King of the Hill s05e09 Episode Script

Okay, I have narrowed it down to one movie.
We are seeing The Flowers of Time, rated PG-Ti by the Motion Picture Association of America and PG-12 by Peggy Hill.
When I agreed to see a movie today I assumed it was understood that I meant not a ladies' picture.
Hank, just because it takes place on a rose farm does not mean it's a ladies' picture.
It doesn't help.
Dang it! She's been giving me trouble all week.
First it was the distributor components then I had to tweak the carburetor's fuel-air mixture-- Oh, for God's sake! Just take it to a mechanic.
Another man touching her all over, playing with her manifolds? And then making Hank pay for it? - Don't tell me.
- You'll pay for it.
Peggy, this truck has been through four presidents three Cowboy Super Bowl victories, and zero mechanics.
There she goes.
All right, everyone in, quick.
To The Flowers of Time.
$5 a ton if you feed it to pigs and it's the exact same corn.
And they said nobody beats the claw machine.
That's great, Son.
Now give it to Connie.
No.
She won it for me.
This is Charlton Heston and Ethan Hawke's third movie together.
The first two went straight to video.
- Dale and I are the only guys here.
- No.
There are two gentlemen right over there.
The ones with the mustaches.
Hank, now look.
That is a pillow sham.
The only thing keeping you alive is the pressure of the tractor.
Son, I never really got around to saying a lot of things.
For being 106, that man has a magnificent head of hair.
Shush, sug'.
This movie is good enough to have been based on a novel.
Hank? I won't make it to harvest this year, Son.
Yes, you will.
You have to.
I am so proud of you Nathaniel.
You are my rose.
- Hank, are you crying? - Nope.
Just watching the movie.
Hank, you're scaring me.
What the hell is going on? I'm okay.
Please continue to look at the screen.
Hank Hill is weeping like a little French girl.
Come see what Channel 84 calls "a fragrant bouquet of human emotions.
" Oh, Hank, come on.
There's no reason to be ashamed about your crying.
- But yet, I am.
- I wasn't crying.
Coming from the heat of outdoors and then into the air-conditioned theater is naturally gonna cause some condensation.
Now, I am not a professional psychologist, but I am an amateur psychologist.
And I think that this spontaneous eye-watering may have something to do with your father.
Nope.
it has nothing to do with anything.
Well, think about it.
You have a strained relationship with your dad and your greatest fear is that he will die without telling you how much he loves you.
You are Ethan Hawke, Hank.
That's just crazy talk.
Our relationship is strained but fine.
Wait.
I don't know why I didn't see this.
You're right.
You are not Ethan Hawke.
You are Charlton Heston.
Bobby is Ethan Hawke.
- Yes.
Done.
- No, it is not done.
You and Bobby are very distant emotionally and quite distant physically.
And you know that if you were ever pinned under a tractor Bobby wouldn't be able to lift it and you wouldn't be able to tell him that you love him.
- That, Hank, that is why you were crying.
- No.
There is something wrong with my eyes.
Something seriously wrong.
- Yep, that's it.
Good night.
- Oh.
Okay.
So now you're the amateur doctor.
Interesting.
Bill, knock-knock.
- Who's there? - Boo.
- Boo who? - "Boo-Hoo" Hank.
Man, that is a good one.
Man, I got another one.
What do you call the difference between a man and a little squirt gun? - What? - Hank.
So, I forgot how long the straw was, and it caught me in the eye.
That was Sprite running down my cheek, not tears.
- Okay.
- Let's go, Hank.
We have a 2:00 with an optician at the mall.
He's not a doctor.
But there is nothing medically wrong with you, so it doesn't really matter, does it? How much longer would you say you have to be this close to my face? I'm not really finding anything wrong with your eyes, Mr.
Hill.
Just as I thought and diagnosed yesterday.
Are you ready to admit you were crying, Hank? Or do we need to see a brain doctor? Because I will go right back in there and get a referral.
Okay, you were right.
I am crying.
- You happy now? - Well, I'm I'm happy for me, but I am sad for you.
But, honey, I promise to keep this between you, me, Bobby and the family therapist we will undoubtedly have to see.
I'm not crying because of Bobby.
Charlton Heston isn't me or Bobby.
Charlton Heston is ls my truck.
No, this is not because of your truck, Hank.
I think somethings wrong with her.
I checked this morning and there was water in the exhaust.
Oh, God! Mr.
Hill, I'm afraid the news isn't good.
She's only got about 500 miles left, - I'm just gonna close her up.
- You're not even gonna try to fix it? It would cost more to fix this truck than it's worth.
No, sir, I do not accept your answer.
This truck has given me and you cannot put a blue-book value on that.
Now who's gonna tow me home? Hank's never gonna let this truck go, and we're the ones who are gonna suffer.
We will now be "rides to the Auto Zone" and "those chumps who will push my truck.
" You can't blame Hank for being attached to his truck.
He loves it.
And that's what you do when you love something.
You cling to it so it doesn't try to run away.
I've had my van for 10 years.
First sign of weakness, I'll shoot her myself.
Look, she's running.
All I did was change the spark plugs adjust the valve train and rebuild the carburetor.
She's purring like Eartha Kitt.
You got a dang old fire in the hole, man.
Ain't gonna do nothing but blow, man! No, nothing to worry about.
Probably just a leak in the fuel line.
I'll just have to watch it until the engine runs out of gas.
Yep.
- Yep.
- Mm-hm.
Yep.
All right, Bobby.
I think the carburetor just needed a little fine-tuning.
Crank it gently.
Peggy, I know you said you'd divorce me if I got rid of the Maverick.
- So I hope you were kidding.
- Hank, it's beautiful.
Hey, Dale, do you mind driving me over to the Auto Zone? I'm just gonna break down and buy a new carburetor.
And so it begins.
Sorry I'm almost late, sir.
I tried that new left-turn lane on Fourth.
It was okay.
Yeah, yeah.
I need you, Hank.
Clark Mobile Homes is threatening to cancel their account.
Oh, God! They have a heated pool and communal barbecue pits.
What the I mean, what seems to be the problem with Mr.
Clark? It seems Enrique's been short-filling their tanks.
- Why would he do that? - Well, I told him to.
Cripes almighty! it's hot in here! Really? I was just thinking it was a little chilly, actually.
Now, someone's lying to me.
Let's see.
Is it the girl in Accounting, my daughter? Or you fellows? Scout's honor, Roy.
If Hank says those tanks were filled, by God, those tanks were filled! Actually, sir, if you recall, what I said was-- Whoo-ee! I don't like to get this sweaty lessen I have a, you know, little lady to towel off on.
We lost the account, didn't we? So I raised my hand and said: "Mrs.
Donovan, I think I speak for the whole class "when I say the homework load has been a little heavy lately.
" And the class erupted.
Bobby was in the middle of a great story.
- Start again, Bobby.
Lots of energy.
- Okay.
It was a day like any other-- Here's a story for you.
I've had a long day and I lost a big account and I don't have the energy to listen to any stories.
The end.
Bobby, honey, it is not because he doesn't love you.
I know.
it's because of his truck.
Well, that is what he keeps saying anyway.
But what I think would really help your father "fix his truck" is for the two of you to spend some good time together.
Fixing his truck? It doesn't matter what you do, Bobby.
No.
Wait, honey.
Don't tell him any more of those boring school stories, okay? Hey, Dad.
Need an extra set of hands? That is not a toy, it's for lying down on.
Dang it, BObbV! People are gonna see this oil stain and think I'm a drunk.
Now clean it up.
"We perform miracles at Pick-Up Truck Heaven.
" So I called and told them the transmission's shot and the engine mounts are rusty, and it was catching fire a lot and they said, "No problem.
" This place is all the way in West Durndell.
I'm not gonna drive my truck 40 miles on some magic-carpet ride so some jackass mechanic can tell me there's nothing he can do.
Come on, Dad.
Your truck drove you to the hospital when you cut your toe with a weed-whacker.
You owe it to her to at least try.
And you owe it to Bobby to take him along.
After all, this is his brilliant idea.
I wish I could take credit for it.
Oh, I did buy the newspaper.
I'm not sure.
The address is either 1523 or 1528.
It says, "Look for the giant inflated gorilla.
" Is that it? Hello.
I am Marty Mendez.
You must be Mr.
Hill.
I recognized your truck from your son's description.
You have my condolences.
- Tell me, Marty, what do you recommend? - A new truck.
You're not a mechanic at all.
You're a salesman.
I am the salesman.
Salesman of the Month, March '98.
I'm sure I mentioned that to your son.
I'm very proud of it.
How could you? Eighty-four miles I'll never get back.
It's not all my fault.
Mom did buy the paper.
I'm as mad at her as you are.
Come on.
Bobby, take the wheel.
I can't push it myself.
She's too solidly manufactured.
Stop making train noises.
It's not funny.
Dad, it's not me.
I think there's a Bobby, get away from the tracks, now! Dad, leave it! Stop! Someone's on the tracks! Stop the train! Stop! No! So that's what it sounds like when a train hits a truck.
It was a little more trucky than I would have thought considering how much train there was.
This is all your fault.
You killed my truck.
I was just trying to help.
And if it wasn't the train, it would have been something else.
That mechanic said it only had 500 miles left.
Even if he was right, which he wasn't if I only drove 5 miles a year, I could have had her another 100 years.
We should have asked for a lift.
You just sit here and try not to break any more trucks.
You're back.
Save your fancy come-ons for the Okies, okay? I told you before, I'm not interested.
And none of your song and dance is gonna change that.
Believe me, it would.
Now, as long as you have come back I feel I must tell you that this bad boy comes with a sunroof and seat-warmers in its standard package.
Well, sounds great.
Let me just put on a dress and hop on up.
- Look, I just need a phone.
- There's one in the truck.
I'm just being honest with you.
I'm just gonna use the pay phone in the showroom.
Bobby, I'll just be a minute.
Bobby? You looking for a little kid about this big by this big? - He said he's walking home.
- What? - Why didn't you try to stop him? - Looked like he could use the exercise.
Red or green, honey? Well, I give up.
I don't know if it was you or the truck but I need to test-drive this beauty right now.
I knew it.
It feels like March '98 all over again.
Yes.
Excuse me, I'm looking for my son.
A kid came running by, asking for directions to Arlen.
That's him.
I pointed him north on Mariposa, but he went west on Travis.
The way I pointed.
Okay, west.
Bobby? Anti-lock brakes.
That's why they didn't lock.
You can do it, Bobby.
Only 39 miles to go.
Bobby, quick.
Get in.
I'm fine, thank you.
I am walking home.
Bobby, you got tired on the drive over here.
Look, Bobby, I'm sorry I blamed you for killing my truck.
- I know it wasn't intentional.
- Well, you're damn right it wasn't! You think you're the only one who loved that truck? I spent the best years of my life in that truck.
You did love my truck? I'm sorry I never got a chance to tell her that.
Come on.
Why don't you climb on up? It's got seat-warmers.
My butt is kind of numb.
Hey, I got my own airbag and a vanity mirror.
I look pretty sweet in this truck.
I found this by the tracks.
You know, maybe she died there for a reason.
Like she was trying to tell you something.
Like, "Go back to the dealership and buy a new truck.
"It's okay.
I'm in a better- And then the train hit her.
Yeah, maybe you're right.
Maybe she is looking down on us right now, from pick-up truck heaven.
You know, the real one.
Oh, man! There's something in my eye.
Yeah, it's the new-car smell.
It's very strong.
- I love this truck.
- Yeah, me, too.
But when we get back to the dealership, pretend you hate it.
To The Flowers of Time.