Mike & Molly s06e10 Episode Script

1 Previously on Mike & Molly This is Frannie.
Former student of mine.
- She's homeless.
- And pregnant.
And she's telling us how she robs cars.
(car alarm chirps in distance) You're gonna come home with me, and you can stay there until we figure this out.
God, no, no, you-you don't have to do that.
I certainly am not gonna put you out on the street to raise a baby.
Oh, I'm-I'm not keeping the baby.
I'm giving it up.
Oh.
I want it to have a safe home and a chance at a good life.
I'll take it.
I'll take that baby.
Oof, good dinner, Ma.
Sorry about the slim pickin's.
Slim pickin's? It's like a Vegas buffet.
The only thing missing is Wayne Newton.
I can pop in his 8-track.
Uh, dinner without the show is fine.
Ma, we just didn't come over for food.
We, uh, we have some news.
Oh, no, did my doctor call you? What? He said my stool sample was fine, but I know there was something fishy about it.
On top of that, the bastard wouldn't even give me back my Tupperware container.
Aw.
Ma, you got to stop taking in samples - unless the doctor asks for them.
- Okay.
Can we please get off this topic forever? And get back to our news.
Here.
Open this.
I think you're going to be very happy.
What the hell are you doing? I just want to catch your reaction, Ma.
Oh, great, now I got to act happy? Oh, wonderful, a dog toy.
Thank you, the dog will love it.
No, no, no, no, no.
- (rattling) - It is not a dog toy.
Well, I'm not gonna chew on it.
But who is gonna chew on it? Oh, my God, did you get me another dog? All right, let's go about this another way.
Molly and I are gonna be shopping for diapers soon.
So my doctor did call.
I give up.
Okay, the diapers are not for you, they're for a baby, okay? And that's a rattle for a baby because we're adopting a baby, a human baby.
You're gonna be a grandma.
(moaning) She's starting to track it.
(moaning) Or she's having a stroke.
Oh, my God, I'm gonna be a grandma? I'm gonna be a grandma! (laughing) La, la-ba-dee-da La, la-ba-dee-da For the first time in my life I see love I see love For the first time in my life I see love Oh, my God.
Mike, are you seeing this? I didn't see it.
I didn't see anything.
Well, uh, sweetie, Frannie's fully-clothed.
(chuckles): Come on, it's just my belly.
I see yours every time you reach up into the cupboard.
(chuckles) Very funny.
Wow! That is cool! So, there's the baby's head.
Ooh, you've got a cute little pea head! (both chuckle) And those are its knees curled to its chest.
- (gasps) - It looks like he's gonna cannonball out of the there.
(Molly laughs) Everybody out of the splash zone.
It's gonna be a mess! - (chuckles) - Ew.
Ew.
Okay, I, I do see, how you t I'm sorry.
That was disgusting.
So, uh, do you want to know the sex? - Absolutely.
- No.
Oh, come on.
No, Mike, I want to be surprised.
Okay, well, then-then she can just tell me.
No, because if I know you know, it's gonna make me crazy and then I'll drive you crazy because I know you know.
- I know.
- So no.
Okay.
Well, I will say that he or she is a very healthy-looking baby, and appears to be right on schedule.
Great.
So, we're still on for the 15th? Oh, give or take a few days.
Good.
'Cause my job in Portland starts on the 19th.
My friend's band is playing and I'm handing out flyers and dancing on a speaker.
Wait, is that the great job opportunity you were talking about after the baby? Twerking on a amp for a grunge band? Uh, no, they're actually death metal.
Oh.
And they're starting their Pacific Northwest tour, so I'm getting in there on the ground floor.
That's probably also where you'll be sleeping.
(scoffs) No.
No, they said I could sleep in the van.
Oh, well great.
Young girl sleeping in a van behind a seedy bar.
Cool.
MOLLY: Okay.
We got beets for vitamin C, leeks for vitamin K, radishes for calcium, and a banana so you can bring yourself to choke it all down.
Wow, uh, it's like licking the bottom of a lawn mower.
Oh, come on, it is not that bad.
Mmm.
(stifled groan) Vitaminy.
Hey, is that a smoothie? Yeah, packed with everything good for you.
Ooh, thanks for the heads up.
Ms.
Flynn is making sure the baby eats healthy.
(clicks tongue) Unfortunately, I am the delivery system.
Ha-ha! Hey, where's my half a cheesesteak? I went through the fridge and got rid of all the unhealthy stuff.
And by "got rid of" you mean It's gone, Mike.
Ha-ha! I think I'm going to go take a nap.
Okay, well, if you want a snack, let me know.
I made you chocolate pudding with avocados and cacao.
I'll set it out so it actually turns brown.
Ha-ha! You know what? I'm good.
I actually got at Mike's cheesesteak before the trash went out.
Just say it.
Ha-ha! What I'm kind of worried about her.
Why? The cheesesteak was wrapped in foil.
Plus, it's always better the second day.
No, I'm talking about what Frannie's gonna do after the baby.
What do you mean? She's got that big Portland plan.
Sleeping in the creepy van? I mean, what are we supposed to do, wait around for till someone knocks her on the head and makes a suit out of her skin? I mean, 'cause that's where my mind goes.
Boy, you go to some dark places.
You wouldn't last a day in here.
Listen, Frannie's already said she doesn't want to live with us, so the best thing we can do is support her crazy choices.
Yeah, but what if she ends up pregnant again? Then we fly her back home and get our hands on another baby.
No.
We're gonna do the right thing and help Frannie figure out a better plan for after the baby.
After that, if she ends up knocked up, then we're clean and we're on to baby number two.
(both laugh) We're good people.
- We really are.
- Ah.
Where'd you get that? I thought we were out of donuts.
Oh, I got it earlier.
I'm saving it for later.
You can't save it for later.
Who says? Donut protocol.
You either eat it at the time, or you leave it for someone else to take.
But I wasn't hungry when I took it.
Then you shouldn't have taken it.
But I know I'm gonna want it later.
Then you roll the dice and hope that it's there later.
But it wouldn't be there later.
Exactly.
Because someone wants it.
Donut protocol.
Do you want it? Of course I want it! But I'm eating healthy.
Why do you think I'm so mad about it? Mike? Oh, hey, Mol, how you doing? (whispers): Yeah.
I think I've got the answer to our problems.
Frannie's got an older sister.
What? That's great.
How come she never mentioned it? Well, I sense from the letter that, you know, they're not exactly on speaking terms.
Wait, the sister sent you a letter? No, Frannie about a year ago.
And Frannie let you read the letter? Well, she didn't let me not read it.
Wait, something's not adding up here.
Yeah, who just leaves a letter lying around? I don't know, I it could've been laying on the desk.
It could've been in a duffel bag under her bed.
Is this really what you want to get into right now? Okay, all right.
Okay, her name is Maura DuVall, okay? And she lives in Indiana.
Well, what do you want us to do? I want you to stop hassling me and do your police thing.
I mean, run her name and check her e-mails, tap her phone.
It's 2016, invade her privacy.
Oh.
I got it.
Maura DuVall in Gary, Indiana.
(clicks tongue) Oh, damn it, we're too late.
She died last year.
Oh, no.
(sighs) 92 years old.
God bless her heart.
So are you saying that her parents had children 80 years apart? - Could've been a second wife.
- (Molly scoffs) Or it's the Maura DuVall who is 28, lives in Bloomington, and is originally from Chicago.
Bingo.
Yeah, these computers are amazing.
You know, it's how I found out that there's three Carl McMillans in town.
Yeah, you know, I keep trying to get us all together, but they just don't seem interested.
(chuckles) It's ringing.
Yes, is this Maura DuVall? Uh, this is Officer Michael Biggs from the Chicago Police Department.
I am calling in regards to your little sister, Frannie.
Oh, no, no, calm down, ma'am, she's fine.
She's pregnant and I have her in my basement.
No, no, no! Ma'am, calm down! All righty.
Have a seat right here, little lady.
(chuckles) (continues chuckling) (soft chuckle) Why are you both smiling at me? It's creepy.
Oh! We have some exciting news.
(laughs) Wait, wait, wait, don't-don't tell, don't tell her yet.
(whispers): Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, we're rolling.
Okay.
Don't ask us how we know, but we found out that you have a sister in Indiana.
(gasps) Uh, that's your exciting news? Uh, well, no, the exciting news is that we talked to her and she would very much like to see you.
(gasps) Really? (scoffs) Okay, well then she shouldn't have left me high and dry with my parents, ten years ago.
Okay, all right.
She did mention that you might be a little angry with her, but that was a long time ago.
(scoffs) Uh, yeah, yeah, I was ten years old and she left me alone with those Bible-thumping lunatics.
And I'm sure that she would love to tell you that she is sorry, if you were ever willing to talk to her, say in a safe and, perhaps, neutral environment.
Please don't tell me she's here.
Right here, no.
- She's on the porch.
- (gasps) She's on the porch! I cannot believe you guys would do this without talking to me! - Frannie - Wait, wait, if you're gonna follow her, take the phone.
I'm just gonna say it: we suck at surprises.
(nervous chuckle) So Bloomington, huh? Yeah, yeah.
I hear it's nice.
It's not.
That's what I hear, too.
Listen, kid, I know what you're going through.
I got a half brother that hates my guts, too.
I convinced him to invest every penny he had in a pyramid scheme.
Lost his house, everything.
Ended up living in the box the skin care products came in.
I'm glad we got out when we did.
Yeah, we did okay.
Believe me, I didn't want to leave Frannie.
I was young and I had to get out of that house.
I mean, I could barely take care of myself, let alone a seven-year-old.
Listen, nobody here's judging you for running out.
Oh, God.
Can't tell you how many times I drove around with a packed suitcase in my car.
What? I thought you were always talking about taking that stuff to Goodwill? Well, I couldn't tell you I was thinking of leaving.
Geez, what-what kind of mother would that be? All right, maybe in hindsight, we shouldn't have gone behind your back.
Or through your duffel bag.
We were, we were concerned about you, and-and we thought that if you could reconnect with your sister she could help you out after you had the baby.
I don't need her help.
I have a plan.
The go-go gig in Portland? Honey that plan blows.
What, you got a better one? Yes, upstairs sitting on our couch.
It's too late for that.
Is it? You know, Frannie, when I told your sister what you were going through, she dropped everything and drove straight up here.
You know, I can't even get my sister to drive me to the airport.
Just talk to her.
Give her a chance.
But you know what? It's your decision and if you want me to go upstairs and tell her to leave, I will.
- Tell her to leave.
- No! I'm not gonna do that.
Now get up there and talk to her.
Fine! Don't give us that look, young lady.
Get up there! I think we're gonna be good parents.
Me, too.
Yeah.
(both chuckle) Okay, here we go.
A little decaf lemon zinger to ease things along.
Now, I threw out all the cookies, so I just poured a little All-Bran in a bowl there.
Enjoy.
(chuckles) Thank you.
You're very welcome.
Remember, this isn't going to be easy.
You know? This is about healing.
(softly): Quiet is okay.
Silence is fine.
(normal voice): You can't fill every minute of every single second with chitter chatter - and stories and - MIKE: Molly! Yup! Okay, all right.
Well, I'll leave you to it.
What was that? Did you? We didn't say anything.
Oh, great.
I'll just be in the kitchen if you need me.
Healing.
Okay? Healing.
Mending broken fences.
The olive branch goes back to the Roman - MIKE: Molly! - Yup, yeah, yeah.
(chuckle) What's going on? I don't know.
It's really awkward out there.
Well, I'm sure the All-Bran will fix that.
I'm just glad they're out there talking together.
I mean, hopefully they'll find something to bond over.
I mean, they both hate their parents.
Seems like a pretty solid foundation to start.
I don't know if this is the right time to say this, but can we switch rooms? There are two people and we got five of us jammed in here like animals.
I'm fine, I'm just worried about you guys.
So How far along are you? Please don't make small talk.
What do you want me to say? You don't want to hear my apologies, you don't want to hear why I left It's not gonna undo what you did.
Frannie, I know that.
I've just missed you so much.
You don't think I've missed you? You were more of a mother to me than mom ever was.
She says, "You were more of a brother to me than Tom ever was.
" Who's Tom? Maybe he's the father of the baby? The plot thickens.
No, that can't be right.
Mike, get out of there.
All right, Maura's talking.
She said, "You're my sister and I've always loved you.
" Frannie says, "I love you, too.
" That is so sweet.
Molly, we don't say that enough.
Quiet! Okay, Maura's telling her that she can come live with her in Indiana.
Oh, there's a hug.
(all murmuring) Shut up, shut up, shut up! Okay, they're talking again.
Maura says, "I have a great job, "wonderful husband.
We both want to help you raise the baby.
" Wait, what? And they're hugging again.
She can't do that.
Can she? I think she just did.
I feel sick.
I don't even know what I'm looking for in these drawers.
I'm just afraid if I stop doing it, I'm gonna fall apart.
Why'd we have to call her sister? 'Cause it was the right thing to do.
Yeah, for everybody but us.
(knocking on door) FRANNIE: Ms.
Flynn? Come in.
Hey.
I just wanted to thank you both for getting me in touch with Maura.
Are you sure? What do we really know about her? Mike.
Um, you know, she actually said that I could stay with her.
Yeah, we heard.
We also heard her say that she wants to take you and the baby.
Well then you heard me tell her no.
What? I made a promise to you two.
I'm not going back on that.
You're not? - No.
- (sighs) You guys are gonna be great parents.
Oh my God, Frannie, thank you.
Uh, hey, I actually, I have something for you.
My sister got it for the baby.
Maybe when he or she gets older, you can tell him I didn't want to give him up, I just wanted him to have the best life possible.
You can't do this.
What? (sighs) Things are different now, I mean You have the chance to bring up your baby and you didn't have that chance before.
Mol, what are you doing? No, because it's hard enough.
But I promised you.
If you want this baby, half as much as I do, you are never gonna forgive yourself if you keep this promise.
(voice breaking): I don't know what to do.
Yeah, you do.
Oh, it's good they left a little early.
This way they'll be able to beat traffic.
I'm pouring a drink if anyone wants one.
I'll have a cosmopolitan with a sugared rim and a lemon twist.
Or whatever.
Just I'm never getting my hopes up for anything again.
You know, I'll see you later, I'm going to the horse track.
MOLLY: Okay, wait a minute, wait a minute.
Okay.
Okay, we have every reason to be sad but we also have plenty of reasons to be happy.
I mean, we-we just got a family back together.
And, you know, maybe this baby got away from us, but I'll tell you what, the next one's not gonna be so lucky.
You're damn right, and we're still going to adopt.
There's a baby out there with our name on it.
Before you know it, we'll be up all hours of the night (chuckles) knee-deep in dirty diapers.
Got a lot of leftover pacifiers from my rave days, so JOYCE: You know what I'm looking forward to? Holding a baby in a rocking chair, hearing that little rumble in the diaper and knowing I don't have to change it.
Don't forget the terrible twos.
And the terrible threes.
And puberty, brutal.
That's when they hate you.
God, I can't wait.
(laughs)