House, M.D. s08e05 Episode Script

Good afternoon, Cedarville! It is my distinct honor to present our annual community service award to one of our most outstanding citizens.
Now, many of you may recognize him as Coach Bob of our champion Little League team.
And some of you may know him as the treasurer of our Harvest Scholarship Fund.
But I know that all of you know him as the guy that owns the only gas station in town.
Bob Harris, get on up here with that beautiful family of yours.
Bob Harris, folks! Bob, your community activism, charity work and character represent the finest Cedarville has to offer.
Please accept this on behalf of all of us and know that we love you.
Are you all right? Bob? You're crushing me.
Wake up! I think you're having a heart attack.
I'm gonna call the ambulance.
No.
Just drive me to the hospital.
As the new Dean of Medicine, I'd like to personally welcome all of our new employees and ask why the hell do you want to come back? Tired of surfing.
He hasn't changed.
And neither has the job, right? We still get to do crazy crap'? Save people's lives instead of just their noses? About that, about the crazy stuff Here we go.
He's gone from ally to enemy.
He has no choice.
He's the boss now.
He has to be professional.
Has to base his decisions on what's best for the entire hospital.
We can't take it personally.
Couldn't have said it better myself.
You did.
I'm just reading the notes on your desk.
He also wants us to spy for him.
Not spy.
I'm trying to keep House out of prison.
To do that, I need to know what he's doing and planning.
SPY- SPY Come on, guys.
Look, I am your boss, you do have to treat me appropriately, but it doesn't have to be awkward and weird.
Outside of work, I still consider us all friends.
I'm glad you feel that way, because I do have a favor to ask.
I told House I couldn't come back until next week.
He said he understood completely and that I was fired, so Since I have my kids for the next two days, I need a babysitter.
No.
Male patient went into V-fib, but shows no signs of heart disease or any other symptoms for that matter.
What was he doing when his heart decided to do the mambo? He said he was at work.
You're late.
According to my calendar, I'm a week early.
Beard's a nice touch.
Lets everyone know that you're not a teenage girl.
Now, you two make a cute couple.
And you two It's not important.
Dr.
Park.
You're a lot taller than I thought you'd be.
And I look forward to working with you, as well.
He's lying.
Not just Taub, the patient.
These abrasions on his knees, they're minty fresh.
They're about 10 hours old.
He got them playing flag football.
He said he got them playing flag football.
I'm sure that's true, if flag is a euphemism for "penis" and football is a euphemism for "entering a vagina".
Why lie about it? Everybody lies.
Speaking of which, how are your two baby girls? Wow, twins.
Congratulations.
Awkward.
He knocked up two different women at the same time.
At least he thinks he did.
Did you have the DNA tested yet? Why would I? They look just like me.
But they will grow.
Find out what else he's lying about.
Do an exercise test, see if you can get him to go back into V-fib again.
But we could end up causing another cardiac arrest.
Hopefully, then we'll know what set it off.
He means, it's better to do it here where we can revive him than have it happen somewhere else.
The prodigal son has returned.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go slaughter a fatted calf for lunch.
I told you, I was sitting at my desk when the attack happened.
These rug burns are from last night.
We think you were having sex, but memory loss could also be a symptom.
Maybe we should ask your wife? Don't.
I did something stupid last night, but it was a one-time thing.
You have no idea how bad I feel about it.
Your guilt is between you and your wife, we just need to know what happened.
I was having sex at a motel when I started to feel light-headed.
Next thing I knew, I was lying on my back, I could barely breathe.
Is everything all right? We'd like to perform an exercise test.
Recreate the stress that may have caused his symptoms.
He was sitting at his desk.
It's his heart we're worried about.
The test will monitor its rhythm so we can check for any abnormalities.
I spent a month in solitary.
You don't think I can keep this up all day? I have a headache.
Could you just lower your voice? Chase and Taub are back! You want me to pick up an ice cream cake? I also think that Taub has brought his little Taubettes into work with him today.
And why would he do that? Because I didn't give him time to do anything else.
So then I started wondering, "Who'd be sappy enough to watch them for him?" They're not here.
What? I just came for a chat with a friend.
What's that I smell, friend? I understand your confusion.
I was eating a baby for lunch and I have a massive migraine.
Will you, please, just go away? You should probably lie down to rest.
Yeah, I was trying to.
Oh There is one more thing.
He's in too good of shape.
We need to get him to the point he was at last night.
Don't look at me, but if you want to.
Cute, but I didn't mean physical stress.
Don't you guys think this is irresponsible? It's like you getting two women pregnant at the same time.
I just mean the part about the odds of it happening.
They had to be incredibly high.
And if we induce V-fib, odds say that we'll be able to revive him but there's always a chance we can't.
It's extreme and reckless.
That's House.
You get used to it.
Or I fire you.
Look what I found.
Kiddie-winkies.
I wonder who they belong to.
Give me my kids.
No, I genuinely wonder who they belong to.
I need a DNA sample.
I'm not letting you DNA test my kids.
I already did.
This swab's for you.
Fine, if you don't mind paying a fortune in child support for some other guy's kids? No skin cells off my cheek.
His heart rate's finally elevating.
Dr.
Chase said you had something to tell me? We were talking about how you got the abrasions on your knees.
The flag football game? Oh, um Yeah, honey, I'm gonna need you to let the guys know I'm not gonna be able to play on Saturday.
The whole town knows that you're in the hospital.
I wouldn't worry about it.
That's not what you wanted to tell her.
You said the game wasn't typical.
Something happened that you were upset about.
I don't understand.
What are you I don't I don't feel very What's happening? It's not his heart.
I know.
He's having a seizure.
There wasn't any abnormal electrical activity in his EKG when the seizure occurred.
It wasn't caused by V-fib.
We still can't rule it out.
His EKG from the E.
R.
documented it.
Myocarditis? Viral infection weakening the wall muscles.
We'd need to biopsy his heart to confirm.
Myocarditis wouldn't cause a seizure.
Could be genetic.
Brugada syndrome? Oh, my God.
Two prodigal sons.
Come on, let's hug it out.
You really like the idea or you just wanna grab some hair for a DNA test? It's a stupid idea.
We would have seen evidence of Brugada in the EKG.
You know, this is It's just messing with my feng shui here.
What about over there? A pheochromocytoma? Excess adrenaline can cause heart problems and seizures.
Boring.
I'm sorry.
I thought I was here to treat the patients, not entertain you.
Would it hurt to do both? This is much better.
I said it was boring, I didn't say it was wrong.
So I'm right? Nope, you're wrong.
Photic epilepsy.
It's equally boring, but it has the advantage of possibly being right.
Give him an EEG to confirm.
If you ever hear me mention anything about wanting kids, please feel free to punch me in the liver.
Why? Like Satan's alarm clock.
What's House up to? He hasn't asked me for anything, he's been incredibly well behaved, he's doing his clinic hours.
That is a sign of concern.
You know him as well as I do.
He needs to constantly establish he's the alpha dog.
He's got his team back, he's got his office back, he's got everything he needs.
You really believe that? He's content? I don't want to let House sabotage himself by sabotaging me.
And I need your guidance and your trust to do that.
No, no, no.
Cuddy had a problem with House, she came to me.
Wanted to vent' me.
How did that turn out? You have a problem with House, deal with it, or find someone else who can.
We're sorry about earlier, but we needed to provoke a reaction.
It worked.
I can barely look her in the eyes anymore.
I'd want my husband to tell me the truth.
Sure.
You'll feel better, and she'll feel what? Devastated, betrayed, heartbroken.
You really want to do that to her? No.
But I can't live like this.
But she can.
All set.
All right, we need you to sit back and try to relax.
Just look at the light.
What exactly are they building back there? A dream.
The EEG didn't show any abnormal brain activity.
He doesn't have photic epilepsy.
I know, because he has a pheochromocytoma.
You said I was wrong.
You were wrong not to rule out epilepsy first.
That only takes a couple of hours.
Finding a tumor that's flushing adrenaline through his system is gonna take all night.
Monitor his brain activity, start a continuous urine test and blood draws every two hours.
I can't, I have my kids.
Wilson': Leaving in, like, 15 minutes.
Chase and Adams can do the tests.
Thank you.
For the massage bed.
You and Park are checking the motel he was bumping uglies at for environmental factors.
He couldn't find a babysitter.
Get over it.
You're gonna get us killed.
She thinks I'm a prostitute on her turf.
Showing weakness is what gets you killed.
Why would she think you're a prostitute? I'm in a dump with a guy almost twice my age.
What else is she gonna think? How old do you think I am? So who cheated on you? We just met.
Don't you think it's a little early to be dragging up our baggage in front of each other? Who says I have baggage? I know when House went to prison, you quit medicine.
You don't do that, unless I didn't quit, I took a vacation.
I knew when he got out, I'd get my job back.
House didn't even know he was coming back.
I had faith.
Now that has baggage stamped all over it.
Seizure activity? No, one of the sensors came loose.
I'll fix it.
What is it? Not a pheochromocytoma.
Our patient now has a mass in his neck and his body temp's been rising over the last three hours.
Where's the construction crew? Well, I'm not gonna make them work day and night.
So I chose night.
And his urine and blood tests didn't show any evidence of an adrenaline secreting tumor.
Meningitis? We can do a lumbar puncture to confirm.
Sorry, I had to drop my kids off at day care across town.
What'd I miss? It's not meningitis.
His neck isn't stiff and his mental status is normal.
He's only guessing.
I'm talking to Taub.
He can't say "my kids" until he lets me test him.
So tell me about the love shack where he cheated on his bride.
The quarters came in handy.
My kids loved the massage bed.
Lab tests show the bed tested positive for, uh, semen, vaginal secretions, saliva and fecal matter, both human and animal.
You probably want to boil the kids for a couple of hours when you get home.
The bathroom also tested positive for five different types of pathogenic bacteria.
Fusobacterium necrophorum was one of them.
Yeah.
How did you know? The bulge in his neck.
The bacteria colonized his parapharyngeal space, moved into his jugular vein causing a thrombus.
Lemierre's Syndrome.
Treat with amoxicillin and clavulanic acid.
Dig out the clot before it moves to his lungs and kills him.
You got at least a trillion cells.
You're gonna misplace one of them eventually.
I have to tell my wife the truth.
There's plenty of time for that after the operation.
What if I die? And one day she finds out I cheated on her.
I'll never be able lo explain.
Never tell her how sorry I am.
You're increasing the odds of that every second we waste here.
No, I'm not agreeing to anything until I talk to her.
Daddy! Hey! Hey, guys.
Ew! Your neck looks really gross.
I missed you both so much, but I need to ask you a favor.
I need to talk to Mommy alone for a second.
Would you mind watching them for us? Um This guy's an idiot.
I think he actually has a good point.
What would you think if you found out, years later, your beloved dead wife cheated on you? I wouldn't believe it.
As long as I don't hear it directly from her, then loan hang on to hope that it's not true.
But this way, she has to either dump him or forgive him.
Guys, get your stuff.
We're leaving.
I'm so sorry.
I'll be back.
I'm gonna drop our kids off at my mother's.
Look, he made a mistake.
A stupid, horrible mistake.
But we'll get through this.
All I care about right now is that my husband gets better.
Sorry about yesterday.
House was like Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
Why is he so obsessed with my kids being my kids? Because he sees insecurity, and when House senses weakness, he pounces.
And because his insecurity is the fact that other people can have faith and don't have the obsessive need for physical proof.
Also, he started a betting pool on which kid is yours and which isn't.
An entire hospital betting on the legitimacy of my kids.
It's great to be back among friends.
I'm not the bad guy here.
I'm betting on them both being yours.
I would have donated the money to charity.
Approaching the clot, stand by for That's not a clot.
It's his lymph nodes.
The bulge wasn't caused by pus or blood.
It's tissue inflammation.
How could there be that much Lymphoma.
We need to take a biopsy.
- Did I nick something? - I don't know.
I don't see any bleeding in here.
His sclera is jaundiced.
I think it's his liver.
It's failing.
We did a major operation for no reason.
It's not Lemierre's Syndrome.
We would have had to biopsy his lymph nodes anyway to check for cancer.
Which it's not, biopsy was clean.
We could be dealing with an alcoholic going through withdrawal.
Explains his heart, seizures and liver failing.
But not his swollen lymph nodes.
Why are we stealing cable from here? We don't even have a TV in our office.
I'm an ex-con trying to adjust to a world that's passed me by.
Stealing's all I know.
And the fact that I was right about what's wrong with our patient, just wrong about what.
He means it's not Lemierre's, but it's still an infection, which is why it's spreading so rapidly.
Cultures take time and his liver doesn't have much left.
That's why we're gonna blast him with broad-spectrum antibiotics.
The blast will fry what's left of his liver.
The cure will kill him.
Not if we get him a liver transplant first and then treat him with the broad-spectrum.
And old team for the win.
Not that I'm keeping score.
It's more of a grid where I assign numerical values that determine who gets raises, vacation time and my respect.
We have him on the donor list for a liver, but these things take time.
So he could die before he gets one? It's a possibility, but we have another option.
We can do a partial liver transplant from a living donor.
- I'll do it.
- If you're a match, but to increase our odds, we'd like to get your friends and family tested, as well.
Is it safe? It's a major surgery.
Donor spends a week in the hospital and up to three months convalescing at home.
I can't ask someone to do that for me.
There are hundreds of people who would do that for you.
Because they don't know the real me.
You are a good man who made a mistake.
Then I have to tell them first.
I have to live with this, too.
I know.
And I'm sorry, but this is the only way that I can do this.
Before I ask any of you to sacrifice three months of your life for me, I have a confession.
I had an affair.
I cheated on Denise.
I wouldn't blame anyone if you decide I forgive him.
That should be enough for all of us.
Thank you so much for coming here There's more.
Larry, that new transmission I put in your truck, you didn't need it.
Joe, same thing with the engine rebuild.
In fact, I cheated most of you here tonight.
Half the time you bring your cars into my garage, there's nothing wrong with them.
I've been ripping you all off for years.
I also took $10,000 from the Harvest Scholarship Fund and I lost it gambling.
I'm sorry.
I'm not the man you thought I was.
That went over well.
Out of the two donors who didn't walk out, both were negative for a potential match.
Telling the truth may have just killed this guy.
I told him to tell his wife he cheated, not confess every sin he's ever committed.
If everybody did that, we'd never find a donor for anyone again.
Everybody doesn't lie, cheat or steal from their friends.
Yeah, they do.
Maybe not as much as this guy, but if people told nothing but the truth, the world would probably burn down over night.
Some people think it's burning now.
Maybe if everybody didn't lie Aww, that is cute.
I'm talking about your breasts.
They always get perky when you're being painfully earnest.
Truth.
It's uncomfortable, isn't it? More truth, I only noticed because Chase was staring at them.
He'd never admit it because he doesn't want to offend you.
Same reason he'd never tell you that he's thought about having sex with you.
Although, to be fair, every man you've ever met has thought about having sex with you.
They'll lie, because if you knew, you probably wouldn't want to have sex with them.
And that's just some of the lies from the last minute.
And here's a bigger one.
You already know this, but you pretend you don't because it makes you feel civilized.
Most people find it easier to ignore the truth.
Ask Taub.
Our patient can't wait for a transplant that's never gonna come.
We need to get reckless and extreme.
CT his liver, find the damaged area and cut it out.
Hopefully what's left will be enough so we can start treatment with broad-spectrum antibiotics.
I'm sorry the first time I had both of you together, I had to work.
But Daddy's boss is what we call a jackass.
It's okay.
Stay right there.
I'm also sorry for what I'm about to do because nothing will ever change how I feel about you guys.
But Daddy is weak and needs to know.
Okay.
I'm just gonna put this right here, okay? It's 3:30 in the morning.
Why are you still here? House is here.
And apparently prepping for an operation that will probably kill a patient.
I wouldn't be doing this if I thought there was another way.
There is.
He needs a transplant.
You have one lying around? 'Cause he'll be dead if he doesn't get one in the next few hours.
That falls under natural causes.
If you kill him, we're looking at Dead is dead.
Not as far as our lawyers are concerned.
I'm not being a dick.
This is a real issue and I have to worry about the big picture now.
I don't.
I'll be doing what you would have done a year ago.
I'll be in surgery.
Chase? You need to check this out.
This is his CT scan of his liver from 10 hours ago.
This is from now.
It's healing itself? When I left the room, he was telling her about the strippers from his bachelor party.
Liver function has improved 30%.
It buys us a few extra days before he'll need a transplant.
Interesting question is, "Why is it regenerating?" And scene.
Now we're back to boring reality, reality.
His liver was in shock before.
He's been having an allergic reaction since he got here.
It would explain why his symptoms appeared so rapidly.
And maybe it's starting to go away.
We need to run a scratch test to find out what set it off.
Or who.
This all started when he cheated on his wife.
He's allergic to a person? Or something she's wearing.
Makeup, perfume, birth control method.
Her Hello Kitty doll.
Two of you go find her and find out what.
Two of you start treatment with corticosteroids and epinephrine while you run the scratch test.
You think I did this to him? Or something you wear, own, use or gave him.
I gave him a condom.
He didn't have one.
What kind? I don't know what kind.
I got it from a health fair I was working at.
You're in the medical profession? I'm Miss Cedarville, the health fair is one of my responsibilities.
Is another one hooking up with I guess I'm supposed to be the good cop.
I know this is tough, but anything you can remember might help save his life.
He was giving me a ride home and he always seemed so nice.
And then we ended up at the motel.
Now everybody's talking about it, and if they find out it was me, I'm gonna lose my title and probably my job, and no one in town is ever gonna speak to me again.
I made a mistake and now it's gonna end up ruining my life.
Denise never wants to see me again.
What did you think was going to happen? I was sick of living a lie.
Everybody loved me, everybody looked up to me, but I didn't deserve it.
Everybody makes mistakes.
They just don't usually broadcast all of them at the same time.
Well, if I'm gonna die, I might as well do it with a clean soul.
And if you live? You didn't just burn bridges.
You torched, nuked and salted the earth with them.
Everybody has to pay for their sins.
It feels like you stuck me with a hot poker.
An allergic reaction.
It's the swab for wheat-based allergies.
I've been eating wheat my entire life.
I'm not allergic to wheat Now it feels like my whole body's on fire.
This doesn't make any sense.
He broke out with a rash right after I tested with the wheat allergy swab, but none of his blood samples shows he's allergic to it.
Then he's not allergic to it.
Could the corticosteroids have somehow caused it? I didn't hook them up yet.
After he broke out, I wanted to confirm it was gluten before we dosed him.
Could be a latex allergy.
It started with a condom and we've kept it going with our gloves and equipment.
He doesn't test positive for that either.
None of his samples test positive for anything.
Then he's allergic to something not on the tests.
I'll keep looking here.
We'll start the steroids and see if it clears up.
You have one patient and three DNA results? How else do I compare him to other genetic disorders? What's up? Chase basically called me a sellout.
Just because you hung up your lab coat for more money and a bigger office? I hung it up because someone had to run this place after Cuddy left.
There are a lot of good administrators out there, not many good doctors.
More to it than you think.
For example, you're looking at monkey DNA.
My analysis, House took your results after he manipulated you into providing them.
He's shedding his skin like a snake.
If it was an allergic reaction, the corticosteroids and epinephrine would have made him better, not worse.
Is everyone trying to think of an answer? Or is everyone afraid to say what they think the answer is? I take it you're in the latter category.
Stevens-Johnson Syndrome.
It fits all of his symptoms and explains why he got worse after the steroids.
Most medication exacerbates the condition.
There's no treatment for it.
It fits.
Case closed.
You should go home and get some sleep.
I feel like I'm in hell.
We can't give you too much pain medication or we'll make your condition worse.
I got one final confession to make.
What's left? You cheated on your taxes? I'm a murderer.
I killed my business partner.
I shot him in the head and made it look like suicide.
And he was just the first You killed more? Three.
Or four.
Try not to kill anyone else until I get back.
It's neurological.
There's an aneurysm in the anterior communicating artery of his brain.
The area moderating impulse control and compulsion.
As it grew larger, so did the confessions.
Watch.
Bob, one of my shoes is missing from my locker.
I'm so sorry.
I needed the cash and the locker was open I've never heard of a neurological problem that causes someone's skin to fall off.
Because there isn't one.
The aneurysm is just another symptom, it's not the cause.
We add them all together, we get We get Kaw Kawa It's Kawasaki's disease.
It's autoimmune.
Yes, we knew what "Kawa" meant, we just figured, since it basically presents only in Asian children Which you might have, by the way.
Which is basically why we missed it.
Rug burns.
Certain carpet cleaning chemicals have been linked to it.
Start treatment with intravenous immunoglobulin and monitor the aneurysm.
If it doesn't resolve itself, we'll have to repair it.
Rest of you aren't surfing enough.
Monkey DNA.
Nice touch.
Really? You don't think I should have gone with rat? I've been second guessing myself all day.
Where are the DNA results? First admit that I was right.
You manipulated me into doing it.
Yeah, I'll admit to that.
Now you admit that it was incredibly easy, because you can't cheat an honest man.
I love them.
I don't care if one of them isn't biologically mine.
What about both? It could be.
I haven't read these.
Now say I was right.
No.
I'll admit I was weak for a moment, but I'm not doing this, I don't care.
You do and I'll prove it.
I will shred this, I'll call off my pool, return the money and we'll forget all about it.
Or we'll go to the light box in the lab and know the truth once and for all.
Stop.
Let me see them.
Just wanted to make sure all three were inside.
The mayor checked.
There wasn't any money missing from the scholarship fund.
Dr.
Chase told me about your disease, how it made you confess to crimes you hadn't committed.
The affair with that girl, is that real? Honey, I would never, have never cheated on you.
I knew you could never do that to me.
I don't know how, but I knew.
Glad to see taking a year off didn't dull your skill set.
I got lucky.
About the other night I have enough problems with this job.
Second guessing my best doctors shouldn't be one of them.
Why are you up here? You have your own bathroom and office now.
To shower.
I haven't left the hospital in four days.
Why? House won't go home and there's no way I'm leaving him here unsupervised.
House is screwing with you.
By not screwing with you.
He's watching TV and drinking martinis all night.
Meanwhile, he's keeping you here searching for a plan that doesn't even exist.
How the hell did I not see that? I'm glad you're back.
Me, too.
Either a hot tub or a sauna.
A hot tub would be cool.
New team, old team, I present phase one of operation Outer Office 2.
0.
Nothing's changed.
Oh, everything has changed.
No.