Home Improvement s07e03 Episode Script

Welcome to day two of a very special Tool Time.
We're live from Al's apartment.
Now, here's the star of the show, Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
Thank you.
Welcome to our second day, in Al's apartment, lovely isn't it? I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor, of course you all know my assistant, Al Borland.
- Al? - What? - We're on the air, Al.
- What?! You could've given me some warning.
Where would the fun be in that? This week we've been showing you how to turn the dead space in your house into living space.
Today's challenge is how to turn the dead space between Al's ears into a nice bric-a-brac room.
The dead space between your ears could fill the Mall of America.
Today, we'll be installing a sliding pocket door in Al's bathroom.
First, let me show you what we did yesterday.
We used this space in the wall to put in a spice rack.
- Al.
- Right.
Then we converted this space that used to be my closet, into a guest bedroom.
- Remote control.
- Tim.
Next, we'll try to convert some poor sap into Al's first house guest.
And then we'll convert that stuff on your face into an actual beard.
Gee, Al, not everyone can grow a beard as fast as your mom.
Now the pièce de résistance.
In the spare room above the header in the kitchen, we have a home entertainment system.
With this set up, my guests can now watch TV in bed.
- Not with that remote, though, Al.
- Whoa! Hey! I don't go in for that sort of thing! Mom, can you sew these buttons on my shirt? Eww, they're little skulls.
Yeah.
How fast can you do it? Well, I'm kinda busy, but I assure you that sewing demonic symbols on my sors clothing will be right at the top of my list.
- Hey, Mom.
- Hi.
What are you doing with my thesaurus? I've been looking for this all day! I borrowed it for a report I'm doing, The Selfish Middle Class.
Randy.
Randy, this is my work station.
You can't just come and grab anything you want.
Hey, it is not my fault.
I'm a product of the selfish middle class.
What're you doing? I'm at the dining room table, I'm dining.
Well, now it's sort of my office, so, would you dine somewhere else? Alright.
- Oh, my God! My paper! - I'm sorry.
I'll clean it.
Or I could dine in my room.
I think that's a good idea.
Good idea.
- Hi, honey.
- Tim? I'm having a really bad day.
Nice talking to you.
Tim I want you to build me something.
I've been trying to work on this paper all day.
I can't get a moment's peace here.
I just need a quiet private place where I can get things done.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
You want something built, and you want me to build it? - Yeah.
- Yes! - I want an office.
- Office A place to close the door and get away from everybody.
- Get away.
- Yeah.
I was thinking that you could convert the - Attic! - Right! Hey.
Oh, oh! I've dreamed about this day since the moment I met you.
We didn't have an attic the day we met.
Which makes the dream all that more significant.
- You're not toying with me, are you? - No.
On one condition.
You keep it simple.
You want simple you got your man.
- See ya, Tim.
- Wait.
I got this from the attic, remember this? I wore it to a wedding, but I can't remember whose.
Yeah, it was our wedding.
Bye.
Wait.
There's just a few more things I gotta ask you.
Hold on.
Just a few decisions.
Paint or wallpaper? Paint.
I gotta go to therapy, honey.
- Flat, semi-gloss, or matte? - Uh, surprise me.
- Carpet or wood floor? - Carpeting.
OK, plush, saxony or berber? - I don't care! - Wait, take a paint sample with you.
Ow! Sorry! I understand you are a student at the university.
Yes, I am, uh taking therapy is a, a part of my master's requirement.
- Aha.
- I don't have much to talk about.
Oh, that's OK.
Why don't you just tell me a little about yourself.
Oh, oh, OK.
Um well, I just hit 40, and I'm trying to jumpstart a new career, and I don't know which I'll get first, my diploma or menopause.
I have three sons, each of whom is the center of his own universe.
Brad is driving, which worries me, Randy questions everything we stand for, and Mark he's the youngest one, wears only black and is possibly worshipping the devil.
- Well, Jill - No, no, there's more, there's more.
You see, I am completely overwhelmed.
My father died six months ago, I'm helping my mother long distance which is not working.
I'm running a house, going to school and leading my own counseling groups, I'm having some people over for dinner and I have no idea what to make them.
She likes fish, he likes chicken.
When I cook it all tastes the same.
You know, maybe I take on too much because I don't know why I'm having people over in the middle of the week.
Well, Jill, it seems to me that there's, uh more.
Yeah, well this is only about ten percent of my problems.
The other 90 percent I'm married, too.
You see, my husband, he's going through this sort of midlife crisis thing, "Who am I? Where am I? Should I grow a beard? Should I buy a hunting lodge?" And then, today Brad spilled a soda on my paper, Mark's asking for skulls, and before I knew it, I was asking my husband to start construction on an office.
What's wrong with your husband building you an office? I'm married to Tim Taylor.
Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor? Yeah, and maybe you'd better switch to a tape recorder here.
I hope I have enough batteries.
You are so beautiful.
I mean, I I get excited every time I see you.
You feel so good.
Would, uh, you and your drywall like some time alone? I hope one day you find something that makes you as happy as this makes me.
Yeah, me, too.
I just hope mine has a head and breathes.
Now, think about it, son.
Look at this.
You have a dirty attic, disgusting, dusty and a dream.
You fulfill your dream with the sweat of your brow and your hands.
Huh? I'll, uh, stick with girls.
It's like talkin to a wall.
Hi.
I'm sorry I'm late, therapy ran over.
Um, we need to talk about the construction.
Hey, I always got time for that.
Picked up all the materials down at Harry Hardware.
They all tell me I've got the remodeling glow.
Um, Tim, I've given it some serious thought - OK.
and I really don't want the office.
Preconstruction jitters.
- Everyone gets them.
- No, no, no, no, no.
- Life is chaotic lately - Yeah.
One of the things I just learned in therapy is that I need to simplify.
You see I take on way too much as a way of not dealing with my feelings, and this office is gonna be just way too much.
You asked me to do it.
Why would you ask me to do it, unless you really wanted me to? Because for a brief, fleeting instant, I thought it was a good idea, but then you bombarded me with decorating decisions and blueprints Ok, whoa, forget that.
I'll make the decisions, it's over.
No, no, no.
Tim.
Tim, I have problems with this office on a deeper level.
Ahh, sub-flooring, huh? No.
No, no.
I, I really don't want to be so isolated from everybody and when I get my office someday, I need it to be a place where patients can come, and people can't traipse through the house.
Problem solved.
I'll build a stairway on the outside of the house up to the No, Tim, you're not listening to me.
I don't want a staircase on the outside, I don't want an office in the attic.
What are you saying? I don't want an office in the attic! Sheesh.
I'm getting the idea you don't want me to build this thing.
- And I asked you not to toy with me.
- Yeah.
I begged you not to toy with me, and yet, you toyed.
I know.
I made a mistake.
A mistake I'm very sorry for and will obviously never hear the end of.
But, Patty and Doug are coming over for dinner and I need your help.
I can't be around people after I've been fired off a job.
Tim, you're my husband, not my contractor.
For a brief, fleeting moment, I was both.
- You're ridiculous.
- You're ridiculous! Your life's chaotic, you want to simplify it? Stop having stupid dinner parties.
This is the first one in six months.
I haven't had time because of school.
You want to streamline? Quit school! - So you can build the office? - Yes! If I quit school, I don't need one.
Don't use all that fancy psychological stuff with me.
- I have to make dinner.
- You have to make dinner? Where do I put this stuff I just bought? I can think of a real good place.
This fish is really good.
it's not too fishy.
That's cause it's chicken, Doug.
Well, it's delicious.
it's not too chickeny.
Well, Jill, you didn't tell me, how was your first therapy session? Fine.
Potatoes? Well, how did you like Dr.
Breen? Was he insightful? He certainly incited a number of things around here, I'll tell you.
Yeah? I've been picking up some tension.
Everything alright? I don't think that's our business.
Why don't we change the subject? Gotcha.
So, Jill, I hear Tim's building you a great office up in the attic.
Lima beans? Well, she asked me to build her an office, I did all the plans, bought the materials, then she changed her mind.
Tim, we don't really have to discuss this in front of our guests.
Why not? You ashamed of your behavior? Afraid people might judge you? Say, is that a beard you're growing? Yes, it is, Doug.
I promised pookie over there that I'd shave it off, but my life has become so chaotic, I I might change my mind.
You're really not gonna let this go, are you? You were really willing to let my drywall go, werert you? You are so unbelievable.
All you talk about is stupid drywall.
- That's how she talks about drywall.
- You're so self-absorbed.
I'm self-absorbed, Miss I-Pay-A-Guy- To-Hear-Me-Talk-About-Myself? Tim, I don't have the time or the energy for this.
If it's so important, build the damn office.
You'd like that? I won't give you the satisfaction.
So, how's Mark doing in Spanish? Well, your needs are obviously so much more important than mine, if it makes you feel better, do it.
I wouldn't pick up a hammer if you got down and begged me.
I love construction, but the Tool Man draws a line at a mercy build.
I give up! - You know this chicken could be pork.
- Mm-hm.
He slept down here all night? Half the night.
The other half he and Mom were yelling at each other.
She catch him making out with the drywall? She told him he couldn't build the office in the attic.
My God, is he still breathing? Yeah, but what's the point? His soul's been stripped away.
But his beard sure is coming in nice.
Looks like he's got another one growing in his ears.
- Hi, Wilson.
- Well, hi-ho, neighbor.
So, how's Jill's office coming? Come and gone.
She backed out right after she saw her shrink.
Whoa.
So you were destroyed by Freud.
- I guess you could say that.
Yeah.
- Hung by Jung.
- Yeah.
- Brought to a halt by Gestalt.
Could we? I'm hurting here.
This meant a lot to me, I put a lot of hours in, started to miter stuff up.
Next, we're in a fight I'm sleeping on the couch.
Well, it seems to me since the office was for Jill, it's her prerogative if she wants to change her mind.
Yada, yada, yada.
When I'm building stuff, I lose myself in the job, you know? This was very important to me.
Mm-hm.
Mm-hm.
Mm-hm.
Mm-hm.
- I being selfish.
- No, no, no.
I'm thinking that you remind me of one of my great heroes - Yeah? Jefferson.
- He was one of my heroes.
- Oh? When that guy started, he had one dry cleaner.
Next thing he was moving on up.
- I'm confused.
- George Jefferson.
His wife's name was Weezie.
No, no, no, Tim.
I'm talking about Thomas Jefferson.
You know, he was a man that needed to work with his hands.
When he was home at Monticello, he'd lose himself building his house, tending his garden, and it was while doing these simple hands-on tasks, that Jefferson saw his life more clearly.
Hey, wow.
- I am like Jefferson.
- Mm-hm.
When I'm swinging the hammer, that's when I see and think the clearest.
That's probably why building Jill's office was so important to you.
I never really thought of it that way.
- Thanks, Wilson.
- Mm-hm.
Tim, you growing a beard? - What do you think? - Well, I'm not sure.
I could never understand why a man would want to hide his face.
- Are you almost done? - Oh, yeah.
You're gonna have the snazziest-looking skulls in the seventh grade.
They're not supposed to be snazzy.
I was being facetious.
I think they're hideous and completely twisted.
Alright.
Honey, honey, honey.
I figured something out you should know.
- And what would that be? - I am like Jefferson.
Tom, not George.
- I'll need more.
- OK.
I wanted to build the office space for you.
Yeah But, in many ways, I was building it for myself.
You know how at therapy, you worked out how you were feeling? - Yeah.
- OK.
Well building things is like that for me.
When I work with tools I get a chance to think things out, - sort through stuff.
- What kind of stuff? Stuff we're going through, maybe, or, like, the kids.
Do you remember when, um I, I blew up that water heater? - The first or the second time? - It would be the second time.
- Oh.
Well, I, uh, I realized then that I wasrt as happy as I thought I'd be about Brad getting his license.
- I thought you were thrilled.
- I was at first.
When he got it, he was driving, he was never home.
- I never saw him.
- I didn't know you felt that way.
Wow.
OK.
So you're saying that whenever you build something, or, uh, blow it up, it comes with an equally valuable insight.
Valuable on many levels.
The first time I blew up that water heater I realized that I could do this.
Well Tim, I'm really glad you shared that with me.
You know, just because my life is chaotic and confusing right now, you shouldn't have to suffer.
Would you please write that down? I've been thinking you know how you've wanted to redo the garage? I think you should do that.
Are you toying with me? I can only take so much of this toying.
I'm not toying with you.
It'd be perfect because it's building for yourself.
- Alright.
- Then someday, when things calm down, I'll let you build me the office of your dreams.
The glow is starting to come back.
It'd be a lot easier to see if you'd shave.
It's, it's softer now than it was a couple days ago.
- Let me feel.
- Hmm? It's softer.
- I hate when we fight.
- Oh, me, too.
It's not just 'cause the couch is lumpy, either.
I couldn't stand it last night when I rolled over and you werert there.
It could've been worse.
I rolled over here and I landed on the nutcracker.
That baby lives up to it's name, I'll tell you that.
Tim, you promised me you'd help with dinner.
Just finished shaving, honey.
You did? It took longer than I thought.
I'm kidding.
Problem solved.
I'll put an outside staircase in for you.
No.
No, no.
Tim, you're not listening.
I don't want an outside staircase.
I don't want an attic in the office.
I Yeah.
Let's get back again.
I don't believe this.
See, I stopped it.
- That was going so well.
- I can't take these baboons laughing.