Seinfeld s05e18 Episode Script

As humans, we need training in social skills conversational distance.
Don't you hate these people that talk into your mouth like you're a clown at a drive-through? And handshakes is the worst.
There's absolutely no guidelines for handshakes.
You know how many people--? Too strong, too weak.
Sometimes they give you the three-quarter handshake, just the fingers.
Early release, late release.
Sometimes people will dispute your release.
You've let go.
They're hanging on.
I have actually said to people, "Hey, the handshake is over.
" Too many pumps, coming in too high too sweaty, from too far away.
Sometimes a guy will give you a strong grip, late release and pull you in for the too-close conversation.
To him I say, "That's three strikes.
You're out.
" You know, the timing couldn't be worse.
Is there a good time to have your parents stay with you? I haven't been together with Rachel for three weeks.
First I was on the road, then my parents show up.
I'm getting a little backed up.
-When are they leaving for Paris? -Not for three days.
-What about her place? -She lives with her parents.
Really? Maybe this will become, like, a cool thing, living with your parents.
Then maybe baldness will catch on.
Things will all be turning your way.
Hey, believe me, baldness will catch on.
When the aliens come, who do you think they're gonna relate to? Who do you think's gonna be getting tour of the ship? The baldies.
My parents want your parents over for dinner.
Good.
I get the apartment for at least one night.
I'm paying for this Paris trip.
It's their anniversary present.
-Hey, guys.
-Hey, Alec.
-Hey, Alec.
-This is Joey.
-Hey, Joey, how are you doing? -Hey, listen I was wondering if you'd be interested in doing some work for the Big Brother program.
I'm kind of running the local chapter.
What do you say, George? -Well.
-Wouldn't you like to be a Big Brother to someone like me? Please? Well sure, Joey, sure.
I would be thrilled.
That's great.
Thanks.
I'll get in touch with you.
Wouldn't you like to be a Big Brother--? All right, Joey.
That's enough.
Let's go.
See you.
-What happened? -What could I do? Did you see the mug on that kid? Wouldn't you like to pass the ketchup to someone like me? Please? Have you noticed they moved where they do the interview on Jeopardy? Yeah.
It was in the middle of Single Jeopardy.
-Now it's after Single Jeopardy.
-Yeah.
It's much better, isn't it? Oh, no comparison.
I gotta get my parents one of those French-English dictionaries.
-Hey, hey, hey.
-What? Your parents are going to Paris, right? -Yeah.
-So I tell Alec that I have to go to Paris for an undetermined amount of time.
Then all I have to do is buy postcards and have your parents mail them from Paris.
-What about little Joey? -Who? -He's probably better off.
-Yeah.
I'm trying to get out of this Big Brother program.
When you get to Paris, drop them in any mailbox.
-But there are no stamps on these.
-You gotta buy French stamps.
I'll reimburse you, of course.
Why are you doing this? He wants this guy to think he's in Paris.
-Why? -Because George is a deeply disturbed individual.
Oh, hey, Helen.
Could I use some more of your hand lotion? I told you it was good.
It's from the Saks Fifth Avenue in Miami.
I'll remember that if I'm ever in Florida.
Yeah, or if ever on Fifth Avenue here in New York City.
-You can get some there.
-Yeah? Say, those are nice pants.
I got a pair just like them at home.
That doesn't surprise me.
I bought these at Rudy's.
It's a used clothing store.
See, when people like you die the widows, they bring in their wardrobes.
-They make a bundle.
-Really? My father's got a ton of old clothes just sitting up in the attic.
-You think they're worth something? -lf they're vintage.
And you're a widow.
What happens if the husband dies after the wife? -Who brings the clothing in then? -I suppose the children do.
Yes, I suppose they do.
All right.
I got a 1 0:00.
I'll see everybody later.
Hey, I just remembered my parents wanna have you over for dinner before you leave.
-What about tonight? -Tonight? Yeah.
They're making paella.
I don't think we can make it tonight.
We have plans.
-What plans? -We have plans.
-Where did you get plans? -We have plans.
-Well, what about tomorrow night? -Maybe.
Okay -I guess I'll tell them that.
-Okay.
-Hey, give them our best, though.
-Yeah.
-I'll call you later.
-Yeah.
-So, what plans do you have? -None.
So how come you're not going over there for dinner? Jerry, we don't care much for the Costanzas.
We can't stand them.
-Really? Since when? -Since always.
-We've never liked them.
-Why? Well, they're so loud.
They're always fighting.
It's uncomfortable.
You never noticed? I noticed.
But they're from your age group.
I didn't think you could detect abnormal behavior among your own kind.
Well, we do.
-Yeah? -It's us.
Oh, come on up.
-It's Elaine.
You have any problem? -We adore Elaine.
-She's with her new boyfriend.
-What's he like? -He's nice.
A bit of a close talker.
-A what? You'll see.
I really had no idea that you felt this way about the Costanzas.
They're exhausting.
It's like being in an asylum.
-Hi.
-Hi.
-There she is.
-Hello, Elaine.
Hi, Mrs.
Seinfeld.
Oh, this is Aaron.
-Hello, Aaron.
-Hello.
How long are you folks in town? Three more days.
Three more days, and then we're off to Paris.
We're going with a select charter group.
I love France.
I was just there last year.
In fact you know, I still have an envelope full of French francs.
I'll give them to you.
We can't take money.
No.
It's a gift.
From us.
Oh, that is so nice, Aaron.
Isn't he nice? Has Jerry been showing you a good time? No, I haven't.
You know, I have a friend who works at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
How'd you like a behind-the-scenes tour? -Really? You could do that? -Easily.
-It wouldn't be any trouble? -Of course not.
-When could we go? -How about right now? -I'm ready.
-Are you sure? -Yes! -Okay, let me get my coat.
Elaine, what do you say? Well, I don't think so, Aaron.
I have plans.
How about you, Jerry? I'm swamped.
You sure? You can examine the artwork up close.
Maybe I'll try and catch up with you.
Yeah, that will happen.
All right.
We're off.
-Okay.
Bye.
-Let's go.
Okay.
Bye-bye.
Have a good time.
-Bye.
-See everybody later.
-Okay.
-Bye.
Why would he ask your parents to go to a museum? -I don't know.
-What is that? Maybe he was just trying to be nice.
Have you ever heard of anyone doing anything like this? Wait a second.
He just did me a big favor.
-What? -He got them out of the house.
-What? -I can call Rachel.
Oh, no.
I got the machine.
Rachel are you there? I got the place to myself for a few hours.
Rachel, where are you? Rachel! Sorry, pal.
Wish I could help you out.
-They're not coming? -No.
They had plans.
How could they have plans? What difference does it make? They wouldn't lie to us.
-They're our dear friends.
-What am I supposed to do -with all this paella? -They said tomorrow, maybe.
-Maybe? -Maybe they don't like us.
Why wouldn't they like us? Again with the pepper? What do you gotta use all that pepper for? -Keep quiet.
-You trying to set my mouth on fire? I don't know what the reason could be.
-Hello.
-Oh, hi.
What a day.
Jerry, you would not believe the time we had.
Aaron is quite the tour guide.
Have you ever seen those Impressionist paintings? -Oh, sure, like Monet.
-Don't you think he had to be nearsighted? Nobody would paint like that if they could see.
It's all out of focus.
He's from the Impressionist school, you know like Monet, Manet, Tippy-tippy-day-day.
I say that guy was painting without his glasses.
Hello.
Rachel.
Yeah.
No.
They're back.
Jerry if you have something to do, we can just sit right here and read.
Yes.
Well I'm sorry too.
Listen, I'll call you later.
Okay.
Bye.
Well, I should be going.
Oh, thanks again.
-Goodbye.
-Goodbye.
-Hey.
-Oh, you must be Kramer.
I've heard about you.
Hey, you must be Aaron.
I've heard about you.
-Well, see you later.
-Yeah.
-Bye.
-Okay.
So, what are you guys doing for dinner? -We have no plans.
-Look at that, Helen.
Do you see what he's wearing? That's the Executive.
-What is the Executive? -The beltless trench coat.
-My father invented it.
-I sure did.
Raincoats were my business.
The Executive was a classic.
These haven't been made in 20 years.
Why would they? Nobody bought them then.
-He's wearing one.
-These are a hot item at Rudy's.
You don't say.
You know, I have boxes of those sitting in my garage in Florida.
Get them up here.
You give me 25 percent, I'll take care of everything.
-You got a deal.
-Yeah.
This is like the meeting of Smith and Wesson.
I'll call Jack Klompus.
He's got a key to the garage.
-He can send them overnight delivery.
-You're gonna start shipping boxes? -We're leaving for Paris in three days.
-He'll send them express.
-You're crazy.
-I'll tell you how crazy I am.
I'm paying for this trip with these coats.
-I'm paying for the trip.
-So much the better.
Anyway, it's kind of a fluke thing but I'll be leaving for Paris in two days.
I will send you a postcard when I get there.
-Paris, huh? -Yeah.
You know, I feel terrible about Joey, but it's a great business opportunity.
I don't even know how long I'm gonna be away.
Where will you stay? An apartment complex.
The.
The Eiffel Towers.
Like I said, you'll be getting a postcard in a few days and again, I'm sorry.
George, you have no idea how fantastic this is.
-Fantastic? -Yeah.
We've been trying to reunite Joey with his father who lives in Paris.
But he's afraid to fly alone.
You know, he's kind of withdrawn but he seems to take to you.
-So it's a perfect solution.
-Gee, what a coincidence.
And you'll send me a postcard.
Helen really seemed to respond to Renoir.
I think she really connected with the way he painted children.
And that Morty.
I'll tell you, that old guy's full of life.
He was convinced Monet was nearsighted.
-I kept telling him-- -Aaron? Yes? Let me ask you a question.
How come you asked Mr.
and Mrs.
Seinfeld to go to the museum with you? Well, they were in from out of town.
I thought they'd enjoy it.
You didn't feel uncomfortable spending the whole day at the museum with two complete strangers who are more than twice your age? No.
It was fun.
You had fun with Mr.
and Mrs.
Seinfeld? Yeah.
They bought me a Coke.
How'd you get the idea for the beltless trench coat? I came home one night, and I tripped over one of Jerry's toys.
So I took out my belt, just to threaten him and I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror.
-How serendipitous.
-So that night, I cut off the loops and the Executive was born.
He also had an idea for a brimless rain hat but that never materialized.
All right, come on.
Let's play.
-Did you call Jack Klompus? -I haven't been able to reach him.
I'll call him right now.
-Oh, come on.
-Just a second.
Jerry, have you seen Schindler's List? -No, I haven't seen it yet.
-You have to go.
-I'm going.
-You have to.
Okay.
-Hello, Jack? -Yeah? -Jack, it's Morty.
-Who died? Nobody died.
Jack, I want you to do me a big favor.
-In my garage are a couple of boxes.
-What boxes? -I'm gonna explain what boxes.
-All right.
How the hell do I know? Anyway, there are these three big boxes you can't miss them, I want you to ship them here to New York.
I thought you were going to Paris.
I'm still going to Paris.
I got a big deal cooking here.
-What's in the boxes? -Raincoats.
Raincoats? You think you're gonna sell those old crappy raincoats? That's garbage.
I guarantee you, Doris won't let him mail those boxes.
-When do you want these? -Send them tomorrow.
So you think they're coming tonight? I don't know.
They said maybe.
Of course they're coming.
They're leaving soon.
-lf they don't come, they won't see us.
-Well, they better come.
I got all this paella.
I admire Morty and Helen going to France.
We should take a trip.
Maybe a cruise.
Yes, a cruise.
A long cruise.
Just the two of you.
Georgie, what were you doing poking around the attic last night? -I wasn't in the attic.
-I heard noise.
-Maybe it was a mouse.
-Okay, that's it! We're moving! -What? -I will not tolerate infestation.
You haven't even seen one.
Don't you understand? The very thought, the very idea.
I'll never be comfortable again.
All right, Frank.
That's enough.
I guess I've been hanging onto them for so long because I couldn't accept the fact that Dad was really gone forever.
They will get a good home, won't they? I gotta be honest, there's nothing here too spectacular.
Oh, I beg to differ.
My father took great pride in his appearance.
He was a very handsome man, a Casanova, really.
I'll give you $200 for the three boxes.
Could you make it 225? That was his high game in bowling.
Yeah, I'm in a good mood.
Here.
Thank you.
Hey, George.
What are you doing here? I'm just selling some of Dad's things.
That's what he would have wanted.
Oh, I got you.
-That'll do.
-Hey, guess what.
Morty Seinfeld and I are going into business together, selling raincoats.
-That's swell.
-We worked it out -all over dinner last night.
-Dinner? -You had dinner with the Seinfelds? -Yeah, last night.
Was this something you had planned? No, it was spur of the moment.
Well, you know Morty.
He likes to fly by the seat of his vintage pants.
They had plans, huh? They had plans! Boy, I've never seen these before.
They just came in.
Part of my springtime cruise collection.
-Two for $25.
-Oh, I'll take these.
Yeah.
Hey, remember this raincoat that you sold me? Sure.
That's the Executive.
-Do you have any others? -I wish.
They don't make it anymore.
Suppose I told you I have 50 in mint condition.
You interested? -Very interested.
-They're coming in from Florida.
-Bring them in.
-So you'll buy them? I don't see what would possibly stop me? They had plans, huh? They were busy.
They were busy with their big plans, huh? -What are you talking about? -Mom and Pop Seinfeld.
-Look, I don't know.
-I know what they did last night.
-They had dinner with Kramer.
-It was a last-minute thing.
They won't have dinner with my parents? -Right.
-Something wrong with my parents? -Absolutely.
-My parents are wonderful people.
-These the same people you live with? -Yes.
-Are they coming tonight or not? -I don't know what their plans are.
Okay.
Fine.
It's gonna be very interesting very interesting if they don't show up tonight.
You know, my mother made all this paella.
What is that, anyway? It's a Spanish dish.
It's a mélange of fish and meat with rice.
-Very tasty.
-I'll tell them.
-Could you do one other thing for me? -Name it.
Would your parents have any objections to taking a little kid to Paris with them? It turns out that the kid's father lives in Paris.
Is that a coincidence? You know, Alec wants me to take him over there so I figure as long as they're going-- You thought as long as they're mailing postcards it wouldn't be too much to ask my parents to drag a child who they've never seen through the streets of Paris? If you think it's too much, they don't have to mail the postcards.
So where's he taking you? Well, first we're going to a matinee.
I'm taking the afternoon off.
We're gonna go see My Fair Lady.
And then we're gonna go to dinner.
-He knows all these fantastic places.
-You are one lucky girl.
Wish I could find a nice guy.
-Hi, Aaron.
-Hey, Joanne.
-Hey.
-Hi.
-Hello, hello.
-Hello, Elaine.
I was able to finagle two more tickets to My Fair Lady and I thought, why not ask Morty and Helen? -Great.
-This is some office.
What's the square footage? -You don't mind, do you, Elaine? -Mind? Oh, of course not.
We can make a whole day of it.
This is some building.
Harry Fleming used to have an office here.
There was a deli on the first floor.
You don't get corned beef like that anymore.
What happened to that deli? I really don't know, Mr.
Seinfeld.
We better not.
They're gonna be here any second.
When are they leaving? In two days.
-It's been so long.
-I know.
Okay.
-It's only two more days.
-Right.
Thursday, 3:00.
-Oh, hi.
-We didn't know you had company.
Yeah.
This is Rachel.
-Hi.
-Hello, Rachel.
-We'll come back another time.
-What other time? -Whenever.
-Where you going? -We'll drive around for a while.
-You don't have a car.
-We'll take a bus.
-Come on.
Stop.
-No, we don't mind.
-I'll get a book.
No, it's okay.
I was just leaving anyway.
Are you sure? Because we don't wanna-- No, it's okay.
-We'll go see Schindler's List, right? -Definitely.
Okay.
-It was nice meeting you.
-Nice meeting you.
-See you later.
-Bye-bye.
Boy, that was some show.
-What show? -My Fair Lady.
-When did you get tickets to see that? -Aaron surprised us, and Elaine came.
Oh, Elaine? Really? Well, that sounds interesting.
We saw Regis Philbin get out of a limousine.
He looks better on TV.
-Hello.
-Hello, Jerry.
-Yeah? -It's Jack Klompus.
Oh, hi, Jack.
So when are you coming down to Florida again? As soon as is humanly possible.
You know, I still got that pen, the one that writes upside down.
Yeah.
I should have kept it.
-So where's your father? -Oh, he's right here.
-Yeah? -Hello, Morty.
Listen, I can't get in the garage.
-What do you mean? -There is something wrong with the key.
The key doesn't work.
-You gotta jiggle it a little bit.
-I jiggled it.
I jiggled it for 1 5 minutes.
Tell him to come down here and get his own packages.
You have nothing better to do than worry about his boxes? You gotta pull on the knob as you turn it.
Get the hell out of here with your knob! What does he want from you? My idiot son could open that garage door.
What did I do? Just do it first thing tomorrow.
I need it.
They'll be here first thing Thursday morning.
Thursday morning? You know we're leaving at 3:00.
Yeah, you're leaving at 3:00.
-How will you get this done? -Don't worry about it.
Yeah, how you gonna get all this done in time? They were drinking champagne in a buggy! -First Kramer, then Elaine? -Yeah.
-It's a slap in the face.
-What did we ever do to them? I wanna know what we did to them.
What are they, too good for us? A raincoat salesman.
-I could buy and sell him, like that.
-The hell with them! The thing that bothers me the most is the lying.
Well, let's forget about it.
We're going on a beautiful vacation.
Vacation? Your mother and I are planning on taking a cruise.
But I can't find any of my vacation clothes.
They were in the attic.
The attic? You haven't worn any of those clothes for years.
How can I go on a cruise without my cabana-wear? I love those clothes.
A mouse! I saw a mouse! It's the remote.
Where the hell are my clothes? I love those clothes.
Lousy, moth-ridden crap.
I'm not crazy about used clothes.
I mean, they call it vintage you know, to take your mind off what it really is, nasty-wear.
Oh, it's clean, you know.
People wear underwear.
Yeah, well, they don't wear iron underwear.
And that's what it's gonna take to get me in those clothes.
I'll move into an apartment after a strange person moves out.
Why would I wanna move into somebody's pants? There is no vintage underwear, of course.
But it's not because a guy couldn't sell his underwear.
It's because men wear their underwear until it absolutely disintegrates.
Men hang onto underwear until each individual underwear molecule is so strained it can barely retain the properties of a solid.
It actually becomes underwear vapor.
We don't even throw it out.
We just open a window and it goes out like dandelion spores.
That's how men throw out underwear.
We go-- Then it's gone.
That's it.
It's just.
-Hey, Jerry.
-So how was the movie? Oh, really good.
Really good.
-Didn't three hours go by like that? -Like that.
What about the end, with the list? Yeah, that was some list.
What'd you think of the black and white? The black and white? The whole movie was in black and white.
Oh, yeah, I didn't even realize.
You don't think about it.
There's so much going on.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I tell you, I could see it again.
So Klompus has the key, but the jerk couldn't open it up.
All you gotta do is jiggle it.
You just get it in there, jiggle it, jiggle it.
Look, I find this whole thing very uninteresting.
-When you get the coats, come in.
-Oh, yeah.
Hey, I'm on your side.
Hey.
What, again? I'm trying to buy some of the clothes back.
Hey, wanna come over for dinner tonight? My mother made all this extra paella.
Paella? Yeah, I'll be there.
Apparently, the Seinfelds are too good for us.
I shouldn't say anything bad about your partner.
No, no.
We're not really partners.
I only get 25 percent.
Twenty-five percent? It was your idea.
-Yeah, I know.
-You're doing all the legwork.
-That's right.
-He's ripping you off.
-You're right.
He's ripping me off.
-You should be getting more.
-He's ripping me off.
-Don't let him take advantage of you.
Oh, it's you.
You're the one who sold me the moth-ridden cabana crap.
You know, I've been thinking why is Kramer getting 25 percent? Well, he told you about the place.
So what? Why is that worth 25 percent? It's a finder's fee.
You know what a finder's fee is? You find something, you get a fee.
A finder's fee is 1 0 percent, no more.
Well, it's too late now.
Those are my coats.
I saved them, I stored them.
I've been waiting years for this payoff.
Well, you're not gonna say anything.
Hey.
-I've been thinking about something.
-Yeah, so have l-- -I don't think the deal is fair.
-You don't think it's fair? No, no.
I found the place.
I set the whole thing up.
-I'm doing all the legwork.
-What legwork? -There's legwork.
-lf anything, you're getting too much.
-Too much? -That's right.
They're my coats.
Okay, look, I want 35 percent.
I'm thinking more like 1 5.
-No way I'm taking 1 5.
-Well, you're not getting 35! All right, let's compromise.
-Twenty-five percent.
-Okay, it's a deal.
Moths are the scourge of my business.
All it takes is one moth to lay eggs.
Know what happens to the larvae? They hatch everywhere.
Well, I'm sorry.
Here's your money back.
And I'll take the clothes.
This will hardly put a dent in my fumigation bill.
-So where are the clothes? -I burned them.
That's good.
Now, I know they're your parents, Jerry and they're very nice people.
But don't you think it's odd that a 35-year-old man is going to these lengths to see that someone else's parents are enjoying themselves? I mean, don't you find that abnormal? It is a tad askew.
I mean, they're your parents, and you don't do anything.
Why's this stranger doing it? I've hardly been out with them.
See? See? And I can't even say anything you know, because all he's really doing is being nice but nobody's this nice.
This is, like -certifiably nice.
-You're right.
He's insane.
Yes, he's insane.
That's what I think.
-So, what are you gonna do? -I don't know.
I don't know what to do.
Oh, God.
So how was the movie? From what I saw, it was pretty good.
What do you mean, "from what you saw"? Well, I didn't actually get to see the whole movie.
Yeah, why not? I was kind of making out.
You were making out during Schindler's List? I couldn't help it.
We hadn't been alone in a long time.
It got the better of me.
-During Schindler's List? -We're both living with our parents.
Did anybody see you or say anything? Oh, I don't think so.
I saw Newman, but he didn't see me.
Hello, Mrs.
Seinfeld.
Hello, Newman.
Jerry's not here.
Having a nice trip? Wonderful.
We went to the theater last night.
Oh, the theater.
-Because I was wondering-- -Wondering what? Why I didn't see you at Schindler's List with Jerry.
Well, we already saw it.
Oh, well, it's a good thing for Jerry that you didn't go.
-Why is that? -Well, he really seemed to have his hands full, if you know what I mean? I'm afraid I don't.
Him and his buxom little friend, Rachel were going at it pretty good in the balcony.
-What? -Do I have to spell it out for you? He was moving on her like the stormtroopers into Poland.
Jerry was necking during Schindler's List? Yes.
And a more offensive spectacle I cannot recall.
Anyway, I just really came up to get some detergent.
-Jerry sends his laundry out.
-Oh, right.
Well, it was nice seeing you folks.
Oh, by the way you didn't hear this from me.
Ta-ta.
Hi.
-What? What did I do? -How could you? -How could I what? -You were making out during Schindler's List? What? -No.
-Don't lie, Jerry.
Newman.
-How could you do such a thing? -I couldn't help it.
We hadn't been alone together in a long time.
We started up a little during the coming attractions and the next thing we knew the war was over.
-Hello.
-Jerry.
-It's Jack Klompus.
-Hang on a second.
Dad, it's Klompus.
-Hello.
-Hello, Morty? Listen.
That key doesn't work.
-It's no good.
-You didn't get in? Oh, I got in.
I had to break the window with a rock.
And then I got my hand all cut up reaching in.
-You broke the window? -He broke the window? You wanted those damn boxes, didn't you? He should be on his hands and knees thanking you.
-Did you send them? -Yeah.
They'll be there tomorrow afternoon, 2:00.
Tomorrow afternoon? -Tomorrow afternoon? -Tomorrow afternoon? I told you to send them express.
It was $ 1 0 cheaper in the afternoon than the morning.
I figured, what the hell's the difference? -What did you do about the window? -I gotta fix your window now? All right, all right.
Goodbye.
I don't think we'll make that flight.
What do you mean you won't make it? We have to make the flight.
We're with a charter group.
If we don't, the trip is off.
What's the difference? We'll go someplace else.
Someplace else? What about Paris? You don't understand.
I've come this far.
I can't stop now.
I can't believe that you're doing all this just to sell some stupid raincoats.
You don't understand.
Fashion is cyclical.
This thing could come back.
I think you're out of your mind.
I just don't understand how all those clothes can disappear.
-Moths? -Moths ate three boxes? Well, you know what happens when larvae hatch.
They're everywhere.
You know, I was thinking today.
I never liked those Seinfelds anyway.
He's an idiot altogether.
-Oh, there's Kramer.
-Hello! Hello! Hey.
-Good evening.
-Hope you're hungry.
Paella.
-Here, let me take your coat.
-Oh, yeah.
Thanks, buddy.
-Hey.
-That shirt.
-Where did you get that shirt? -What? That's my cabana shirt.
You stole my shirt, you son of a bitch! George, your friends up in the attic, stealing my clothes! Give me that back.
Give me that.
Give me.
I bought it from Rudy.
Rudy! That skunk! -I knew he didn't burn those clothes! -Who's Rudy? -What clothes? -I sold your clothes yesterday.
You sold my clothes? What do you mean, you sold my clothes? -I didn't think you wore them anymore.
-It's cruise-wear! Kramer.
-I love that shirt.
-Oh, yeah.
That's because it's mine! You look just like Frank on our honeymoon.
Well, thank you.
-Who's this Rudy? -Rudy's the guy buying Morty's raincoats.
Morty Seinfeld? He's a bum.
The whole deal's going down tomorrow.
-Morty's gonna miss his plane for it.
-Missing his plane? -Wasn't that a charter flight? -Yeah.
What happens to charter tickets when you don't use them? Well, I suppose they're wasted.
Yes, I suppose they are.
Tomorrow I'm going straight down to this Rudy and get my clothes.
-A mouse! -Egad! A mouse! In the bedroom! -You want the tickets? -Yes.
You're gonna take this kid to Paris? I get a free trip to Paris.
I go in the Big Brothers' Hall of Fame.
I mail my own postcards.
-You know I'm paying for these tickets.
-It's all right.
I got lunch.
You should've gone to the Costanzas' for dinner.
The paella was magnificent.
Have you ever had really good paella? -Not really.
-It's an orgiastic feast for the senses a wanton festival of sights, sounds and colors and.
Dad, you sure we're at the right carousel? -This is it.
-So how much are we gonna make? Take it easy.
I've been through a million of these negotiations.
Two thousand? Three thousand? That's giving it away.
This is a one-of-a-kind item.
-More? More than 3000? -Just watch me do my thing.
-Say, Dad, isn't that one of yours? -Look at this.
Look how this idiot packed it.
He didn't tape it.
He just flipped the flaps.
Wait.
Hold it.
Kramer, you missed a couple.
Bonjour, welcome to the Gateway to Paris charter flight.
Dad, isn't that your charter group? Honesty.
Hard work.
These are the values that I was raised with.
The most important thing, Joey is to be able to look yourself in the mirror before you sleep.
Hey, I got news for you, four-eyes there's no way you're staying with us in Paris.
You burned them? Those clothes are not yours to burn.
-Who are you, anyways? -I'm the father.
-He said his father was dead.
-He said I was dead? That's right.
Squeezed an extra $25 out of me.
That's what my life is worth to him, $25? -Hey, Frank! -Oh, hey.
I want you to know that I'm retracting our dinner invitation.
You don't have to retract it.
We never went.
I'm retracting that it was ever offered.
I retract your retraction.
What are you, trying to unload some junk of yours? Will you excuse me, please? We're conducting business here.
Keep them.
I'm not interested.
-I thought we had a deal? -That's another one of my shirts! Not buying any more clothes from anyone off the street.
The street? I'm in the raincoat business 35 years.
-Maybe they have moths, like his stuff.
-My clothes don't have moths! Because of his moths, you're not buying my raincoats? -That's right.
-I'm all ticklish.
Flight 433 now boarding for Miami at gate 1 8-A.
-Flight 433 now boarding.
-Okay.
Let's go.
It was so nice of you to come to the airport to see us off.
Are you sure you can't stay a little longer? -No! -No! -Goodbye.
-Bye-bye.
-Take care.
-Okay, Jer.
-Bye-bye, Elaine.
-Bye-bye.
We'll call you when we get home.
Thank you.
I think she meant me, but.
Make sure Kramer uses good tape to send back the raincoats.
-Okay.
-Bye.
-Bye.
-Aaron? Aaron, are you okay? I could've done more.
I could've done so much more.
-You did enough.
-No.
I could've called the travel agency got them on another flight to Paris.
-I could've got them out! -You tried, Aaron.
-It was too expensive.
-This watch.
This watch could've paid for their whole trip.
This ring.
This ring is one more dinner I could've taken them out to.
Water.
-They need some water.
-Why? They'll get dehydrated on the plane! Get the Seinfelds some water! Please! Please! Hi, Mr.
Goldstein.
Is Rachel home? I'm afraid Rachel is not going to see you tonight or any other night for that matter.
-Why? What did I do? -You know very well.
I heard about your behavior at the movies the other night.
It was disgraceful.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
I will not allow my daughter to be involved with someone of such weak moral fiber.
Fortunately, my postman happened to witness the entire incident.
A heavyset fellow.
I believe he lives in your building.
-Now, if you don't mind.
-Rachel.
-Rachel.
-Good night.
So my parents get home, they open the door my father flicks the light on, and the whole place is cleaned out.
-Everything.
-Get out.
-How did that happen? -The broken window.
Klompus never fixed it.
They just walked right in.
Boy, they could use a vacation.
They're taking one.
The travel agent's trying to set something up for them.
So how about that Aaron? You know what drove me crazy about him? Did you ever notice he stood too close to you when he talked? No, I hadn't noticed.
Pair of bear claws, please.
-Hi, Newman.
-Hello, Jerry.
I happened to catch you coming out of Schindler's List the other night.
Oh, were you there? Yes, I was.
-It's a powerful film.
-Yeah.
-Shocking brutality, don't you think? -Shocking.
-Yeah, well, that was nothing.
-Jerry! Jerry! Where the hell is your father? This is the best thing we ever did.
I hope those exterminators know what they're doing.
Forget about them.
Let's just try and relax.
Personal distance is a very important thing.
There's a new personal distance, ATM distance.
When someone's using an ATM, you wanna be about 6 feet back.
Don't you? Because people get edgy around that ATM, don't they? They got their money out, their eyes are darting all around.
The other place I wanna be You want some distance there too.
ATMs and urinals.
I guess whenever someone's taking valuables out of their pants, you wanna give them as much room as possible.