Home Improvement s07e07 Episode Script

Welcome to Tool Time on location.
All this week we're gonna show you how to remodel and organize your garage.
And as you can see, this garage is crammed full of every object imaginable.
There's one object missing.
It's called an automobile.
Right.
The owner of this garage has a classic Studebaker.
But because it's so crowded in here, he's got no place to put it.
First you want to get rid of the big objects, like this totem pole.
No, no, no! I could never part with my pole! This is my neighbor, Wilson.
It's his garage we're trying to organize.
Oh, my old bagpipes.
To clean out your garage, you have to part with stuff.
Right.
Let's get rid of this old bathtub.
No, no, no, no, no.
That's my special tub right there.
You know, in the Roaring Twenties, my father used this to make bathtub gin.
That would explain the duck without a liver and with a case of jaundice.
Why don't we dump this big lady? You do what you want with your mom.
We're trying to do a Tool Time show.
Now, hands off that statue, Al.
That is a family heirloom.
If that lady could only talk This Tool Time episode would take forever to do.
- How about dumping the tuba? - Yeah.
- No way! - How about the dog sled? - Don't be ridiculous.
- The cannon? Never! - How about something small? - No, no, no, no.
These are the gloves I wore in my exhibition bout with Sonny Liston.
- You were a boxer? - Yes, indeedy.
Back then I was known as Sugar Wilson Wilson.
To your corners, fellas.
Get your own punching bag.
This punching bag is mine.
Well, sometimes to clear out your garage, the first thing you have to get rid of is the owner.
Hi.
Welcome back to Tool Time and our special segment, "Organizing Your Garage.
" Al has installed the last of our cabinets.
As before, we used wood screws on the rails along the inside perimeter.
And as you can see, we built the lower cabinets extra large so they can fit even the most odd-shaped objects.
Like Al.
He fits.
You can barely even see him.
I can't get out of here.
But the best news is now we have room for the Studebaker.
Mm-hm.
- The cabinets are all finished now.
- That's right.
And it looks great.
Best of all, I think we did a good job of organizing Wilsors garage.
- What do you think? - Save for one minor detail.
Yeah.
Uh Uh, tune in tomorrow for another special Tool Time: "Organizing a Yard Sale.
" - Can I give you a hand? - No.
It's always getting stuck like this.
It's becoming part of my workout.
And-one-and-two, and-one-and-two.
- Oh! - Ah! - I am so sorry! - It's OK.
- Are you sure? - Oh, really.
After 50 reps on that quad machine, I have no feeling left in that leg.
- Oh! - Really, it's all right.
Oh, I can't believe I did that.
- Good game, guys! - Well, hi! - Hi.
- I didn't know you were gonna be here.
I had a meeting this morning that got pushed off.
A little b-ball seemed like a good idea.
- Who was the meeting with? - A guy named Pee Wee.
Ah.
From the prestigious firm, Pee Wee, Pee Wee, Pee Wee and Pee Wee.
No.
This guy Pee Wee's got this radio I want for the '46 rod.
- It's a one-of-a-kind.
It's NOS.
- NOS? What's that? It's called "New Old Stock.
" Its solenoid operates right from a '46 Ford.
- It's got five-station pre-set.
- SIA.
- What? - "Sorry I Asked.
" Oh, guess what? Patty got opera tickets.
We're gonna go see Carmen tonight.
Oh, no! Carmen, the opera.
Now, if they had an opera named Car Man, I'd be there.
Um, Mom called.
She said that family reuniors gonna be in January now.
I'm beginning to hate those reunions.
All these weird relatives picking at me.
Aunt Sally pinching my cheek.
"Give me a little lippy, lippy.
" - I gotta go.
See you later.
- See ya.
- How's that leg? - The leg's fine.
Did I overhear you say you're going to see Carmen? Oh, yeah.
I'm looking forward to it.
Oh, it is one of my favorite operas.
I'm Ian.
- Oh, Jill.
- You know, years ago, I heard Marilyn Horne sing Carmen at the Met.
- You heard Marilyn Horne? - Yes, I did.
- I love her.
- Oh, when she sang Habeñera.
- Oh, that must have been amazing! - It took my breath away.
That's it! - Do you like La Bohème? - Oh, I love La Bohème.
It is coming to town next week.
If you'd like to see it, I'd love to take you.
- Excuse me? - Oh, maybe we can have dinner first.
Um um, did you just ask me out on a, you know, like, a date? Well, I Yeah, I did.
I'm married.
Oh.
Well, you couldn't see that.
But there was just that guy that I was just talking to The one who hates your family? He's my husband.
Your husband? I thought he was your brother.
- You thought he was my brother? - Yeah.
What made you think he was my brother? Well, you know, I mean, you're going to the opera with Patty.
- And he's going to meet, uh, Pee Wee? - Yeah.
And, uh, you're looking forward to your mom's reunion and he's worried about getting a "lippy" from Aunt Sally.
I - God, I feel like such a jerk! - No, no.
If that's the way we came across, you know, like Donny and Marie, I can understand how you would've asked me out.
The answer's no.
I understand how you would've You really thought he was my brother.
- Look, I'm sorry.
- God! You two are wonderful.
If my husband sang with me that way, we'd still be together.
What is all that? It's all the stuff Wilsors giving away.
He gave me his boar.
Yeah.
We tried to give Wilson our bore, but Mark wouldn't stay.
Shut up.
I don't want you rummaging through stuff and bringing home all this junk.
Useless? There is nothing useless about a set of Ubangi nose flutes.
I don't know whether to say bravo or Gesundheit.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What have I told you a thousand times? I know.
No medieval combat in the house.
I got a question for you.
Where's a nice, quiet restaurant two people can go and just talk? I love Sorentino's.
That's a great idea.
That's where I'll take Pee Wee.
Pee Wee? If I want that radio, I'm gonna have to wine and dine that guy.
I see.
- Tim, we gotta talk.
- Mm-hm.
I would have talked last night when I got home.
You were pretending you're asleep so you wouldn't have to talk to me about the opera.
If you knew, why didn't you say something? If you go to that much trouble to tune me out, what's the point? You're right.
If the system works, why mess with it? Yesterday when we were at the Y, you remember a guy that was working out right next to me? No.
Well, he was, and, uh, he asked me out on a date.
Where are you guys going? I'm serious.
He asked me out because he didn't realize I was married.
- He thought that you were my brother.
- Where'd he get that idea? Because of the way we were relating.
We werert connecting.
This is a guy that heard us talking for five minutes? So what? I know.
But it got me thinking about the way we've been lately.
How have we been lately? Out of tune.
Cut off from each other.
I mean, yesterday we didn't even kiss hello or goodbye.
You were all sweaty.
- I feel like we're drifting apart.
- We're not drifting apart.
- You don't think so? - No.
Our relationship is like any couple that's been married this long.
It's comfortable.
It's It's like an old pair of shoes.
That's what our marriage has become to you? Worn-out footwear? Not worn-out.
Broken in.
Stretched out.
- This isn't helping, is it? - No.
Jill, I'm so glad you're here.
Look, I want to apologize again for yesterday.
I had no idea he was your husband.
Oh, well, based on what you saw, how could you have known? Well, I should've figured it out.
I'm just not used to this whole dating thing.
I told my kids I wasrt ready.
- Your kids? - Yeah.
I have four.
Their mother passed away six years ago.
I've been raising them myself.
- Wow, that must be so hard! - Well, it is in certain ways.
I've gotten to know my daughters better than most fathers.
- You have four girls? - You're looking at the only man on my block who can do a French braid.
Four heads in 58 minutes.
I can also hem a dress and cook and mend a broken heart.
Wow! Is there anything you can't do? - Yeah.
Get myself out on a date.
- Oh.
That's why when I saw you yesterday and our duet brought down the gym, - it just We seemed so perfect.
- Oh.
It's just been a long time since I've, uh, been attracted to somebody.
Well, uh, you know, I'm I'm very flattered, Ian.
You know, but, unfortunately, I'm still very married.
- Yeah.
- Did I say "unfortunately?" I didn't mean that.
What I meant was that, you know, like, under different circumstances, you know, if I didn't have a wonderful husband at home who I love and cherish and who loves and cherishes me, like a stretched-out old slipper You would've said yes.
Yes.
Then I'm not totally crazy.
You are attracted to me too? Well, wow, look at that.
This place is closing down.
We really should, uh, go.
Yeah, I guess we should.
Don't want to get locked in.
No.
Be stuck in here together all night.
No, don't want that.
Have you noticed that we're not going? I noticed.
What's the matter? - Oh, I had a dream.
- Oh.
Did you have a bad one? Not exactly.
What time is it? Mmm, it's 2:15.
I'm gonna read for awhile.
Oh, could you read downstairs? I gotta get up at 5:30.
Why do you have to get up at 5:30? I gotta take Pee Wee pheasant-hunting.
- You don't like hunting.
- Or pheasants.
But I like that radio.
I'm sorry.
I'll just go back to sleep.
If you have trouble sleeping, just do what I do.
- What? - Shut your eyes - and think about something you want.
- OK.
Something you're dying to get your hands on.
It was an unbelievable dream.
- From the moment this man, Ian - Oh.
walked in, we couldn't take our eyes off of each other.
- You could feel the heat.
- I'm feeling it now.
This is very embarrassing.
Not for me.
Don't leave out a single detail.
- We're alone.
The gym is empty.
- Uh-huh.
We keep saying that we're gonna leave, but nobody moves.
And then it happens.
We fall into each other's arms and and kiss.
Oh, wow! Oh, that is so hot.
- What do you think of my dream? - I wish it was mine! - No.
It's very scary.
- Why? I'm a married woman.
And I'm fantasizing about an intimate relationship with another man.
It's just a dream.
That's perfectly normal.
No, no.
It would be normal if there werert a real guy I was attracted to and there wasrt some other who look at me like I'm a pair of Florsheims.
OK, OK.
I Well, what are you saying? You're considering acting on these feelings? No.
No.
I'm committed to Tim.
I would never It's just - Yeah? - OK, so what? He says we're comfortable.
What's wrong with comfortable? A lot of couples don't get comfortable.
- Right.
- Right.
We both know that fireworks burn out.
- Comfortable lasts forever.
- What's wrong with that? - Everything! - Everything.
- Hi.
- Hi.
How was your dinner? Did you get the radio? No.
He was leading me on.
He does this to innocent car guys for free meals and pheasant ammo.
Men! I'm sorry.
I know how much that radio meant to you.
I can't believe how much money I've wasted! Yeah, but it's only money.
And you spent it because you love cars so much.
I can understand that.
Are you all right? Yeah, fine.
I, uh, rented us a video.
I thought we could watch it together.
Oh, no! Let me guess.
Terms of Endearment.
Spartacus! - That's my favorite movie.
- I know.
I thought I'd give it another chance.
Thought it might bring us closer together.
- I'm sitting right next to you.
- Tim.
Does this have anything to do with that guy at the gym that said I'd married my sister? What he said was that we seemed like brother and sister.
He's a con man, honey.
He convinces a woman that she's married to her brother.
Next thing you know, he's moved in, the husband's moved out into a furnished apartment eating celery soup in a can.
Honey, I love you.
I'm not gonna leave you for another man.
I don't want to go through our marriage like brother and sister.
Me too.
Otherwise, we'll have to move to the bayou.
So tell me something.
Are you totally satisfied with the way we are? - Oh, yeah.
- Tim, come on! Well, not totally.
OK.
OK.
If you could change something, wake up and have something be different, - what would it be? - Do you really want to know this? Yes, I do.
Say it.
Whatever it is.
If something could be different, I wish I wish it could be our sex life.
- How? - I wish we had one.
- It's been a long time.
- I know.
I know.
But you know how hard it is for me when I don't feel close to you.
Well, it's hard for me to feel close to you if we don't have sex.
- What are we gonna do? - You said we were out of tune, so, uh, let's get a tune-up.
What do you say I take you to Sorentino's on Saturday? - A candlelight dinner, you and I? - That sounds pretty good.
Although, you are on the rebound from Pee Wee.
I think I can get over Pee Wee.
Let me ask you a question.
If there was one thing you could change about our relationship, what would it be? I wish that we would talk more.
And I wish sometimes, if I'm feeling down, that you would put your arms around me and just hold me.
That's two things.
I just wish you understood me better.
Look past what I say sometimes and try to figure out what I really mean.
When I was talking about shoes, what I was trying to say It was like a metaphor for our marriage.
And instead of having my feelings hurt, I should have gotten past my own insecurity and seen it for what it was: An affirmation of our love.
Shoes.
They say it all.
Someday it'll just be the two of us prowling around the house.
You think we'll outlive the kids? I'm talking about when they move out.
You know, it's gonna leave a big void.
We'll fill it with stuff we've wanted to do together.
Like what? Oh, chop and channel a '49 Merc.
We'll buy a fishing boat.
We can gut our own flounder.
- I'd rather work on the car.
- All right! - What about painting? - I love painting.
We could take lessons.
Why? All you need is a pan and two rollers.
I was getting my hair cut and I read a magazine that said that a couple gets divorced every minute.
Gee, you'd think that couple would stop getting married.
You know, when we first got married, I was so scared that it wasrt gonna work out.
And then there was this one moment about six months in when I realized we were gonna be OK.
I remember that.
We went on vacation down in the islands.
Walked on the beach, the moon was up there, and I told you I loved you more than most of my tools.
Actually, I blocked that moment out.
No.
I had been really sick with this terrible, terrible flu.
And you passed up Laker tickets so that you could stay home and take care of me.
Yeah.
Well, I was young and in love.
And I scalped those tickets for three times their face value.
I can't believe it's been 18 years.
I can't believe it's been all night.
The surs coming up.
Wow! Oh.
Do you remember the last time that we stayed up all night, just the two of us, just sitting and talking? I know what night you're talking about.
- The night I proposed.
- Yeah.
Do you remember afterwards we went out for breakfast to that place with the big wagon wheel out front? Yes! With that big wagon wheel right in front of the place! - Yeah.
- What was the name of that? The Wagon Wheel.
Do you remember what we did after that? Yes.
I don't think I could still do that after a plate of their Hi-ho Silver Dollar Pancakes.
Hello.
Maybe this time we should have pancakes after.
Hi-ho, Silver! Jill? Where do you keep the cream rinse?