Frasier s06e21 Episode Script

Know what I could go for? Some fried eggs and bacon.
- Here's your bran flakes.
- Oh, fine.
Oh, hot.
- Don't give him any toast.
- I'm not.
Lifestyle, Sports and recycling.
Yes, we see you, Eddie.
Eight o'clock on the dot.
Well, he's a dog.
What do you expect? He's a creature of habit.
- Good morning, all.
- Hey, Fras.
- Dad, Daphne.
- Go on.
- Morning.
- Say, Dad, you remember that woman I went out with on Valentine's Day, but I wasn't quite sure if it was a romantic thing? Yeah, that new publicity woman at the station.
Yes, Cassandra Stone.
Well, I asked her out again last night, and I got my answer.
Oh, I'm sorry, Fras.
No, I'm not finished.
That's the spirit.
You hang in there.
You know, Dr.
Crane, someone once said that long periods of abstinence can actually refresh the soul.
- Good morning, everyone.
- That someone was me and I was full of it.
Everyone, this is Cassandra.
You must be Frasier's dad.
I've heard all about you.
- Marty Crane.
- Nice to meet you.
Well, nice to meet you too.
You are so cute.
Now I see where Frasier got those gorgeous eyes.
And this is Daphne Moon, my father's home-healthcare worker.
Hello.
Are you gonna join us for breakfast? Oh, I could go for an English muffin.
Perhaps our own English muffin could fetch that for you.
- Or I could get it.
- No, no, I'll get it myself.
Way to go, Fras.
I like her.
Gee, I wonder why.
"Now I see where Frasier gets those gorgeous eyes.
" Niles.
Hurry up and get dressed.
Frasier, we'll lose our court.
I must warn you, I may be unbeatable today.
Our squash pro, Octavio, taught me a backhand slice that could shave the bristles off a kiwi fruit.
Niles, I'm afraid we may have to reschedule today.
You see, I had a date last night.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Yeah Hey, but there's no sense moping around.
Game of squash is the best thing for you.
I can't think of a better way to lift your spirits.
- Good morning.
- Keep thinking.
I tell you, Roz, the entire evening was pure magic.
Well, I'm happy for you.
You have been in a dry spell, haven't you? Oh, no, Roz.
Actually, that was just the calm before the storm.
I assure you, we are in the midst of a full-blown love hurricane.
You were so much easier to be around when you were horny and pathetic.
I'm sorry.
I have been monopolising the conversation.
So, what's going on with you? Well, actually, it has been a really exciting week.
Of course, Alice's first birthday party is this Sunday, and we're having 12 of her little friends over.
She loves bears, so the whole party's gonna be this bear theme: Party favours, bear cake.
I'm gonna dress up like a bear, I think, and do a little bear dance.
That's really great about you and Cassandra.
Yes, yes.
We're really hitting it off, I think.
Frasier? - Faye.
- Hi.
Oh, my God.
Hey.
Hi, it's been a while.
Gosh, oh, Faye Moskowitz, this is my producer, Roz Doyle.
- Hey.
- How are you? So, what have you been up to? Well, I just got back from Paris.
Really? I didn't even know you'd gone.
You didn't get my message? Oh, Frasier, before I forget, Faye called.
She's going to France for a month.
- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
It's great to see you.
- We should get together for coffee.
- I'd love to.
I'm on my way out.
Why don't you take my seat? - Thanks, if that's all right with you.
- Of course.
Great.
Well, I'll put some money in my meter.
What are you doing? I can't have coffee with her.
Why not? Obviously, she's still interested.
I'm seeing Cassandra, for God's sakes.
I can't date two people at once.
Well, it doesn't have to be on the same night.
If you're good at faking a headache, don't mind getting changed in the car Roz.
Well, did you tell Cassandra you were gonna be exclusive to her? No.
So then you're just dating.
Relax.
It's supposed to be fun.
Just see where it takes you.
That sort of lifestyle's all right for some people but not for me.
I'm a one-woman man, if that.
Okay, suit yourself.
Keep it platonic.
Well, that's easy for you to say.
How do you tell somebody that you're attracted to them but you just can't sleep with them? I guess you just say You just say I'll ask around.
You know what I feel like this morning? Some French toast and sausage patties.
- Here's your bran flakes.
- Oh, fine.
Oh, hot.
You're not giving him any toast, are you? Of course not.
- Oh, morning.
- Oh, hey.
- Morning.
- I didn't hear you come in last night.
Did you have a date? Well, I guess that answers that.
Well, ease up there.
Cassandra's a great gal.
Women like her don't come along every day.
Morning.
No, they certainly don't.
Dad, Daphne, you remember Faye? - Hi, Martin, it's good to see you again.
- Oh, yeah, likewise.
And, Daphne, you look gorgeous.
Did you get your hair cut since the last time I saw you? Oh, yes, I did.
Thank you.
Can I fix you some breakfast? I have really gotta run.
I'm running late.
I have to call my friend at the museum to get tickets for that Seurat exhibit.
- I just hope it's not sold out.
- Well, if it is, que Seurat Seurat.
Yeah, that was funnier the first time.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
What happened to Cassandra? Obviously, he dumped her for someone better.
I haven't dumped anyone.
You mean you're dating both of them? Oh, no, I didn't intend to.
It's just that, well I ran into Faye.
I was about to tell her about Cassandra.
It's just that we were enjoying our coffee so much that coffee turned into dinner, and then dinner turned into drinks, and then drinks turned into, well, coffee again.
Damn, I completely forgot I rescheduled squash with Niles.
Don't be angry at me for still being in my robe.
I won't.
I wish I were in mine.
Cassandra, what a surprise.
- I brought you some pastries.
- Isn't that thoughtful of you? - Here we are.
- Hi, Martin, Dixie.
Cassandra! It's You know, I'd love it if you could stay.
I've got to go pick up my brother for squash.
- Morning, all.
- Well, isn't that a timesaver.
You know, I've still gotta go get dressed anyway.
And I'll just see you back at the station.
- Okay.
All right.
Have a good game.
- All right.
Bye.
Oh, you know, I'll just use the powder room before I go.
Yeah.
This is a disaster! - What is? - Hi, Niles.
Oh, I'm up to speed.
- Morning.
- Well, I guess I'll just be - What? - We just noticed: There's a nest of baby hummingbirds on the balcony, and we're just keeping our voices down.
You run along.
Hummingbirds made it to the 19th floor? Yes, well, they're Himalayan mountain hummers.
- They're very rare.
Bye-bye.
- Okay.
I'll see you later.
- What are you doing? - I was just standing guard.
You know, the door is The lock's broken on it.
Sometimes Dad just wanders in, you know.
Well, I know you've got your game.
- I'll just get out of your hair.
- Right.
- Goodbye, everyone.
- Bye.
Aren't I gonna get a hug first? Come on.
Oh, of course.
Are you all right? Oh, yes.
It's just, you're so hard to say goodbye to.
Well, time's a-wasting.
Off you go.
- Bye-bye.
- All right.
Got any more hiding in the grotto, Hef? Oh, for God's sakes.
Oh, I'm just not up to this sort of thing.
What made me think I could juggle? I sure as hell don't know.
You couldn't catch a balloon till you were 10.
Yes, thank you, Dad.
My problem is that each of them appeals to different sides of my personality.
Faye is artistic and cerebral and cultured.
And Cassandra is passionate and fun and spontaneous.
Well, my vote sure goes for Cassandra.
Oh, you would say that.
Any young woman who shows you any attention, you're ready to sign over your pension cheque.
- I think he should go for Faye.
- Oh, Faye, Faye.
If he wants some boring, artsy-fartsy conversation he's got Niles.
Yes, well, my point is I am really torn here.
I feel as if I honestly cannot choose.
I think I might be able to help you with this.
Heads, it's Faye.
Tails, Cassandra.
Oh, this is the sort of thing that makes a woman feel really special.
You're gonna flip a coin? The decision cannot be made that simply.
It's not gonna be that simple.
The chances of Niles catching that quarter - are about the same as you - Enough, Dad! Just go with me on this, Frasier.
Heads, it's Faye.
Tails, Cassandra.
And the winner is Admit it.
You want me to say one name more than the other.
Niles, you're right, I do.
Cassandra.
Yes! - There you have it.
- Thank you.
Thank you, Niles.
Well, what a relief.
You know, my life was perfectly happy before Faye came back, you know.
Yes, it's Cassandra.
She's the one.
Next time I see Faye, I'll just have to tell her it's over.
Oh, gosh, Niles, I'm sorry.
I'm afraid we've lost our court again.
Do you mind rescheduling just once more? - All right, that's fine.
- I gotta hand it to you, Frasier.
You had a tough decision to make but you made it.
Heck, I can't even decide whether to have the strawberry or the grape jelly.
Dad, I still have my trusty quarter.
Let's say heads, grape.
Tails, strawberry.
Niles, Niles! Are you all right? You gotta wonder what goes on on that squash court.
You know what I could go for this morning? A big old Spanish omelette.
Here's your bran flakes.
What's that? Your yellow bowl broke in the dishwasher.
- Well, don't you have another one? - Afraid not.
Well, red, yellow, what difference does it make? - Oh, excuse me.
- Sorry.
Oh, hot.
You know, I don't like this red bowl.
It's throwing everything off.
You know, I think we do have another yellow bowl.
Why don't you go and sit down, and I'll fetch it for you? Okay.
Back off.
I need this.
Oh, good morning, Dad.
Everything go all right with Faye last night? She didn't take the breakup too hard, did she? - Not really.
- Well, I'm sure she realises, pretty as she is, that she won't be alone for long.
Good morning, Martin.
What'd I tell you? Hi, how you doing? I'll get this.
I had an incredible time last night.
Me too.
Morning, all.
Oh, forget it.
- Niles.
- Frasier.
I'm glad you're here.
Listen, I am so sorry about this morning.
Oh, not at all.
I ended up playing an exhilarating game with Chip Emory.
Won two out of three sets.
And if you recall, Chip was club champion four years running.
Yes, and I also recall that that record comes with an asterisk.
I believe his streak was interrupted by World War II.
It was Korea, and you know it.
Can I have my usual, please? Why was Faye at your apartment this morning? Well, actually, I almost made a terrible mistake.
Last night, I was prepared to break things off with her, then we fell into this marvellous conversation about architecture.
And as it turns out, she detests the design of the Bilbao Art Museum as much as I do.
- And you almost let her go.
- Yes, exactly.
And, well, you know, Cassandra's a wonderful woman, but Well, Faye and I have a deeper connection and to be fair, actually, she was the first to plant her flag on "terra Frasier.
" I'm starting to think Napoleon had a Frasier complex.
Yes, all right.
Oh, there's Cassandra.
I asked her here for coffee.
I was gonna tell her - that we can't see each other.
- Good luck.
Thank you.
Thank you, Niles.
- Cassandra? - Hi, honey.
Hi.
Double espresso, please.
- I have great news.
- Really? Those new promos are working wonders.
I just got the numbers, and you're scoring with women between the ages of 25 and 49.
Well, that's not always a good thing.
You all right? Actually, I wanted to talk to you about our relationship.
- You see, l - I know where we're going.
A serious talk.
You see, there comes a time in every relationship - when you have to decide - I know.
Whether we're going to be exclusive or not.
I've been wanting to talk to you about that too.
- You have? - Yes, you see I thought you should know that I've been seeing someone else.
Really? Does that bother you? No.
No, no, no, actually, not at all.
Oh, good.
Anyway, what I wanted to say was that Well, how long you been seeing this other fellow? Not very long.
You're not upset, are you? No, no, no.
Actually, I was about to say Well, what does he do? He owns his own venture-capital firm.
Although he spends most of his time racing sailboats and rebuilding trails for the Sierra Club.
Oh, really? Seems a little unfocused, doesn't he? - You are upset, aren't you? - No, no, no.
Really, there's no reason to be jealous of Sloane.
Believe me, I am not jealous of Sloane.
If anything, I pity the man who has to go through life with a pretentious name like that.
- Frasier.
- All right, fine, fine.
You know what, let's just drop the whole thing, all right? Okay.
Now, about those new promos - Cassandra, I want us to be exclusive.
- What? Yes, well, I'm the kind of person who can make a decision and commit to it.
And I was hoping that you might be that sort of person too.
Oh, Frasier, I'm so touched.
If you only want us to be with each other, that's great.
I was supposed to see Sloane tonight, but I'm gonna call him and cancel.
Oh, that's wonderful.
Oh, my God.
That means we can spend the night together.
Looks like she took the news well.
Are you insane? Niles, I almost made a terrible mistake.
What could have happened in the last four minutes to make you change your mind? When Cassandra told me that she was seeing somebody else, it awakened something in me.
- Oh, petty jealousy? - No.
The realisation that I couldn't bear to lose her.
The minute you see Faye, you'll reverse again.
No.
No, I won't.
I'll prove it to you.
Cassandra is the one.
I'm sure of it.
Her machine.
Yes, Faye, it's Frasier.
Listen, I won't be able to join you for dinner tonight.
But perhaps you could call me later.
We need to talk.
There, I've done it.
Nothing says it's over between us quite like the phrase: "We need to talk.
" That was my problem, actually.
I kept leaving the door open.
- I'm very proud of you.
- Thank you, Niles.
An enlightened man is he who can learn from his mistakes.
Squash tomorrow morning? - 9 a.
m.
, my place? - See you there.
Well, I called him.
I probably should feel guilty.
I'm just so glad it's just the two of us now.
I'm ecstatic.
I know a cute little bed-and-breakfast we can go to this weekend.
Oh, really? Thank you.
What a relief this is.
I've made my choice.
Look at her.
I've found an angel.
An angel who wears an awful lot of makeup.
I've never noticed that before.
Faye doesn't paint her face up like that.
And they have the cutest little four-poster beds in each room.
That sounds lovely.
My, she uses the word "cute" a lot.
I'm cute.
This cafe is cute.
Now the bed is cute.
Faye used the word "jejune" last night.
Oh, you know, I meant to tell you.
I really liked how you handled that nasty caller yesterday.
It was such a clever way God, all she talks about is work, work, work.
And now I'll see her every morning before work, and at work, and after work.
I feel trapped.
I can't breathe.
Wait, what are you doing? It's just your fear talking.
She's a wonderful woman.
She's the one.
She's perfect.
And then I ran into Roz after the show, and she told me the cutest little story Cassandra, we need to talk.
- Frasier? - Faye, hi.
- We really need to talk.
- I know, I got your message.
- I thought you couldn't see me tonight.
- Well, I had some unfinished business with the Promotions Department, but that's all done now.
I wish you would've called.
I would've put something on.
No, no, you look beautiful.
Listen, Faye, I want us to be exclusive.
What? Yes, I wanna take our relationship to the next level.
I just wanna be with you.
I'm a little surprised.
You said, "We need to talk" on the machine, and, you know, that usually means it's over.
Really? I had no idea.
Well, this is wonderful.
Oh, my God.
Oh, God, so it's just you and me.
God, this is exhilarating.
Oh, this is turning out to be the best day ever.
Because Well, okay, Chris McKenna, the restaurant critic, he comes over to the restaurant this morning What is she thinking with that ridiculous shirt? Tie-dye? Stop it, Frasier.
You can't do this to yourself.
This is nothing more than the natural panic of finally making your choice.
- That the printer had messed up and the menu said "flab" instead of "flan.
" That is so precious.
And so is she.
Precious.
My Faye.
Faye as in favourite.
This feels so much better now that I've relaxed.
I was about to doom this whole relationship with my neurotic nitpicking.
But it's clear sailing now.
Well, enough about me.
How was your day? Well, it certainly ended well.
Although, you know, something funny did happen at the station.
It was during the second hour of my show.
My God, he really does love to talk about himself.
Is that another new pair of shoes? He's got more shoes than I do.
- Didn't really work out, but