The Middle s06e08 Episode Script

Hey, dad, did you say you wanted me to get you up at 6:10? No one's ever said that in this house.
I said 8:00.
Ohh, okay.
Unless you wanted to get up now since you're already awake.
We could get the college tour going early.
Nope.
I'm good.
Wait until 8:00.
Got it.
I'm sorry.
I just have to say that can you believe in a year from now I won't even be here? Why don't you go back to your room now so we can start getting used to what that feels like? Okay.
Got it.
You might as well get up now.
She's not gonna go away.
So with me stuck having to work, Mike was the designated driver on Sue's first whirlwind weekend of college tours.
All right, everyone.
I'd like to welcome you all to I.
U.
Today, we'll be starting our tour in front of our chemistry building.
"Chemistry building.
" I'm gonna need to draw a map.
Which way is north? Over 180 majors.
This may be of interest to you we also offer a minor in native American and indigenous peoples.
- Oh.
- Okay, now, I know a lot of you want to know about student housing, so Wait.
I have a question.
Is there any nearby housing for parents? 'Cause I don't think Maddie here can survive without her Saturday morning super daddy pancakes.
Dad, stop.
You're making me hungry.
Secret ingredient is love.
I'm kidding.
It's cinnamon.
Okay.
Uh, let's move on.
Oh, when we pass by Willkie auditorium, remind me to tell you about our traditional first nations powwow.
There's a huge inter-tribal dance.
So amazing.
Hey, Brick.
So, listen.
I was thinking.
It's just you and me this whole weekend.
Why don't we do something special? When's the last time we did anything together, just the two of us? Hmm, when you took me to the pediatrician to get that tetanus shot.
All right, while I get that, why don't you make a list of all the things you want to do this weekend? Anything at all your pick.
Really? Great.
Hello? Hey, Axl! Is everything okay? What? Are you kidding me? They're playing him.
They're playing you? Well, uh, yeah.
Of course I'll be there.
Okay, well, I'll see you in a bit, then.
Whoo-hoo! All right, well, um, slight change of plans.
Axl's coach is finally playing him tomorrow.
So we'll sleep over at Axl's tonight, and then we can see the game in the morning.
You know how much I love football tournaments, but we can't be gone the whole weekend.
We have a project due Monday.
What? What project? We have to build a car that can go 50 feet, or we fail.
And how much have "we" done? Well, we're still in the research phase.
- So nothing.
- Pretty much.
Brick! Fine.
I'm just gonna have to get somebody to watch you.
I'm sorry, but I'm not missing Axl's first game because you didn't plan ahead.
You're gonna have to figure this one out yourself.
This is your project, not mine.
Hey, you sure you don't want my bed? I can crash on the couch.
No way.
You have a big game tomorrow.
You got to sleep in your own bed.
Hmm.
Axl, have you ever cleaned that bathroom? Hey, we're on it.
We're flushing every time now.
Seriously, if you ever want to have a girl over here, you got to take care of that.
Do you even have any cleaning products? I don't know.
Did you bring cleaning products? Well, the response to the Brick babysitting sweepstakes was not great, so I had to take what I could get.
Good eventide, Brick.
I'm the first shift here to watch you.
Okay.
I didn't know what you liked to do, so I brought some toys from my childhood a block of wood and a rock.
Are you hungry? If you show me to your hatchery, I could strangle us a chicken for dinner.
No, thanks.
I just had a pizza pocket.
What's this? They're making us build a car for science.
At this point, I'm looking down the barrel of an "F.
" Hmm.
May I have a go? I've watched our smithy change many a buggy wheel.
Hmm.
- Help yourself.
- Oh, no.
I'm not allowed to have that.
But may I trouble you for a bowl of wheat? It was really nice of Rosalie to let us stay here.
How exactly are we related to her again? Eh, she might be an aunt, maybe just one of those people you call an aunt.
Anyway, she's always at the funerals.
I know that.
Hey.
- Hey.
How's it going there? - Uh, okay.
The tour was fine.
A lot of annoying parents.
Annoying to you, or annoying to other people? No, there was one guy, "super daddy pancakes," who wouldn't shut up.
He drove me nuts.
Super daddy pancakes? Yeah, you know, remember the guy that we hated at the thing last year? Just way too into it.
At a certain age, you should stop being excited about life all I'm saying.
Hey, you are never gonna believe where I am.
I'm at Axl's.
Axl's coach is putting him in.
He's actually playing.
You're kidding me! That's great! So, what did he say? - When's he putting him in? - Tomorrow.
- W tomorrow? - Yeah, that's the bad news.
- You're not gonna be here.
- What? No way.
I got to be there.
Come on.
We can meet at a Stuckey's and swap the kids.
Mike, you know how excited Sue is to be on that trip with you.
She didn't hear you say that, did she? No, she's got headphones in.
Listen, she falls asleep, I throw a pillowcase over her head, we make the switch in the middle of the night, and nobody's the wiser.
Nice try.
I got to go.
I got a big day tomorrow.
Yeah, my big day is what you have.
Mm-hmm.
Bye.
Hey, dad Why do you think the tour guide gave me all these brochures? There's a cherokee weaving workshop, and here's one on the headdress exhibit at the art museum.
Hmm, that's weird.
They didn't give that stuff to anybody else? - Mnh-mnh.
- I don't know.
- It's not like you're native American.
- Yes, I am.
N-no, Sue.
You're not.
Sure, I am.
I mean, that's what I put on my forms.
What? Why did you do that? 'Cause I'm a native of America.
I'm a native American.
Sue, now they think you're native American! Right, a native American.
Say, "I'm a native American.
" I'm a native American.
Ohh! I hear it now.
Well, what was I supposed to check? There was no other option that seemed right.
It's not like we're "ca-kah-zee-an.
" Actually, Sue, we are.
What?! Oh, my God, this is horrible! They're gonna think that I tried to pull one over on them, that I lied on my forms, and it says it's a felony to lie on those forms.
Oh, my God! I committed a felony! Whoo! Yeah, Dragons! Oh, is your son playing? Mine, too.
He's right over there the cute one.
No, they're all cute.
I'm not like that.
Oh, I think he's going in.
Now entering the game, number 37, Axl Heck.
Whoo-hoo! Axl! Go Axl! Now leaving the game, number 37, Axl Heck.
Gee, I wonder when they're gonna put my son in.
Hi, gang.
Welcome to Butler.
I can't wait to tell you all about our beautiful campus.
Oh.
Okay, yes.
Hi.
I just wanted to say that I am white all white.
So I'm only interested in clubs for white people or art made by only white people not native Americans, because I'm definitely not that.
So please don't show me anything or talk to me about anything that is not exclusively for white people.
Well, that school was a little out of our price range, anyway.
I just didn't want people to think that I lied on my application or that I was a liar in any way.
I just wanted to make it clear what I was.
Oh, I think you made it very clear.
The Chuck is here.
The fun starts now, baby Mike.
My mom asked you to watch me? Not exactly.
She asked Dave, 'cause he's a dad.
But he had dad stuff to do, so the Chuck stepped in.
The Chuck likes to keep his schedule wide open for all kinds of "life-ortunities.
" You don't mind if I drum while you do your baby Mike thing, do you? I bring these with me everywhere I go.
Mm.
How long have you been playing? Since today.
What you working on? Science project.
Oh, school? More like prison of your mind.
The day they told me I had to wear a shirt in class, that was it.
They just want to turn you into a robot, get you to work for the man.
Don't you work for the man? Only until I get my jet ski paid off.
Then I'm riding the river all the way to the Gulf.
There's no river that goes from Orson to any Gulf.
That's just your schooling talking to ya.
Yes, it is.
Yes, it is.
Welcome to Ball State, guys.
My name is Marcus.
I'm a junior.
- I'm also on the cheerleading squad.
- Coming through.
Sorry we're late.
- Hey, tall guy from Orson.
- How you doing? Good.
Well, you know, every day you spend with your kids is a blessing.
Am I right? Great.
Glad everyone's here.
So, let's figure out which of you came the longest distance.
Cincinnati.
Milwaukee! Well, we didn't come from far away, but Maddie and I have this great book of old-timey ice-cream parlors, and we've been trying to visit them all and check them off the list.
So if you tally up the miles He asked for the longest distance, not the longest answer.
Ha! We kind of know each other.
Come on, Axl.
It wasn't that bad.
You're just focused on it 'cause it happened to you.
Could we please not talk about it, please? Fine, fine, fine.
I won't talk.
Let me just hold you.
Y-you know what made me mad is that the coach didn't put you back in again so you could redeem yourself.
Because after you dropped the ball, the other team got so far ahead, it really wouldn't have mattered.
It's just that you're usually so good.
I don't know.
It seems like you took your eye off the ball.
Did the coach tell you to do that? Yes, that's what he told me to do.
I don't know if this will help, but I have it on my phone.
It's like game film.
That's a thing, right? Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like here.
Now, could you have picked up the ball again and and run with it, or is that against the rules? 'Cause 'cause it looks like after you dropped it, you just kind of stood there.
Oh, my God! Make it stop! He fumbled on the goal line? Yep.
Played for a total of 9 seconds.
- Oh, damn.
- I know, and he's in a really bad place.
I mean, I've been trying to explain to him that it's really not that big a deal and, you know, probably in like 10 or 20 years, no one will remember, but he just keeps telling me to leave him alone.
Well, then leave him alone.
Guys don't like talking about stuff like that.
I didn't talk to him the whole time.
I mostly tried to be quiet and, you know, just hold him.
- Oh, man.
- Look, I'm doing the best I can.
- How are things with Sue? - Uh Fine.
She's she's she's in the bathroom kind of crying or something.
Crying? Why is she crying? I don't know.
Something about a tray.
Stupid remote.
Why don't they make them all the same? - A tray? What tray? - I don't know! You now know as much as I do.
Sh-sh-she closed the door and doesn't want to talk about it.
What about a closed door makes you think she doesn't want to talk? A closed door means she wants to talk.
Well, clearly, we each have the wrong kid.
Sue, you you want to talk? Or are you doing business in there? I put the litter box back in the tub.
So, how do we know Trudy again? She's saving us 80 bucks.
That's how we know Trudy.
So Something about a tray or something? Oh, dad, it was horrible.
Remember when we went to the cafeteria for a snack? Well, I grabbed a tray, and and the woman said I was in the wrong place and I had the wrong tray, and she just kept asking me, "what's your dining plan?" And I didn't know what to do, so I just dropped the tray and ran.
So, Ball State is out.
- That's fine.
- No! Dad, that's not it.
Don't you see? How am I gonna do well in college if I can't even master the cafeteria or the tours or ask any questions without creating a racial incident? Maybe I'm not ready to be away from you and mom.
Maybe I'm not ready for college.
Well, you know It'll be better in the morning.
Aww, there's my big sleeper.
How about you buy your mom some breakfast? I'll pay.
I just want to stay home, okay? Axl, you can't hide from your teammates forever.
It's not about that.
Well, what is it about, then? N-never mind.
We don't have to talk about it.
You stay I'll run and grab us some breakfast and maybe pee somewhere with a toilet seat.
Fine.
I invited Devin Levin to the game.
I knew it! You like her! Oh, my God.
Stop smiling.
I knew I shouldn't have said anything.
No.
It's fine.
Go on.
I won't smile.
She was at the game.
She saw what I did.
I There's no coming back from that.
Now I just got to make sure I never see her ever again ever.
Axl, you're both on the same campus.
You're gonna run into her eventually.
No.
I figured it out.
I just have to skip all my Wednesday classes, scurry along the rooftop to econ, and change my major to nursing.
Come on, Axl.
I-I may not know much about football.
But here's the good news.
I do know about women.
God, now I've really hit rock bottom.
I'm getting dating advice from my mom.
I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.
We know you guys aren't perfect.
Uh, take me I married a man with all the sensitivity of an Easter Island statue.
Guess what.
I love him anyway.
Ugh.
I do not want to hear about my parents loving each other.
I'm just saying, you make a mistake, you got to own it.
Show her that it doesn't faze you.
Believe me there's nothing more attractive to a girl than a guy who's confident.
But a guy who's sneaking around trying to avoid her not so much.
Is it okay that I have my hand here for a minute? It's okay.
Hmm.
Are we all together? Okay, great.
And this brings us back to the dining hall.
Before you all go in and have lunch, does anybody have any questions? Mm Yes? So, if you were starting over as a freshman, is there anything you wish you had known? Hmm.
Now, that's an excellent question.
Well, I wish I would have known that the blue trays were for visitors and the red trays were for meal plans, I'll tell you that.
Really.
Dad, I am gonna go get some college food.
- Do you want any? - No, I'm good.
You go ahead.
Okay.
- Can you believe it? - Mm.
How are we gonna fill the hours when they're gone, huh? Soon, all we'll have are memories of those Sunday-night daddy/daughter dates, the Teddy-bear picnics, the scavenger hunts in the backyard.
Mm.
But, hey, it's the memories that sustain us.
Am I right? Not really.
My son's at East Indiana state.
And he's always home.
They got a lot of vacation days.
I'm just saying.
You got to savor every moment.
Like, a couple of months ago, Maddie was going to her homecoming dance, and she wanted to borrow my red mustang convertible.
- I mean, that car is my pride and joy.
- Hmm.
But the morning of the dance, I washed it, cleaned the tires, and polished the leather had that thing shining like new.
Before she left for the night, I took a picture of her in her homecoming dress, standing in front of it.
Well, here's the thing.
Later, when I looked at that picture, all I could see was her and how much time had gone.
Didn't even see the car.
Now, remember, when it comes to glitter, more is more.
A-a-a-nd Done! That's fine, but it still doesn't go.
With what? Glitter is a neutral.
It goes with everything.
No, I heard it has something to do with rubber bands and tension.
Okay, well, whenever I have a big job ahead of me, I just imagine the montage of what I would have done to finish it and work backwards.
Like, first, we'd flick paint on each other and laugh.
Then you'd hand me a hammer to use on the car, but then we reveal that I'm using it to crack walnuts.
Then we'd get mad at each other.
I'd blow my hair out of my eyes in frustration.
And at some point, we're in front of a mirror, trying on different hats.
Finally, we slump to the ground, back-to-back, exhausted after a job well done.
I'm a dead man.
Hey, Axl? I put your sheets back upsta Hey, Devin.
It's Axl.
That's cool.
Um, you know, just chillin'.
So, uh, did you do anything exciting yesterday? Well, I went to a football game.
It didn't end that well, though.
Somebody blew a simple hand-off.
What are you talking about? I dedicated that fumble to you.
What did you want? A touchdown? I thought you were different from other girls.
Where was that hustle on the field? Good one.
So, what are you doing now? You want to, like, maybe grab some food or something? Yeah, I know that place.
All right.
Okay, I finished my list of pros and cons.
I have 75 pros and 86 super-pros.
I don't have any cons, 'cause it just seems so negative, and they all tried so hard.
- Hmm.
- And, you know, dad, I read that brochure about native American studies, and it actually seems super-interesting.
I think I might even minor in it, hmm? And it'd be perfect for me, because I just love America so much.
- Night, dad.
- Good night.
- Hey, Sue.
- Hmm? You ever feel bad that I never You know, made you super daddy pancakes? No.
Why? Well, I don't know.
That that guy and his daughter are always doing stuff together.
Did you ever wish I was, you know, more like him? Wha dad, no.
Why would you even say that? You're amazing.
My whole life, you made sure my bike tires were pumped up.
You let me ride on your shoulders when I cleaned out the gutter.
Whenever mom yells, "I just can't do it anymore," you make my lunch for a few days.
And best of all, when you find a pretty rock at the quarry, you always bring it home for me.
I mean, come on.
Nobody else's dad does that.
You're the greatest dad in the whole world.
Hello? That's why I got you the mug "world's greatest dad.
" Mugs don't lie.
You remember all that stuff? Of course.
I don't want some bouncy, pancake dad.
If I did, it wouldn't be you.
Sometimes as a parent, it's easy to think you're not doing enough.
But the truth is, it's the little things you do along the way that end up being the big things.
All right, Brick, you're up next.
Let's see it.
Yep, Brick's car went farther than any other car that day.
It's true what they say.
It takes a village.
Of course, in this case, none of the villagers were Brick.
- Sync and Corrections by peterbrito -