Bob's Burgers s07e21 Episode Script
Paraders of the Lost Float
1 All right, kids, out of the booth.
Time to get ready for the lunch rush.
Which is probably coming.
Any minute now.
It is kind of a slow start to lunch today, huh? Yeah, it hasn't really been a great month.
For your B.
O.
? No.
For the restaurant.
Because of your B.
O.
? No.
I think people are just eating other food this month.
- (door bell jingles) - TEDDY: Bob? (panting): Bob, tomorrow's Bog to Beach! - What? - Bog to Beach! The parade.
It's tomorrow! - Oh, okay.
- Oh, I love Bog to Beach! All the free spirits out on the streets having a blast.
Well, it turns out my neighbor is friends with the owner of The Bear Trap.
You know, the bar? By the beach? Near the clam shack? No, but that's okay that I don't.
Well, he always does a parade float in the Bog to Beach.
(grunts) But this year he's not doing one 'cause he hurt his back at the Strongman Invitationals.
So his float is available, and his slot in the parade is available, too! Uh, I'm still not sure why you're yelling at us, Teddy.
Also, you're really out of breath.
(panting): Yeah.
I ran all the way over here.
I'm telling you this 'cause he said you could make his float into a Bob Burgers float.
"Bob's Burgers," but whatever.
(gasp) Our own parade float? Are you kidding me? I've always wanted to be in Bog to Beach.
Dress up crazy and dance all crazy.
Whip my hair around all crazy! Whoo! Get it, girl.
Ah! Uh, I don't know if I want to do a parade float for Bog to Beach.
It doesn't seem that fun.
Of course it sounds fun.
It's a parade.
You start at the bog and you end up at the beach.
You drink a lot, you wear crazy costumes.
Oh, I love it.
And some people don't wear costumes.
Or anything.
Sun's out, buns out.
Am I right? But it gets a little out of control.
- (loud music) - (yelling) Plus, I don't really get it.
People pee everywhere, and it smells and You had me at "pee everywhere.
" I'm in.
Dad, maybe you just don't like to let loose and have fun.
You're a little grumpy and super lumpy.
That's your jam.
I like fun I mean, working here is fun, right? - Ooh, a customer.
Oh, no, never mind.
- So fun.
Come on! Let's close the restaurant for a few hours tomorrow and ride around on a parade float! Please? Bob, I didn't even get to the good part.
There's a cash prize for the top five floats, and there's only four floats in the parade this year.
There's a cash prize? - Cash is the best kind of money.
- There weren't a lot of sign-ups because the weather's supposed to be bad.
(sighs) I don't know.
Could we make a float in one night? Of course.
I'll pick it up and bring it here.
You just gotta decorate it a little and drive it down the parade route.
Fifth place gets $500.
So, we get $500 even if we come in last place? - Yep.
- We can do that.
We're great at that.
Last place.
Last place! Last place! Last place! What do you say, Bob? I mean, $500 sounds nice.
That's more than we'd make serving lunch.
Uh, all right.
Let-let's do it.
OTHERS: Yay! - All right! - Ooh, I'm so excited! Great! We're doing this! I'll go pick up the float and drive it back here.
Uh, Teddy, I could give you a ride, and, oh, and he's running down the street.
Huh, I wonder if we should hand out free samples on the parade route? Of what? Ooh, sesame chicken! No.
Burgers, Gene.
Drum up a little business.
I'm gonna think about costumes.
Bob, you go to Reflections and buy some decorations for the float.
Don't be afraid of sequins, Dad! They're more scared of you than you are of them.
- (door bell jingles) - What do you want, flapjacks? - We're closing.
- Hi, I just need a few things.
I-I'm decorating a float, and I'm really not sure what to buy.
Well, you have one minute, and then we're locking the door.
Oh, okay, fine.
Just tell me what to get.
- Petal paper.
- Excuse me? Petal paper! I-I don't know what that is.
Floral sheeting.
It's called petal paper.
Buy some! Okay, okay, okay.
- 30 more seconds.
- Come on.
Deco-puff pomps! - Wh-What? - Puff pomps! - What ? - The clock's ticking.
I just don't know what that is.
Oh, you're out of your league, tubs.
(sighs) What else do I need? Float festoon.
- Wait, what? - Festoon! Open your ears! They're garlands! Get 'em and get out! - Fringe.
- He's out of time.
- He needs fringe.
- Buy the damn fringe! - Where is it? - That's fringe! - That's fringe! Pick it up! - I got it! Put it in the thing! Bring it to the counter! - Here, here, here.
- $65.
Seriously? That a lot for different forms of tissue paper.
- You need it.
- See you on the parade route, newbie.
Your float's gonna look like a lousy joke next to ours.
Wait, you guys have a float in the parade? Yeah, and we get our fringe wholesale.
Yeah, instead of at a 1,000% mark-up.
- Sucker.
- What? We're out of bags.
Pick it up! - (groans) - Get him out of here, Harold.
I'm sick of looking at his face.
Look at our float! I love our float! I can't believe we actually get to ride up there.
Usually parade floats are for beauty pageant winners and dogs that have been in movies.
Where's Teddy? Who's driving this thing? Ghost float! Pretty sweet, right? And look what else I borrowed from The Bear Trap.
Ba Ba-da-da! T-shirt cannons.
- Yeah! Nice.
- Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme! We don't have T-shirts to shoot, Teddy.
You must have a couple of old shirts upstairs, Bob.
You could write "Bob Burgers" on 'em real quick.
Right? It's "Bob's Burgers.
" So what are we doing for costumes, Mom? Here's the plan Gene's gonna wear the burger costume, and I'm gonna use old bed sheets to make a ketchup bottle, a mustard bottle and a pickle.
(chuckles) And I'm gonna make something amazing for myself that I haven't thought of yet.
A crumpled napkin? Ooh! What if we do a dance? (gasp) We could lip-sync! GENE: Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
We bring the boom box, and we play "Hot Pants Rain Dance.
" You know that song? 'Cause it's supposed to rain tomorrow, right? The float has speakers.
You could crank it.
It starts off slow, and then it builds into the best disco song about rain ever.
Three words for you, Mother: "It's Raining Men.
" Fine, second best.
Sure, I mean, maybe we could play a song, but let's not spend a lot of time on this.
I say we just cover our float with expensive tissue paper and call it a night.
(sighs) Great.
Jimmy's coming over here.
Hey, Bob.
I don't even want to know what that is.
(chuckles) But, uh, tell me.
It's a float, Jimmy.
For Bog to Beach.
Ugh! Bog to Beach is the worst! Bunch of artsy-fartsy weirdoes throwing paper cups all over the place and making a strange You know what I'm saying.
We're doing it for the cash prize, so there, Jimmy.
And to celebrate the freaks that weave the fabric of this funky town.
More the money.
And we're gonna hand out free samples, drum up a little business.
Probably a lot of business.
So, yeah.
Yeah, giving away food is great business, Bob.
And hey, your float looks dumb, just like your face.
(laughs) And also, you have another restaurant's name on it, so good luck.
Can I shoot him, Dad? Can I shoot him? No.
Maybe.
Yes, definitely.
- Gene, give me some ammunition.
- Coming right up.
- (Gene grunting) - And Don't don't do it.
Stand stand down, stand down.
Fine, standing down.
Huh.
I know they said it's supposed to rain tomorrow, but it's really nice out; maybe it won't rain.
(thunder rumbling) Oh my God, it's raining.
It's raining so much.
These costumes are like sponges.
I lined the inside of them with sponges.
Oh Yeah, Linda, the costumes are great.
- Aw, thanks.
- But why are we all pickles? I made the first pickle, and it turned out so good I just kept going.
It looks like maybe we own a pickle restaurant.
Someone should have checked on me.
I was up there all alone, just making pickles.
(sighs) Well, at least we're here.
Let's just drive the parade route, get this float in front of the judges, and come in last place.
GENE: The Belcher way.
JIMMY: Honk-honk! Hey, Bob! Horn doesn't work.
Check this out, huh? This is what a float looks like.
No, no, no, no! Now there are six floats and there's only five prizes.
We're gonna have to beat Jimmy.
There goes our whole strategy.
Looks like we're in a bit of a pickle.
'Cause we're You get it.
- Why are you doing this, Jimmy? - Hey, hey, what do you mean? I love this parade.
No, you don't! Anyway, I do everything better than you.
So, you're gonna lose.
- Ooh, yeah! - Your float stinks, Jimmy.
And you're not gonna beat us.
Yes, I am.
I brought just a ton of free pizzas to hand out.
Drum up a little business.
You could learn a lot from me, Bob.
That was my idea.
Sorry, I can't hear you over how good my float is.
(chuckles) GENE: I don't know where to look first.
It's a freak-peeping bonanza.
Oh, look! It's a naked juggler.
So many balls in the air.
Hey, Marshmallow's here.
Hi, girl! Hi, girl, yourself, you little Bog to Beach baby.
All right, it's time to start the parade, everybody! Let's go! Hey, Bobby.
You're gonna have to tell me where to steer.
This thing does not have windshield wipers.
I got nothing down there.
We gotta use the walkie-talkies.
TEDDY (over walkie): Hey, Bob.
It's Teddy, from before.
Yup.
It's, uh you get kind of lonely down here.
You just went down there, Teddy.
I just wish I was up there with you guys.
I'm coming up! Teddy, no.
It's our turn to go.
So go, and drive straight.
TEDDY.
All right.
And we're floatin'! Aah! Who wants a free T-shirt? It's coming out of the cannon Look alive! Where were you? Hey, who wants a free burger? It's coming out of a boy! Five second rule.
That's not a problem.
It's fine.
Time to unleash the beast.
Here comes my parade wave.
Wipe that blackboard, wipe that blackboard, kiss your hand, and wipe that blackboard.
Hey, Gretchen.
You having fun? Hey, Linda.
I've been having fun since yesterday.
I got the date for the parade wrong, so I've just been out here.
Bye! What are you supposed to be? I'm a permaid.
A mermaid with a perm.
Yeah, you are.
Look at you.
Uh, hi, hey! Who wants some pizza? Lady, hey, come here, take a slice, go on.
Stupid Jimmy Pesto! So, Dad, are you loving this or what? (growls) You know what would cheer up an old crank like you? - Lip-syncing to some disco.
- Fact.
I gave Teddy the cassette for "Hot Pants Rain Dance.
" I am not an old crank.
I just don't want to pretend to sing that song right now.
- (engine revs) - What the hell is he doing? LINDA: Hey, back off, Jimmy, we're parading here.
I'm sick of looking at your ugly float.
I'm gonna pass you.
What? You can't pass in a parade, Jimmy.
Get your dumb float away from us.
Hey! You see these pizzas? Now I'm gonna finish the parade before you and bribe the judges with them.
(laughs) What? No! No! You're not, Jimmy.
Because I am not letting you pass us! I'm gonna kick your float.
I can almost reach it.
Hey, don't kick my float.
I'm gonna kick your float.
- Hey! - Hey! Oh, hey, looks a little loose right here, huh? Hey, it came right off in my hand.
You can't do that! Yeah, get your damn hands off her, Biff! Hey, what's going on with this one? It's just coming off all by itself.
Oopsie-oopsie! BOB: No! Our sign! Ooh! The judges are definitely gonna take points off for that.
Get back, Jimmy, or I'll shoot.
Aw, come on, you don't have it in Oof! Oh! Free shirt, though.
Ha! Kids, arm your T-shirt guns.
Keep Jimmy away from our float.
GENE: Say hello to my 50-50 blend.
You shoot a T-shirt at a guy like a girl! (groans) So, like that? Oh, his face! Good shot, Louise.
Hey.
Hey.
Some, ha, crazy float drama going on up there, huh? Yeah, why can't we all just enjoy the day? I know, right? Let's promise to never get caught up in that mess.
Totally.
Jimmy Jr.
, quick, grab that fluttery thing.
- What, this? - What the hell? I'll kill you! (gasping): Tina! Oh, my God.
What have we become? Hey, it's the Belchers! We know them! Wait, no, those are pickles.
Hi, pickles! - Damn it.
- It doesn't look that bad.
Yeah, it's distressed.
- (groans) - GENE: Shabby chic.
Flabby chic.
Bob, don't let Pesto poop on our parade.
Bye, Bob.
I'm gonna go give pizza to the judges.
Then we'll laugh about how stupid hamburgers are.
(laughs) Ah! We can't let Jimmy finish first.
Why not? You know what no one has ever wanted after a bunch of free pizza? A bunch of free burgers! Don't speak for me! Wait.
I know how we can get back in front of Pesto.
Bob, it's not a race.
That's right, it's a not a race, Lin.
It's a war.
- It's a race war.
- Gene Bob, it's a parade.
We're having fun, remember? No, Lin, Pesto ruined our float.
It looks worse than his now.
He's gonna beat us and get the $500, unless we go to the judges first, and give them our burgers before he gives them his stupid pizza.
- (static crackles) - Teddy? Bob? Is that you? Yes, it's me, Teddy.
Who else would it be? It's just good to hear a human voice.
Teddy, listen, I need you to make a left.
What? We're gonna go left here on this little side street, and then we're gonna go right, and then right again, and we'll rejoin the parade route, and we'll be in front of all the floats! You got it.
Going off the parade route.
Sounds like a good idea, Bob.
I miss you.
I miss all of you.
- BOB: Sorry, pardon us.
- TINA: Coming through.
GENE: Watch your hula-hoop, sir.
- Look out! - Heads up! LINDA: See you soon, parade.
Stay funky.
Now we just make a right.
Teddy, turn right here.
Turning right.
BOB: We'll go down the block.
Teddy, give it a little more gas.
Now we'll just make the next right, and we're back on the route.
There are no rights.
BOB: Oh, no, the street's curving left.
Teddy? Are you seeing this? We're gonna have to veer left.
Veering left.
Bob! Mayday! Mayday! We gotta stop and we gotta turn around and go back the way we came.
We gotta get back on route.
No way, Linda.
There's no turning around.
I mean, literally.
I don't think this can turn around.
We stay the course, there's gotta be a right somewhere.
We're lost, Bob.
Who gets lost on a float? Dad did.
Oh, was that not a real question? Dad, can I shoot you in the neck with a T-shirt? No, you cannot shoot me in (gasps) TINA: I mean, one float can be a parade, right? If there's anyone else on the street, I'm sure they'd appreciate this.
There's a guy going to the bathroom between two parked cars.
Yeah! He's got the spirit.
Oh, it's the mayor.
Hi, Mayor! Oh, it Oh, oh, that's not the mayor.
There's a right.
Finally.
Teddy, turn right.
(all groan) Hey, it looks like we're part of some other kind of parade, I think.
Oh yeah, we're in a parade of town cars.
And there's Mort's car up front.
LINDA: Bob, we're in a funeral procession.
BOB: Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
What do we do? LOUISE: Hey, they probably won't even notice us.
Worst case scenario, we follow this death parade all the way to a pretty sweet deli spread.
Oh! Another right! I think we should do it.
- Teddy, turn right again.
- TEDDY: Turning.
LINDA: Oh, God, the funeral's turning! GENE: No! Don't follow us! Don't follow us! LOUISE: Well, we finally lost them.
LINDA: They'll find another funeral.
I'm feeling good about this.
I think we're minutes away from finding the parade.
Aw Oh, come on.
Oh! Oh, great.
He's blocking the street.
Hey, Teddy? We got to stop.
- LINDA: Hi! You okay? - Uh Uh, first day.
- Us, too.
- Want a free shirt? Uh, sure.
(groans) Thanks! No problem! Uh, do you need help? - We have to use the road.
- Maybe.
- Oh, okay, you go up.
- No, Lin, you go up.
- No, you go up.
- No, I'm going - I'll go under.
Going under.
- BOB: Lift it up.
LINDA: I'll go under.
I'm just going to stand in one place.
- GENE: Mine smells funny.
- Your what? GENE: Ugh! We're missing it! People are just traipsing around in provocative hand-crafted costumes, and we're lost! I think we're close.
I really think we're almost back on route.
I'm sick of your lies, Dad! Sorry, sorry, I just got hot for a second.
Mostly I'm really cold and wet.
- (faint cheering, drums beating) - Wait, wait, did you guys hear that? - GENE: Did you fart? - No.
Yes, but it was silent.
(gasp) I think it's the parade! It's definitely a parade.
Oh, my God, I hear it, too.
LINDA: Look! Up there to the right.
Freaky parade people! Butts! I see butts! Teddy, we've got a right turn coming up.
We're gonna get back on route, we're gonna give the judges burgers before pizza, and we're gonna get that fifth place prize money! (laughs) I knew you could do it, Bob! I never lost faith in you.
Oh, come on, the road is blocked? Teddy, stop the float.
Ah, I knew we'd never make it.
We'll just have to put this thing in reverse and go until we can get back onto the route somehow.
I thought this thing doesn't go in reverse.
It doesn't, but we could all hop off and push it backwards No, Bob, let's not drive anymore, please.
Lin, but I think we're close to the finish.
Bob, why don't we leave the float here and walk the rest of the way? - We'll come back later and pick it up.
- What? Come on, Bob, don't you want to have a little fun before this whole thing is over? This parade is not about having fun, Lin.
No.
Of course not.
Well, I want to have a good time.
- Come on, Bob.
- No.
I'm getting this thing to the finish line before Pesto.
You guys can walk if you want.
Okay.
What do you say, kids? You want to walk the rest of the way with your mom and all the freaky people? Freak yes, I do.
- Let's go.
- Let's do this.
All right, Bob, we'll see you at the beach.
Kids, let's go get weird.
Wow.
You chose me over your family.
That's not what happened, Teddy.
I'm on it, Bobby.
Okay, we just have to find another way back to the parade route.
I think we can still beat Jimmy.
And there he is.
JIMMY: Hey! Is there a parade on that street, too, Bob? (chuckles) A bad one? Uh, zoom! Damn it.
It's over.
Wait.
What if we ram the barricades? Excuse me? We floor it, hold on tight and burst right through.
Papier-mâché float, solid barricade.
Let's do it.
The coast is clear, Teddy.
We're ready.
Here we go! (engine revving, tires screeching) (yelling) Yes! Oh, the burgers.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
(coughing) Is my ass on fire? Be honest.
A little bit, Teddy.
A little bit.
- Anything? - TEDDY: Nothing.
Well, we lost.
Pesto beat us.
Judges are, like, 50 yards away eating his horrible pizza.
We can't even finish and we're so close to the end.
(sighs) I mean, when you say it out loud all at once, it makes it sound bad.
Stereo still works.
Want to listen to Linda's tape? (sighs) Not really.
Oh.
I already pressed play.
- Parade puddles! - Paradles! Uh, I'm not sure this is all water Eh, it's fine.
You don't know what you're missing up there! Come down here and splash.
Oh, you're not wearing any underwear.
(over speakers): Just when I thought I was lost and washed out Someone reminded me what it was all about Look at those guys, just sloppin' around in puddles.
BOB: They do look like they're having a good time.
Ah, ah, yeah (sighs) I guess I haven't been very fun today.
Yeah, but this really isn't your scene.
What do you mean? It's just Those people are really fun.
Look at 'em.
They're free spirits.
Maybe I have been a little grumpy.
Come on, we're here for the cash prize.
That's what matters here the money.
What, do we have to live life to the fullest at this particular parade? No.
We're here on a job.
(sighs) Oh, my God.
What is wrong with me? Ah, the beat's about to kick in.
You know what? Turn it up.
Teddy! Unzip my pickle! Unzipping your pickle, Bobby.
Is that Bob? (gasps) He's playing "Hot Pants Rain Dance"! It's like a fun, wet, almost naked version of Dad.
Disco? I'll go.
I'm dancing! I'm having fun! Hey, kids! I took my clothes off! TINA: Go, Dad! Shake what Grandpa gave you! But maybe not like that! Lin, I'm sorry I was such a jerk today.
I let Pesto get the best of me.
But I love Bog to Beach now! I totally get it! (whoops) Oh, I forgive you, my little floatstest with the mostest! Hey, get up here.
It's your song.
Kids! Come on! What happened? Why'd you stop your float here? We broke down.
We're stuck.
We were trying to get to the judges.
We could push you.
Or someone could push you.
Guys? Let's motorboat this float.
TEDDY (singing along): Hot pants rain dance! Da-da, doo-doo rain I don't know the words.
Get down from there, Jimmy Jr.
! No, Dad! I'm dancing! (whoops) Hey.
Sorry about earlier, Tina.
I shouldn't have messed up your float.
That was not cool.
It's okay.
Sorry I shot you with a shirt, and that you crumpled up into a little ball on the ground and looked really weak and fragile.
Uh, okay, uh, it really hurt.
Should we have make-up dance? - Yeah! - (hooting and hollering) So hot your pants on fire Well, we were just about to give the prize for fifth place to the guy who gave me this wet pizza, but The Bear Trap just rolled in here and stole our hearts! Ladies and gentlemen, fifth place prize is The Bear Trap! (gasps) Bobby, that's us! We're The Bear Trap! Yes! We won fifth place! ALL: Yay! What? We were robbed.
I don't know, man.
That was amazing.
They came across the line and people started dancing.
It felt bigger than all of this.
Oh, would you just shut up.
All right! Mwah! So I, uh, I wonder what it's gonna cost to fix this float up, huh? Bob? Not gonna be cheap.
Don't ruin this, Teddy! Hot pants rain dance Get out there and take a chance Hot pants rain dance Get out there and shake your pants Hot pants rain dance Get out there and take a chance Hot pants rain dance Get out there and shake your pants Bah bah bah bah bah Bah bah bah bah bah bah Bah bah bah bah bah Bah bah bah bah bah bah Hot pants rain dance Get out there and take a chance
Time to get ready for the lunch rush.
Which is probably coming.
Any minute now.
It is kind of a slow start to lunch today, huh? Yeah, it hasn't really been a great month.
For your B.
O.
? No.
For the restaurant.
Because of your B.
O.
? No.
I think people are just eating other food this month.
- (door bell jingles) - TEDDY: Bob? (panting): Bob, tomorrow's Bog to Beach! - What? - Bog to Beach! The parade.
It's tomorrow! - Oh, okay.
- Oh, I love Bog to Beach! All the free spirits out on the streets having a blast.
Well, it turns out my neighbor is friends with the owner of The Bear Trap.
You know, the bar? By the beach? Near the clam shack? No, but that's okay that I don't.
Well, he always does a parade float in the Bog to Beach.
(grunts) But this year he's not doing one 'cause he hurt his back at the Strongman Invitationals.
So his float is available, and his slot in the parade is available, too! Uh, I'm still not sure why you're yelling at us, Teddy.
Also, you're really out of breath.
(panting): Yeah.
I ran all the way over here.
I'm telling you this 'cause he said you could make his float into a Bob Burgers float.
"Bob's Burgers," but whatever.
(gasp) Our own parade float? Are you kidding me? I've always wanted to be in Bog to Beach.
Dress up crazy and dance all crazy.
Whip my hair around all crazy! Whoo! Get it, girl.
Ah! Uh, I don't know if I want to do a parade float for Bog to Beach.
It doesn't seem that fun.
Of course it sounds fun.
It's a parade.
You start at the bog and you end up at the beach.
You drink a lot, you wear crazy costumes.
Oh, I love it.
And some people don't wear costumes.
Or anything.
Sun's out, buns out.
Am I right? But it gets a little out of control.
- (loud music) - (yelling) Plus, I don't really get it.
People pee everywhere, and it smells and You had me at "pee everywhere.
" I'm in.
Dad, maybe you just don't like to let loose and have fun.
You're a little grumpy and super lumpy.
That's your jam.
I like fun I mean, working here is fun, right? - Ooh, a customer.
Oh, no, never mind.
- So fun.
Come on! Let's close the restaurant for a few hours tomorrow and ride around on a parade float! Please? Bob, I didn't even get to the good part.
There's a cash prize for the top five floats, and there's only four floats in the parade this year.
There's a cash prize? - Cash is the best kind of money.
- There weren't a lot of sign-ups because the weather's supposed to be bad.
(sighs) I don't know.
Could we make a float in one night? Of course.
I'll pick it up and bring it here.
You just gotta decorate it a little and drive it down the parade route.
Fifth place gets $500.
So, we get $500 even if we come in last place? - Yep.
- We can do that.
We're great at that.
Last place.
Last place! Last place! Last place! What do you say, Bob? I mean, $500 sounds nice.
That's more than we'd make serving lunch.
Uh, all right.
Let-let's do it.
OTHERS: Yay! - All right! - Ooh, I'm so excited! Great! We're doing this! I'll go pick up the float and drive it back here.
Uh, Teddy, I could give you a ride, and, oh, and he's running down the street.
Huh, I wonder if we should hand out free samples on the parade route? Of what? Ooh, sesame chicken! No.
Burgers, Gene.
Drum up a little business.
I'm gonna think about costumes.
Bob, you go to Reflections and buy some decorations for the float.
Don't be afraid of sequins, Dad! They're more scared of you than you are of them.
- (door bell jingles) - What do you want, flapjacks? - We're closing.
- Hi, I just need a few things.
I-I'm decorating a float, and I'm really not sure what to buy.
Well, you have one minute, and then we're locking the door.
Oh, okay, fine.
Just tell me what to get.
- Petal paper.
- Excuse me? Petal paper! I-I don't know what that is.
Floral sheeting.
It's called petal paper.
Buy some! Okay, okay, okay.
- 30 more seconds.
- Come on.
Deco-puff pomps! - Wh-What? - Puff pomps! - What ? - The clock's ticking.
I just don't know what that is.
Oh, you're out of your league, tubs.
(sighs) What else do I need? Float festoon.
- Wait, what? - Festoon! Open your ears! They're garlands! Get 'em and get out! - Fringe.
- He's out of time.
- He needs fringe.
- Buy the damn fringe! - Where is it? - That's fringe! - That's fringe! Pick it up! - I got it! Put it in the thing! Bring it to the counter! - Here, here, here.
- $65.
Seriously? That a lot for different forms of tissue paper.
- You need it.
- See you on the parade route, newbie.
Your float's gonna look like a lousy joke next to ours.
Wait, you guys have a float in the parade? Yeah, and we get our fringe wholesale.
Yeah, instead of at a 1,000% mark-up.
- Sucker.
- What? We're out of bags.
Pick it up! - (groans) - Get him out of here, Harold.
I'm sick of looking at his face.
Look at our float! I love our float! I can't believe we actually get to ride up there.
Usually parade floats are for beauty pageant winners and dogs that have been in movies.
Where's Teddy? Who's driving this thing? Ghost float! Pretty sweet, right? And look what else I borrowed from The Bear Trap.
Ba Ba-da-da! T-shirt cannons.
- Yeah! Nice.
- Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme! We don't have T-shirts to shoot, Teddy.
You must have a couple of old shirts upstairs, Bob.
You could write "Bob Burgers" on 'em real quick.
Right? It's "Bob's Burgers.
" So what are we doing for costumes, Mom? Here's the plan Gene's gonna wear the burger costume, and I'm gonna use old bed sheets to make a ketchup bottle, a mustard bottle and a pickle.
(chuckles) And I'm gonna make something amazing for myself that I haven't thought of yet.
A crumpled napkin? Ooh! What if we do a dance? (gasp) We could lip-sync! GENE: Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
We bring the boom box, and we play "Hot Pants Rain Dance.
" You know that song? 'Cause it's supposed to rain tomorrow, right? The float has speakers.
You could crank it.
It starts off slow, and then it builds into the best disco song about rain ever.
Three words for you, Mother: "It's Raining Men.
" Fine, second best.
Sure, I mean, maybe we could play a song, but let's not spend a lot of time on this.
I say we just cover our float with expensive tissue paper and call it a night.
(sighs) Great.
Jimmy's coming over here.
Hey, Bob.
I don't even want to know what that is.
(chuckles) But, uh, tell me.
It's a float, Jimmy.
For Bog to Beach.
Ugh! Bog to Beach is the worst! Bunch of artsy-fartsy weirdoes throwing paper cups all over the place and making a strange You know what I'm saying.
We're doing it for the cash prize, so there, Jimmy.
And to celebrate the freaks that weave the fabric of this funky town.
More the money.
And we're gonna hand out free samples, drum up a little business.
Probably a lot of business.
So, yeah.
Yeah, giving away food is great business, Bob.
And hey, your float looks dumb, just like your face.
(laughs) And also, you have another restaurant's name on it, so good luck.
Can I shoot him, Dad? Can I shoot him? No.
Maybe.
Yes, definitely.
- Gene, give me some ammunition.
- Coming right up.
- (Gene grunting) - And Don't don't do it.
Stand stand down, stand down.
Fine, standing down.
Huh.
I know they said it's supposed to rain tomorrow, but it's really nice out; maybe it won't rain.
(thunder rumbling) Oh my God, it's raining.
It's raining so much.
These costumes are like sponges.
I lined the inside of them with sponges.
Oh Yeah, Linda, the costumes are great.
- Aw, thanks.
- But why are we all pickles? I made the first pickle, and it turned out so good I just kept going.
It looks like maybe we own a pickle restaurant.
Someone should have checked on me.
I was up there all alone, just making pickles.
(sighs) Well, at least we're here.
Let's just drive the parade route, get this float in front of the judges, and come in last place.
GENE: The Belcher way.
JIMMY: Honk-honk! Hey, Bob! Horn doesn't work.
Check this out, huh? This is what a float looks like.
No, no, no, no! Now there are six floats and there's only five prizes.
We're gonna have to beat Jimmy.
There goes our whole strategy.
Looks like we're in a bit of a pickle.
'Cause we're You get it.
- Why are you doing this, Jimmy? - Hey, hey, what do you mean? I love this parade.
No, you don't! Anyway, I do everything better than you.
So, you're gonna lose.
- Ooh, yeah! - Your float stinks, Jimmy.
And you're not gonna beat us.
Yes, I am.
I brought just a ton of free pizzas to hand out.
Drum up a little business.
You could learn a lot from me, Bob.
That was my idea.
Sorry, I can't hear you over how good my float is.
(chuckles) GENE: I don't know where to look first.
It's a freak-peeping bonanza.
Oh, look! It's a naked juggler.
So many balls in the air.
Hey, Marshmallow's here.
Hi, girl! Hi, girl, yourself, you little Bog to Beach baby.
All right, it's time to start the parade, everybody! Let's go! Hey, Bobby.
You're gonna have to tell me where to steer.
This thing does not have windshield wipers.
I got nothing down there.
We gotta use the walkie-talkies.
TEDDY (over walkie): Hey, Bob.
It's Teddy, from before.
Yup.
It's, uh you get kind of lonely down here.
You just went down there, Teddy.
I just wish I was up there with you guys.
I'm coming up! Teddy, no.
It's our turn to go.
So go, and drive straight.
TEDDY.
All right.
And we're floatin'! Aah! Who wants a free T-shirt? It's coming out of the cannon Look alive! Where were you? Hey, who wants a free burger? It's coming out of a boy! Five second rule.
That's not a problem.
It's fine.
Time to unleash the beast.
Here comes my parade wave.
Wipe that blackboard, wipe that blackboard, kiss your hand, and wipe that blackboard.
Hey, Gretchen.
You having fun? Hey, Linda.
I've been having fun since yesterday.
I got the date for the parade wrong, so I've just been out here.
Bye! What are you supposed to be? I'm a permaid.
A mermaid with a perm.
Yeah, you are.
Look at you.
Uh, hi, hey! Who wants some pizza? Lady, hey, come here, take a slice, go on.
Stupid Jimmy Pesto! So, Dad, are you loving this or what? (growls) You know what would cheer up an old crank like you? - Lip-syncing to some disco.
- Fact.
I gave Teddy the cassette for "Hot Pants Rain Dance.
" I am not an old crank.
I just don't want to pretend to sing that song right now.
- (engine revs) - What the hell is he doing? LINDA: Hey, back off, Jimmy, we're parading here.
I'm sick of looking at your ugly float.
I'm gonna pass you.
What? You can't pass in a parade, Jimmy.
Get your dumb float away from us.
Hey! You see these pizzas? Now I'm gonna finish the parade before you and bribe the judges with them.
(laughs) What? No! No! You're not, Jimmy.
Because I am not letting you pass us! I'm gonna kick your float.
I can almost reach it.
Hey, don't kick my float.
I'm gonna kick your float.
- Hey! - Hey! Oh, hey, looks a little loose right here, huh? Hey, it came right off in my hand.
You can't do that! Yeah, get your damn hands off her, Biff! Hey, what's going on with this one? It's just coming off all by itself.
Oopsie-oopsie! BOB: No! Our sign! Ooh! The judges are definitely gonna take points off for that.
Get back, Jimmy, or I'll shoot.
Aw, come on, you don't have it in Oof! Oh! Free shirt, though.
Ha! Kids, arm your T-shirt guns.
Keep Jimmy away from our float.
GENE: Say hello to my 50-50 blend.
You shoot a T-shirt at a guy like a girl! (groans) So, like that? Oh, his face! Good shot, Louise.
Hey.
Hey.
Some, ha, crazy float drama going on up there, huh? Yeah, why can't we all just enjoy the day? I know, right? Let's promise to never get caught up in that mess.
Totally.
Jimmy Jr.
, quick, grab that fluttery thing.
- What, this? - What the hell? I'll kill you! (gasping): Tina! Oh, my God.
What have we become? Hey, it's the Belchers! We know them! Wait, no, those are pickles.
Hi, pickles! - Damn it.
- It doesn't look that bad.
Yeah, it's distressed.
- (groans) - GENE: Shabby chic.
Flabby chic.
Bob, don't let Pesto poop on our parade.
Bye, Bob.
I'm gonna go give pizza to the judges.
Then we'll laugh about how stupid hamburgers are.
(laughs) Ah! We can't let Jimmy finish first.
Why not? You know what no one has ever wanted after a bunch of free pizza? A bunch of free burgers! Don't speak for me! Wait.
I know how we can get back in front of Pesto.
Bob, it's not a race.
That's right, it's a not a race, Lin.
It's a war.
- It's a race war.
- Gene Bob, it's a parade.
We're having fun, remember? No, Lin, Pesto ruined our float.
It looks worse than his now.
He's gonna beat us and get the $500, unless we go to the judges first, and give them our burgers before he gives them his stupid pizza.
- (static crackles) - Teddy? Bob? Is that you? Yes, it's me, Teddy.
Who else would it be? It's just good to hear a human voice.
Teddy, listen, I need you to make a left.
What? We're gonna go left here on this little side street, and then we're gonna go right, and then right again, and we'll rejoin the parade route, and we'll be in front of all the floats! You got it.
Going off the parade route.
Sounds like a good idea, Bob.
I miss you.
I miss all of you.
- BOB: Sorry, pardon us.
- TINA: Coming through.
GENE: Watch your hula-hoop, sir.
- Look out! - Heads up! LINDA: See you soon, parade.
Stay funky.
Now we just make a right.
Teddy, turn right here.
Turning right.
BOB: We'll go down the block.
Teddy, give it a little more gas.
Now we'll just make the next right, and we're back on the route.
There are no rights.
BOB: Oh, no, the street's curving left.
Teddy? Are you seeing this? We're gonna have to veer left.
Veering left.
Bob! Mayday! Mayday! We gotta stop and we gotta turn around and go back the way we came.
We gotta get back on route.
No way, Linda.
There's no turning around.
I mean, literally.
I don't think this can turn around.
We stay the course, there's gotta be a right somewhere.
We're lost, Bob.
Who gets lost on a float? Dad did.
Oh, was that not a real question? Dad, can I shoot you in the neck with a T-shirt? No, you cannot shoot me in (gasps) TINA: I mean, one float can be a parade, right? If there's anyone else on the street, I'm sure they'd appreciate this.
There's a guy going to the bathroom between two parked cars.
Yeah! He's got the spirit.
Oh, it's the mayor.
Hi, Mayor! Oh, it Oh, oh, that's not the mayor.
There's a right.
Finally.
Teddy, turn right.
(all groan) Hey, it looks like we're part of some other kind of parade, I think.
Oh yeah, we're in a parade of town cars.
And there's Mort's car up front.
LINDA: Bob, we're in a funeral procession.
BOB: Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
What do we do? LOUISE: Hey, they probably won't even notice us.
Worst case scenario, we follow this death parade all the way to a pretty sweet deli spread.
Oh! Another right! I think we should do it.
- Teddy, turn right again.
- TEDDY: Turning.
LINDA: Oh, God, the funeral's turning! GENE: No! Don't follow us! Don't follow us! LOUISE: Well, we finally lost them.
LINDA: They'll find another funeral.
I'm feeling good about this.
I think we're minutes away from finding the parade.
Aw Oh, come on.
Oh! Oh, great.
He's blocking the street.
Hey, Teddy? We got to stop.
- LINDA: Hi! You okay? - Uh Uh, first day.
- Us, too.
- Want a free shirt? Uh, sure.
(groans) Thanks! No problem! Uh, do you need help? - We have to use the road.
- Maybe.
- Oh, okay, you go up.
- No, Lin, you go up.
- No, you go up.
- No, I'm going - I'll go under.
Going under.
- BOB: Lift it up.
LINDA: I'll go under.
I'm just going to stand in one place.
- GENE: Mine smells funny.
- Your what? GENE: Ugh! We're missing it! People are just traipsing around in provocative hand-crafted costumes, and we're lost! I think we're close.
I really think we're almost back on route.
I'm sick of your lies, Dad! Sorry, sorry, I just got hot for a second.
Mostly I'm really cold and wet.
- (faint cheering, drums beating) - Wait, wait, did you guys hear that? - GENE: Did you fart? - No.
Yes, but it was silent.
(gasp) I think it's the parade! It's definitely a parade.
Oh, my God, I hear it, too.
LINDA: Look! Up there to the right.
Freaky parade people! Butts! I see butts! Teddy, we've got a right turn coming up.
We're gonna get back on route, we're gonna give the judges burgers before pizza, and we're gonna get that fifth place prize money! (laughs) I knew you could do it, Bob! I never lost faith in you.
Oh, come on, the road is blocked? Teddy, stop the float.
Ah, I knew we'd never make it.
We'll just have to put this thing in reverse and go until we can get back onto the route somehow.
I thought this thing doesn't go in reverse.
It doesn't, but we could all hop off and push it backwards No, Bob, let's not drive anymore, please.
Lin, but I think we're close to the finish.
Bob, why don't we leave the float here and walk the rest of the way? - We'll come back later and pick it up.
- What? Come on, Bob, don't you want to have a little fun before this whole thing is over? This parade is not about having fun, Lin.
No.
Of course not.
Well, I want to have a good time.
- Come on, Bob.
- No.
I'm getting this thing to the finish line before Pesto.
You guys can walk if you want.
Okay.
What do you say, kids? You want to walk the rest of the way with your mom and all the freaky people? Freak yes, I do.
- Let's go.
- Let's do this.
All right, Bob, we'll see you at the beach.
Kids, let's go get weird.
Wow.
You chose me over your family.
That's not what happened, Teddy.
I'm on it, Bobby.
Okay, we just have to find another way back to the parade route.
I think we can still beat Jimmy.
And there he is.
JIMMY: Hey! Is there a parade on that street, too, Bob? (chuckles) A bad one? Uh, zoom! Damn it.
It's over.
Wait.
What if we ram the barricades? Excuse me? We floor it, hold on tight and burst right through.
Papier-mâché float, solid barricade.
Let's do it.
The coast is clear, Teddy.
We're ready.
Here we go! (engine revving, tires screeching) (yelling) Yes! Oh, the burgers.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
(coughing) Is my ass on fire? Be honest.
A little bit, Teddy.
A little bit.
- Anything? - TEDDY: Nothing.
Well, we lost.
Pesto beat us.
Judges are, like, 50 yards away eating his horrible pizza.
We can't even finish and we're so close to the end.
(sighs) I mean, when you say it out loud all at once, it makes it sound bad.
Stereo still works.
Want to listen to Linda's tape? (sighs) Not really.
Oh.
I already pressed play.
- Parade puddles! - Paradles! Uh, I'm not sure this is all water Eh, it's fine.
You don't know what you're missing up there! Come down here and splash.
Oh, you're not wearing any underwear.
(over speakers): Just when I thought I was lost and washed out Someone reminded me what it was all about Look at those guys, just sloppin' around in puddles.
BOB: They do look like they're having a good time.
Ah, ah, yeah (sighs) I guess I haven't been very fun today.
Yeah, but this really isn't your scene.
What do you mean? It's just Those people are really fun.
Look at 'em.
They're free spirits.
Maybe I have been a little grumpy.
Come on, we're here for the cash prize.
That's what matters here the money.
What, do we have to live life to the fullest at this particular parade? No.
We're here on a job.
(sighs) Oh, my God.
What is wrong with me? Ah, the beat's about to kick in.
You know what? Turn it up.
Teddy! Unzip my pickle! Unzipping your pickle, Bobby.
Is that Bob? (gasps) He's playing "Hot Pants Rain Dance"! It's like a fun, wet, almost naked version of Dad.
Disco? I'll go.
I'm dancing! I'm having fun! Hey, kids! I took my clothes off! TINA: Go, Dad! Shake what Grandpa gave you! But maybe not like that! Lin, I'm sorry I was such a jerk today.
I let Pesto get the best of me.
But I love Bog to Beach now! I totally get it! (whoops) Oh, I forgive you, my little floatstest with the mostest! Hey, get up here.
It's your song.
Kids! Come on! What happened? Why'd you stop your float here? We broke down.
We're stuck.
We were trying to get to the judges.
We could push you.
Or someone could push you.
Guys? Let's motorboat this float.
TEDDY (singing along): Hot pants rain dance! Da-da, doo-doo rain I don't know the words.
Get down from there, Jimmy Jr.
! No, Dad! I'm dancing! (whoops) Hey.
Sorry about earlier, Tina.
I shouldn't have messed up your float.
That was not cool.
It's okay.
Sorry I shot you with a shirt, and that you crumpled up into a little ball on the ground and looked really weak and fragile.
Uh, okay, uh, it really hurt.
Should we have make-up dance? - Yeah! - (hooting and hollering) So hot your pants on fire Well, we were just about to give the prize for fifth place to the guy who gave me this wet pizza, but The Bear Trap just rolled in here and stole our hearts! Ladies and gentlemen, fifth place prize is The Bear Trap! (gasps) Bobby, that's us! We're The Bear Trap! Yes! We won fifth place! ALL: Yay! What? We were robbed.
I don't know, man.
That was amazing.
They came across the line and people started dancing.
It felt bigger than all of this.
Oh, would you just shut up.
All right! Mwah! So I, uh, I wonder what it's gonna cost to fix this float up, huh? Bob? Not gonna be cheap.
Don't ruin this, Teddy! Hot pants rain dance Get out there and take a chance Hot pants rain dance Get out there and shake your pants Hot pants rain dance Get out there and take a chance Hot pants rain dance Get out there and shake your pants Bah bah bah bah bah Bah bah bah bah bah bah Bah bah bah bah bah Bah bah bah bah bah bah Hot pants rain dance Get out there and take a chance