Queer as Folk s05e13 Episode Script

SONG: # One, two, three, four, five, six, take it down! SONG: # One, two, three, four, five, six, take it down! 'CUE THE PULSE TO BEGIN' PLAYS 'CUE THE PULSE TO BEGIN' PLAYS # Cue the pulse to begin # Cue the pulse to begin # Cue the pulse to begin # Cue the pulse to begin # Cue the pulse to begin # Cue the pulse to begin # Cue the pulse to begin.
# # Cue the pulse to begin.
# MICHAEL: They say that change is good for you, MICHAEL: They say that change is good for you, that it keeps you on your toes.
that it keeps you on your toes.
Well, if that's true, I should be a fucking ballerina.
Well, if that's true, I should be a fucking ballerina.
Who'd have believed that Babylon would be a bombed-out memory? Who'd have believed that Babylon would be a bombed-out memory? Or that Mel and Linz would be moving to Canada? Or that Mel and Linz would be moving to Canada? Or that Ted would at last find true love? Or that Ted would at last find true love? Or that (Stammers, laughs) Or that (Stammers, laughs) I can barely even say it, but I'll try.
I can barely even say it, but I'll try.
.
.
that Mr Brian Kinney would ask Mr Justin Taylor .
.
that Mr Brian Kinney would ask Mr Justin Taylor for his hand in marriage? for his hand in marriage? (Laughs) Holy shit! (Laughs) Holy shit! Holy shit.
Holy shit.
What? What? You look Mmm! You look Mmm! Good? Good? Bad? Bad? Laughable? Laughable? Beautiful.
Beautiful.
I do? I do? It's not a question.
It's not a question.
It's a declaration.
It's a declaration.
So try and be more emphatic So try and be more emphatic when the minister asks you if you want to go through with this.
when the minister asks you if you want to go through with this.
(Emphatically) I do.
(Emphatically) I do.
Meanwhile, over at our house, things were pretty much the same, Meanwhile, over at our house, things were pretty much the same, which, after nearly getting blown up, was fine by me.
which, after nearly getting blown up, was fine by me.
OK.
The difference between Greek, Elizabethan and modern tragedy.
OK.
The difference between Greek, Elizabethan and modern tragedy.
You're allowed one phone call.
Hush! You're allowed one phone call.
Hush! PHONE RINGS I'll get it.
PHONE RINGS I'll get it.
Anything to avoid studying.
Anything to avoid studying.
Hello? Hello? How's he doing? How's he doing? Oh, he's got a lot of catching up to do, but I'm hopeful.
Oh, he's got a lot of catching up to do, but I'm hopeful.
Here.
Look at this.
Here.
Look at this.
Michael, it's for you.
Michael, it's for you.
(Laughs) Hello? (Laughs) Hello? Yes, this is himhe.
Yes, this is himhe.
Um, I'm sorry.
We're a little short this month.
Um, I'm sorry.
We're a little short this month.
Oh.
Really? Oh.
Really? Well, I'dI'd be happy to.
You can count on it.
Well, I'dI'd be happy to.
You can count on it.
My pleasure.
My pleasure.
Who Who That was the Committee for Human Rights.
That was the Committee for Human Rights.
Oh, I hope you told them we already gave.
Oh, I hope you told them we already gave.
I did, but they didn't want money.
I did, but they didn't want money.
Then what did they want? Then what did they want? Me.
Me.
(Whistles) (Whistles) Hey, Em.
Mind if I saddle up beside you? Hey, Em.
Mind if I saddle up beside you? So, how's it going? So, how's it going? What, do you have laryngitis? Get your wisdom teeth extracted? What, do you have laryngitis? Get your wisdom teeth extracted? No, don't tell me - you've become a nun, you've taken an oath of silence.
No, don't tell me - you've become a nun, you've taken an oath of silence.
Yeah.
I'm Sister Mary Go-Fuck-Yourself.
Yeah.
I'm Sister Mary Go-Fuck-Yourself.
You know, I haven't seen or heard from you in days, You know, I haven't seen or heard from you in days, except for an EMAIL cancelling your birthday dinner.
except for an EMAIL cancelling your birthday dinner.
Tad insisted on taking me to Mount Flame for Gay Ski Week, Tad insisted on taking me to Mount Flame for Gay Ski Week, just the two of us.
just the two of us.
Now, isn't that adorable? Precious.
Now, isn't that adorable? Precious.
Hey, got to keep my thighs in shape.
Hey, got to keep my thighs in shape.
And I don't mean just for the slopes.
(Laughs) And I don't mean just for the slopes.
(Laughs) (Switches off machine) Why'd you do that? (Switches off machine) Why'd you do that? How long have you known Tad? How long have you known Tad? Three weeks.
Three weeks.
And you decided to cancel your plans And you decided to cancel your plans to be with your friends on your birthday to be with your friends on your birthday in order to be with him? in order to be with him? I need to do some pec deck.
Those lycra ski suits are unforgiving.
I need to do some pec deck.
Those lycra ski suits are unforgiving.
Teddy.
I don't want to talk about it.
Teddy.
I don't want to talk about it.
You're just feeling jealous You're just feeling jealous because I've finally found the love of my life.
because I've finally found the love of my life.
(Emphatically) No, I am not jealous.
(Emphatically) No, I am not jealous.
Nothing would make me happier than if you found the love of your life, Nothing would make me happier than if you found the love of your life, but to allow someone you have known less than a month to isolate you but to allow someone you have known less than a month to isolate you He is not isolating me.
I want to be with him.
He is not isolating me.
I want to be with him.
And I resent you accusing him Hi, sweetheart.
And I resent you accusing him Hi, sweetheart.
Oh, hey.
How's my baby? Yeah, good.
Oh, hey.
How's my baby? Yeah, good.
I just passed Sport Chalet.
They're having a sale.
I just passed Sport Chalet.
They're having a sale.
We should check it out for the trip.
We should check it out for the trip.
Oh, hi, Em.
Oh, hi, Em.
Hello, Tad.
Hello, Tad.
"Your wife doesn't need to know.
"Your wife doesn't need to know.
"Neither does your girlfriend.
" "Neither does your girlfriend.
" Our research indicates Our research indicates that the primary demo for your new erectile dysfunction medication that the primary demo for your new erectile dysfunction medication is men between the ages of 45 and 75, is men between the ages of 45 and 75, with a couple of gents in their hundreds expressing keen interest.
with a couple of gents in their hundreds expressing keen interest.
And there was also another group not to be overlooked.
And there was also another group not to be overlooked.
"Your wife doesn't need to know, and neither does your boyfriend.
" "Your wife doesn't need to know, and neither does your boyfriend.
" I find this crude, offensive and sophomoric.
I find this crude, offensive and sophomoric.
More like 'American Pie' for seniors More like 'American Pie' for seniors than an ad offering hope than an ad offering hope for millions suffering from a serious medical problem.
for millions suffering from a serious medical problem.
I have to say I agree with Ms Dixon.
I have to say I agree with Ms Dixon.
I want to see a happily married couple I want to see a happily married couple .
.
flecks of grey in their hair, embracing in front of a warm fire, .
.
flecks of grey in their hair, embracing in front of a warm fire, with copy that reads "Rekindle the flame" with copy that reads "Rekindle the flame" .
.
not some dirty joke.
.
.
not some dirty joke.
These are conservative times we're living in, Brian.
These are conservative times we're living in, Brian.
Sex no longer sells.
Sex no longer sells.
I keep picturing that famous photograph I keep picturing that famous photograph of immigrants arriving on Ellis Island.
of immigrants arriving on Ellis Island.
They give you a new name They give you a new name because they can't pronounce the one you've got.
because they can't pronounce the one you've got.
Peterson? Peterson? You move into a one-room apartment, You move into a one-room apartment, start taking in laundry and speaking English with a Yiddish accent.
start taking in laundry and speaking English with a Yiddish accent.
(Melanie laughs) Hey, honey.
It's Toronto, not the Lower East Side.
(Melanie laughs) Hey, honey.
It's Toronto, not the Lower East Side.
My cousin Jeannie said My cousin Jeannie said there's a house to rent down the street from her there's a house to rent down the street from her with a Starbucks and a Gap on the corner.
with a Starbucks and a Gap on the corner.
Our future's secure.
(Laughs) Our future's secure.
(Laughs) Yours too.
Yours too.
Oh, it'll be strange not coming overseeing you and Gus and Jenny.
Oh, it'll be strange not coming overseeing you and Gus and Jenny.
I know.
You can visit us.
I know.
You can visit us.
You'll always have somewhere to stay.
You'll always have somewhere to stay.
If you ever pack your bags and leave.
Mel! If you ever pack your bags and leave.
Mel! It was a joke.
(Laughs) It was a joke.
(Laughs) I know you and Brian will be happy.
I know you and Brian will be happy.
We all will be.
We all will be.
WOMAN: The polls are showing that since the bombing, WOMAN: The polls are showing that since the bombing, support for Stop Prop.
14 is up 28%.
support for Stop Prop.
14 is up 28%.
The Committee for Human Rights wants to take full advantage The Committee for Human Rights wants to take full advantage of this sudden groundswell of sympathy of this sudden groundswell of sympathy and turn it into a victory.
and turn it into a victory.
We want to show the general population that the gay community We want to show the general population that the gay community is not just the transvestites and leather daddies is not just the transvestites and leather daddies they see at the Gay Pride Parade.
they see at the Gay Pride Parade.
But for the most part, it's people like you - But for the most part, it's people like you - like them - like them - with a partner, a home, a family, with a partner, a home, a family, who were victims of this unspeakable act of violence.
who were victims of this unspeakable act of violence.
But what do I have to do with it? But what do I have to do with it? We want to introduce you at the press conference, We want to introduce you at the press conference, have you say a few words.
have you say a few words.
I-I'm not much of a public speaker.
I wouldn't know what to say.
I-I'm not much of a public speaker.
I wouldn't know what to say.
Not to worry.
Not to worry.
We have some excellent speech writers who will be your voice.
We have some excellent speech writers who will be your voice.
Just give us your body.
Just give us your body.
(All laugh) (All laugh) Well, I haven't had a proposition that tempting in a long time.
Well, I haven't had a proposition that tempting in a long time.
So you'll do it? So you'll do it? I'm all yours.
I'm all yours.
DOOR OPENS DOOR OPENS What are those? What are those? My revised ads for Remson's Instant Wood.
What do you think? My revised ads for Remson's Instant Wood.
What do you think? At that age, I thought if they're on the floor, At that age, I thought if they're on the floor, it meant they've fallen and they can't get up.
it meant they've fallen and they can't get up.
(Laughs) Which do you prefer? (Laughs) Which do you prefer? (Laughs) (Laughs) None.
None.
Just because you wouldn't watch 'Geriatrics Gone Wild' Just because you wouldn't watch 'Geriatrics Gone Wild' doesn't mean they can't do it.
doesn't mean they can't do it.
I didn't mean that.
It's not edgy.
It's not funny.
It's not sexy.
I didn't mean that.
It's not edgy.
It's not funny.
It's not sexy.
Haven't you heard? Sex is out.
Haven't you heard? Sex is out.
Who told you that? (Laughs) Who told you that? (Laughs) Now, put on your sluttiest club clothes and bring plenty of drugs, Now, put on your sluttiest club clothes and bring plenty of drugs, 'cause we're going out.
'cause we're going out.
I was thinking we'd spend a nice, quiet evening at home.
I was thinking we'd spend a nice, quiet evening at home.
(Laughs) (Laughs) MAN: Hey, here he is! (All cheer, applaud) MAN: Hey, here he is! (All cheer, applaud) What the fuck's this? What the fuck's this? It's the end of your life as you know it.
It's the end of your life as you know it.
Your farewell appearance.
Kinney's last stand.
Your farewell appearance.
Kinney's last stand.
Welcome to that quaint heterosexual male tradition Welcome to that quaint heterosexual male tradition known as the stag party, known as the stag party, with a slightly gay twist.
with a slightly gay twist.
Let's get this poor sucker a drink.
Let's get this poor sucker a drink.
Come join us.
Come join us.
No.
You hurry back.
No.
You hurry back.
Alright.
Alright.
Hey, Ringo.
MAN: Tedster.
Hey, Ringo.
MAN: Tedster.
What will it be? The usual? What will it be? The usual? Uh, make it one for my baby and one for yours truly.
Uh, make it one for my baby and one for yours truly.
I see you've hooked a hottie.
Yeah.
He's a keeper.
I see you've hooked a hottie.
Yeah.
He's a keeper.
This time it's for real.
On the house.
This time it's for real.
On the house.
Ah, aren't you generous with the boss's money? Ah, aren't you generous with the boss's money? Anything for you.
Thanks, Ringo.
Anything for you.
Thanks, Ringo.
(Laughs) You're the best.
(Laughs) You're the best.
Hey, Teddy.
Hey, Teddy.
Em.
Em.
I just want to say I'm sorry for what I said about Tad.
I just want to say I'm sorry for what I said about Tad.
If you love him, I'm sure he must be a wonderful person, If you love him, I'm sure he must be a wonderful person, 'cause YOU'RE a wonderful person.
'cause YOU'RE a wonderful person.
And if you want to know the truth, uhI am jealous.
And if you want to know the truth, uhI am jealous.
But not because you have him.
But not because you have him.
Because he has you.
Because he has you.
(Laughs) You still have me.
(Laughs) You still have me.
Got to bring this over.
Got to bring this over.
Cranberry and soda pour toi and cranberry and soda pour moi.
Cranberry and soda pour toi and cranberry and soda pour moi.
You can shove them both up your ass! You can shove them both up your ass! Tad! Tad! Tad, would you stop?! What's wrong? What happened? Tad, would you stop?! What's wrong? What happened? How could you do that, right in front of me? Like I was invisible? How could you do that, right in front of me? Like I was invisible? Do what? You know perfectly well.
Do what? You know perfectly well.
I really don't.
You want a list? I really don't.
You want a list? How about coming on to that bartender? How about coming on to that bartender? (Laughs) Ringo?! I wasn't coming on to him.
(Laughs) Ringo?! I wasn't coming on to him.
I was telling him about you, and he was congratulating me.
I was telling him about you, and he was congratulating me.
(Stammers) He gave us free drinks.
Uh-huh.
(Stammers) He gave us free drinks.
Uh-huh.
And what about your beloved Emmett? I thought you said that was over.
And what about your beloved Emmett? I thought you said that was over.
It IS over.
Emmett is a friend.
That's all.
It IS over.
Emmett is a friend.
That's all.
Oh, really? Well, it looked like more than that to me.
Oh, really? Well, it looked like more than that to me.
Whatever you think it looked like, I was socialising - nothing more.
Whatever you think it looked like, I was socialising - nothing more.
(Shouts) You can call it whatever you want! I call it being a slut! (Shouts) You can call it whatever you want! I call it being a slut! Excuse me?! You heard what I said.
Excuse me?! You heard what I said.
I won't put up with that, OK? I won't put up with that, OK? I shouldn't have gotten involved with you in the first place.
I shouldn't have gotten involved with you in the first place.
Why don't you go back to your friends? Why don't you go back to your friends? I never want to see you again.
Fuck you! I never want to see you again.
Fuck you! (Tad closes door) (Tad closes door) MICHAEL: Can I have your attention, please? MICHAEL: Can I have your attention, please? I would like to offer a toast in memory of Brian Kinney - I would like to offer a toast in memory of Brian Kinney - outgoing, friendly, some say, to a fault.
outgoing, friendly, some say, to a fault.
He never met a man he didn't like.
(All laugh) He never met a man he didn't like.
(All laugh) In his younger days, Brian dreamed of being a lawyer.
In his younger days, Brian dreamed of being a lawyer.
He said, "I want to get innocent men off.
" He said, "I want to get innocent men off.
" (All laugh) (All laugh) "I'll go to any length to get to the bottom of things.
" "I'll go to any length to get to the bottom of things.
" (All laugh) (All laugh) Later on in life, he devoted himself to volunteer work.
It's true.
Later on in life, he devoted himself to volunteer work.
It's true.
If he heard that someone was laid up or flat on his back, If he heard that someone was laid up or flat on his back, he'd come, time and time again, until they felt better.
he'd come, time and time again, until they felt better.
(All laugh) (All laugh) So, now that he's gone, I'm sure that there's not a man in this room So, now that he's gone, I'm sure that there's not a man in this room who wouldn't agree that he has left a hole that can never be filled.
who wouldn't agree that he has left a hole that can never be filled.
(All laugh) (All laugh) Here's to Brian.
ALL: To Brian! Here's to Brian.
ALL: To Brian! Whoo! (Speaks indistinctly) Whoo! (Speaks indistinctly) Whoo-hoo! Whoo! Whoo-hoo! Whoo! Ah, look out.
Ah, look out.
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
Go for it, Brian.
Oh, I just want to smack it! Go for it, Brian.
Oh, I just want to smack it! No tan lines.
No tan lines.
(All whoop, whistle) (All whoop, whistle) OK.
Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
OK.
Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
The prisoner respectfully chooses not to partake of his last meal The prisoner respectfully chooses not to partake of his last meal (All murmur disappointedly) (All murmur disappointedly) .
.
but to be led instead to the gallows a hungry but happy man.
.
.
but to be led instead to the gallows a hungry but happy man.
Go on.
Have a little fun.
Go on.
Have a little fun.
It ain't so little.
It ain't so little.
No, seriously.
You have my permission.
No, seriously.
You have my permission.
I'm content to take my winnings and go home.
I'm content to take my winnings and go home.
You go for it, Emmy-Lou.
You go for it, Emmy-Lou.
No.
I (Laughs) No.
I (Laughs) OK.
(All laugh) OK.
(All laugh) BEN: Come on, tiger! (Men whoop) BEN: Come on, tiger! (Men whoop) Now, remember - when the bald dyke minister says Now, remember - when the bald dyke minister says (Speaks in scary voice) "May I have the rings, please?" (Speaks in scary voice) "May I have the rings, please?" that's when you bring the rings to Daddy, OK? that's when you bring the rings to Daddy, OK? OK.
OK.
Now, let's practise.
You go stand over there.
Now, let's practise.
You go stand over there.
You ready? Yes.
You ready? Yes.
(Speaks in scary voice) "May I have the rings, please?" (Speaks in scary voice) "May I have the rings, please?" (Giggles) (Laughs) (Giggles) (Laughs) Good boy! Good boy! You get a kiss for that.
You get a kiss for that.
Better late than never.
You finally grew a heart.
Better late than never.
You finally grew a heart.
Well, maybe you'll have the same luck growing a penis.
Well, maybe you'll have the same luck growing a penis.
OK, big guy.
OK, big guy.
Time for your nap.
No.
We didn't play yet.
Time for your nap.
No.
We didn't play yet.
You'll see Daddy later.
(Squeals) You'll see Daddy later.
(Squeals) 'Bye.
Bye-bye (Speaks indistinctly) 'Bye.
Bye-bye (Speaks indistinctly) Uh-uh, buddy boy.
No! (Laughs) I want to Uh-uh, buddy boy.
No! (Laughs) I want to (Clears throat) (Clears throat) I want you to know that despite our past grievances I want you to know that despite our past grievances Oh, Christ.
Oh, Christ.
Can't you dykes just leave the country forever Can't you dykes just leave the country forever without making a big deal out of it? without making a big deal out of it? We'll try our best.
We'll try our best.
But before we do, But before we do, I want to wish you and Justin all the happiness on earth.
I want to wish you and Justin all the happiness on earth.
I mean that.
I mean that.
And I want you to know And I want you to know that I'm glad you're going to be here for the wedding.
that I'm glad you're going to be here for the wedding.
I mean that too.
Why, thank youBrian.
I mean that too.
Why, thank youBrian.
It would've really fucked up Justin's seating arrangement.
It would've really fucked up Justin's seating arrangement.
(Laughs) (Laughs) There's Justin's gift to us - a going-away present.
There's Justin's gift to us - a going-away present.
I feel like Gertrude Stein.
You're not that heavy.
I feel like Gertrude Stein.
You're not that heavy.
Yet.
Yet.
No, I mean, it's like having a Picasso before he becomes Picasso.
No, I mean, it's like having a Picasso before he becomes Picasso.
He really is good, isn't he? Oh, better than good.
He really is good, isn't he? Oh, better than good.
That's why you'd better be good to him.
That's why you'd better be good to him.
Considering what he's sacrificing to be with you.
Considering what he's sacrificing to be with you.
My son Michael's press conference My son Michael's press conference Hamburger, medium fruit, instead of fries.
Hamburger, medium fruit, instead of fries.
.
.
Tuesday at 2:30.
Chicken caesar.
Don't forget.
.
.
Tuesday at 2:30.
Chicken caesar.
Don't forget.
Dressing's on the side, honey.
Dressing's on the side, honey.
What you studying? The Tudor monarchs.
What you studying? The Tudor monarchs.
I fucking loved English history! I fucking loved English history! Go ahead.
Ask me a question.
Go ahead.
Ask me a question.
The wives of Henry VIII, in order.
Easy.
The wives of Henry VIII, in order.
Easy.
Catherine of Aragon, Anne Boleyn, Jane Seymour, Anne of Cleves, Catherine of Aragon, Anne Boleyn, Jane Seymour, Anne of Cleves, Catherine Howard Catherine Howard Who in the hell was the last one? Catherine Park! Who in the hell was the last one? Catherine Park! Wicked.
Wicked.
Honey, if there's one thing I know about, it's queens.
Honey, if there's one thing I know about, it's queens.
BELL RINGS MAN: Deb, your order's up.
BELL RINGS MAN: Deb, your order's up.
And if I hear one more fucking ding, And if I hear one more fucking ding, his head's going to roll faster than Anne Boleyn's! his head's going to roll faster than Anne Boleyn's! Don't forget Michael's press conference - Tuesday, 2:30.
Don't forget Michael's press conference - Tuesday, 2:30.
That's when I've got my trannie support group.
That's when I've got my trannie support group.
So bring them along! So bring them along! Then he accused me of coming on to Then he accused me of coming on to practically every guy at the stag party, including you.
practically every guy at the stag party, including you.
Am I repeating myself? Am I repeating myself? I'm repeating myself, just like my Uncle Louie.
I'm repeating myself, just like my Uncle Louie.
Telling the same goddamn story over and over again.
Telling the same goddamn story over and over again.
(Contemptuously) Like the time he peed next to Bob Hope! (Contemptuously) Like the time he peed next to Bob Hope! Well, Aunt Loula always said a good story is worth retelling, Well, Aunt Loula always said a good story is worth retelling, so you go right ahead.
so you go right ahead.
He became this entirely different person - He became this entirely different person - a person I didn't even know.
a person I didn't even know.
He was so loving and sweet, He was so loving and sweet, and then he turned into this angry, suspicious and then he turned into this angry, suspicious BOTH: Punitive.
Paranoia.
BOTH: Punitive.
Paranoia.
Yeah.
It's a classic case of borderline personality disorder.
Yeah.
It's a classic case of borderline personality disorder.
How could I have not seen it coming? Because you didn't want to.
How could I have not seen it coming? Because you didn't want to.
You wanted to be in love.
Who doesn't? You wanted to be in love.
Who doesn't? So stop beating yourself up.
So stop beating yourself up.
Just be glad it's over - Just be glad it's over - that you found out before he locked you in your room, that you found out before he locked you in your room, tied you to your bed and fed you your dead parakeet.
tied you to your bed and fed you your dead parakeet.
(Both laugh) (Both laugh) Yeah, I suppose.
Yeah, I suppose.
The right guy will come along, Teddy.
The right guy will come along, Teddy.
You'll see.
You'll see.
Shake? Shake? Right this way, gentlemen.
Right this way, gentlemen.
Oh, uh, I was planning on wearing this suit to the wedding Oh, uh, I was planning on wearing this suit to the wedding but with a different tie.
but with a different tie.
What do you think? What, are you TRYING to upstage me? What do you think? What, are you TRYING to upstage me? (Laughs) I just want to look my best.
(Laughs) I just want to look my best.
It doesn't matter to me if you're naked, It doesn't matter to me if you're naked, as long as you're there to give me away.
as long as you're there to give me away.
Oh, well, in that case, maybe I should wear my black leather pants.
Oh, well, in that case, maybe I should wear my black leather pants.
What, you mean the ones you wore What, you mean the ones you wore The first night we went to Babylon.
The first night we went to Babylon.
They were so tight you could barely move.
They were so tight you could barely move.
I know.
My balls were killing me.
And that shirt you were wearing I know.
My balls were killing me.
And that shirt you were wearing What was wrong with the shirt? What was wrong with the shirt? No self-respecting pimp would be caught dead in that.
No self-respecting pimp would be caught dead in that.
(Laughs) I thought I looked pretty hot.
(Laughs) I thought I looked pretty hot.
You DID look pretty hot.
You DID look pretty hot.
That night, I-I jerked off thinking about you.
That night, I-I jerked off thinking about you.
Well, what do you know? Well, what do you know? I jerked off thinking about me too.
I jerked off thinking about me too.
(Both laugh) (Both laugh) (Sighs) And who'd have thought that one day Babylon would be gone (Sighs) And who'd have thought that one day Babylon would be gone and we'd be sitting here in suits? and we'd be sitting here in suits? Talking about our wild and recklessly dressed youth.
Talking about our wild and recklessly dressed youth.
(Laughs) Pathetic, huh? (Laughs) Pathetic, huh? Inevitable.
Inevitable.
MAN: Gentlemen.
MAN: Gentlemen.
Merlot.
Uh, Pepsi.
Merlot.
Uh, Pepsi.
Uh, make that a glass of white wine.
Uh, make that a glass of white wine.
Almost ready.
How are you doing? Almost ready.
How are you doing? He's scared shitless.
(Laughs) He's scared shitless.
(Laughs) I'm fine, thank you.
I'm fine, thank you.
Just stick to your speech, and I'm sure you'll do splendidly.
Just stick to your speech, and I'm sure you'll do splendidly.
Um, excuse me.
Excuse me, honey.
Um, excuse me.
Excuse me, honey.
Sorry, sweetheart.
I think these are our seats.
Sorry, sweetheart.
I think these are our seats.
My son is speaking.
Thank you.
My son is speaking.
Thank you.
My son's speaking.
My son's speaking.
(Whispers) Who are they? His mother and her friends.
(Whispers) Who are they? His mother and her friends.
They can't sit there.
Move them to the back, out of camera range.
They can't sit there.
Move them to the back, out of camera range.
So, if you don't mind moving down, there's more room at the back.
So, if you don't mind moving down, there's more room at the back.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Is something the matter? Oh, just a little misunderstanding.
Is something the matter? Oh, just a little misunderstanding.
Those seats were already reserved.
BEN: For who? Those seats were already reserved.
BEN: For who? For couples with children, like yourselves.
For couples with children, like yourselves.
I apologise for the mix-up.
I apologise for the mix-up.
Good afternoon and welcome.
Good afternoon and welcome.
(All applaud) (All applaud) I'm Congresswoman Beth Edelstein.
I'm Congresswoman Beth Edelstein.
The Committee for Human Rights has called today's press conference The Committee for Human Rights has called today's press conference in response to the unconscionable act of violence in response to the unconscionable act of violence that took the lives of seven and critically injured dozens of others that took the lives of seven and critically injured dozens of others at a recent benefit to stop Proposition 14.
at a recent benefit to stop Proposition 14.
We express our sympathies to the families who lost their loved ones We express our sympathies to the families who lost their loved ones and vow to continue fighting for equal rights for all Americans - and vow to continue fighting for equal rights for all Americans - straight and gay.
straight and gay.
(All applaud) (All applaud) Thanks.
Thanks.
Now, I'd like you to meet Now, I'd like you to meet one of the survivors of that senseless tragedy - one of the survivors of that senseless tragedy - Michael Novotny.
Michael Novotny.
(All applaud) (All applaud) (Clears throat) (Clears throat) Thank you, Congresswoman.
Thank you, Congresswoman.
(Clears throat) "Thank you, Congresswoman.
" Oh.
(Clears throat) "Thank you, Congresswoman.
" Oh.
I-I already said that part.
(All laugh) I-I already said that part.
(All laugh) "It's an honour to stand here today, "It's an honour to stand here today, "considering a few weeks ago, "considering a few weeks ago, "the doctors weren't sure I was going to make it.
"the doctors weren't sure I was going to make it.
"But I was one of the lucky ones.
I'm here.
"But I was one of the lucky ones.
I'm here.
"And as terrifying as that evening was, "And as terrifying as that evening was, "I would be there again "I would be there again "to defeat a bill that would deny rights to Americans "to defeat a bill that would deny rights to Americans "just because they're gay.
" "just because they're gay.
" (All applaud) (All applaud) "I have a loving partner, two wonderful kids, "I have a loving partner, two wonderful kids, "a home, a small business.
"a home, a small business.
"The truth is, I'm just like you.
" "The truth is, I'm just like you.
" (Audience murmurs) (Audience murmurs) Actually, that's not the truth.
Actually, that's not the truth.
Sure, in a lot of ways, I AM just like you.
Sure, in a lot of ways, I AM just like you.
I want to be happy, I want to be happy, I want some security, a little extra money in my pocket, I want some security, a little extra money in my pocket, but in many ways, my life is nothing like yours.
but in many ways, my life is nothing like yours.
Why should it be? Why should it be? Do we all have to have the same lives to have the same rights? Do we all have to have the same lives to have the same rights? I mean, I thought that diversity was what this country was all about.
I mean, I thought that diversity was what this country was all about.
Like, in the gay community, we have drag queens and leather daddies Like, in the gay community, we have drag queens and leather daddies and trannies and couples with children - and trannies and couples with children - every colour of the rainbow.
every colour of the rainbow.
My mother is standing way in the back with some friends.
My mother is standing way in the back with some friends.
(Audience murmurs) MY friends.
(Audience murmurs) MY friends.
She once told me that people are like snowflakes - She once told me that people are like snowflakes - every one special and unique, every one special and unique, and in the morning, you have to shovel them off the driveway.
and in the morning, you have to shovel them off the driveway.
(All laugh) (All laugh) But being different is what makes us all the same.
But being different is what makes us all the same.
That's what makes us That's what makes us .
.
family.
.
.
family.
MAN: Yeah.
Hear, hear.
(All applaud, cheer) MAN: Yeah.
Hear, hear.
(All applaud, cheer) MAN: Yeah! Well said! MAN: Yeah! Well said! KNOCK AT DOOR KNOCK AT DOOR Guess what? Guess what? I called the lodge in Mount Flame and got us an upgrade, I called the lodge in Mount Flame and got us an upgrade, one of their deluxe suites on the club floor - one of their deluxe suites on the club floor - a fireplace, terrace with a jacuzzi.
a fireplace, terrace with a jacuzzi.
What are you doing here? What do you mean? What are you doing here? What do you mean? I mean, after that little character assassination you performed on me.
I mean, after that little character assassination you performed on me.
I thought I'd never see you again.
Oh, let's just forget about that.
I thought I'd never see you again.
Oh, let's just forget about that.
I don't want to forget about that.
I don't want to forget about that.
I told you I had a few flaws, didn't I? I told you I had a few flaws, didn't I? That's more than a flaw.
That's a serious malfunction.
That's more than a flaw.
That's a serious malfunction.
Well, I justsometimes I just get a little jealous, that's all.
Well, I justsometimes I just get a little jealous, that's all.
That's all? That's all? Yeah, but it's only because I love you.
Yeah, but it's only because I love you.
And you love me.
You know you do.
And you love me.
You know you do.
I love the person I thought I knew.
I love the person I thought I knew.
I'm still the same person.
I'm still the same person.
Well, I'm not.
Well, I'm not.
NowI want you to go.
NowI want you to go.
I'm not going anywhere.
Look, I'm asking you to leave.
I'm not going anywhere.
Look, I'm asking you to leave.
Ted, you'll get over this.
I already have.
Ted, you'll get over this.
I already have.
So if you don't mind, I've had a really long day.
So if you don't mind, I've had a really long day.
(Slams door closed) (Slams door closed) No, I'm not going anywhere.
No, I'm not going anywhere.
You can't get rid of me.
You can't get rid of me.
Look, don't make me force you.
Let go! Look, don't make me force you.
Let go! Then, leave.
Now! Then, leave.
Now! I can't believe you're doing this! I trusted you, I loved you.
I can't believe you're doing this! I trusted you, I loved you.
I thought you were a good person.
I thought you were a good person.
I AM a good person! No, you're shit! I AM a good person! No, you're shit! Who the fuck do you think you are, treating me like this?! Who the fuck do you think you are, treating me like this?! Wh No! No! I said I want you out.
Wh No! No! I said I want you out.
I said I want you out! I said I want you out! Ted! Get the fuck out! Ted! Get the fuck out! Ted! (Knocks on door) Ted! (Knocks on door) Open the door.
Open the door.
(Knocks on door) Ted? (Knocks on door) Ted? (Knocks softly, sobs) Ted.
Ted! (Knocks softly, sobs) Ted.
Ted! (Begs) Ted, please.
Open the door.
(Begs) Ted, please.
Open the door.
Ted? Ted? I had a dream last night that we were in our new house.
I had a dream last night that we were in our new house.
Cooking? Gardening? Cooking? Gardening? Sitting in front of the fire? Sitting in front of the fire? (Laughs) Not exactly.
(Laughs) Not exactly.
You were riding me in the stable, diving into me in the pool, You were riding me in the stable, diving into me in the pool, slamming me on the tennis court.
slamming me on the tennis court.
Well, that gives a new meaning to 'US Open'.
Well, that gives a new meaning to 'US Open'.
I'd better start practising my serve.
I'd better start practising my serve.
Oh! Oh! Wouldn't you rather just cuddle? Wouldn't you rather just cuddle? What?! I said, wouldn't you rather just What?! I said, wouldn't you rather just No.
No, no.
I heard what you said.
You said 'cuddle'.
No.
No, no.
I heard what you said.
You said 'cuddle'.
So? So? So, I have never, ever once heard you even use that word, So, I have never, ever once heard you even use that word, much less actually want to do it.
much less actually want to do it.
OK.
So can we just turn the lights out? OK.
So can we just turn the lights out? No.
No.
(Laughs) No.
No.
(Laughs) Brian Kinney fucks, sucks, rims, rams but never 'cuddles'.
Brian Kinney fucks, sucks, rims, rams but never 'cuddles'.
OK.
So I used a word that offends your sensibilities.
OK.
So I used a word that offends your sensibilities.
Oh! Forgive me.
I apologise.
Oh! Forgive me.
I apologise.
I'll never do it again.
No.
It's more than just that.
I'll never do it again.
No.
It's more than just that.
Every day we get closer to being married, Every day we get closer to being married, the person I know gets further away.
the person I know gets further away.
I'm right here.
But it's not you.
I'm right here.
But it's not you.
It looks like you, it feels like you, but YOUyou would never (Sighs) It looks like you, it feels like you, but YOUyou would never (Sighs) .
.
go to your own stag party and not fuck every hot guy in sight.
.
.
go to your own stag party and not fuck every hot guy in sight.
You would never be more interested in gardening than getting laid.
You would never be more interested in gardening than getting laid.
I'm just trying to make you happy.
I'm just trying to make you happy.
I want you to do what makes YOU happy, not me.
I want you to do what makes YOU happy, not me.
What about you? (Sighs) What about you? (Sighs) Yes, you.
Yes, you.
Not going to New York.
Fuck me.
Not going to New York.
Fuck me.
Conquering the art world.
Fuck the art world! Conquering the art world.
Fuck the art world! Why? Why? Because you're afraid? I'm not afraid.
Because you're afraid? I'm not afraid.
Then what? I don't want it.
Then what? I don't want it.
Bullshit.
I don't.
It means nothing.
Bullshit.
I don't.
It means nothing.
Would it still mean nothing if I wasn't here? Would it still mean nothing if I wasn't here? Uhhow do you expect me to give you a rational response Uhhow do you expect me to give you a rational response when the circumstances you've presented when the circumstances you've presented are completely suppositional and, as such, have no basis in reality.
are completely suppositional and, as such, have no basis in reality.
Just answer the goddamn question! Oh, hell, no! Just answer the goddamn question! Oh, hell, no! (Sighs, mutters) (Sighs, mutters) Well, I do.
Well, I do.
I don't want to live with someone who sacrificed their life I don't want to live with someone who sacrificed their life and called it love and called it love .
.
to be with me.
.
.
to be with me.
(Sighs) Neither do I.
(Sighs) Neither do I.
DEBBIE: Ta-da! DEBBIE: Ta-da! What's that?! It's a quadruple-bypass sundae.
What's that?! It's a quadruple-bypass sundae.
Four kinds of ice-cream, four kinds of toppings, four kinds of sauce Four kinds of ice-cream, four kinds of toppings, four kinds of sauce You want to give me a heart attack? You want to give me a heart attack? It's the only thing I could think of that was sweeter than you.
It's the only thing I could think of that was sweeter than you.
Well, I guess it beats getting whopped upside the head, so Well, I guess it beats getting whopped upside the head, so Oh! Oh, Jesus, Ma! Oh! Oh, Jesus, Ma! What the hell was that for?! What the hell was that for?! That's to remind you what'll happen to you That's to remind you what'll happen to you if you ever stop being the most loving son a mother has ever had.
if you ever stop being the most loving son a mother has ever had.
Wouldn't you agree, Ben? Oh, I'd be scared not to.
Wouldn't you agree, Ben? Oh, I'd be scared not to.
(Chuckles) (Chuckles) Hey, kid! Hey, kid! Can you bring us some water? Can you bring us some water? Did you ever hear of 'please'? Did you ever hear of 'please'? Sit down.
What did I do now? Sit down.
What did I do now? We got your report card.
Oh, shit! We got your report card.
Oh, shit! You passed every subject, with Bs and Cs.
You passed every subject, with Bs and Cs.
No shit?! That's awesome, dude.
No shit?! That's awesome, dude.
That means you get to graduate with your class.
That means you get to graduate with your class.
Next step - MIT.
That's the Monongahela Institute of Typing.
Next step - MIT.
That's the Monongahela Institute of Typing.
(Laughs) What's this? (Laughs) What's this? It's a journal.
To write stuff in.
It's a journal.
To write stuff in.
'H.
N.
B.
'? 'H.
N.
B.
'? They're your initials, if you'd like them to be.
They're your initials, if you'd like them to be.
Hunter Novotny-Bruckner.
Hunter Novotny-Bruckner.
Instead of being our foster son, we'd like you to be our real son.
Instead of being our foster son, we'd like you to be our real son.
That is, if you'd like us to be your fathers.
That is, if you'd like us to be your fathers.
You mean, you want to adopt me? You mean, you want to adopt me? As soon as possible, in case Prop.
14 passes.
As soon as possible, in case Prop.
14 passes.
So, what do you say? So, what do you say? Today Michael and Ben asked me to be their son.
Today Michael and Ben asked me to be their son.
I said yes.
I said yes.
(People chat, laugh) (People chat, laugh) It's a rehearsal dinner, but what's to rehearse? It's a rehearsal dinner, but what's to rehearse? They say, "I do," then they do it.
(All laugh) They say, "I do," then they do it.
(All laugh) But what do you get the man who's had everyone? But what do you get the man who's had everyone? (All laugh) A water buffalo.
(All laugh) A water buffalo.
Why in the hell would Brian want to fuck that? Why in the hell would Brian want to fuck that? It's to help Cambodian farmers plough their fields It's to help Cambodian farmers plough their fields and provide milk for their children.
and provide milk for their children.
Well, that is so much more imaginative Well, that is so much more imaginative than another boring old sterling silver place setting from Tiffany's.
than another boring old sterling silver place setting from Tiffany's.
Justin's already gotten everything he's ever wanted.
Justin's already gotten everything he's ever wanted.
I know how he feels.
I know how he feels.
ALL: Hey! ALL: Hey! (All cheer, applaud) (All cheer, applaud) To the couple.
To the couple.
We would like to thank you all for coming to our rehearsal dinner.
We would like to thank you all for coming to our rehearsal dinner.
However, there's nothing to rehearse.
However, there's nothing to rehearse.
The wedding's off.
The wedding's off.
(All laugh hesitantly) (All laugh hesitantly) No, it's true.
(All stop laughing) No, it's true.
(All stop laughing) We decided not to get married.
We decided not to get married.
How the fuck do you return a water buffalo? How the fuck do you return a water buffalo? Based on our previous discussion, Based on our previous discussion, I came up with a campaign that's more in line with your vision.
I came up with a campaign that's more in line with your vision.
Cynthia.
Cynthia.
Now we're cooking.
Nice work, Brian.
Now we're cooking.
Nice work, Brian.
That's exactly what I had in mind - intimate, warm, romantic.
That's exactly what I had in mind - intimate, warm, romantic.
All the feelings a woman associates with lovemaking.
All the feelings a woman associates with lovemaking.
Right, Cynthia? Uh, some women.
Right, Cynthia? Uh, some women.
But there's only one problem.
But there's only one problem.
Women aren't going to be buying a little pill to make their dicks hard.
Women aren't going to be buying a little pill to make their dicks hard.
Men are.
Straight, gay, Democrat, Republican - it doesn't matter.
Men are.
Straight, gay, Democrat, Republican - it doesn't matter.
They're all paying 10 bucks a pop for the same reason.
They're all paying 10 bucks a pop for the same reason.
And trust me, Ms Dixon, it's not to rekindle the flame.
And trust me, Ms Dixon, it's not to rekindle the flame.
They want to fuck.
(Clears throat) They want to fuck.
(Clears throat) They want to shoot their loads as often as they can, They want to shoot their loads as often as they can, as hard as they can, all night long, if they can.
as hard as they can, all night long, if they can.
Not cuddle in front of the fire Not cuddle in front of the fire with some nice lady who looks like their mother.
with some nice lady who looks like their mother.
Despite your personal feelings, we want the ad.
Despite your personal feelings, we want the ad.
You can't have it.
You can't have it.
Because despite these conservative times, it's still all about sex, Because despite these conservative times, it's still all about sex, and it always will be.
and it always will be.
So I suggest that you take your business elsewhere.
So I suggest that you take your business elsewhere.
I made us a little something.
Thanks.
I am famished.
I made us a little something.
Thanks.
I am famished.
I tagged all the pieces we're going to put in storage, I tagged all the pieces we're going to put in storage, the ones we're selling and the ones we're giving away.
the ones we're selling and the ones we're giving away.
I don't suppose there's any point in keeping this old table.
I don't suppose there's any point in keeping this old table.
Christ, you're such a shiksa.
Christ, you're such a shiksa.
Why don't you just say it? You want the table.
Why don't you just say it? You want the table.
I don't.
I just thought it's a shame to I don't.
I just thought it's a shame to (Chuckles) Alright.
I want the table! (Chuckles) Alright.
I want the table! Good! Then we'll keep it.
Good! Then we'll keep it.
I keep telling myself, "It's just a house - I keep telling myself, "It's just a house - "a bunch of not very grand or even spacious rooms," "a bunch of not very grand or even spacious rooms," but everywhere I look, I see us.
but everywhere I look, I see us.
(Chuckles) Like, over there, at Gus's bris.
(Chuckles) Like, over there, at Gus's bris.
BRIAN: You two, in the kitchen.
NOW.
BRIAN: You two, in the kitchen.
NOW.
You mean his 'almost bris'.
You mean his 'almost bris'.
Or the front gate, where I proposed to you.
Or the front gate, where I proposed to you.
(Both laugh) (Both laugh) Or the time I was sitting there, and you told me Or the time I was sitting there, and you told me I'll stay until after the baby's born.
I'll stay until after the baby's born.
What? What? Nothing.
Nothing.
Just a bad memory.
Just a bad memory.
They're part of us too.
They're part of us too.
Without them Without them .
.
how do we appreciate the good ones? .
.
how do we appreciate the good ones? What do you say we make one more memory? What do you say we make one more memory? Mmm.
The glories of nature.
Mmm.
The glories of nature.
"The beautiful, for spacious skies, "The beautiful, for spacious skies, "the purple mountains majesty.
" "the purple mountains majesty.
" Don't forget "the fruited plains".
(Chuckles) Don't forget "the fruited plains".
(Chuckles) Aren't you glad you came? Mmm.
Aren't you glad you came? Mmm.
Thrilled.
Would've lost the room deposit if we hadn't.
Thrilled.
Would've lost the room deposit if we hadn't.
Well, honey, Well, honey, I know it's not exactly the romantic getaway you'd hoped for, I know it's not exactly the romantic getaway you'd hoped for, but, um, I promise you, you're going to have a fabulous birthday anyway.
but, um, I promise you, you're going to have a fabulous birthday anyway.
(Both laugh) (Both laugh) Crap! Oh, God! Crap! Oh, God! Talk about your fire hazards.
That thing's more flaming than you.
Talk about your fire hazards.
That thing's more flaming than you.
(Laughs) Jeez! (Laughs) Jeez! plus one to grow on.
plus one to grow on.
(Groans) Do you have to remind me? (Groans) Do you have to remind me? Well, it's quite an achievement, to get to be your age.
Well, it's quite an achievement, to get to be your age.
You know what I mean.
You know what I mean.
Well, hurry up and make a wish before the place burns down! Well, hurry up and make a wish before the place burns down! (Laughs) (Laughs) You know, every year, I always wish for the same thing - You know, every year, I always wish for the same thing - a boyfriend, a boyfriend, someone to love or love me.
someone to love or love me.
This year, I think I'm going to wish for something else This year, I think I'm going to wish for something else .
.
the wisdom and the maturity to realise that .
.
the wisdom and the maturity to realise that .
.
I won't find what I want by looking for it .
.
I won't find what I want by looking for it .
.
not expect someone else to give me what I never gave myself .
.
not expect someone else to give me what I never gave myself .
.
that I'm not a half, waiting to be made a whole .
.
that I'm not a half, waiting to be made a whole .
.
and even if that special person never comes along .
.
and even if that special person never comes along .
.
I'll be just fine.
.
.
I'll be just fine.
Ted? Ted? Blake?! Blake?! I thought it was you.
I thought it was you.
(Laughs) What are you doing here? (Laughs) What are you doing here? I'm on the gay ski team now.
I'm on the gay ski team now.
And it's Gay Ski Week.
Right.
And it's Gay Ski Week.
Right.
(Both laugh) (Both laugh) (Laughs) Uhyou remember Emmett.
(Laughs) Uhyou remember Emmett.
Yeah, wow.
Uh, what a surprise.
Yeah, wow.
Uh, what a surprise.
And Teddy was just about to hang up his skis.
And Teddy was just about to hang up his skis.
You ski? I'm lucky if I can walk.
You ski? I'm lucky if I can walk.
No.
We're here for my birthday.
No.
We're here for my birthday.
Uh, strictly as friends.
Uh, strictly as friends.
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Did youare you here alone? Did youare you here alone? No.
Oh.
No.
Oh.
I'm with 11 other men.
I'm with 11 other men.
(All laugh) (All laugh) Well, you know, I always preferred the one-on-one sports.
Well, you know, I always preferred the one-on-one sports.
Always found the action much more Intense.
Always found the action much more Intense.
Fulfilling.
Fulfilling.
Well, I'll, uhcatch you later.
Well, I'll, uhcatch you later.
Oh, no.
Hey, hey.
Why not now? Oh, no.
Hey, hey.
Why not now? Seriously.
Go on.
Seriously.
Go on.
That way, I can have all this yummy cake to myself.
That way, I can have all this yummy cake to myself.
Thanks, Emmett.
Thanks, Emmett.
Pardon me, but aren't you Emmett Honeycutt Pardon me, but aren't you Emmett Honeycutt of the Hazlehurst, Mississippi Honeycutts? of the Hazlehurst, Mississippi Honeycutts? Why, yes, I am.
Why, yes, I am.
And, uh, you are? And, uh, you are? Oh, my God! Oh, my God! You're Calvin Culpepper! (Chuckles) You're Calvin Culpepper! (Chuckles) You were on the boys' swim team in high school.
You were on the boys' swim team in high school.
I used to go to those meets, just hoping your trunks would slip off.
I used to go to those meets, just hoping your trunks would slip off.
Come, now! Come, now! But, uh, I always thought you were, um But, uh, I always thought you were, um So did I.
So did I.
Hmm.
Hmm.
So, uh, what do you say we go back to my room So, uh, what do you say we go back to my room and, uhreminisce about old times.
and, uhreminisce about old times.
There's not that much to reminisce about.
There's not that much to reminisce about.
I know.
I know.
(Gurgles) I love you, honey bun.
(Gurgles) I love you, honey bun.
I hope everybody peed.
(Laughs) I hope everybody peed.
(Laughs) Whenever I used to take Michael anywhere, Whenever I used to take Michael anywhere, no sooner than we'd leave the house, he'd say, "Ma, I've got to tinkle.
" no sooner than we'd leave the house, he'd say, "Ma, I've got to tinkle.
" (All laugh) (All laugh) I'd say, "What, you couldn't have done it before you left the house?" I'd say, "What, you couldn't have done it before you left the house?" Do you mind if we not relive the golden days of yesteryear? Do you mind if we not relive the golden days of yesteryear? So to speak.
So to speak.
Did you put air in the tyres? I just took it to the gas station.
Did you put air in the tyres? I just took it to the gas station.
He checked the tyres, the water, the oil, the brakes.
He checked the tyres, the water, the oil, the brakes.
Never send a fag to do a dyke's work.
Never send a fag to do a dyke's work.
And remember to call when you arrive.
And remember to call when you arrive.
Oh, how can we forget Oh, how can we forget when Michael will be calling us every five minutes to remind us? when Michael will be calling us every five minutes to remind us? (All laugh) (All laugh) (Sighs) Well, I guess it's time we (Sighs) Well, I guess it's time we Hold it.
Hold it.
I don't care where you're going, and I don't care what you're doing, I don't care where you're going, and I don't care what you're doing, but you'd better get your asses back here but you'd better get your asses back here every Thanksgiving, Christmas, Fourth of July, Hanukkah every Thanksgiving, Christmas, Fourth of July, Hanukkah and Mother's Day.
and Mother's Day.
'Cause you know how I feel about family.
'Cause you know how I feel about family.
Well, we wouldn't be one without you, Deb.
Well, we wouldn't be one without you, Deb.
(Laughs) (Laughs) (Laughs) (Laughs) Take good care of my granddaughter.
Take good care of my granddaughter.
(Both laugh) (Both laugh) I love you.
MELANIE: I'm ready to roll.
I love you.
MELANIE: I'm ready to roll.
BRIAN: Mel.
Brian.
BRIAN: Mel.
Brian.
Don't you think I'm not coming up for my granddaughter's birthday.
Don't you think I'm not coming up for my granddaughter's birthday.
So you'd better make room! So you'd better make room! You'll be alright? You'll be alright? (Imitates Elmer Fudd) Without you cwazy wesbians? (Imitates Elmer Fudd) Without you cwazy wesbians? I meant Justin.
I meant Justin.
He's a selfish prick.
He's a selfish prick.
Thinks only of himself.
Thinks only of himself.
You taught him well.
You taught him well.
(Laughs) (Laughs) I know.
I'm sorry.
I know.
I'm sorry.
No apologies.
No apologies.
No regrets.
No regrets.
Are we leaving sometime today? Are we leaving sometime today? Goodbye, son.
Goodbye, son.
(Clears throat) (Clears throat) (Softly) Be good.
(Softly) Be good.
ENGINE STARTS Bye-bye, sweetheart.
ENGINE STARTS Bye-bye, sweetheart.
Drive carefully.
Call us when you get there.
Drive carefully.
Call us when you get there.
We miss you already! MICHAEL: 'Bye.
We miss you already! MICHAEL: 'Bye.
BEN: Have fun.
See you soon.
BEN: Have fun.
See you soon.
HORN TOOTS Love you! HORN TOOTS Love you! Call us! 'Bye.
Call us! 'Bye.
'Bye.
'Bye.
When's your flight? When's your flight? I think I finally found a place to stay.
I think I finally found a place to stay.
Daphne has a friend in the East Village.
Daphne has a friend in the East Village.
Finding a work space is going to be difficult.
Finding a work space is going to be difficult.
Apparently everything costs a fortune.
Apparently everything costs a fortune.
Well, you'll manage.
You always do.
Well, you'll manage.
You always do.
I'll be back.
I'll be back.
And you'll come there.
We're going to see each other all the time.
And you'll come there.
We're going to see each other all the time.
You don't know that.
You don't know that.
Either do I.
Either do I.
Whether we see each other next weekend or next month or Whether we see each other next weekend or next month or .
.
never again, it doesn't matter.
.
.
never again, it doesn't matter.
It's only time.
It's only time.
You didn't return them? You didn't return them? I didn't return them.
I didn't return them.
(Closes box) (Closes box) We don't need rings or vows to prove that we love each other.
We don't need rings or vows to prove that we love each other.
We already know that.
We already know that.
You did it.
You did it.
Did what? Did what? Became Became .
.
the best homosexual you could possibly be.
.
.
the best homosexual you could possibly be.
DOOR UNLOCKS DOOR UNLOCKS DOOR OPENS DOOR OPENS Thought you might like some company.
Thought you might like some company.
Why are you out so late? Why are you out so late? It's barely midnight.
It's barely midnight.
In the good old days, we'd just be heading off to Babylon.
In the good old days, we'd just be heading off to Babylon.
Babylon's gone.
Babylon's gone.
So are the good old days.
So are the good old days.
Not yet.
Not yet.
DOOR CLOSES DOOR CLOSES Christ! Christ! What did you expect? What did you expect? Dancing boys, glitter falling from on high? Dancing boys, glitter falling from on high? This is where we came the night of our senior prom, This is where we came the night of our senior prom, when we dumped our dates.
when we dumped our dates.
(Chuckles) The ghastly Judy Zumholz.
(Chuckles) The ghastly Judy Zumholz.
And the equally dreadful Carol Colodny.
And the equally dreadful Carol Colodny.
We snuck in, we got stoned We snuck in, we got stoned Danced with our shirts off.
You got blown in the back room.
Danced with our shirts off.
You got blown in the back room.
This is where it all began.
This is where it all began.
(Sighs) And ended.
(Sighs) And ended.
But it's who we are.
But it's who we are.
It's what made us.
It's what made us.
Didn't you say that it's all a cheap illusion? Didn't you say that it's all a cheap illusion? That outside, life goes on, but in here, nothing ever changes? That outside, life goes on, but in here, nothing ever changes? I did say that, yes.
I did say that, yes.
But that was before I understood that some things aren't meant to change.
But that was before I understood that some things aren't meant to change.
Dance with me.
Dance with me.
(Scoffs) Why not?! (Scoffs) Why not?! Well, for one thing, there's no music.
Well, for one thing, there's no music.
Of course there is.
Can't you hear it? Of course there is.
Can't you hear it? The old thumper-thumper? The old thumper-thumper? Oh, watch it, asshole.
You want to bust your stitches? Oh, watch it, asshole.
You want to bust your stitches? I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on! Shake that groove thing.
Come on! Shake that groove thing.
YOU shake it, Mikey.
YOU shake it, Mikey.
I am too What? Old? I am too What? Old? You'll always be young.
You'll always be beautiful.
You'll always be young.
You'll always be beautiful.
You're Brian Kinney, for fuck's sake! You're Brian Kinney, for fuck's sake! So, what are they playing? So, what are they playing? Our song.
Our song.
'PROUD' BY HEATHER SMALL PLAYS 'PROUD' BY HEATHER SMALL PLAYS SONG: # I look into the window of my mind SONG: # I look into the window of my mind # Reflections of the fears I know I've left behind # Reflections of the fears I know I've left behind # I step out of the ordinary # I step out of the ordinary # I can feel my soul ascending # I can feel my soul ascending # I'm on my way Can't stop me now # I'm on my way Can't stop me now # And you can do the same # And you can do the same # What have you done today to make you feel proud? # What have you done today to make you feel proud? # It's never too late to try # It's never too late to try # What have you done today to make you feel proud? # What have you done today to make you feel proud? # Mm-mm, mm-mm # Mm-mm, mm-mm # You could be so many people # You could be so many people # If you make that break for freedom # If you make that break for freedom # What have you done today to make you feel proud? # What have you done today to make you feel proud? # I look into the window of my mind # I look into the window of my mind # Reflections of the fears I know I've left behind # Reflections of the fears I know I've left behind # I step out of the ordinary # I step out of the ordinary # I can feel my soul ascending # I can feel my soul ascending # I'm on my way Can't stop me now # I'm on my way Can't stop me now # And you can do the same, yeah # And you can do the same, yeah # What have you done today to make you feel proud? # # What have you done today to make you feel proud? # So the thumper-thumper continues.
So the thumper-thumper continues.
It always will, no matter what happens, no matter who's president.
It always will, no matter what happens, no matter who's president.
As our lady of disco, the divine Miss Gloria Gaynor, has always sung to us, As our lady of disco, the divine Miss Gloria Gaynor, has always sung to us, we will survive.
we will survive.
# Still so many answers I don't know # Still so many answers I don't know # There are so many answers # There are so many answers # Realise that to question is how we grow # Realise that to question is how we grow # To question is to grow # To question is to grow # So I step out of the ordinary # So I step out of the ordinary # I can feel my soul ascending # I can feel my soul ascending # I'm on my way Can't stop me now # I'm on my way Can't stop me now # And you can do the same, yeah # And you can do the same, yeah # What have you done today to make you feel proud? # What have you done today to make you feel proud? # Yeah, we need a change, yeah # Yeah, we need a change, yeah # Do it today, yeah # Do it today, yeah # I can feel my spirit rising # I can feel my spirit rising # Change, yeah # Change, yeah # We need a change, yeah # We need a change, yeah # So do it today, yeah # So do it today, yeah # 'Cause I can see a clear horizon # 'Cause I can see a clear horizon # What have you done today to make you feel proud? # What have you done today to make you feel proud? # To make you feel proud, yeah # To make you feel proud, yeah # Let me hear you, let me hear you Let me hear you # Let me hear you, let me hear you Let me hear you # So what have you done today to make you feel proud? # So what have you done today to make you feel proud? # Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah # Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah # 'Cause you could be so many people # 'Cause you could be so many people # If you make that break for freedom # If you make that break for freedom # So what have you done today to make you feel proud? # So what have you done today to make you feel proud? # What have you done today to make you feel proud? # What have you done today to make you feel proud? # Yeah, let me hear you What have you done today? # Yeah, let me hear you What have you done today? # What have you done today? # What have you done today? # What have you done today to make you feel proud? # What have you done today to make you feel proud? # Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah # Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah # You could be so many people # You could be so many people # Just make that break for freedom # Just make that break for freedom # So what have you done today # So what have you done today # To make you feel proud? # # To make you feel proud? # # What have you done today to make you feel proud? # What have you done today to make you feel proud? # It's never too late to try # It's never too late to try # What have you done today to make you feel proud? # What have you done today to make you feel proud? # Mm-mm, mm-mm # Mm-mm, mm-mm # Oooh You could be so many people # Oooh You could be so many people # Oooh If you make that break for freedom # Oooh If you make that break for freedom # What have you done today to make you feel proud? # # What have you done today to make you feel proud? #