Mike & Molly s06e09 Episode Script

1 Thank you.
Pretty bold choice not tipping that barista.
Okay, I'm sorry, I tip for good service, and in what world does it take 20 minutes to make a simple cup of coffee? Holy moly, that is good.
I told you he was an artist.
Look what he wrote in the foam.
"Thank you for your patience.
" Well, I'm a horrible human being.
No, you're not, honey.
You're just cheap.
I'm not cheap.
You know what? Watch this.
Hello there! A little something for Oh, you know what? That's actually a 20.
She thought it was a single.
No, I thought it was a five.
Which is so very generous, but, um Okay, well, that's a $20 for you.
(whispers): And you owe me 15 bucks.
Ms.
Flynn? Yeah.
Do I know you? Oh, my God.
Yeah, you were my favorite teacher.
Oh, that is so sweet.
You don't know who I am.
Not a clue.
It's okay.
Uh, last time you saw me, I was ten years old, uh, I had no front teeth, and I had a pirate patch to cover my lazy eye.
Frannie DuVall! Yeah.
Present.
Oh, of course I remember you.
I don't remember that.
Sweetie, I wouldn't cover that up with a sign.
You'd make a lot more money.
When did you or, you know, how did you I mean, not how.
I know I know how.
Um hey.
We were just talking about grabbing a-a bite to eat.
Would you would you like to come with us? We just ate.
(whispers): We're gonna eat again.
What do you say, you in? Yeah, that that would be great actually.
Okay.
Well, maybe we could get a cocktail, too.
Victoria, she's, like, 17.
Well, they're not gonna card a pregnant girl.
Come on, sweetie.
Let's grab all your filthy stuff.
La, la-ba-dee-da La, la-ba-dee-da For the first time in my life I see love I see love For the first time in my life I see love I don't know if you hung out with those hobos under that bridge on Cicero, but last Christmas, I was the guy who left a bag of Whopper Jr.
's under there, so, you know you're welcome.
Vince, she's our guest.
Don't talk to her.
There you go.
Okay, turkey sandwich.
I almost made you a PB and J, but then I remembered you had a nut allergy.
You have a good memory.
Well, you were my first EpiPen.
And my second.
And I'm so sorry about those walnut brownies, but, in my defense, you shouldn't have called it a "peanut allergy" if it included the entire nut family.
So, when's your baby due, Frannie? Uh, they said at the clinic something like six weeks from now.
Wow! That's coming up in about Six weeks.
Oh, kid, it's got to be rough out there on those streets.
Wh-what do you use for protection? Mom, she obviously didn't use protection.
I'm sorry for her ignorance.
I'm just saying, I don't leave the house without a steak knife in my purse.
You try to rob me, or talk in a movie theater, you're gonna see the blade.
(nervous laughter) I just hope your throat doesn't close up around all these nuts.
(chuckles) Uh, so How's a kid like you survive out there? I do what I got to do.
Um, some days I make enough money off of what people give me, and sometimes I got to get a little more creative.
Mm, like, uh, Mary Magdalene creative? Ew! Mom! And by "ew," I mean no one's judging you.
Yeah no, I meant more like "stealing" creative.
Okay, thank God, 'cause I was I was judging you a little bit.
I'm-I'm not proud of it, but I've shoplifted and stuff like that.
You know, you would be surprised how often people leave their cars unlocked.
(car alarm chirps in distance) Hey, how's it going? MOLLY: Hey, honey.
Uh, this is Frannie.
Former student of mine.
- She's homeless.
- And pregnant.
And she's telling us how she robs cars.
(car alarm chirps in distance) (sighs) All right.
I got Frannie all set up on the couch.
You sure we can trust her down there alone? She's not gonna steal anything.
And if she does, you've been looking for a reason to buy a new TV.
Well, if that's the case, we can throw in the microwave, I'll drive her to the pawn shop myself.
She's a sweet kid in a tough spot.
I couldn't just walk away.
I mean, I'm her favorite teacher.
Her words, not mine.
Everybody loves fourth grade.
- They don't teach you the hard stuff yet.
- Really? State capitals? Times tables? That is core knowledge, baby.
What about her parents? I mean, do they even know where she's at? Frannie said they kicked her out of the house.
I mean, they basically just wrote her off.
Okay, but do we know that actually happened? I mean, you're taking the word of an admitted criminal.
A criminal? Really? She shoplifted a few times.
You're always eating grapes at the grocery store.
I sample.
That's different.
Really? You ever pay for those afterwards? Not if they don't meet my standards.
Besides, it doesn't matter what happened between her and her parents.
I mean, put yourself in their shoes.
If your daughter was living on the street - (sighs) - alone, wouldn't you want somebody to bring her home to you? Yes.
Because? (sighs) Because I'd be worried sick about her.
Exactly.
Wait a minute, did I just win an argument? I think you did.
Aw, good for you.
Um, okay, South Dakota? - Pierre.
- Ooh.
- Seven times eight? - 56.
God, I was good.
Yeah, you really were.
I still remember when those kids were making fun of my lazy eye patch.
You stuck up for me.
You wore one for a whole week.
Oh, it really was just a happy accident.
I-I had pinkeye.
Fourth graders are filthy.
Either way, it kept them off my back till Larry Bean got lice.
Oof.
I want to shave my head for that kid.
You were-you were great through.
Hmm.
Always doing extra credit.
Staying after school to help me.
'Cause I didn't want to go home.
Look, and I still don't.
I'm telling you this is a waste of time.
Okay, I know you think it is, but if-if you were my daughter, I would want to know that you and that baby were safe.
(scoffs) Yeah, well, if you were my mother, I probably would've told you I was pregnant.
They don't know? - Okay, they're super religious.
- Oh, my God.
No, they're the kind of people that think that dancing will lead to pregnancy.
- Well - Okay.
One time they were right.
You know, people could change.
I did, you know? When I was a kid, I got into all kinds of trouble.
Double-pierced my ears without permission.
TP'ed a house.
Went back to clean it up.
Got caught.
Cried my way out of it.
Whoa, pretty bad-ass.
My point is that, you know, everybody deserves a second chance, even your parents.
(deep sigh) You ready? No.
(sighs) All right.
You sit tight here, I'll go in first, I'll talk to them, I'll work a little bit of my Ms.
Flynn magic.
I have a feeling they're not quite the monsters that you think they are.
(sighs) So, those people are monsters.
Yeah, I told you.
Just so much worse than you even said.
I mean, I-I tried explaining your situation to your mother and she just shouted, (deep voice): "I rebuke thee!" And, I mean, that it was I'm not even doing it justice.
It came from a real deep place.
And then your dad starting splashing me with his Fresca, - (exhales) - I mean, like it was holy water.
Home sweet home.
Okay, living there is not an option.
So, you're gonna come home with me and you can stay there until we figure this out.
God, no, no, you-you don't have to do that.
Well, I certainly am not gonna put you out on the street to raise a baby.
Oh, I'm-I'm not keeping the baby.
I'm giving it up.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Look at me, I I can't raise a kid.
I want it to have a safe home, and a chance at a good life.
I can't give it all that.
- Look, you probably think I'm a horrible - I'll take it! I'll take that baby.
(both giggling) Hey.
Hey.
I thought, uh, Molly was taking you back to your folks.
Uh yeah, it, uh, it didn't work out.
So where is everybody? Uh, Ms.
Flynn is upstairs, redhead lady and bald guy are at a casino, and stoned chick when into the backyard with a lighter and an apple.
You're a cop, you could probably, like, (inhales sharply) put that together.
Making yourself at home? Yeah, I am.
Well, just so you know how things work around here, everybody has their own box of cereal and you are eating mine.
This was the only one that doesn't say, "For healthy stools" on the front.
Yeah, I know, that's why I wrote my name on the box.
See, Trix are for Mike.
Look, let's, uh, let's cut to the chase about you staying here, okay? Molly is a nice person.
Probably too nice.
Me? I'm not so nice.
Dude, it's just cereal.
Okay, "dude," it's not about that.
See, I'm a cop, so I've seen it all, okay? So, it's a little hard for me to buy this whole "poor little pregnant girl" routine.
There's nothing to buy.
That's literally what I am.
Just so you know I got my eye on you.
If you're trying to scare me, you might want to wipe that dribble of pink milk off your chin.
Nobody likes a smart-ass.
- Did I get it? - Yeah.
You know, uh, this city has a lot of great programs for kids in your, uh situation.
I could set you up at a really nice place.
It would take care of you and your baby.
I'm good.
I already found a family that's gonna take the baby.
Really? That's great! When did this happen? Today, actually.
- They seem pretty cool.
- Mm.
Uh, well, the wife.
The husband is kind of a dork.
Hey, that's the man who's gonna adopt your child, show a little respect.
Yeah, you're right.
I should.
Another dribble.
You know what? I think something's up with this spoon.
Hey, hon.
So glad you're home, I got big news for you.
Oh, I know, uh, Frannie already told me.
(groans) She did? Dang it, I wanted to see the look on your face when you first found out.
It was a lot like this, except, uh, there was, uh, some milk dribble.
You seem really calm about this.
What's the big deal? I mean, I think it's great, but I don't see how it's gonna change our lives.
Okay, um what exactly did she tell you? Uh, she said she found some couple that was gonna take the baby.
- No.
- Yes.
- No.
- Yes.
- No, no, no, no, Molly! - Yes! Yes, yes! Why would you do this without talking to me? Well, I know it seems crazy, but it all happened so fast, and I wanted to snatch it up before somebody else got to it first.
It's not a door buster at Wal-Mart, it's a baby! I know that, but you know how long we've been wanting this.
And then suddenly Frannie just shows up on our doorstep? Mike, this is fate.
No, it's a combination of bad parenting, poor choices, and you not having change for a 20.
Yes.
Boom.
Fate.
(groans) Look, you're not thinking this through.
I'm telling you, this is a bad idea.
Okay, uh, what happened to my baby-crazy husband? I mean, you were telling me favorite boy names by our third date.
And I want to have a little Jordan Pippin Biggs, but I want it to be our baby.
Together.
Well, what difference does it make where it comes from? Do we know anything about the father? Do either one of them have a drug history? And what about her? She's an admitted petty criminal.
Oh, Mike, come on, we all have a dark past.
I have TP'ed houses.
Yeah, and you made the biggest decision of our lives without me.
Where are you going? I'm going to the store.
'Cause if things weren't bad enough, we're out of my cereal.
I don't get you, man.
For the last three years all I hear is, "I want a kid, I want a kid!" Now you could have a kid, you don't want the kid.
Are you kidding me? I just want to make the right decision.
What do we know about this baby? It sleeps, it poops, and it cries when it's hungry.
You two should get on famously.
Yeah, but it's not ours, me and Molly's, you know? I always imagined that when we had a baby, it would look like me, okay? All babies look like you.
Look, adoption is a wonderful thing.
It's-it's just not for me.
Why not? I mean, if you're worried that the kid won't love you, you're wrong.
I was raised by my grandma and I loved her even more because she chose to do it.
It's not about the kid loving me.
What if What if I can't love it back because deep down I know that it's not mine? That's what you're worried about? Well, I'm just being honest.
I mean, that's not fair to the kid.
Children need to be taken care of and loved.
Come on, man.
You are the most loving person I've ever met.
We have never passed a baby that you didn't play peek-a-boo with.
And the kid always got tired of it before you did.
(both laugh) Hey, Mike.
I would love to have you as a father.
In some ways you were.
You taught me to drive, took me voting after I got my citizenship, and vastly underpaid me to do your yardwork.
Oh, good, you're home.
Listen, about the baby Okay, okay before you say anything, I know I made this decision without you, but it doesn't mean that it's not the right one.
I agree, you're right.
But what if I'm right, huh? Okay, I know you don't like change, and sometimes I make you change and you like it.
Remember how you put up a fight about putting mushrooms on a burger? Here.
What is this? Open it.
A necklace that says, "Wow.
" Flip it over.
"Mom.
" - You're always right.
- (sobbing) I would love nothing more than to give that baby a home.
I love you so much.
- (chuckle) - Hey! Where's Frannie? I got her a little gift, too.
She's upstairs, I - I'll go get her! - Okay.
(exhales) "Trix are for Frannie.
" "And Mike.
" She did eat some of mine.
MOLLY: Mike! - She's gone.
Frannie's not down there.
- Gone where? "Ms.
Flynn, "Thank for everything.
"Sorry for causing so much trouble between you and Mr.
Flynn.
" I-I didn't take your name.
Okay, that is not the important thing right now.
Okay, okay.
Let's get our coats.
Come on, get in the car.
Mike, there's no way that she's gonna go back to the same place I found her.
There she is.
How have you not made detective yet? (laughs) Frannie, honey, what are you doing back out here? Really, I'm-I'm good, Ms.
Flynn.
Okay, come on, kiddo.
You are coming home with us.
Why? Why, so that you guys can argue some more? I heard you fighting.
Look, you're both so nice.
I don't want to cause any more trouble than I already have.
What trouble? I mean, the fight's over.
Mike didn't mean what he said.
Yeah, I'm a knucklehead.
He's a knucklehead.
Sometimes, it-it just takes him a minute to come around.
Yeah, but once I do, I am on board.
And I am fully on board for this, Frannie.
For everything.
Yeah, we both-we both are.
Are you sure? 'Cause you know, being a parent is a big responsibility.
Can't be out late like this roaming the streets.
Dude, we know.
All right then.
Let's go home.
All right, okay.
VINCE: I'm gonna be a grandpa A grandpa, a grandpa Or a Pee-Paw Or a Pop-Pop I'm gonna be an Auntie Or an Auntie Or a Mimi.
I'm gonna be Joyce.
And if anybody says the "G" word, I'm pulling out my blade.