King of the Hill s07e10 Episode Script

FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY and TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX TELEVISION If I wasn't stealing so much beer from this place I'd totally quit.
Yeah, we should build our own MegaloMart.
Call it, like CooloMart.
Blue vest, incoming.
(workers chanting): Who's the lowest? We're the lowest! Megalo-team! Megalo-fun! Megalo-sucks.
Exercises, huh? I got to tell you, Norm when MegaloMart first came to town I hated it, but I got to admit I like buying my hammers and pants at the same store so I can see how they look together.
Glad we won you over, Hank.
Since you been handling our propane I don't have to spend time checking to see if the tanks are really filled.
That's why I call you "Full Tank Hank," Hank.
Well, that's catchy.
(chanting): Who's the lowest? We're the lowest.
Megalo-team.
Who's the lowest? We're the lowest By the way, we got another shipment of those culottes your wife likes.
Just remember, a Chinese large is a medium.
Well, Peggy loves her culottes.
Dang it.
Just between you and me we got a little rat infestation here.
Hank, you're tapped in, and I can trust you.
You know a good exterminator? Someone who's discreet but can get the job done? No.
Yep.
Yup.
Ant! (grunts) Got him.
You owe me five bucks.
No way.
Come on, Bill, I need the money.
That damned new PestPro franchise has been taking all my business.
If I could just get one good job, I'd be back on my feet.
Hey, Boomhauer, you any closer to getting married? Dang ol' huh? I heard down at the chemical warehouse that MegaloMart's taking bids for a rat problem.
Man, that would be a sweet gig.
I could start paying for Nancy's health insurance instead of just telling Nancy I'm paying for it.
(sighing) All right, Dale, I can see you need the work and I know the manager at MegaloMart.
But be careful.
This is a very big client for me.
All right, Hank! Hi, I'm Chuck Mangione and at MegaloMart, our prices are falling faster than I am! ("Feels So Good"playing) I just don't know about putting my reputation in the hands of a man I wouldn't lend my mechanical pencil to.
Look, Dale needs this and if there's one thing Dale can do, it's kill things.
Wait, wait, does MegaloMart still have a pet department? No.
He'll be fine.
Well, I guess he'd do the same for me.
I mean, whenever he prints up that money of his I'm usually on the 100-Gribble bill.
I don't know how to thank you, Hank.
I'll let the fellas down at Shoe box Greetings do it for me.
Just thank me by doing a thorough, discreet professional, quiet, detailed, courteous, efficient job.
I won't let you down.
I'm actually going to spray poison instead of walking around going "sss.
" So, anyway, uh, the rats have chewed through the wires in our security cameras and destroyed several hundred dollars worth of crackers.
Now, I don't want to alarm the customers so we got to keep a low profile.
You won't know I'm here, Glide well but the rats that drag their diseased bellies across your merchandise will.
And now, the bait.
Hmm.
Rat poison lasagna or rat poison Salisbury steak? Ah, heck, Hank's reputation is on the line.
I'm going to let this rat have it with both barrels.
Nothing! What am I doing wrong?! I don't get it! Wait.
I've encountered a bite pattern like that before but where? Here! Now, where did I get that? Hmm.
Possum, possum, manatee Aha! Of course.
Jungle Country Safari.
I'm not looking for a rat at all.
CHRIS: This is art, man.
I told you, we should totally build stage designs for Creed.
Hank, it's going better than I could possibly have expected.
Oh, good.
Did you catch it already? Not yet, but I'm on the trail.
Remember when you said you hoped I learned my lesson from that run-in with the baboon? Well, let's just say, "Lesson learned and applied.
" Dude! Dude! Oops.
Uh have you noticed any baboons in the store lately? From a distance, they may have looked like a large, hairy customer with a bright red ass.
(grunts) $39.
99?! That's weird.
I bought this CD for $4.
99 at CD Express and I thought it was outrageously overpriced albeit quite pleasant to make love to.
Yeah, man, it's real strange.
Sometimes we see things and, like, the prices are totally marked wrong and I know I didn't do it, and I know he didn't do it.
Yeah, and sometimes in the morning the Mangione standees are all facing a different direction than they were the night before.
How do you figure that? Hmm.
You've added a piece to the puzzle.
Now, were the standees moved sloppily, as if by a monkey or neatly, as if by a man? Neatly.
As if by man.
(groaning) Here's the deal, Glidewell.
This gig may be less of a quote-unquote "extermination" and more of a quote-unquote "murder.
" Just tell me you can handle it.
Hank said you were the best.
Hank said that? I mean, I knew he'd put in a good word for me but"the best"? All right, I'll need to spend the night here as my prey seems to be nocturnal in nature.
I don't know.
It's against company policy.
I guarantee success by morning or Hank Hill is a braying jackass.
I really think I did the right thing recommending Dale.
Hank, you are distracting my concentration.
I'm trying to teach Bobby how to play Don't Spill the Beans.
(nasal tone): Out of beans! That's six games in a row, Mom.
What? Now, that is impossible.
I've never lost anything six times in a row.
Bobby, open your mouth.
Ah (phone ringing) Hill residence.
Dale, is that you? Are you done? It won't be long now.
I'm working through the night.
You're spending the night in the store? Is the rat problem that bad? Rat problem? Oh, of course, you still think there's rats here.
Well, don't beat yourself up, Hank.
I did too until the evidence pointed to baboon.
Baboon?! Dale, don't tell Glidewell there's a baboon.
It's not a baboon.
I know that.
I won't bore you with the details but bottom line it's Chuck Mangione.
What?! And I'm going to flush him out tonight.
And Hank, Glidewell told me you said I was the best.
I nearly teared up right there in front of him.
No! No! No! No! Don't worry, I didn't.
(groaning) D-Dale, Dale? You know, I have been thinking about it.
You never should have recommended Dale.
Dale's losing it at MegaloMart, Nancy.
We need some traps for the rats and a tranquilizer gun for D uh Also for the rats.
Hank, he has his whole self-esteem tied up in killing things smaller than he is.
If y'all catch the rat, please put it in his pocket so he thinks he caught it.
Here, everyone put on a jumpsuit.
If Glidewell shows up we'll look like Dale's crew.
HANK: Now remember, find the rat kill the rat, pat Dale on the back.
HANK: That's where the culottes are.
(yelling, grunting) Quit re sis ting! Ha! Hank? Give me that! What are you guys doing here? And why are you wearing my backup jumpsuit? And my backup's backups? Hold on.
You're either here to check up on me or goof on me.
Which "on me" is it? You think I can't do the job? We're just here 'cause well, the truth is we missed you in the alley so we put on the jumpsuits to remind us of you and next thing you know, here we are.
Well, wingo.
Grab a snack aisle 12, and a chair aisle 94.
But remember, I'm after big game here a breed known as Chuckus Mangionus.
'Sgo.
(chuckling) Dale's crazy.
(grunting) Come out of there, you dang bean.
Aha! You little flapjack! I knew it! Nobody beats Peggy Hill six times in a row.
I can't breathe! Dale, look, a hole.
Rat! Rat! There it is! Get it! Oh, man, dang ol' there it is, man! No, it's behind you.
Dang ol' spray, man.
Come on, come on, right there.
Get it man, oh, don't Way to go, Dale, you you captured the rat just like a real exterminator! Glidewell's gonna What the hell?! You had the rat! Ah, that was one of the ones I released to flush out Mangione.
His name is Keith.
What?! You're releasing rats in the store?! My reputation is on the line! Don't worry.
None of my five trained rats will be here when Glidewell comes in.
The mongoose I let out will see to that.
Mongoose? (sighs) Okay.
I tell you what, Dale.
You want to search for Chuck you do it by yourself over there.
We'll search for, uh Chuck, on our own over here.
Whatever you do, don't get captured.
I will not negotiate with Mangione.
(yawning) Mmm (grunts) Got dang it! Yeah, talking 'bout unleash them hounds, man.
Crossbow armed.
And now for the bait.
(footsteps shuffling) Bill? Boomhauer? Whoo-hoo.
(giggles) Yo, man.
Hey, Hank? Hey, man, stop that! Hey, man! (screaming) (fearful grunt) It's got me! Dang it, Boomhauer you have one of these at home.
You're supposed to be working.
Got dang ol' Gribble's right, man! That dang ol' Mangione comes in, turns switch, man.
Started to spin around like my head, man.
What are you talking about? Man, I talking about that dang ol' Chuck Mangione, man.
I knew it! Yippee! I knew he was here.
I felt his presence.
Come on.
There's an easy explanation for this.
You spun yourself too hard, you got dizzy and then you saw one of those stand-up displays of Chuck that are everywhere.
Or Chuck himself.
BILL: Leave me alone! (grunts) What did Mangione do to you? Nothing.
He was popping me with a wet towel! It's the mongoose! He's headed for my trip wires.
Hit the deck! (Bill grunts) Dale, stop it.
Get up, you guys.
(frightened grunting) Well, that's the calculated risk you take when you release a mongoose.
That's it! That is the last straw.
You've gone and turned a simple rat job into one of your crazy conspiracies.
I'm sorry I ever lied to Glidewell for you, Dale.
Lied? What are you saying? I promised on my word that Glidewell would have his rat problem taken care of.
So I'm going to call PestPro to make sure it's taken care of! You you wouldn't, Hank.
You've left me no choice.
Dang it! The phone's dead.
BILL: Oh, God.
The doors are blocked.
Chuck don't want us to leave.
("Feels So Good"playing) Told you, Hank.
(Hank yells) Look, Dale I'll admit something bigger than a rat must have moved those soda machines.
Now come on, help us push them away so we can get out of here.
Yeah, that's exactly what Chuck wants you to do.
The first one to touch those machines will be electrocuted.
Then, while the rest of you saps are staring at a charred and twisted Bill Chuck will pounce.
Dale, man I don't want to die twisted, painful Dale, help me out here.
What do you think we should do? What are you asking me for? I'm loony.
I'm going to go find me a Chuck.
And if you're lucky, when I check his stomach contents there won't be pieces of you.
(sighs) All right.
If we're going to make it through tonight think, think.
Okay, let's form a back-to-back triangle so no one can sneak up on us.
This is good, this is good.
If we just keep our wits about us, everything will be fine.
(loud clanging) (both screaming) You were supposed to keep your wits about you.
(Hank yells) Six beans.
(inhaling deeply) Ah! Why don't you go home and get some sleep.
I believe it's your turn, nose boy.
Dale! Boomhauer! (yells) (grunts) (gasping): Ch-Chuck? DALE: Gotcha Mr.
Adult Contemporary.
I did it! I caught Chuck Mangione! (yelps) What in the hell?! (sinister laughter) (evil giggling) Oh, you're just the kids from the music department.
(chuckling): He totally thought we were Chuck Mangione, bro! We tooled you big time! Oh, you are such a tool! I blew it.
All my exterminator's instincts were wrong.
I'm not fit to live on this earth let alone killthe things that live on this earth.
Oh, you know what we should do? Dude, we should dress him up in ladies' lingerie take him to the photo department and make him sit on our laps! Let's just shave his head like we planned.
(shrieking) CHRIS (over P.
A.
): Come out, come out, wherever you are! CORT: You can run, but you can't hide! All right, now who are you? Take off the mask and quit mocking me! Ouch! Watch the lip, man.
(gasping): It's you! It's really you.
So I'm not crazy but you are! You let a mongoose out in the store.
You're living in a toilet paper fort.
Let's agree to disagree.
Chuck, I don't get it.
What are you doing here? This is a long way from The Merv Griffin Show.
Ah, when I signed the contract to be the MegaloMart spokesman I didn't read it carefully.
I have to be at every store opening and they open I haven't had time to record or tour or give my old lady any slow, sweet loving in years.
So, I disappeared to the last place they'd ever look for me.
I've been living here rent-free, eating their Cheerios playing their video games and trying on their underpants.
Anything to stick it to the Man.
You chewed up the security camera wires? It was necessary so I could come and go as I pleased.
But what about the droppings? There were droppings all over the place.
(sinister chuckling) Make those Megalo chumps pick'em up! They owe me! Right on.
Keeping it real.
(Hank shrieking) Sure sounds like your friends need you, Dale.
They do, Chuck.
Wait.
Every aisle has a hollow passage with openings at the discount flags.
Use it.
Look here, I don't know what you two are hopped up on but it's going to wear off and you're going to be very regretful about your actions.
(both yell) (wailing): Okay, you win! Can't breathe! Gentlemen, the infestation is over.
Except for the mongoose but I'm sure he's found a new home.
Thanks for the recommendation, Hank.
If I'd called PestPro they would have just sprayed in here and I'd have some parents of dead teens suing me.
Nice work, Gribble.
Yeah, "Nice work, Gribble.
" (chuckling) Chuck Mangione in the MegaloMart.
Yeah, man, that dang ol' Dale, man.
Chuck Mangione probably in Hollywood right now, man probably sticking that ol' horn to Minnie Driver, man.
Yeah, my mistake.
Silly me.
Look, it might not have been Chuck Mangione but he found the pests and took care of the problem.
Dale, I'd recommend you anytime.
Sorry I doubted you.
("Feels So Good" playing softly) What was that? Muzak.
Just Muzak.
(song continues) WGBH access.
Wgbh.
Org Whoo-hoo! That's where the culottes are.