Rules of Engagement s06e09 Episode Script

Ugh.
Hey, Aud.
Hey You.
Jeff, you know Ana.
She's been cleaning for us for six months.
She sure is dusting off those cookies.
Hola,Mr.
Jeff.
I have to apologize for my socks.
My feet sweat a lot, but I, uh I guess you knew that.
Anyways, uh Cerveza.
We should get you and that cleaning lady a maid.
Ana is more than just a cleaning lady.
She's become a friend.
Oh, here we go.
- What? - She's here to work.
If anybody should get paid to sit and listen to you yammer, it's me.
First of all, if anyone should be compensated for this marriage, it's me.
I should get hazard pay just for having to share a bathroom with you.
And honestly, why do you even care if I sit and chat with Ana? I'm just saying that you don't have to be best friends with everybody who works for us.
I don't do that.
Then why am I going to the doorman's wedding? I can't help it.
I'm a people person.
Plus, Ana and I have a very good time together.
You don't even speak the same language.
Oh, my Spanish is a lot better than you think it is, Jeff.
Si, si.
Ana.
Hilario.
Ohhh.
Classic Ana.
She she kills me.
What, uh what did she say? It's kind of a private joke.
It doesn't translate.
.
Ah, sir.
I thought you had a lunch.
Well, luckily, I didn't, or it would be all over the floor.
Talk about a wood killer.
Implying that you walked in here with wood.
Always ready to party, Tim.
Ahh.
Whoa, who's the hey, what's that stuff that restores wood to its natural luster? - Teak oil? - Yeah.
Whoa, who's the teak oil? Stephanie, this syphilitic hobgoblin is my boss.
Enchante.
Russell dunbar Wealthy.
Uh, Stephanie is my running buddy.
We motivate each other.
I'd run pretty fast too, if I was being chased by Mahatma Gumby over here.
Okay.
And on that note, we really should get going.
I used to run a little bit.
Ahh.
Really? Yeah.
Got a bum knee from an old iron man injury.
You did an Ironman triathlon? Well, I, uh I hit a theater seat really hard when I went to see iron man.
It was pretty bad.
- Hey, what's going on? - Hey.
Ah, Mr.
rhodes.
This is Stephanie.
- Oh, hi.
- Hi.
Yeah.
Hey, guess what.
I guess she's his "running buddy.
" No air quotes.
That's literally what she is.
Timmy and I are training for the marathon.
Yes, completing a marathon has long since been a personal goal of mine, which I have so far been unable to achieve.
Hm.
Good luck tottering around Manhattan on those slim Jims you call legs.
Sir, your legs look like two rolls of uncooked pillsbury dough.
Hey, the top-selling pastry in America.
You can't hurt me, Tim.
Hey.
You know, in high school, I was co-captain of my cross-country team, till I pulled a groin.
- Hmm.
- Oh, wow.
Whose was it? Yours or the other captain's? Ha, ha.
Nice try embarrassing me, but it was mine.
I pulled my own groin, so Well, if you want, you should join us.
You know, I might.
I've been meaning to get back into it.
Well, it might be a bit late in the game.
The marathon's less than a month away.
It doesn't matter.
Running is 90% mental.
Anything you believe you can do, you can do.
- Well.
- Come on, let's go.
- Hm.
- Cheers.
Byebye.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
- She really inspired me.
- Yeah, me too.
I'm gonna run a marathon.
I'm gonna nail Stephanie.
- Mm.
- Oh.
Oh, look at that.
You two are hugging now.
We were just saying good-bye, Jeff.
Muchas gracias,miss Aubrey.
Muchas gracias, Mr.
Jeff.
Oh.
I'm, uh I'm not much of a, uh here you go.
All right.
All right, off you go.
- Adios.
- Adios.
What's, uh what's with all the "muchas gracias"? Uh, it means "thank you very much.
" Yes, I knew that, rosetta stone.
What I meant was, why is she thanking us? Well, we just did something very generous.
The second I saw you two sharing cookies, I knew it would lead straight to my wallet.
Look, Ana needs an operation, okay? I mean, you saw the way she limped out of here.
I just thought her leg had fallen asleep from sitting around listening to you habla.
That, uh that means "talk".
Look, we are not gonna pay for the whole operation.
I had a wonderful idea.
She works for other people in the building, so I'm gonna ask them to chip in.
I am bringing the whole community together.
Oh, I get it.
Now you just want to show off to everyone, make 'em think you're a hero.
Oh, well, forgive me.
Unlike you, I actually like doing good things for other people.
Well.
This isn't gonna end well.
How is being the leader of a charitable endeavor not going to end well? I don't know, but I look forward to you showing me.
Hey, if charity's your game, why not throw a little this way, huh? Hey, I am happy to contribute.
I think it is so nice what you're doing for Ana.
Oh, I've heard all the adjectives nice, noble, generous, selfless.
But honestly, I'm just being Audrey.
Hey, guys.
Hey.
Did you go for a run or a swim? Oh, my God, you guys are not gonna believe this.
Okay? According to my pedometer, I just ran 30 Miles in a half an hour.
Adam, you have it on clock mode.
You didn't run 30 Miles.
You ran for 30 minutes.
Yeah, but in a half an hour.
You know? I mean, that's, like, my personal best.
Whew.
Whoa.
Wha what's happening with the band-aids? He says it's a runner thing.
Yeah, it prevents nip chafing.
You know how sensitive they can get.
It's pretty smart, huh? Agh! Oh.
Oh! Ouch-less, my ass! So why did you finally agree to have dinner with me? Was it the two weeks of gentle stalking? Actually, it was you emailing me as my friend Caitlin, saying, "meet me at this restaurant.
" That was a good one, huh? Look, you're funny and cute in sort of an ironic way.
That's what I'm going for.
- Well, it's working.
- Hmm.
But you and I are very different people.
Listen, we both put our pants on one leg at a time.
Hopefully, you'll see for yourself in the morning.
None for me, thanks.
I got the marathon coming up.
Then you need to be hydrated.
Or, as I like to call it, "wine-drated".
Look, I-if this was two years ago, it'd be a very different story.
Really? I'd like to hear that story.
Well, I used to be a real party girl.
Drinking, staying out late One-night stands.
Oh, where did it all go wrong? I just don't do anything halfway.
And these days, I'm all about running and training.
Hmm.
Well, I understand and respect that.
In fact, let's drink to that.
Oh, you going to the gym? Move over, mentalist.
There's a new genius in town.
You can't go yet.
Ana's on her way over.
Oh, good.
Well, it's been two weeks.
This place is a dump.
She's not coming to clean.
She wants to thank us for her surgery.
She said she's still a little swollen, but she sounded really happy.
Oh.
That's probably her now.
Hello, Audrey.
I have my check for Ana's surgery.
I'm sorry I'm so late with it.
Oh, no, no, no.
That's fine.
I just went out back and plucked a few more bills off the money tree.
Yeah, well, I-I just wanted to say, I think that it is so great how you spearheaded the whole thing? Well, thank you, but seriously, if I hadn't done it, some other big-hearted person would have.
Oh, Ana! Hola.
Como estas? Muy bien,miss Audrey.
Ohhh.
That that means she's doing very well.
I speak Spanish, so Ana, por favor.
Ay, si.
What's with the hitch in her get-along? Thought we paid to iron that out.
Maybe it's still healing.
Oh, my God.
I definitely see some swelling.
Muchas gracias, miss AudreyyMr.
Jeff.
Muchas gracias.
De nada.
Well, you know, I had my doubts.
But you did good.
Hey.
Bring it in.
Bring it in.
Mr.
Jeff.
Oh, my God.
I am so full.
Here's an idea.
Why don't you stop eating? I'm carbo-loading.
Got the marathon in an hour.
Wait, aren't you supposed to do that the night before? Aud, who ran cross-country in high school? I did.
That makes this a little less dramatic, but so did I.
Hey, Timmy.
Ready for your race? Actually, I've run into a bit of a problem.
I haven't heard from Stephanie in days.
You try looking in me bed? That's the last place I saw her.
If she's not there, try me shower.
If she's not there ugh, okay.
We get it, we get it.
Hey, hey, whoa, whoa.
We don'tallget it.
I can't believe you slept with Stephanie.
Oh, now we all get it.
I should've known meeting you would tempt her back to the dark side.
You really should've.
Why would you do this to me, sir? I don't know, Tim.
Why does anyone do anything? Why does Audrey want her maid to have huge boobs? I don't know.
I didn't want her to have huge boobs, okay? I thought I was doing a good thing.
I thought I was fixing her limp.
Well, ironically, with all that extra weight up top, uh, that, uh that limp is worse than ever.
Mm.
Six months of training down the drain.
Well, why can't you do it by yourself? I've tried, miss Morgan, many a time.
But without someone setting the pace, pushing me forward, I fear I may never reach this lifelong goal.
I'll be your running buddy.
Well, there's always next year.
Hey, come on.
Come on, Tim.
You've come this far.
Well, I suppose I've got nothing to lose.
That's the spirit.
Now let's get some pancakes in you.
Mr.
rhodes, you do know that you're supposed to carbo-load the night before the race.
Um, Tim, who ran cross-country in high school? I did.
God, I gotta stop asking that question.
- You ready? - You tell me.
Whoa.
All right, then.
Feel free to leave, imagination.
Won't be needing you.
Going to go and text Stephanie one more time.
Hey, Timmy, look, I don't think she's coming, buddy.
Okay? And if we're gonna win this thing, you gotta focus.
I'm sorry win this? I'm merely hoping to finish in under five hours.
We have no chance of winning.
Not with that negative attitude, you don't.
You know what, Timmy? I'm sorry, man.
But I'm in it to win it, okay? And I don't think I can deal with your bring-down 'tude.
So Run hard.
Hey, whoa, Tim.
Hey.
Sir.
What on earth are you doing here? - I found Stephanie.
- Really? Where is she? - Okay, she's in Vegas.
- Oh, bullocks.
But don't worry.
We're definitely hooking up when she comes back.
- Terrific.
- Where you going? I can't do this on my own, sir.
I'm giving up.
No, no.
Giving up? Tim, come on.
You've set a goal.
And if you can dream it, you can achieve it.
I mean, look at me, buddy.
My goal was to bang your running buddy.
Was that easy? No.
Were there times I thought of giving up? Sure.
But I didn't.
And I reached my goal.
Twice.
And you can too.
Reprehensible Yet oddly inspiring.
Okay.
Whoa, you're running on those tootsie rolls? Good luck.
What's up, dudes? Yeah, you guys look like you're ready to get your 'thon on.
Hey, mind if I tag along? You know, I ran cross-country in high school.
I'm sure you guys did, too.
Whoa! You know it's 26 Miles, right? Please calm down, Mrs.
Morris.
I'm going to refund everyone's money.
Wow.
Well, that's some pretty colorful language for a gal your age.
Well, you definitely brought the building together.
Everybody agrees.
They hate you.
I just wanted to feel appreciated.
Well, maybe this will help.
"Dear miss Audrey, I am very sorry "about the misunderstanding, "but please know that your generosity "has changed my life.
"I have never been happier and can't wait to wake up each morning.
" Ohh.
That's so nice of Ana.
It's from her husband Carlos.
You know what? I'll take it.
Now.
If you're still feeling generous Where the hell did those Kenyans go? Oh, God.
Cramps! Stupid pancakes.
Mr.
dunbar was right.
I can do this.
I've worked hard.
I've prepared.
I am the only thing standing in my way.
Oh! Oh, my knee! My knee Hey, Timmy.
Hey.
Don't worry.
I got a band-aid.
Agh.
Hey, don't feel bad.
You haven't run a marathon in over ten years, so you know, Yeah, I guess.
And the Kenyans finished top three, so our team had a good showing.
Hmm.
I would've been happy just to have finished.
Well, if it makes you feel any better, when I was with Stephanie, I finished.
I'm sure she didn't.
That's not really my business.
You guys got your food to go? Uh, yeah, we're gonna eat upstairs while we watch something.
- Yeah.
- See you, girls.
Mmhmm.
This table,por favor.
Maybe under there.