Home Improvement s07e16 Episode Script

Welcome to Tool Time on location.
Here we are in Tim's very own backyard.
It's Storm Watch '98! Hi.
I am Tim "The Weatherman" Taylor.
And of course, you all know my assistant, Al "Niño" Borland.
That's right.
We're here to show you how to protect your house and property from the ravages of a winter storm.
It's gonna be a long winter.
Al's mom saw her shadow.
Which is hard to do because she can't see her feet at this point, can she? And later in the week, we expect a huge storm to hit our area.
There's a cold front cruising across the Great Plains.
Gonna collide with a northeaster out of the southwest, causing precipitous weather.
And a small-craft advisory.
In other words, it's going to be windy.
Now, a storm can be devastating.
But there are precautions you can use to protect property.
Right.
Especially those living along the lakes.
Tie down and secure anything that might cause some damage.
The first thing Ha ha ha ha.
Gee, Al, funny as always.
All right, we've already had a very bad ice storm.
What we want to do now to prevent further damage is prune these trees.
That's right.
You want to cut back any rotting or dead wood.
Right.
Or you can recycle that dead wood and build yourself an assistant.
Now in some areas the wind is going to get as high as 60 miles per hour.
It's a good idea to protect your windows by three-quarter-inch plywood.
Hey, guys! Holy moly, guys! You oughta see this branch near Wilsors house.
It's a disaster waiting to happen.
It's got, uh, stress cracks in it.
Big ones Very, uh very similar to the ones I got on this branch here.
Tim, are you OK? We'll be right back with some gazebo repair tips.
- Are you sure you're all right? - Yes, Al.
A big splinter in my butt broke my fall.
Well, here.
Let me give you a hand with that.
Oh, I guess we'll just - Well, hey! What's this? - What's what, Al? Looks like oregano.
Does Jill keep it out here so it stays fresh? Let me see that.
- It's not oregano.
- Tarragon? - This is marijuana.
- Jill cooks with marijuana?! No, you idiot.
Somebody's hiding this out here.
Oh I can't believe I touched this bag! Oh, now my prints are all over it! - Oh, man! - Hey, hey, hey, hey! Calm down! This makes me an accessory.
I could be charged with with possession of illicit drugs! Al, Al, Al, stop, stop! Think for a minute.
You found marijuana on my property.
What does that tell you? I can no longer run for political office.
Yeah.
Bye.
Look what I found.
This is a joke, right? Is this what I think it is? It was taped to the underside of the seat out there.
- Oh, my God! It's marijuana.
- That's right.
Do you think that this belongs to one of our boys? Well, not unless we have a chipmunk that has glaucoma.
You never know! There's other possible explanations.
Could be one of your crew.
They could've hid it.
My crew doesn't smoke pot! You can't be high when you do a show like Tool Time.
Look at the quality precision.
We gotta face this.
This is our kids.
I know.
You're probably right.
Oh, God! Oh, God! OK, just stay calm.
We gotta think about this.
Which one is it? - Has any of them been acting strange? - All of them.
Have you noticed anybody eating any more than usual? - All of them.
- What about smelling funny? All of them.
Well, this is it.
They've formed a can'tel.
When they get home from school, we'll just have to sit them down and ask them.
They're not gonna come clean.
It'll drive the user further underground.
- We may never find out who's using.
- What should we do? - We gotta trap them.
- Trap them? It's Friday night.
Whoever owns this is gonna want it for the weekend.
My guys fix the seat.
I put it back.
We go to Wilsors house.
We watch the guilty party come and nab him.
I don't know.
I don't like the idea of spying on my own children.
There's your mistake, thinking of them as children.
If we love them, we gotta think of them as potential felons.
Don't call my babies "felons.
" I said "potential felons.
" Let me try the stakeout, please? All right.
If this doesn't work, we're gonna be honest with them.
- And what if that doesn't work? - We grill them, shake them down.
Eventually one of them will crack.
Don't say "crack.
" - I don't believe this.
- I don't either.
It's ten degrees here.
No, no.
Brad is picking his fingernail with a fork.
- That's disgusting.
- No, this is really disgusting.
- He put the fork back in the drawer.
- Gross! - Here's some hot chocolate.
- Oh, thank you, Wilson.
You're out here all the time.
Ever see the kids do anything suspicious? I haven't ever seen a thing.
I find it hard to believe any of the boys would experiment with cannabis.
My boys aren't flesh eaters.
I just don't get it.
We have been so much more open with them than our parents were with us.
- We communicated with them.
- We respected them.
Where did we go wrong? Hello? Remember the dad? I'm sorry, Tim, just sometimes I tend to think of your children as my own.
We should've prepared them better, shared more of our concerns about drugs.
- Mmm.
- We shared up the yin-yang! We should've been tougher on them! If it were up to you, we'd never let them out of their rooms.
That's right.
A couple of good, substantial police locks, hungry rottweilers sitting out there.
I've read about kids and drugs.
But it never really hit home until it happened in my own backyard.
It's ironic, isn't it? First we rebel against the authority figure.
- Then we are the authority figure.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! - Our dope fiend is making his move.
- Which one is it? - It's Brad.
- No, not Brad.
That's right.
He's making his move.
He's going for his coat.
I knew it couldn't be our first-born.
It's been two hours.
I'm freezing.
I want to go inside.
Hold on wait, wait, wait! - What? - Randy.
Walking through the living room, opening the yard door.
Not sweet little Randy.
Don't let baby face fool you.
He's got "pothead" written all over his face.
- He's reaching to pick up something.
- The drugs? - No.
It's his boots.
- I knew it wasrt him.
He's going back inside.
Ronnie just walked in! - Ronnie? - Mark's friend.
Mark didn't say anything about Ronnie coming over.
That's weird.
Oh, my God, that's it.
The drugs belong to Ronnie.
He's just hiding them here.
What a little jerk! Oh, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
This is great! We're not the lousy parents.
The lousy parents belong to Ronnie! Well, even if it's Ronnie's pot, Mark could be smoking it.
Oh, that's true.
Thanks a lot.
I get my hopes up, you gotta crush 'em.
Why do you have to be such a downer? Don't say "downer.
" Tim? Tim? Tim! - What? - Honey, I've had it.
Nobody's making a move for the pot.
I'm freezing.
You're falling asleep.
Give me 15 more minutes.
- OK, 15 more.
- Yeah.
But not a second more than that.
You know, I'm gonna go out to the car and get a thermal blanket.
Tim! Tim! Well, what do you have to say for yourself? It's not mine.
I was holding it for somebody.
- Who? - You don't know him.
Well, I'd like to know him.
What's his phone number? He just moved in.
I don't even think he has a phone yet.
Just get in there.
Get inside.
Come on.
- I thought you guys were going out.
- That's what we wanted you to think.
We were over in Wilsors yard hiding.
You set a trap for me? That really shows you have a lot of trust in your child.
We catch you with drugs and you want to talk about trust? Well, you raise a good point.
Sit.
I told you guys I was just holding it for somebody else.
Do you think we're a bunch of idiots? You want us to believe you're in the marijuana-storage business? - Is this your dope, or not? - The truth.
It's mine.
I came to pick it up after the game and take it to a party.
- Well, now you're a supplier.
- No, Dad.
A lot of kids bring stuff.
What is it? A "pot luck"? - Is this the only drug you're doing? - Yes.
- How much are you smoking? - Not much.
- Once a week? Once a month? - When I go to parties.
To kick back and mellow out once in a while.
I see.
So you kick back and mellow out to your car, get behind the wheel, and mellow yourself right into a telephone pole? You managed to do that once straight.
- Or were you straight then? - I don't get high and drive.
You were going to drive tonight.
Don't you guys think you're making a big deal out of this? If it wasrt a big deal, why were you hiding it? - Because I knew you'd freak! - Why do you think? Because what you're doing is illegal here! Don't you think you're being a little hypocritical? Well, why don't you explain that to me? You were alive during the "hippie thing.
" Are you telling me you never smoked weed? Don't turn this around.
This is not about us.
This is about you.
And And you're grounded right now until we can figure out what to do about this.
Now get up to your room! - Fine.
- Fine.
I don't believe that stuff.
Pulls this and says I'm a hypocrite.
Well, he's right, at least about me.
I used to smoke a lot of dope.
You don't tell him about that! It was a long time ago when you were in college.
This stuff's is stronger now.
It was still illegal then.
- I should've talked to Brad before.
- No! He could have benefitted from my mistakes! You telling him that you smoked pot, it's like endorsing it.
He doesn't need my endorsement.
He's already doing it.
OK.
OK.
Tell him the truth about everything now.
How about the first time we had sex? Huh? Rusty's barn dance? * Bum bum bum-bum bum bum * Yeah! How about the time we cheated on our S.
A.
Ts? - I didn't cheat on my S.
A.
Ts.
- Oh, rub that in my face again.
I just think that being honest with Brad is our best chance of getting him to stop doing drugs.
We can't I'm guessing you're not talking about Metamucil.
We We caught Brad with some marijuana.
- Wow.
- "Wow.
" - You smoke this stuff too, don't you? - No! Is that a real "no" or I-don't-want-to-be-in-trouble "no"? It's a real "no".
I think we can trust him.
Yeah? - It's me.
- Come in.
Oh, man, are you in deep! Did Mom and Dad tell you, too? Yeah.
How could you bring drugs into the house? I didn't bring them in.
I taped them to the swing outside.
Oh, that's much better.
I didn't even know you smoked.
I've only done it a couple times.
Come on.
You've been to a ton of parties.
- Are you telling me you never smoked? - No! I mean, the kids who are always smoking seem so out of it.
I never pictured myself sitting, contemplating the meaning of string.
- Yeah.
Well, I don't do that.
- So what do you do? I don't know.
We just sit around and talk about stuff.
- Like what? - What do you care? I'm just trying to figure out what's going on with you.
You know, what's going on with me is that I'm grounded.
- Where's Mom and Dad? - They're in their room talking.
- Good.
- Wait.
Where are you going? I gotta make a phone call.
What are you doing? Mom and Dad told you to stay in your room.
- Just shut up.
I know what I'm doing.
- You've certainly proven that.
Hey, Eric.
Yeah, it's Brad.
No, no, no.
I can't take you to that party.
Yeah, I kinda got busted by my parents.
Yeah.
I won't be smoking pot for a while.
- For a while? - Hey, I gotta go.
So, you're just gonna wait till we get off your back and start smoking again? Brad, sit down, please.
Guys, come on.
I mean, it's not like I'm doing hard drugs.
You don't have to do hard drugs to screw up your life.
Yep.
And we know that from experience.
- So, you were potheads? - No! I was a beerhead.
But I was.
You were friends with a girl who smoked a lot of pot.
And she got busted and ended up going to jail.
And her family wouldn't talk to her.
So, as I recall, her boyfriend had to bail her out.
God knows what would've happened if he werert around.
The guy was a saint.
- Was that a story about you? - No! - Yes.
Yes, it was.
- No! And it's not the whole story.
I was I got stoned at a Led Zeppelin concert.
I bought some dope that was laced with something.
- What was it laced with? - I don't know.
But I ended up in the emergency room, registered under the name Charlene Fogelman.
You used a phony name so your parents wouldn't catch you? No.
I thought I was Charlene Fogelman.
Well, then how'd you end up in jail? Somebody turned me in.
I was messed up for a long time after that.
She still hyperventilates every time she hears Stairway to Heaven.
But who doesn't? Look, Brad, I know what this is like, you know? When you're young, you want to have adventures.
You think, "Nothing bad can happen to me.
" It's just not true.
Something bad can happen to you.
Why would you want to take that risk? Your life's, you know, on track now.
You don't want to get it off track.
You got so much going for you.
You got so much to lose.
I mean, how about your soccer scholarship? And the trust of a family who loves you.
Yeah.
I don't want to lose my soccer scholarship or the other thing.
"The other thing" is the most important thing in your life.
Nobody believes in or cares for you as much as we do.
I know that.
So? What now? What are you gonna do the next time you go to a party? Which, by the way, will be a very long time from now.
Someone wants you to smoke some pot, what are you gonna do? I'll just say, "No, thanks.
" "Come on! Just a toke! What's the matter?" Dad, I won't take it.
What are you gonna tell them when they ask why not? I don't know.
I'll just make up some kind of excuse.
Here's what they tell us to use at the counseling center.
Tell them that you can't smoke because if you get caught again, your parents are gonna put you on drug testing.
Well, do you think my friends are really gonna buy that? Convince them.
Because it'll be true! - OK.
I get the picture.
- Good.
Now this sensitive, emotional moment's over.
You go back to your room and I'll talk to you tomorrow after 10:00.
- What then? - Sentencing.
- All right.
I'm sorry.
- All right.
- Do you think we got through to him? - I don't know.
I hope so.
We can reason with him, tell him horror stories.
But when he goes out that door, it's gonna be all up to him.
- He's a good kid, though.
- Yeah.
I think so.
God! Do you remember when the worst problem we had with Brad was toilet-training? Well, it makes sense.
Couldrt get him on the pot, now we're trying to get him off the pot.
What a miserable day! You're telling me! First thing you know, you're crashing through a gazebo.
Next thing you know, your oldest son is on drugs.
Boy, I need a beer! Brad's not driving or going to parties for two months.
We went easy 'cause he was the first one to get caught.
However, the next one gets the book thrown at him.
- That's not fair.
- Well, no one said life was fair! You have the benefit of learning from Brad's mistake.
In some cultures it's the kid who screwed up who's expected to learn from his mistake.
Well, this isn't a fancy country like France.
This is America, where one person can screw it up for everybody.