIC PLAYS DANCE MUSIC PLAYS Look who's back.
Look who's back.
I see.
I thought you had him banned.
I see.
I thought you had him banned.
(Chuckles) I did.
(Chuckles) I did.
I'll have him thrown out.
Don't.
I'll have him thrown out.
Don't.
You can lock the doors and bar the windows, You can lock the doors and bar the windows, buteventually bound to get in.
buteventually bound to get in.
What is? What is?
# # Cue the pulse to begin.
# (Groans softly) (Groans softly) SONG: # Would you like to come inside? # SONG: # Would you like to come inside? # (Moans) (Moans) # Would you like to come in now? # Would you like to come in now? (Men moan) (Men moan) (Men moan) (Men moan) (Sighs) (Sighs) Six down.
Six down.
Very impressive.
Very impressive.
Six as well.
It's a modest effort.
Six as well.
It's a modest effort.
This can be verified? This can be verified? I have signed affidavits.
How about you? I have signed affidavits.
How about you? The same.
The same.
So, it appears we're neck and neck.
So, it appears we're neck and neck.
Dick and dick.
Equal.
Dick and dick.
Equal.
EVEN, Brandon.
But never, never equal.
EVEN, Brandon.
But never, never equal.
Oh, but not for long.
Oh, but not for long.
My number seven just walked in.
My number seven just walked in.
What do you know? So did mine.
What do you know? So did mine.
(Laughs) And my number eight.
(Laughs) And my number eight.
I don't believe there are any stipulations I don't believe there are any stipulations regarding more than one at a time.
regarding more than one at a time.
MICHAEL: A couple more feet.
MICHAEL: A couple more feet.
Just Oh.
Just Oh.
Phew! Phew! That was a schlep.
That was a schlep.
(Sighs) Where's the bathroom? (Sighs) Where's the bathroom? There isn't one.
There isn't one.
I feel like something to drink.
Where's the kitchen? I feel like something to drink.
Where's the kitchen? Sorry.
But I have a sink.
Sorry.
But I have a sink.
(Yawns playfully) (Yawns playfully) And you'll have a bed.
And you'll have a bed.
As soon as we (Laughs) drag the rest of it up As soon as we (Laughs) drag the rest of it up How many is it? 19 flights of stairs? How many is it? 19 flights of stairs? No, it's only 18.
No, it's only 18.
Thanks again for the loan.
Thanks again for the loan.
Yeah, don't worry about returning it.
Yeah, don't worry about returning it.
Are you sure? Are you sure? I doubt we'll be needing it.
I doubt we'll be needing it.
As soon as I decorate As soon as I decorate What do you think of Louis Coutures? Love it.
What do you think of Louis Coutures? Love it.
.
.
I will have you and Ben over for dinner.
.
.
I will have you and Ben over for dinner.
Of course, first you'll need a table.
And chairs.
Of course, first you'll need a table.
And chairs.
Is it worth mentioning a stove? (Chuckles) Is it worth mentioning a stove? (Chuckles) Well, if there's anything else I can do Well, if there's anything else I can do You've already done plenty.
You've already done plenty.
Yeah.
I'm sure Brian would agree with you.
Yeah.
I'm sure Brian would agree with you.
He blames me for infecting you with all sorts of heretical ideas, He blames me for infecting you with all sorts of heretical ideas, like marriage and monogamy and a house and kids.
like marriage and monogamy and a house and kids.
He wants me burned at the stake.
He wants me burned at the stake.
You had nothing to do with it.
You had nothing to do with it.
There are things that I've wanted for a long time There are things that I've wanted for a long time that I could never have if I'd stayed with him.
that I could never have if I'd stayed with him.
I'm just sorry if it ruined your friendship.
I'm just sorry if it ruined your friendship.
Well, he did a fine job of that on his own Well, he did a fine job of that on his own without any assistance from you.
without any assistance from you.
Soready for the box spring? Soready for the box spring? Alright.
(Grunts) Alright.
(Grunts) Hello? Hello?! Hello? Hello?! I know you're there.
I can hear your sinus condition.
I know you're there.
I can hear your sinus condition.
Don't tell me - another one? Don't tell me - another one? Fifth one this week.
Another what? Fifth one this week.
Another what? Ohnothing.
Ohnothing.
Sweetheart, could you put a little more roast beef on there Sweetheart, could you put a little more roast beef on there and maybe another tomato? and maybe another tomato? You know, Carl's a detective.
Maybe you should tell him.
You know, Carl's a detective.
Maybe you should tell him.
Tell me what? Tell me what? Well, it's not like a crime has been committed or anything.
Well, it's not like a crime has been committed or anything.
It's just someone keeps calling and hanging up.
It's just someone keeps calling and hanging up.
Probably just a wrong number.
Or a stalker! Probably just a wrong number.
Or a stalker! Well, he is on TV.
You hear about it all the time.
Well, he is on TV.
You hear about it all the time.
Some crazed lunatic falls madly in love with a celebrity Some crazed lunatic falls madly in love with a celebrity and wants to marry him or slice him up.
and wants to marry him or slice him up.
Stalker? Stalker? Stalker? (Chuckles lightly) Stalker? (Chuckles lightly) A stalker.
Oh, my God.
What should I do? Hire a bodyguard? A stalker.
Oh, my God.
What should I do? Hire a bodyguard? We'll get an alarm system.
We'll get an alarm system.
With one of those panic buttons that connects directly to the police.
With one of those panic buttons that connects directly to the police.
Exactly.
I AM the police.
Exactly.
I AM the police.
You don't need a button.
You don't need a button.
You two are jumping to conclusions.
You two are jumping to conclusions.
If it is a stalker, he's probably harmless.
If it is a stalker, he's probably harmless.
Hell, he's afraid to even talk to you.
Hell, he's afraid to even talk to you.
Just keep an eye out.
You'll be alright.
Just keep an eye out.
You'll be alright.
And that's your best professional advice? And that's your best professional advice? It is.
Yeah? Well, here's mine.
It is.
Yeah? Well, here's mine.
You get yourself one of those pepper sprays so you can blast the bastard.
You get yourself one of those pepper sprays so you can blast the bastard.
Then you take one of those karate classes Then you take one of those karate classes so you can kick him right in the fucking balls.
so you can kick him right in the fucking balls.
Here, honey.
You have a sandwich.
Here, honey.
You have a sandwich.
Here you go.
Thanks.
Here you go.
Thanks.
Check out this listing.
Vases on eBay? Check out this listing.
Vases on eBay? Contributors to Proposition 14 have put their money Contributors to Proposition 14 have put their money where their hateful mouths are.
where their hateful mouths are.
It's hard to believe there are that many people It's hard to believe there are that many people who donate millions of dollars who donate millions of dollars just to prevent us from having the same rights as they do.
just to prevent us from having the same rights as they do.
I need to go to the centre.
I promised I'd volunteer.
I need to go to the centre.
I promised I'd volunteer.
Don't worry.
I'll pick up Gus at day care.
Don't worry.
I'll pick up Gus at day care.
DOORBELL RINGS DOORBELL RINGS Hey.
I've come for my little honey bun.
Hey.
I've come for my little honey bun.
I never thought I'd be taking my kid for a work-out so soon.
I never thought I'd be taking my kid for a work-out so soon.
Well, GymbaROO is not exactly Rip Gym.
I'll go get her.
Well, GymbaROO is not exactly Rip Gym.
I'll go get her.
Perfect blend of cream and honey.
As usual.
Perfect blend of cream and honey.
As usual.
Thank you.
Any time.
Thank you.
Any time.
You know, if I didn't know any better, You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you two are back to normal.
I'd say you two are back to normal.
Hmm.
Not quite.
Hmm.
Not quite.
It sure looks that way.
It sure looks that way.
Mel and I have decided to have an in-house separation.
Mel and I have decided to have an in-house separation.
A what? A what? (Chuckles) It's what our therapist called it.
(Chuckles) It's what our therapist called it.
We both live in the house.
We both live in the house.
Mel keeps the second floor and I'm in the studio and the attic.
Mel keeps the second floor and I'm in the studio and the attic.
We share chores and child care, We share chores and child care, but otherwise, we live totally separate lives.
but otherwise, we live totally separate lives.
II can't imagine Ben and me having that kind of an arrangement.
II can't imagine Ben and me having that kind of an arrangement.
It's not as difficult as it sounds, It's not as difficult as it sounds, once you get the system up and running.
once you get the system up and running.
In fact, I'd say it's working rather well.
In fact, I'd say it's working rather well.
(Coos) Hey.
Here's our little Olympic champion.
(Coos) Hey.
Here's our little Olympic champion.
Yes, you are.
Hello.
Yes, you are.
Hello.
TED: Hey.
How about grabbing some lunch? TED: Hey.
How about grabbing some lunch? There's a new sushi bar that serves blowfish.
There's a new sushi bar that serves blowfish.
It's either the most delicious thing you've ever tasted or you die.
It's either the most delicious thing you've ever tasted or you die.
Wellas tempting as your offer is, I've already ordered in.
Wellas tempting as your offer is, I've already ordered in.
OK, then, uhhow about after work, OK, then, uhhow about after work, we go out, just the two of us, knock back a few mango martinis.
we go out, just the two of us, knock back a few mango martinis.
Of course, just the mango for me.
(Chuckles) Of course, just the mango for me.
(Chuckles) How much? How much? How much what? How much what? How much of a raise are you gunning for? How much of a raise are you gunning for? Is that what you think I'm after? Is that what you think I'm after? Why else would you be threatening me with blowfish and mango martinis? Why else would you be threatening me with blowfish and mango martinis? I just thought, considering you've lost the love of your life I just thought, considering you've lost the love of your life and your best friend and soul mate - the Yin to your Yang, as it were - and your best friend and soul mate - the Yin to your Yang, as it were - you might want someone to share your pain with.
you might want someone to share your pain with.
And you're thinking that someone might be you? And you're thinking that someone might be you? Hey, I'm not the pathetic putz, lowly accountant Hey, I'm not the pathetic putz, lowly accountant whose sole purpose in life is to crunch numbers I once was, you know.
whose sole purpose in life is to crunch numbers I once was, you know.
I've been to hell and back.
I've lost everything, everyone.
I've been to hell and back.
I've lost everything, everyone.
So I think I know what you're going through, So I think I know what you're going through, even though you're concealing it, as always, even though you're concealing it, as always, with the utmost skill and aplomb.
with the utmost skill and aplomb.
Thank you, Theodore.
Thank you, Theodore.
The only pain that I'm suffering right now The only pain that I'm suffering right now is from these new Gucci loafers.
is from these new Gucci loafers.
I knew I should have gotten a size larger.
I knew I should have gotten a size larger.
Come on, Brian.
You can't fool me.
Come on, Brian.
You can't fool me.
You've got to free yourself of this burden.
You've got to free yourself of this burden.
Release it.
Let it all hang out.
Release it.
Let it all hang out.
My mother is a frigid bitch.
My mother is a frigid bitch.
My father was an abusive drunk.
My father was an abusive drunk.
They had a hateful marriage, They had a hateful marriage, which is probably why I am unwilling, or unable, which is probably why I am unwilling, or unable, to form a long-term, committed relationship of my own.
to form a long-term, committed relationship of my own.
The fact that I drink like a fish, abuse drugs The fact that I drink like a fish, abuse drugs and have more or less redefined promiscuity and have more or less redefined promiscuity .
.
doesn't helpmuch.
.
.
doesn't helpmuch.
As a result, I've lost the two people in my life As a result, I've lost the two people in my life that mean the most to me.
that mean the most to me.
Theredon't you feel better? Theredon't you feel better? No.
No.
But I'm sure you do.
But I'm sure you do.
KNOCK AT DOOR KNOCK AT DOOR Number nine.
Number nine.
Now, Ted Now, Ted .
.
if you'll excuse me my lunch has arrived.
.
.
if you'll excuse me my lunch has arrived.
Good afternoon, Mr Demerez.
Hello, Mr Morgan.
Good afternoon, Mr Demerez.
Hello, Mr Morgan.
Mr Logan I'm sorry.
MRS Logan.
My name is Justin.
Mr Logan I'm sorry.
MRS Logan.
My name is Justin.
I'm Corinne.
I'm Corinne.
Melanie.
From the Pennsylvania anti-Prop.
14 initiative.
Melanie.
From the Pennsylvania anti-Prop.
14 initiative.
Are you familiar with the proposed legislation? Are you familiar with the proposed legislation? That's right, sir - the one that keeps gays in their place.
That's right, sir - the one that keeps gays in their place.
A campaign of hate led by Reverend Fowler A campaign of hate led by Reverend Fowler and his Family America Coalition.
and his Family America Coalition.
They want the legislature to rewrite the state constitution They want the legislature to rewrite the state constitution limiting the rights of gays and lesbians.
limiting the rights of gays and lesbians.
No, sir, I'm not a cocksucker - I'm a lesbian! No, sir, I'm not a cocksucker - I'm a lesbian! It's not just about gay people.
It's not just about gay people.
It's about every American having the same rights.
It's about every American having the same rights.
Can we count on you for a donation? Can we count on you for a donation? I'll be sure to remember that, as they STUFF ME into the ovens! I'll be sure to remember that, as they STUFF ME into the ovens! (Chuckles) We'll send you a lawn sign.
(Chuckles) We'll send you a lawn sign.
I'll put a brochure in the mail.
Thanks for your time.
I'll put a brochure in the mail.
Thanks for your time.
It's been a pleasure talking to you.
It's been a pleasure talking to you.
Who did they get these lists from? The Nazi Party? Who did they get these lists from? The Nazi Party? Been going over their list of supporters, Been going over their list of supporters, figuring out which businesses to target.
figuring out which businesses to target.
I say boycott the whole fucking bunch of them.
I say boycott the whole fucking bunch of them.
I second the motion.
Holy shit.
I second the motion.
Holy shit.
Would you look at the names on here? Would you look at the names on here? Some of these are major corporations.
Some of these are major corporations.
They must be raising millions.
They must be raising millions.
The hate sells.
What else is new? The hate sells.
What else is new? Jesus Christ.
Don't tell me - he's on there too? Jesus Christ.
Don't tell me - he's on there too? Worse - my dad.
Worse - my dad.
DOG BARKS DOG BARKS ALARM WAILS ALARM WAILS LOUD METALLIC BANG LOUD METALLIC BANG (Sighs) (Sighs) Em, don't be such a scaredy-queen.
Em, don't be such a scaredy-queen.
No-one is stalking you.
No-one is stalking you.
Why would anybody stalk YOU? (Chuckles) Why would anybody stalk YOU? (Chuckles) Just because you're on the Channel Five news Just because you're on the Channel Five news and everyone adores the queer guy, and everyone adores the queer guy, and, of course, there is the undeniable fact and, of course, there is the undeniable fact that you do have an awesome ass that you do have an awesome ass (Screams) Oh, please! Please, you can have anything you want! (Screams) Oh, please! Please, you can have anything you want! Take my bag! I-I'll give you an autographed picture! Take my bag! I-I'll give you an autographed picture! Emmett! Emmett! Oh, my God.
(Pants) Drew! Oh, my God.
(Pants) Drew! What's up? What's up? Every time I'd get up the nerve to phone you, Every time I'd get up the nerve to phone you, I'd hang up, afraid somebody might be tapping my line.
I'd hang up, afraid somebody might be tapping my line.
YOU'RE the breather? YOU'RE the breather? (Chuckles) You should really do something about those sinuses.
(Chuckles) You should really do something about those sinuses.
(Chuckles) I know - it's my allergies.
(Chuckles) I know - it's my allergies.
So, other than the rockweed, how have you been? So, other than the rockweed, how have you been? Not so good.
Not so good.
You played in the championship.
You played in the championship.
I was at Woodys andit just happened to be on, I was at Woodys andit just happened to be on, and I just happened to catch your winning touchdown.
and I just happened to catch your winning touchdown.
(Chuckles) (Chuckles) And I just happened to read about your wedding to Sierra.
And I just happened to read about your wedding to Sierra.
Congratulations.
Thanks.
Congratulations.
Thanks.
We're getting a divorce.
We're getting a divorce.
That's why I was trying to call you.
That's why I was trying to call you.
I need someone I can talk to, Emmett.
I need someone I can talk to, Emmett.
Really talk to.
Really talk to.
You see, there was this guya fan.
You see, there was this guya fan.
(Sighs) (Sighs) I don't know how it happened, but, uh I don't know how it happened, but, uh You fucked him? You fucked him? Then he threatened to sell these to the tabloids Then he threatened to sell these to the tabloids if I wouldn't pay him off.
if I wouldn't pay him off.
Wow.
(Chuckles) Wow.
(Chuckles) You, uhwouldn't happen to have another set, would you? You, uhwouldn't happen to have another set, would you? The sonofabitch had a hidden camera.
The sonofabitch had a hidden camera.
He said he wanted 100 grand so I paid him.
He said he wanted 100 grand so I paid him.
Now he's come back, says he wants more.
Now he's come back, says he wants more.
When I told Sierra, she left.
When I told Sierra, she left.
I'm sorry, Drew.
I really am.
I'm sorry, Drew.
I really am.
Butwhat can I do? Butwhat can I do? I need advicefrom someone I can really trust.
I need advicefrom someone I can really trust.
I told you the last time what you should do.
I told you the last time what you should do.
And I told you You're not gay.
And I told you You're not gay.
Right.
(Scoffs) Right.
(Scoffs) You knowif it had just been about the sex, You knowif it had just been about the sex, I might have believed you, I might have believed you, that it was just, you know, messing around.
that it was just, you know, messing around.
But I know But I know .
.
when you kissed me andand hugged me, .
.
when you kissed me andand hugged me, when we fell asleep together when we fell asleep together .
.
it was more than just sportfucking.
.
.
it was more than just sportfucking.
And you know it too.
And you know it too.
Look, if you can't be honest with me, that's fine.
Look, if you can't be honest with me, that's fine.
It doesnt matter.
It doesnt matter.
But at least be honest with yourself.
But at least be honest with yourself.
(Sighs) (Sighs) MAN: Yeah, see you.
MAN: 'Bye.
MAN: Yeah, see you.
MAN: 'Bye.
I'm not a naive person, I'm not a naive person, but talking to some of these people tonight, I nearly lost it.
but talking to some of these people tonight, I nearly lost it.
I wanted to say, "How can you be such a bigoted, ignorant asshole I wanted to say, "How can you be such a bigoted, ignorant asshole "and still call yourself an American?" "and still call yourself an American?" And what DID President Bush say? And what DID President Bush say? (Chuckles) (Chuckles) Sorry if I got a little carried away.
Sorry if I got a little carried away.
No, don't be sorry.
Passion's a good thing.
No, don't be sorry.
Passion's a good thing.
Nothing worthwhile ever got accomplished without it.
Nothing worthwhile ever got accomplished without it.
I couldn't agree more.
I couldn't agree more.
See you tomorrow.
Five to eight.
See you tomorrow.
Five to eight.
Maybe we could get some dinner after? Maybe we could get some dinner after? Sure.
We could stop by the diner.
Sure.
We could stop by the diner.
Imeant some place nice.
Imeant some place nice.
Just thetwo of us.
Just thetwo of us.
Oh.
THAT k-kind of dinner.
Oh.
THAT k-kind of dinner.
I've been wanting to ask you all week.
I've been wanting to ask you all week.
Finally worked up the courage.
Finally worked up the courage.
I'm very flattered, but I've been kind of busy these days, I'm very flattered, but I've been kind of busy these days, what with the campaign, the baby and starting back to work.
what with the campaign, the baby and starting back to work.
It just doesn't leave me a lot of free time.
It just doesn't leave me a lot of free time.
Still, a girl's gotta eat.
Still, a girl's gotta eat.
(Chuckles) (Chuckles) You're very persuasive.
You're very persuasive.
Uh, hey, I haven't been on the phone all week for nothing.
Uh, hey, I haven't been on the phone all week for nothing.
Ben? Ben? Ben? Ben? BEN: I'm in here.
BEN: I'm in here.
You're smoking in the house without even a window open? You're smoking in the house without even a window open? Where's his bed? Where's his bed? I gave it to Justin for his new place.
I gave it to Justin for his new place.
You gave it to Justin? He needed it.
You gave it to Justin? He needed it.
And Hunter doesnt? And Hunter doesnt? Hunter's not here.
He will be.
Hunter's not here.
He will be.
In that case, we'll buy another bed.
In that case, we'll buy another bed.
Where are you going? To sell his clothes? Where are you going? To sell his clothes? Cut his face out of all the photos? That's unfair! Cut his face out of all the photos? That's unfair! I wish he were here too, but he's not! He's gone.
I wish he were here too, but he's not! He's gone.
Well, unlike you, I still have a little faith.
Well, unlike you, I still have a little faith.
Faith, denial - everyone makes their own choices.
Faith, denial - everyone makes their own choices.
Mine is to let him go and get on with my life.
Mine is to let him go and get on with my life.
You choose whatever you want.
You choose whatever you want.
I fucked my ninth in the sauna.
I fucked my ninth in the sauna.
Twice.
Twice.
Witnesses? Witnesses? Three.
Three.
And you? And you? Knocked off seven and eight.
Knocked off seven and eight.
Very good.
Very good.
But, alas, not good enough.
But, alas, not good enough.
I've only got one to go.
I've only got one to go.
Alex Easley.
Alex Easley.
And he certainly lives up to his last name.
And he certainly lives up to his last name.
The guy's got a shrine to me in his bedroom.
The guy's got a shrine to me in his bedroom.
I saw it when I fucked him.
I saw it when I fucked him.
However, the task won't be as 'Easley' accomplished as you think.
However, the task won't be as 'Easley' accomplished as you think.
He leaves for Puerto Vallarta tomorrow for a 2-week holiday.
He leaves for Puerto Vallarta tomorrow for a 2-week holiday.
So, unless you've got a very long dick, So, unless you've got a very long dick, by the time he gets back, I'll not only have evened the score by the time he gets back, I'll not only have evened the score .
.
I'll have won.
.
.
I'll have won.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Ah.
And there's my number nine now.
Ah.
And there's my number nine now.
JUSTIN: Do you realise if this thing passes, it'll take away my rights? JUSTIN: Do you realise if this thing passes, it'll take away my rights? As well as the rights of every other gay man and woman in this state? As well as the rights of every other gay man and woman in this state? I believe that's the point.
I believe that's the point.
And you don't care that I'll never be able to marry or adopt a child And you don't care that I'll never be able to marry or adopt a child or receive domestic partnership insurance? or receive domestic partnership insurance? It's not just me.
It's not just me.
The vast majority of Americans agree The vast majority of Americans agree that you and the others like you are a disgrace.
that you and the others like you are a disgrace.
You're an abomination in the Lord's eyes.
You're an abomination in the Lord's eyes.
But it's your choice.
It's not a choice.
But it's your choice.
It's not a choice.
Well, don't expect to be rewarded.
We're not asking to be rewarded.
Well, don't expect to be rewarded.
We're not asking to be rewarded.
We're asking for what's rightfully ours.
We're asking for what's rightfully ours.
The right to pervert the sanctity of marriage? The right to pervert the sanctity of marriage? To make a mockery of family values? To make a mockery of family values? A helluva lot you know about marriage or family values.
A helluva lot you know about marriage or family values.
You fucked around on Mom.
Watch your language! You fucked around on Mom.
Watch your language! Oh, forgive me, saying 'fuck' is far worse than what you did, Oh, forgive me, saying 'fuck' is far worse than what you did, you lying hypocrite! you lying hypocrite! For your information, Justin, I didn't break up our home life For your information, Justin, I didn't break up our home life or destroy your mother's and my marriage - you did.
or destroy your mother's and my marriage - you did.
(Laughs) And you can laugh at that too.
(Laughs) And you can laugh at that too.
But before you announced to us and the world But before you announced to us and the world that you were queer and proud of it, that you were queer and proud of it, we had a family and were doing pretty good.
we had a family and were doing pretty good.
So if you're looking for someone to blame, don't look at me.
So if you're looking for someone to blame, don't look at me.
Oh, God, I'd love a jumbo Kielbasa.
(Chuckles) Who wouldnt? Oh, God, I'd love a jumbo Kielbasa.
(Chuckles) Who wouldnt? But remember what the doctor said - But remember what the doctor said - lipo is not a licence to indulge.
lipo is not a licence to indulge.
The unwanted fat will just come back somewhere else.
The unwanted fat will just come back somewhere else.
Yeah, just my luck I'd grow a second ass.
Yeah, just my luck I'd grow a second ass.
Or two 50-pound earlobes.
Or two 50-pound earlobes.
Hmm? Hey.
Hmm? Hey.
Fortunately, that won't happen, because I have you to save me.
Fortunately, that won't happen, because I have you to save me.
What would I do without my pillar of strength? What would I do without my pillar of strength? I'm not as strong as you think.
I'm not as strong as you think.
There I was, sitting beside Drew.
There I was, sitting beside Drew.
God, I wanted him so bad, even after I swore I'd never see him again.
God, I wanted him so bad, even after I swore I'd never see him again.
Maybe you were just feeling sorry for him, poor guy.
Maybe you were just feeling sorry for him, poor guy.
I told him how he can put a stop to the whole thing.
I told him how he can put a stop to the whole thing.
All he has to do is come out.
Oh, that's all?! All he has to do is come out.
Oh, that's all?! (Chuckles) You make it sound so easy.
(Chuckles) You make it sound so easy.
It was for ME.
It was for ME.
It was obvious to everyone from the moment I popped out of my momma It was obvious to everyone from the moment I popped out of my momma that I was the new queen of Hazlehurst.
that I was the new queen of Hazlehurst.
They almost named me Elizabeth.
(Chuckles) They almost named me Elizabeth.
(Chuckles) You were lucky.
That they named me Emmett? You were lucky.
That they named me Emmett? That it was obvious.
That it was obvious.
That you never had to go through the hell of hiding it.
That you never had to go through the hell of hiding it.
The fear of being found out.
The fear of being found out.
Back in college, I was a ZAP.
Back in college, I was a ZAP.
Zeta Alpha Pi.
(Chuckles) Zeta Alpha Pi.
(Chuckles) I couldn't believe when I was accepted.
I couldn't believe when I was accepted.
It was one of the hardest houses to pledge, and they wanted me? It was one of the hardest houses to pledge, and they wanted me? Anywayevery Saturday night, Anywayevery Saturday night, I'd go out drinking and trawling for women with my frat buddy, Jack.
I'd go out drinking and trawling for women with my frat buddy, Jack.
Ooh! Ooh.
Ooh! Ooh.
(Inhales sharply) One night, we came back, totally smashed.
(Inhales sharply) One night, we came back, totally smashed.
And in my inebriated state, I confessed to him And in my inebriated state, I confessed to him that I kind of, sort of, totally had this mad, passionate crush on him.
that I kind of, sort of, totally had this mad, passionate crush on him.
And he said, "Me too!" And you fell into each other's arms.
And he said, "Me too!" And you fell into each other's arms.
He punched me on the nose He punched me on the nose and told everybody in the house I was a fag.
and told everybody in the house I was a fag.
After that, I was ceremoniously unZAPed.
After that, I was ceremoniously unZAPed.
I never knew, Teddy.
I never knew, Teddy.
I mean, it was hard enough for me, a mere mortal, to come out.
I mean, it was hard enough for me, a mere mortal, to come out.
For a deity like Drew For a deity like Drew What would you like to drink? Scotch, please.
What would you like to drink? Scotch, please.
And for you, sir? Johnnie Walker.
And for you, sir? Johnnie Walker.
And, uhsome extra nuts.
And, uhsome extra nuts.
WhyAlex? WhyAlex? (Both grunt, pant) (Both grunt, pant) I win.
I win.
And it's three hours earlier.
And it's three hours earlier.
Ma, I asked for plain paper.
Ma, I asked for plain paper.
Well, if you want to be boring, that's your problem, Well, if you want to be boring, that's your problem, but don't inflict it on your poor kitchen.
but don't inflict it on your poor kitchen.
This way, every time you open a drawer, you get a surprise.
This way, every time you open a drawer, you get a surprise.
Or a heart attack.
Or a heart attack.
What's this? What's this? Secret stash of Cap'n Crunch.
Secret stash of Cap'n Crunch.
"Keep your fucking hands off.
Hunter.
" "Keep your fucking hands off.
Hunter.
" Sounds like a Novotny.
Sounds like a Novotny.
Heard from him lately? Heard from him lately? Not a fucking word.
Not a fucking word.
Can you believe that? That ungrateful little prick.
Can you believe that? That ungrateful little prick.
After all we did for him, to just walk away like that.
After all we did for him, to just walk away like that.
Who else would've taken him in, made him part of the family? Who else would've taken him in, made him part of the family? Not that I care.
Uh-huh.
Not that I care.
Uh-huh.
He just really done a number on Ben.
He just really done a number on Ben.
We're fighting about everything.
We're fighting about everything.
Are you two having sex? Ma! Are you two having sex? Ma! Shit! Shit! I just asked you the question.
Don't wreck the house.
I just asked you the question.
Don't wreck the house.
It's already wrecked.
It's already wrecked.
And no, we're not having sex.
And no, we're not having sex.
That's understandable.
You're grieving - both of you.
That's understandable.
You're grieving - both of you.
Darling.
Darling.
It's a tough lesson, It's a tough lesson, but one that everybody with children has to learn.
but one that everybody with children has to learn.
After a point, you have no control over them.
After a point, you have no control over them.
All you can do is hope All you can do is hope that you instilled enough strength and common sense for him to survive.
that you instilled enough strength and common sense for him to survive.
And that he knows you're still here for him And that he knows you're still here for him in case some day he changes his mind in case some day he changes his mind He wont.
He wont.
You and Ben should both get that out of your heads.
You and Ben should both get that out of your heads.
Hey, Hunter! Hey, Hunter! Hunter! Hunter! Never mind.
Don't look so disappointed.
Never mind.
Don't look so disappointed.
I can be Hunter if you like.
I can be Hunter if you like.
Thanks, it's not what I'm looking for.
Thanks, it's not what I'm looking for.
Then why are you here? Hey! Then why are you here? Hey! Whatever he did for you, I can do it better.
Whatever he did for you, I can do it better.
I know Hunter.
I know Hunter.
You do? You do? Where is he? (Chuckles) Where is he? (Chuckles) Oh, uh Oh, uh He left town.
Where did he go? He left town.
Where did he go? "Some place warm," is all he said.
"Some place warm," is all he said.
He said he hated it here, that he's never coming back.
He said he hated it here, that he's never coming back.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Hey.
As long as you paid, want me to cheer you up? Hey.
As long as you paid, want me to cheer you up? WOMEN LAUGH WOMEN LAUGH MELANIE: I've lived here all my life, I never knew that restaurant existed.
MELANIE: I've lived here all my life, I never knew that restaurant existed.
CORINNE: Isn't it fabulous? Oh, those stuffed grape leaves! CORINNE: Isn't it fabulous? Oh, those stuffed grape leaves! And that lamb.
That's Lindsay's favourite.
And that lamb.
That's Lindsay's favourite.
She marinates it in olive oil and mint She marinates it in olive oil and mint and then grills it with someum and then grills it with someum (Both chuckle) (Both chuckle) I've always wanted to go to Greece - Athens, Mykonos.
I've always wanted to go to Greece - Athens, Mykonos.
Not to mention Lesbos.
Not to mention Lesbos.
Imagine - a whole island where every man, woman and child is a lesbian.
Imagine - a whole island where every man, woman and child is a lesbian.
(Both laugh) (Both laugh) I must have onion breath from the Greek salad.
I must have onion breath from the Greek salad.
Then I must too.
We'll cancel each other out.
Then I must too.
We'll cancel each other out.
It's not just the onions.
I know.
It's not just the onions.
I know.
It'sit's been so long since I It'sit's been so long since I No need to explain.
Some other time.
No need to explain.
Some other time.
DOOR OPENS LINDSAY: Oh! DOOR OPENS LINDSAY: Oh! I'msorry.
I'msorry.
The trash comestomorrow.
The trash comestomorrow.
Linz, this is Corinne.
Linz, this is Corinne.
Hey.
Hi.
Hey.
Hi.
Wevolunteer Wevolunteer at the centre together.
at the centre together.
I just remembered - I forgot the trash from upstairs.
I just remembered - I forgot the trash from upstairs.
So I'll justgo up and collect it.
So I'll justgo up and collect it.
The trash from upstairs.
The trash from upstairs.
(Closes door) (Closes door) (Sighs softly) (Coughs softly) (Sighs softly) (Coughs softly) Peach a la mode.
Peach a la mode.
Oh.
No, thanks.
Oh.
No, thanks.
Hmm.
Shame to let it melt.
Hmm.
Shame to let it melt.
So, are you still getting calls from the breather? So, are you still getting calls from the breather? I've a feeling those have stopped for good.
I've a feeling those have stopped for good.
That's a relief.
That's a relief.
Actually, I kind of miss him.
Actually, I kind of miss him.
(Croakily) Juice, coffee, three egg whites - scrambled.
(Croakily) Juice, coffee, three egg whites - scrambled.
It's a little late for breakfast.
Not if you've been up all night.
It's a little late for breakfast.
Not if you've been up all night.
You know, a man your age should take better care of himself.
You know, a man your age should take better care of himself.
You could die of a stroke.
You could die of a stroke.
I'm counting on you to get to me first.
I'm counting on you to get to me first.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
So, where were you? Toolshed? Slammer? (Lisps) The Pith Hole? So, where were you? Toolshed? Slammer? (Lisps) The Pith Hole? Puerto Vallarta.
Puerto Vallarta.
Mmm.
Must be a new one.
Where is it? Mmm.
Must be a new one.
Where is it? Mexico.
Mexico.
You went to And back in less than 24 hours.
You went to And back in less than 24 hours.
Well, that was a quickie.
In more ways than one.
Well, that was a quickie.
In more ways than one.
I had a pressing piece of business to attend to.
I had a pressing piece of business to attend to.
And did you take care of it? And did you take care of it? Once at cruising altitude and once while we were making our approach.
Once at cruising altitude and once while we were making our approach.
(Laughs) (Laughs) Coffee, juice.
Coffee, juice.
Eggs will be ready as soon as the hens finish laying 'em.
Eggs will be ready as soon as the hens finish laying 'em.
You think he's a top? You think he's a top? Some of those hunks, when you get them in bed, Some of those hunks, when you get them in bed, turn out to be the biggest bottoms! turn out to be the biggest bottoms! I'd do him either way.
I'd do him either way.
And who might that be? And who might that be? The queen who just got outed.
The queen who just got outed.
Excuse me, sir, you might want to read this Excuse me, sir, you might want to read this before you shop at Taylor Electronics.
before you shop at Taylor Electronics.
Do you know that the owner of this store is a hate-mongering bigot Do you know that the owner of this store is a hate-mongering bigot who wants to deny honest citizens their rights? who wants to deny honest citizens their rights? Don't support businesses that don't support all Americans.
Don't support businesses that don't support all Americans.
Excuse me, folks, but you're trespassing on private property.
Excuse me, folks, but you're trespassing on private property.
They want to deny us a few more liberties? They want to deny us a few more liberties? Ma'am, if you don't leave, we'll be forced to make you leave.
Ma'am, if you don't leave, we'll be forced to make you leave.
Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? Well, my husband - except I'm not married Well, my husband - except I'm not married because my gay son here can't get married - because my gay son here can't get married - happens to be Detective Carl Horvath.
happens to be Detective Carl Horvath.
Ever heard of him? Yes, ma'am.
Ever heard of him? Yes, ma'am.
I've heard of you too.
I've heard of you too.
It's no problem, Officer.
Come on, Mom.
It's no problem, Officer.
Come on, Mom.
Let's move across the street.
Let's move across the street.
We can still make our point without getting into trouble.
We can still make our point without getting into trouble.
Well, we'll just yell twice as loud.
Well, we'll just yell twice as loud.
PROTESTERS: Yeah! PROTESTERS: Yeah! You too, son.
You too, son.
I'm not your son.
I'm his.
I'm not your son.
I'm his.
And I'm not going anywhere.
And I'm not going anywhere.
Whatever issues you have with your father, Whatever issues you have with your father, you should settle them off the street.
you should settle them off the street.
I already tried that.
I already tried that.
I'm standing in front of your door, Dad, in front of your face.
I'm standing in front of your door, Dad, in front of your face.
You can call in your troops, but I'm not going to disappear.
You can call in your troops, but I'm not going to disappear.
So, what are you going to do? Hmm?! So, what are you going to do? Hmm?! Come on, Dad, why don't you show us your great family values Come on, Dad, why don't you show us your great family values and have them arrest your son? and have them arrest your son? Sir? Sir? Go on.
Go on.
Are you sure you want to do that, sir? Are you sure you want to do that, sir? I told you to get him out of here.
I told you to get him out of here.
(Sighs) You're hereby arrested (Sighs) You're hereby arrested for unlawfully trespassing on private property.
for unlawfully trespassing on private property.
Anything you say may and will be used against you in a court of law.
Anything you say may and will be used against you in a court of law.
You have the right to an attorney.
You have the right to an attorney.
(Protesters chant, yell) (Protesters chant, yell) Meet my number 10.
Meet my number 10.
I already have.
He was my numberfive, I believe.
I already have.
He was my numberfive, I believe.
Anyway, you needn't bother.
I already won.
Anyway, you needn't bother.
I already won.
(Scoffs) Well, that's impossible.
(Scoffs) Well, that's impossible.
The guy's in Puerto Vallarta.
The guy's in Puerto Vallarta.
We both had a lovely flight.
We both had a lovely flight.
Although there was a little turbulence in the toilet.
Although there was a little turbulence in the toilet.
Game, set and match, sport.
Game, set and match, sport.
The winner, and still champion, is yours truly.
The winner, and still champion, is yours truly.
So, I guess you'll be wanting to collect your trophy? So, I guess you'll be wanting to collect your trophy? You bet your ass.
You bet your ass.
So you better polish it up.
So you better polish it up.
DREW: He said he'd go to the press.
DREW: He said he'd go to the press.
That if I didn't pay him, the tabloids would.
That if I didn't pay him, the tabloids would.
So I told him to go fuck himself.
I wasn't going to give another cent.
So I told him to go fuck himself.
I wasn't going to give another cent.
Now the damn paparazzi are surrounding my house.
Now the damn paparazzi are surrounding my house.
I can't even go home.
I can't even go home.
I feel like a fugitive.
Acriminal.
I feel like a fugitive.
Acriminal.
Yeah, that's why I called - to let you know you have a friend.
Yeah, that's why I called - to let you know you have a friend.
I've already called my lawyers.
I've already called my lawyers.
I'm going to file a lawsuit - sue him for $30 million.
I'm going to file a lawsuit - sue him for $30 million.
What about the photographs? They're real.
What about the photographs? They're real.
I'll deny it.
I'll deny it.
I'll say they were Photoshopped, the work of a blackmailer.
I'll say they were Photoshopped, the work of a blackmailer.
If they think they can mess with me, they've got another thing coming.
If they think they can mess with me, they've got another thing coming.
This time they fucked with the wrong guy! This time they fucked with the wrong guy! What about the next time? What about the next time? There isn't going to be a next time.
There isn't going to be a next time.
Ohyou're planning on giving up sex? Ohyou're planning on giving up sex? Who said that? There are plenty of women.
Who said that? There are plenty of women.
Maybe so, but when's the last time you had sex with a woman Maybe so, but when's the last time you had sex with a woman that you didn't think about a man? that you didn't think about a man? It's who you are, baby.
It's who you are, baby.
You can't fight it.
You can't fight it.
Sooner or later, there are going to be other guys.
Sooner or later, there are going to be other guys.
And each time there are, you'll be scared shitless, And each time there are, you'll be scared shitless, wondering, "Did he recognise me? Is he going to blackmail me? wondering, "Did he recognise me? Is he going to blackmail me? "Is he going to the tabloids?" "Is he going to the tabloids?" I mean, is that how you want to spend the rest of your life? I mean, is that how you want to spend the rest of your life? Thanks for bailing me out.
Thanks for bailing me out.
When I taught you to say please and thank you, When I taught you to say please and thank you, I never quite expected to hear it used that way.
I never quite expected to hear it used that way.
You too, Ben.
Any time.
You too, Ben.
Any time.
Actually, I take that back.
Let's hope it's the last time.
Actually, I take that back.
Let's hope it's the last time.
You can damn well be sure of that.
You can damn well be sure of that.
I'm going to have a few words with your father, I'm going to have a few words with your father, starting with, "You sick sonofabitch!" starting with, "You sick sonofabitch!" I wouldn't waste your breath.
He's not worth it.
I wouldn't waste your breath.
He's not worth it.
I can't believe a father would actually have his own son arrested.
I can't believe a father would actually have his own son arrested.
I don't believe you've ever had the displeasure I don't believe you've ever had the displeasure of meeting my ex-husband.
of meeting my ex-husband.
I used to think, in time, he would come around, I used to think, in time, he would come around, but now I think that he would rather see me dead than gay.
but now I think that he would rather see me dead than gay.
Your dad doesn't know how lucky he is to have a son.
Your dad doesn't know how lucky he is to have a son.
I'm going to go and get the car.
Yeah.
Thanks, Ben.
I'm going to go and get the car.
Yeah.
Thanks, Ben.
I just want you to know that even though your father I just want you to know that even though your father may no longer consider you his son, may no longer consider you his son, you will always be mine.
you will always be mine.
Thanks.
I'm just sorry I fucked things up.
Thanks.
I'm just sorry I fucked things up.
Fucked what up? Fucked what up? Dad says it's on account of me that Dad says it's on account of me that .
.
that I'm the one that destroyed your marriage.
.
.
that I'm the one that destroyed your marriage.
Honey, you don't really believe that? Honey, you don't really believe that? Hmm Hmm Well, it's not true.
Well, it's not true.
We were having problems long before you told us you're gay.
We were having problems long before you told us you're gay.
So, if he wants to lie to himself and blame you, let him.
So, if he wants to lie to himself and blame you, let him.
Don't you dare blame yourself.
Don't you dare blame yourself.
Hmm? OK.
Hmm? OK.
It was so awful seeing Mel kissing that woman, It was so awful seeing Mel kissing that woman, while I just stood there holding the garbage.
while I just stood there holding the garbage.
Mmm.
I think it's shocking.
Isn't it? Mmm.
I think it's shocking.
Isn't it? I mean that someone would want to kiss Mel.
I mean that someone would want to kiss Mel.
Ow! Fuck! Ow! Fuck! You deserved that.
You deserved that.
You want me to rub the boo-boo and make it better? You want me to rub the boo-boo and make it better? You leave my boo-boo alone.
(Sighs) You leave my boo-boo alone.
(Sighs) Christ! You can barely turn around in here.
Christ! You can barely turn around in here.
Where else am I supposed to go? Where else am I supposed to go? Sleep in the kitchen or on the front porch? Sleep in the kitchen or on the front porch? This whole in-house separation is for shit.
This whole in-house separation is for shit.
We need to do it - for financial reasons.
We need to do it - for financial reasons.
At the expense of your emotional reason? At the expense of your emotional reason? What's next? You come in on them fucking? What's next? You come in on them fucking? Don't say that! Can't face it? Don't say that! Can't face it? No, I can't face it.
No, I can't face it.
I guess, when I moved back into this house, I I guess, when I moved back into this house, I .
.
thought, despite what I knew, despite the rules, that .
.
thought, despite what I knew, despite the rules, that .
.
somehow Mel and I would .
.
somehow Mel and I would Get back together.
Get back together.
(Scoffs) You dykes just can't let go, can you? (Scoffs) You dykes just can't let go, can you? You just can't get it through your lesbianic brains You just can't get it through your lesbianic brains that you have to stop clinging to your past and move on.
that you have to stop clinging to your past and move on.
"Move on"? "Move on"? That's a good one, coming from you.
That's a good one, coming from you.
Carrying on like an oversexed adolescent, Carrying on like an oversexed adolescent, that 'fuck-off' of yours.
that 'fuck-off' of yours.
Yes, I know all about it.
Everyone knows all about it.
Yes, I know all about it.
Everyone knows all about it.
A childish competition between you and this year's young, hot stud.
A childish competition between you and this year's young, hot stud.
Not only is it ludicrous, it's humiliating.
Not only is it ludicrous, it's humiliating.
Well, I hope you win Well, I hope you win .
.
even though you've already lost something far more valuable.
.
.
even though you've already lost something far more valuable.
So don't you tell me about clinging onto my past So don't you tell me about clinging onto my past until you're willing to let go of yours.
until you're willing to let go of yours.
MAN ON TV: Stop right there! (Woman gasps) MAN ON TV: Stop right there! (Woman gasps) I'm a police officer.
Detective Elaine Bender.
Metro.
I'm a police officer.
Detective Elaine Bender.
Metro.
Hey! HEY! Hey! HEY! (Chuckles) You know, I solve crimes for a living, (Chuckles) You know, I solve crimes for a living, and I can tell you it doesn't happen in 60 minutes and I can tell you it doesn't happen in 60 minutes with the help of a partner who looks like a runway model.
with the help of a partner who looks like a runway model.
That's why there's no 'CSI Pittsburgh'.
That's why there's no 'CSI Pittsburgh'.
(Chuckles) DOORBELL RINGS (Chuckles) DOORBELL RINGS Sweetheart, would you get that? Sweetheart, would you get that? The runway model is about to nail the killer.
The runway model is about to nail the killer.
Oh, my God.
Drew Boyd.
Oh, my God.
Drew Boyd.
We met you last year at the game.
I remember.
We met you last year at the game.
I remember.
You were with this loud woman with red hair.
You were with this loud woman with red hair.
That would be me! That would be me! Uh, isis Emmett here? Uh, isis Emmett here? Honey, is Emmett here? Honey, is Emmett here? (Shouts) Emmett! (Shouts) Emmett! Come in, please.
Thank you.
Come in, please.
Thank you.
Look, I just want you to know - Look, I just want you to know - I don't care what you do in bed or who you do it with.
I don't care what you do in bed or who you do it with.
You're still one helluva ball player.
You're still one helluva ball player.
You have no idea how sorry I am you had to say that You have no idea how sorry I am you had to say that .
.
but how glad I am you did.
.
.
but how glad I am you did.
Deb? Did you call? Deb? Did you call? Want some? No, thanks.
Want some? No, thanks.
Are you sure? There's enough for two.
Are you sure? There's enough for two.
We each make our own dinner.
Isn't that what we agreed on? We each make our own dinner.
Isn't that what we agreed on? Linz, I am so sorry for that kiss with Corinne - Linz, I am so sorry for that kiss with Corinne - that you had to see it, that we did it right in front of you.
that you had to see it, that we did it right in front of you.
Please, don't give it another thought, really.
Please, don't give it another thought, really.
In fact, I'm the one who should apologise to you - for intruding.
In fact, I'm the one who should apologise to you - for intruding.
It's pretty messy, huh? Yeah, I'll say.
It's pretty messy, huh? Yeah, I'll say.
MmmI think we should do something about this.
MmmI think we should do something about this.
I think we should make it a rule that if we're dating someone I think we should make it a rule that if we're dating someone Are youdating her? Are youdating her? No.
Not really.
II don't think so.
No.
Not really.
II don't think so.
But you're seeing her? Well, I guess.
II don't know.
But you're seeing her? Well, I guess.
II don't know.
Well, anyway, I was saying I'm sorry.
Well, anyway, I was saying I'm sorry.
Forgive me.
I interrupted you.
No, no, no.
It's OK.
Forgive me.
I interrupted you.
No, no, no.
It's OK.
I was just saying that if there's anyone I was just saying that if there's anyone either one of us has an interest in, either one of us has an interest in, we should make it a rule we don't bring that person to the house.
we should make it a rule we don't bring that person to the house.
I agree.
Good.
I agree.
Good.
See, we can work these things out.
Thank God.
(Chuckles) See, we can work these things out.
Thank God.
(Chuckles) We're still mature adults with open communication.
We're still mature adults with open communication.
Yes.
Thank God.
Yes.
Thank God.
You can have my ass, but you can't have me.
You can have my ass, but you can't have me.
(Chuckles) Defiant even in defeat.
I like that.
(Chuckles) Defiant even in defeat.
I like that.
Nice place.
Yeah.
Nice place.
Yeah.
So, shall we get this over with? So, shall we get this over with? Allow me to point the way.
Allow me to point the way.
Just go slowand take it easy.
Just go slowand take it easy.
I don't bottom very often.
(Laughs) I don't bottom very often.
(Laughs) Well, you'll have to tell me all about it.
Well, you'll have to tell me all about it.
Well? Is it all you dreamt it would be? Well? Is it all you dreamt it would be? And less.
But we'll make do.
And less.
But we'll make do.
Aren't you going to collect your prize? Aren't you going to collect your prize? (Exhales deeply) It's not much of a victory, (Exhales deeply) It's not much of a victory, considering my years of experience and expertise.
considering my years of experience and expertise.
Your years are numbered.
Your years are numbered.
Eventually I'm going to tear you down and pull you apart.
Eventually I'm going to tear you down and pull you apart.
Put your pants on.
Put your pants on.
Huh? Huh? I said put your pants on.
I said put your pants on.
Get out.
Get out.
Whatever you say.
You're the winner.
Whatever you say.
You're the winner.
So, are you sure you should be here? In a gay guy's room? So, are you sure you should be here? In a gay guy's room? Are you taking pictures? Are you taking pictures? I would never do anything like that.
I know.
I would never do anything like that.
I know.
What's going on? What's going on? DISTANT CHATTER DISTANT CHATTER Oh, the press.
They followed me here.
Oh, the press.
They followed me here.
Didn't you know they would? Didn't you know they would? I'm allowed to have friends, aren't I? Gay or straight.
I'm allowed to have friends, aren't I? Gay or straight.
Since when is that a crime? Hey.
Since when is that a crime? Hey.
You're preaching to the choir, honey.
Tell THEM.
You're preaching to the choir, honey.
Tell THEM.
Maybe I will.
Maybe I will.
I thought you were going to fight it.
I thought you were going to fight it.
Maybe I can't fight it.
Maybe I can't fight it.
What you said about me having feelings for you What you said about me having feelings for you .
.
it's true.
.
.
it's true.
There might be a part of me that There might be a part of me that No, there IS a part of me No, there IS a part of me .
.
that wants to kiss you .
.
that wants to kiss you .
.
to hold you.
.
.
to hold you.
I guess that makes me I guess that makes me You have to say it.
You have to say it.
.
.
gay.
.
.
gay.
Touchdown.
(Chuckles) Touchdown.
(Chuckles) Reverend Fowler, the driving force behind Proposition 14, said today Reverend Fowler, the driving force behind Proposition 14, said today he would do everything in his and Gods power he would do everything in his and Gods power to stop homosexuals from destroying our country.
to stop homosexuals from destroying our country.
Bolstered by a major ad campaign, Bolstered by a major ad campaign, Fowler has mobilised a significant support base in the state.
Fowler has mobilised a significant support base in the state.
(Switches off TV) (Switches off TV) Ben? What is it? Ben? What is it? Come and look at this.
Come and look at this.
Not much of a correspondent, is he? Not much of a correspondent, is he? He said what we needed to hear.
He said what we needed to hear.
And he signed it 'love'.
And he signed it 'love'.
DANCE MUSIC PLAYS DANCE MUSIC PLAYS Look who's back.
Look who's back.
I see.
I thought you had him banned.
I see.
I thought you had him banned.
(Chuckles) I did.
(Chuckles) I did.
I'll have him thrown out.
Don't.
I'll have him thrown out.
Don't.
You can lock the doors and bar the windows, You can lock the doors and bar the windows, buteventually bound to get in.
buteventually bound to get in.
What is? What is?