Mike & Molly s05e17 Episode Script

Previously on Mike & Molly I remember when I was a little girl working on my daddy's farm.
Oh, please don't tell me a story Let me tell you a story.
I was a meek little thing, scared of my own shadow and the sheep I had to castrate.
That's where you learned it? Just when I thought my life couldn't possibly get any worse, a city fella in a '56 Rambler pulled up to the house and asked for directions.
- Was that Mike's dad? - Hell no.
This was a real man.
Wore a three-piece suit with hard shoes and smelled like a pine forest after a spring rain.
That's very poetic, Peggy.
What he did to me wasn't poetic.
It was filthy.
And I loved it.
All right, wait, wait, wait.
Got to write it down.
Go.
Look at you, writing again.
Yeah, new story about a young girl coming of age on a hardscrabble farm at the base of the Mudlick mountains.
Mudlick? That-that's weird.
My mom grew up on a farm in Mudlick.
Oh, no! No.
Really? Come on.
Is there anything about these pages that you do like? Hold on.
Nope! Well, this is your life you're crapping on.
I just wrote it down.
You got Mudlick all wrong.
The people, the geography.
How the heck did I get from the barn dance to the car to consummate my forbidden love with Troy when it was parked up on McGrainey Hill? You ran! Okay "Fueled by a burning lust that would soon consume both of them.
" Now, that is a great line, and I'm not cutting it.
Why did I spend all that time drawing you a map of Mudlick if you're not gonna use it? Really? You want to talk about the map? Let's look at that map.
Oh, here we go.
"Home," "big tree," "crick.
" Well, if you know where two out of three of those are, you can find your way anywhere.
It's called triangulationing.
This is not a map, Peggy.
This is a taunt from a serial killer.
Okay, we have to go there.
What are you talking about? Road trip, Peggy.
We're going to Mudlick.
I'm not going back to that hellhole.
Your name can go first on the title page.
Read your contract.
I got that months ago.
Seriously? I got to stop using Vince as a lawyer.
La, la-Ba-Dee-da La, la-Ba-Dee-da For the first time in my life I see love I see love For the first time in my life I see love I have to see Mudlick for myself.
When Hemingway wrote about Paris, he walked those streets.
It's what made it authentic.
Well, Mudlick is no Paris.
Although my mom said the mayor used to wear a beret to hide the dent in his skull.
I'm surprised you got her to go.
Well, it wasn't easy.
Oh, by the way, you have to take her to church for the next six months.
Which day? She goes three times a week.
Aw, come on! Well, hey, you got off easy.
I've got to hand-wash all her bras before we leave.
Do 'em right or she'll make you do 'em again.
You know, she still has a sister down in Mudlick.
No, I didn't know that.
See, that's the kind of stuff I'm hoping to dig into when I drag her down there.
Ugh.
I'd rather wash her bras for the next hundred years.
Although that-that's me.
I got a system.
Believe me, Mudlick is not my first choice in vacation destinations.
But I think it's important for the book.
Just keep in mind, it's a long drive.
Don't let Mom drink milk or she'll get carsick.
Or listen to music, she'll get carsick.
And every 30 miles or so, you got to stop and let her run around.
Or she'll get carsick? Worse.
What's worse than getting carsick? Never mind.
Just remember, every 30 miles.
Watch your speed.
Watch your speed! I am going the limit.
What?! What is it? Did you not see that sign? You're barreling through a deer crossing.
There are no deer! Oh, really? I guess you know more than the Missouri Department of Roads.
No, I just Okay.
I'm gonna look out for deer! These woods are full of them.
They breed like immigrants.
Oh, my God.
Listen, Peggy, I know that you are reluctant to go back home, but I think it's gonna be good for the book and for you.
What the hell's wrong with me? Nothing! You're perfect! What?! I think I need to run around.
It's been 30 miles.
Ah, you and me both.
Carl, hurry up! Tip-off's about to start.
Damn it, I love March Madness.
Lets guys like me pretend we got something to do with college.
Yep, nothing I like better than watching hoops on a Saturday with my boys, am I right? Carl, you want to go shoe shopping? Sure thing, baby.
Nothing I like better than shoe shopping on a Saturday with my lady.
Record that nonsense.
Help a brother out.
Poor sap.
Boy, do I remember those days, being dragged around by the old ball and chain.
Your wife's only been gone five hours.
Why can't you just be happy for me? Ooh, I got to take this.
Hey, Philly.
What's the spread? Okay, uh, give me a half-dollar on Gonzaga and I'll take the over on the Kansas game, and I'll call you later to lay down a trixie with UConn, Villanova and Syracuse.
All right.
Wrong number.
Look, I know it was your bookie.
What did all that mean? You wearing a wire? Just tell me.
All right.
A half dollar is 50 bucks, which I put on Gonzaga.
Then I bet that the total points in the Kansas game will be over 140.
And I have no idea what the trixie is, but if you win, it's, like, a ton of money.
Man, I wish I would have bet on my bracket last year.
I picked all the way down to the Final Four.
I would've made bank.
Believe me, you don't want to start betting.
You have an addictive personality.
I can see it in your stomach.
Come on! I'm a grown man.
I can do whatever I want, until my wife gets back.
You really want to go down this road? Why not? I know sports.
All I need is for you to walk me through the betting process.
Okay, but if I do this, remember, you pay attention, you do what I say, and you never, ever tell our wives how much we lose.
Or win.
You're a natural.
Oh, God! Who the hell are you?! Molly, T-Bone.
T-Bone, Molly.
Pleasure.
Why is he in our car? He needed a ride.
To where? His killing grounds? I was a thumb jockey myself back in the day.
That right? Mm.
all alone on the highway.
I wasn't worried.
People were kind back then; I think they still are.
Somebody's hair smells delicious.
Okay, here's your stop, T-Bone.
Well, that was the nickel tour of Mudlick.
Gotten used to the smell yet? Well, I have to admit, there's a there's a certain funk.
Are you sure we didn't step in something? You stepped in Mudlick.
There's no scraping that off.
I told you this trip was gonna be a waste of time.
No, no, no, don't give up yet.
I mean, what about this place? Is this bringing up any, you know, good childhood memories? Yeah.
Daddy didn't let us come here because they served chop suey.
Horrible racist.
He wouldn't even eat off china.
Said the woman who won't eat Swedish meatballs.
Well, sometimes, when I was feeling down, I used to sneak in here by myself and order a malted.
Wow.
That is the first memory of Mudlick that's actually pleasant.
The man who owned this place lost both his legs to diabetes.
And we're back.
Welcome to Stumpy's.
Can I take your order? Uh my daddy's dead, so I'll have the chop suey.
Uh, chef salad.
You know, my mother-in-law here is originally from Mudlick.
Yeah? What part? North of the tree.
Hmm.
La-Di-da.
Mudlick royalty.
Sounds to me like the whining of a crick person.
All right, all right, ladies.
The crick waters the tree, and the tree shades the crick, and What is she talking about? They're five miles away from each other.
Don't bother.
She can't read a map.
Five, four, three, two, one! Yeah! Now I understand how people lose their families to gambling addictions.
This is so much fun.
First time out, you're a winner.
Pretty great, huh? It's awesome! Worst thing that could've happened to you.
You'll be chasing that the rest of your life.
Well, let's chase, let's chase, let's chase! Okay, look.
The Duke game is next.
Put-put another bet in for me.
Not me, you; you're placing the next one.
Time to take off the training wheels.
No, no, no, it's too soon.
Listen, this is something you need to learn for when I'm gone.
I'm not always gonna be around to coddle you.
No, no, I'm not ready.
You'll be fine.
Just do like I taught you.
Hi.
How are you? It's not a sex chat.
Place the damn bet.
Uh, yes, this is client 3464, and-and I would like to place a bet.
Oh, look at you.
My little bird's leaving the nest.
Yes, uh, I would like Duke minus the six, and, uh, what's the over-under on the UConn game? Keep going; I'm gonna grab my camera.
You don't get moments like these back.
Before we leave Mudlick, there's just one more stop I want to make.
I told you you should've used the can at the diner.
I did, and you could've at least warned me it was an actual can, but This stop is for you, Peggy.
Where the hell are we? In that house is someone that you have not seen in 50 years who misses you very much.
What did you do? I may have bribed a certain crick waitress to give me the phone number for Rosemary Ritter, your sister, and that's her house! You talked to my sister? Yes, I did, and she's waiting right in there for you! Okay.
Okay.
I guess this had to happen sometime.
Go tell her I'm coming in.
I need a minute to collect myself.
Sure, sure.
I'm proud of you.
Molly Flynn, you've done it again.
Hey! Hey! Son of a bitch! Can I help you? Hey.
Hi.
Molly Flynn.
We spoke on the phone earlier.
I hung up on you.
Yes, you did, and that's what told me you were the right lady.
And I told you I didn't want to see Peggy.
Well, then you'll be very happy to know she feels the exact same way about you.
So she's not here? No, she peeled out like a bat out of well, Mudlick.
Well, why didn't you say so, honey? Come on in! Oh, it's always good seeing family.
Oh! I'm so sorry about all of this.
I don't know what I thought would happen.
I don't mean to be judgmental, but you don't seem to think too hard before you jump into things.
Well, not when it comes to healing family.
I got to admit, I never thought I'd see the day when Peggy would come back to Mudlick.
I figured the next time we'd meet, there'd be six feet of dirt between us and one of us would be dancing.
What in the world happened between you two? You really get that nose right up in there, don't you? Well, yes, but respectfully.
Just-just tell me the story, and I won't have any judgment on what you might have done to her.
What I did to her? I'm sorry, but did she ever mention a man named Troy to you? Oh, yeah, Troy that she ran away with.
Her first love.
Yeah, well, he might've been her first love, but she didn't love him first.
Troy was my fiancé till Peggy stole him away from me.
What? My little sister took my lover, my friend, my everything.
Oh, my God.
We have an ending for our book! I'm so sorry for your loss.
For a crick person, you sure know how to mix a malted.
Enjoy the surprise at the bottom.
There she is.
Rosie? You slut! I'll kill you! Hey! Hey! Ladies! Ladies! A little decorum! You are better than this.
Oh! Oh! Defense, defense, lock them out! Come on, you gangly bastards.
I made you boys sandwiches.
Get out, you jinx! Well, if you want them later, they'll be in the garbage.
Ah, damn it! How did he miss that shot?! I blame Joyce! Her juju was still in the room! Well, you won't see my juju, my ta-tas or my boom-boom for quite a while.
Okay, okay, it's for the best.
You got a taste of losing.
It's not how you handle the win, it's how you handle the loss.
Actually, it's not that bad.
I chickened out on that $50 bet and told Philly to just make it a dime.
You what now? A dime, ten bucks.
A dime's a grand, you big cement head! What?! You just lost $1,000! Why did they come up with these stupid code words? Because it's illegal! I leave the room for eight seconds, and you screw the pooch.
Hey, I told you I wasn't ready.
That's why I said only bet 50.
And a dime is ten.
In what world is a dime not ten? In a world where a guy breaks your thumbs when you can't pay it back! Enough! Okay! We've got the anger out.
That's good.
That's healthy.
Now let's let's let the healing begin.
You gonna say something? You look old.
You have a man's haircut.
Okay.
Okay.
That's good, we're talking.
Okay, let's take it to the table.
None of this was my idea.
I would've been fine if I never saw this place again.
Where do you get off acting like you were the one who was wronged? What happened happened.
Okay.
It's clear that you two need to talk, so I'm-I'm just gonna go over here, out of your way, just quietly taking notes on the book.
What's there to talk about? She stole my fiancé.
I didn't steal him; he came to me.
And you didn't send him away.
He told me he loved me.
If you recall, growing up we didn't hear that a lot.
I used to say it to you.
I remember.
Why didn't you ever call me? Oh, why do you think? I was wracked with guilt.
I was so stupid.
You were 16.
And stupid.
"And stupid.
" If it helps, I couldn't be happier the way my life turned out.
I found a good husband who gave me six wonderful kids and loved me till the day he died.
That makes me so happy.
If it makes you feel any better, Troy left me soon after we took off.
I married a philandering husband who left me for an actual whore.
"Actual whore.
" That doesn't make me feel any better.
You and I were always different.
Let's not forget who made this possible.
Tree people.
You watching the North Carolina game? Yeah.
The spread's six points.
I don't care.
I just want to enjoy the game.
You can still do that without money on it? Yes, you can.
You pick a team, you root for that team, and you hope that team wins.
You just made March boring again.
Listen, I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier.
Ah, I messed up; I deserved it.
No, this is not on you.
I gave you half the information and then laid into you when you screwed up.
Just like my old man used to do to me.
At least your old man was around.
So, uh you think I could place another bet sometime? Depends.
I want double or nothing on this Carolina game.
Double or nothing? That's a lot of dough.
It's only money.
It's a close game.
You-you seem awful calm about it.
Eh, what are you gonna do? Sometimes you just got to sit back and leave it to the fates.
Hey, hon, you want Got out of here, you jinx! You're the kiss of death! They're looking good.