Mike & Molly s05e19 Episode Script

Previously on Mike & Molly Look at you, writing again.
Yeah, new story.
About a young girl coming of age on a hardscrabble farm at the base of the Mudlick mountains.
Mudlick? Th-That's weird.
My mom grew up on a farm in Mudlick.
Oh, no! I have to see Mudlick for myself.
When Hemingway wrote about Paris, he walked those streets.
It's what made it authentic.
You know, she still has a sister down in Mudlick.
No! I didn't know that.
See, that's the kind of stuff I'm hoping to dig into when I drag her down there.
Here she is.
Rosie? You slut! I'll kill you! Why didn't you ever call me? Why do you think? I was wracked with guilt.
I was so stupid.
You were 16.
And stupid.
You know my mom hates drop-bys.
It's not a drop-by.
It's a check-in.
We haven't heard from her in two days.
Or we haven't heard from her in two days.
See? It's all in the way you look at it.
Since when are you so worried about my mom? Since we're a month behind on our book.
After we're done writing, then let the postman find her carcass.
Wow.
Or then let the postman find her carcass.
There you are.
What do you want? Uh, we're just checking in on you.
We don't need to come in.
Good.
Uh See? She's still alive.
Let's go.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Did you hear that music playing in there? Yeah.
So? She hates music.
Unless it's coming out of a pipe organ, she calls it "ear rape.
" Well, she uses that word a lot when she really shouldn't.
There's something going on in there.
Come on, Scooby-Doo, let's not meddle.
No Is it a fella? Do you think she has a fella in there? We have a book to finish.
I don't have time for her to go tom-catting around.
"Fella?" "Tom-catting"" You are spending too much time with the elderly.
What? Listen, Peggy, when we're done with the book, you can pitch woo with as many gentleman callers as you'd like.
But right now, we got work to do.
What are you talking about? Molly thinks you got a guy in there.
Who is it, Margaret? No judgment, Ma.
Have a nice time.
Rosemary! Mike, this is my sister, Rosemary.
Rosemary, your nephew, Mike.
All right, good night.
Aw, how about that? I finally got to meet my aunt.
La, la-Ba-Dee-da La, la-Ba-Dee-da For the first time in my life I see love I see love For the first time in my life I see love And here's your cousin Colby.
Only one of my six who made it out of Mudlick.
Lives in Plattsville, five miles up the road.
Hard to resist the pull of a big city.
Oh, I just can't get over you.
You got that chiseled jaw and strong shoulders just like your grandma.
Really? All my mom ever told me about my shoulders is they almost killed her on the way out.
It was like giving birth to a 14-pound biplane.
I bet you were a roly-poly lump of lovin'.
I guess, yeah.
Peggy, why didn't you tell us that Rosemary was coming for a visit? I just wanted to make sure she and I could both stand to be in the same room together.
Let the alphas sniff each other's behinds before we let the rest of the pack in.
So, is everything smelling okay? Well, the few whiffs we've had have been downright pleasant.
Oh, yeah.
We were just playing records and talking about old times.
Remember seeing Patsy Cline at the State Fair? I never went to the State Fair.
Oh, that's right.
Daddy just took me.
You must have been too young.
Too young for rides and cotton candy? Oh! Oh, there she is after all these years.
"Little Peggy cries a lot.
Always wants what she don't got"" I love that! You know, that it rhymes.
All that's in the past.
I'm just thankful I finally got to meet this big, sweet honey bear! Oh! Wow, Molly, now that's a hug.
- You got to get in on this.
- I know.
I had one in Mudlick.
It's like rolling in a pile of puppies.
Oh, get in here! Oh! I'm good.
When I met Aunt Rosemary, there was an immediate connection.
It's like we always knew each other.
I've never felt that way about another person.
Really? No one else? Ah, Carl.
You just be careful with this so-called aunt.
What are you talking about? The only long-lost relative that I ever came into contact with was some shady cousin who wanted my kidney.
She's not like that.
Oh, you say that now, but wait until you wake up in the middle of the night and she's drawing on your stomach with a magic marker.
Don't be ridiculous.
Aunt Rosemary is sweet, caring, understanding.
And her hugs oh.
Nothing like hugging my mom.
Yeah.
Yeah, I hugged your mom before.
Like squeezing a scarecrow.
At least a scarecrow's warm from spending all day in the sun.
I just can't believe those two women are sisters.
Hey, what are you guys talking about? Ah, I finally got to meet my mother's sister.
Does she want a kidney? No! my aunt is so loving it makes me wonder how I would've turned out - if I was raised by her.
- Mm.
See, now, that's classic nature versus nurture.
Now, are you are who you are because of genetics, or are you the product of your surroundings? See, I think with a loving mother, he would have been more confident.
And more successful.
Certainly thinner.
And definitely better friends.
Very snippy.
See, that's learned behavior right there.
You know, maybe for our vacation, we should go down to Mudlick.
Mm, yeah, no.
I've been there.
It's not just a pretty name.
So get this.
I'm in the squad car today, and my cell phone rings.
It's my mom's number, so I immediately get that pit in my stomach.
Ooh, the "Peggy pit," yeah.
So I start thinking of excuses, you know, to cut the call short: bad reception, or in the middle of chasing an illegal.
Ooh, that's a good one.
Hitting her in the sweet spot.
Yeah, but I didn't need to.
Turns out it was my Aunt Rosemary, just calling to say hi.
No guilt trips, no complaining about the neighbors.
Just wanted to know how my day was going.
That is so nice.
I know! D-Don't get me wrong, I love my mother, blah, blah, blah.
But can you imagine growing up with a mom like Rosemary? I tried.
It's too painful.
I didn't want to say anything, but I snuck out and had coffee with her this morning.
Why didn't you call me? You were at work.
I'm sure we could've found a crime nearby.
I just wanted to give her a few chapters of me and Peggy's book to read.
You know, get a fresh view on Mudlick from a current Mudlicker.
I'll bet she'll love it.
She'll tell you you did a wonderful job, and if people don't like it, they're just jealous.
God, I wish I heard that growing up.
All I got was "find out if your teacher thinks I'm hot"" Hi, Peggy.
What are you doing here? Oh, we were just in the neighborhood, thought we'd stop and see Aunt Rosemary.
And you.
'Cause you're here, too.
You didn't call ahead, so no warning, no bra, no complaints.
No problem, no looking.
Oh, hey, Molly.
Hey! There's my sweet nephew.
Oh! Ooh! Ooh, we're stuck.
I can't let go.
I don't know what we're gonna do.
I guess we'll just have to keep hugging! All right, break it up.
This ain't France.
Oh, thank you for letting me read this.
Some very interesting things in here.
In where? I gave her the last few chapters of our book.
What'd you do that for? Well, it might be your life story, Peggy, but she lived it, too.
I'm sorry, dear, but I didn't live any of this.
And you didn't either, Peggy.
What are you talking about? Every word in there is true.
Oh, nonsense.
You make it out like we were raised in hell by the Devil himself.
That farm was my hell.
All I know is you'll never be happy if you only look at the negative in things.
I see what I see.
At least I'm not some Pollyanna living in denial.
All right, ladies, let's not argue.
Yeah, let's just go put on our bras and have a nice visit.
Look, if you want to blame the world for how you turned out, that's your business.
But based on what I read, we grew up in two different houses.
So I'm a liar? No.
You're bitter and spiteful, and you have no one to blame for who you are but yourself.
Get out! Peggy.
Happy to.
What is wrong with you? Only you could manage to throw the nicest woman in the world out of your house.
If she's so wonderful, why don't you join her? Ugh, alienate everybody, Ma.
That's why all your stories end with you alone.
I'm gonna go help her pack; she can stay with us.
Come on.
Peggy, you don't want your sister to leave.
She's not my sister.
I don't have a sister anymore.
You go see if she's okay.
I get it.
More fresh biscuits.
Who's ready? I'd love to, but sadly I'm full.
Oh, wait, it was just the table cinching my stomach.
I got room.
No offense, Mom, but I did not realize until now what a horrible cook you are.
Oh none taken.
Rosemary, I know this is sudden, but will you marry us? I'd get down on one knee, but at this point I don't think I'd be able to get back up again.
That's flattering, but the only threesome I know that ever worked were the Father, Son and Holy Ghost.
Let's agree to disagree.
Mike, come on.
I just think it would be a good idea if you made up with her.
She's your mother.
Oh, no, you're just trying to throw me into the lion's den so she doesn't eat you alive.
Yes! She's miserable even when she's happy.
Look, I could spend all day worrying about her, or I can enjoy the day getting to know my aunt.
One is causing me grief, one is making me pancakes.
It ain't exactly Sophie's Choice.
Vince, tap out! I'm up! Maybe we should start going over some of the stuff we've already written.
You know, just make sure it still rings true.
So you think I'm a liar, too.
Wha? No, I don't.
But memory is a funny thing.
You know, last week, I could've sworn that I pulled that nozzle out of the gas tank before I drove away.
And then I get home, and I see ten feet of hose dangling from my car, and I had to tell myself, "I may have remembered wrong.
" Hey, you may be an idiot, but I'm not a liar.
You know, I'm trying to help you here.
You make it very hard.
I don't need help from anybody.
Let's just finish the damn book and be done with it.
Fine.
This is my story.
I know what went on in that house.
You lived it.
Exactly.
Let's just forget about Rosemary and get writing.
Great.
Rosemary was always the perfect one.
Always said the right thing, got good grades.
You know what it's like to grow up in the shadow of a sister like that? I kind of am that sister.
Maybe I was to blame.
I never made it easy for people to love me.
Daddy said I was born sour.
I guess he was right.
You're not sour.
You're tangy.
Don't sugarcoat it.
I'm a big pain in the ass.
Nobody wants to be around that.
Ah, I got to stop feeling sorry for myself.
We got a book to write.
You know what, if it helps, I do believe you.
Thanks.
It doesn't.
There's that tang! Watch his cowlick.
That thing loves to pop up like a prairie dog.
You know, we're supposed to spend the day together, not run my errands.
Oh, honey, this is a joy for me.
Taking care of my nephew, seeing where he works.
Boy, they sure did love you down at the precinct.
The captain of the SWAT team wants your recipe for snickerdoodles.
I can't believe all those boys thought I was your mother.
I look nothing like her.
Well, I think the confusion is that they've never met her.
Ten years on the force, and you never brought Peggy to see where you work? Well, they like me there; I don't want to mess that up.
You know, it's a shame it took us all these years to finally connect.
Yeah, you'd think Mom could have swallowed her pride and took me down there to meet you just once.
Well, don't be too hard on her.
She's always been stubborn.
And holds a grudge, too.
A lady at church made the mistake of buying the same hat as her.
She glared at her every Sunday until that woman became a Lutheran.
Oh, I know all about that side of her.
The Christmas I got a bike, she got sheets for her bed.
You'd think the world was ending.
Well, um, sheets are kind of a crappy Christmas present.
Yeah, that's what "Peggy cries-a-lot" said.
Felt so sorry for herself.
If we hadn't ignored her little pity party, it would've ruined Christmas for everybody.
Well, wasn't Christmas kind of ruined for her? Well, it was her own fault.
If she'd just smiled every once in a while and appreciated what she did have, maybe I wouldn't have been the only one Daddy took to Patsy Cline or gave a horse to for graduating grade school.
Well, that doesn't seem exactly fair.
Well, life ain't fair.
That's what Daddy always told Peggy.
And if she ain't learned that yet, she never will.
That explains a lot.
My goodness.
With this buzz cut, you look even more like your grandma.
Peggy, don't get down about today.
Some days, you give me 20 pages of gold, and, well, sometimes you The point is, just don't get too down about it.
I'm not.
I blame you.
Hey.
What do you want? To talk.
Can you give us a minute, sweetie? Oh.
Yeah, sure.
I'll I'll just be in the kitchen.
I am gonna listen.
I just I just want to be up front about that.
Listen, uh I-I don't want to rehash what happened last night.
You mean where you backstabbed me by siding with my sister? Yeah, that's the part I didn't want to rehash.
I saw how you were with her.
Ma No, I get it.
Rosemary's easy to love, always has been.
But we are who we are.
It's not your fault.
No? Maybe it is, but I don't care.
I might be a tough nasty piece of gristle, but whatever I was, whatever I did, somehow it made you.
And I wouldn't change that for the world.
Neither would I.
There you go, now squeeze.
I feel ridiculous.
You'll get used to it.
Incoming! All right, and this is our precinct room.
Everybody, this is my mother.
Well, who was the other lady? Like I said, this is my mother.
Hey.
Which one's Kilpatrick? He always gives me the brush off when I call about the hippie neighbors.
Always parking their commie Prius in front of my house.
Uh, yeah, he-he's got the day off.
Nice to see you, Mother Biggs.
Hello, Carlton.
Oh, somebody's been practicing.
Okay, it's not a dance marathon.
All right, we should get going.
We need to get you your mug shot, and let you badger the drunks down in the holding tank.
You are good to your mother.