The Middle s07e12 Episode Script

Hey, there, Mr.
intern.
Lookin' sharp.
Well, you dress for the job you want, not the job you have.
- What job do you have? - No idea.
- What job do you want? - I don't know.
Something cool, I guess.
- Hm.
- Ahh.
The e-mail from little Betty says I'll be working in product development, so I assume I'll be brainstorming new ideas for snack cakes.
Hmm.
You know, if you throw a few snack cakes in your bag and bring them home, I could help you brainstorm while I'm watching "salmonella ruined my wedding.
" I'm not stealing for you.
This job is about one thing Escaping this soulless, zombie, blue-collar prison you two are stuck in.
We're counting on you, son! I told you we inspired him.
All this time we thought we were failures, turns out we're a cautionary tale.
We're like a "scared straight" program.
To quote Gandhi, "an eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.
" Bringing it home with Gandhi.
Never a bad idea.
"'A recipe for peace in the middle east, ' by Sue Heck.
Take one cup of understanding, two dashes of kindness, and a heaping tablespoon of love.
" "Sweeten with a dollop of compassion, and stir in a generous amount of compromise" Uh, you know what? I-I-I-I think w-we're running out of time, so I-I'm gonna go ahead and have you stop right there.
Great work, everybody.
Let's pick this up Thursday.
Sue, you want to hang back for a second? Yeah.
Hey, so, I just I want to talk to you about your paper for a minute.
Sure.
I think your approach, while interesting, uh, I think might have just come off a little bit superficial.
That's because you didn't hear the ending.
"Reduce heat, remove from pan, smother with love, and slice thin so there is a 'peace' for everybody.
" Yeah.
Yeah, I-I yeah, I think that That maybe your paper just needs a-a little more substance.
Like more ingredients? Sue, let me ask you something.
Why are you here? Because you told me to stay after class.
No, I mean w-why did you come to college? Because I graduated high school.
Right.
Uh, I just I guess I mean why why are you here? You know, what what do you want to learn? What do you want to accomplish? Is this a test question? See, I'd say that most people, they come to college because they want to expand their world view, become critical thinkers.
Oh.
Oh, that's good.
That's good.
I'm gonna write that down.
Oh, no.
No, no.
I'll tell you what.
I'm gonna give you another shot at this, okay, but I really want what is inside of you to inform this paper, okay? Avoid all the surfacy stuff and get into the the complexity of the situation.
You know, really, uh really dig deep.
Got it.
But still keep it in the recipe format? - Nope.
- Got it.
Got it.
So, this is your desk.
The phone systems are pretty standard.
To forward a call, you just hit "transfer," dial the extension, and hang up.
Oh, ho, ho! Wow! Look at this.
Hello, Axl Heck.
Hold my calls.
I've always wanted to say that.
Diver down! Sloop! We should probably introduce you to Mr.
Kershaw.
Okay.
I'll say it again in English.
- Is this the new intern? - Uh, yes, sir.
Axl Heck.
Yeah, I don't need to know your name.
We've got a product-development meeting in 10 minutes! So why don't you hop like a bunny and take everyone's coffee order? Barry back there likes his with soy.
Do not screw that one up or we'll all pay for it.
I've got a pair of wing-tips that need some tlc, so when you're done with the coffee, let me know.
And by "me," of course I mean my secretary.
You and I may never speak again.
Man: Medium.
Two medium lattes.
You got a photographic memory, son? 'Cause if not, you better grab a pen, start jotting some of this down.
- Almond-milk latte.
- Yeah, a decaf latte.
Triple venti soy - Uh-huh.
- Nofoam latte.
No foam with a lot of triple venti.
Oh, hey, Cindy.
Brick's not here.
I know.
I was hoping to speak to you alone.
Please, sit down.
I kissed another boy and I need you to tell Brick.
The way you handle this will be key in determining the future of Brick's and my relationship.
Keep me in the loop.
Whoo! Look what smile superstars sent me.
It's my new smock.
Isn't it nice? I think they must have a real designer, because this is very flattering.
Huh.
Really? That's it? That's all I get? This is as excited as I can get about smocks.
That was the world's suckiest day.
Ugh! All they had me do was get coffee for everybody.
I mean, look at this.
Venti iced non-fat one-pump no-whip mocha? And no one even said thanks.
They just pointed me to the next crappy job.
I got to tell you, one day in the real world made me realize how much you are gonna have to step up and take care of me.
Yeah, that's not gonna happen.
Why not? I'm so tired.
- Yeah.
- Ugh.
All right.
Come on, Axl.
You got coffee for a few people.
You didn't build the railroads.
But all they had me do was grunt work.
I didn't get to sit in on any meetings or pitch any of my snack-cake ideas or ride the little Betty jet.
Do you know how long I worked today? Eight hours! I know what a job is.
I've been going to one for the last 30 years.
Oh, yeah? Did you ever have to work and go to college at the same time? No.
I had to work and raise three children.
So no.
Listen, Axl, I don't want to hear it.
Work is work.
At some point, everyone in the world has to do it, so stop complaining.
Jump in any time here, Mike.
Work is work.
Listen to your mother.
But it's so ha-hard! Hey, Brick.
When's the last time you talked to your girlfriend? We don't talk that much, if you know what I mean.
I'm usually reading.
Well, you might want to check in with her.
You're so lucky you're still young.
Enjoy childhood while you can! Frankie: It was the first day of the Orson branch of Smile Superstars International, and everything was Tablet: You are now five minutes behind.
How is that possible? I've been working my butt off.
You are now six minutes behind.
Then I said, "I don't know a polar ice cap from a bottle cap, but if this is global warming, sign me up!" Hey, chatty, we're only allowed 20 minutes per patient, so let's go.
We got to turn 'em and burn 'em.
Well, but shooting the breeze with the patients is the reason I became a dentist.
I'm not saying you have to stop doing it, just do it quicker.
Um, uh, anyway, y'all have a good day.
Uh, nice shoes, sorry about your mom, and text me that banana-cake recipe.
Excuse me, I've been waiting for 45 minutes.
Oh, sorry.
My tablet's frozen.
Technology.
What are you gonna do, huh? Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for a smile superstars dance break! Tonight is tonight tomorrow's tomorrow Believing, believing Come on! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go Did you talk to Brick yet? No.
Get.
It.
Done.
"After 12 days of negotiations, menachem begin and anwar El-sadat signed the camp David accords on September 17, 1978, which led to them receiving the nobel peace prize on December 10, 1978.
" That really happened.
I know.
I know.
I Here's the thing.
I'm having the same problem with this paper that I had with the last one, is that it it doesn't address how you feel.
Now, answer this question for me.
Why do you think people create conflict? Because they haven't found their best selves yet.
And why do you think there's pain and suffering? So we can appreciate joy at its highest level.
I'm gonna give you another crack at this paper, okay? Remember, the thing that I'm trying to get you to do here is really hone your critical thinking.
But I'm not a critical person.
Y are you sure you didn't like my first essay? 'Cause I really feel like I was closer with the recipe thing.
I didn't like the recipe thing.
But did you get what I was going for? I did.
'Cause I remember you said there were parts that you liked, and I just feel like if you lose the recipe, then you lose the whole understanding thing.
And if you pull that thread, then it all comes out.
I want it to all come out, Sue.
I don't want gimmicks.
I don't want you to regurgitate facts.
I just I want to know what you think.
I want you to crack yourself open.
- You mean like an om - No food.
Mm-hmm.
- But - No.
Rough day at the office? All I did was file things.
I got like a billion paper cuts.
This place is a turkish prison with a delicious assortment of pastries.
Plus, I got this crick in my neck from answering 8,000 phone calls.
I am so underutilized! I'm a business major.
I know major amounts of business.
Now I got to go back again tomorrow and do it all over again.
Could you imagine doing the same thing every day? Kind of thing that would make a man drink.
I had the worst day.
- Uh-huh.
- That office is insane now.
They put a coupon in the paper, and then they're surprised when we get behind.
Hello? This is a coupon town.
I'm telling you, if this is how it's gonna go, I'm not gonna last.
I'm exhausted.
Call me crazy, but that sounds an awful lot like complaining.
Let me finish.
I'm exhausted from all the satisfaction I get from a job well done.
Oh, yeah.
Got a sec? Hmm.
Look, you're only in sixth grade - Eighth.
- Eighth.
Don't you think that's a little young to be tied down in a relationship? No way.
I love having a girlfriend.
Right, but you want to keep your options open.
What options? It's a miracle I landed Cindy.
She's like a needle in the world's largest haystack.
Look, Brick, I-I don't know how to sugarcoat this, so I'm just gonna rip the band-aid off.
Cindy kissed another guy.
What?! When did this happen? I'm not sure.
Well, who'd she kiss? Was it Seymour? Him and his big, shiny orthopedic shoe.
He thinks he's such a ladies man.
Wait, how do you know this? Cindy told me a few days ago.
And you're just telling me now?! What'd she say? Does she want to break up with me? I don't know.
You don't know? You just come in here and drop a bomb like this and all you've got is "I don't know"?! - Well, I-I-I - Well, I-I-I-I You got to have my back here! When mom flirted with that bag boy, I got his name and his Walmart I.
D.
Number.
Look, Brick, I didn't ask to be involved in this.
Well, you're in it now.
You can't just give me this half-baked information.
You got to go back there and get me some answers! No way.
I'm out, Brick.
She kicked my car.
Yeah, she's unpredictable.
That's one of the things I find exciting about her.
Well, look, you're in the seventh grade - Eighth.
- Eighth.
My point is that you can handle this by yourself.
You don't need me.
Good talk.
Want the door open or closed? I'll close it.
Activist: This tree has been here for hundreds of years, and now they want to tear it down to put up a java Jerry's.
Do we really need another corporation - who are bankrupting America? - Hi.
- And when we - Hi.
Sorry.
I-I-I don't mean to interrupt your tirade, but I couldn't help noticing that you're a very deep person.
Were you always that way, or is that something you had to learn? I see your coffee cup, tree murderer! Corporate stooge! You can't run away from your hypocrisy! Shame! Shame! Woman: Thank you for holding You got me the wrong lunch.
What a fulfilling day.
He's not home.
Thank god.
I am exhausted.
Ugh, my god.
Work sucks.
Oh! Rub my feet.
I'm not rubbing your smelly feet.
Come on, Mike, please? All right.
Mm.
Oh, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Mmhmm.
Oooh, yeah.
Ooh.
Really get your thumbs in there.
Ugh, I hate my job.
They made it sound so great at the convention with all the incentives and prizes.
Yeah.
I thought you were gonna win us an escalade.
Pfft! Fat chance.
Our office is 104th in the nation.
Yeah, we're back to winning the lottery or you finding a diamond at the quarry.
God, it sucks, Mike.
I thought my last job was bad.
This job is baaaa etter than ever.
Don't ask.
Professor Grant, I'm sorry.
I just can't give you what you want.
And believe me, I tried.
I talked to a crazy guy.
I watched an Anderson Cooper marathon.
I stayed up all night listening to Joni Mitchell albums.
What are you talking about? Look, I know you think being deep is important, but I think other things are important.
Like seeing the best in people, and believing that the human spirit is what gives us the gift to face the world with curiosity and optimism.
It's nothing personal.
You are obviously very deep and intelligent and a little bit handsome, and that's great, but you just can't take someone who has thought one way their whole life and convince them to think your way.
I am never gonna understand your side of things, and you are never gonna understand mine.
And the more you force me to do it, the angrier I am gonna get, and we are just gonna go at each other forever! It's never gonna work! That's it.
Right there.
What's it? Right where? That's the crack I was talking about.
Really? Yes, yes! That's the passion I wanted to see.
I want you to argue with me.
Take a stand.
Paint a painting.
Go and see a band that you thought you hated.
That's what college is about.
Do it.
I will.
I will do it.
Right now.
And I am not saying that to be agreeable.
I get it.
I get it! We will argue later.
Turns out, there was a recipe after all.
With a dash of enlightenment and a scoop of tough love, Sue cracked herself open and found more than just rainbows and unicorns.
It was still mostly rainbows and unicorns, 'cause let's face it, Sue is always gonna be Sue.
Sure, look up in the sky and ignore all the problems down here! Sheep! Baaaa! I know you said don't ask, but I have to ask.
Why do you have a bird? Why do I have a bird? I have a bird because apparently, when you're a businessman, you get to do lots of important stuff, like, uh, picking up your boss' crap from the dry-cleaners.
But when he forgets to give you his ticket, you get to spend a half-hour trying to convince "Dave the manager" that you're not trying to steal your boss' golf shirts, which makes you late to the vet, where you're taking his sick bird, but the guy won't take the bird because it's one minute after 6:00, so you get to go to the pharmacy where you beg them to give you the bird's medicine which, they inform you, has to be applied every two hours to the bird's butt.
But what they don't tell you is where on the bird is the butt.
This is officially the lowest moment of my life.
There will be others.
No! Marshmallow! - Oh, damn it! - See? Ohh! This is all your fault! What are you talking about? I'll show you what I'm talking about.
Axl Heck, star student of the week.
Boom.
Exhibit "a.
" "I will be a rock star during the week and an astronaut on the weekends.
" Now that I'm older, I realize I should have reversed that, but you helped me with this.
All through elementary school and middle school was "you can be anything you want to be, Axl.
Don't be afraid to dream big, Axl.
" Then I hit high school and you pull the rug out from under me! I wanted to start a t-shirt line.
I wanted to be a reality star.
And now, thanks to you, I'm stuck in a dead-end job for the rest of my life.
Axl, you're just an intern.
This is not what you're gonna be doing forever.
Um, it's a little late to apply to astronaut school, so I think it is.
Look at this.
"Who are your heroes? Mommy, daddy, and spongebob.
" Guess it's just spongebob now.
Searching for a lost bird was really the pickle on the crap sandwich that was my day.
Okay.
Now, where were we? No.
Oh, come on! Give me some sugar.
Eh, I'd rather do the bird ointment.
Ahh.
Hey, what is the deal with Axl? Everything out of his mouth is either negative or a complaint.
Well, you would know.
What's that supposed to mean? Well, I'm just saying that you and Axl are pretty much the same person.
What? You're out of your mind.
All I'm saying is he comes home whining, you come home whining I do not come home whining.
"The tablets don't work.
It's hard.
There's too many patients.
It's hard.
There's no desk to sleep under.
It's hard.
" I'm sorry.
Would you prefer I not share my day with you? I didn't know that was an option.
Whatever, Mike.
You know, you're not gonna make me feel bad.
Everybody brings their work home with them.
I don't.
Last week, an earthmover rolled over my foot.
I didn't say a word.
All my toes are completely black.
- You want to see? - Uh, I'll take your word for it.
Axl and I are not alike in any way.
I happen to be a very positive person.
I know.
You're very positive that all your pie-in-the-sky ideas are gonna work out.
And when they don't, you complain and give up.
I do not have pie-in-the-sky ideas.
Really? How's that jewelry line coming? You ever get Oprah to try on your earrings? For your information, I have some feelers out to locate her exact address.
Okay, well, maybe when you do, you should send her one of Axl's buttronaut t-shirts that were gonna make him famous.
Maybe I will.
I think they look great with the earrings.
Look, I'm just pointing out that you and Axl are kind of the drama queens of the house.
You know what, Mike? I don't even know why I'm arguing with you.
If you think Axl and I are alike, I am gonna take that as a compliment, because I love my son, and he has a lot of great qualities.
You sit here in silence with your stoic, black-toed army, and I will be hanging with the dreamers.
What are you doing up? Axl: Marshmallow, just sit still! Ow! That bird is not a fan of his medicine.
Dad, I'm sorry I yelled at you about the whole Cindy thing.
It wasn't your fault.
You were just the messenger.
Ah, don't take it so hard, Brick.
You you've got a lot of life left.
It's fine.
I just thought you'd get what I was going through 'cause you always talk about that girl.
You know, the one whose house you always rode over to on your bike? Ah, Debbie Sullivan.
Yep.
She had the greatest hair.
At Christmas, she used to put jingle bells in her ponytail.
Man, she was something.
Here's the thing, Brick.
When it comes to women, there are no easy answers.
I don't know much, but I've picked up a few things over the years.
Even though you're only in - Eighth.
- Eighth I was gonna say eighth grade, women, in my opinion, are somewhat interested in what you have to say or what you think, but they're definitely interested in what you feel.
There's nothing like a father/son talk.
Of course, Brick didn't use a word of Mike's advice.
He decided it was easier just to pay Cindy 10 bucks to never kiss another boy again.
But nothing beats a mother/son talk.
Ohh.
So, how was your day? You do not want to know.
Actually, I do.
Hm.
I just had this whole picture in my head of what it was gonna be like, and it's just not it.
I got all these ideas, and my boss just doesn't want to hear them.
I know what you mean.
One time, I told Mr.
Ehlert this idea I had for a labor day promotion, and he said, "I got an idea.
Why don't you hose down that Camry? I think a raccoon gave birth in the wheel well.
" Mm.
Ooh, you pick out the almonds, too, huh? Yeah.
I like the almond flavor, but the nuts, they're just too much chewing.
Yeah, right? Like, why did they have to complicated things? We don't need any heroes.
Just give us the ice cream.
Yep.
You know, we should open an ice-cream store together.
We would crush an ice-cream store.
Plus, I'm taking econ now, so I can run the money side of things.
Yeah, but you have such great personality that we would want that out front.
Mm, you'd definitely want this out front.
You know what would be another great flavor of ice cream? Chips and dip.
Would there be actual chips in it? No, no, no, no, no, no.
Just the flavor.
You don't want chips in your ice cream.
Mm.
Yeah, 'cause salty and sweet is, like, the big thing now.
Yeah.
It would have, like, a saltiness to it.
Just throw it together.