South Park s05e12 Episode Script

comedy central ? I'm going down to south park? ? Gonna have myself a time? ? Friendly faces everywhere? ? Humble folks without temptation? ? Going down to south park? ? Gonna leave my woes behind? ? Ample parking day or night? ? People spouting "howdy neighbor"? ? Headin' on up to south park? ? Gonna see if i can't unwind? ? So come on down to south park? ? And meet some friends of mine? And so, just like in nature, I can add the mixture into the volcano and- Oh, pele, god of fire, show us your- Oh, it's all g-Gooey.
Okay, good job, butters, you get a check.
Thank you, miss choksondik.
I got a check, that's like a "c".
Okay, whose project should we look at next? How about eric.
Eric cartman.
Stand by, please.
Now, eric! Oh, goddammit! Ha, ha! Shut up, jew! Yes, well.
For my project i made a pencil, taped to a pen.
In this way we see the duality of writing devices That occurs in nature.
You just put that thing together, just now.
I'm giving you a check minus.
Ah! Goddammit, i hate check minus! Sit down.
I'll make you eat your parents.
What did you say? Nothing.
All right, token, you're next.
Using my laptop i hooked into the internet And found a meteorology website.
I downloaded the data, And with my dad's video projector, I can show you the graph i made of predictable weather patterns Over the next three months.
Ohh I also printed out the results on my color printer.
Here you are, miss choksondik.
Very, very good, token, you get a check plus.
All right! Oh, that is such bullcrap! Oh, eric, for the love of god.
No, no, see, this is the fundamental flaw With the check, check plus, check minus system.
The only reason token was able to do all that Is because his family is rich.
My family isn't rich.
Oh, come on, token your new house is Four times the size of anyone else's in town.
And who else gets crab cakes and lobster tail In their lunch boxes? Your family is rich, dude.
But i- Let's just see where token's clothes come from, shall we? Ooh,armani exchange.
Armani exchange! All the rest of us have to buy our clothes atj-Mart.
Have you ever even been inside a j-Mart, token?! I didn't think so.
Yeah, dude, your family's so rich They have their own pool table.
Yeah, and their own sprinkler system.
You don't think you're rich? Hello, token, how was school today? Mom, dad, why do we have a bigger house Than everybody else in south park? Well, because we have more money, son.
I know, but why? Well, because we went to graduate school And therefore have more lucrative jobs Than most people in town.
For instance, your mother is a chemist For a pharmaceutical company, Whereas your friend eric cartman's mother Is a crack whore.
One pays more than the other.
Why, sweetie, what's the matter? All the kids at school today Made fun of me because i'm rich.
Oh.
I don't wanna be rich anymore.
I want to eat macaroni and cheese for dinner And wear clothes from j-Mart.
J- Mart?! Son, you don't know what you're saying.
I just wanna be like all the other kids in south park.
Please, mom and dad, please! You sure you want to do this, son? I'm sure.
Hmm Where's the valet? He must be parking someone else's car.
Ah, here we go.
Take good care of it, please.
Here's $20.
Ho! They've activated some kind of alien blinding device.
That's not a blinding device, dad, It's fluorescent lighting.
Oh.
Excuse me, where would we find Young men's fashion apparel? Aisle 6, next to the pretzels.
Next to the? Come on! Hey, look, these pants are only five bucks apiece.
They must really suck.
What do you think? What, what brand are they? It doesn't matter, mom.
They're poor people pants.
Hey, uh, sharon.
Isn't that the williamses? Huh? Oh, yeah it is.
What are they doing here? They can afford to shop atcherry creek.
You see that, sheila, The williamses are shopping here.
I don't get it.
He must pull in at least 200,000 a year.
Son, can you just hurry it up? I don't think we quite fit in here.
Ooh, looks like you landed on park avenue, stan.
You owe me $10 million.
Hey, guys.
Oh, hey, dude, did you bring the movie? I sure did.
Hey, you changed your clothes, token.
Yeah well, y'know, i did a little shopping at j-Mart.
All right, well, let's just watch "the lion king".
Cartman's cheating anyways.
Here you go.
What's that? It's a d.
V.
D.
Of the lion king.
D.
V.
D.
? We don't own a d.
V.
D.
Player.
Yeah, dude, nobody does, they're too expensive.
Not too expensive for token's rich-Ass family apparently.
Don't you have a v.
H.
S.
Of it? I only have this.
Oh, well, let me take this disk up to the "enterprise" And see if "captain kirk" can decrypt it.
What's a v.
H.
S.
? Oh, jesus, dude.
Come on, guys, We'll just have to find other stuff to do.
Heh, "what's a v.
H.
S.
?" ? Why can't i be like all the other kids? ? They all have three-Bedroom homes? ? Broken trucks on their lawns? ? And cut up hot dogs for lunch? ? It's not my fault my parents succeed so much? ? There's no one in town i can relate to? ? I play with autographed baseball bats? ? While everyone else just plays with sticks and pine cones? ? Has a boy ever felt so alone? ? Well who needs them anyway? ? I won't pretend i'm something i'm not? ? If i can't be poor? ? I've got to deal with what i've got? ? If i can't be like them? ? What i need is more rich kids around? ? So i'm not the only one? ? And then i won't be so down? ? Please god send more rich kids? ? To my town? Ooh, look at this, honey.
A beautiful unspoiled town in the rockies.
This is just what we've been looking for.
Like aspen was Sounds nice.
We could buy hundreds of acres of land for next to nothing.
And then i could finally live like a cowboy.
Oh, will, the country would be such a nicer place To raise our kids.
Oh, kids! Yes, daddy.
How would you like to move to the colorado rockies? The mountains, daddy? Can we have horses? Oh, can we, can we, daddy? You bet! Hooray! Well, here it is, our home to be.
Oh, will, it's beautiful.
Hi, welcome to the neighborhood.
Well, thank you, young man.
We're the smiths.
Ah, a local boy.
You shall be our new playmate.
I'm frederick.
This is my sister lisa and my brother daniel.
I'm token.
Our daddy is a very famous actor.
What does your daddy do? Ah, he's a lawyer, i think.
How quaint.
Kids, why don't you go play with little token While your mother and i check out the town.
Very well, come, local boy, Show us how to play your mountain games.
All right! Thanks, god.
And this is the room where my mom and dad Keep their original van gogh painting.
Yes, yes, we have one of those, too.
In fact, we have seven of them, i believe.
You do? God, that's great! Why? I'm just so happy you guys moved into town.
You see, i used to be the only rich kid.
All the other families here are kind of low to middle income.
Why, what happened to all their money? Well, they never really had any money.
Well then, why don't their daddies just act in a movie? Well, i think that they- Sometimes children must be very firm with their daddies.
Indeed.
Like when daddy doesn't want to act in a movie Because he thinks the script is bad.
So we must plead with him.
"Please, daddy, please, it's $20 million, daddy.
" "Please, daddy, please.
" "20 million is still 12 million after taxes, daddy.
" "I want a llama, daddy, please, daddy!" "Daddy, please!" "Daddy!" And so daddy does the picture.
That's great.
$20 million great.
? I found a girl who had an innie? ? And i felt it with my jimmy? ? Playa haters try to dis me? ? 'Cause my rhymes are just too? Sorry, snoop dogg, But will smith is on line 3 for you.
Oh.
William, how are you, buddy? Great, snoop dogg, and you? Couldn't be better.
I'm just laying down some vocals for my new album.
Great, snoo-Snoo.
Listen, remember how we always talked about Wanting to buy property up in the mountains So our kids could ski and ride horses? Oh yes, the kids bug me about it all the time.
Well, i found the place, snooty roo.
It's in the rockies but totally undiscovered, Laid-Back and beautiful.
Oh, it sounds lovely! You really should come give it a look.
Jada and i would love for some friends to move here with us.
I certainly will, william.
And perhaps i'll give ol' magic and kobe bryant a call.
They've been looking for vacation properties as well.
Great! Well, listen, let me let you get back to your recording.
I'll see you soon, bye.
Bye.
All right let's take it from the top, gang.
? Shout "hell yeah" from my vehicle? ? Living is a miracle? Look, there's more ofthem moving into our town.
Y'know, oprah winfrey is building a house up on cannon, And some snoop doggy doo doo built a gigantic place on main.
Yep, there goes the neighborhood.
That's the fifth family of them that's moved here.
Seems like all of a sudden South park is being overrun bythosetypes.
Hey, what are you saying? What types? You know,thosetypes- Rich people.
Oh.
I don't take kindly to rich folk! Neither does ned.
Nope.
I remember back in the day Rich folk weren't allowed in south park.
Now they're moving here in droves! They're gonna be sending their kids to our schools And mixing them with our pure, non-Rich kids.
Oh yeah, and it won't be long Before they drive all of us poor, underachieving people Out of town with inflated real estate costs.
Damn, i hate them stupid richers.
Yeah, hey, rich guy! Hey, richie rich! Yeah, i'm talking to you, richer.
What's in the huge box, richer, Your checkbook? Yeah, how many rich people does it take To screw in a lightbulb? None! They can hire people to do it for them! Yeah, hey hey- You guys know why richers have such big garages? 'Cause they need a place for all theirporsches And boats and aircraft carriers.
Yeah, that's right, cash-Chucker.
Go have fun with your $2 million house.
I guess we showed them.
A little to the left.
That's great.
And let's put another pool over there.
Uh-Huh, good.
Token, these are oprah's nearly-Adopted children, Dominique and zizi.
Hello! Hi.
Cheerio! Ah, and these are puff daddy's kids- P.
Diddy mini, p.
Poofy bite-Size And puffa diddy diddy puff pun size.
Wow, my plan to get rich people here sure did work.
Hey, i got a great idea! Let's all pack some lunches and go sledding.
Oh no, we're going shopping.
Shopping! Shopping! Yes, come, token.
We're all going to head down to the mall And buy some of the stores.
Oh, all right then.
Excuse me, can we get a couple beers over here? They've got nice expensive beers for you across the street At the new wolfgang puck's.
That's all right, we just want some nice cheap beer tonight.
Maybe you didn't see the sign out front.
This bar is for people living below their means only.
Yeah! Yeah! This is a free country.
I can have a drink wherever i want.
Come on, kobe, let's just go.
This ain't over, this ain't over by a long shot.
Oh, those richers are getting snooty.
We've got to show these richers That they aren't welcome here.
What do you mean? How about tonight we sneak up to one of their houses, And right on their lawn, We'll set fire to a big lower case "t".
Lower case "t"? Yeah for "time to leave".
Yeah! Yeah! Jimbo, you take some folk And build a big, wooden lower case "t".
I'll take the rest and get some gas and torches ready.
All right! All right! "T"? T- Time to leave? "T" is for time to leave, cash-Chucker! I'm calling the police.
I think we scared him.
Yeah, next house we'll do a capital "t", To show them wereally mean business! Yeah! Yeah! Now, token, polo is very simple.
You simply must hit the "williets" into "somesilion"? With your "fragamenth".
Well yeah, but can't we just play Without wearing these uncomfortable uniforms? Can't we play without the uniforms? Yes, and let's eat caviar without belinis as well.
Now come, token, and remember, It doesn't matter who wins.
It the matter who wins three times in a row.
Tallyho! Tallyho! Tallyho! Hooray! Go frederick, it's wonderful! What in the hell are they doing? Is that fun? I don't know, we don't have horses so we can't play.
Well, let's just play our game then.
All right.
I'll start.
I'll kick you in the nuts, kenny! Ooh! I'll kick you in the nuts, stan! I'll kick you in the nuts, cartman.
Ow! You see, you must pay attention, token.
I was able to "jollyrow" your "davishmere" With a "forecastle".
This game is too confusing.
How about we have a snowball fight? A "snowball" fight? How barbaric.
Yes, token, if you want to play such savage games I suggest you go live with lions.
I don't fit in anywhere.
Oh boy, we're going to the zoo.
We can eat jellopudding.
All right, this is gonna be fun kids.
We're going to the zoo.
We can eat the jello pudding and chocolate cake.
Hey, what are you doing? If you're gonna ride the bus in south park You're gonna have to sit in the front! Yeah! Yeah! That's where the first-Class seating is.
Yeah, how do you like that, richer? It's very nice actually.
Yeah, i'll bet it is.
Very, very comfy.
Uh-Huh, looks like it.
Hello, my name is token.
I don't fit in with all the kids at south park elementary So i invited a bunch of rich kids to move to town.
The problem is, i don't fit in with them either.
That's why i've come to live with you.
So if you'll have me and raise me one of your own I promise to be the best lion i can be! Ahh, yeah.
? Shovel that snow, baby? ? It's all nice heavy and wet? ? Just-? ? We shall persevere? ? We shall persevere? You there, come march with us.
For what? All the poor people in town think they can persecute And harass us decent rich folk.
So we're uniting and marching on the town square.
The million millionaire march! Yeah! Yeah! Come on, brother.
But i'm not rich.
What? I'm just a school cafeteria chef.
I don't make much money.
We'll give you $100.
Ooh, fudge the snow now.
? I shall persevere? ? We shall persevere? Errr! Yum yum.
Look at the little black lion, mommy.
He's cute, isn't he? Roar! What are you doing here, boy? You, you talked.
I understood you.
I must be becoming a lion.
You're not becoming a lion.
The only way you can do that is to see aslan.
Who's aslan? Very well, walk this way.
Is this the boy who's been living in our realm? Yes.
Are you aslan? I am.
Well, i'm token.
So, you want to live with the lions, do you? Yes, umm, great aslan.
I don't fit in anywhere else.
And what makes you think you'd fit in with us? Well, i don't know.
Do you like jokes? What? Jokes, you know, funny, ha ha! Us lions love jokes.
I like jokes a lot.
Hmm, then there may be hope in you yet, Young apprentice lion.
Very well, we will let you stay.
If- You can pull this thorn from my paw.
Go on, try it, pull my thorn.
Come on, pull my thorn! So can i stay? You may.
But being a lion may be harder than you think.
A million millionaires are gathering their ranks And will be marching on the town square tonight In south park to petition the end Of separate bars, bus seating and restaurants.
It looks like it will be a great turnout As some of the millionaires also paid Several thousand mexicans to march for them.
If they get that petition passed it's all over.
I guess we learned our lesson.
You can't fight rich folk, they're just too powerful.
Now, come on, is that any way to talk? They won, garrison, They can't be scared out of town.
No we just haven't scared them the right way.
Think about it.
What scares rich people more than anything? Ghosts? Bingo.
Rich people won't want to live in south park If they think it's haunted.
Yeah! Yeah! Everyone get some sheets from home.
If we can't chase the richers out, We'll spook 'em out! Yeah! Let's go! Aslan.
Yes, what is it, young lion apprentice? I think i'm gonna go home now.
Home? But i thought your friends made fun of you at home.
They do, but i guess i learned something today.
You see, even though kids at south park make fun of me I still like hanging around them More than snobby rich kids or lions.
Even though i may be different from them I still like my old friends best.
It sounds like you've learned much, Young lion apprentice.
Very well.
But before you go Perhaps you would like a stick of gum? No thanks.
Go on, it's spearmint.
No, because there's a spring in there.
And if i pull the gum out it's gonna hurt my finger.
Ohh, so you don't want any gum then? Are you sure? Go on, try it! Ow.
Oh, that is good stuff! Jesus, lions suck.
And so it is with great determination That us decent rich americans have gathered to say We will be separated no more.
Hooray! Hooray! This certainly has been an enlightening evening.
And as mayor i accept your petition And will abolish all separation laws.
Yeah! Yeah! And i want to assure the nation that is watching That south park is not a town of prejudice or bigotry.
Woo woo Boo! Boo! Boo! What the? Oh god, no.
Boo! Haa! Karl, do you see what i see? Yes, martin.
I do believe this town is "hainted".
Boo! Kids, go find the limo and get in! You didn't tell me this town was hainted.
I didn't know! I! Didn't! Know! It's working.
They're scared to death.
Pack up your things quickly, We gotta get out of here.
Boo! Oh, hey, there's token.
Hey, guys.
Dude, we're gonna play football, you wanna play? You mean you want me around? Sure, dude, you're our friend.
Yeah, i know.
But you guys always rip on me for being rich.
Dude, just because we rip on you for being rich Doesn't mean we don't like you.
Yeah, we're guys, dude.
We find something about all our friends to rip on.
We made fun of you for being rich Just like we make fun of butters for being wimpy.
They sure do.
Yeah, like we rip on kyle for being a jew.
Right.
That's right, huh? And stan for being in love with wendy.
Yeah, i get it for that.
And cartman for being fat.
Uh-Huh.
And cartman for being stupid.
And cartman for having a whore for a mom.
Hey.
And cartman for being a sadistic asshole.
Hey, you did me already! You're right, guys.
For now on, i'm fine with being made fun of for being rich.
Oh, but we're not gonna rip on you for being rich anymore.
You're not? No, dude, because since you got your feelings so hurt For being ripped on, now we think you're a pussy.
Yeah, so now you're a pussy- Pussaholic.
Come on, token, we're gonna play football, you puss.
Pussy! Yeah, what a puss.
Yeah, that guy's a pussy.
Wait, i like being ripped on for being rich better! That was it.
We just saw the last of 'em speeding away in a van.
All right! All right! They were so scared, i'm sure they'll never be back.
That's great! Now we can sell all their homes and become millionaires! What? But then you had us do all that for nothing.
Don't you see? If you get rich selling these homes Then there will still be rich people in south park.
Yeah, you'd become what you hate.
Well yeah, but at least i got rid of all those damn ni- comedy central Captioned by soundwriters™