Desperate Housewives s06e15 Episode Script

Previously on Desperate Housewives.
A friend was welcomed back.
I told them how much better you were doing.
A marriage was on the mend.
I would like to recapture what we once had.
Gabby and Carlos discovered a secret You are getting sloppy! And if people start poking around, we're done! and Susan made a request.
You're asking if I'm okay with letting a stripper live with us? The first thing you need to know about Robin Gallagher was that everyone liked to look at her.
They would stare at her legs, and her breasts, and her hair.
And once they were done, people would begin to ask Who is this? - This is my friend, Robin.
- Hello there.
Mike had to work today, so I thought I'd bring her as my plus one.
- Hello there.
- You already said that.
I wanted her to know I meant it.
It's really good to have you back on the lane, Katherine.
It's great to be back.
I didn't know what to expect at first.
I have wondered how everyone would feel about me, if they were really ready to welcome me back.
I guess there's always that fear that people are going to reject you.
- Do I smell appetizers? - I know I do.
Hello, Susan.
Who's your new friend? Robin, this is Carlos, Tom, Roy, and Orson.
Hope you got all that because there's going to be a quiz later.
Oh, God.
So, Robin, welcome to my humble abode.
Thank you.
It's so suburban.
I've never been in a place where the ceilings are so tall.
Fascinating.
Just fascinating.
- You live in the city? - I did, but I'll be living with Susan for a while.
I just moved in today.
- Susan, let's get you a drink.
- Oh, no.
That's okay.
I'll wait till So So, how did you meet Susan? So, you want to tell us about your new friend? Or should I say "roommate"? She was down on her luck and she needed a place to stay.
Plus I feel responsible because I told her to give up her job.
What was wrong with her job? Well, we probably don't need to let the guys in on this, but Robin was That's wild! So, you used to be a stripper? Yes, everyone liked to look at Robin Gallagher, but not everyone liked what they saw.
Later, while the men of Wisteria Lane were trying the shrimp, their wives were trying to control themselves.
You moved a stripper into the neighborhood? - What were you thinking? - You guys aren't even taking the time - to get to know her.
- Our husbands are in there pooling together their dollar bills.
What more do we need to know? I just met Robin.
She seems great.
Did she mention that she's a stripper? Did she have to? Look, I am just trying to help her get back on her feet.
I bet that'd be a nice change for her.
She is living in my house.
If anybody should be worried, it'd be me, and I am not threatened by her at all.
- Really? - Yes.
She's a nice girl.
Yeah.
Nice, blonde, and you can bounce a quarter off her ass.
I'm telling you, she's trouble.
Here's the good thing, she can't bring any more crazy to this street than I did.
Let's give her a chance.
I agree.
Robin's probably had a tough life and she needs our help.
Well, I'm all for being open-minded, but I have teenage boys at home.
The last thing I need next door is a stripper.
Hey, Mrs.
Scavo.
We're picking up Parker for school.
Please, come in.
I'll get him for you.
So, are you ever going to get back to folding the laundry? Well, I thought I'd treat myself and wash the breakfast dishes first.
Well, you started this, don't you think you should finish? Well, since you're so passionate about it, knock yourself out.
Okay, you just went from jerk to adorable real quick.
- Happy anniversary.
- Oh.
It's the ring! You went back to that antique shop! Yep.
Thank you.
Wait till you see your present.
You can unwrap it tonight, when the kids are asleep.
Or how about after they leave for school? Okay.
Hey, why are they still up there? And why can't I hear them? Hey, boys.
What's going on? We're late for school.
Hey, Lynette.
Hi.
The next time you take a shower, do you think you could close your blinds? I have a 16-year-old son, and he has friends.
- Oh, no.
- Oh, yes.
You may have retired from the strip club, but you're still doing seven shows a week.
I mean, at least they didn't have to pay a cover charge, right? This is a nice community.
You have a responsibility to the neighbors, especially the ones with innocent children.
Well, they're not all so innocent.
Excuse me? Yesterday, that son of yours asked me if I would have sex with him.
Parker? My Parker? Red hair, skinny, still-sleeps-in-a-bed- shaped-like-a-race-car Parker? Of course, I said no.
Then he offered me cash.
Hey.
Come in.
Have a seat.
What's up? Is something wrong? We hoped it would be another year before we had the parent-son conversation where we tell you not to offer your neighbor money for sex, but Oh, crap.
She told? Yeah.
You might want to pick a more discreet stripper next time.
What were you thinking? We raised you better than that.
Didn't we? - Yeah, we did.
- We did.
So, what do you have to say for yourself? I just really, really, really needed to have sex.
Three "reallys"? Well, in that case, here's a 20.
Go back and try again.
You are a 16-year-old boy.
We understand your hormones are holding your brain hostage, but why would you think you would need to pay for sex? Because I'm the only one of my friends who hasn't lost his virginity.
First of all, we've seen your friends, and trust me, Pimples, Braces, and Beam Me Up Scotty are not getting any.
Girls don't look at me that way.
It's never going to happen.
Hey.
Knock it off.
You are a great kid.
You don't need to pay for it.
In a few years, when you're emotionally ready, you'll meet the right girl and you will have tons of sex.
After you're married.
Okay, Dad.
Sorry.
Nice job.
Thank you.
You think he bought it? Bought what? You know.
Mmm-mmm.
Guys always pay for sex in some way.
I mean, dinner, flowers, antique rings.
Whoa.
Whoa! You think that's the only reason we're having sex tonight? Of course not.
It's our anniversary.
It's a given, like turkey on Thanksgiving.
Although I am hoping that the ring gets me an upgrade from missionary.
Forget about upgrades.
You just got bumped off the flight.
Honey, what Why are you getting so upset? Because I didn't know I was married to such a cynical lug nut.
Wait Are we really not going to have sex tonight? Don't worry, Tom.
In a few years, when you're emotionally ready, you're going to have tons of sex.
Come on! So, you really like that ring? Yep.
Did you read the inscription? "To my darling" We're not having sex, Tom.
Come on.
Why not? Because I am still upset by what you said.
Do you really think women only sleep with men if they buy them things? No.
I think supermodels sleep with because they love to hear stories about when bread was five cents a loaf.
Well, I'm not a model and you're no millionaire, so I'm thinking you owe me an apology.
You and I went to Marley's Tavern on our first two dates, and I could barely get past a good night kiss.
But the third time out, I dropped 200 bucks at La Rive Gauche and bam! You finally put out.
Finally made love.
Listen, you idiot.
I did not put out because you bought me an expensive dinner.
I did it because you showed up for the date with a light bulb to replace the one that had burned out in the hallway to my apartment.
Remember? You said I didn't live in the best neighborhood And I was worried about you.
Bingo! I was ready to do you right then and there.
Really? That's all it takes? Me showing you I care? Because that's easy.
And now it's time for your anniversary present.
Hey, Robin.
Remember the other day when I told you this was a nice neighborhood? I forgot to warn you there's this one bitch that lives right nearby, and that would be me.
Look, I understand.
An ex-stripper moving next door will freak some people out.
No.
Seriously, I'm sorry.
Apology accepted.
And by the way Yeah? The next time you're giving it to your husband with the lights on, could you draw the drapes? Here we go.
Well, I've got the Steiner bar mitzvah tomorrow.
Do you need me to run any errands for you before I go? No, I should be good.
Joyce will be here at 3:00 for my rehab, and Roy offered to take me to the park.
Well, isn't that lovely.
- Well, I guess I'll read.
- Do you want to watch a movie? - I guess we could watch a movie.
- No, no, no.
You want to read.
Go ahead.
Well, good night.
If you need anything, just ring the bell.
I'm right upstairs.
I'm sure I'll be fine.
Knock, knock.
Robin.
Come on in.
- Can I ask you a favor? - Sure.
Susan and Mike have been so good to me.
I want to do something nice for them, and I thought, hey, maybe I should bake them a cake.
That's very thoughtful.
Well, feel free to use whatever you need.
Thank you.
So, what do I need? Robin, what exactly do you know about cakes? Well, I know that if you're going to hide in one for more than an hour, the air holes have got to be pretty big.
All right, then.
It looks like I will be teaching you how to make a cake.
Oh, yay! You rock, Bree.
I rock.
Now, the key to success is following the recipe exactly.
The secret to baking is precision.
Got it.
You're my hero.
- What are you doing? - Making you my screen saver.
That's sweet.
You're replacing my cat.
He's eating noodles.
- Let's just do this.
- Okay.
Go get yourself an apron.
That is, like, the coolest cake I've ever seen.
Raspberry mocha, Orson's favorite.
I talked to him at the party.
He's nice.
It must be tough having him in a wheelchair.
It's been challenging.
Well, they say you can get through anything if you have a solid marriage.
Yes, well - I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to pry.
- It's fine.
Let's just say before his accident there were issues, and now we're trying to put the pieces back together.
Well, that's good for you.
So, what's the piece you can't find? Ah, now you are prying.
What? We did make a cake together.
Look, my grandmother always said that if you want to save your marriage, there's only one room to do it in.
- The bedroom.
- Yeah, I got that.
It's not about sex, it's about closeness.
We've lost our intimacy.
Honey, sex is how men get intimate.
Well, I'm not even sure he's capable.
It doesn't matter.
His brain still works.
I mean, he can see you, he can feel you touch him, he can hear what you say to him.
You know, I had this regular customer, I used to have to push the oxygen tank out of the way to give him a lap dance.
I don't know if he's even interested.
Well, here's the thing.
Neither of us knows for sure, but only one of us can find out.
Hello, dear.
How was the bar mitzvah? A boy became a man and a rabbi blessed my cream puffs.
Same old, same old.
How was your day? Oh, I've been passing the time reading.
Well, I suppose I should get out of these clothes.
Peter Tchaikovsky, God bless you.
Yes, I never tire of this piece.
It's extraordinary.
So moving, so sensual.
Don't you want to do that upstairs? You know, near the hamper? Actually, I'd rather do it right here.
Why are you walking like that? Why do you think? I'm not sure.
You're trying to make me feel better about being paralyzed? Guess again, big boy.
Well, if you're having a stroke, we're going to make quite the team.
Oh, I do believe it's getting hot in here.
Are you all right? Yeah.
Just a second.
My earring's caught.
Enjoy the music.
Let me help.
- No, no, no, I'm good.
- Stay there, I'm coming over.
No, Orson, I've got it.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I told you I didn't need any help.
Well, in my defense, that wasn't entirely clear.
Forget it.
This was stupid.
What was that? What do you think? It was a lap dance.
That was a lap dance? I was trying to arouse you.
You are aware I'm in a wheelchair? Well, I thought you still might be interested in that sort of thing.
- I am.
- Well, you certainly don't act like it.
After the accident, I just never thought you would ever consider Orson.
Things will be awkward at first, but we can work on it.
You're my husband.
I want to be close to you.
I want to share your bed again, even if it means just holding your hand before you fall asleep.
Come here.
Is this all right? Let's see, I've got Tchaikovsky on the stereo, my wife in my arms.
Yes, this is all right.
She and Danny spent the whole day together.
What's left to say? This is out of control.
Let's forbid Ana to talk to him.
Yeah, forbid two teenagers, that always works.
Besides, what would we say? We overheard his parents talking and we think they're evil? What do you think the Bolens did? I don't know, but you don't go on the run for not paying your cable bill.
They've been cagey ever since they moved in.
And Nick doesn't work.
How do they have money? Maybe they're drug dealers or gun runners.
Whatever they are, I don't want Ana anywhere near that family.
She won't break up with him.
- She will if we make her.
- I told you, that won't work.
We need to come up with a carrot, not a stick.
- Ana.
- Privacy, please.
- I've got big news.
- For me or for you? - You.
- Oh.
I just got a call from my good friend Luke Rayfield.
I was a struggling model in New York when he was a struggling photographer.
Well, mostly I was his beard for all his family functions.
- There was this one time - Is the part about me coming up? Yeah.
Anyway, Luke now has his own modeling agency.
And he's always looking for new talent, so I sent him your picture.
Wait for it, wait for it.
He wants to represent you.
You may now begin screaming.
I have to call Danny.
Well, you know what? Danny can wait.
We need to go buy you some new luggage.
They want you in New York immediately.
Now? But don't I have to finish high school? World War II, Germany lost.
Korean War, Korea lost.
Vietnam War, we lost.
Happy graduation.
What's wrong? - I don't think I can go just yet.
- Why not? Danny and I have a plan.
We're going to New York together when I graduate.
After everything I've done for her.
"Danny and I are moving to New York after I graduate.
We're in love.
" Pour me some more wine before I throw up.
What's wrong? Gabby got her niece a foot in the door for a modeling career - and she's turning it down.
- Bad call.
Look, I used to take ballet, and I was pretty good at it, too.
And one time this instructor from a big ballet company saw me perform.
Long story short, two days later they offered me a job.
- What happened? - Bobby Butterfield happened.
- A boy.
- Not just a boy, the boy.
I was crazy about him.
Thought it was going to last forever.
So, I passed on the job, and two months later he dumped me for Louise McMullen.
And then the month after that, I got into a car accident, messed up my knee, and then it was goodbye tutu, hello ta-tas.
That is fantastic! Did we just hear the same story? You have got to tell that story to Ana.
Putting off your dreams and then having your life spiral down the crapper? It couldn't be more perfect.
Well, I mean, I guess I could talk to Ana, - if you think it would help her.
- Great.
And don't be afraid to turn on the waterworks.
Nothing says pathetic like stripper tears.
Maybe it would help if I started taping you, so you could hear what it is you say.
Don't be discouraged if Luke starts you off with catalogue work.
Just try to get your face in the shot, which is a little tough to do with a lawn mower, but I did it.
Hey, Ana, where've you been? I was texting you.
Oh, I was just coming over.
Taking a trip? I'm sure you two have a lot to talk about, so I'll just take these inside for you.
Bye, Danny.
What do you need luggage for? I was just about to come over and tell you right now.
- When did this happen? - I just found out, okay? Ana, I thought we were supposed to go together.
Why can't you wait? This is a huge opportunity.
You should be saying, "Great, Ana, go for it.
" If you can't support me, then maybe we shouldn't even be together.
- Hey! Hey, Robin! - Hi.
What's up? I've been meaning to thank you.
Your little speech to Ana worked like a charm.
- I just took her to the airport.
- Great.
So, why was she fighting with Danny Bolen yesterday? They were breaking up.
They were dating? Yeah.
That's the whole reason I wanted you to talk to her.
To convince her she was screwing up her life so I could ship her off to New York and get her away from Danny.
You didn't tell me that.
- Okay.
So? - So, I don't like being used.
Don't get upset.
You did good.
Ana's gone, Danny's out of the picture.
I owe you big time.
Danny.
Hey, I think we need to talk.
Sorry.
It's really not a good time.
Actually, this is exactly the time.
I just talked to Luke.
Ana has settled into her dorm, she's got all her classes lined up, and he's taking her new headshots tomorrow.
And the best part is, she is miles away from the nearest Bolen.
Perfect timing.
Something smells good.
Thank you.
Just putting on the finishing touches before we eat.
You spoil me.
What's wrong? Is it your back again? Yeah, I spent all day working in a crawl space.
I'll call the chiropractor first thing in the morning.
No need for that.
I can fix it.
Come here.
Wait, wait, wait.
What are you doing? At Double D's, the girls were constantly throwing their backs out from sliding down that pole.
They all came to see me.
Now, just relax.
And one, two, three There.
How do you feel? Oh, my God.
It's gone.
The pain's gone.
Wow.
Thank you, Robin.
I was just going to give him a scotch and make him sleep in the guest room.
Seriously, you really fixed me up.
Thanks.
Please.
After all you guys have done for me, that's the least I can do.
- I'm home.
- In here.
No fast food tonight.
Fire up the microwave.
- Hey.
- My back went out again.
Robin tried cracking it, but it just didn't go deep enough.
This is the way the Buddhist monks do it.
It's the only way to get through all that muscle.
Is there a problem, babe? No.
No problem.
It looks like you're in good hands.
Or feet.
So, I'll just go make dinner.
Happy trails.
- How does that feel? - Oh, yeah.
That Do that, do that.
- Can you handle a little more? - Give me all you got.
So, I ran into Janice White today.
- Says her husband is sick.
- Wow, you're really stiff.
- Here, let me try something else.
- Oh, you're the boss.
Apparently, it's bacterial and he's bloating like a pig.
- I'm going to grab it and pull.
- Go for it.
- And there's a lot of diarrhea! - Oh, yes.
Oh, yes.
Oh, yes.
This is incredible.
Those monks really know what they're doing.
Yeah.
When do they find time to pray? Hey.
I'm on my way to school.
The faculty volunteered to make sandwiches for the homeless.
Okay.
Well, I'll see you later.
What's the matter? I re-piped an entire house.
Even my hair hurts.
You poor thing.
You want the heating pad? No.
No, I'll be okay.
Well, I won't be gone long.
Feel better.
I'll just have Robin crack my back when she gets home.
Or I could stay here and do it.
What about the homeless? Please, they've gone this long without food.
What's another 10 minutes? Susan, do you have a problem with Robin working on me? Of course not.
But she's not here and you're in pain, so why don't you let me take a shot at it? "A shot at it?" We're talking about my spine.
Mike, Robin didn't exactly go to medical school between lap dances.
I saw what she did.
I can do the same thing.
- Okay.
- Here we go.
Ow! "Ow"? No "ow!" That's exactly what Robin did.
No, she didn't yank it.
It's my arm, not an emergency brake.
Shh.
Just take a deep breath.
The key is relaxation.
Okay, one, two You know, if you hadn't moved when I said "three" Just go.
Oh, my God, Susan.
Is Mike going to be all right? - Can I see him? - Sure, sweetie.
Just don't climb on the bed.
Look, why didn't you wait for me? I would've taken care of Mike's back, no problem.
Well, I wanted to do it myself.
Oh.
Okay.
I'm lying.
I didn't want to do it.
I just really wanted you not to do it.
I don't understand.
God, I've been trying really hard to be cool about all of this, but when I walked in and I saw you all over Mike When I was cracking his back? I was just trying to help.
While you were wearing next to nothing and straddling my husband! How was I supposed to react? You used to be a stripper.
Don't cry.
Why are you crying? Strippers are supposed to be tough.
Stop calling me that.
Yes, I was a stripper.
But you know what? You were the only person who never treated me like one.
Until now.
Oh.
And I'm really sorry if I crossed the line with Mike.
I guess after working nine years in the clubs, I just don't know where the line is anymore.
It's I I overreacted.
- Maybe I should move out.
- No, Robin.
You don't have to do that.
I want us to be friends for a very long time.
So, yes, I do.
Daddy needs help making the bed go back down.
- Hello.
- Hi.
Susan asked me to bring you some of your mail.
Oh, thank you.
I'm Robin.
We met at your party.
Yeah, I remember.
How's it going? Oh, I take it you heard about my little vacation at Fairview Behavioral.
Yes.
I heard.
Well, to be honest, it's been hard.
Especially coming back to this big, empty house.
Not to mention the subtle glances I get from people judging me.
You know what I say? To hell with them.
Thank you.
I'll see you.
Hey, and if this house gets too lonely, I'm looking for a room to rent.
I mean, Mike and Susan are great, but it's getting a little crowded over there.
Okay.
I'll keep it in mind.
For what it's worth, it might take the heat off of you.
I mean, no one judges the woman from the loony bin when there's a stripper next to her.
This is great.
I haven't had a female roommate since after college.
Let's hear it for girl power.
We should go out and have a drink to celebrate.
Oh, I don't know.
My therapist says I should get out more, but even being over at Gabby's house the other day, it's It's just hard.
Yeah, I get that.
So, what was it like being in a mental hospital? You know, about as much fun as one would expect.
I only ask because of my mom.
She used to use me as a punching bag, and I always dreamed about having her committed.
I'm sorry.
No, it was only when she was drunk.
It was her way of coping with my dad cheating on her all the time.
I remember wishing that he was ugly so other women wouldn't want him, but he looked like Clint Eastwood.
Anyway, Mom had to take out her anger somewhere, and I was an easier target than a 6'4" trucker.
Actually, it was pretty bad at the hospital.
People always say it's the screaming that gets to you.
But at least screaming means you're alive, you know? What I couldn't take were the people with the blank stares.
There was this one woman who sat frozen in the garden all day, whispering the words to Old MacDonald Had a Farm over and over and over.
Did the doctors ever take offense when she got to, "Here a quack, there a quack, everywhere a quack, quack"? You know what? If there were ever two people who deserved a night out drinking, it's us.
Okay, quid pro quo.
I told you what it was like to go to bed in restraints, so I think it's only fair that you tell me what it was like being a stripper.
It was brutal.
I mean, if I had a dollar for every guy that slapped me on my butt just because he felt like it Come to think of it, I do.
Excuse me.
My friend and I were wondering if you'd like to join us at our table.
No, thank you.
It's girls' night out.
Two beautiful women in a bar.
Can't blame a guy for asking.
We're over there if you decide to go coed.
Is it bad that I want to go sit with them? - You do? - Yeah.
It's been a while since a guy that cute has flirted with me.
- You know what? Let's do it.
- Really? Yes.
You look way too hot to waste it on just me.
Shall we? Mmm.
Come on, you've got to have a secret.
Nope.
It's shampoo and conditioner.
Well, it looks amazing.
You should be on the cover of hair magazines.
- What is it you said you do? - I didn't.
But my friend Katherine is starting her own catering company.
Well, thinking about it.
Cooking is a passion of mine, but a lot has to happen before I start my own business.
I know.
You're a model.
- No.
- A dental hygienist? - No.
- I know.
You're a flight attendant.
You may as well tell me, or I'm just going to keep guessing all night.
She's a stripper.
Okay? Ex-stripper.
I'm sorry.
Well, hey, why are you apologizing? We love strippers.
Yeah.
They're like angels of mercy that show their boobs.
Well, we should probably get going.
What are you talking about? We haven't even danced yet.
I don't really feel like dancing.
Although I can't speak for Katherine here.
Well, it's just, I want to dance with you.
What, you're not attracted to someone who's classy, witty, not to mention breathtakingly beautiful? No offense to your friend, but you're more my type.
Oh.
Well, in that case, I guess I'll just keep her all to myself.
Night, guys.
God, the look on their faces.
I know.
It was the perfect combo of "I am so turned on" and "I am so going home alone.
" You should remember that the next time you want to get out of a bad date.
Oh, no.
I don't think so.
Those two pigs confirmed what I've been thinking for a while now.
I think it's time for me to give up on men.
Amen, sister.
It's official.
My dating days are over.
I mean, you don't have to take it that far.
You could always just do what I did and explore other options.
What do you mean? Cast a wider net? Expand the pool? Date chicks.
Oh.
So, you're Yep.
Card carrying.
Ha! I thought that kiss felt awfully convincing.
I mean, I dated guys for a long time, and I just never really felt a connection.
And then I started stripping, and I was surrounded by all these confident, sexy women and I realized, "Robin, sweetie, you have been barking up the wrong tree.
" Yeah, I think I've got the right tree, just sick of barking.
Well, suit yourself.
You're okay with this, right? I mean, it's not going to affect anything with us? I don't see why it would.
Okay.
Hey, Robin.
What are you up to? Just out for a walk.
It's such a nice day.
Yeah, it is.
So, how do you like the neighborhood? Is everyone treating you okay? I guess so.
No one's giving you any guff about being a stripper, are they? Oh, no.
I just want to make sure.
Because trust me, I've been there.
Way back when, I was sort of in the sex trade myself.
Oh, yeah.
I used to model women's foundation garments for Sears, Roebuck.
These breasts put me through college.
They're real, by the way.
They look real.
Yeah.
Anyway, I'm glad that people are treating you nice.
You know what the best part is? They actually see me.
See you? I spent a lot of years working at a place where people stared at me all night long, but no one ever really saw me.
- You know what I mean? - I do.
And when I first got here, I thought it was going to be the same thing.
But I get the feeling your neighbors see past all the stuff that people usually look at.
It makes me feel really good.
I'm glad.
Robin Gallagher was right.
The people she had met on Wisteria Lane had really looked at her.
And they had seen her sense of morality, her loyal heart, her surprising insight, her forgiving nature.
Some people had even taken notice of her incredible beauty, and they were surprised to discover they liked what they saw.