Frasier s07e12 Episode Script
Rdwrer
Oh, hey, Frasi er.
Oh, hello, Roz.
Happy New Year.
Or should I say, happy new millennium.
Oh, barf.
I'm so sick of talking about it.
Oh, now, Roz, let's not condemn the new millennium just because you woke up in it with a hangover.
That's what ruined church for you.
Decaf latte, please.
I just hate how this arbitrary point on the calendar has become so significant.
And as far m y hangover wen t, it was worth it.
I partied my ass off like a brain-damaged test monkey.
I see.
Well, allow me to congratulate you on your first science-related metaphor.
Thank yo u.
Mm-hmm.
And what did you do? Get all freaky and finish your list of the century's greatest thinkers? No, but my new year's was plenty exciting enough, thank you very much.
Although not exactly in a way I'd planned.
Cancel the millennium.
Chez Henri has burned down! Burned down? NILES: Yes.
Apparently, Henri was caramelizing a huge creme brulee in the shape of Puget Sou nd when a sugar spa rk ignited a 30-foot papier mââche space needle.
They're already calling it the worst centerpiece disaster in the history of Seattle.
Henri built his reputation with that caramelizing torch.
My God.
The irony of him burning down his own restaurant with it.
It's worthy of O.
Henry.
O.
Henri.
Please, Niles, it's too soon to joke.
What exactly are we going to do tomorrow night? Every restaurant in town worth going to has been booked for months.
Well, you know, you can join me and the boys at McGinty's.
It's going to be a lot of fun.
They're going to dye the beer green.
Why would you do that on New Year's Eve? Oh, well, McGinty's going in for a bypass next month, and he's afraid he might not make it out for St.
Patty's Day.
.
This is a disaster No, they'll just pop in another pig valve.
You know, the only reason he needs it is 'cause he eats so much bacon.
So the same thing that's killing him is keeping him alive.
There's your O.
Henry story.
Well, maybe we can just stay in tomorrow night.
On the most significant New Year's Eve of our lifetime? I think not.
I should have ju st gone with Mel.
ing She and her mother are tak oon a hot air ball ry.
through th e wine count Well, not in the balloon, no, but I could've followed along in the recovery vehicle.
Wait a minute.
Speaking of wine, wasn't the wine club having some sort of a party? Yes, at Ken Lauterbach's place in Sun Valley.
Oh, it's a huge event.
Of course! "Auld Lang Wine"! Niles, call and see if we're still invited.
All right, I'm on it.
Bloody hell.
Five days after Christmas is over, and I'm still getting these cards.
They do it on purpose, you know.
It's always from someone you forgot, and then it's too late to send one back.
Then they sneer at you for the rest of the year.
"Peace and goodwill," my ass.
You just lost yourself a customer, Dr.
Naran S.
Gupta, D.
D.
S.
MARTIN : Mm.
Losing a set of English teeth.
He'll feel that.
This is for you from the D.
M.
V.
is.
Oh-ho! I k now what this The custom pla tes I ordered for my Winnebago.
Yay! Well, 50 bucks, but I think it says it all.
Rrrd? Wrrer? Rid worryer? ! Red wearer Oh, for God's sake, "Road Warrior.
" Of course.
For a retired man with a cane and a Winnebago.
I don't know why my mind didn't go straight to it.
! NILES: Huzzah Hello, Daphne.
Ken says he'd lo ve to have us come, r.
and the mo re, the merrie Oh, Niles, that's brilliant.
Dad, please, please, won't you join us? You know what? Say, let's call the travel agent.
Not to rain on your parade, but you may have a tough time getting flights this late.
Donny and I had a devil of a time getting our flight to San Francisco.
, Oh, Daphne they always set aside a few choice seats for Seattle's travel elite.
(horn honking) or! MAN: Pick a lan e, Road Warri MARTIN : See? He got it.
Hey! MARTIN: Ah, being on the road like this is like we're three dusty hoboes sharing a boxcar to parts unknown.
Yes, well, if you don't take this next turn, we'll end up in Californy.
Gee, Niles, you seem a little cranky.
Well, perhaps that's because I rousted out of a warm bed at the crack of dawn and herded onto a Winnebago! Better safe than sorry, Niles.
You know, it's 650 miles to Sun Valley, and half of that's through the mountains.
, By the way how are we going to explain to the wine club our arriving in a Winnebago? es.
Just chalk it off to whimsy, Nil .
" We'll call it our "Van Ordinaire ing You know, besides, I'm actually enjoy d.
this little trip through the heartlan I feel a little bit out of touch with the common man.
It's nice to reconnect.
Well, while you're reconnecting, why don't you let me drive? es.
I-I would, Nil It's just that, um I ne I need you to navigate.
Yeah, you're the most important member of our crew, good buddy.
The man with the map.
Stop patronizing me.
I want to drive.
Oh, you're not good with big cars, Niles.
Remember when I tried to teach you to drive my Le Sabre? You kept panicking and pulling on the emergency break.
Well, it's a good thing I did.
Those mailboxes weren't even slowing me down.
Oh, did you see that sign? Little Red Cabin.
Remember those diners? Home of the logroller: a flank steak wrapped around a combination of eggs, cheese and onions.
You kids used to love eating there.
You'd scream out at me, "Dad, pull over! Quick, pull over!" Actually, Dad, tha t was after we ate.
(humming to classical music) Oh, Niles.
g.
Thought you were sleepin (Martin laughing) I was trying to, but Dad wanted to watch the VCR.
Oh, good Lord.
NotRobin and the Seven Hoodsagain? (Martin laughing) Worse.
(Ã Ã la Austin Powers): Yeah, baby.
Now, that was a shagadelic flick.
You know, Dad, if you're quite done, I think I'll try to take a nap.
Oh, behave.
You know, Dad, e you do realize that the Austin Powers craz .
is completely over Well, I'm sorry.
Do I bore you? Or do I make you randy? FRASIER: Oh (phone ringing) Hello.
Yes, Niles.
n.
I'm driving as smoothly as I ca Any other little driving tips ? you'd like to give me Why don't you just come up here and tell me to my face! Hey, look, another Little Red Cabin sign.
You know, we're not going to find anything better to eat on this highway.
d.
Oh, let's no t be hasty, Da It's five miles away.
We might run over something before then.
You know, I am so tired, I can barely read this menu.
That's all right, Niles, you don't have to read.
You can just poi nt to a picture nt.
of the food you wa MARTIN: What's this? "A logroller with your choice of cheese"? You can't have a logroller without American cheese.
nt Apparently, you can't get anythi ng in this restaura without American cheese.
.
.
including the menu.
Niles, if you're so tired, why don't you go back to the Road Warrior, take a nap? Oh, you know, that's a good idea.
At least it'll be quiet.
I wonder if you can still get sticky shingles here.
One look at the salad bar says yes.
What looks good to you, Fras? Well, actually, Dad, you know, I think I'll have a hamburger.
Would you order that for me, Dad? Yeah.
You going someplace? FRASIER: As a matter of fact, I am.
I'm going to take a chance and reacquaint myself with an old friend of mine: America.
Hello there.
Could I buy you a cup of coffee? You see, I'm just a wandering city mouse trying to get in touch with America.
Now, you, you look like you'd be a farmer.
it.
Oh, I get You see a guy in a rural diner wearing shab by clothes, you pin your littl e label on him.
at? Well, guess wh r, I am a farme but I'm also a beautiful, flawed, complicate d human being, fee and it's going to take more than a cup of cof to get inside here.
I'll just go see how my father's doing.
? So, how was he Beautiful, flawed unpleasant.
Well, according to the map, it's about 300 miles to Sun Valley.
Oh, that's delightful, Dad.
You know what? We'll get there in plenty of time for the party.
Hey, listen, you know, your brother's going to be hungry.
ch.
Maybe we should bring him a sandwi I wouldn't worry about Niles, Dad.
You saw how tired he was.
Let's just let him sleep for the rest of the trip.
You su re? Oh, sure.
It's the most exciting day of the year, Dad.
For God's sakes, you know, when Niles wakes up, I guarantee you the last thing he'd be thinking about is sandwiches.
WOMAN: Oh, my goodness.
Look what I just found in my pocket.
The lighter I borrowed from that waitress in the restaurant.
I feel terrible.
r.
Forget it, Mothe .
We're not taking it back MOTHER: Well, I really think we should just turn around an-and say we're sorry and return it.
MAN: I think we ought to keep it.
Our old one's nearly out of fuel anyway.
MOTHER: That doesn't make it right.
We're still criminals in the eyes of the law.
s MAN: There's a lot worse criminal than you and me.
Remember that last gun show we went to? We must have seen at least three different people swiping boxes of shells.
: There's one thing you can say for us We pay for our ammo.
So, this party tonight-- going to be a lot of shagnificent birds? Dad, I'm begging you.
(phone ringing) Hello.
Niles, will you please stop doing this?! y.
I'm getting a little drows Well, if you'r e so tired, just scootch over-- I'll take the wheel.
ay.
MA N: Ok Yes, yes, hello.
I'm being kidnapped.
This is an emergency.
I'm being kidnapped.
I'm in a stolen Winnebago heading east on I-84.
I can't talk any louder.
I'm being stolen.
Yes, yes.
Washington plates-- R-D-W-R-E-R.
Road Warrior.
Yes, it does.
It does so.
Sound it out.
Never mind.
Oh, for God's sake, just save me.
.
MAN: Oh, I'm I'm getting too sleepy I'm going back for a little lie down.
Okay.
k! Oh, wait , Dad, loo There's another one of those Little Red Cabins.
Why don't we just stop and have some supper first? 'Cause I'm tired, and I'm not hungry.
Clifford.
Well, I guess a sandwich wouldn't kill me.
MOTHER: I feel sort of funny even stopping here.
Sort of like returning me.
to the sce ne of the cri o.
Mother, let it g (doors opening and closing) (engine starts) All right, Eddie.
Let's go sign nature's guest book.
(phone ringing) Hello.
NILES: Frasier? Yes.
Niles.
Put your fears to rest.
I've got Dad's Winnebago back.
Niles, what on earth are you talking about? You must have had a nightmare.
Uh, indeed I have.
But it's over now, and I managed to give the thugs a taste of their own thieving medicine.
(gasps): Niles! Niles, where are you calling from?! From behind the wheel of the Road Warrior.
And doing a damn fine job driving, I might add.
ButI'min the Road Warrior! You got in the wrong car, you idiot! You've stolen a Winnebago! Oh, don't be absurd.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, my God! (tires squealing) (tires screeching) All right, Niles, just keep your head! There's no need to panic! MAN (over bullhorn): This is the police! Exit your vehicle immediately with your hands above your head.
How's that turkey club, Dad? A little dry.
Sorry about the misunderstanding.
These papers all check out, sir.
Well, ry if there's nothing else, we're in a hur ey.
to get to Sun Vall But nottoo much of a hurry.
Well, drive safely.
u.
FRASIER: Thank yo What a clown.
I can tell you ten things he did wrong right off the bat.
Well, at least he was apologetic.
Oh, these hick towns w ill give any bozo a badge.
A goober like th at wouldn't last ten minutes in a real police force without getti ng a promotion.
Your license.
(chuckles) (phone ringing) Hello.
Hello, Frasier.
I've managed to solve the problem.
I returned the Winnebago.
To where? Where are you? Well, I'm in Baker City, Oregon.
Baker City?! Shag me rotten.
That's 300 miles! Niles, we will never get there and then back to Sun Valley before midnight.
Well, I'm not going to ring in the new year in a Little Red Cabin.
All right, all right.
Listen.
The only way we ca n ever pull this off .
is if you can catch a ride in this direction Hold on.
Hold on.
Oh, my gosh.
It's engraved.
Dad, I'm not going to enjoy the rest of this trip until we return that woman's lighter.
Mother, do you expect me to turn around and drive 150 miles back to that Litt le Red Cabin? ng.
We are not goi n.
End of discussio Clifford.
Good news.
I'm on my way.
k All right, Niles s ays he can make it bac .
to the restaurant wher e we first got separated All I have to do now i s turn this boat around.
to the next exit.
I can't wait that long.
Well, you can't do a U-ey on an interstate.
That's 20th-century talk, Dad.
Welcome to the future! (tires screeching) at! God, that felt gre , Wow! This is reall y quite an adventure d? isn't it, Da (siren blaring) w.
MARTIN: It is no Oh, dear God.
MARTIN: All right, just relax, Frasier.
Now, I know cops.
Just let me do the talking.
We'll be out of here in two minutes.
All right, Dad, let's switch.
e.
Well, look who's her ? You boys know what y ou did wrong back there Yeah, yeah, I know.
A U-turn.
Nope.
Called me a goober.
(utensils clattering) s, Oh, Nile I'm so sorry we're late.
Well, well, not to worry.
When you're here at the crossroads of the world, you have the human drama to amuse you.
.
(sighs): Well, Happy New Year, boys Oh, yes, five minutes ago.
Everyone in the world will have a wonderful story to tell about where they were and what they were doing when the millennium dawned.
What isourstory? Speeding along a lonely highway.
And you here, doing nothing.
Well, not exactly nothing.
Big Sandy let me watch the register while she emptied the rat traps.
.
Hey, wait a minute we? Where are Well, Dad, I've never seen a picture of the official middle of nowhere, but ere Yeah, yeah, yeah, but the middle of nowh ht? Mountain Time, rig It's still only Which can't be more than 45 minutes from here.
ne Right.
We ca n cross the li r! and toast in the new year togethe Dad, that's brilliant! And there was a delightful- looking little restaurant .
just across the border MARTIN: Well, the guidebook said it was pretentious.
FRASIER: Perfect! Let's roll! We're running out of time! er, Well, I'm doin g my best, Frasi but we seem to be losing power.
(engine sputtering) What is that noise? What's wrong with the engine? I didn't touch t he emergency brake.
When was the last time you put gas in this thing? Me? I don't even know where the thing is .
to put the gas into.
MARTIN : Oh, no I'm sorry, boys.
It's dying.
I'm going to be lucky to get this off the road.
I can't stand this! Have we so offended the millennium gods that they will do anything to ruin this evening? Burn down our restaurant?! Hurl vindictive lawmen and duplicate Winnebagos in our path to confound us?! Wait, is that a sign? Of course it's a sign! It's a sign that we're cursed! No, no, no, it i s! It's a sign! We're entering Pacific Time Zone! ! FRASIER: Oh, my God ! We're here We made it! We made it, oh! Come on, Eddie.
Oh, 30 seconds to spare! t.
All righ We're rolling! We're rolling backwards! Oh, no! ! No need to panic, Frasier (laughs) We rolled back into Idaho! Follow me! Ten seconds.
ve! Let's look ali .
Damn this foil You can do it, Fras.
Relax and focus.
Three, two, one (cork pops) (laughs) A-ha! We made it! Happy New Year! ! Happy New Year re.
There we a Well, if you ask me Dad.
this beats a dull party.
Family, and good champagne, and a blanket of stars.
! Hear, hear Ah.
t? You know wha ng.
I think this calls for a so Should auld acquaintanc e be forgot (harmonizing): And never brought to mind (coyote howling) (quickly): Should auld acquaintanc e be forgot For auld lang syne.
(howling continues) Hey, baby, I hear the blues a'callin' Tossed salads and scrambled eggs Oh, my And maybe I seem a bit confused Well, maybe, but I got you pegged (laughing) But I don't know what to do With those tossed salad s and scrambled eggs They're callin' again.
Good night, Seattle! We love you!
Oh, hello, Roz.
Happy New Year.
Or should I say, happy new millennium.
Oh, barf.
I'm so sick of talking about it.
Oh, now, Roz, let's not condemn the new millennium just because you woke up in it with a hangover.
That's what ruined church for you.
Decaf latte, please.
I just hate how this arbitrary point on the calendar has become so significant.
And as far m y hangover wen t, it was worth it.
I partied my ass off like a brain-damaged test monkey.
I see.
Well, allow me to congratulate you on your first science-related metaphor.
Thank yo u.
Mm-hmm.
And what did you do? Get all freaky and finish your list of the century's greatest thinkers? No, but my new year's was plenty exciting enough, thank you very much.
Although not exactly in a way I'd planned.
Cancel the millennium.
Chez Henri has burned down! Burned down? NILES: Yes.
Apparently, Henri was caramelizing a huge creme brulee in the shape of Puget Sou nd when a sugar spa rk ignited a 30-foot papier mââche space needle.
They're already calling it the worst centerpiece disaster in the history of Seattle.
Henri built his reputation with that caramelizing torch.
My God.
The irony of him burning down his own restaurant with it.
It's worthy of O.
Henry.
O.
Henri.
Please, Niles, it's too soon to joke.
What exactly are we going to do tomorrow night? Every restaurant in town worth going to has been booked for months.
Well, you know, you can join me and the boys at McGinty's.
It's going to be a lot of fun.
They're going to dye the beer green.
Why would you do that on New Year's Eve? Oh, well, McGinty's going in for a bypass next month, and he's afraid he might not make it out for St.
Patty's Day.
.
This is a disaster No, they'll just pop in another pig valve.
You know, the only reason he needs it is 'cause he eats so much bacon.
So the same thing that's killing him is keeping him alive.
There's your O.
Henry story.
Well, maybe we can just stay in tomorrow night.
On the most significant New Year's Eve of our lifetime? I think not.
I should have ju st gone with Mel.
ing She and her mother are tak oon a hot air ball ry.
through th e wine count Well, not in the balloon, no, but I could've followed along in the recovery vehicle.
Wait a minute.
Speaking of wine, wasn't the wine club having some sort of a party? Yes, at Ken Lauterbach's place in Sun Valley.
Oh, it's a huge event.
Of course! "Auld Lang Wine"! Niles, call and see if we're still invited.
All right, I'm on it.
Bloody hell.
Five days after Christmas is over, and I'm still getting these cards.
They do it on purpose, you know.
It's always from someone you forgot, and then it's too late to send one back.
Then they sneer at you for the rest of the year.
"Peace and goodwill," my ass.
You just lost yourself a customer, Dr.
Naran S.
Gupta, D.
D.
S.
MARTIN : Mm.
Losing a set of English teeth.
He'll feel that.
This is for you from the D.
M.
V.
is.
Oh-ho! I k now what this The custom pla tes I ordered for my Winnebago.
Yay! Well, 50 bucks, but I think it says it all.
Rrrd? Wrrer? Rid worryer? ! Red wearer Oh, for God's sake, "Road Warrior.
" Of course.
For a retired man with a cane and a Winnebago.
I don't know why my mind didn't go straight to it.
! NILES: Huzzah Hello, Daphne.
Ken says he'd lo ve to have us come, r.
and the mo re, the merrie Oh, Niles, that's brilliant.
Dad, please, please, won't you join us? You know what? Say, let's call the travel agent.
Not to rain on your parade, but you may have a tough time getting flights this late.
Donny and I had a devil of a time getting our flight to San Francisco.
, Oh, Daphne they always set aside a few choice seats for Seattle's travel elite.
(horn honking) or! MAN: Pick a lan e, Road Warri MARTIN : See? He got it.
Hey! MARTIN: Ah, being on the road like this is like we're three dusty hoboes sharing a boxcar to parts unknown.
Yes, well, if you don't take this next turn, we'll end up in Californy.
Gee, Niles, you seem a little cranky.
Well, perhaps that's because I rousted out of a warm bed at the crack of dawn and herded onto a Winnebago! Better safe than sorry, Niles.
You know, it's 650 miles to Sun Valley, and half of that's through the mountains.
, By the way how are we going to explain to the wine club our arriving in a Winnebago? es.
Just chalk it off to whimsy, Nil .
" We'll call it our "Van Ordinaire ing You know, besides, I'm actually enjoy d.
this little trip through the heartlan I feel a little bit out of touch with the common man.
It's nice to reconnect.
Well, while you're reconnecting, why don't you let me drive? es.
I-I would, Nil It's just that, um I ne I need you to navigate.
Yeah, you're the most important member of our crew, good buddy.
The man with the map.
Stop patronizing me.
I want to drive.
Oh, you're not good with big cars, Niles.
Remember when I tried to teach you to drive my Le Sabre? You kept panicking and pulling on the emergency break.
Well, it's a good thing I did.
Those mailboxes weren't even slowing me down.
Oh, did you see that sign? Little Red Cabin.
Remember those diners? Home of the logroller: a flank steak wrapped around a combination of eggs, cheese and onions.
You kids used to love eating there.
You'd scream out at me, "Dad, pull over! Quick, pull over!" Actually, Dad, tha t was after we ate.
(humming to classical music) Oh, Niles.
g.
Thought you were sleepin (Martin laughing) I was trying to, but Dad wanted to watch the VCR.
Oh, good Lord.
NotRobin and the Seven Hoodsagain? (Martin laughing) Worse.
(Ã Ã la Austin Powers): Yeah, baby.
Now, that was a shagadelic flick.
You know, Dad, if you're quite done, I think I'll try to take a nap.
Oh, behave.
You know, Dad, e you do realize that the Austin Powers craz .
is completely over Well, I'm sorry.
Do I bore you? Or do I make you randy? FRASIER: Oh (phone ringing) Hello.
Yes, Niles.
n.
I'm driving as smoothly as I ca Any other little driving tips ? you'd like to give me Why don't you just come up here and tell me to my face! Hey, look, another Little Red Cabin sign.
You know, we're not going to find anything better to eat on this highway.
d.
Oh, let's no t be hasty, Da It's five miles away.
We might run over something before then.
You know, I am so tired, I can barely read this menu.
That's all right, Niles, you don't have to read.
You can just poi nt to a picture nt.
of the food you wa MARTIN: What's this? "A logroller with your choice of cheese"? You can't have a logroller without American cheese.
nt Apparently, you can't get anythi ng in this restaura without American cheese.
.
.
including the menu.
Niles, if you're so tired, why don't you go back to the Road Warrior, take a nap? Oh, you know, that's a good idea.
At least it'll be quiet.
I wonder if you can still get sticky shingles here.
One look at the salad bar says yes.
What looks good to you, Fras? Well, actually, Dad, you know, I think I'll have a hamburger.
Would you order that for me, Dad? Yeah.
You going someplace? FRASIER: As a matter of fact, I am.
I'm going to take a chance and reacquaint myself with an old friend of mine: America.
Hello there.
Could I buy you a cup of coffee? You see, I'm just a wandering city mouse trying to get in touch with America.
Now, you, you look like you'd be a farmer.
it.
Oh, I get You see a guy in a rural diner wearing shab by clothes, you pin your littl e label on him.
at? Well, guess wh r, I am a farme but I'm also a beautiful, flawed, complicate d human being, fee and it's going to take more than a cup of cof to get inside here.
I'll just go see how my father's doing.
? So, how was he Beautiful, flawed unpleasant.
Well, according to the map, it's about 300 miles to Sun Valley.
Oh, that's delightful, Dad.
You know what? We'll get there in plenty of time for the party.
Hey, listen, you know, your brother's going to be hungry.
ch.
Maybe we should bring him a sandwi I wouldn't worry about Niles, Dad.
You saw how tired he was.
Let's just let him sleep for the rest of the trip.
You su re? Oh, sure.
It's the most exciting day of the year, Dad.
For God's sakes, you know, when Niles wakes up, I guarantee you the last thing he'd be thinking about is sandwiches.
WOMAN: Oh, my goodness.
Look what I just found in my pocket.
The lighter I borrowed from that waitress in the restaurant.
I feel terrible.
r.
Forget it, Mothe .
We're not taking it back MOTHER: Well, I really think we should just turn around an-and say we're sorry and return it.
MAN: I think we ought to keep it.
Our old one's nearly out of fuel anyway.
MOTHER: That doesn't make it right.
We're still criminals in the eyes of the law.
s MAN: There's a lot worse criminal than you and me.
Remember that last gun show we went to? We must have seen at least three different people swiping boxes of shells.
: There's one thing you can say for us We pay for our ammo.
So, this party tonight-- going to be a lot of shagnificent birds? Dad, I'm begging you.
(phone ringing) Hello.
Niles, will you please stop doing this?! y.
I'm getting a little drows Well, if you'r e so tired, just scootch over-- I'll take the wheel.
ay.
MA N: Ok Yes, yes, hello.
I'm being kidnapped.
This is an emergency.
I'm being kidnapped.
I'm in a stolen Winnebago heading east on I-84.
I can't talk any louder.
I'm being stolen.
Yes, yes.
Washington plates-- R-D-W-R-E-R.
Road Warrior.
Yes, it does.
It does so.
Sound it out.
Never mind.
Oh, for God's sake, just save me.
.
MAN: Oh, I'm I'm getting too sleepy I'm going back for a little lie down.
Okay.
k! Oh, wait , Dad, loo There's another one of those Little Red Cabins.
Why don't we just stop and have some supper first? 'Cause I'm tired, and I'm not hungry.
Clifford.
Well, I guess a sandwich wouldn't kill me.
MOTHER: I feel sort of funny even stopping here.
Sort of like returning me.
to the sce ne of the cri o.
Mother, let it g (doors opening and closing) (engine starts) All right, Eddie.
Let's go sign nature's guest book.
(phone ringing) Hello.
NILES: Frasier? Yes.
Niles.
Put your fears to rest.
I've got Dad's Winnebago back.
Niles, what on earth are you talking about? You must have had a nightmare.
Uh, indeed I have.
But it's over now, and I managed to give the thugs a taste of their own thieving medicine.
(gasps): Niles! Niles, where are you calling from?! From behind the wheel of the Road Warrior.
And doing a damn fine job driving, I might add.
ButI'min the Road Warrior! You got in the wrong car, you idiot! You've stolen a Winnebago! Oh, don't be absurd.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, my God! (tires squealing) (tires screeching) All right, Niles, just keep your head! There's no need to panic! MAN (over bullhorn): This is the police! Exit your vehicle immediately with your hands above your head.
How's that turkey club, Dad? A little dry.
Sorry about the misunderstanding.
These papers all check out, sir.
Well, ry if there's nothing else, we're in a hur ey.
to get to Sun Vall But nottoo much of a hurry.
Well, drive safely.
u.
FRASIER: Thank yo What a clown.
I can tell you ten things he did wrong right off the bat.
Well, at least he was apologetic.
Oh, these hick towns w ill give any bozo a badge.
A goober like th at wouldn't last ten minutes in a real police force without getti ng a promotion.
Your license.
(chuckles) (phone ringing) Hello.
Hello, Frasier.
I've managed to solve the problem.
I returned the Winnebago.
To where? Where are you? Well, I'm in Baker City, Oregon.
Baker City?! Shag me rotten.
That's 300 miles! Niles, we will never get there and then back to Sun Valley before midnight.
Well, I'm not going to ring in the new year in a Little Red Cabin.
All right, all right.
Listen.
The only way we ca n ever pull this off .
is if you can catch a ride in this direction Hold on.
Hold on.
Oh, my gosh.
It's engraved.
Dad, I'm not going to enjoy the rest of this trip until we return that woman's lighter.
Mother, do you expect me to turn around and drive 150 miles back to that Litt le Red Cabin? ng.
We are not goi n.
End of discussio Clifford.
Good news.
I'm on my way.
k All right, Niles s ays he can make it bac .
to the restaurant wher e we first got separated All I have to do now i s turn this boat around.
to the next exit.
I can't wait that long.
Well, you can't do a U-ey on an interstate.
That's 20th-century talk, Dad.
Welcome to the future! (tires screeching) at! God, that felt gre , Wow! This is reall y quite an adventure d? isn't it, Da (siren blaring) w.
MARTIN: It is no Oh, dear God.
MARTIN: All right, just relax, Frasier.
Now, I know cops.
Just let me do the talking.
We'll be out of here in two minutes.
All right, Dad, let's switch.
e.
Well, look who's her ? You boys know what y ou did wrong back there Yeah, yeah, I know.
A U-turn.
Nope.
Called me a goober.
(utensils clattering) s, Oh, Nile I'm so sorry we're late.
Well, well, not to worry.
When you're here at the crossroads of the world, you have the human drama to amuse you.
.
(sighs): Well, Happy New Year, boys Oh, yes, five minutes ago.
Everyone in the world will have a wonderful story to tell about where they were and what they were doing when the millennium dawned.
What isourstory? Speeding along a lonely highway.
And you here, doing nothing.
Well, not exactly nothing.
Big Sandy let me watch the register while she emptied the rat traps.
.
Hey, wait a minute we? Where are Well, Dad, I've never seen a picture of the official middle of nowhere, but ere Yeah, yeah, yeah, but the middle of nowh ht? Mountain Time, rig It's still only Which can't be more than 45 minutes from here.
ne Right.
We ca n cross the li r! and toast in the new year togethe Dad, that's brilliant! And there was a delightful- looking little restaurant .
just across the border MARTIN: Well, the guidebook said it was pretentious.
FRASIER: Perfect! Let's roll! We're running out of time! er, Well, I'm doin g my best, Frasi but we seem to be losing power.
(engine sputtering) What is that noise? What's wrong with the engine? I didn't touch t he emergency brake.
When was the last time you put gas in this thing? Me? I don't even know where the thing is .
to put the gas into.
MARTIN : Oh, no I'm sorry, boys.
It's dying.
I'm going to be lucky to get this off the road.
I can't stand this! Have we so offended the millennium gods that they will do anything to ruin this evening? Burn down our restaurant?! Hurl vindictive lawmen and duplicate Winnebagos in our path to confound us?! Wait, is that a sign? Of course it's a sign! It's a sign that we're cursed! No, no, no, it i s! It's a sign! We're entering Pacific Time Zone! ! FRASIER: Oh, my God ! We're here We made it! We made it, oh! Come on, Eddie.
Oh, 30 seconds to spare! t.
All righ We're rolling! We're rolling backwards! Oh, no! ! No need to panic, Frasier (laughs) We rolled back into Idaho! Follow me! Ten seconds.
ve! Let's look ali .
Damn this foil You can do it, Fras.
Relax and focus.
Three, two, one (cork pops) (laughs) A-ha! We made it! Happy New Year! ! Happy New Year re.
There we a Well, if you ask me Dad.
this beats a dull party.
Family, and good champagne, and a blanket of stars.
! Hear, hear Ah.
t? You know wha ng.
I think this calls for a so Should auld acquaintanc e be forgot (harmonizing): And never brought to mind (coyote howling) (quickly): Should auld acquaintanc e be forgot For auld lang syne.
(howling continues) Hey, baby, I hear the blues a'callin' Tossed salads and scrambled eggs Oh, my And maybe I seem a bit confused Well, maybe, but I got you pegged (laughing) But I don't know what to do With those tossed salad s and scrambled eggs They're callin' again.
Good night, Seattle! We love you!