The Middle s05e10 Episode Script

When you're raising a quirky kid, people tell you not to worry-- they'll outgrow it.
Hey, mom.
Look.
They were just gonna throw this guy away at work, and I saved it.
Can you believe no one wanted him? I love balloons.
And that's not even the kid I was talking about.
Where are you going? To the fridge.
Brick, I got to get this in there.
It's frugal hoosier milk.
It may already be too late.
Now where are you going? Taking out the trash.
How long are you gonna be? I don't know.
Is it my imagination, or has Brick gone a little off the deep end? So it's not just me? That kid has no concept of personal space.
It's like I got a tiny second shadow.
Plenty of room there, buddy.
Ha.
That's nothing.
Brick! It's been more than 20 minutes.
I hate to say it, but I think he's crossed over from quirky into full-blown weird.
Probably a phase.
He's got to get tired of hanging out with us sometime.
I know, right? I'm bored with us and I'm one of us.
You guys in for the night? Nobody's going anywhere? Nope, just going to bed-- boring old bed.
Okay, just keep me in the loop.
Thank you for lunching at Spudsy Malone's.
- Welcome to-- - Hey.
Welcome to Spudsy Malone's.
Would you like to try our tex-mex potato and put a little "South of the border" in your order? Nah, I don't like foreign food.
Give me a pizza potato.
Here.
Why is Derrick Glossner here? It's weird.
It's weird that he's here, right? Well, you know it's not for the potatoes, 'cause they're not that good.
Really? Are you saying that-- Brad, watch my register.
Okay, first of all, that is not okay.
Those are for wishes.
It looks like your wish came true.
What is that even supposed to mean? Okay, look, I don't know what you're doing here, but if this has anything to do with kissing me the other day without my consent, then I need to make it perfectly clear that that was not acceptable.
I mean, normal people who live by the rules of society do not just go around kissing people without-- Whoa.
Heck on the breakaway.
Passes it back to Donahue.
Donahue to Heck! He goes up for it and Uh What is this? Hey, what's up? The city snow plow piled all this here in front of the door, so the owner's paying us to move it by Saturday.
Wow.
That's fascinating.
Really.
I'm actually more concerned about the fact you guys are wearing Boss Co.
shirts.
You should know there already is a Boss Co.
, and you can't act like you're a Boss Co.
'Cause we're Boss Co.
Oh, hey, other bosses.
Okay, now it makes sense.
Boss Co.
sidebar right now.
Hey, not you guys.
Only bosses.
Hey, we're bosses, too.
That's the point of Boss Co.
Whoa.
Don't explain the Boss Co.
bylaws to me.
I made the bylaws.
Darrin, get Could you guys give us a second? What are you doing? The three of us are the only bosses of Boss Co.
Yeah, that was the deal.
We split everything-- I had no other way to make money.
You guys both have scholarships.
I have to pay for A/C school on my own.
Plus, dating Angel isn't cheap.
She has fancy tastes.
Every time we go to the bowling alley, she orders meat on our nachos.
It's a $3 add-on.
So, guys, should we maybe get back to work? Look, there's been a misunderstanding.
When Darrin hired you, he didn't realize he did not have the authorization to do so.
So, what it comes down to is, the original bosses of Boss Co.
are here, and your services are no longer required.
So, uh, we're gonna need those shirts.
Hey.
Okay, I don't know what you were thinking when you showed up to my place of employment and acted very inappropriately.
Now, maybe I wasn't clear with you before, so let me be extremely, unmistakably, totally-- You want Cheerios powder or Rice Chex dust? I'll take half of each with just a skosh of milk.
Brick, what are you doing under there? Why aren't you sleeping in your room? Well, I can't.
I'm a sitting duck in there.
What is going on? You've been acting weirder than usual, and that's really saying something.
Well, you know how there was that article in the paper about the break-in at Joe's Subs? What if that happened here? Oh.
So that's what's been bothering you? Yeah.
My bed's right by the window.
It's the perfect entry point for a burglar.
Brick, you're getting yourself all worked up for nothing.
That Joe's Subs thing was one isolated incident.
Orson is one of the safest towns in the state.
I promise you, nobody's breaking in here.
Think about it.
Joe's Subs has two things we don't-- money and good food.
I'd say that's it.
Boss job done.
Shovel five! Yeah.
Whoo! Who are these clowns? Where did the other two idiots go? The important thing is the three true bosses of Boss Co.
have finished the job.
As you can see, the snow pile is moved and your customers can now get into your store.
Yeah, they can get in the store, but how are they supposed to get their cars in the garage? - Oh.
- Right.
Is that a problem? I need to talk to you.
Okay, you have kissed me three times now, and I just want to make sure you're not going around telling people that we like each other or that we're in some kind of relationship or something, because nothing could be further from the truth.
There is nothing between us.
I mean, yeah, your lips are much softer and fuller than I imagined, but I still do not like it.
So, uh um I don't want to hear that you're telling people that I'm your girlfriend, 'cause I am-- I mean, it's terrifying.
He could show up here at any time.
I can't even go in my own front yard anymore.
Sue, I'm getting a little tired of talking about Derrick Glossner.
I know.
Don't you think I'm sick of it, too? You think I want to be up all night thinking about Derrick Glossner? I mean, I never know when he's just gonna show up and do something like that again.
It's like every time I hear a motorbike, it's like, "Oh, God, is that him? Am I gonna get kissed?" The left one.
I just don't know what's going through his head.
He is such a rebel.
I mean, yes, he does have a really good smell to him, and you wouldn't expect something like that from a Glossner.
It's like honey and danger.
Sue, I've been here an hour, and you haven't even asked about me.
How's my girlfriend in Canada? She's great.
Thanks for asking.
How come I'm not driving my Miata? The mechanic says it needs a makeover.
Boo.
Did I get the male lead in the "Annie" musical? You bet your bottom dollar I did.
Oh, Brad.
I am so sorry.
I do care and I want to hear everything that's going on with you.
I didn't mean to ignore you, and if I did, I apologize.
You know someone who has never apologized? Derrick Glossner.
He has now stolen four kisses from me, and I Man, this sucks.
We already moved this pile once.
I don't want to do it again.
Not like we're getting paid twice.
And it's getting warmer out.
Wait.
Darrin, you just gave me a great idea.
- I did? - Yeah.
Say what you just said again.
I did? No, the owner does not need the pile moved until Saturday when he reopens the store.
If it's getting warmer out, that gives us a couple days to let the sun melt the pile.
Boss Co.
's putting mother nature to work.
Whoo! Darrin, what are you doing? - I thought you were working today.
- I am.
We're waiting for this to melt so we can get paid.
Yep.
That's what bosses do.
Employees work, but bosses supervise.
Well, if you're gonna sit on your butt all day, how are you gonna be ready to pick me up at 6:00? You remember what we're doing, right? If you don't know, I'm gonna be so mad.
All right, I don't remember.
I'd guess, but you hate when I guess, so why don't you just tell me? Just make sure you wash your truck before you pick me up.
That thing is filthy.
If you don't, I'm gonna be-- So mad.
Got it.
Sandwich night! I got a text alert.
Oh, boy.
Building collapse in Norway.
Toxic water leak at Japanese power plant.
Government blames dead worker.
That's not good.
Okay, seriously, Brick? Now you're taking on the whole world's problems? Can't we just sit and enjoy our dinner? Sure, if you want to live in denial.
We do.
What was that? Sue, what are you doing? Oh, uh I thought I heard something outside.
Why, is somebody out there? Brick, stop worrying and put the iPad away.
Sue, get in here and sit down.
Axl, shut it.
I didn't say anything.
Well, save that one for the next time you want to talk.
I can't eat this.
This bread is GMO-modified wheat, and I read that tests positive for fecal matter.
Bing! Text alert.
Indiana family has freak show for little brother.
Neighbors say it's always the dorky ones.
What was that? Did that sound like a motorbike? You know what I'm worried about? I'm worried whatever's wrong with these two is lying dormant in me.
Well, that's just great.
Brain-eating parasite-- No, wait.
It's near here.
Nope, iPad gone.
Eat your cheese.
I'm too nervous.
There's just so much going on that I can't stop thinking about.
It's kind of overwhelming.
Can I just go to bed? Sure, whatever.
Hey.
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Wait up.
Hey, uh, where's your brother? None of your damn business! Well, don't tell him I was looking for him, 'cause I'm not.
I was only asking so I could avoid him.
I don't know if he's talked about me.
Has he? Look, lady, I got to go.
I've been out here all day, and my diaper's full.
Well, don't tell him I'm out in my front yard! Look, Brick, you're freaking yourself out here.
The news is on so they got to keep drumming up scary stuff so people will watch.
But it's all true.
It's all stuff that's really happening.
Sure, but what you got to do is ignore it.
That's what I do.
Anything that's gonna be bad news-- TV, the internet, parent/teacher conferences-- I ignore it.
Embrace denial.
You'll be much happier.
Then, when you turn 21, embrace beer.
Nice parenting there, dad.
The point is, things aren't really as bad as they make them sound.
Did you know there's actually fewer kidnappings now than there were 20 years ago? It's just 'cause we get our news faster, so we hear about them more often.
So, I shouldn't be worried about being kidnapped? No, of course not.
Then why can't I go to the mall by myself or talk to strangers? Well, you still have to be on alert.
For what? You know, for things that will never happen but you should still be cautious about.
You just said I don't need to worry about being kidnapped.
Why do I need to be cautious? Look, you don't.
You shouldn't think about it at all.
But j-just keep it in the back of your mind.
Look, Brick, here's the deal-- we're your parents, and we're gonna do all the worrying for you so you don't have to.
That's our job.
And guess what.
I'm not worried.
So you don't need to be, either.
All right.
I guess I can try sleeping in my bed tonight.
- There you go.
- All right.
Yikes.
My balloon! So, what was that about? Well, I-- It was nothing.
I heard a noise.
You bark at everything else in this house.
Where were you on that one? Hey, don't be a hero, dad.
Next time there's an intruder, just call the balloon police.
They'll come running in with their pins drawn.
Wait.
You thought somebody was breaking in.
Okay, it's all over.
Everything's fine.
Go to bed.
So, you are worried.
It can happen here.
No, it can't.
It-- You know, this is your fault.
You know that? You got all up in our heads with your iPad and your Binging, and you ruined lettuce.
Fix him, Frankie.
I'm done.
What am I supposed to do? Well, hi, there, buddy.
Dr.
Fulton, thank you so much for taking the time to see Brick over the holiday.
Well, just 'cause school's on break doesn't mean our feelings are.
Well, I'm gonna head out to the car so you two can talk.
Got a People magazine burning a hole in my purse.
Oh, well, careful there, mom.
Obsession with celebrity can often be a mask for our own feelings of depression and low self-esteem.
Oh, I know.
That's why I need the magazine.
Well, come on in.
Sit anywhere you'd like.
Your mom filled me in on what's been going on with you, and it seems like some pretty heavy-duty stuff.
So what do you think's up? What do you think's giving you this case of the bummers? It's just These bad thoughts get in my head, and then there's no room for the good thoughts, and then I start thinking maybe because of all the bad thoughts, I'll never have a good thought again.
Which also worries me.
Not now, Minnie.
I'm working.
Well, Brick, we all have to learn to live with fear.
You know, that includes this guy right here.
I mean, for me, it's Shelly.
I mean, I fear that she may marry the guy she's dating right now just because he's decisive and buff.
You know, but if she decides to ruin her life like that, I just have to accept it and move on, which isn't to say that I'll meet someone.
I mean, not someone like Shelly.
I mean, no one can be Shelly.
I guess what I'm trying to say, Brick, is I very well may die alone.
Guys, work it out.
They fight over who gets the sunbeam.
It's not just normal fears, though.
In any situation, I immediately go to the worst-case scenario and I don't know how to stop it.
Well, there are many possible treatments.
Some doctors like to use hypnosis to put you in a deep state of relaxation.
Hmm.
What if I don't wake up? Then again, other doctors just prefer simple exercise.
Exercise? Oh, it's great for dealing with anxiety.
You know, when those bad thoughts come, you just get up and move around.
Get the blood going.
You know what? Maybe go for a jog.
Yeah, over to Shelly's house.
And while you're there, let me know if you see that butt-faced ponytailed barista, hmm? God, this is the unmeltingest pile of snow I've ever seen.
Our science was perfect.
It was melting yesterday.
Yeah, well, it froze solid last night.
Oh, I've never hated anything in my life more than this snow pile.
Don't forget Darrin.
Oh, right.
It's a tie between Darrin and the snow pile.
Okay, here's what you're gonna do.
First, you're gonna ask for a few extra days due to weather-related issues beyond our control.
After that, you're gonna go down to Orson Hardware and pick up a bag of rock salt.
No, you go to Orson Hardware.
You pick up a bag of salt.
I'm tired of people bossing me around-- you guys, Angel.
"Don't wear that ugly shirt.
" "Don't walk around outside in socks.
" "Don't hold my hand after eating Cheetos.
" I'm supposed to be a boss, but I'm a boss of nothing.
Well, from now on, I'm gonna start thinking about what I want.
Wow.
Air-conditioning school has really changed that guy.
Mm.
Don't bother.
I already stole your mail.
Okay.
Clearly, you have been spending a lot of time in front of my house, and whatever this thing is that's happening-- that's not happening-- it's not happening.
Got it? Good.
So we're clear now.
'Cause I don't want to have to say it again.
Sue.
Well, that came out of nowhere.
We had high hopes Brick's visit with Dr.
Fulton had done the trick and we'd find him sleeping peacefully in bed.
But the higher the hopes, the farther the fall.
Check under the table.
What's going on, Brick? I thought you were gonna sleep in your bed.
Oh, hey.
Actually, I was asleep in bed, and then I woke up and started to worry about the Asian stock market.
It opens early, you know.
Of course.
Well, I started to feel a little anxious, so, taking Dr.
Fulton's advice, I came out here to do some jumping jacks, and while I got the jumping part right, when it came to the jacks, my coordination was a little off, and I bumped into the fireplace, and mom's royal baby goblet fell and broke.
- Brick.
- That's okay.
I wanted to fix it, so I Googled "Gluing a broken goblet," and it took me to this interesting web page about Buddhism.
It said a person should imagine the things they love broken and destroyed because in the future, everything ends up that way anyway.
Okay.
So, I imagined the house burned down and you and Sue and Axl all dead and all my books gone and I had no one left in the world, and it started to make me feel better.
It did? Yeah.
Suddenly, things made sense.
It's like this Buddhist guy says.
"You see this goblet? For me, it is already broken.
I enjoy it.
I drink out of it.
But when I put this glass on the shelf and the wind knocks it over and it shatters, I say, 'Of course.
' When I understand that the glass is already broken, every moment with it is precious.
" So I've decided, from now on, I want to spend every moment I can with the things I cherish most.
So, I'll be in my room with my books.
Try not to bother me.
It wasn't the most reassuring philosophy, but it worked for Brick, so we were happy.
Unfortunately, it didn't quite work for Axl.
It's a different way of looking at it.
Imagine the store not opening on Saturday.
See? The worst outcome has already happened.
Now, don't you feel better? You're fired.
Well, I already imagined that, so I'm not upset.
Oh.
What are you doing here, Derrick Glossner? Look.
I know you think me kissing you four times was-- Five times.
Yeah, well, don't worry about it, 'cause I'm not gonna kiss you again.
Good, 'cause it's gross and I do not think about it at night while I fall asleep.
Look, I've been thinking about this.
I'm used to just taking what I want when I want it.
Uh-huh.
Thing is, I know I'm not worthy of you yet.
I will be someday.
I want to make something of myself-- like a roofer or a landscaper's assistant.
And then I'm coming back for you, Sue Heck.
And when I do, I'm gonna kiss you so hard, I'll knock your braces off.
Luckily, like everything else in our house, we can easily imagine our mailbox broken.
Turns out, we've been Buddhist for years.