Frasier s07e23 Episode Script

Oh, hi, Roz.
Oh, there you are.
I brought something for Daphne.
I was just going to leave it with the doorman.
(sobbing): Oh Oh, Lord.
Did I say something? Well, actually, our doorman Morrie passed away this week.
We just got back from the funeral.
Oh, my gosh.
I'm so sorry.
Is she going to be all right? Well, uh, you know, she's been a little high-strung all week even before he died.
I guess it's just wedding stuff, you know.
Yeah.
Ooh sorry about that.
So, you brought me something, Roz? Well, yeah, I figured you can't get married without wearing something borrowed.
Oh, what a beautiful garter.
Look at all the lovely detail.
I especially like the little odometer.
(no audio) Thank you so much, Roz.
Does anybody besides me feel like a cup of coffee? Oh, I'll brew a pot.
Oh, don't be silly.
I've been here enough times to know how to get the coffee made.
Daphne, make us some coffee.
Kidding.
(laughing) "The Wayside Inn.
" Is this where you're having the wedding? Oh, gosh, it's just beautiful.
I hope it is.
The planning's been a nightmare.
I spent an hour today on the seating chart.
Everyone has some demand.
"Don't sit me near the band.
" "You mind if I bring a friend?" Oh, my God, you can't seat me next to him.
Exactly.
Every selfish, whiny, little de no, you cannot seat me next to Tim Walsh.
I dated him all last summer and he dumped me.
He's going with my bridesmaid, Annie.
I have to seat the bridesmaids together.
This always happens to me.
Is there no place I can go without running into some guy I've dated? I was reading about a Trappist monastery in the Amazon that they somehow built into the treetops.
Shut up, you big doily.
This is going to be awful.
Here I am at a wedding sitting next to a guy who dumped me.
FRASIER: Oh, come on, Roz.
You won't be alone.
You'll be on the arm of a well-known Seattle boulevardier and radio star.
Frasier, I can't go with you.
I mean going to a wedding with your boss is like going to the prom with your brother.
Niles and I did not go to the prom together! Our dates were sick and we went stag! In retrospect, yes, we should've canceled the horse-drawn carriage, but hindsight is 20/20.
(door opening) Hey hey, Roz.
ROZ: Hi, Martin.
I'm sorry to hear about your friend, Morrie.
Aw, thanks.
Yeah, his wife just did the nicest thing.
I guess she knew that Eddie and I would stop by and shoot the breeze with him so, she gave us something to remember him by.
Oh.
(chuckles) "For Martin and Eddie.
" Gee, isn't that nice? Yeah.
I think it's some kind of wine.
Well, yes, I'd say so.
(gasping) My God, Dad, this is a 1945 Chateau Petrus.
Oh, yeah? He got it from his uncle who was in France after the war.
Well, it's one of the rarest bottles in the world.
Well, if you're good maybe Eddie will give you a glass out of his half.
I've never evenseen a '45 Petrus.
Oh, poor Morrie.
He probably waited his whole life for an occasion special enough to open that bottle.
Perhaps this should be a lesson for us all.
Morrie may be standing guard at the door to heaven right now but he is buzzing us with one last message-- "Live life now.
" I'm reminded of a parable (knocking) Come in.
Come in.
Come in.
Simon! Hi, Sis.
I thought you were in California.
Yeah, well, those friends I went to surprise were out of town.
So, I decided to house-sit for them, which was lovely, till they came home last night.
I don't know what all the screaming was about.
Iwas the one in the tub.
Where should I put this bag? Uh, by the door, so you don't forget it when you leave.
SIMON: Right.
Well, I think I know everybody here or do I? What would your name be, then, Miss? Simon you lowlife idiot.
You made a date with me last week and you stood me up.
Sorry, love, I need a bit more to go on.
Maybe this'll refresh your memory.
Roz-- of course! MARTIN (laughing): Well look who's back.
Well, who's this, then? I'd say it was Marty Crane but he's a bit too young and trim, eh? Oh, go on.
Can I offer you a beer? Oh, I hate to drink alone.
Can I have a sandwich with that? MARTIN: Yeah.
If that beer-swilling boomerang thinks he's staying here he's got another think coming.
(phone rings) Better get a move on.
He already has your address on his duffel bag.
We better get going if we're going to reach the cabin by dark.
"Cabin"? Yes, Mel and I are celebrating our six-month anniversary by, uh, taking a little midweek getaway to her friend's country place.
Yes, no phones, no stress-- just two days of rest and relaxation.
I do have to pick up a little anniversary gift, though.
So, give me nine minutes and meet me at the northwest corner of Pike and Elm at 4:42.
Coming up on 4:33 Mm-hmm, synchronizing Now.
Good.
I'm relaxing already.
Mmm Mmm SIMON: Thank you, Marty.
That's most hospitable of you.
Well, you have to have a place to stay.
Stop right there! He cannot stay here.
The man is loud, ill-mannered and the last time he stayed here, he killed a ficus tree on the downstairs neighbor's balcony by means which are best left to the imagination.
Frasier, I invited Simon to stay in my Winnebago.
Come on, Simon.
I'll show you your new digs.
Oh, Lord, Simon, you know, I'm sorry Oh, no, no, no, forget about it.
It's no worse than what I was just saying about you in the kitchen.
(chuckling): Good one.
He thinks I'm joking.
(laughing) Join me in a sherry, Frasier? Oh, I think I will, Niles.
You know, I have to admit I'm a little bit nervous about this trip.
I have a feeling Mel may make another push for us to live together.
Oh, my.
Well, she's been bringing it up quite a lot lately.
She says it's a good way to test our relationship.
You afraid you'll discover things about each other that you won't like? Oh, no, no-no-no, we're past that stage.
She knows my likes and dislikes.
I've become attuned to her various quirks Mm-hmm.
Eccentricities bugaboos Ah.
Bêtes noires (chuckles) Night terrors That's the fun of being in love.
I don't know what's bothering me.
Is it possible that your foot-dragging might have anything to do with some lingering feelings for Daphne? Frasier, uh, you must realize I put that behind me months ago.
Just asking.
I'm very happy with Mel.
Well, then, what's your problem? Uh, well let's see, uh I just got through a rough divorce.
Uh, I do have a tendency to be overly cautious.
This could be a chance to change all that.
So, you're in favor of it? Well I've never really been the president of the Mel fan club, but she does seem to make you happy, and as we were reminded this morning, life is not to be taken in baby steps.
Ask not for whom the doorman buzzes Thank you.
All right.
That was much-needed therapy, Frasier.
Well, Niles, it's my pleasure.
You are my brother.
You get the family rate.
Hey, Niles.
Got all the way down to the Winnebago and realized I had the wrong keys.
I'll see you guys in a couple of days.
Bye.
You don't say, Mum? Your phlebitis again? Daphne! Oh, got to go now, Mum.
Dr.
Crane's on the warpath again.
Bye.
Thank you.
Okay.
Daph, you know, I'm glad you're here because I was thinking about that wine of Morrie's.
You know, that's something, really, for a special occasion.
So, I'd like you to have it for the wedding.
Enjoy it on your honeymoon.
(sobbing): Oh Mr.
Crane Oh, oh, Daphne, come on.
That's so sweet.
Come on, now.
It's only a bottle of wine.
I don't even know much about it.
Frasier, help me out here, will you? Well, Dad, Chateau Petrus is a premier cru Bordeaux No, no Oh.
I-I mean with Daphne.
There you go.
All right, Daph, oh Oh I'm sorry to get so emotional like this.
It's all right.
I guess the funeral must've really upset you.
It's not that.
Dr.
Crane, I've wanted to talk to you about this all week but I haven't known what to say.
Can you promise you'll keep this just between us? Of course.
It's about your brother.
You see, I know.
Know what? I know about his feelings for me.
My God! How did you find out? It's not important.
Somebody blabbed, didn't they?! Why can't people mind their own business? Who was the nattering gossip?! Roz?! Dad?! You.
What?! You were taking those pills for your back and you blurted it out while I was giving you a massage.
Oh, well, they were very strong pills, you see Needless to say, it completely took my breath away.
At first, I tried to forget about it put it out of my mind.
Yes, well, the bottle said to take just one, but Oh, will you shut up about those pills.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Daphne.
Anyway, after a while, I couldn't put it out of my mind anymore.
I find myself thinking about him all the time.
(sobbing) Daphne are you saying that you have feelings for Niles? I think I do.
Oh, I don't know.
Even if I did, he may not feel that way about me anymore.
He's with Mel now.
I don't know what to tell you, Daph.
Uh I-I think th-the best thing is to-to try to find a way to talk with Niles.
That's not an easy conversation to have.
It's easier now than after you're married.
You're right.
I have to talk to him, and right away.
I'm already making myself sick over this.
If I leave it any longer, I'll be acomplete basket case.
Uh, did he mention if he was going home? Well, uh (stammering) Actually, uh, he's-he's going somewhere else first.
Um Where? Get you some towels and you'll be all set down there.
Right.
(sobbing) MARTIN: Oh, geez, Daphne, it's just a bottle of wine.
(doorbell rings) DAPHNE: I'll get it.
Oh Dr.
Crane, I didn't even know you'd gone out.
I thought you might be your brother.
I went down to get the mail and got all these wedding gifts for you, but don't worry-- Niles called and said he'd be coming by this afternoon.
I don't even know how I'm going to begin this conversation.
I'm sure those chocolate chip-blackened teeth will be a nice icebreaker.
I've been so nervous lately.
I've done nothing but stuff meself with junk food.
(doorbell rings) It's him.
All right, all right, all right, fine.
You're going to be just fine, okay? Remember to speak from the heart.
Mr.
Crane! Thanks.
Eddie started doing his "I-don't-know- how-much-longer- I-can-hold-this" dance, and I just ran out without my keys.
Ever see him do that dance? Just the droll impression of it you do at parties, Dad.
You know, Mr.
Crane, Eddie seems awful fidgety.
I don't think he got enough exercise on that walk.
Anybody needs any exercise, it's you, the way you're eating now.
You know, when they put "party size" on that cookie bag they don't mean "party of one.
" (doorbell rings) Simon, what do you want? Well, I've just come to borrow a pen so I could fill out this job application.
What? Oh, you're applying for work? Well, here, uh, allow me.
There we are.
Gosh, we'll miss you around here, but onward and upward.
So, what's the job? Doorman.
Dear God.
Why, it's ideal for me, really.
Nice, cozy chair, plenty of time to think the long, long thoughts of youth not to mention what the uniforms do for the ladies, eh, ha-ha! If memory serves, a certain bellhop back in Manchester found that out with a young lady who will remain nameless.
Simon! I'm this close to just poppin' him one.
Now, now, Daphne, Daphne, you just have to calm down.
Here.
Have a cookie.
What is up with your appetite lately? What, you knocked up or something? Of course not, you Now, now, you wouldn't be the first person in our family to be walking down the aisle carrying more than just a bouquet.
(angry muttering) (grunting) (doorbell rings) Uh, Simon, why don't you finish filling that out in the kitchen, and help yourself to a beer? Well, great.
Roz! Hi, guys.
Hey, Frasier, I felt kind of bad about the other day dumping you as my wedding date You want me back, don't you? and I'm sick about it, but I can't find anybody else.
Sorry, Roz, I already invited somebody else.
She's driving up on Saturday to join me.
Get rid of her! I need a date.
I'm desperate! Well, well, somebody here is singin' my favorite song.
Simon, there's a guy who lives in the park across the street from me.
He wears a cat suit and meows at people.
If he's busy, maybe I'll call you.
I'm prettying myself up, just in case.
Speaking of which, Daphne-- I borrowed your blow-dryer for my job interview.
I spent an hour looking for that! I thought I was losing my mind! Well, that does happen to women in your condition-- you know, in a family way You're pregnant?! I amnotpregnant! What, just another scare, then, like that time back in school with that Pakistani chap? That's it, you pig! Ooh.
Put me down.
Daphne and I are going out for a breath of fresh air, perhaps to retrieve her blow-dryer.
Oh, if Niles should happen to stop by, keep him here.
There's something important I need to discuss with him.
Oh, for God's sake, put me down.
Not until you promise not to kill your brother.
Oh, all right.
It's not as if he doesn't deserve it.
Telling everyone I'm carrying Donny's baby-- like I don't have enough to worry about today waiting for Dr.
Crane.
Daphne, Daphne, you have to calm down.
It's not easy.
I don't even know how to begin with him.
"Would you like steak or salmon at my wedding? And by the way, I think I might be in love with you.
" Daphne, you'll find the words when the time comes, all right? Don't pretend you're not listening, Mrs.
Richman.
Your laundry is not thatinteresting.
Oh, come on, George.
I'm desperate here.
I promise you a good time.
I mean areally good time, if you get my drift.
You might have mentioned I was on speaker phone.
Listen to what you're doing, Roz.
It's not very dignified, is it? Come on, Roz, give Simon a chance.
What, so he can stand me up again? And miss my sister's wedding? Never.
Well, if you're worried about my appearance, I know where I can get my hands on some very nice Armani suits.
Or you can just grab one out of Frasier's closet.
What do you think he was talking about? All right but, Simon, just remember-- my ex-boyfriend will be there.
If anybody asks, you're an Internet millionaire.
Right.
I'll be your perfect well-bred, upmarket gentleman.
Now, I'll walk you to the garage.
Oh, you don't have to.
Oh, it's no bother-- I live there.
Roz! Niles! Simon! Well, by the look of that smile on your face, I'd say somebody got himself a bit last night.
I find that remark rude, boorish and impossible to deny! Brilliant! Niles, how was your trip? Oh, fantastic, Dad.
Where's Frasier? I have some news.
Oh, he'll be back in a bit.
What's up? Oh, uh, well, I should wait for Frasier.
It was really his idea.
Do you mind? I can wait.
Okay.
I can't.
What is it? I'm married.
Married? Yes.
Mel and I eloped yesterday.
Well? Well congratulations, son! That's great.
So, uh, you're happy, right? Oh, happy? I'm delirious.
Yeah, you'd have to be, wouldn't you? So, uh, you say this was Frasier's idea? Well, indirectly, yeah.
Oh, before I forget, it occurred to me-- I think we should keep this from Daphne and Donny.
I would hate for them to think that we're stealing their thunder.
Oh, Niles.
Frasier.
Three guesses what I did yesterday.
What? Daphne.
Dr.
Crane.
Send Daphne away.
Get rid of your father.
Daphne, could you go to the drugstore? I'm all out of liniment and my back's getting kind of achy.
Dad, that's because you've been sitting in that chair all day.
I tell you what, you know what you could use? A good walk to the drugstore.
It'll do you a world of good.
I'll go with you.
Oh-oh, okay.
All right.
Niles, why don't you come, too? Yeah, we'll all go.
No! No, there's something very important I need to discuss with Dad, Niles.
I'm sure you understand.
Fras! (phone rings) Oh, excuse me.
Hello? Mel, darling.
No, just hanging out with Daphne.
Honestly, Dad, whenwill you learn to take a hint? Ican't take a hint?! Couldn't you see that Niles wanted to talk to you? Whatever it is, he can wait.
Oh, yeah, no big deal.
He just got married, that's all.
What?! He eloped with Mel yesterday.
Poor Daphne.
Would you please keep out of this, Mrs.
Richmond! We have got to get back up there! We're going to the basement! I can't wait that long! See you later darling.
Sorry about that.
Oh, it's all right.
So, 48 hours till the big day-- you must be pretty excited.
It's funny you should mention that.
You see, Dr.
Crane Yes, Daphne? (yelling): Niles! Dr.
Crane! You're back awfully soon.
And you-you're all out of breath.
Is something wrong? Uh, no, no.
It's just that there's something I need to discuss with Niles.
What, now? We were just having a chat.
Well, I'm sure it can wait, Daphne.
Daphne, Daphne, I need to talk to Frasier, too-- if you don't mind.
Oh, of course not.
It's not like I had anything important to talk about! Daphne all right? Well, it's just, uh, wedding stuff, I guess.
Uh, speaking of which, I-I understand you have some some news? You're married? Yes.
I guess Dad couldn't contain himself any more than I could.
I thought you were just going to move in together.
Well, so did I, but the strangest thing happened.
As we talked about it, we got more and more excited about the idea of being together, and then I remembered your advice to stop taking baby steps through life.
Before we knew it, we were asking the waitress for a phone book so we could find a justice of the peace! (doorbell rings) What can I say but congratulations? Martin or should I say Dad? Yeah.
I heard.
Hello.
Darling, darling, it occurred to me I think perhaps we should try to keep this quiet from Daphne.
Keep what quiet? Oh, we can't keep something like this a secret.
We got married.
Did you? NILES: Yes.
While we were out of town.
But the last thing we want is to upstage you and Donny so we are not mentioning this outside this room.
Well, I am just so happy for you both.
We're having champagne.
Would you like to join us? I'd love to, but I have to get a check down to the caterer's.
They're closing early today.
Let me drive you over, Daph.
Oh, no, I'm fine.
Congratulations again.
Oh, save a glass for me.
(sobbing) This is the lounge.
Through there is the dining area where the rehearsal dinner will be.
This is lovely.
Say, have you seen the bride-to-be yet? I'd like to have a word with her.
No, I haven't.
So, I thought we'd have the toast right before dessert.
Dr.
Crane! Gosh, Daphne, I was wondering where you'd gotten to yesterday.
After the caterers I went straight to Donny's so we could leave bright and early together.
It's lovely up here, isn't it? Oh, yes.
Anybody else want something from the bar? Um, Scotch rocks.
Donny, it's barely noon.
Isn't that when your mom said she'd be here? Give him a double.
Um, Daphne, I was actually hoping I'll have whatever he's having.
Roz.
I don't even know why I came to this wedding.
Hi, Daphne.
I was all set to drive up here myself when I think "wait a minute.
"I can't walk into that lobby alone.
What if my ex-boyfriend is here?" So, I agreed to drive up with Simon.
There I am standing on the curb with my garment bag and what does he pull up in? Your father's Winnebago.
Thank you.
Don't go anywhere.
Next thing I know, we're heading down the highway in the wrong direction towards the airport.
Hey I wasn't kidding.
Turns out he's promised to ferry your entire family up here.
All 14 of them? Fifteen.
Your Aunt Ida got the weekend off from the bakery.
Judging by the size of her, it'll be the first Saturday they turn a profit.
You know, Donny, maybe you could take Roz out for a walk in that rejuvenating country air while I have a word with your fiancee? Come on, Roz, let's go.
You don't mind if I just take this with me, do you? Well, uh I didn't think so.
Daphne, I wanted you to know that I'm just completely devastated by what happened.
It's all right, Dr.
Crane.
It's just when I advised you to have a chat with Niles I had no idea he'd run off and get married.
I know your concern for me, but I'm fine.
I thought about it all last night, and I realized what I was feeling was just wedding jitters.
I do love your brother, but I'm in love with Donny.
You're not just putting on a brave face? No.
I'm a bit embarrassed now, making you worry for no reason.
Oh, it's all right, Daphne.
It's what I do.
You've always been such a wonderful friend.
In fact, I brought this for the honeymoon, but I'd like you to have it.
Oh, Daphne, I couldn't.
Donny and I aren't wine drinkers.
I wouldn't dream of it.
Really.
All right, I'll keep it.
Now I've hurt your feelings.
Here.
Gosh, Daphne I tell you what.
I promise that when I do drink this, I'll be thinking of you.
Oh, come here.
Oh, Daph.
There's my baby.
Hi, Mummy.
(both groan happily) Mum, this is Oh, I know who he is, love.
I want to thank you, Donny, for rescuing my daughter from that horrible Dr.
Crane.
Well, actually Every time I call her, I'm not on the phone five minutes before that tyrant is ordering her to hang up.
Cup of tea, please.
I thought my daughter might get me one, but she didn't.
God, this seat's worse than the Winnebago.
Though not half as uncomfortable as that sardine tin of a room you arranged for me.
Oh, God, can't bear the smell of that.
Take it away.
Oh Reminds me of the salmon they served on the airplane.
Oh, if it doesn't have me hurling me guts out, it'll be by God's own intervention.
Now give your new mum a kiss, Donny.
Oh, actually, Mum, this isn't Donny.
DONNY: Oh, is this Mum? This is Donny.
Hi.
Well, come here.
Let's have a look at you.
We've be starting to think our Daphne would never find herself a young man.
And I see she hasn't.
Well, beggars can't be choosers.
Well, I'm going to go and see if your father's stomach is feeling any better.
He keeps saying it's tension.
What he's got to be tense about, I'll never know.
I was worried she'd be in one of her dark moods.
(crowd talking) Daphne's brothers know how to let loose, don't they? MARTIN: Boy, I'll say.
Now, listen, about their names.
The one who'll eat anything on a bet, that's Nigel.
No, no, that's Peter.
Nigel's the one whose Band-Aid he ate.
See ya.
Hey, Fras.
Had enough, huh? Oh, yeah.
I think I hit my limit when in the middle of my toast I looked down and there was a man chewing on my boutonniere.
Oh, God, it's been a hell of a week.
I still can't get over Niles and Mel.
Didn't see that coming.
Well, at least he says she makes him happy.
So there's nothing you can do about it.
Actually Fras, don't even think about trying to talk him out of it.
He's married.
End of story.
It's really not that simple, Dad.
You see I shouldn't be talking to you about this.
Is this about Daphne? Why do you say that? Oh, come on, I got eyes.
I know something's going on.
I seen the way she's been looking at him.
She found out how Niles has felt about her all these years.
You're kidding? How'd she find out? That's not important right now, Dad.
The problem is that she told me that she might have the same feelings for him.
Oh, geez.
Of course, then Niles shows up married.
Now she says it's just jitters.
Well, you can't tell Niles all this.
He says he's happy with Mel.
She says she's happy with Donny.
And I'm not sure I believe either one of them.
Just remember, Fras, there are two marriages on the line here.
So, before you get involved, you better make damn sure you know what you're doing.
Who blabbed? Roz? Yes, but she feels terrible.
Hello, boys.
Hey A pack of smokes, please, barkeep.
Oh, lovely spot, isn't it? I just took a nice little stroll outside around the wishing well.
Oh.
That'll be four dollars, please.
Oh, yeah, right.
This ought to cover it.
(coins clattering) Tim, what a surprise.
I had no idea you'd be here.
Simon come here.
Show time.
Simon, this is my old friend Tim.
He's a computer programmer.
Oh, what a coincidence.
With me owning my own software company.
Really? What sort of applications are you focused on? Voice recognition, data encryption, something I'm working on for NASA.
Can't discuss that one.
Oh, very impressive.
And Roz, are you still producing? I'll say she is.
(hearty laugh) Excuse me.
Mind if we join you guys? Oh, please.
Sure.
There's plenty of room.
Give me a beer, please.
Sorry we didn't get a toast out of you, Mr.
Crane.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I really wanted to, Daphne.
But I just felt kind of awkward.
Oh, it's all right.
Anyway, I should be toasting you.
I'm going to miss you, you rotten old sod.
BARTENDER: Ballentine okay? Oh, yeah, that's my beer.
Yes.
You know, I just found out they're going to quit making this stuff.
Really? Yeah.
There's an end of a era.
That's right.
It's going to be one sad day when I get down to my last one.
You know, it's funny you get used to having something in your life.
It's part of your day.
Just take it for granted.
Then suddenly it's gone, and you realize how much it meant to you.
(slow music starts) Hey, guys, great party.
Oh, uh, Mel, why don't you take my seat? I'm going to sit here and enjoy the music.
I'll join you, Fras.
Take my beer over there.
I just want to go to the restroom.
You know, seeing that this is my last night as a carefree bachelor, would you care to dance, Miss? I'd love to.
Uh-oh.
Well, certainly picked the perfect spot for your wedding.
It is, isn't it? We're doing the ceremony in the garden.
Oh.
It'll be beautiful.
I love this song.
Well, where are my manners? Would you like to dance? All right.
Give us a chance to keep an eye on those two.
Oh it's been a while since we've danced together.
Yes, it has.
Thanks for dinner.
It's been a wonderful evening.
It's one of those times you just don't want to end.
(song ends, applause) (new song begins) Excuse me, sir.
You mind if I cut in? Not at all.
Thank you.
Darling.
What in the world was so urgent that you brought me all the way up here? Niles, just sit down.
Something I need to discuss with you.
Uh I was watching you on the dance floor just now and the look in your eyes was unmistakable.
Well, can you blame me? Mel's quite the little dancer.
Of course, her vertigo does rule out any serious twirling, but Niles, I'm talking about Daphne.
The way you were looking at her well, it just breaks my heart.
Frasier, it was one thing when you were beating this drum the other day, but I'm married now.
What's it going to take to convince you that I am over her? She knows.
What? Daphne knows that you have feelings for her.
She's known for some time.
How? Well, it's a long story.
I think Roz said something.
Anyway, she knows.
I knew you thought my marriage to Mel was hasty but to poison it like this? I'm not going to listen to this.
Niles, Daphne feels the same way about you.
At least I think she does.
She told me as much the other day and then she denied it once you got married.
But I saw the way she was looking at you downstairs just now.
Oh, my God.
Niles, I'm not in the habit of breaking up people's marriages.
But how could I not tell you? You're my brother.
I love you.
(knocking) MEL: Niles, darling? Yes, honey? You left with our only room key.
Oh, oh.
Here.
I'll let you through this way.
I am so sorry.
It's all right.
You have a whole lifetime to make it up to me.
(chuckling nervously) (gasping) This is awful.
I love Mel.
It's just Oh, I know.
I know.
I have to talk to Daphne.
Come with me.
Maybe while I'm speaking to her, you can find some way to occupy Donny! Hello, Daphne.
Hey, Doc.
Things were getting a little too wild for us down there.
Oh, just as well.
We all have a very big day tomorrow.
About that, Daphne, can I have a word with you? All right.
Go ahead.
I'm going to get out of these shoes, and I'll see you in a few minutes.
Good night.
You know, I'll just brave the horde, see if I can get myself a nightcap.
Uh good night.
Come in.
So, Daphne? Yes? May I offer you something to drink? Um, no, thank you.
Oh, all right.
Anyway, Daphne Perhaps an Orangina.
Oh, all right.
Maybe I'll join you.
Funny thing about Orangina-- I never buy Orangina at home, but whenever I'm in a hotel and there's a mini-bar, it's the first thing I go for.
Orangina.
Anyway I was just talk talking to Frasier about a conversation you two had.
Oh, dear.
No, no.
Don't get upset.
I specifically asked him not to say anything.
What was he thinking? No, I'm glad he told me.
Oh, yes.
So we can have a big talk about it.
That's what you psychiatrists always do-- drag everything out in the open so we can work through it no matter how awkward it might be.
Well, I just don't see the point.
Daphne, I'm glad he told me because I love you.
(laughing): Excuse me.
Dad? Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought you were in here with Frasier.
The boys are playing a game called William Tell with the seltzer hose, and Uh, oh, well, uh anyway.
Why don't you two just go on doing whatever you were doing, and I'll just, uh I'll be down in the lobby by the fireplace.
Dr.
Crane, you shouldn't say such things.
It's the truth.
Lord knows, I have tried to deny it, tried to pretend that I'm over you, but not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you-- your smile, your beautiful eyes, what it would be like to hold your hands and ask you the question I never dared ask What's the difference between a blister and a boil? Donny! I took my shoe off, and it was like I'm growing another anklebone down here.
Doc, you went to med school.
What am I supposed to do with this? Lance it or something? You know, as I recall the best thing for that would be to soak it in tepid water for at least half an hour.
All right.
What luck, huh? Can you imagine a worse thing could have happened to me the night before my wedding? I don't understand.
How come you never said anything before? Daphne, I wanted to.
I just the timing never seemed right.
Oh, and the timing's right now? I'm 12 hours from the altar and you're on your honeymoon.
I would never have gotten married if I thought there was the slightest chance that you shared my feelings.
Trust me, Daphne, say the word, and I will leave Mel in a heartbeat.
MEL: Niles? Darling.
I was just looking over these brochures for our honeymoon.
Hi, Daphne.
Hi.
The Danieli has a step-down tub, but the Gritti has the most romantic view of the Grand Canal.
What do you think? I think a woman with your exquisite taste can handle this decision.
He says that now.
Wait till the honeymoon's over.
Don't the doors in this bloody place lock? I'll get this one.
You get that one! Daphne, it is not too late for us.
I meant what I said when I said I would leave her.
That's crazy.
No, no, it's not crazy if you feel the same way I do.
But I need you to tell me, and I can accept it if the answer is no how do you feel about me? (door opening) Pardon.
Simon? How could you get in here? Frasier loaned me his key, in a manner of speaking.
I have to get some things out of the mini-bar.
I don't want to get caught empty-handed when last call comes.
You're not having a last call of your own in here, are you? Of course not.
Right.
This isn't the chap whose baby you're having, is it? Excuse me? I'm not pregnant! Simon! Bit of bad news.
Nigel! Peter's got sick into the piano so we've been asked to vacate the bar.
Bloody hell, Daphne.
Nice hotel you picked.
Well, Nigel, I'm sure Daphne won't mind we help ourselves to the contents of her mini-bar.
Away you go.
Right.
Give us a hand, lads! Nigel! Stephen! Peter! David! Michael! Billy! What are you all doing in here? So here you all are.
What is the point of bringing the party down to the Winnebago when there's a perfectly nice room right here? You're not moving the party in here.
Oh, Daphne, don't get your blood pressure up.
You've got your baby to think of.
Here, have a drink and relax oh, God.
I'm sorry about all that.
I must be in love.
It doesn't even bother me that you come with them.
Lovely night, isn't it? Hmm.
Stars are out.
There's a nice breeze.
(inhaling) Hmm? Night-blooming jasmine.
And of course, there's the beautiful girl.
Dr.
Crane, I still haven't answered your question.
Yes, I know.
That's why I keep talking.
In case I don't get the answer I want, I can at least make this moment last a little longer.
I'm not sure if it's jasmine or orange blossoms.
You know, a lot of times Oh, for God's sake, Dr.
Crane.
I think you can call me Niles now.
No.
I don't think I can.
I do love you, but I can't do this.
W-w-well, I know it'll be difficult, b-but I will get a divorce, and you can call off the wedding.
I can't.
Donny is a dear and wonderful man, and I made a promise to him.
And, Mel-- you made more than a promise to her.
We were supposed to forget that? For what? We have no idea how we'd be together.
For heaven's sakes, we've never even been on a date.
Daphne, take it from someone who knows.
You don't want to spend half your life thinking about a chance you didn't take.
I'm sorry.
My mind's made up.
I think we should say good night now.
Good night, Daphne.
Good night, Dr.
Crane.
Hey, Niles.
Don't tell me the ceremony's over already.
Oh, no, it hasn't even started yet.
Actually, we saw you heading over this way.
We thought maybe you could use some company.
I just felt like some privacy.
This is one wedding I couldn't see myself handling very well.
Oh, lots of people cry at weddings.
Yeah, but not so many end up wailing and rending their garments.
I appreciate your coming over, but I'd hate for you to miss it on my account.
Actually, it's been delayed a bit.
You see, the justice of the peace started out asking the witnesses to step forward, and three of Daphne's brothers just ran off into the woods.
(knocking) Ah.
Hello.
Here's your wine, sir.
Yes.
Thank you very much, young man.
Uh, and, uh, this is for you.
What is this? Well, Niles, I got to thinking about our old friend Morrie and how he kept this bottle of wine his entire life waiting for a special occasion.
And then, I thought what occasion am I saving it for? And then I thought about what a courageous thing you did last night-- taking that chance.
And that's worth a toast.
No, no, Frasier Niles, it's too late.
The foil is pierced.
I know this thing between you and Mel seems kind of bad right now, but Oh, now, Dad, why do you say that? Just because I spent the third night of my marriage proposing to another woman? Well, I'm just saying that marriages survive all kinds of stuff.
You know, you might still be happy.
Ten years from now, this could all be ancient history.
I hope you're right.
FRASIER: All right, gentlemen.
Here we are.
Dad, Niles-- allow me.
To better days.
Dad, where did Morrie keep this? In his wine rack.
Which is? In the boiler room.
Oh, Lord.
I'll just save this little treat for later.
Yes, well, thanks for the thought.
You two should be running along.
I'll be fine.
All right, well, take care, Niles.
FRASIER: I saw a waiter passing champagne just outside.
I'll have him bring you a glass, so you can Get the taste out.
Yes, thank you, Frasier.
(knocking) Come in.
Hello.
Daphne.
I was wondering if you might be free for a date.
Oh, my God, yes.
There's plenty of time for that later.
Let's get this bloody boat moving.
What you mean now? There's about a hundred people back there I'm not so keen on seeing.
All right.
Let's go then.
Fasten your seat belt, Daphne.
Fasten yours, Niles.
Hey, baby, I hear the blues a'callin' Tossed salads and scrambled eggs Oh, my And maybe I seem a bit confused Well, maybe, but I got you pegged (laughing) But I don't know what to do With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs They're callin' again.
Good night, Seattle! We love you!