Desperate Housewives s05e11 Episode Script

Previously on Desperate Housewives do you do weddings? Oh, my goodness.
Are you two yes.
Yes, we're getting married.
Oh, my god! Congratulations.
Those in love made the next step or tried to.
I need more from you.
- gaby, I can see them.
- That's wonderful! Eyes were opened in more ways than one the key is this doctor guy.
Maybe we should just bite the bullet and go to boston.
You break up my family.
You burn down my business.
I didn't burn down your club.
And a thre was made.
Someday, you'll be walking home from school, and you'll just disappear.
Poof! there are important events in the history of every famY joyous births tragic deaths sublime weddings.
But the one event every family dreads is the moment when they finally meet the in-laws.
Mom, this is alex's mom melina cominis.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
Likewise, and thanks again for letting me stay here.
I just can't afford a motel right now.
oh, alex mentioned that you were laid f from your job.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, that's okay.
You know what they say-- in a bad economy, the mature cocktail waitress is the first to go.
Real? They say that? Mom, we're gonna go get your luggage.
That way, you two can get acqunted.
Thank you again for making the long drive down from oakdale.
It's high time our families got together.
Absolutely.
Now speaking of family get-togethers, that reminds me-- I call christmas.
What? Now that the boys are getting hitched, we're gonna ha to split the holidays, so I call christmas.
Wait, wait, wait.
This is not how we decide family get-togethers.
What's the problem? I'm letting you have thanksgiving.
I'm a caterer.
I oversee events on thanksgiving.
It's the one holiday that I don't need.
Great.
I call thanksgiving.
Stop that! You can't call all the major holidays.
No one's called easter yet.
Going once - I am not bidding on time with my son.
- Going twice melina, this is childish! - My hand's going up.
- Fine! I call easter.
That wasn't so hard, was it? Look, I know it's very difficult for two families to negotiate the holidays, but I fe strongly that this is not the best way to handle it, and I'm sure that the boys would agree with me.
I called christmas fair and square, and I wanna spend it with my son.
So if you go to the boys and try and screw me over, I'll remember that for a really long time.
Got it? Yes, there are important events in the history of every family.
Meeting the in-laws is one.
Look at you two.
Have I told you how great you look together? Have I? The moment you decide to hate them is another.
proudly presents sync:ßÇÈâÈâ Housewives Season05 Episode11 There's a home for everyone in suburbia, and a realtor eager to find you exactly what you want.
Whether it's something warm and cozy or something dignified and elegant or perhaps something affordable with a porch.
Yes, everyone wants a home with a lovely exterior, mostly so the neighbors will never suspect the ugliness going on inside.
There you are! I just got the listing for the adams house.
Ind I thk the best way to celebrate is for my sexy husband to take me out dancing.
oh, babe.
not tonight.
What's wrong? Are you sick? No.
No, uh I'm good.
Really? 'Cause you look like hell.
I'm good, edie.
I just, uh I-I just feel like staying in tonight, that's all.
Ah, you're doing it again.
There is something upsetting you, and instead of letting me help you, you're shutting me out.
I just don't like to talk about my troubles.
and I don't like sitting at home doing nothing when I feel like dancing.
Edie I am sorry you're unhappy.
There's something you should know about me.
I don't stay unhappy for long.
hey, it's jackson, having fun at the old alma mater.
We need to talk.
Only good news, I promise.
Did I mention miss you? Bye.
we moved here to get away from that.
i didn'T.
I moved here for you.
I've got a deposition to prep for.
Well, then I will go clubbing without you, and I will be wearing my "not coming home alone" jeans.
By "wearing," you mean "squeezing into"? Damn you! Miss anything? Need a juicy recap? No.
I'm good.
Boy, you just have to stick your nose into other people's business.
I'm sorry.
If you're interested, I have dirt on bree.
Go on.
You're no better than I am.
- Nicely played, mayer.
- Thank you.
Can I go clubbing with you tonight? Overplayed, mayer.
Oh, please! I'm bored.
Mike has M.
J.
, Jackson's out of town, and you're gonna need somebody to bitch about bob to.
You do realize I'm going to a gay club.
Yes, that's fine.
Ys love me.
Name three.
You, bob, andrew.
Th's two.
- Come on.
- All right, all right! Meet at my house at 9:00.
And you might wanna pile on the makeup.
Drag queens get their first drink free.
Okay, well, let's try something easier.
After you left mr.
Schilling's nightclub, where did you go first? I don't recall.
Did you maybe drive somewhere? okay, porter, when the D.
A.
, O also has this police report, asks you these questions, and you suddenly "don't recall" anything you said, that's bad.
Bob, you've been going at this for over an hour.
why don't we take a break? Fine.
Porter, go and chill.
I need to talk to your parents anyway.
- okay, what's going on here? - Nothin'.
You know, porter's just nervous.
He was also nervous when I first interviewed him in jail, but he was still able to keep his story straight.
- preston! Where's my cd player? - what? Parker saw you take it.
Mom, please tell preston to stop taking my stuff.
Honey, that's porter.
No, it isn'T.
Right.
Sorry.
You guys have something you wanna tell me? Gaby, you should've come.
You missed a beautiful walk in the park.
Mommy, look at what we found! A ladybug! Neat! Why don't you guys go wash your hands for lunch? Oh, look at her teeny black polka dots.
There's so many beautiful things I used to take for granted before I lost my sight.
Yeah, pretty.
What? You're gonna be late for work.
- Yeah, about that I should've told you before - what? I don't want to give massages anymore, so I quit the country club.
You quit? Why? Okay, I know this is gonna sound bad when I was blind, I never realized that naked people are gross, especially the middle-aged slobs that belong to this country club.
Carlos, you don't just quit a job because of a few moles and a little back fat.
But I can find other work.
Now that I have my vision back, the world is my oyster.
In the meantime, I just wanna spend a few days with my daughters and smelling the roses, soaking in nature.
Like that beautiful spider right ther god's perfect design.
Isn't it amazing? yeah, it sure is.
I'll get you the want ads.
what's all this? Oh, andrew thought it would be nice to have a formal dinner tomorrow night.
Well, if it's a formal dinner, why aren't we using your grandmother's tablecloth? For melina? She'd probably blow her nose on it.
No, I will not let that woman defile nana's lace.
I know melina isn't what we hoped for, rely are.
Need I remind you of my mother? Well, at least gloria had the good taste to have a paralyzing stroke so we don't have to deal with her.
True.
That was a merry christmas.
But melina appears to be in tragically good health, which means we've got quite a few beer-drenched holidays ahead of us.
You have got to figure out some way to be nice to her.
I don't know if I have it in me.
She's such a troglodyte.
Please.
No one's better at plastering on a fake smile and pretending to like someone than bree hodge.
You're sweet.
oh, all right.
Get the lace tablecloth.
I will pretend to like this woman.
just like pretended to like nana.
Bob, we're so sorry.
We meant to tell you.
We really did.
So where the hell is porter? We don't know.
That's why we've been trying to get you to postpone the hearing date until we could find him.
Oh, we have a much bigger problem than the hearing date.
What do you mean? Well, now that I'm aware of this, I have a legalbligation to report it.
What? No, no, no, you can't-- Now my hands are tied.
But if the judge finds out that porter's gone, we have to forfeit the bail.
And since my genius wife used our restaurant to post bond, our only source of income will vanish.
I feel for you guys.
I really do.
- But I'm not gettin disbarred over this.
- Bob please.
We're desperate.
I'm not meeting with the D.
A.
For another two days.
If you find porter by then, I won't say anything.
thank you so much.
We are so sorry that we-- just find him.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm comin'.
gabrielle solis? Bradley scott.
Remember? Carlos and I did some business back in his finance days.
Oh, right! How are you? Good.
Maria and i finally gomarried.
I started my own investment fund.
How about yourself? Good, good.
I don't know if you heard-- carlos got his sight back.
Oh, my--my god.
I had no idea.
I know.
Life is good.
now all we he to do is find him a job.
Well, your timing just might be perfect here.
- Why? You need someone? - As a matter of fac I dO.
Think he'd be interested? I don't know.
I-I can't speak for carlos.
It's an upper-level position with lots of perks and the salary's in the high six figures.
- I'm now speaking for carlos.
He'll take it.
- Great.
I'd kill to have carlos on my team.
That man was a shark.
- Have him call me.
- Yeah.
so long, sucka.
Hello.
Is dr.
Heller in? I'm sorry.
He's not.
Can I help you? Not really.
See, we ne to talk to him about dave williams.
- Dave williams? - Yeah.
Dave is a patient of his.
I'm sure you know him-- blond hair, ue eyes, creepier than all get-out.
I'm not in a position to confirm that.
And I don't think the doctor would discuss his patients with you either.
Oh, he'll talk to us.
- Dave's been up to some pretty sick stuff - yeah.
And I-I'm bettin' dollars to doughnuts dr.
Heller would wanna know all about it.
So when does he get here? I couldn't say.
We'll wait.
Is that a beer? We're not in a position to confirm that.
your new shoes are pretty.
Aren't they? Daddy bought them for mommy-- he doesn't know it yet-- because he has a wonderful new job.
He doesn't that yet either.
- good news! - Me, too.
Me first.
Remember bradley scott? I ran into him today, and he's giving you a job.
That'S nice.
But that's what I wanted to tell you.
- I just got a job.
- fantastic! Well, you didn't sign a contract or anything, did you? 'Cause maybe we can get them into a bidding war.
unlikely.
It's at the counity center.
I'm gonna work with the blind.
Great.
And what's the signing bonus for that--a cup of pencils? I thought you were gonna get a better job.
What happened to the world being your oyster? 'S meaningful work.
Who cares? Bradley's offering perks.
What kind of perks is this blind thing offering? Hmm, let me think making the world a better place, personal fulfillment.
Carlos, I've spent the last five years working with the blind.
Trust me, it's not that fulfilling.
Look, when I lost my sight, those people were there for me.
Ah, I just wanna give something back.
Not to mention bradley scott? Kind of an ass.
No way I'm working for that guy.
Hi, bradley, it's gaby solis.
I just talked to him, and he's intrigued.
How would you like to come over for dinner and seal the deal? this is so fun! I haven't been out in ages.
Tonight, I am gonnaboogie-oogie-oogie you really haven't been out in a while.
Go ahead.
What do you want to drink? Oh, I'll have what you're having.
Cirrhosis of the liver, coming right up.
hey, jackson.
What? Really? Here you are.
yeah, just taking in the scenery.
You know, we actually have some very comfortable patio furniture in the backyard along with a place to put your recyclables.
No, I'm good here.
What have you two been up to? Edie was shong us some houses.
I didn't know know you two were house hunting.
Yes.
We've got to get out of that apartment.
Did edie show you the adams house? She did, and it's fantastic.
And if we could figure out a way to move it next to a toxic waste dump, maybe we could afford it.
Holy moly, would you look at these prices! You know, for this kind of money, you could come up to my town and get a 5-bedroom house on the lake.
I'm sure they could.
It's too bad your practice is all the way down here.
It is now, but it's not like there aren't sick people in oakdale.
Who, undoubtedly, already have doctors, just like your patients in fairview have you.
Fine.
Let them stay in that teeny apartment.
Who cares if the other doctors make fun of you? You know, I think we should talk about this.
You'd really like oakdale-- no traffic, fresh air.
Hey, I'm open.
Maybe we can go up there this weekend and look around.
what are you doing? Just helping the boys live the american dream.
I'll tell you what.
If the guymove up near me, you can ha 'em for christmas.
I just wish there was some way I could get back at bob.
I'm so sick of his smug attitude.
"I'm the provider.
I bring home the bacon.
" Well, you know what? I contribute, too.
I handle the bills.
I clean the house.
I thought you had a housekeeper.
Jeez, you're an ugly drunk.
Come on.
It's a joke.
What's with the face? I just jackson called earlier, and, um you know, he went to riverton to visit his old art professor, and she offered him a job.
That's cool.
And he wants me to move there with him.
You gonna go? Well I wanna be with him, so I think I have to.
You're that serious about this guy? Yeah.
Sure.
why not? you sure you're not just waiting for closing time? What does that mean? You know, 2:00 A.
M.
, Bar's closing.
You haven't found the perfect guy, so you settle for something like that.
Oh, crap.
Look away.
Look away.
Look away.
Lee, that is not what I'm doing.
Is jackson perfect? No.
But I don't think there is such a thing, and I have a history of sabotaging relationships.
no, I'm doing this.
M moving.
Well, congratulations to you.
Scary guy's coming over.
I have to throw him off the scent.
Do you mind if I grab one of your boobs? Knock yourself out.
Jazz! Oh, my god! why didn't you wake me? Bob is going to kill me.
But that was, uh, fun last night.
different, but fun.
see ya.
*****In his english class, the entire debate team.
Porter hasn't contacted any of them.
Well, hurry home.
We gotta decide what our next move .
All right.
I love you.
Bye.
- preston, why didn't you pick up when I called you? - What? I called you, like, five times.
- No, you didn'T.
- Yeah see?You're not even on my callog.
hey, dude.
Is mom still there? Porter, it's mom.
Where are you? Porter! - you know where he is! - I don'T.
He won't tell me.
But you have been talking to him.
What the hell, preston? - I want my phone back.
- Fine.
You know what you're going to do with it? You are going to call your brother and tell him to come home.
He's not coming home.
Mr.
Schilling threatened to kill him.
What? What? That's why he ran away? I thought he was afraid of going to jail.
Well, I'm sure warren schilling was just tryinto scare h.
It worked! Rter's terrified! Okay, we'll get a--we'll get a restraining order.
I don't think that's gonna stop this guy.
I can handle warren schilling.
But if porter doesn't show up for court, we're gonna lose our restaurant! A guy threatens to kill your son, and that's what you're worried about? No, I'm not gonna let my brother risk his life so you and dad can sell pizza.
how do you sleep with someone and not remember? I don't know.
I was drunk.
Okay, let's skip to the important part--who was it? Just a friend.
Oh, gaby, do you think I did this subconsciously just to sabotage my relationship with jackson? It was tom scavo, wasn't it? Will you stop guessing? Oh, god! Why won't I just let myself be happy? Was it lou? My mechanic? Are you crazy? Come on.
You were with a plumber and a housepainter.
I mean, let's face it-- you like your service providers.
- susan, you home? - Bob! uh, what are you doing here? Well it's about lee.
He told me he took you out last night.
Yes.
Uh, we had a very nice, uneventful evening.
Why? what did he say? 'Cause he was pretty drunk, so he was probably making stuff up.
Well, he didn't come home.
He claims he spent the night here.
oh, my god.
Oh, hi, gaby.
I didn't know you were here.
Never mind her.
She was just leaving.
No.
I think I should stay and clean this up.
It's A huge mess.
Uh, bob uh, lee did stay here last night.
he slept on the couch in the guest room.
So you have nothing to worry about.
Oh, thank god.
I just had this awful feeling that he spent the night with another man.
wolee uldn't do that.
He loves you.
I know he does, but he's got a few drinks in him, he'll bang anything with a pulse and facial hair.
You still haven't heard from him? For the 17th time no.
Where does she get off having all that attitude? She's young and pretty, and we're not.
She's not that pretty.
I can hear every word you're saying.
From all the way over there? Boy, she is young.
look, I'm very tired, so I'm going to break the rules.
Dr.
Heller went on some sort of trip.
He should've been back a week ago, and I don't know where he is.
Why didn't you tell us that in the first place? Because it's none of your business! hello? Dr.
Heller's office.
Uh, hey.
It's david dash.
Is he in? Did you hear that? He should've been back by now.
Why isn't he back? I'm sorry, mr.
Dash.
Dr.
Heller's out of town.
What are you saying? You think dave has something to do with heller being late from vacation? Don't ask me why, but I got a feeling there's a connection.
Well, can I still get a prescription refilled? Re.
Dr.
Lybrand's on call.
Could you see him tomorrow ound 2:00? Actually, I've moved.
- You know what? - What? I'm done.
Meaning what? I'm sure we can work it out.
What's your new adess? What, you're just gonna abandon me? I went on this wild goose chase as far as I could.
Oh, don't--please don't go, roberta.
I need your help.
Then get somebody else.
I'm tapped out.
Roberta, wait! "Wisteria lane.
" What a lovely name.
bree, you sure there isn't anything I can do to help? I'm just standing here with my thumb up my butt.
Uh, no help needed.
Certainly nothing that would ruire your thumb.
Uh, sorry we're late.
We got hung up at the realtors.
Actually, you're right on time.
We're just about to eat.
- Shall we? - Yeah.
Excuse excuse me, melina.
That's my chair.
I just wanted to sit next to the boys.
Well, did it occur to you I might want to sit next to the boys? Did it occur to you that I already called it? She did.
She called it.
Why don't you sit re, bree? guess who just called the burnt lamb chop? I just wanted to see the look on your faces when you heard my good news.
Really? What is it? Well, I told dr.
Hardy you're moving to oakdale.
Uh, thinking about it.
They're thinking about moving to oakdale.
Not after they hear this.
Anyway, he's retiring next month, and he thinks you'd be perfect to take over his practice.
Are you serious? Wow, this could be a good opportunity for us.
Yes.
A good opportunity for andrew to commute ve hours to his job.
I don't know, alex.
This is all happening pretty fast.
But it's the only way we're gonna be able to afford a house, - and if we're gonna have kids - you're gonna have kids? Oh, this is perfect! I can look after them for you! Let's toast to seal the deal.
Here's to oakdale.
I bought you the adams house! - What? - What? What? It was going to be a surprise, you know, for your wedding.
Unfortunately, this whole silly oakdale thing has forced me to show my hand.
Mom, that's too generous.
Yes, that's, uh that's way too generous.
You shouldn't do that.
Oh, it's nothing you wouldn't do.
Bree, I don't know what to say, except thank you so much.
- I really love you for this.
- Oh, and I love you, too.
Orson, dear, would you pour melina another glass of wine? - calling edie, are you? - you know it.
hi, honey.
You remember bradley and his wife maria.
They dropped by for dinner.
How fun.
Can I ask you something about the trash cans? Excuse me.
what is that miserable S.
O.
B.
Doing here? I already took the job at the community center.
I know.
Just listen to what bradley has to say, and if at the end of the evening you're still not interested, I support you completely.
Deal? If it'll get you off my back deal.
After I got concessions from the union, I laid off a third of the workforce, outsourced another third.
A year later, I sold the company for twice what I paid for it.
Impressive.
Huh, carlos? Very.
It'll be a great story to tell all the other C.
E.
O.
S in hell.
- Carlos, be nice.
- No, it's fine.
Just taking care of my kids.
Yeah.
I've got a picture of them in my purse.
Wanna see how many you can name? More wine, maria? So, bradley, if carlos were to come work for you, what would a typical week look like? Oh, lots of high-end deal making, uh, international travel.
oh, yeah.
We travel all over the world together.
It is so fun sitting alone in a five-star hotel while your husband is out crushing the third world under the heel of his jackboot.
You hear that, carlos? Five-star hotels.
Listen, bradley, really appreciate the offer, but I told you-- I already have a job.
Why can't you do your work with the deaf on the weekends? First of all, because they're blind.
You tell him.
um, honey, bradley's right.
You could take this job and do your charity work in your free time.
No, don't listen to her.
You are a good man, and you are going to help people.
And even if you never end up making a penny, you'll be worth more than this soulless bastard.
I work very hard to provide for you and the kids, and I would like a little respect.
We, you know what i would like? A big divorce.
so is eye care included in the health plan? 'Cause that's obviously a big issue for carlos.
daddy misses you so much.
I'm so sorry.
okay? Bye-bye! I miss you two so much.
very soon, honey.
It's just a little teeny bit longer.
Oh, my little girl.
You look so beautiful.
I've missed you so much.
We're gonna be together soon.
I promise you.
Just a teeny little bit.
It'll be fine.
Dave? I'm sorry.
You scared me.
Who were you talking to? No one.
I heard you.
Edie, please, j-- I'm not feeling well.
Who the hell were you talking to? leave me alone.
why did you turn down here? I thght we were going to the store.
mom, what is this place? Before I became a mother, I didn't know it was possible to love another human being so completely, and with that love comes this need to protect you.
It wasn't a decisiit'S pral.
It's just something in my D.
N.
A.
Whatever it is, it makes me not care about myself, and it reminds me that my reason for being on this planet is to look after you kids.
Why are you telling me this? Yesterday, you said warren schilling will kill porter if he gets the chance.
I will never let that happen.
Mom, where are we? You see that bar? Warren schilling goes there every night.
Tonight, when he leaves I'm gonna do what I have to, to make sure my family is safe.
So I need you to get out now.
You can't be in the car when this happens.
Are you serious? You're gonna run him over? Like I said, it's in my D.
N.
A.
that could be him.
Get out.
- Get out! Get out! - Okay! Stop it! I get it! I'll call porter and tell him he doesn't have to worry about mr.
Schilling.
And you will convince him to come back home.
Shut the door.
so remember how you said I just had to hear bradley out, and then whatever I decided, you'd support me? Well, you may be surprised, but I am ready to render my decision.
Let me lay it out for you-- either I do something fulfilling where I help other people and feel good out myself, or I take a job I hate where I make a lot of money, but it eats my life and crushes my soul.
Hang on.
Before you do that, let me lay it out for you.
Either you let your family continue to sacrifice so you can feel good about yourself, or you grow up and make real money and look after us like we've been looking after you for the past five years.
You know what these jobs are like, gaby.
I'd never be home.
And when I was, I'd be tired or irritated.
It will take a toll on all of us.
It took a toll on us when we couldn't pay the s bill, carlos.
It took a toll on us when juanita was sent home from day care because the check bounced.
But I handled it, and now it's your turn to handle it.
Gaby, please don't make me do this.
bradley? Hey, it's carlos.
Well, I've, uh, done some thinking, and I actually I wa that job, if it's still on the table.
yeah.
I was surprised, too.
sounds great.
See you monday.
hey, susan.
I just made tea.
Come on in.
Lee, um well, there's just no graceful way to ask this, so I'm just gonna say it straight out.
When you spent the night, did we get it on? ye gods, no.
Are you insane? So nothing happened between us? Hello? Gay! Listening to opera in a kimono.
What more do you need to know? oh, thank god.
You know, when I woke up next to you yesterday, I just didn't know what to think.
But why would you think that? 'Cause you were mad at bob, and I told you about how I sometimes sabotage my relationships.
Well, u didn'T.
Not this time, anyway.
Yay.
now I can move in with jackson with a clear conscience.
- good.
Good.
- Wait, so I just-- I have to ask.
Why exactly are you moving in with jackson? Because he loves me.
Do you love him? I'm getting there.
Don't you think maybe you should wait until you've arrived? Mike and I will never get back together.
I know that now.
And i really need to move on with my life.
You know moving on doesn't have to mean moving in.
Jackson has made it pretty clear that he doesn't do good with long-distance relationships.
- I could lose him.
- So lose him.
I'm not good alone.
I ne a man in my life.
But why? We're so useless.
But you are fun to dance with.
I think you should tell jackson you're not ready.
Anif he ends up leaving, then, hell, i will dance with you.
At least until someone better comes along.
How does that sound? If this is your attempt at bedding me again, miss mayer, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
mom really wants to talk to you, just for five seconds.
Do it for me, okay? - Sweetie, where are you? - I don't want to tell you.
Porter you have got to come home.
Everything will be fine.
I promise.
How? Either warren schilling kills me, or I end up in jail.
We can get a restraining order to protect you, and bob thinks there's a good shot at getting the case dismissed.
You know, I've been reading the fairview papers online.
Everybody thinks I did it.
There is not a shred of evidence against you.
When people see that, they will be on your side just like we are.
Sweetie, you have to trust me.
I do trust you.
It's just I-- don't fall for it, kiddo.
I trusted her once, and look where it got me.
- Good morning.
- Is it? I didn't get a lot of sleep.
Okay, about last night, I'm sorry.
Let me stop you right there.
I don't need an apology.
I need an explanation.
and if you can't give me one I'm thinking we're finished.
Look, I'm just stressed out.
Stress doesn't make you talk to people who aren't there.
What is going on? Okay.
Before we met, I was married to someone else.
But she died.
And last night she was sort of on my mind.
You were married before? She's dead, edie.
What does it matter? Oh, it matters.
You have until tonight to get your things together.
Then I want you out of my house.
Everyone needs a lovely home in suburbia, mostly so the neighbors will never suspect what's going on inside.
Behind these freshly painted walls you will find parents wracked with guilt wives tired of struggling lovers who have been lied to yes, everybody needs a lovely home in suburbia if for no other reason than to have a place to come home to.