Home Improvement s07e15 Episode Script

Oh, honey, this is gonna be a great day! The steering column showed up for the hot rod.
I'll pop open the champagne.
Am I ever gonna experience a wife who savors the thrill of a new auto part? Not till you re-marry.
- Hi.
- Hi, Marty.
How are you doing? - Marty.
- You got the steering column! We install this today, maybe get to the turning indicators.
Great.
Before we start, can I ask you guys a favor? - Sure.
What's up? - It's our anniversary next week.
Nancy and I want to weekend at Houghton Lake.
Oh, it's so romantic there.
Oh, especially this time of year.
Mmm, Houghton Lake.
Walking hand-in-hand across a frozen lake, 30 below zero.
Wind chill, 90 below zero.
You can just admire each other's snot-sicles.
Could you get any grosser, do you think? - Give me some time.
- All right.
Mom said she'd baby-sit the twins.
But both of them's a little much.
- Could you take Gracie? - Absolutely! Great, we love having the girls here.
- Hi, Uncle Marty.
- Hey, Mark.
I'm going to the mall.
I'll be back soon.
OK, honey.
Tim? Is Mark wearing black lipstick? It goes with everything.
Look at all this cool stuff I borrowed for my play time with Gracie.
Look at all the cool stuff I got for my play time with Brad.
We're gonna put the gauges in the dash panels today.
- Oh.
- Well, Auto Boy, ready to do some work? Something came up.
I talked to Samantha, I'm gonna go meet her at the mall.
What about the dash panels? Well, let me see, a beautiful blonde goddess who loves me, or dash panels? And gauges.
Adios.
What's that all about? He promised to help work on the car, and he bails? Oh, Tim, when you were his age, which did you want to be with? A girl, or Oh, never mind.
- Hey, Gracie.
- Just in time.
How are you doing, man? Here she is.
Here's the guest of honor and some of her stuff.
Hey, sweetie.
Ready to spend the weekend with me and Uncle Tim? I think so.
OK, here's her stuff.
- Here's emergency numbers.
- OK.
- Here's the rundown.
No candy.
- No candy.
No soft drinks.
No bedtime stories until she's brushed her teeth.
- Honey, are you getting this? - I got it.
And don't let her watch any more Tool Time.
It gives her nightmares.
Me, too.
Nap between 2:00 and 4:00, don't let her sleep more than two hours - or she'll keep you up.
- I got it under control.
I've got all these fun activities planned for us.
We're gonna have a tea party, play dress-up.
Dress-up? That'll be so much fun 'cause I've got this darling off-the-shoulder number to die for.
- Have a great time up at the lake.
- OK, thanks.
OK, honey.
I'll see you in two sleeps.
Be a good girl for your Aunt Tim and Uncle Jill.
I think he means Uncle Tim and Aunt Jill.
Oh, right.
I was thinking of you playing dress-up.
These suitcases are so heavy.
Do you have rocks in here? Yes.
- I'll take her stuff upstairs.
- OK.
So, do you want to introduce me to your animal friends? No.
They're shy.
That explains why they're so quiet.
Excuse me, honey just a second.
Hello? Oh, hi, Dr.
Ashley.
Yes.
Actually, I did sort of have plans.
Yeah.
Well, OK.
I'll see what I can do.
All right.
Bye.
Tim! Jill! One of the therapists didn't show up for her group at 11:00.
- Can you cover for me? - I've never done therapy before.
But how hard can it be? I mean, can you cover for me with Gracie? By myself? Tim, you raised three kids.
I raised three boys.
This is a girl.
I don't know about girls.
Everything is the same as with boys.
You read to them.
You feed them.
- Is she potty trained? - She's four years old.
Well, Marty wasrt potty trained until he was, like, nine.
And I still think he's wearing something at night.
Thank you.
No.
Leave the girl alone.
Give me my bamboo.
My bamboo.
Oh, Mr.
Panda, thank you so much from saving me from Mr.
Monkey.
Oh, don't thank me.
Thank Mr.
Tiger.
That's Mr.
Lion Cub.
Sorry.
I've never been a lion cub before.
Well, I have.
You know, I gotta tell you, it's a tough gig.
Everyone expects you to be king.
- Hi, Randy.
- Hi, Gracie.
Cousin Randy, you play with Cousin Gracie, so Uncle Tim can go play with Mr.
Hot Rod? Well, uh, Cousin Randy would love to, but I gotta spend a couple hours with Uncle Chemistry and Aunt Algebra.
- See you later.
- OK.
What do you want to do now, Uncle Tim? Hmm.
Hey, I got an idea! Why don't we ask Mr.
Gorilla what he wants to do? OK.
No! Really? - Mr.
Gorilla wants to play hot rod.
- He does? Tell her.
Love the hot rod.
Love the hot rod.
Now, this is what Uncle Tim likes to play with.
- Cool.
- That's right.
'46 Ford convertible.
- Wow! - Wow is right.
I've got it lowered, independent rear suspension.
Motor City Flathead in Ypsilanti built me the motor.
- Neat! - Yeah! Look at this.
It's a convertible.
So we can sit in here.
It might start to rain.
I suppose a girl like you would like to put the top up? - Yeah.
- This button right here, flip it up.
Hey, now I got an idea! You and Mr.
Gorilla go by the workbench, hand me tools, I'll finish the dash panel? - Let me ask Mr.
Gorilla.
- Don't.
He wants to have a tea party.
I'll be the princess and you be the queen.
You want me to be the queen? OK but if I take you to the hardware store, this never happened, OK? Here's your crown.
My crown, huh? All right, Princess Gracie, we'll have ourselves a spot of tea.
It's very hot.
Now, don't burn yourself.
After our tea, maybe we'll take the Corgis out for a walk and a wee-wee.
Princess Gracie, is there something you'd like to eat with your tea? A cookie.
You want a cookie? We only have muffins.
Hold on a minute.
Squire, the good princess wants a cookie! Now, what would Her Royal Figidness like to have? How about a lobotomy? Well, look who's here.
It's the village idiot.
Off with his head! Now go! Run! Get his head! Go! Go! Run! "'Rabbit, let's bounce together.
' Rabbit couldn't believe his ears.
'Me, bounce? ' he said.
'Well, sure,' said Tigger.
'You got the feet for it.
"' I wouldn't call those "feet.
" I would've called those "gunboats.
" Those are big feet.
No wonder he can bounce them.
I mean, these feet are gigantic.
These are Looks like somebody else lost their bounce, huh? Let's lie down.
Tim? Where are you? Tim? Oh, adorable Was I drooling? No.
You just fell asleep with Gracie.
She looks so sweet.
Well, she may look sweet, but don't play Candyland with her.
She marks her cards.
So, how'd it go? Well, we had a tea party, played with the stuffed animals, read some books.
It was one of the best afternoons of my life.
- Oh, yeah, right.
- I'm serious.
She's really cool, you know? She's different than the boys.
They want to roughhouse.
She has stories to tell.
She even liked my Queen Mum.
I'm glad you had a good afternoon together.
- We had a great afternoon.
- All right.
I started thinking about what we missed by not having a daughter.
This from the man who used a magnifying glass on every one of my sonograms, praying for a prenatal winkie? Well, that was then, you know.
This is now.
It just took me a little while to figure out how cool little girls were.
- I like this new side of you.
- Yeah? - Yeah, it's sweet.
- Really? - Yeah.
It's kinda sexy.
- Hold that thought.
- There's something I've been thinking.
- Mmm, yeah? Let's have a daughter.
Excuse me.
Did you Did you say "daughter?" I say let's be open to the possibility.
There is no possibility.
You had a vasectomy.
They can be reversed.
Or better yet, what if we had sex every day? If we had sex every day, then maybe one of my little guys who's been hiding is ready to make his move.
Tim, you obviously haven't thought this through.
- I want us to think it through.
- OK.
OK, we will.
All right.
- Suppose one of these guys - Let's call him, uh, "Bob.
" What is gonna guarantee that "Bob" - is gonna get us a girl? - Bob won't let us down.
Bob let us down three times! That wasrt Bob.
That was Steve.
And And if we want to make sure, we we could adopt.
Tim Tim, just listen to yourself.
You spend one afternoon with a niece and all of a sudden you want a baby? - Because I thought it would be fun.
- Fun? Fun, we'd build a room to keep her.
Think.
This is a child, not a Corvette.
Yeah.
But I wouldn't love her any less, I tell you that.
All those years ago when we decided not to have any other children, I re-routed my whole life.
You know, I have a career now.
- Maybe we can work around that.
- Honey a child is a lifelong commitment.
I don't want to work around a child.
Are you shutting the door on this? I think it is so great that you're having all these feelings.
I just don't really want another child.
I think if you think about it for a while, you're gonna feel the same way.
Well, I can speak for me, but I can't speak for Bob.
Welcome back to Hobby Week.
Yesterday we showed you how to build this doll house I built for my nieces.
And today the focus is on furniture.
That's right.
And to build tiny furniture, you need a tiny tool.
Who knows more about a tiny tool? Tim.
Well, I used a Binford 61 miniature scroll saw to cut the pieces for my little table.
We modeled it in the Chippendale style.
Actually, at this size, it would be perfect for Chip 'r Dale.
Well, Heidi and I used the Binford 61 miniature lathe to shape the post for our canopy bed.
When using small tools, it's a great idea to use magnifying glasses so you can see what you're doing.
I can actually see the cameramars brain from here.
While these guys finish the posts, I'm gonna use more glue on my table top here.
Now, the great thing about these microtools is that they allow you to shape your posts almost effortlessly.
All right, Heidi, why don't you finish that up while we, uh, check in with Tim.
- Tim, you OK? - Mm-hmm.
Yes.
- Where's the dining-room table? - Here.
All right.
Now Well, let go.
Wait.
What happened to all those chairs? We'll be right back after these words from Binford.
Hey, guys.
Did, um, any of you see Tool Time today? Unfortunately, yes.
Dad's lost it.
Yeah, it was his second girlie Tool Time in a row.
What's next, a Pantyhose Week? Or a "Salute to Feminine Hygiene"? I don't know about you, but I stop watching the day Dad turns to Al and says, "Do you feel fresh?" - Hi, everybody.
- Hi.
Hey, Dad.
So, how many more shows are you planning on doing about dolls? Oh, two.
Doll Patio Furniture and The Best of Hot Rod Barbie, huh? Guys, guys, just go wash up for dinner.
What's with them? I can't believe you're still on this.
You know, you gotta get a grip.
You're obsessed with this daughter stuff.
You know, that's what the lady at the adoption agency said.
I should be open to a boy.
But then I explained about the boys we have, she understood.
You went to an adoption agency? No, no.
I just called a few on my lunch hour.
I wouldn't do that without you.
Well, that's good because I don't want to go to an adoption agency.
I don't want to have another child.
If you need time to think, take all the time you want.
OK no.
And I want you to take this "no" seriously this time.
If I took it seriously every time you said no, we wouldn't have any kids.
Is everything all right over there? Oh.
Hey, Tim.
How's it going, bro? Hi, Willow.
What's with the fire? Uncle Wilson built this for some sacred Hindu ritual.
But I'm using it to dry my nail polish.
This color's called Back to the Fuchsia.
When you little girls paint your nails, you're so cute.
I'm 26 and I got a fungus under my thumbnail like you wouldn't believe.
You were probably cute when you were little.
Yeah.
But then there was that awkward period between three and twenty-five.
Speaking of periods, I'm starting to bloat Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Wilson! Willow, Vince is on the phone.
He wants to stop by after he visits his parole officer.
- Cool.
- Parole officer? Well, this boyfriend's better than the last one.
At least he's out.
This is great, though.
You get to spend time with your niece.
I get to spend time with mine.
She's making me want to have a daughter.
I thought in your case, that was no longer an option.
Well, you can reverse a vasectomy.
- Well, what about Jill? - She's not reversible.
Are you serious about having another child at this point in your life? I don't know what's come over me.
I really don't.
Everything changed the moment I spent time with Gracie.
- Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
- Instead of wanting to play G.
I.
Joes and cap guns, I feel like making cute things, you know? We had a We had a tea party.
A tea party, you say? Delightful! Quite, quite.
Yes, it was.
- I used to think boys were the ticket! - Right.
But, boy, Gracie's so different.
She's got such an imagination, you know? She brought out the queen in me.
No, no, no, no That's a whole other direction right there.
Whoa! I don't know why this is.
You know, I spend a lot of time with my nieces.
- Maybe it's because they're older.
- Maybe it's you getting older.
You know, in the words of Oliver Wendell Holmes, "Men are like peaches and pears.
They grow sweet a little while before they begin to decay.
" - Hmm.
- Hmm.
So, you're saying I'll get soggy before I rot.
No.
I'm saying you're able to appreciate a side of life you never could before.
But what about this idea about me having a daughter? Well, Tim, if you like to build cute things and you like to have tea parties, you can always have them with your nieces.
Maybe you're right.
And that way I can avoid that unpleasant diaper-changing phase.
Zero to eight.
- I want to talk about something.
- I'm afraid to ask.
What about? I want to talk about what Sherlock Wendell Holmes said, all right? The reason men want daughters is because they're like rotten peaches.
I should just play with my pears.
It would be better for all concerned if you didn't father any more children.
I don't have to.
When I miss having a daughter, I can spend time with Gracie and Claire.
Well, that's a great idea! When our kids grow up, are married, maybe they'll crank out a couple chicks.
Well, I hope they do some of that "cranking.
" I sure would like to have some granddaughters.
Grandparents have the best of all worlds.
They can play with the kid, - when trouble starts - Pass that kid right off to the parent and bolt for the Early Bird Special at the IHOP.
Well, we're a long way from being grandparents.
I'm glad.
Because it gives me more time to play with you.
Oh, yeah.
Big girls are fun.
Mm-hmm.
What's that Bob doing tonight? He's all tied up.
All right.
The fuse panel's in place.
Marty, hand me the sockets.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
OK.
Perfect.
OK, girls.
I've tightened down the fuse panel.
And now, how would you guys like to watch Uncle Tim and your dad wire the car from scratch? We should also ask this guy, though.
I am Buzz Lightyear.
No, I am Buzz Lightyear.
No, I am Buzz Lightyear.
No, I come in peace.
I come in peace.
No, I come in peace.