Frasier s06e05 Episode Script

Dr.
Crane, I just wanted to tell you how much I miss your show.
Oh, well, thank you so much.
I miss it too.
Yes, the brisk exchange of ideas, the crackling interplay between me and my callers.
Well, you're very kind.
See that, Roz? The public still craves the kind of excitement that only Frasier Crane can provide.
Roz! I am so sorry.
The baby kept me up all night long last night.
I'm trying to get her used to her crib, but she just hates to sleep alone.
Well, the acorn certainly doesn't fall far from I have got to wake up.
I'm on my way to an interview.
I'd kill for a cup of regular coffee, but I'm still nursing, so I can't.
You know, it was just all I could do to get myself dressed and then feed the baby this morning.
Yes, well, next time, maybe you should try feeding first and dressing second.
- Oh, my God! - Yes.
- How did I miss this? - Well On the plus side, it does divert the eye from the blueberries in your teeth.
What? I can't go to this interview like this.
- Of course you can.
- Oh, I'm just gonna call and cancel.
No, Roz, no, please, just check your teeth, yes, put your jacket on, and I swear, you'll look every inch the smart career gal on the go.
- There.
- Thanks, Frasier.
Hey, Roz.
Is that the newest thing, wearing two different shoes? Oh, my God! Hi, Dad.
So, what brings you here? Well, I thought you needed a little cheering up.
You've been kind of mopey lately.
Well, I had kind of a rough night at the wine club.
During the blindfolded tasting, I gave four stars to a Mexican Zinfandel.
Well, I don't just mean last night.
I mean, you've been kind of down ever since you lost your job, you know? And you haven't had a date in I don't know how long.
I know how long, and this isn't the way to cheer me up.
Don't worry.
I found a girl for you.
Now, Duke's daughter Marie just moved back in town Dad, blind dates remain the refuge of the lovelorn.
If you didn't talk like that, you might not have to get set up so much.
Now, listen, she's not a blind date.
You know Marie.
- Spent a week with her at the lake.
- She was 6 years old! Duke said she's grown into a real looker.
Yes, well, I have seen Duke.
And unless he sired a love child with Catherine Deneuve, I don't like my odds.
- Uncle Martin! - Oh, Marie! Look at you.
You remember Frasier? Bonjour! I don't know when I've had such a delicious meal.
You really made this dessert yourself? Well, yes.
It's a little something I like to call Crane brûlée.
You always were a gourmet.
Even at the lake, whenever we had fish sticks, you insisted on white grape juice.
Is everything all right there? It's just a little quirk of mine.
I like to keep things straight, you know, in parallel lines.
Yes, I noticed that earlier with the asparagus.
It's weird, I know.
It used to drive my mother crazy.
Well, you know, we all have our little idiosyncrasies.
- How is your mother, anyway? - Still on my case.
After the divorce, things just got worse.
Oh, I'm doing it again, aren't I? I'm sorry.
I'll stop.
Look.
Anyway, I haven't figured out how to have a normal relationship with her.
You know, we're all striving to have what we call "normal" relationships.
But who really knows what normal is? - You can move it back now.
- Thank you.
What do you say we have our wine out on the balcony? - The balcony? - Yes.
You haven't had a chance to see the view.
Wow! That is some view, all right.
Beautiful.
- You're afraid of heights, aren't you? - I'm taking classes.
They give us these exercises to do.
They just work better when you're standing on a little milk crate.
Oh, I must seem totally neurotic.
Not at all.
I guess I'm going a little nuts since I moved in with my dad.
Thank God, I'm getting my own place next week.
Oh, yes, well, I suspect that will help a lot.
You know, very often, the key to mental health is distancing ourselves from our parents.
I'm home.
Oh, hey! Sorry to barge in on you kids.
That's all right.
Why don't you join us for dessert? Oh, thanks anyway, but I had Crane brûlée for lunch.
I did a little dry run earlier.
I wanted to make sure my carameliser wasn't on the fritz.
I was proud the first time he brought that blowtorch home - until I saw what it was for.
- Dad! Oh, no, I'm only joking.
She knows that.
He's a great kid, Marie.
I mean, sure, he's out of work now, but he's hit the skids a lot of times, and he always manages to bounce right back up.
I think you've sprinkled enough pixie dust for one evening.
Okay.
Okay.
Well, good night, you two.
- I should probably get going too.
- All right.
Thank you for a great evening.
And for all the wonderful advice.
It was very insightful.
You're quite welcome, Marie.
Perhaps you can offer me a little insight as well.
Will this be our only night together or will I see you again? Well, you're pretty good at interpreting things.
Maybe this will answer your question.
Well, then, you have a nice life.
And just as this hunter catches up to me and is about to kill me, I wake up on the cot in my dad's oak-panelled rumpus room.
That is a terrifying nightmare.
Are there any other figures in the rumpus room? No, that's not part of the dream.
I really sleep there.
I wish I didn't have to go.
Can we talk about this after the museum tonight? Oh, of course.
I thought it was the opera tonight.
No, the museum opening.
You promised me in the shower this morning, remember? Yes.
But I was under duress.
You had a loofah to my head.
Oh, Niles, you just missed Duke's daughter.
I saw! Is it possible that's the same little girl we used to refer to as "The Ugly Dukeling"? - She is stunning.
- Isn't she, though? You know, the insecure part of me has trouble figuring out why she's going out with me.
I mean, she could have her pick of men.
And I am a little older, haven't been to the gym as often as I should, and you can feel free to contradict me anytime you like, Niles.
You must have something, because she's clearly charmed by you.
Yes, well, whatever the reason, we certainly have the most wonderful time together.
We have the greatest discussions.
I've been helping her sort through some of her issues.
- Oh, really? - Yes.
It's a very complex relationship with her mother which has given rise to several striking phobias and a recurring dream.
And the most charming little obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Oh, well, then, there you go.
Perhaps she's attracted to you because of your psychiatric expertise.
Well, what are you suggesting, Niles? That Marie's going out with me just to get free therapy? - Well, it was just a thought.
- That's a mean-spirited thought.
Marie's not using me.
She would want me just as much even if I weren't a psychiatrist.
Why, you're jealous.
You're jealous that I'm having sex.
Jealous that I'm having hot, passionate, sweaty, jungle sex.
What are you having? I'm having a latte.
Will this be all right for you? Is there enough light here for you to see her? Yeah, I'm telling you, Phil, she's really cute.
You'll see for yourself in a couple of minutes.
Oh, wait.
She's coming in now.
I gotta go.
- Hey, Daphne, how's it going? - Fine.
- Good.
- What are you so chipper about? Oh, nothing.
It's a beautiful night out.
Say, why don't you come out and have a look at the moon with me? - Why, is it full? - I don't know.
All right.
- It's a beaut, isn't it? - Oh, yeah, very romantic.
Now, wait! Wait! Come here, come here.
I gotta show you something else too.
Over here.
Look at that, the way the moonbeams bounce off that reflecting pool.
Oh, yeah, that's really something.
- What are you doing? - Nothing.
- Yes, you are.
- No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are.
- I'm not.
You're signalling to someone.
Well, all right.
I did such a good job with Frasier, I thought maybe I could fix you up with some nice guy.
Is it that man up there with the binoculars? Yeah, isn't that a great building? He does real well.
He owns half that floor.
- Mr.
Crane! - What? I don't believe it! Putting me on display, like a bloody concubine! Well, you get a turn too.
I got this telescope set up so you could have a look at him.
See, he liked you.
Hello? Yeah, well, I told you she was pretty.
What do you mean, can I show you another one? What do you think I'm running here? So there I am, actually biting the fingernails of the same hand that's holding the phone, not two minutes after I'm on with my mother.
- Isn't that so revealing? - Well, yes.
Yes, I'd say it is.
Is everything okay, Frasier? You seem a little quiet.
No, no, I was just so enjoying our museum chat, I was wondering how we got on to the subject of mothers.
Well, it was a Whistler exhibit.
Yes, yes, I'm sorry.
I guess I'm just a bit tense.
Why didn't you say something? I'll give you a little massage.
Oh, really? Well, all right, if you think that'll help.
It's such an amazing feeling, being in the presence of so much beauty.
Yes, well, you say that now.
In six weeks, you'll be telling me to lose weight.
The Whistler, I know, I know.
Gosh, isn't it great that we both enjoy art so much? - I could just talk about it all night.
- Me too.
Oh, you know, I couldn't help noticing your staring at that riverscape.
You couldn't take your eyes off of it.
Yeah, I think it's because it reminded me of my recurring dream.
You know, we were gonna talk more about that.
Oh, yes, yes.
The dream, being pursued by the hunter and the arrows.
- Yeah.
- Well You know, I'm not really feeling up to talking about it right now.
Do you think we could do it some other night? All right.
What did you think of the riverscape? Oh, well, I enjoyed it.
I was also enjoying what you were doing just now.
I'm sorry.
My hands were just getting a little bit of a cramp.
Oh, well, then let me do you, then.
Oh, actually, it's getting late.
You know, maybe I should get home.
Thought you were spending the night.
Oh, I'd like to, but I have an early morning and I hate to rush.
I had a great evening tonight.
You know, about that dream, I did have one thought.
- Really? - Yes.
Forest imagery very often represents our most primal emotions, hence its frequent use in fairy tales, which could be a link to your childhood.
You are so good at this.
Much better than my therapist.
- You have a therapist? - Oh, not anymore.
Who can afford it? Anyway, you know, my hands are feeling much better.
Why don't we give that massage another shot? Oh, yeah.
So I noticed that I often have this dream right after I talk to my mother.
Boy, your muscles are so tense.
Is it just your neck or all over? It's all over.
Frasier, Frasier, you will not believe this.
Little Alice said her first word today.
It was "ma.
" Or it may have been "moo.
" Mary, that's the sitter, gave her this little toy cow.
She's always doing stuff like that.
I love Mary.
I love this little cow too.
It's the cutest little thing.
It's brown and white.
That's a Jersey cow, right? That's where Mary's from, Jersey.
Yeah! I'll take a splash more.
You know, I stopped nursing yesterday and, boy, have I missed this stuff.
Cup of mud, java, my old friend joe.
That's funny, Mary's husband's name is Joe.
Oh, my God, he's picking her up.
I gotta go.
This has been fun.
You look great.
Nice talking with you.
- Frasier, may I join you? - Well, of course, Niles.
And I'm sorry about yesterday.
No, no, I'm the one who should be apologizing.
I never meant to suggest that Marie was Niles, Marie and I broke up.
I'm sorry.
Did she at least give you a reason? I broke up with her, but thank you for the daily shot in the arm of confidence.
I talked to Duke.
What the hell did you break up with Marie for? I'm terribly sorry.
I don't mean to cause a rift between you and your friend, but I couldn't continue with it.
You see, once I confirmed that Marie was primarily interested in me as a sounding board for her problems, I just had to end it.
Just as Niles suggested I should.
I never suggested that! Well, no, all I said was that one of the things she might appreciate about you is your psychiatric expertise.
If you were a world-class chef, she'd appreciate your cooking.
If you were a stand-up comedian, she'd appreciate your jokes.
If you were a dermatologist, she had a big growth coming out of her face Yes, Dad, I get it.
Thank you.
I am sorry, but if you had let the relationship continue, she might have found other things that she'd appreciate about you just as much.
Maybe there's still time to win her back.
It'd take a pretty big bouquet of flowers to do that.
I don't know.
Maybe if I explain what really happened, she'll forgive me.
Sometimes the best apology is the truth.
You'll tell her you thought she was prostituting herself for therapy, but now you've decided that's okay? Well, not that truth.
Some other truth.
- Good evening, Dad.
- Hey, you two.
How was dinner? It was great.
We went to my favourite restaurant, this little Korean barbecue.
Yes, it's just fabulous.
You get to cook your own food on this little grill that's right in the centre of the table.
It splatters a little bit, but, you know, that's what makes it fun.
Well, clearly, you had a marvellous time.
- Oh, hello again, Marie.
- Hi, Niles.
If we're gonna go away, I should make reservations.
Right.
I tell you what, use the phone in my bedroom.
I'll be in in a minute.
Actually, just thinking about getting away is making me feel more relaxed already.
- She has a little problem with heights.
- I saw that.
Well, I'm sure glad you guys patched things up, anyway.
You know, Duke and I go back a long way.
Got a lot of friends, but there's something I get from Duke - that I don't get from anybody else.
- Seahawks tickets.
And don't think that SOB wasn't ready to pull them, either.
Dad dragged me to one of those Korean barbecues once.
I've had that suit dry-cleaned three times.
Eddie still greets me in a carnivorous frenzy every time I wear it.
Yes, well, the next time Marie and I go out for dinner, I'm gonna pick the restaurant, preferably one where the stove gets its own room.
Well, she certainly seems smitten with you.
Yes, she certainly does, doesn't she? And I'm quite captivated with her.
You know, I can't put my finger on exactly why, but I'm just glad things are going well for you.
Are they ever.
I find her more enchanting each day.
Oh, you know what? I am particularly intrigued by this recurring dream she has.
She's in the woods, she's being pursued by a hunter.
And get this, when she turns to confront the pursuer, - the hunter has no face.
- Fascinating.
I'm determined to get to the bottom of it.
I'm sure it would shed light on her mother issues and this fear of heights.
Oh, God, I've just discovered that she absolutely refuses to touch a doorknob with her bare hand.
Thanks to my natural chivalry, I missed that for a whole week.
Is that all you talk about, her problems? Well, no, no.
We talk about lots of things.
Art, the theatre.
Why? - Oh, it's just a passing thought.
- Well, pass it over here.
Well, you were asking what most captivated you about her.
Perhaps she's giving you a chance to exercise your psychiatric muscles.
- What? - You've been out of work for a while.
Niles, Marie is a stunning woman with a body to die for, and you think all I'm interested in is her mind? How shallow do you think I am? Well, there's no need to get defensive.
There's not a problem, unless she's falling in love with you and you're only interested in her as a case study.
I assure you, I am interested in all aspects of Marie, not just her psyche.
For God's sakes, you know, I could happily go for weeks without discussing it once.
- Glad to hear it.
- Well, thank you.
If you'll excuse me, I have someone waiting for me in the other room.
Oh, dear God! Unhand me, you wretch! Oh, you vile creature! Oh, for God's sake, you miserable Niles, please, drop him a Liv-A-Snap! Oh, let go of me! Let go of that leg, you My father's best friend.
Well, after your father.
We're all booked for this weekend.
There's a lake, hiking.
Sounds like a perfect place to relax.
You know, I do love the country.
It's so relaxing.
I swear to God, I'm out like a light as soon as my head hits the pillow.
Then we'll have to ask for a room with no pillows.
Oh, that reminds me, I had that dream again.
But this time, I saw the hunter's face.
- Really? - Yeah.
- You'll never guess who it was.
- Who? - No, no.
- Is something wrong? No, it's just that I'd rather not discuss the dream right now.
Oh, you're right.
I'm sorry.
Like you even care who the hunter is right now.
Yes, there are so many other things I'm more interested in.
- Yeah, that's better, isn't it? - Yeah.
Do you feel relaxed? - Was it your sister? - What? The hunter.
It was your sister, wasn't it? No.
I thought you didn't wanna talk about this.
Oh, God, you're right, you're right.
I don't.
I really I really don't.
I'd much rather be exploring other things right now, like your lips and your chin - and your neck.
- Oh, keep going.
Oh, for God's sake, who was it? - What is with you? - I just have to know! - Okay.
It was me.
- Of course it was! The hunter represents your feelings of anger and abandonment that you've been running from ever since your parents' divorce.
Until now, you've been able to avoid those painful arrows, sometimes seeking refuge in the forest of repression.
Now, your willingness to identify the hunter signals that you are now ready to reintegrate these complex emotions into a more cohesive self! Wow! It's all so clear now.
It certainly is! That was amazing.
I'm so glad I gave you a second chance.
- Oh, Marie, l - Please don't apologise.
Maybe someday it'll be some funny story we tell our grandkids, the time Grandpa broke up with Grandma.
- Actually, Grandma - Yes? I'm afraid this isn't gonna work.
What? - Us.
I'm afraid that - Wait a minute.
Am I crazy or are you breaking up with me again? Well, they're not completely unrelated.
You see, you are a beautiful young woman and I have really enjoyed tackling some of these issues with you.
It's that I don't think that's the basis for a relationship.
You deserve someone who appreciates all you offer.
I don't believe this.
I feel more like your therapist than your boyfriend.
But I thought we were having such a good time together.
I'm afraid our time is up.
This weekend's game? Well, yeah, I want them, Duke.
Seahawks-Chiefs, are you kidding? I'll pick them up tomorrow.
Hey, wouldn't it be a kick if we wound up in-laws? - Go to hell! - Oh, hold on a sec.
Good, embrace the anger.
It's the best way to mental health.
I don't need health tips from you, you quack! You made progress in the time we've been together.
Oh, don't flatter yourself! - I have the name of a specialist.
- Call him yourself! Hey, Duke, I'm gonna be kind of busy tomorrow.
Maybe you could just drop those tickets in the mail right now, so you don't forget.