Rules of Engagement s05e15 Episode Script

I feel like I accomplished everything I wanted to in publishing, and I'm ready for fresh challenges.
Oh, heads up! Hey! Not cool, Andy.
We're interviewing a lady over here.
So you two founded a company? Yeah, tug and I started it last year with the money I made selling my Ritalin.
Oh, heh.
So you don't need it anym So can you tell me a little more about what you do? Well, we, uh, created a gaming website.
Some venture capital thing just gave us, like, butt-load of seed money.
Perhaps you can buy back Barry's meds.
Yeah, well, so now we just need someone to keep things organized so that we can focus on the more important stuff.
Hey, we're gonna go drop a case of toner off the roof, bro.
Sweet.
We're gonna have to cut this short.
Uh, I don't know much about technology, but, uh, dropping things off the roof doesn't seem like a great idea.
[Exhales.]
Well, she's right, Barry.
This is the kind of thinking we need around here.
Someone with great business ideas.
Like not killing innocent pedestrians? [Whispering.]
Audrey's right again, bar.
So you're not gonna take the job? Hmm, I don't think it's for me.
Ah, you're right.
Hold out for something more to your taste.
Queen of England can't live forever.
Hello, Audrey.
Hello there, Jeff.
What are you doing here? Surprise! I've been trying to reach you, but you haven't called me back.
Oh I never got any messages.
No one's returning my calls lately.
It must be something wrong with my phone.
Only possible explanation.
So So why are you here? That's the surprise.
I live here now.
No, you don't.
I do, silly.
I took that sublet from the bertmans you told me about.
I'm gonna be right upstairs from you.
We'll be seeing each other all the time.
Yay! Uh Oh Look, Jeff.
You made me drop my panties.
Can you hand those back to me, please? Silly.
How could you let this happen? How can Liz be living above us? Look, we had lunch the other day, and I mentioned something about the bertmans wanting to sublet their place.
Audrey's mouth kills us again.
We gotta tell her to get out now before she unpacks any more of her parachute underwear.
I could never do that to Liz.
That would crush her.
Well, fine.
I'll crush her.
Go get my fish bat.
Jeff, Liz gave me my first job, okay? She considers me her best friend.
Well, congratulations.
You bet out a dozen cats and some pudding.
[Knock on door.]
Mayday, neighbors.
Can I borrow a plunger? Prewar plumbing.
Ha ha! Sure, Liz.
Happy to help.
And if you have some towels you don't care about You seem all flushed, Jeff.
Were you and Audrey making love? Hmm, let's see.
All right.
According to the delivery service website, you should receive your package tomorrow by half ten.
So Um N No.
In England, they say half ten.
Oh, well, here in America, we just say what we mean.
Take a look at the map.
Okay As you can see, from Shenyang it went to Oakland.
Then Minneapolis, and on to Fort Lee, New Fersey.
Ah, it's getting' close.
Uh, what's going on here? Hi, exploring the whereabouts of Mr.
Rhodes' package.
Yeah.
I can tell you the whereabouts of Mr.
Rhodes's package.
And I'm saying not at work.
No I I'm having a new video game overnighted.
The latest field of duty.
Ooh, heh heh.
"Doody.
" Ah, fun with homonyms.
Why don't you two homonyms wrap it up.
Hey, why don't you come by tomorrow night.
We'll break in the new game.
Oh, uh, it's very kind of you, Mr.
Rhodes, but, um, as it stands, I have other plans.
What are you doing? Well, actually, um I joined an a cappella group.
I wish you hadn't told me that, Timmy.
I'm gonna have to call homeland security.
Not an Al Qaida group.
An a cappella group.
A group of singers who perform without accompaniment.
Oh.
Okay.
But still [Whispering.]
Watch it.
Audrey? Shh, shh, shh, shh.
[Whispering indistinctly.]
What are you doing? Hiding from Liz.
She has been calling all day.
And popping by with depressing stories about her cats and her Tap dance recitals.
She tried to return the towels.
[Phone rings.]
Don't answer that.
[Ring.]
[Audrey on voicemail.]
Jeff and Audrey aren't here.
leave a message at the tone.
[Beep.]
Howdy, neighbors.
I thought I heard you talking, but I guess I was wrong.
Anyway, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't bothering anybody while I'm rehearsing.
Call me when you get in, so we can hang.
Ciao! Rehearsing? [Piano and tap dancing.]
Seriously Get my fish bat.
[Plays note on harmonica.]
raging toners One, two, three, four! All: Hyuh! crocodile rocking' is something' shocking' when your feet just can't keep still I never knew me a better time and I guess I never will oh, lordy, mama, those Friday nights pshh when Suzy wore her dresses tight the crocodile rockin' was ou-ou-out of si-I-I-ight [Falsetto.]
la la la la la la [Other singers scatting.]
la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la All: sha na na na na Rock, rock, rock, rock.
[Applause.]
How did you Adam.
Of course.
All right, sir.
Let the abuse begin.
Shall we speculate regarding the object wedged in my bottom which assists me in hitting the high notes? You Did sing pretty high.
Well, would you like to suggest that Elton john and I have more in common that just music, if I know what you mean.
You sing with dudes.
It's it's pretty lame.
Hey, uh, Timmy.
We're all gonna meet up early tomorrow for some vocal exercises.
Really wanna open up our throats and work those pipes.
All right, I gotta run.
Seriously? Throats? Pipes? Nothing? [Piano playing and tap dancing.]
[Whispering.]
Oh, no, no! She'll hear you open it.
Ahh.
[Burps.]
[Music stops.]
[Footsteps.]
Creature's on the move.
[Door shuts.]
She's coming this way.
Go.
Go.
Go, go, go, go, go, go.
My beer, my beer.
Leave it, leave it, leave it.
All right.
I am almost ready to blow away some Nazis.
The whole thing seems kind of violent to me.
Trust me, honey, The Nazis have it coming.
They were way out of line.
Still avoiding your friend Liz? Yes.
Is she really that bad? Jeff just left a full beer in our apartment.
[Gasps.]
What? That poor guy deserved better.
This looks fun.
Oh, yeah, man.
Field of duty I.
V.
Field of duty 4.
Oh.
Right.
Anyway, it's set in World War 11.
II.
It's, um Yeah, no, it's World War II.
World War IIS.
But he's really cute.
I know.
No, I was just reminding myself.
[Laughter.]
[Knock on door.]
If I may, sir Is everything okay? What's that? Oh, yeah.
No, every Yeah, everything's fine.
Why? It's just that, last night, you witnessed me singing with a group of men.
I thought for sure you would mock me to And perhaps beyond the point of tears.
Yet, here I stand, unmocked, eyes dry.
Yeah, I guess I owe you an explanation for that.
Can you, uh, shut the door? Of course.
Last night, when I saw your, uh, group The raging toners, yes.
Raging toners.
Uh, back in college, there was this super-cool, all-male singing group.
And I wanted nothing more than to be an aca-pelican.
You sang, sir? I wanted to.
Ugh, practiced for weeks.
But at the audition, I choked.
Nerves kicked in.
Throat dried up.
I could barely squeak.
How awful for you, sir.
And last night, hearing your voices blending in sweet harmony Hmm.
Weaving an all-male tapestry of song All that pain came flooding back.
I do hate to think of you living the rest of your life wondering if you'd missed out on something special.
No, there's no Netflix for what might have been.
Maybe there is.
Hmm? Sir, Gordon is leaving our group.
His antique shop is taking up more of his time than he'd anticipated.
And we're looking for a replacement.
[Sighs.]
It's There's no way I could [Long, slow inhale.]
[High-pitched.]
Could I? [Man shouting on TV.]
What are you guys doing here? Oh Liz was hovering again, and I had to get some laundry done.
Oh, you're out of beer, but in the spirit of being considerate I wrote it on your grocery list.
Okay, this is Starting to become a problem.
I know.
Who buys just a six-pack? Get a case.
What happened? I thought you were gonna talk to Liz about backing off a little bit.
Ah, she chickened out.
I didn't chicken out.
I started to talk to her, but then came the waterworks.
What, she started crying? No Her plumbing backed up again.
Don't give her anymore towels! There's nothing worse than an annoying neighbor who makes it impossible to relax in your own apartment.
[Knock on door.]
Pizza for Jeff? So Jen threw you out? Yeah, well Chuck's gonna be on her When she goes to look for her grated cheese.
You know, I just have to tell Liz the truth.
She'll understand.
My god, the stuff someone left in this dryer.
Oh, no.
This underwear.
This is her laundry.
Unless there's a pirate ship drifting around somewhere without a sail.
[Electronic humming.]
Oh, no.
What if that's her? We have nowhere to go.
We're trapped.
[Bell dings.]
Gah! [Snapping fingers and tapping.]
Audrey? Jeff? Oh! Hi, Liz.
Whatcha doing back there? Well, uh, I was Just checking out the specs on this baby.
See Audrey, I told you it was a front loader.
Oh, pfft.
You two had a dinner tonight.
You said that's why you couldn't come over and look at my slides of colonial Williamsburg.
Y Yes.
Well, uh I guess I didn't need to go to Virginia to see someone acting like Benedict Arnold.
Imagine what she did to colonial plumbing.
Hey, guys, I just, uh, want to thank, uh, you and the toners [Exhales nervously.]
For giving me this opportunity.
And lending me the blazer.
Thank you, ahem.
That's fine, sir.
Whenever you're ready.
[Blows tone on harmonica.]
oh [Blows tone.]
[Out of key.]
oh oh All right.
I messed up.
That didn't count, I just I think it's this.
[Blows tone.]
[Clearly lip-synching.]
oh, my love my darling I hunger for your touch are you still mi-I-ine I need your love I, I need your love godspeed your love to-oo-oo-oo [Falsetto.]
oo-oo-oo me Yes! Oh, um Oh, uh, sir That was exquisite.
I thought I was kind of in and out and pitchy, but thank you, thank you.
Oh, no, um Thank you, sir.
Really, and, um On behalf of the raging toners, we would Be honored To blend your golden voice with ours.
Oh, yeah, that's not gonna happen.
I'm sorry, what? Uh, you were right.
I needed to do it.
And I did it.
Feels good.
Excuse me.
But, sir, that This is absurd.
You have an incredible gift.
But I have another gift that's even more fun than singing.
And that's making fun of those who sing.
Think I'm gonna go with that one.
And, by the way, guys, can you wait till I get out of the building before you oil up and make a naked pyramid? [Laughs.]
Or, as you call it, rehearsing.
Ha ha! [Knock on door.]
Hey.
Liz, can I come in? [Laughter.]
Oh, don't sit there.
Tiffy just threw up.
[Laughter.]
Oh.
Listen, I feel I feel terrible about hurting your feelings.
You've been such a loyal friend over the years, and you deserve better.
It's okay, Audrey.
I get it.
-You do? -Yes.
I mean, Jeff comes home from work.
You haven't seen him all day.
You two value your privacy.
I've always imagined you have a Vigorous physical life together.
Well Oh.
Think I'm getting a touch of what Tiffy had, heh.
I know if Jeff were my man, I Certainly wouldn't want some footloose single gal dancing' around in tap-wear, putting' dangerous thoughts into his head.
So I'm gonna back off you two.
Uh I appreciate how understanding you're being.
You're being really great.
And besides, you and I are the ones who are friends.
Yes, we are.
And we have all day to do girl stuff, Now that you're not working.
Maybe tomorrow, we can go bathing suit shopping.
Did somebody say French cut? [Gasps.]
I take the job.
Great! What made you change your mind? Uh, my friend Liz convinced me.
Sorry.
No problem at all.
All: oh, lordy, mama those Friday nights when Suzy wore her dresses tight the crocodile rockin' was ou-ou-out of si-I-I-ight la la la la la la [Liz tapping.]
la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la All: sha la la la la