House, M.D. s07e08 Episode Script

Bájalo.
Get him down! What have you got against chickens? One got choked last night, thanks to you.
with haemoptysis, fever.
We can't even talk about it? If you can't apologize, we can't talk.
And puncture wounds.
I'm not apologizing for doing the right thing.
Lying to me was not the right thing.
Puncture wounds are from a crucifixion.
I lied to save my patient's life.
I didn't lie to you, I lied to my boss.
Either of those arguments working yet? Guess that means I don't have to go to the wedding on Saturday.
The hospital's chairman of the board? I'm not gonna stand him up and neither are you.
I loathe weddings and their seven levels of hypocrisy.
But you do seem awfully hissy, and there's an outside chance I can get you drunk and score.
So as long as you don't take it as an admission of guilt, sure, count me in.
Bit too much honesty? You're also going to the rehearsal dinner Friday night.
Dressy casual.
House-keeping.
Either you're crazy or you're atoning for something naughty.
And you're crazy.
He's a doctor.
I'm not atoning for anything.
That answers that, thanks.
My Marisa was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, stage IV glioblastoma.
When the doctors said she had two months to live, that's when I made my bargain.
With your health insurance carrier? With God.
Oh! I told him I would nail myself to a cross every year he kept her alive.
So how did that negotiation go? You lowballed with ear piercing and God countered? Three weeks later, she was cancer-free.
That was four years ago.
Pontius Pilate, misunderstood oncologist.
Yeah.
My ex-wife thinks I'm crazy, too.
She moved out the first time I did this.
At least your daughter has one viable role model.
- You don't believe in God? - I did.
Then I grew my curly hairs.
So how do you think I was cured? Maybe you were misdiagnosed in the first place.
You have your answer, Doctors.
We have ours.
Causal determinism, we are hardwired to need answers.
The caveman who heard a rustle in the bushes and checked out to see what it was lived longer than the guy who assumed it was just a breeze.
The problem is, when we don't find a logical answer, we settle for a stupid one.
Ritual is what happens when we run out of rational.
If you're done mocking him, we need to prep for an LP.
Good.
Another hole in him should really make God's day.
Why are you late? Your next dental appointment isn't until January and you just saw your GP eight days ago.
Think stage IV glioblastoma in an eight-year-old can disappear in three weeks? Had a flat tire.
Your patient has cancer? Your tires have got less than 5,000 miles on them.
No, and neither does my patient's daughter.
I hit a piece of rebar near a construction site.
In three weeks? It's highly unlikely.
There's no construction site between here and your home.
I agree, I think it was a misdiagnosed cyst.
But there is one between here and my dry cleaner.
It could be a misdiagnosis or it could be spontaneous remission, but Why would I lie about this? I don't know yet.
But you would've dropped off your tie, it's got a mustard stain.
I was buying an engagement ring.
I'm gonna propose to Sam at the wedding.
That is the second stupidest thing I've heard today.
And I'm surprised how close you came.
You didn't need to buy her a new ring.
Isn't the first one good for all-you-can-marry? I assume you haven't apologized to Cuddy yet.
Your stupidity demands equal time.
Nothing to apologize for.
Pretend to apologize.
You want me to lie? There's a lovely symmetry to it.
A lie got you into it, a lie gets you out of it.
Everybody lies.
I'm sure Cuddy Just need to give her a chance.
Yeah, that must've been what I meant.
Have you seen the bride-to-be? Gorgeous woman half his age.
He's a lucky guy.
- Yeah.
- For a while.
My father's 19 years older than my mother and they've been happily married for 32 years.
I'm guessing your dad wasn't on the Forbes 400 and your mom didn't look like a swimsuit model.
Sorry, that didn't come out right.
My father was the classics chair at Columbia and my mother was his student.
His gorgeous student.
What's it mean when somebody takes their cell phone into the bathroom when they're taking a shower? Means they don't want you to check their calls, e-mails or texts.
If we're talking about your wife, it means the chickens are coming home to roost.
Taub has been known to dabble.
Used to be.
Maybe it's just a habit.
I do that with my cell phone and I live alone.
She has a meeting today at 1:30, at a hotel.
I'm gonna go with the chicken thing.
Negative for toxocara, bacteroides, ascaris, everything.
So what looks like an infection but doesn't test like one? Animals.
I'm sure your wife's just seeing a dude.
Patient works for Morgan Timber Works, card's in the file.
"Specializing in stables, barns and stalls.
" He works around animals.
Rhodococcus equi.
Unless this guy's sleeping in the manger.
Or has a history of open wounds.
We think you have rhodococcus equi, a horse infection.
It's pretty rare in humans but easily treatable with antibiotics.
Does it make your teeth fall out? No.
Then again, maybe we were wrong.
Fever, coughing up blood, coughing up teeth.
Either God sweetened the deal with a no-flossing clause, or Radiation sickness.
Yeah, maybe the carpenter builds microwave ovens.
Kaposi sarcoma? No skin lesions.
Heavy metal poisoning fits, canned tuna, sushi, lead paint.
Heavy metal it is.
Do a home search and a peripheral smear.
I can't.
I have a personal errand to run.
Trying to catch your wife cheating? Why would you say that? Missing mojo, posture slumped, expression defeated, you didn't try to back up your theory.
And Chase told me.
Go, find your mojo.
Shopkeeper, I need a patient file.
Ask records.
Not one of our patients', my patient's daughter.
Ask your patient.
He thinks I only want it to debunk his faith.
And why would he think that? Because he's strangely perceptive for an idiot.
And I'm going to violate patient privacy laws just to keep you happy? You keep me happy, I return the favor.
Think of it as tat for tit.
When we're at work, we need to focus on our work thoughts.
Why are you wearing that? It's my dressy casual.
What do you think? You look like Wilson.
It looks weird.
But you knew I'd think that, which makes me wonder why you look disappointed.
If you prick me, do I not bleed? You knew I wouldn't like it but you thought I would say I did.
That's what this is about.
You're trying to trap me into lying to you.
You sure? That sounds so juvenile.
You're okay with burglary now? I asked his permission.
The reason we don't ask permission is we're afraid the patient is going to hide something.
But our patient hasn't been home, lives alone, doesn't have any help, and has no motive to hide anything.
You ask for his key, too? Oh! Doesn't have one.
And now we know why.
You think he's crazy? Crucifixion's pretty convincing evidence.
Lead paint? Place is too new.
He believes in a higher power that can affect his life, like most people on the planet.
True.
On the other hand, crucified himself.
No canned tuna and I don't think we have to worry about sushi.
No computer, no television, no music.
What does he do? He reads.
Prayer has been proven to aid recovery.
Only if the person knows they're being prayed for.
Means there's no objective effect.
So faith comes from within.
Not exactly a newsflash.
I guess worry is good for the waistline.
It's not worry, it's starvation.
His tooth didn't fall out because of heavy metal poisoning, it fell out because of malnutrition.
He does have rhodococcus equi.
Taub was right.
He just didn't know why.
- It's locked! - I'm busy.
I'll wait.
I really am busy.
Cuddy got me the daughter's file.
Well, not Cuddy, exactly.
Her signature.
Well, not exactly her signature.
Another lie? Thought you could take a look at it for me.
Maybe you hadn't heard, I'm kind of busy.
With what? Sudoku.
What do you think? I'm the head of oncology in a major hospital.
And yet these files are not from this hospital.
These are from Where-My-Fiancée-Works Memorial.
Sam's boss is doing a clinical review of all of her files, and she just wanted to make sure everything's in order before he starts on Monday.
Which explains why Sam is too busy to look at my file.
If I don't help her, she can't go to the wedding, and We fell in love at her cousin's wedding, which is why I want to propose to her at a wedding.
And now, you have 60 seconds to berate me for that and for helping my girlfriend with her homework.
You don't want to propose at a wedding.
Emotions running high, people on edge.
You want to try somewhere like a Buddhist temple or an aquarium, or a Buddhist aquarium.
That only took 10 seconds.
You can spend the rest of the time on my file.
Rachel? Hey.
How long before you're home? Not long.
Hey.
Hey.
Uh Yeah, you left your laptop on.
I saw you today, at the hotel.
Were you checking up on me? Yes.
Satisfied? Yes.
Good.
That's it? You said you're satisfied, that's enough.
You're not wondering why it started, that makes me think you don't want to talk about this, which makes me think You're being paranoid.
You took your cell phone with you into the bathroom when you took a shower this morning.
I made a new friend, online.
In a support group.
A guy? Yes.
Support group for what? For people with unfaithful spouses.
Why didn't you tell us you were starving yourself? Well, I wasn't trying to.
I'm on a tight budget and it seemed like an okay diet.
You seem to be feeling better.
Not really, my legs are killing me.
How bad is the pain? On a scale of one to 10, Nine and a half.
Then why are you smiling? I'm not smiling.
Leg pain and pseudo bulbar affect.
He's feeling one emotion while unknowingly expressing another one.
Classic neurohecatia.
Two days of anticholinergics and you'll be walking out of here.
Really? No.
I just made that up to see your reaction.
Diagnostic test.
This is awesome.
presenting narcissism, delusions of grandeur and hallucinations.
He hasn't had hallucinations.
I'm not talking about him, I'm talking about him, with a capital O-M-G.
You want us to do a differential diagnosis on Jesus? Hears voices, thinks he's the son of God, probably schizophrenic.
I think you offended him.
You're saying the patient's religious extremism could be a symptom? A neuro disorder could explain all his delusions.
Get an MRI of his brain.
Let's see if we can find God.
Heard you got the daughter's file.
Patient change his mind? I forged your signature.
Thank you for your honesty.
Think of it as a present.
See, somebody is about to turn the big 4-5 in several months, and somebody else wants to make a very big deal of it.
Very.
How could I make such a mistake? In reading your HR file.
Oh, no, wait, I didn't.
And boom goes the dynamite! Scores are tied.
We are even-steven.
You're right, I did lie.
To HR, not to you.
When I first applied for the VP admin job, I was 29 years old.
I knew I'd be taken more seriously if I were in my early 30s, so I added two years to my age.
You lied to make yourself older? Are you lying about being a woman? Even if you can trap me, do you think I'll suddenly embrace the value of lying? My point is you already have.
I just need to prove it.
Chickens aren't roosting.
She's just got a friend.
A guy she met in an online support group for cheating spouses.
I've heard of that group.
It's called Irony.
You think she's cheating on her spouse with someone from a cheating spouse support group? Sounds like the perfect place to hit on vulnerable women.
Look.
Multiple dense lesions.
It looks like MS.
How did we miss MS? It was hiding behind the malnutrition.
MS.
Attacks the immune system.
No system, no symptoms.
And now we're feeding him so they're both back.
How are you feeling? Terrible.
Obviously.
Where are your friends? Still casting lots for your clothes? All I ask is that they pray for me.
Always sacrificing, very inspirational.
The lesions are in your temporal lobes.
When those areas get messed with, people have strange experiences.
Like hauntings, alien abductions, past lives Deals with God? You didn't come to see if I was better, you came to see if your medicine has turned me into an atheist.
I'd settle for agnostic.
Faith is not a disease.
No, of course not.
On the other hand, it is communicable and it kills a lot of people.
I can't move my arm.
You feel that? Your friends are not praying hard enough.
It's not MS.
Paralysis is a symptom of MS, so are leg pain and pseudo bulbar affect.
He's getting worse on the prednisone.
It's not MS.
The MRI was clear, he has lesions.
It could be an AVM, cerebral infarction.
Let's put it to the vote.
Vest or cummerbund? Cummerbund.
You know me, I can't say no to any of you guys.
You're all correct.
He has MS.
But not the friendly Mr.
Rogers MS.
This is the weird-guy-in-the-panel-van kind.
Marburg MS? What did I just say? He'll be dead in two to three days, at the most.
That's unless we can get someone to nail themselves to a cross as soon as possible.
Or stem cell treatment.
That's an experimental treatment.
That's had promising results with demyelinating diseases.
It's our best shot.
It would be if it wasn't embryonic stem cell treatment.
Our patient's right of the pope, he's never gonna consent to that.
I know that, you know that, but he doesn't know that.
But now she knows that, he's gonna know that.
Way to go.
Confirm Marburg.
Then see if he's a fair-weather flagellator.
You looking smashing, Miss Moneypenny.
Cummerbund? Very foolish, Mr.
Bond.
The daughter's case checks out.
Stereotactic biopsy confirmed stage IV glioblastoma multiforme.
It doesn't respond to chemo but they gave it to her anyway as a Hail Mary and just got lucky.
So either God intervened, which is a lazy explanation, or we just don't know why, which is no explanation.
Sometimes there is no explanation.
And I'm just fine with that.
Which annoys me to no end.
I need that file, that chair and that desk.
Your woman is fudging the facts.
Five of those cases, the stated doses don't explain the radiation damage.
Sensitivities vary.
Not that much.
Yeah.
That's what I thought.
I asked her point-blank about this.
She said the dosages were accurate, and that she had done nothing wrong.
Because morally she didn't.
All five patients were terminal, she exceeded the dosing protocols to try to save their life.
You'd have done the same.
She's a sap and she's perfect for you.
I hate rehearsal dinners almost as much as I hate weddings.
The only reason anyone gets married is because Homo erectus females needed protection from predators while breastfeeding.
And the only reason these two are getting married is to throw an obnoxious gala to make the rest of us feel unworthy.
Even though we know in two years the lawyers are gonna be fighting over the Bentleys.
That'd make a lovely toast.
She's got looks, he's got money.
One of them is bound to run out.
I give it 19 months.
That's very specific.
No fault divorce in New Jersey requires couples to live at least 18 months apart.
I'm actually only giving it a few weeks.
I thought I was supposed to be the dark one.
Not today.
Yeah.
You're gonna have to go stag.
My patient is refusing treatment.
And you care? No, but it's an excuse you can't argue with.
Accepting this treatment is an insult to God.
I can't expect him to keep our deal.
You already broke it.
Your blood test shows you were loaded with ibuprofen.
Taking painkillers breaks my deal? The point is to suffer like your savior did, right? Well, he didn't take myrrh, the Tylenol of ancient Rome.
And his nails went through his wrists, not through his palms.
Palms are for sissies.
And what about the 39 lashes, and the beatings and the crown of thorns? What you go through is closer to a bad manicure than a crucifixion.
It's not about showing God my pain, it's about showing him my faith.
If he asks me to die for my daughter, I'll do it gladly.
Don't make this about your daughter.
You're just worried that we'll find a cure that will cost you your faith, and you'll be like the rest of us.
Alone and afraid? You're right.
I don't want that.
You're smiling.
Does that mean that you're comfortable with your choice or that you're afraid? Because this may be your only hope.
You can prescribe a lot of things but hope isn't one of them.
Sticking by your convictions and damning the consequences.
You two have a lot in common.
You're both idiots.
All convictions equally ridiculous? Just when they're applied indiscriminately to all circumstances.
He needs to see his daughter.
He needs to see Inherit the Wind.
And tell her he's dying because God doesn't want him to take his medicine.
Honesty's not all bad.
Get her in here.
You don't have to die.
Not if you take the medicine.
The treatment violates God's laws.
He doesn't want me to take it.
But God doesn't want you to die.
He doesn't want anyone to die.
He's all about love.
I know this is coming from your mother.
This is coming from me.
I'm the one who almost died, I know what it's like.
You're my daddy, you can't die.
I wish I didn't have to.
You don't have to, Daddy.
Just take the medicine.
You always tell me to take the medicine.
Please.
One day, you're going to understand.
No, I'm not.
I'm never going to understand that.
If God could do this, I hate God.
I just spotted a couple of hot girls by the chocolate fountain.
Weren't you just upstairs with It wouldn't have happened if not for you, buddy.
Someone had to distract the sober friend.
I'm not here to be your wingman.
I'll be your wingman this time.
I didn't come here to get laid either.
Then don't.
Talking to beautiful women isn't nearly as much fun as watching Taub not talking to his wife.
I went through your e-mails.
There's nothing in there that's inappropriate.
We're friends, Chris.
But you tell him things that you've never told me.
I tell him things I can't tell you, that's the point.
Not things about me, about you.
About your new job, about coloring your hair, about how you felt when your mother died.
I want to know those things.
He's easy to talk to.
He's open and honest.
He makes me feel safe.
Sounds like you love him.
I'm not having an affair.
He lives in Oregon.
I've never met him.
I probably never will.
You are having an affair, an emotional one.
Are you equating what I'm doing with what you did? I've done terrible things to you.
And I deserve all of this and more.
But you can't pretend that what you're doing isn't hurtful.
Someone looks lovely tonight.
Thank you.
I meant me.
But someone else looks simply stunning.
That was you.
And the blonde at the bar.
Just to be clear, this whole little act isn't gonna work.
I need an apology, not flattery.
It's not an act.
It's the wedding.
You hate weddings.
I thought I did.
Then I realized I've never been to one.
Never? Turns out they're kind of fun.
Well, I can't complain about my boss.
He's right here.
You're his boss? Only Mondays through Fridays.
On the weekends, he's my bro.
This round's on the bro? Um I'm sorry about your daughter.
I never meant to hurt her.
You just thought she'd change my mind.
I was surprised she didn't.
So was I.
I didn't tell you the truth.
When I said I'm not afraid to die.
But you're going straight to heaven, so That's what I believe.
But I'm human.
So you know you may be wrong.
How could you do what you just did? That's why we have beliefs, so we can still see the right thing to do when we're blinded with doubt and fear.
Our beliefs define us.
If we lose them, who are we? Look, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean for it to go that way.
You think I'm being selfish but I'm not.
He makes me feel better about me and about us.
Well, that is hard to believe because all I feel right now is betrayed.
I never wanted that.
Good.
Because just like you asked me to stop my behavior, I'm asking you to stop this.
No? I'm not gonna lie to you.
Is this revenge? I don't know.
But I do know that it's something I need right now.
What would you wear? I'm a sucker for the white gown.
Traditionally for young, first-time brides.
Well, I may not be young but I'd be first-time.
That is a lie.
You were married before.
In 1987, for six days.
Your knowledge of New Jersey divorce law made me suspicious, so I looked it up.
So this was all your trap? Trap's primitive, I prefer inveiglement.
Anyway, the point is, I lied to you, you lied to me, I forgive you.
Well played.
You're tired, aren't you? All those files.
No, no, I was thinking I mean, if those two even have the slightest chance of making it, then we have to be a sure thing.
And we've already made all our mistakes.
And I've come to realize that I love you even more than I thought I did.
Sam, will you marry me again? Wow.
I don't even know what to say.
I have a suggestion.
Where did this even come from? When did you You just came to realize? What made you love me even more? Everything you've done, your work, your sense of morality.
The five cases.
I not only agree with what you did, I admire it.
I didn't do anything.
You already asked me about the files and I told you the truth.
I know, and I get it.
You don't believe me.
I believe that you are a wonderful person.
Who lies and cheats.
No, Sam.
Listen, I'm on your side.
I can't believe this.
What? Sam.
Sam, don't do this.
So how many do you think? At least three.
Hat-trick Chase.
See? Life of the bachelor.
All of the sex, none of the guilt.
It's not over, okay? I just really miscalculated.
I thought she'd forgiven me for everything but all those hurt feelings, they never really went away.
That makes a lot more sense.
Ignore him, he just got an idea.
I have one more test to run.
Uh, I hate weddings.
Won't be long now.
You'll be staring down the yawning void before you know it.
You came from a wedding to tell me that? No, I came from a wedding to run a PET scan.
Thought you'd given up on me.
I have.
PET scan was for your daughter.
I was wrong about her.
She did have glioblastoma.
And she still does.
Cancer never went away.
Yes, it did.
They tested her every year.
With a CT scan which misses all the tiny little tumors that a PET scan doesn't.
You made a mistake.
She does not have cancer anymore.
I ran it twice, no mistake.
Looks like God broke your deal.
I'm sorry.
But I'm also right.
You're a bastard.
Do whatever you want to me.
Good call.
Surprised you've got enough strength to come to work today.
Thirty-six hours is long enough for me to recover.
And not nearly long enough for this guy to be getting better.
House wanted us checking every 12 hours anyway.
Sorry I took off on you.
Twice.
First one was my bad.
Second one I had no choice.
It was a threesome.
They're overrated.
He's bluffing.
He's bluffing.
Get House.
Got something to show you.
Your daughter's PET scan.
It's clean.
She's fine.
My bad.
Got her mixed up with Marion Silver.
Marisa Silva.
That's believable, right? Anyhow, good news for you, bad news for Mr.
Silver.
You tricked me.
God didn't break our deal, I did.
You led me into temptation and I followed.
And God will punish you for that.
He has to.
'Cause if he didn't, it'd make you wonder, wouldn't it? He will.
Well, that's why I'm so confused by this.
This is your MRI.
Shows incremental improvement.
You're getting better.
I double-checked the name on this one.
But it's not all good news.
This patient is screwed.
Technical term is dead as a doornail.
Who is that? God.
You broke your deal with him but your daughter's fine and you're getting better.
Nothing bad happened.
Which can only mean one thing, there is no God.
'Course, if your daughter gets hit by a meteorite today, I would have some serious egg on my face.
You're smiling.
I assume that means you're miserable.
It means I'm happy.
This doesn't mean God doesn't exist, it just means he's truly merciful.
My beautiful Marisa was right, God is all about love.
Punishment is proof of God and no punishment is proof of God.
Ingenious argument.
Faith isn't an argument.
I'd like to see my daughter.
Everyone else knew? Everyone I could trust.
So, yes.
If you had told me, he'd be dead by now.
So why do I still want to tell the truth? Either you're na:ïve, or you have scruples.
I'm not sure which is worse.
This is insane.
We can't work like this.
I can.
Sam? Sorry, I was hoping to be done before you got home.
We had a fight.
We had one fight.
And I admitted I was wrong.
We can talk about it, we can get over it.
This is about trust.
I never lied to you about anything.
I know, and I always trusted you.
I Maybe we could talk to a counselor.
You said that helped after our divorce.
It did, and I think I changed a lot.
And I haven't.
This is my fault? I know where this is going.
And I don't want to go there again.
You're quitting, Sam.
You're quitting again.
So I guess you haven't changed that much.
Good work today.
Don't even think your patient's gonna sue.
Looks like everybody's happy.
I've been an idiot.
I got this argument stuck in my head.
If everybody lies, then trust is not only unfounded and pointless, it's fictional.
But trust is not an argument that can be won or lost.
Maybe I just have to suspend my cynicism and believe.
Maybe it's time I took a leap of faith.
I'm sorry.
I won't lie to you again.
Thank you.
Sam left me.
What a moron.
Too soon.
I'm still in love with her.
I meant you.
Do you have a drink? Or drinks? Cuddy's coming over.
Does she know you're here? I apologized to her.
Good for you.
Not really, I lied.
I just took your advice.
Too bad you didn't.
Good for you.