The Middle s05e17 Episode Script

Everyone has a date to the prom but me.
I am the only one.
Sue, I'm sure you're not the only one.
No, I am.
It's true.
You know, I heard that Beyoncé never got asked to her prom.
Really? I had no idea if that was true.
I mean, it's certainly possible.
You don't come out of the womb lookin' like Beyoncé.
She could've been awkward in high school.
What kind of name is "Beyoncé"? Is it French or did her parents just make it up? Oh, I wish I could speak French.
God knows when I'd use it.
But still, sometimes it's just nice to be able to do stuff.
Oh, my God.
Your daughter is pouring out her heart to you.
Listen! Focus! Pay attention! That is something I've never told anyone ever.
Uh-oh.
She stopped talking.
Say something.
Take a shot.
Honey, I'm sure you will.
Oh.
Thanks, mom.
God, I'm good.
Axl, did you have Mrs.
Danner for sixth-grade English? Grandma arms, slight mustache? Yeah, I remember her.
Well, she won't let us write a normal book report -- says we have to be creative and "Think outside the book.
" I hate this.
If they want us to think outside the box, they should tell us exactly how.
Oh, yeah, I remember that project.
I did awesome on that.
So you'll help me with mine? No, I was just telling you how awesome I am.
Hey, who helped you drop all those classes so you wouldn't fail out of school? And who allowed himself to be farted on for the promise of a prize that never came? As far as little brothers go, you hit the jackpot.
So, come on, help a brother out.
Sue, I need to talk to you for a minute.
Enjoy your potato.
Oh, no.
Am I over-chiving again? No, it's not about the chives.
Although, you know with the chives, less is more.
This is non-work related.
I'm gonna take off my assistant-manager hat.
I'm gonna talk to you as a fellow student of Orson High -- and a man.
Anyway, I would like you to accompany me to the prom.
Really? Yes! I'm going to prom! Whoo! Now back to work.
Yes.
Dr.
Oz says sitting is the new smoking, so Mike and I decided to haul our butts off the couch and take a walk.
And while we may no longer be dying from sitting, dying from boredom was definitely a possibility.
But then something amazing happened -- well, someone.
Well, someones.
I'm saying we ran into other people.
Hey! Vicki from Mrs.
Keats' class.
Remember we sat next to each other at back to school night? Yeah, thanks so much for waking me up when I fell asleep.
No problem.
Hey, this is my husband, Mike.
Hi.
Nice to meet you.
This is my husband, Dale.
Hey, I'm Dale.
So, we get to my sister's house, and we can't work anything.
we couldn't turn on the TV.
It was like the whole house was smarter than us.
I swear, at one point, I think I heard the oven laughing at me.
- You work at Orson Quarry? - Yeah.
What's that like? Oh, well, have you seen "The Flintstones"? It's pretty much like that.
Except at the end of the day, we don't slide down the tail of a dinosaur.
Oh, that's a bummer.
Yeah.
I hate to disappoint you.
Well, this is our stop.
- Oh.
- Oh.
- This was great, guys.
- Yeah, do it again.
- Okay, okay.
- Yeah.
- Great.
- Take care.
Bye! Well, that was pathetic.
What do you mean? I had fun.
Yeah, of course you did, Mike.
You weren't talking to me.
Hey, you were chattin' it up pretty good with Dale yourself.
It was like a one-woman show back there.
Tell me about it.
I was adorable -- witty, clever.
I have never felt so alive.
And you? You're totally bringing it for Vicki.
Eh.
Yeah, you were talkative, you were smiling.
Don't you get it? That walk proves that we can be fun and charming.
But we shouldn't just bring it for other people.
We should bring it for each other.
Let's try it.
Let's be interesting for each other.
Now? No, I'm tired now, but we'll hit it hard tomorrow.
I still don't get what we're doing.
Trust me.
It's gonna be awesome.
You start with the first book you ever read, then go all the way to the last book you've read.
It's your whole life's journey in books.
Then we knock them down like dominos, video it, you show it in class -- "Boom!" -- they go nuts.
Guaranteed A.
But that doesn't have anything to do with "The Old Man And The Sea.
" See? That's your problem, Brick.
You are a rigid thinker.
That's why I'm gonna end up ruling the world.
All the big-time rich guys -- Steve Jobs other guys -- they're all creative thinkers, risk-takers.
I don't know about this, Axl.
Wha-- look, that's fine.
Go ahead.
Dress like one of the characters in the book and do a lame presentation like a million other kids.
What do you want, Brick? Do you want to go the safe route, or do you want to be an innovator, a trailblazer, a rule breaker?! I do.
Then give me "One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish" and let's change the world! Yeah! Surprise! I'm here to take you to prom! What? Yeah, my mom was talking to your mom, and she was saying how no one had asked you to prom yet and how crazy that was.
So my mom said, "It might be nice if you'd take her," and I said, "Are you kidding me? I'd do anything for Susie Q!" You're like family.
Oh! Wow, Sean.
That is so incredibly nice! Actually, the funny thing is -- Yeah, my car broke down twice on the way down here from Notre Dame, but I got it fixed.
And I had to ask a professor to move a big test, and I'm missing my fraternity photo, but I said, "I don't care.
I'm takin' Sue to her prom.
" So, here I am.
Well, great! - Yay! - Yeah! Fun! So, Sue had gone from no dates to the prom to two dates -- a problem she never in her life could have anticipated.
But since Sean had gone to all that effort, Sue knew she had to do the right thing and kick Edwin to the curb.
Okay, what color are you wearing? Uh, green and burnt tangerine.
No, silly, for the prom.
'Cause I want to get a matching cummerbund.
Uh -- Oh, and I'm gonna wear my dress shoes, but can I put my jazz shoes in your purse for dancing later? Brad, what are you talking about? Prom.
We always said that if neither of us had a date, we'd be each other's date.
I'm so glad I have you.
Otherwise, I'd be devastated.
So, we're going together, right? You bet! Hey, did I tell you we got those new rotary saliva ejectors at work? Hm.
Still gettin' spit on a lot, though.
Got to get working on those taxes.
Yep.
Comes faster every year.
It does.
They're not here, Frankie.
I'm so confused.
I mean, Brad is an amazing friend and he has always been there for me, and he'll do my makeup.
But Sean drove all the way down from Notre Dame just to take me.
What do you think I should do? Oh.
Ha ha.
Very funny, Axl.
You know, this is a very serious issue and a lot of people's feelings are at stake and you are not being very supportive! Aah! You.
Me.
Prom.
Pick me up at 7:00.
Show some leg.
Are you -- What -- No, no, no, but I-I-- Ha.
Yeah.
Right.
You know what? Maybe we've just said everything we've had to say to each other.
You wanted to bring it, I wanted to bring it.
Maybe there's just nothing to bring.
This is why we should never leave the couch.
Let the cable company bring it.
Yeah, that's fine for now.
But when the kids leave, it's just gonna be you and me, and we're not gonna have anything to talk about.
Then we're just gonna be two old people staring at each other.
We won't be alone.
Brick will be here, jumbling up our meds.
I'm just saying, if we want to have any prayer of an interesting life, we're gonna have to bring other people into it.
You know what we should do? I know it's not your favorite thing, but I think we should have a dinner party.
You know, we used to have those Memorial Day barbecues every year.
We put the keg on the porch.
Remember? I mean, we used to be fun, social people, Mike.
I've seen the pictures.
Hmm.
I am pretty bored of talking to you.
Exactly, and I'm totally sick of talking to you.
Sure.
What the hell? Let's do it.
I love books.
Do you remember "Pat The Bunny"? You could feel the bunny.
Oh.
Hey, Darrin.
Hey, Sue.
- No-no-no-no-no! Bup-bup-bup! - No, wait! No!! Oops.
Sorry.
Hey, again.
Oh, hey.
So, this is where the Heck laundry goes down, huh? Yep, this is where the magic happens.
I've seen the clean clothes, but you never get to see behind the scenes.
Very few have had the privilege.
So, listen, I was thinking, you know, sometimes people don't always have dates to the prom.
And I don't know if you do or you don't, but if you don't and you want to go, I'm around, so I could take you if you want.
Are you kidding me right now?! No, uh, but if you don't want to -- No.
No, no, no, no, no.
I do, I do, I do.
I definitely, definitely do.
I just have to check on a few things.
But, yes.
Yes, my answer is yes.
Hey! Sue! Excited for next Saturday? I was just getting ready to pick up your corsage.
Hope you like gardenias.
Actually, Sean, about that I really appreciate you asking me.
Like, you have no idea how much that means to me.
And I think it would be really fun to go together, but somehow, I ended up with four other dates to prom.
So, unfortunately, I won't be able to go with you.
Oh.
Wow.
But it's not like I had four other dates when you asked me.
I had one.
But of all the people that I'm not going with, you are really my favorite.
Okay! Yeah, no problem.
That's cool.
I'll -- I'll just -- I guess I'll just head on back up to school.
It's a six-hour drive, so I won't get back in time for the fraternity photo.
But, hey, there's always next year.
Thank you so much for understanding, Sean.
I am so, so sorry.
Hey! No problem.
What?! Sue, you can't do this! You know I would never, but it's Darrin.
You know how I feel about Darrin.
Sue, you promised.
Love affairs with thick-necked, handsome blond men will come and go, but best friendships are forever.
I know, and I wouldn't cancel if it was anybody else.
Well, if your girlfriend from Canada would suddenly be able to go -- Arena or Ariel -- It's Arena.
It's definitely Arena.
That's a real name.
Well, if she was suddenly able to go, you know I would be okay letting you go with her because that is what is so great about our friendship -- we always want the best for each other.
All right, fine.
- Go with Darrin.
- Yes! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Hey, lady, my brother said he can't take you to prom.
He's in juvie.
What? Why? What'd he do? None of your damn business! Hey, Edwin.
So, listen, about prom -- Oh, I know all about it.
You didn't think I'd hear about you and Brad, the great hot-dog adventure guy? Uh, what? Yeah, it's all over the food court.
He's counter, I'm management.
You had a good thing, and you blew it.
You don't think I could've taken Kathy at Orange Julius? As soon as her lap-band kicks in, she's gonna be gorgeous.
Oh, I was gonna tell you what the featured potato is for next month, but now you'll just have to find out with everyone else.
Ohh.
Yeah! Hey, I didn't know you were in town.
Yeah, I was doing a favor for my mom taking Sue to prom.
I was happy to do it, but it turns out she's got like four other dates.
Wait.
Are you sure? 'Cause -- Yeah, that's what she said -- four guys.
But I'm fine.
It's -- it's fine.
I'm fine.
I'll just smile through it just -- just like I smile through everything.
Hey, Sue, it's Darrin.
I wanted to talk to you about prom.
When I asked you, I didn't realize you had so many dates.
I was just trying to be nice, but you can take me off the list because, clearly, you've got a lot going on.
And the truth is, I didn't really want to go anyway.
I mean, I don't care about prom.
I've been before.
Like I said, I was just being nice.
This is Darrin.
So, who's the unlucky guy you decided to go to prom with? Actually, nobody.
I am taking myself to prom.
Just like Molly Ringwald in "Pretty In Pink.
" It's a very important movie from the '80s about self-acceptance.
Wait, I thought you were going with Darrin.
I was, but then I guess he decided he didn't want to go to prom after all.
Oh, well.
I'm off to prom.
Will you take my picture? Thanks.
I know I'm only 12, but that was the saddest thing I've ever seen in my entire life.
Yeah.
Ooph.
Bl-bl! Dah, all right, agh! We got to get this done before mom's dumb dinner party.
- Mm.
- You ready? - I'm ready.
- Let's do this! Okay.
Yes! Yes! Yes! Ah! Brilliant! Oh, I'm a genius! Yes! Yes! Oh, my God! Yes! Yes! Oh! Oh-oh-oh! Oh, my God! I'm a genius! "He was an old man who fished alone in a skiff.
" You hooked? And cut! Oh, yes, we did it! Yes! - Whoo! - Oh, thank you! You know, I've never been there.
I hear it's nice.
Oh, no, I hate Santa Fe.
- What? - Yeah, all that adobe.
You know, it's, like, a whole city made of mud.
Oh, don't listen to him.
He doesn't hate Santa Fe.
How do you hate a whole city? Well True story -- I suggested to Bill that we vacation in new Mexico once, and he said no 'cause he didn't want to leave the country.
Hey, you -- you want a smart guy or you a sexy guy? 'Cause, uh, I might be able to introduce you to somebody.
- Oh, Frankie, everything looks delicious! - Yes.
- Thank you.
- Mangia! Mangia! We went to Italy last summer, and the only two things he learned to say were "Let's eat" and "We can't afford that.
" We went to Italy last summer, too! Really? - Yeah, we went on a cruise for our anniversary.
- We did.
Oh, yeah? Where'd you guys go? Oh, well, we went to the whole Tuscany thing.
Oh, where? - What does? - Like tongue-twisters.
And sometimes you can get into these mud -- it's like a mud bath.
It's like a -- it's like mask for your whole body.
So, what did you do today? hey, you shine like a star, 'cause you know that you are Hey, Sue.
Are you here alone? Yeah.
Me, too.
Yep, it wouldn't be prom if some poor Heck didn't end up going with Weird Ashley.
Okay, I downloaded the video onto the laptop.
Are you ready for greatness?! - Lay it on me.
- All right! Let's do this! Oh, there it goes! Oh, my God.
It's working! Oh, my God! I'm a genius! Brick, oh! You're so lucky you got me for a brother! "He was an old man who fished alone in a skiff.
" You hooked? And cut! Aah, grades don't really matter till high school anyway.
What are you doing? Nothing.
Just getting some coffee.
What are you doing in here? I don't know.
Came to see what you were doing.
Hmm.
Well, I suppose one of us should be in there.
Why? We're just talking to each other.
I think we've established we don't have anything to say to each other.
Besides, they won't even know we're gone.
Well, should we go back there and try to get in the mix? Seems like a lot of work.
Let's just take our foot off the pedal and coast to the grave.
- Impossible! - Do you hear that? Why did you say that you hated Santa Fe? How do you know those people are not from Santa Fe?! So what if they are? Okay? Why are you always so worried about what people think? You say something and you don't think and then you embarrass everyone! Oh, yeah, you're worried about being embarrassed.
Do you realize how loud your laugh is? You can't even hear other people 'cause your laugh is so loud.
- Oh, great, so now you're gonna tell me how to laugh? - Yeah.
I don't tell you how to eat -- the way your teeth click together when you chew! Sometimes, all it takes to feel better about yourselves is seeing somebody who's got it worse.
Maybe behind closed doors, nobody's really bringing it.
And as a bonus, it gave us plenty to talk about.
Can you believe he talked to her like that? - Ohh.
- I had no idea.
You look at their house, and it's all perfect, but you don't know.
You never know.
I mean, it makes sense 'cause you know how controlling she is, so of course she is with him.
And he's out of town all the time.
- You got to wonder.
- You really do.
Did you hear what she said to him when they were leaving? Don't tell me yet.
Save it.
We'll take a walk tomorrow.
You can tell me about it then.
Hey, am I too late for the big book tipping? Did I miss it? Yeah, you missed it.
Whatever, Darrin.
Hey.
What's with you? What's with me? I don't want to see your stupid face right now.
That's what's with me.
That's not very nice to say that about somebody's face.
What did my face ever do to you? You told my sister you were gonna take her to prom, and then, like, you just cancel on her last minute? What are you talking about? She has like a million dates.
No, she doesn't, Darrin.
She went to prom alone, and she wanted to go with you, so nice goin'.
She doesn't even like me.
Oh, my God.
Are you an idiot? Do you not see how she gets those weird, googly eyes whenever you come over and grins like an idiot? It's completely disgusting and makes me want to vomit.
But for whatever reason, she still really likes you, and you really hurt her, and that's not cool.
You do not hurt my sister.
I had no idea.
And here's another slow song, so hold on tight to the one you love.
You know what, Ashley? Uh, I'm kind of tired, and I'm really not having that much fun.
It's not you.
It's me.
I think I'm just gonna head home.
tears your autumn clothes apart I'll take you by the hand we'll flee the world that left you sad I won't forget your broken heart Sue! Darrin? I'm dreaming free I'm dreaming free Hi.
What are you doing here? I came to take you to prom.
But I -- I got your message.
I thought you didn't care about prom.
I don't.
I only care about you.
I know it didn't work out last time and you told me to forget you, but the thing is, Sue, I can't.
I think about you all the time.
And I get up, and I think, "Okay, I will not think about Sue today.
" But then it backfires, 'cause I'm thinking about you even more, and Aw, hell.
look at the world as it's turning look at the light as it shines down on me every star softly burning every atom of life in the sea it's such a beautiful world