Frasier s05e21 Episode Script

-Hello, Niles.
- Frasier, listen to this.
"Michael Hawkins of Allentown, Pennsylvania, has donated his right lung to his younger brother, Clovis.
" "Says Hawkins, 'l got two lungs, but I only got one brother'.
" Isn't that something? The love one brother feels for the other.
What do you want? I need you to come to a dog show with me.
I would rather give you a lung.
- Latte, please.
- Frasier, I beg you.
It's at the Seattle Kennel Club tomorrow night and Maris will be there.
In what class will Maris be showing? She'll be showing no class.
As she has ever since she hooked up with Dr Schenkman.
It's my first time seeing them since we filed for divorce.
Here's an idea, Niles.
Don't go.
If I don't go people will think I've let Maris and Schenkman intimidate me.
I want to prove that I'm strong and independent and I can't do that alone.
All right.
If it's moral support you need, I'll go with you.
I'll pick you up around eight.
And I have a patient.
Thank you.
I knew I could count on you.
Some things never change.
Do you know where I can get a cheap hotel room? Case in point.
Goodbye, Roz.
Why do you need a hotel room? They're still painting my new place.
I can't be around those fumes.
And they've rented my old apartment.
Grande decaf latte, please.
I am on the street.
You ordered a $4 cup of coffee.
"On the street" may be a tad dramatic.
I've got to call around, see if I can find something.
Dad is going to San Francisco for the weekend.
You could always stay with me.
That would sure make things easier.
OK.
Well, then, that's settled.
That's that, then.
You didn't really expect me to take you up on it.
No.
I wouldn't have offered if it wasn't something I wanted to do.
- All right.
- Here you go.
And there's your check.
- I'll get that.
- No, let me get that.
OK, thanks.
Lucky me.
I'm getting everything I want today.
- It's about time.
- Calm down, Dad.
I was getting worried.
My plane leaves at five o'clock.
- Your blood pressure medicine.
- I don't need it.
Pack it anyway! What's this? Earrings? I picked them up for Daphne at the drug store.
She ran some errands for me.
- Nice.
Are they sapphires? - Yes.
I always buy precious stones at the same counter where I pick up corn pads and Wart-Be-Gone.
- Shouldn't you be going? - There's something I want to give you.
A token of my appreciation.
- Dr Crane, you remembered.
- Of course I did.
Can you believe it was five years ago today that I came to work here? I knew you wouldn't let an important occasion like this go by unnoticed.
- But I wasn't expecting a gift.
- Well, it's a tiny gift.
Oh, my God! Sapphires.
- Actually, Daphne - These must have cost a fortune.
My friend Molly got a diamond bracelet from her boss but she worked for him for ten years and she was sleeping with him.
I got sapphires and I didn't even have to sleep with you.
Although now that I've got the sapphires What am I saying? Is it rude if I go and try these on? I have to see what they look like.
I've never had real jewellery.
I'm speechless.
Dear God, she believes they're genuine sapphires.
- You think? - I'll have to tell her the truth.
Why? Didn'tyou see how happy she was? I can't let herthink I gave her something I didn't.
Honesty between friends is far more precious than any gem.
I feel like a princess.
I'm never going to take them off.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
You even remembered that sapphires are my birthstone.
- There's no end to your thoughtfulness.
- Somebody has to keep track.
- I should be getting to the airport.
- I'll get my keys.
No, absolutely not.
I'll drive Mr Crane.
You're not lifting a finger.
You ring for the elevator, I'll grab me coat.
My flight's at five.
They told me to get there an hour early.
- Did you pack your medicine? - Yes, but I told you, I don't need it.
- Hey, guys.
- Frasier, help her with that stuff.
- Thanks for letting me use your room.
- No problem.
So you're off to San Francisco? Duke and l took our shore leave there in '52.
- Going to re-trace our steps.
- Sure sounds like fun.
We had a great time.
No place like 'Frisco for a guy cruising the streets Iooking for a good time.
You know, Dad, I think you'll find that 'Frisco hasn't changed all that much.
Well, I hope not.
Bye.
Hey, Roz.
Just off to the airport.
Back in a bit.
See you later.
Come in.
You're earlier than I expected.
I had to get out sooner than I thought.
I left you a message.
I didn't check my machine all day today.
Thank you so much for this.
You won't even know I'm here.
You have 13 messages.
I had my calls forwarded.
I hope you don't mind.
Hey, Roz, it's Marco.
I'm coming to town.
Are you busy Saturday night Iate? Call me.
Obviously Marco and I haven't talked for a long time.
Something tells me you never talked for a long time.
Roz? This is Paula Garrett, Rick's mom.
We just found out about the baby, and we think it's important to meet you.
We're seeing Rick in Paris day after tomorrow, so any time before then would be fine.
I'm running out now.
Maybe I'll try you later.
Oh, my God.
What do they want? They want to meet you.
They are your child's grandparents.
I worked this out with Rick.
He's 20 years old, still in college and it's best if I raise this baby by myself.
I've got to put up with in-laws and I don't even have a husband.
That's like posing nude for your art teacher and still flunking the course.
Shut up, I needed the credit.
- All they want is a short meeting.
- That's what they say now.
What ifthey want another one after that? What if they don't think I'm a fit mother? What if they're nice, supportive people? I just don't want to do this, Frasier.
It's not comfortable.
Roz I could go with you ifyou like.
Better yet, we could have them here tomorrow night.
Niles and I have that dog show at eight.
They could come before that.
I don't know.
- I'll be that's Mrs Garrett.
- I'm not here.
Hello? Yes, she is.
Yes, she did get your message.
No, I'm afraid she won't be able to meet you.
Yes, I understand that you're upset.
I'm terribly sorry.
Goodbye.
Thank you, Frasier.
Thank you.
That was Marco.
Now we're calling Mrs Garrett.
All right, give it to me straight.
How do I look? Like Pollyanna grew up and got herself in a little trouble.
Why am I doing this? How did I let you talk me into this? It will mean a lot to them.
You can learn about your baby's lineage.
A lot ofthings are inherited, you know, like intelligence, artistic ability - I've got to check my make-up.
- Roz, this should be fun.
It's like a little preview ofwho your child might be.
Hi, there.
Steve Garrett.
- My wife's just Honey? - It was nice seeing you, too.
What a coincidence.
Your neighbour goes to my hair salon.
Hi, I'm Paula.
Frasier Crane.
Won't you please come in? Roz will be out in a second.
She just went to powder her self.
We hope this isn't too awkward for her.
She sounded anxious on the phone.
Who could blame her? She doesn't know what kind of people we are.
A situation like this is enough to make anyone a little nervous.
Roz isn't the nervous type.
Roz? This is Steve and Paula Garrett.
We don't blame you for being shocked.
We're used to it.
You should see the looks we get.
You were taken aback, weren't you, Dr Crane? - Certainly not.
- Everyone comments on it.
I must admit when I opened the door l Couldn't believe we were old enough to have a 20-year-old son.
Exactly.
You know, you both look so young, don't they, Roz? Yes, young.
Very, very young.
Roz, you're uncomfortable but we have no intention of intruding on your life.
Rick told us how wonderful you are.
We just wanted to offer any help or support you think is appropriate.
Thanks.
That's very nice.
I thought your guests might be a little peckish.
Daphne Moon, Steve and Paula Garrett.
Hello, l I know, it's amazing.
They are the parents of a 20-year-old.
Amazing.
Excuse me.
Niles, you're early.
I thought you might want to grab a bite to eat before the dog show.
I'm sorry, I didn't realise that you had Company.
Steve and Paula Garrett, this is my brother Niles Crane.
The Garretts are the grandparents-to-be of Roz's baby.
- Nice to meet you.
- Did I hear you mention a dog show? The Seattle Kennel Club is having its annual event.
Steve and I went to that a few years ago.
We have two giant Schnauzers.
My goodness, Paula, look at the view.
Roz, show the Garretts the view.
That would be nice.
I could use a breath of fresh air.
Just stop it, the two ofyou.
You're acting like a couple of two-year-olds.
- I'm home.
- Dad.
What are you doing here? 'Frisco was a bust.
All our watering holes are gone.
The steakhouse was a sushi bar.
And Duke and I went out for a walk.
We passed City Hall and there's this big crowd, like a pep rally or something.
So we joined them.
Some official guy says something that we didn't hear.
Then everybody's throwing rice and all the men are kissing each other and all the women are kissing each other and I'm not sure, but I think Duke and I may be married.
The whole weekend was like that.
Just one surprising event - I'm sorry.
Did we startle you? - No, I didn't know we had company.
Dad, this is Steve and Paula Garrett.
They're Rick's parents.
Hi, how are you? Nice to meet you.
Marty Crane.
They're just on their way to Paris to visit Rick.
That sounds like fun.
I'm just a little nervous.
I hear the Parisians can be kind of snooty.
Excuse me.
I've got something in the oven.
- Let me help you.
- Yeah, me, too.
We've got to stop.
They'll hear us.
- Mmm, what's that I smell? - Probably Japan.
What is the matter with you people? Don't say you don't think this is funny? They are two perfectly nice people who happen to have large noses.
Sniggering like school children.
Ifyou can't get yourself under control, you can just stay in here.
- Quiche Lorraine, anyone? - Quiche her? I hardly know her.
- That smells wonderful.
- Does it ever.
Is this homemade or store-bought? Honey, don't ask that.
Pardon my wife.
Sometimes she gets a little nosy.
Me nosy? You're the nosy one in the family.
Anyone who knows you knows you're nosy.
Anyone who knows you knows you're nosier.
Something wrong, Fras? Quiche her, I hardly know her.
I just got that.
In spite of a shaky beginning, this evening's turned out rather well.
Yeah.
And you were absolutely right, Frasier.
Now I can see some ofthe qualities my baby can have.
A great sense of humour and a sweet disposition, a nose like an anteater.
You're making a big deal out of nothing.
Rick had a fine nose.
And so do you.
I'm sure your baby will have one, too.
You're right.
If Rick can beat those genes, my baby has a chance.
How long have you been working for Dr Crane? Five years yesterday.
He gave me a beautiful pair of sapphire earrings - to mark the occasion.
- Frasier gave you sapphires? - Who's for coffee? - I'll take some.
You must show those earrings to Steve.
He's a jeweller.
He could probably even tell you what mine the stones came from.
Maybe coffee's a bad idea.
You've got that early flight.
Daphne, could you take this back in the kitchen? One of me earrings must have fallen off.
- We'll help you find it.
- What does it look like? Once you've seen one sapphire, you've seen them all.
That's not true.
They vary widely in quality.
Why don't you just get up and we have to get going.
We have plenty in here to form a search party.
- We'll just trample each other.
- We do have a big day tomorrow.
You might as well get a little sleep before you take off.
I might be able to replace the earring.
Let me see the other one.
I found it.
Here it is.
I knew I would.
Bon voyage.
- Dr Crane - No, Daphne, just a second.
It was wonderful of you to come.
Thank you for having us.
Roz, it was great meeting you.
- Our door is always open.
- Have a great trip.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Can I have it then? I'm sorry, it was just a piece of lint.
Well, the search continues.
The one precious thing anyone's ever bought me in my whole stinking life - and I lose it.
- Daphne, I found it.
Dr Crane, I could kiss you.
OK.
- What's this? - Nothing.
The setting's come loose.
It's only blue on top.
The bottom's all coppery.
Dr Crane.
I know what you're thinking, and you are right.
Obviously, l You've been swindled.
Where did you buy these? I want to take these back and tell that lying cheat exactly what I think of him.
- Actually, you just did.
- You knew? - Niles, how about a cup of coffee? - Thanks, Roz.
Cream and sugar.
I'm terribly sorry, Daphne.
I actually meant to tell you eventually.
You didn't need to.
Her earlobe's turning green.
Daphne, the truth is I didn't remember your anniversary.
I saw them and I thought they were pretty.
So I bought them for you and you thought theywere genuine.
You seemed so happy, l They are pretty.
I suppose I can have them repaired.
I'll just take them back to the jewellery store.
Actually, I bought them at Raymond's.
Raymond's Drug Store? The good news is they'll probably carry something for that ear infection.
I almost forgot.
Roz, I brought you something.
I thought you might get a kick out of these pictures of Ricky as a boy.
Thank you.
That is so nice ofyou.
- Where is he? I don't see him.
- There, in the middle.
- He looks so different.
- That was before his hockey accident.
The nose job changed his whole face.
The doctor did a good job, but that's the Ricky you'll see in the baby.
- Well, thanks.
- You're welcome.
And bye again.
- Take care now.
Good to see you.
- Thanks.
Oh, my God! Come on, Roz.
It can't be that bad.
Let me see.
- No, I'll never hear the end of it.
- Please.
Where is the end of it? Roz, you're not still looking at that picture, are you? No, this is a different one.
Look at the way the ears on this poor little girl stick out.
It's me.
Age nine.
The year before I got them fixed.
Sorry, Roz.
I didn't recognise you with those glasses.
- Why is one side blacked out? - I had a lazy eye.
I got that fixed the next year.
Let's just say for birthdays, I wasn't asking for ponies.
You poor thing.
What if my kid gets Rick's nose and my ears and eyes? With my grandfather's third nipple, I might as well pitch a tent and charge admission.
Nothing like that's going to happen.
I just hate the idea of my kid being teased.
I know what that's like.
As long as my baby's in here, I can protect it.
But pretty soon this kid's going to be out there on his own.
Every child goes through a bit of teasing.
It's part of growing up.
At least yours will have a mother who understands what it feels like.
And you'll know what to say to make it better.
I really hadn't thought of it that way.
I'm good at finding the positive in things.
Look at what happened to me tonight.
I could say I worked for someone for five years and he forgot my anniversary and bought me a worthless piece of blue glass.
But I'd rather say he gave me a nice pair of earrings just because he thought I'd like them.
Which is sweet when you think about it.
- Frasier will be relieved to hear that.
- I'm not going to tell him.
- I'm ready for bed.
- Yeah, me, too.
Thanks again, Daphne.
You're welcome.
I just felt a big kick.
You sure it wasn't a sneeze? It's the last one.
I promise.