The Middle s07e24 Episode Script

1 [Crow caws.]
[Southern accent.]
If y'all would just step right this way, Aunt Granny would be durned pleased [British accent.]
to show you to your eatin' spot.
[Normal voice.]
How was that? I feel like sometimes my southern slips into British.
Didn't notice.
I don't hear your voice.
Spent my whole life training myself to block it out.
Okay, well, I got to lock this thing down before I leave for Dollywood on Sunday.
Here, let me try one more.
Do you have to go for the whole summer? Don't leave me with all these boys.
- I'm gonna miss you.
- Mm.
[British accent.]
I'll miss you, too, Mum.
[Normal voice.]
Seriously? Hey.
Maybe we should do something to send you off.
You go Sunday, right? - Maybe we can do something Saturday.
- Ooh.
Mike, let's do a thing for Sue on Saturday.
Let's see.
Do we have anything? Oh.
Wait, I put a star there.
Do you know what that is? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it's something we didn't pay for that's gonna get cut off.
Well, anyway, we're doing a thing Saturday, so don't make any plans.
Anybody got any questions? I have a question.
Was anyone planning on coming to my graduation? What? [Chuckles.]
Duh.
O-Of course we are.
Why do you think I put a star on this Saturday? I put it there for you, Mr.
Eighth Grade Graduate Star Boy, and I'm gonna put another one right next to it because you are the star of Saturday.
Really? 'Cause it seemed like you were talking about a big celebration for Sue.
No, no, no, no, no.
Not big.
Minor.
We were just trying to see if we could fit her big day into your bigger day, but we probably can't, right, guys? - Yeah.
Uh-huh.
- What? Good, 'cause I signed up to do a performance at the ceremony and I kind of thought you'd all be there.
I'm singing a song.
- What? So I don't get a - [Snaps fingers.]
Singing? Wow! It occurred to me that I've never really had my moment in the sun.
You know, like in novels when the main character embarks on the hero's journey and he faces all kinds of obstacles, but ultimately has his moment in the sun.
I guess I thought being valedictorian would be it, but then my girlfriend stole that from me, so I signed up for a talent.
I'm really excited about it.
And we're excited, too.
That's why I'm gonna put a musical note right next to the two stars I put there for your graduation.
Shut up.
Frankie: So, summer was right around the corner, and Axl, being Axl, had scored the cushiest job of all time at the Orson Heights Country Club.
I know a lot of the other counselors are uptight.
They want you to "follow the rules" and do activities that won't "break your neck," but I'm not like that.
I'm super fun, but I'm also super chill, which is why you guys can call me Axl, or Ax, or the Ax Man.
How about "Peaked in High School"? [Laughter.]
Okay, wow.
That was really mean, but it's cool 'cause I'm chill.
So, as I was saying What are you, 30? I'm not 30.
Then why do you have all those lines on your face? I don't have lines on my face.
I just like to carry a healthy tan.
Hey, Peaked, your mother's on line one on your forehead.
[Laughter.]
I am so excited, Brad.
I can't believe two kids from Orson would actually make it all the way to Pigeon Forge.
[Chuckles.]
Oh, slight snafu but happy accident We have to be there Saturday, not Sunday.
Oh, that's a big snafu, Brad.
Brick's graduation is on Saturday.
Oh, I'm so, so sorry.
I was looking at last year's Lady Gaga calendar, not this year's, so I got my days mixed up.
I just couldn't take last year's down.
Nobody puts Gaga in a wastebasket.
This is bad, Brad.
What are we supposed to do? We? I'm a featured ensemble dancer in "Ramblin' Jack's Banjo Review" and I have a show Saturday.
Oh, my God.
You're right.
I'm just Aunt Granny.
If I don't show up, they can literally put anyone in the wig and glasses and replace me.
I mean, obviously I am gonna bring something special to showing people to their table, but they don't know that yet.
My God, this is so dramatic.
I hate drama.
I mean, I love drama, but not this drama.
You know, Brick's only in eighth grade, right? That's not even a big graduation.
Do you have to be there? I mean, this is Dollywood, Sue.
Two years ago, a guy from one of the shows was tapped to understudy a spoon in the touring company of "Beauty and the Beast.
" Frankie: Hey, there's my graduation singer.
Are you excited for your big day, which is this Saturday at 1:00? Oh, Mom, I'm not allowed to sing anymore.
Mrs.
Lang said too many kids signed up this year.
Wait, what? I thought it was open to everybody.
Yeah, well, not this year.
Mrs.
Lang said the teachers decided the ceremony would be too long, so they put all our names in a hat and picked nine kids who get to perform.
I'm one of six that didn't get picked.
What? Well, that's random.
Yep.
I guess they drew names in the teachers' lounge.
All I know is I'm not doing anything at graduation.
I'm not valedictorian.
I'm not gonna sing my song.
So much for my moment in the sun.
Apparently my hero's journey ends with a resounding "meh.
" [Bag dragging.]
What's with Charlie Brown over there? You're not gonna believe this.
Brick's not allowed to sing at graduation anymore because the school suddenly decided too many kids signed up.
[Scoffs.]
Everybody thinks they're a star.
When I was a kid, you couldn't have paid anyone to sing.
The whole thing seems fishy to me.
I mean, 15 kids sign up, and, all of a sudden, they only have room for nine acts? And what nine? A random nine, or the nine with the parents who volunteer and actually show up? I'm telling you, it's fuzzy math.
Oh, well.
It's not fair, Mike.
It's not fair that they're pulling the rug out from under him at the last minute like this.
We got to do something.
Do we? Do we really? We're so close to the end.
Maybe we could just let this one go.
No.
We always do that when it comes to Brick.
He always gets the short end of the stick.
We float his birthday.
We drive off and leave him at restaurants.
Remember how we used to mark Sue and Axl's height on the wall? We did it like one or two times with Brick, and that was it.
And who knows? Maybe that's why he didn't get any taller.
'Cause we stopped marking it.
[Sighs.]
We're awful, Mike.
We're awful, awful parents.
We're not awful, awful.
We're just regular awful.
No.
You saw him.
He was really upset, and I don't blame him.
You know what? I'm going down to the school.
[Groans.]
You think I want to go down there? I'm the last person that wants to go down there.
I'm not a "going down there" person.
But this is important.
This might be the last shot we have to do right by our kid while he's young enough to still need us, and we have to have his back.
Hang on.
You're a little worked up, and we don't know exactly what happened here, so how about I go down there and try to straighten this thing out? Ooh, yes.
Good thinking.
It'll be scarier coming from a man.
And don't forget to tell them Brick was really looking forward to performing, and remind them that I brought fruit salad to the school fair.
Or was that Axl's class? Don't mention the fruit salad! [Sweetly.]
Hey, Brick.
Mm! So, I can't believe you're graduating, huh? Big day.
Big day.
Of course, not as big as your high-school graduation, which I will definitely be there for.
You know, Brick, I have always felt like you and I have had a special connection.
Really? Definitely.
I feel like we're super-close.
It seems like just yesterday you were my little baby brother.
- Mm.
- [Upbeat music plays.]
I love when the sun pokes through the clouds - And then - Frankie: No, no, no.
Nice try, but I already told you you're not missing your brother's graduation.
But if I miss my first day, they could fire me! Okay, you know what seems the most fair is if we let Brick decide.
Brick? I sat through three showings of "The Loneliest Locker.
" I want you there.
So, how'd it go at the school? Well, Brick had it right.
They drew names, and he wasn't picked.
So did you tell his teacher the whole thing was ridiculous? I started to, but they feel it was fair.
Well, did you say they should've had the drawing in front of the school, not a secret drawing? Did you say it was fuzzy math? Did you say that? Look, I-I didn't want to push it.
She said it's the end of the year and all the teachers are tired.
Well [Scoffs.]
that that that's not an excuse.
I'm tired, Mike.
We're all tired.
So what did you say? I said that I thought it would be great if all the kids that wanted to could perform.
Oh, you thought it'd be great? You know what I think would be great? If I send you to kick butt and you do what you're supposed to do.
And you didn't.
Were you even outraged? No, but I'm getting there now.
- [Sighs.]
- Look, they're going with the nine, and that's it.
So it was a total wasted visit.
You blew our first attempt.
The first attempt is very important, Mike.
Now I'm gonna have to e-mail them, and we're gonna seem like the annoying people.
All that height, and you accomplish nothing.
God, if I had your height, the things I could get done.
Come on, Frankie.
I know he's disappointed, but in a couple days, he'll probably forget all about it.
No, he won't.
He wants his moment in the sun! It's his hero's journey, and, damn it, I'm gonna get it for him.
I'm gonna fix this because I care about my child.
[Sighs.]
What's his teacher's name again? [Grunting.]
Hey, hey! Hey, guys! What's going on? Come on! We've only got a couple days until the Cardboard Regatta.
We got a boat to build if we want to show this camp how Axl's Avengers roll.
Whatevs, dude.
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't "whatevs" me, Colton.
I invented whatevs.
You know what else you invented? Fire.
I'm saying you're old.
Ba-bam! You just got kicked by "The Colt.
" [Laughter.]
Yep, Axl had finally met his match, and it was him.
Frankie.
Can you believe this whole graduation debacle? I know.
So now none of the kids get to perform? Wait, what? Oh, didn't you see the e-mail Mrs.
Lang sent out this morning? All the parents are talking about it.
Some parent whose kid didn't get picked probably went down there and complained, and now the whole thing's off.
I'm sure they were just trying to help facilitate.
They did a drawing.
It was fair.
I told Ron I might go down there.
Is that a good idea? Maybe it's better that nobody gets to do it.
It wouldn't be fair that some kids get their moment in the sun while others don't.
Well, I'm just sick about it.
Now I have to tell Dotty she can't read the poem she's worked so hard on.
It took her weeks to find a rhyme for "aspirations.
" I don't like to use language, Frankie, but this stinks! It really stinks! I forgot to tell you they sent us home with graduation tickets.
Sorry.
A Go-Gurt exploded on them.
Hopefully they're still valid.
Not that it matters, 'cause I'm not doing anything now anyway.
[Sighs.]
Brick, you don't have to perform for people to know you're great.
- You've always been a good kid.
- Oh, yeah? Yeah.
Think about it.
- I remember when you were probably 10 or 11 - [Upbeat music plays.]
I feel so alive and happy If someone had - [Door opens.]
- Sue: We did it! Brad called Dollywood, and now I can go to Brick's graduation.
[Inhales deeply.]
You want to hear the whole story? I think we got the gist.
Brad: First, I called the main line, and they connected me with Eric from HR.
Oh, human resources.
I knew just any old story wasn't gonna fly, so I used my improv training, and I really went for it.
He said that it was vital that I be there for Brick's graduation because we have a very special brother-sister relationship, a very unique brother-sister bond, and that I am the only one he lets change his breathing tube.
[Laughs.]
That one just came to me at the last minute.
It's called "raising the stakes.
" Anyway, they said it was fine if I missed orientation, just as long as I'm there in time Saturday for the lice check and to shadow Aunt Granny's evening shift.
Hang on.
I don't want you driving down there all by yourself.
- I'll take you.
- Okay! But we have to leave by 4:00, so that means no hanging out after the ceremony, taking pictures, and talking to people.
Sold.
Cool.
Hey! Got a sec? I'm not doing your stupid little boat thing.
[Clicks tongue.]
I think it's time we had a, uh, heart-to-heart talk.
You mean a fart-to-fart talk? [Sighs.]
Okay, that's super funny, but I'm being serious.
Listen, man, there's no reason you and I shouldn't be getting along.
Truth is, I look at you, I see myself.
But you got to pull back on the 'tude, dude, okay? You got swag, but you don't need to prove it 24/7.
So here's the deal.
We really need you in this boat race today.
We can't win without you, so, uh, what do you say, hmm? Got my back? [Mockingly.]
You got my back? - Excuse me? - Excuse me? I'm a little idiot.
[Normally.]
Yeah.
You are.
Ugh! All right.
You know what, man? I'm out, okay? Fine.
And And And And I know you think you've won, but you haven't.
It might seem cool to just sit on the sidelines and make fun of everything, but at the end of the day, you're not really cool.
You're just a guy who missed out on a lot of fun stuff.
- Axl: Come on, Colton! - When you think of Axl, wisdom and life lessons aren't the first things that jump to mind.
Yes, Colton! I guess it took the 10-year-old version of himself to bring it out of him.
Push, push, push, push, push! You've got this! Come on! - Boy: Go! Go! Go! Go! - Come on! You've got this! You've got this! Go, go, go, go! Yes! [Laughs.]
Yes, Fart Barge! Whoo! Yep, my boy was finally growing up.
In your face, Cathy's Cuties! - Yeah! - [Laughter.]
Colton: Whoo! Yeah! [Laughs.]
We did it! [Laughs.]
Fart Barge! Hey, Brick.
How was school? It was okay.
In English, we watched "Goonies," in science, we watched "Babe," and in gym, we watched "FernGully.
" Oh, and I was also called into the principal's office.
What? Why? He brought in all six kids that weren't originally chosen and spoke to us individually.
He asked me if I really wanted to do the talent show or if I was just doing it for my mom.
And what did you say? I said I was doing it for my mom.
Brick, Why would you say that?! It seemed like the answer he wanted.
Anyway, it doesn't matter, 'cause now the original nine are back on.
Are you freaking kidding me? Mom, I think it's over.
I think you need to let it go.
[Bell dinging rapidly.]
I need to speak to the principal, so you better get him or her out here right now.
[Dinging continues.]
- [Bell dinging rapidly.]
- Is there a problem out here? I'm sorry, but I can no longer keep silent.
You can't do this.
Every year, the kids can just perform.
Now all of a sudden, there's secret drawings and fuzzy math and interrogations without a parent present.
It's ridiculous.
Look, I understand you're upset, and I know every parent cares about their kid.
Oh, that's where you're wrong! I don't! I forget to pack their lunches.
I put stars on calendars and can't remember what they're for.
I'm not a helicopter parent.
I'm a couch! I'm a self-driving couch that just watches TV.
So I think that when a parent who has a history of sucking as much as I do takes the time to show up, you better stand up and take notice! I am cramming 10 years of not caring into this one fight.
My kid is gonna sing at that ceremony, or I will burn this place to the ground! [Cellphone vibrates.]
They're letting all 15 kids perform at graduation.
It's over.
All right! I prayed for this last night.
God is good.
Mm.
[Sighs.]
Just had a little chat with your principal.
Everybody, including you, get to perform at graduation.
Oh, I don't want to do that anymore.
[Cellphone vibrates.]
Oh, no.
Brick doesn't want to sing at graduation now.
- What? - Why not? I don't know.
[Cellphone vibrates.]
"Brick thinks the whole thing has gotten weird, won't sing.
I'm gonna kill him.
" Wow, Boss Man.
That'll look really bad, you know? Your old lady made this big stink and "Baby Mike" won't even do it? [Cellphone vibrates.]
"Brick says he'd be more comfortable singing a duet with Troy.
" Sweet! - Great.
- I love duets.
- [Cellphone vibrates.]
- Nope.
Frankie says Brick says the school won't let him do duets.
- Aw! - Fascists.
So I guess it's over, huh? Hey.
[Sighs.]
Wait.
Frankie wouldn't [Cellphone vibrates.]
She's going back in.
No duets?! Mrs.
Heck, we can't let kids pair up because I know.
Because Seymour asked Troy to sing, and Troy said no.
But Troy didn't say no to him because he wants to sing by himself.
He said no because he doesn't like Seymour! Now, as I kindly offered in e-mails that were never responded to, I am more than happy to help facilitate.
But I will not sit around and let some stupid random decision hurt my child! - I will - I know.
You'll burn this place to the ground.
At this point, I'd throw you the match.
[Sighs.]
So I did it.
I fought the fight, and fairness won.
Now every kid who wanted to got a chance to perform.
[Strums discordant chord.]
Wait.
[Strums discordant chord.]
Wait.
[Strums discordant chord.]
Wait.
[Distant coughing.]
- [Dissonant violin playing.]
- Dad, it's 3:30, and they haven't even gotten to the diplomas yet.
Why are so many kids performing? When I graduated, like nine kids did it? Paula made me come up here to get a better video.
She's crazy like that.
Not as crazy as the parent who made this whole thing happen, am I right? Rumor has it some mom went cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
And finally, I'd like to introduce our last act Troy Tangaroa and Brick Heck.
Immediately following their song, we will hand out diplomas if we have any time left.
Why'd he look at you when he said that? Shut up.
So, after three hours - [Ukulele plays.]
- the moment I had fought for was finally here.
And then I realized, what exactly had I fought for? I didn't even know if Brick could sing.
The warmth of your love's like the warmth from the sun And this will be our year Took a long time to come Troy: Don't let go of my hand now, the darkness has gone This will be our year Took a long time to come And I won't forget the way you helped me up when I was down And I won't forget the way you said "It'll be all right" You give me faith to go on Now we're there, and we've only just begun - This will be our year - What was I worried about? Brick is amazing.
You know, come to think of it, he's always been amazing ever since the day I laid eyes on him.
The warmth of your smile Smile for me, little one And this will be our year Took a long time to come You don't have to Sue: Dad.
We got to leave now.
It's 4:00.
- Okay, go.
- [Sighs.]
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Sue! Brick! Aww! Oh, congratulations! You did so good! I love you so, so much, but I got to go.
Mwah! [Car door closes.]
Frankie: Sue! Wait! [Sighs.]
Bye, Mom.
Have a great summer.
Make sure you call me when you get there, and tell me what your apartment is like and how your first shift goes and if you have lice.
- I will.
- [Horn honks.]
You can hug in August.
- [Car door closes.]
- Mom, you should go.
Get Sue settled into her new place.
What? No.
We're getting Bodean's chicken and celebrating your big day.
That's okay.
I've already had my moment in the sun thanks to you.
You fought for me.
I mean, I would've given up way before you did.
[Sighs.]
Well, it is in your genes.
Are you sure? - Wait! I'm coming! - [Brakes squeak.]
Take care of your brother.
We're getting him the good chicken from Bodean's.
Spring for some sides, and I'll pay you back later.
[Car door closes.]
- Wait! - [Brakes squeak.]
I understand Dollywood's got some great bookstores.
Axl? Could be fun.
That'd be a big no.
[Car door closes.]
Wait! Wait! Wait, wait, wait! [Grunts.]
Sue will be in a dorky costume.
Can't miss that.
Brick: I have to go to the bathroom.
- Mike: Already? - Axl: Good.
I'm starving.
Sue: No, we're not stopping! Mom packed me snacks.
Frankie: [Clicks tongue.]
Crap.
I forgot the new blue bag.
[All groan.]
Yep, it was the start of a great summer.
- Sue crushed it at Dollywood.
- [Southern accent.]
Follow me to your eatin' spot I will show you, and then y'all will have a great meal.
Off the heat from his graduation song, Brick got invited to his first-ever Fourth of July party.
Mike and I splurged and bought name-brand batteries for the remote.
And Axl? Well, Axl met the love of his life.
But that's a story for another day.
Frankie: We'll make a quick stop for burgers.
Brick: Well, I'm kind of in the mood for Chinese.
Sue: I don't want Chinese.
Well, it's my graduation day.
Axl: Doesn't matter.
We're getting ribs.
Mike: I like ribs.