Desperate Housewives s06e04 Episode Script

Previously on Desperate Housewives.
A proposal was made Your niece came to my restaurant, asked me for a hostessing job.
- I'm sorry.
another was broken.
- Katherine, you don't have to - Mike, please.
A secret was kept Carlos is going to find out about this thing eventually.
By then, I will have proved I can do the job, pregnant or not.
She's still unconscious.
I'd like to run some tests.
another, revealed.
Julie's pregnant.
Bree Van De Kamp was having an affair.
And whenever her lover called, she needed an excuse to leave work early.
I'm off to the jewelers.
Got to get my pearls restrung.
I'm off to the salon.
Got to keep this red hair red.
I have to visit my aunt in the hospital.
She has shingles.
But on this particular day, Bree was surprised to find her work had been done for her.
- Morning! - Katherine, it's barely 9:00.
How long have you been cooking? I don't know.
Since 3:00, 4:00? You don't need to do this whole luncheon by yourself.
Oh, I don't mind.
When I'm happy, I have all this excess energy.
- Got to channel it somewhere.
- You must be pretty darn happy.
Any particular reason? Isn't it obvious? - I'm in love.
- That's wonderful! Why didn't you tell me you were seeing someone? You know what? It doesn't matter.
The main thing is, you're finally over Mike.
I'm not over Mike.
- You're not? - No, silly.
Who did you think I was in love with? - But Mike just married Susan.
- Oh, honey.
Their first marriage went down in flames.
This one's going to crash even faster.
They're not even sleeping together.
What makes you say that? Last night, the light in their upstairs den was on at 3:00 a.
m.
That doesn't mean anything.
Maybe Susan wanted to read without waking him.
No.
Mike made a mistake and he knows it.
He's just waiting for Julie to feel better, and then he'll dump Susan and beg me to take him back.
So, grab an apron.
We still have dessert to make.
I'm thinking tarte tatin.
It's Mike's favorite.
We'll make an extra one for him.
Poor Bree.
She wanted to help her friend.
But she didn't have time to deal with Katherine's imaginary lover.
Oh.
I have a teeth cleaning, so I won't be able to help you.
Not when she had a real one.
You wouldn't know it to look at him, but that nice man who delivers your mail hits his wife.
You'd never guess by her smile, but that nice woman across the street embezzles from her boss.
And that attractive couple who jogs by every morning, well, they like their cocaine.
The sad truth is, we don't know our friends and neighbors nearly as well as we think we do.
Even the people we love keep secrets.
I need coffee.
This isn't helping you get your coffee.
Whatever, it's waking me up.
Hey, bud.
Hey, what are you still doing home? I thought you had a morning class.
Actually, I'm thinking about quitting school.
What? Yeah, I thought I might get a job.
Danny, our family's been in this country five generations.
It's time one of us got a diploma.
Okay.
What's going on? Talk to me.
No one talks to me at school, no one sits near me, and everybody thinks I'm the perv who attacked Julie.
Look, this is a temporary thing.
The police are going to catch this guy, and everyone will know you were innocent.
Yeah, but meanwhile, I'm the campus freak.
Baby, do me a favor.
Let's talk about this later.
If you go to school today, we'll figure something out when you get home.
Okay? - Okay.
- Okay.
Why are you being so nice to him? There's no way we are letting him drop out of school.
I know that.
But we have to be careful here.
You know Danny, when he gets unhappy, he gets sloppy.
Says all sorts of things he shouldn't.
Okay.
So, now all we've got to do is figure out how to make a teenager happy.
- Damn it! - What's the matter? Oh Nothing fits.
My breasts have gotten huge! Yeah, I hate it when that happens.
Every time I'm pregnant, second trimester, like clockwork.
Bam! - Why are you smiling? - Why do you think? The Supremes are back.
What did I tell you about naming them after musical groups? I know.
It's just that Bennie and the Jets are so happy to see them.
This is serious.
I have to hide these things at work so Carlos doesn't find out I'm pregnant.
- What am I going to do with you guys? - I got some ideas.
Hey, hey, I've got a meeting.
But they're only like this for two weeks until they get all sore and then you give me that "don't touch me" look.
Okay.
Goodbye, Tom.
Come on, no, Lynette, come on, call in sick.
Kids get snow days, we could call it a boob day.
Okay, it is way too early for the "don't touch me" look.
So, I waited around all morning, Carlos, for that repairman that you told me to call and he never showed.
No, I'm not done.
I'm sharing my day with you.
Then your children took my $300 perfume and gave their dolls a bath.
Yes, I spent $300 on perfume.
But you're missing the point! Really? You don't like it when I yell? Well, how about this? I have taken care of your demon spawn children for 12 hours.
My shift is over! So, are you having fun working at the restaurant? I'm having fun working with you.
Well, look who's here.
- Hi, Gabrielle.
- I was talking to her.
So, I thought I was going to pick you up.
- John offered to give me a ride.
- And I appreciated the company.
Okay, time to go inside.
Someone's got homework.
- Bye.
- Night.
You remember homework, John, that thing that kids in high school have to do? I remember it.
I think you used to help me with mine.
- What are you doing with her, John? - I take care of my employees.
Really? Do you drive the busboys home, too? I will pick her up from now on.
Come on.
Hey, there.
- How's she doing? - Much better.
The doctor says the swelling in her brain has subsided and she could come to at any moment.
- That's terrific.
- Mmm.
Julie, you should see the flowers Andrew brought you.
They're gorgeous.
It's the least I could do.
Julie knows how I feel about her.
Don't you, Jules? I love that you two have stayed friends all these years.
Yeah, well, we kind of lost touch when she was in med school, but ever since she quit, we talk all the time.
- She quit med school? - I thought she told you.
It was six months ago.
She's been out of school for six months? You are so lucky you're in a coma right now.
What has she been doing all this time? She didn't know what she wanted to do with her life, so, while she was deciding, she got herself a job waiting tables.
Did you just say "waiting tables"? - I thought she - Told me? Yeah.
No, she didn't.
This is unreal.
Yesterday, I found out Julie thought she was pregnant.
And now I'm finding out that my daughter the surgeon is actually my daughter the waitress.
I'm going to need a moment.
- Take your time.
I'll just - Wait! The guy! - What guy? - Julie was seeing some guy.
You two talk all the time.
What do you know? Now would be an excellent time to wake up and help me.
Andrew! Who is he? He may be the one that attacked her.
All I know is there was a guy.
I don't know his name.
Please.
Why would she tell you she was seeing someone - and not say who? - Because he's married.
- What've you got there? - Mints.
Mints? Mints that are "ribbed for her pleasure"? Yeah, we found a whole box of them under Ana's bed.
- Ana! - Can I have one before dinner? No! No, you can't eat these.
These aren't mints.
They're balloons.
- Yay! - Grown-up balloons.
Do you and Daddy play with them? If we did, you and I wouldn't be having this conversation.
Nice knock.
- What're these? - Well, those are condoms.
You see, when a boy and a girl like each other Shut it.
Juanita and Celia found these under your bed.
Okay, I want a lock on my door.
I've got news for you.
That is not where the lock is going to go.
This is really none of your business.
Sorry, 17 plus condoms, totally my business.
What's the story? Are you sleeping with John Rowland? Aunt Gabby, he's my boss.
Ah! And the Oscar goes to Not you! Okay, fine.
But we haven't done anything.
- Yet.
- Yet? Why is there a yet? I love him.
Did you hear me? I said I love him.
I heard you.
I was swallowing vomit.
You and John, not going to happen.
What is it about John that gets you so crazy? He was just your gardener.
I'm not crazy.
And this conversation is over.
I promised the girls they could fill these with water and drop them off the roof.
Come on, kids, let's go.
Hey, Porter, can I talk to you? Hey, Mrs.
Bolen.
Sorry, I've got to go pick up Penny from school.
Whoa! - This'll just take a minute.
- Okay.
So, this Friday night, what do you say you help me throw Danny a little party at our place? - A party? - Yeah, he needs to make some friends.
He's a little shy, and this whole thing with Julie has not helped.
Okay, here's the thing.
Danny and I don't hang out.
We don't have that much in common.
Well, Danny likes money.
Do you like money? Sure.
See, you do have something in common.
- Are you bribing me? - No.
This is to pay for the party.
And of course, if there's a little left over And I almost forgot.
You can't have a party without beer.
Okay, is this a trick? Is my mother hiding in the bushes to see if I take the bait? I just want him to have a good time, so make sure you invite some nice people.
Maybe a couple of cute girls.
Anything for my good friend Danny.
All right, how about this one? It's a lovely four-tier cake with pink fondant.
Hmm.
Okay, well, after showing you I've learned that "hmm" means "no".
But you're getting married in two days.
So, unless you want to shove wedding Jell-O into each others' faces, you really need to make a decision.
I'm sorry.
We just want everything to be perfect, and Ooh.
What's this one? Oh, this must be a new design by my partner, Katherine.
You like it? - I love it! - Wonderful.
Now, what flavor do you want? I would suggest a classic white cake, with raspberry genoise.
Hmm.
Hey, Carlos, you notice anything different about Lynette? What are you talking about? Check her out in this photo from the Christmas party last year.
Before.
After.
Whoa! Lynette got implants? Definitely.
Look at those puppies.
- Wait a minute.
Aren't you gay? - You can't ask me that.
Well, if you're not, I'm going to have to punch you in the face for checking out my married friend.
So gay! Judy-Liza-Barbra gay! Proud member since '89! So, for the third quarter, net income increased by 20% compared to - What are you looking at? - Sorry, Lynette.
I just I know.
- You know what? - Your little secret.
Oh.
God.
You know about the twins? Well, I mean, yeah, I have eyes.
Okay, first of all, this was not planned.
- It wasn't? - God, no.
Tom and I went out to dinner, he got me drunk, and the next thing I knew Ah So, Tom's responsible for all this.
- Well, who else? - God, you are such a good wife.
I wish you'd talk to Gabby, get her to jump on the bandwagon.
Doesn't Gabby already have her hands full with the two she's got? Hmm, they're okay.
I always thought we could do better.
What? You know, Gabby really looks up to you.
If she knew you got a boob job, she might consider it.
- A boob job? - Sorry, breast enhancement.
Just give her the name of your doctor.
He did great work.
Oh.
Oh, no, I Okay.
Got it.
Sure.
By the way, let this be a lesson to you, don't try to hide things from me.
- I'm a little too sharp for that.
- Okay.
- Susan? - Here.
Hey, I just got called on a job, but it's just a busted water main, so I should be back by Whoa! - What happened here? - I came across Julie's journal.
- Okay.
- She never says his name.
- Whose name? - The married man she's been seeing.
She doesn't use his name.
She just uses the initial, "D.
" Why would she use a code in her own journal? Because she's afraid her mom might come across it.
Okay, I know that I'm invading her privacy.
I mean, screw it.
This is an emergency.
I bet this "D" is the sick bastard who And you know the worst part? I read this, and it's like it was written by a stranger.
I mean, who is this girl? She dropped out of med school, she leaves her full scholarship to wait tables, and then when she came back, she started an affair with a married man.
I don't know that Julie.
I mean, what is going on with her? Hello? Really? You can ask her yourself.
She's awake.
- Dr.
Hill, how is she? Can I see her? - Yeah, just so you know, she doesn't remember anything about being attacked.
She's very tired and needs her rest.
So, just sit with her, okay? - No questions.
- Of course.
I'll just sit.
Oh, Julie, it is so good to see you awake.
- Hey, Mom.
- How are you feeling? Wait, I forgot, the doctor said no questions, so I'm just going to sit here and look at you.
Thanks.
I'm really tired.
Well, you just sleep, baby.
- Just so you know, you're not pregnant.
- What? Well, Lynette said you were scared you might be.
- But you're not.
So, yay! - She shouldn't have told you that.
Oh.
Now I've upset you.
I'm sorry.
Just ignore me, you sleep.
Okay.
If you want, I could tell your boyfriend that you're better.
My boyfriend? Well, I knew you thought that you were pregnant.
And I don't see you going the turkey baster route, so I just assumed that you had a boyfriend, - and I could call him for you.
- Mom.
Unless you think he strangled you because he's married.
I don't want to talk about this now.
Then we won't.
I'm not even here.
You just rest.
How can I rest when you come in here with all these questions? Have I asked you one single question? I mean, besides that one.
- I think you should go.
- Julie, please, I am your mom.
There is not a thing that you can't tell me.
I know.
And I'm telling you to go.
Okay.
I miss you, too.
A peach nightgown.
Why? Karl, we're not doing this on the phone again.
If you can't sleep, take a pill.
Katherine, I'm glad you're here.
We really need to talk.
If it's about ordering the tents for the Henderson reunion, already done.
I saw you at Mike and Susan's last night.
- You were spying on me? - I am not the spy in this story.
Okay, you saw me.
Want to know what I saw? - No - Susan went to bed early and Mike watched a ball game.
Does that sound like a marriage to you? That sounds exactly like a marriage.
All I know is, it was really nice to watch a ball game with Mike again.
Through a window.
Katherine, you are losing your grip here.
Mike loves Susan.
He's not coming back to you.
And if you can't accept that, then you really need to get some help.
You just cannot stand to see me happy, can you? Okay, I realize you're upset, but Because you know that once I get Mike back, I am going to have more in my life than just work.
And I'm not going to be able to do your job for you.
- Excuse me? - You're never here anymore, Bree.
You're always so busy these days.
But you're never too busy to take bows for the food that I cooked! And I am tired of carrying you.
Okay, well, that's going to stop right now, because I am putting you on sick leave for three weeks, effective immediately.
- I'm not sick.
- Yes, you are.
Now go.
You've got some admirers out there.
Oh? Yeah.
As you walked by, I heard one of them say, "Check out the rack on that one.
" Ah.
Can I do the honors and call security? No.
And here's why.
They're the Bertollini Brothers.
They've got a $200 million pension fund they're looking for somebody to run.
Why are you telling this to the rack? Just listen.
We take them to dinner.
They admire the girls up close and personal.
Then we close the deal.
And then they leave the money on the dresser, right? - What, you're mad? - Yeah, of course I'm mad.
- You can't use my breasts as bait.
- Where do you get this attitude? Come on, you don't buy Christmas ornaments unless you're going to hang them on a tree.
Okay, bad metaphor.
My point is, why would you get those things if you don't want people looking at them? I guess I wouldn't have.
Okay.
- When do we do this? - Tomorrow night.
And if it makes you feel any better, buy yourself a new dress, on the company.
A man just gave me a credit card because of my boobs.
That makes me feel less like a hooker.
- John! - Hey, Gabby.
- What's up? - If my niece has her way, her skirt! Excuse me? You pulled out the old John Rowland charm, and now Ana has fallen for you.
So, she has a little crush.
I think it's sweet.
No, no, no.
Sweet would be doodling your name in her notebook.
Ana bought condoms, in what looked like a value pack.
Wow, I had no idea she was that serious.
I mean, I was only flirting with her a little.
Well, she's 17, so you're also flirting with an orange jumpsuit.
You're pretty worked up about this.
You should be, too.
If you lay one finger on Ana, Carlos will knock every tooth out of your mouth, which will make you pretty darn popular in prison.
Look, I'm not really into Ana.
Okay? I was flirting with her to see if you still cared.
And obviously you do.
- No, I don't.
- Really? If you weren't jealous, then why'd you forbid me to drive Ana home? Because I remember what you could accomplish in a parked car.
Look, I think about those days a lot, Gabby.
I was just a kid.
You know, I had to mow lawns for a living.
And I couldn't offer you anything but sex.
But now I can offer you so much more.
- What are you talking about? - I have a lot of money now, Gabby.
And you're stuck in a house with two kids and a husband who's never home.
And when I saw you again with macaroni and cheese on your T-shirt, I said to myself, "What a shame.
"This gorgeous woman should be sipping champagne on a yacht.
" - So, what, you're going to rescue me? - Tell me you're not unhappy.
I'm not.
Why don't I believe you? Ana, wait! - Carlos! - He isn't home yet.
Ana, we have to talk.
You knew that I liked him.
How could you do this? Okay, what you saw wasn't what you thought it was.
Did you slip and your tongue accidentally fell into John's mouth? I didn't kiss John.
John kissed me.
And no tongues were involved.
Yeah, well, you have your version, I have mine.
We'll see which one Uncle Carlos believes.
Okay, Ana, I'm going to tell you something.
Ten years ago, John Rowland and I had an affair.
Your Uncle Carlos knows about it.
A lot of people got hurt.
But we survived it.
I have no more feelings for John.
But today I found out he still has feelings for me.
I saw you staring at this the other day.
I didn't understand it then.
Now I do.
Ana I was staring at a memory, yes.
And sometimes, when I'm having a rough day, I think about what might have been.
But trust me, I would never go back.
Look, Ana, I love your Uncle Carlos, and we have a wonderful life together.
Please do not do anything that's going to hurt him.
- Hey, guys.
Finally got home early.
- Hi.
So, what's new? I was just telling Aunt Gabby that I want to quit my job.
Anyway, I have homework.
Mom, I found this on my bed.
- You like it? - Yeah.
- What's the occasion? - The party.
I want you to look good.
You didn't have to do that.
Why not? I wanted to buy something nice for my son.
Besides, it made me feel less guilty about buying this for me.
- Cute, huh? - Mmm.
Wait till you see it on me.
Are you ever going to get that thing taken care of? What, the scar? I don't even see it anymore.
They can get rid of those things these days, Mom.
- Yeah, but that costs money.
- So? We have to be careful about money.
You know that.
I don't see Dad being careful.
He just bought a new set of golf clubs.
Danny, listen to me.
After the explosion, I was in bad shape.
Your father took real good care of me.
He hung in there.
He's a good man.
Don't you forget that.
One day, I'm going to make a lot of money, - and we're going to get that scar fixed.
- Oh, honey.
Don't worry.
Whatever happens, I'm going to take care of you.
- Hi.
- Whoa, check out the dress.
It's fantastic.
What did it cost? - My dignity.
- Worth every penny.
Aren't you going to check your jacket? - Well, it's a little chilly in here.
- Lynette, it's not chilly.
And even if it was, that's more of a reason to lose the jacket.
Hmm.
Come on, it's just for one night.
Fine.
I will check this for you.
Go meet the guys.
And there he is now! Hey, I was just telling these guys about Hey, can I talk to you for a sec, Dad? Yeah, of course.
Excuse me one second, ladies, huh? What are you doing? What, I can't talk to people? A lot of people here, but you pick a couple of 20-year-old girls? Danny, come on.
I'm saying hello to a couple of your friends.
Yeah, well, don't.
You know, I've been getting this vibe from you for a while now, and I don't think I deserve it.
Oh, I think you do.
You do? Why's that? Because I know.
You know what, son? Jeez, Nick, what the hell? What, do you got to crash every party in the world? I bet you want him the hell out of here.
I'm on it.
Have fun, baby.
Come on.
- Hey, sweetheart.
- Hey.
Hooker's home.
- How did it go? - It was bizarre.
From the moment I walked in with the girls here, I got smiles, winks, men pulled out my chair, the busboy filled my water glass every two minutes.
And the Bertollini Brothers, who seemed to think our proposal was written on my cleavage, were putty in my hands.
They signed the deal on the spot.
That's great.
Congratulations.
So, why are men so obsessed with these things? I don't know what to say, honey.
Some guys are just breast men.
Some guys, huh? Me? I appreciate all aspects of the female I'm up here, Tom.
Come on, come on.
I've seen pictures of your old girlfriends.
Just admit it.
Okay.
My name is Tom Scavo, and I like big breasts.
But you married me.
Man, I stepped right into that one, didn't I? So, let me ask you.
You ever feel like you compromised? Yeah.
Okay, I'm giving you one chance to start over.
No, no, no, no.
I need you to not be perfect.
- Why? - Because I'm not perfect.
I'm not rich, I'm not brilliant, I'm not movie-star-handsome.
If you didn't have this one flaw, I would spend every moment of every day wondering, "What the heck is she doing with me?" You may not be brilliant, but you can tiptoe through a minefield better than anyone I know.
Well done.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I tried to wait up but today was just too much.
- What happened? - Well, the repairman finally showed up, but he didn't have the right part, so he left again.
Then Celia hid my car keys so I couldn't take her to the dentist, then she forgot where she put them.
I told them both they'd be sorry when their father got home, - except you didn't, until now.
- I'm sorry, Gabby.
It's okay.
It's kind of funny when you think about it.
What? My life.
It just seems so small sometimes.
I spend my days thinking about detergent and groceries, or how I'm going to get the spot out of the upholstery.
It's not at all the life I thought I'd choose for myself.
But some days, I look up, and I realize I'm happy.
I'm honest-to-God happy with my life.
Anyway, I just thought you might like to know that.
Can I help you with that? Katherine, you're supposed to be on sick leave.
I'm better.
Really.
Now what can I do? I don't want to fight.
Neither do I.
I've lost so much these past few weeks.
My job and your friendship, it's all I have left.
And I can't lose those.
Oh, honey.
- So, are we friends again? - Of course.
I've just been worried about you, that's all.
But if you say you're better, then I believe you.
Good.
Because I really, really am.
- What the hell is that? - Oh, that's the cake.
No, that's my cake.
Yes.
The bride saw your design and just loved it.
No, it's my cake, the one I designed for my wedding, mine and Mike's.
Oh.
Well, aren't you glad we found a good use for it? I watched another bride marry my fiancé.
I am not going to watch another bride eat my cake.
Well, no one says you have to watch, dear.
Katherine! I know you're upset, but don't you dare take it out on that cake! It's mine.
And if I can't have it, nobody will.
Katherine, don't you touch that cake! Help! Somebody help! - Stop that woman! - It's mine! to be my lawfully wedded wife and one true love.
I promise to cherish, honor, and protect you, and to love you more each day than I did the day before.
You may now kiss the bride.
Katherine, no! - Hi.
- Hey.
Good to see you out of bed.
I'm sorry about yesterday.
So, have you remembered anything else about the attack? Nothing.
Julie, everybody wants to see the guy who did this off the streets.
But the police don't have much to go on, so if they could talk to this man that you were seeing Mom.
Maybe they could cross him off the list.
He didn't do it.
And I'm not seeing him anymore, okay? - I broke it off.
- You broke it off? Well, that's a motive right there.
I mean, at least let them question him.
If he's innocent, he has nothing to lose.
Except for his family, when they find out.
So, now you're concerned about his family? - What did you say? - You heard me, Julie.
For God's sake.
What were you thinking, dating a married man? Don't do this.
I am your mother.
I love you.
I have spent the last five days sitting there, not sleeping, not eating.
Don't shut me out.
I was lonely, okay? He was nice.
It just happened.
I don't see how.
This is not something you would do.
Well, guess what? I'm not perfect anymore.
That perfect daughter you remember, who was always there when you needed her, who held everything together when you were falling apart, she's grown up.
And she's going to make mistakes.
You want to make mistakes? Fine.
Dye your hair, drop out of school, I don't care.
I never expected you to be perfect, but I didn't raise you to do something this stupid.
You know what an affair like this can do.
You saw it firsthand.
- Morning.
- Katherine.
- Where do you think you're going? - To the test kitchen.
We need to start prep on the Berman Bar Mitzvah.
Yesterday, you nearly destroyed my company's reputation.
Today, you're worried about prep work? I don't want to talk about yesterday.
It won't happen again.
That's right, because you're fired.
I'm sorry, but I see no other way to get you to realize how serious this is.
You have got to give up this obsession with Mike before it ruins your life.
I need to work.
It's all that's keeping me going.
You need help, counseling.
I'm telling you this as your friend.
- You are not my friend.
- Yes, I am.
That's why I'm taking such a firm hand.
Your only job now is to get better.
Katherine, I'm going to need you to give me your keys.
There you go, a souvenir of our friendship.
You wouldn't know it to look at her, but the lady next door is having a nervous breakdown.
You'd never guess by her smile, but the wife of your uncle once betrayed his trust.
And that daughter you adore, well, she's having an affair with a married man.
The sad truth is, we don't know our friends and neighbors nearly as well as we think we do.
Even the people we trust most keep secrets.
Hey, Julie.
It's Dominic.
I miss you.