Home Improvement s07e02 Episode Script

Still peeling potatoes? Potato.
Takes longer to peel these things than it does to grow them.
Wow.
I'm surprised you haven't developed the Power Peeler.
Hey.
Hi.
- Hi.
- Great news.
I got accepted in a special program at school.
I'm gonna be counseling families.
Well, congratulations, Jill.
I am so excited.
I get to implement some of these techniques I've been studying.
If you get stuck, try my counseling technique.
"People, people, get over it!" Tim, as helpful as that is, I think kindness is a more effective approach.
- Mom, there's no food.
- I use compassion and sensitivity - to nurture people, like a flower.
- Mom, Mom! - What? - When are you gonna go to the store? I'll go when I'm good and ready to go! If you don't like the food in the house, go to the store yourself or starve! Now, that flower you were talking about Did you say "nurture" or "torture"? We're having potatoes again tonight? Yes.
This electric potato peeler will take all the hassle out of peeling potatoes.
I got it.
Hey, what's up, Ronny? Hey, Mark, wait.
Why don't you introduce us to your friend? Fine.
Ronny, that's my mom.
That's my dad.
- Hi.
- Hey, Ronny.
'Sup? Was that a? Was that a boy wearing a dog collar or a dog with a boy's head? Well, I finally got my next topic for the school paper.
I'm gonna write about what local companies are doing for the environment.
- That's a fantastic idea.
- Why don't you write about Binford? They've got programs.
Recycling, water conservation They even tried to get your dad to carpool with Al.
You can only love your planet so much, honey.
Writing about Binford sounds like a good idea.
I'll get you some pamphlets on their environmental policy.
Probably cleared a rain forest just to print them.
You know, Randy, I was a social activist in high school.
I was involved in the feminist movement.
Went to rallies where hundreds of women burned their bras.
I cheered those women on.
Well, Dad, you always have been known for your great social conscience.
In high school I spent eight months trying to save an endangered species.
- Really? Which one? - The muscle car.
Hello, Mr.
and Mrs.
Hansen.
I'm Jill Taylor, your counseling intern.
Nice to meet you.
Well.
Before we begin, I'd like to talk a little bit about my methodology.
I am an avid proponent of emotionally-focused couples therapy, which is founded on the belief that couples hide their primary emotions and instead exhibit secondary emotions, which result in negative interactions, such as pursue-slash-distance, or blame-slash-withdraw.
Serving as a defense against the more vulnerable primary emotions.
Any questions? Are you the only therapist or can we get someone else? - Hi.
- Hi.
Potatoes again.
- You bet.
- What have you done to my peeler? What was once electric is now pneumatic.
I can shear 50 pounds of potatoes in six seconds.
You must be so proud.
I have my days.
How did your first day of counseling go? Don't ask.
This couple did not get that secondary reactive emotions lead to negative interaction.
Wow.
Some people are so thick.
Dad, I was just doing some research on Binford for my article.
- Did you read the pamphlets I gave you? - Then I got on the Internet and got Pollution Watcher's top ten list for Detroit.
Binford's on here.
Binford made the top ten? All right! No, Dad, it's a list of the top ten biggest polluters.
Binford? I didn't know Binford had a problem with pollution.
They don't have a problem! These environmentalists tend to overreact.
You know, just like the dentist.
Those wussy dentists that scurry out of the room when the x-ray goes on.
Dad, it's right on the printout.
You know, just because you read it on the Internet does not make it true.
You want to find the facts? I'll set up an interview with Bud Harper.
You think the president of Binford's gonna want to meet with a kid? Maybe I'll remind him the kid's father is Binford's biggest TV star.
Who just spent a whole week inventing the world's stupidest potato peeler.
Get back to me with those third quarter projections, OK? Yeah.
OK, bye.
- Hey, Bud.
- Hey, Tim, how's it going? - Pretty good.
Yourself? - Great.
- You know my son, Randy.
- Of course, I do.
How could I forget the little guy? You still on the soccer team, huh? Uh, no, that's my older brother, Brad.
Oh, oh, oh, you're the karate kid.
No, that's Mark.
Oh.
Well, what do you do? I'm a journalist and I have some tough questions for you.
You better come clean, Bud, or your name will be mud - in the Lakeside High Reporter.
- Oooh.
We can't have that, huh? - Can we start now? - Well, sure.
Sure, I'll be happy to answer any questions, young man.
Have a seat.
Well, Mr.
Harper, according to my sources According to his sources! According to my sources, your company has a poor pollution record.
How do you respond? Son, Binford is a responsible corporate citizen.
We are committed to protecting our environment.
Then why does Pollution Watch call Binford, and I quote, "an egregious environmental offender"? Why aren't you doing anything to reduce emissions from your plants? He's quite the little Dickens, isn't he? Yes, he is.
But what the little Dickens doesn't know is, we're in the planning stages of a new emission reduction system.
But even at our present rate, all Binford plants fully comply with government regulations.
There you have it, from the horse's mouth.
No offense.
None taken.
Tim, how's your golf game? Pretty good.
Broke 90.
- Yeah? - I got two golf can'ts.
Well, isn't it true that Binford buys pollution credits from other companies? - Yes, it is.
- What are pollution credits? Each company in an industrial zone is allotted a certain amount of emissions.
If one company doesn't use their entire share, they can sell pollution credits to another company.
- A good example of corporate teamwork.
- It's corporate bull.
Binford's found a loophole to pollute more than it should.
- Don't you think that's sleazy? - Wait.
What we're doing is legal.
We won't need the credits once our emission control system is in place.
- How long's that gonna take? - Roughly ten years.
- Ten years? That's a joke.
- Hey, let's not be rude here.
Wait, Tim.
He doesn't understand how business works.
You see, rushing a plan like this could affect jobs, and Binford's financial well-being.
What about the well-being of the environment? Without clean air to breathe, you don't have customers to buy tools.
Besides, do people really need People do! Mr.
Harper, I was always taught to believe that Binford was a company that cared.
It seems all you care about is making money no matter who you hurt.
I think this interview's over.
Thank you very much for your time, Bud.
- Come on, come on! - Dad! You were completely out of line! Binford's out of line, sweeping their pollution problem under the rug, - so they can maximize profits.
- Quiet down, all right? When you get older you'll understand not everything is so cut and dry.
I understand right now, Dad.
You're taking the company line.
You're a sell-out.
- You called me a sell-out? - I called you a sell-out.
Then again, to be a sell-out, you'd have to have principles to begin with.
Hey! I not only have principles, I'm your ride home.
I'll take public transportation.
Hey, don't use your fancy words with me.
It's called a bus! I'm going out.
OK, have fun.
I'll get it.
Ronny left his dog collar upstairs.
Oh.
Wouldrt want to go anywhere without that dog collar.
They could throw you in the pound.
So, Ronny, what's been going on? Stuff.
You know, Ronny, I know it's difficult for adolescents to be forthcoming with unfamiliar authority figures.
It's understandable.
Teenage years are a particularly alienating time, you know, developmentally speaking.
I am the kind of person who's interested in young people and willing to listen, in a non-judgmental, unthreatening manner.
Later.
What did I say? Stuff.
Later.
- What's wrong? - Stuff.
Randy completely embarrassed me in Bud's office.
He called me a sell-out.
That doesn't sound like Randy.
He's always so sweet and polite.
That's over.
We'd be better off with Dog-boy.
Hey, how was your bus ride? Mom, I'm going to write my article.
Not until you get the facts straight! So, now you're telling me what I can and can't write? You're acting like some tyrannical fascist.
Did he just call me a dinosaur? Where does he get off, writing about Binford? - It was your idea.
- Oh, throw that in my face.
Randy is young and idealistic.
He's gonna get carried away with things that are important to him.
What if this is just the beginning? What if he tells us we can't wear leather or eat meat? Or he starts falling in love with dolphins and he says we've got to throw out all our tuna? I'll only say this once.
I love my kids.
But I will never, ever give up my tuna.
Later.
Welcome back to Tool Time and our entertaining look at fiberglass and its resin.
While we're waiting for our resin to dry, why don't we go to our question and answer section? All right, who has a question? - Yes, sir? - Has your swimsuit calendar come out? It just went on sale in the Tool Time gift shop.
Can we wait till after the show, fellas? - Aw! - Yes? I just put up a fence.
What's the best way to keep the wood from rotting? Well, you want to use a sealant that contains copper-8-quinolinolate.
Easy to use, fun to say.
- Next question.
- I do.
- Yes? - I'm re-doing my kitchen countertops.
Can I lay the new laminate right over the old? You can, as long as you prepare the surface and the countertop is flat.
Or if it has a square backsplash, just like Al.
- Anyone else? - I have another question.
What do you say about Binford being one of the worst polluters in Detroit? - Where did you hear that? - My kid brought home an article - from the school paper.
- I can assure you that Binford Tools is an environmentally responsible corporation.
- Next question.
- Come clean, you bearded phony.
Bearded phony? Wexlo Industries, which is located just downriver from Binford, didn't have to buy pollution credits.
They reduced their emissions and didn't cut one single job.
- I just don't have the facts.
- Then, read the article.
The facts are all right here, in the Lakeside High Reporter.
This is where you're getting your information, a high school newspaper? It's time to get back to our project.
- How about answering the man? - Yeah! Yeah! How come every time I drive by the plant all that smoke is coming out of the stacks? They're smokestacks! What do you expect coming out of there? Whipped cream? What do you want, huh? - I think they're both in on it.
- Absolutely! Yeah! - This is a witch hunt.
- We want the truth! - And we want it now! - Yeah! You are out of order.
And you are out of order! This whole audience is out of order! You're nothir but a big flannel fraud! Yeah! We'll be right back after these messages from Binford Tools.
All right, that's it! Show's over! Everybody get out! Wilson.
Wilson Wilson! What are you doing? Well, I was in a state of transcendental bliss.
I'd like you to return to the state of Michigan, if you could.
I want to talk about this article in the Lakeside High Reporter.
I haven't read it yet.
I'm still working on the New York Times and Calcutta Courier.
I don't get to the high school papers until midnight.
Randy wrote an article in there exposing Binford's poor environmental record.
I'm real angry about it.
Are you angry because Randy wrote the article or because of Binford's poor record? Both.
Not to mention the fact that he called me a sell-out.
The information caused a riot on Tool Time.
- I don't know what to believe.
- Mm-hmm.
I'm reminded of something the Polish linguist Alfred Korzybski once said.
"Why can't my name be Johnson?" Korzybski said, "There are two ways to slide easily through life: To believe everything or to doubt everything".
Both ways save you from thinking.
Randy was thinking, I'll give him that.
He sure was passionate.
But the way he presented it was obnoxious.
Tim, when you were Randy's age didn't you have some burning cause that you were passionate about? Auto shop.
They tried to eliminate it from my school and I fought to keep it there.
Everybody thought I was crazy.
I just fought harder.
Did it cause you to act in an obnoxious way? Uh-uh.
Not unless you consider hot gluing the principal's door shut obnoxious.
Especially if the principal was inside the office.
And he was.
See, now, Randy would love to hear that story.
No, I don't talk to him about shop.
He doesn't get into that sort of thing.
But he does get into passionate things.
Oh, yeah, he does.
Gets that from his old man.
Maybe he would like that story.
Maybe he would.
Thanks, Wilson.
You can go back to your "transcen-dental floss" thing.
Hi, Randy.
Hi, Dad.
Wait a minute.
I want to tell you a story.
- About what? - A young boy and his goat.
That's more than I want to know.
No, wait.
The goat I'm talking about is a Pontiac GTO that I rebuilt in high school.
I couldn't have rebuilt it without a shop class.
I wouldn't have had a shop class unless I was willing to fight for it.
That was the endangered species you saved? Well, it was almost extinct.
But I felt passionately that kids should have a place to work with their hands.
The school didn't want that? It was a budget thing.
But they werert gonna touch the music department.
I didn't relate to bass bassoons and oboes.
I went to the principal and said, "This will be handy.
Get a flat tire, can't use a jack, maybe you can pump the car with a glockenspiel".
- Bit over the top, Dad.
- Exactly, it was over the top.
The way I put it, a lot of people thought I just wanted to destroy the music department.
All I really wanted to do was save the shop class.
My passion got in the way of my vision.
Dad, I never wanted to destroy Binford.
I know, but it came off like that.
I just got a little too intense.
You were like Jimmy Olsers evil twin.
And I definitely crossed a line calling you a sell-out.
Thanks.
Maybe next time you meet with Binford, it'll go better.
Next time? Look, if Binford's acted irresponsibly, Bud is the one to talk to.
And no matter, you're a reporter.
You've got to tell the truth.
Right.
So, you're totally cool with me writing a new article? Yes.
I'm not getting in the way of your Fourth Amendment rights.
That's good, 'cause nothing sticks in my craw like illegal search and seizure.
Hello.
I'm Jill Taylor.
I'm your counseling intern.
Would you like to sit down? I've been looking over your case file and I see that you're having trouble communicating with your son? Where is he? You know, I think I'll be referring your case to another counselor.
'Sup? Later.
I am an avid proponent of emotionally focused You've got to say,"Binford has an environmental problem?" I thought you said that after.
Oh, OK.
Get Pat some cheese! OK! That'll help.
This helps.
Hold on a minute.
The goat I'm talking to is a Pontiac GT