Desperate Housewives s08e10 Episode Script

Previously on Renee feared Ben was cheating.
And with detective Vance closing in - Do you think we need a lawyer? - Lawyers won't be necessary, ladies.
Susan wanted to flee.
If I get caught, I could go away for a lot of years.
Lynette went to tom for help.
You can't go to Paris, not now.
I'm an accessory to murder.
Carlos disappeared from rehab.
He checked himself out two hours ago.
What? Why didn't you stop him? My unofficial investigation's about to go official.
But before he could go public Aah! And Bree decided to end it all.
Bree van de Kamp had always wanted to live her life with elegance and grace.
That is also how she wanted to die.
Her plan was to pour herself a glass of her favorite chardonnay, put on her most stylish nightgown and leave behind a note on embossed stationery.
Yes, Bree had everything she needed for an elegant death.
Everything except Privacy.
Thank you, but I don't need turn down service.
Come back in the morning.
And you might want to bring a mop.
Open the door.
Renee? You have to the count of three.
One This isn't a good time.
Two Seriously, I'm in the middle of something.
Where is he? Who? Ben.
The man you're trying to steal from me.
I don't understand.
Do you think I won't hit you? I once slapped a waitress because she forgot my croutons! You are dead.
Renee, please, you have to go.
Ever since we met, you've been spouting those Sunday school phrases, making folks think you're this grand lady.
Well, I got your number now, and you are nothing but a middle-aged skank in a Nancy Reagan nightie.
Why do you have a gun? Bree I asked you a question.
Why is there a gun on the table? No, don't read that.
Bree.
Please go.
Please.
Where you actually gonna Oh, my God.
Renee Perry had no idea just how close her friend had come to suicide, and Bree van de Kamp had no idea just how close she had come to being hit.
Keeping secrets is a lonely business.
That's why we all search for someone to confide in an ally who will understand An advisor we can trust A friend who will never judge.
Of course, not everyone you tell your secrets to Will be happy about it.
Hey.
Good morning.
Hey, mom.
Look who didn't go to Paris.
I know.
Your dad had to cancel his trip.
Because some work meetings came up.
- Nice for us, huh? - Hey, if you guys are done, why don't you go grab your books? And I'll drop you off at school.
- Okay.
- All right.
No.
Co-conspirators to murder do not get pancakes.
I know that this was the last thing you ever expected to have to deal with - Yeah, you could say that.
How could you let yourself get involved in this? It's it's Gaby and Carlos' mess.
I was helping a friend.
Oh! Helping a friend.
Because when I'd ask you to bring my shirts to the cleaners, that was always this big hassle, but burying a body in the woods Hey, would you lower your voice? Look, I do not know what is supposed to happen now.
And what, is Chuck gonna just show up and arrest you? What? He told Gaby that he was starting a formal investigation this morning, s-so yes, they could arrest me.
Damn it, Lynette! How could you let this happen?! Out of the four, you're supposed to be the smart one.
Hey, a-are you guys ready? Yeah, I'll meet you at the car.
- All right.
- Okay.
I need some support right now, not a lecture.
Okay, you're right.
I'm sorry.
I will find a way to fix this.
And now the news.
Detective Charles Vance was killed last night in Fairview square, an apparent victim of a hit and run.
The case is currently under investigation.
Anyone with information, please contact the Fairview police department.
How could he just check himself out?! As I told you on the phone, as I replied to your texts, and as I'm telling you in person, this is a rehab center, not a jail.
Yeah, well, it's not much of a rehab center if you let patients out in time for happy hour! Please lower your voice.
You'll wake the crackheads.
I'm sorry, but do you have any idea how worried I am? My husband has been gone all night.
I don't know where he is or what he's been doing.
Look, even if he did have a relapse, I'm sure he'll be back soon.
Then we'll call you at home, so you should go there.
Could you at least pretend to care? Not with what I'm paid.
You're making a big mistake, nursie.
I've got a lot of drunk friends, and I'm not recommending this place! Again, our top story Fairview police detective Chuck Vance is dead after a hit and run accident that has left the community stunned.
Detective Vance was crossing lake street approximately 11:00 P.
M.
When he was run down by a dark sedan.
Hello, sunshine.
How you feelin' this mornin'? Groggy and nauseous.
Mm.
I'm afraid that's my fault.
I slipped a few sedatives in your tea last night and sort of forgot to say "when.
" You drugged me? I had to make sure you'd sleep through the night.
Didn't wanna find you sprawled out on the oriental with your wrists slashed.
Spanish omelet? If you really want to protect the oriental You'll put that away.
Fine.
Let me know what you do like for breakfast, and I will make that for you tomorrow.
Tomorrow? You'll be here tomorrow? And into the foreseeable future.
Didn't you see my Louis Vuitton bags upstairs? I'm moving in.
No, no, no, no, no.
You you don't have to do that.
After what you tried to do last night, I don't have a choice.
But I'm fine.
Last night was just a moment of temporary insanity.
In the light of day, I feel absolutely Did you take the laces out of all my sneakers? Yeah, and I also got rid of all your knives, razors, pills, cleaning fluid, and your shower curtain.
How could I kill myself with a shower curtain? You can't.
I just thought it was ugly.
Okay.
See, this is why you can't stay here.
You will drive me absolutely crazy.
Mm.
I'd rather see you in a straitjacket than a coffin.
All right, that's very sweet, but I am fine now.
It's a brand-new morning, and I am loving life.
Okay.
Now that you are of sound mind, why did you want to kill yourself? It's complicated.
I'm sure it is, and I'm also sure I'm not going anywhere till I know exactly what made you bring a gun to that motel.
Renee, please, this is so unnecessary.
What's wrong? I just got some bad news about your friend, Chuck Vance.
Susan? Susan.
Can you help me with my bag? No! No, nobody's helping her with her bag.
Mike, you're supposed to be sleeping.
So are you.
Where do you think you're going? You know where.
New York.
I wrote it all on the note I left on your nightstand.
- But I thought - Looking good, Mike.
I thought we discussed this last night.
You can't just pick up and leave like this.
You discussed it.
I waited till you went to bed, and then I reconfirmed my plane reservation.
Well, if you're going, you're going without clothes.
Mike! Wh Can you wait a sec? It feels like you've packed for a month.
Three weeks.
Felix set up meetings with gallery owners, and then if all goes well, we can discuss moving there.
I'm not moving to New York.
Why not? My plumbing business is here.
Well, think how much more exciting it'll be.
You'll be unclogging pipes in the big city.
Okay, just stop.
This is not about you becoming an artist.
- It's not? - No.
It's about you running away from Chuck Vance.
Okay.
You're right.
I'm a mess.
One more interrogation by Chuck, and I will crack like an egg, and then I'll go to jail and take half the neighborhood with me.
I'm sorry.
I can't risk it.
You have to let me go.
Hey.
What's going on? Oh, my God.
Chuck's dead? It was some sort of hit and run.
That's that's all we know.
So what happens now? Nothing.
It's all good.
The only person tying us to Alejandro's murder is gone.
Gaby, he was Bree's boyfriend.
Yeah, and if she'd dumped him when I told her, we wouldn't have gotten in trouble in the first place.
If you're done, I think it's time that we ask the obvious question.
Which is? Did somebody do this on purpose? Oh, my God.
He was murdered? No! No, no, no, no, no.
It was an accident.
It does seem a bit Convenient.
Well, maybe God decided to answer our prayers through one of his drunk-driving angels on earth.
Who are we to question God? Look, okay, I admit we were in a lot of trouble there, but none of us are that cold-blooded, right? Could it be someone's trying to protect us? Oh, my God.
Carlos.
- Hey.
- Carlos couldn't have done it.
He's still in rehab, isn't he? Of course he is! Oh, my God, you guys.
We finally get a lucky break.
Let's just go with it.
We wanted Chuck gone, and now he's gone.
It's just a coincidence.
Coincidence? Yes, Bree, coincidences happen, otherwise there wouldn't be a word for them.
So, uh, I guess we should just put this behind us and get back to normal.
Sounds like a plan.
Are we good, Susan? Sure.
Bree? We all agree this was just an accident? If you say so.
Tom? Tom, I've got big news! You are not gonna believe what has happened to Bob? - What did you do? - Huh? You buried a man in the woods? She was merely helping a friend.
Don't forget that.
You t-told Bob? Of course I told Bob.
If they arrest you, you're gonna need an attorney.
Tom, I just found out that everybody I invited to my last barbecue is involved in murder, and this is water.
Scotch.
Coming right up.
You shouldn't have done that.
We don't need a lawyer.
We have to prepare for the worst, Lynette.
I am not gonna have the kids visit you behind bars next mother's day.
- No, no, listen to me.
Chuck Vance died last night.
What? Hit by a car.
Oh, my God! Was that you guys, too? No! Are you serious? And and Chuck was the only one who knew about the Yeah.
Okay.
So, Bob I guess we're not gonna need you after all.
But if you want, you can totally bill me for this hour.
Count on it.
Taking this scotch.
So it's over? I think so.
Okay, what's wrong? Huh? The one man who could have put us all in jail is gone.
We're home free, but you're still sitting there, more depressed than ever.
I'd like to know why.
I don't know.
Are you upset that Chuck got killed? A little.
Not so much.
Well, then why are you getting all misty? I don't know.
Why don't you? Why are you getting mad? Because we've been riding this emotional roller coaster for months now, and I'm ready to get off.
Well, I'm sorry if I'm not all giggles and sunshine, but I am walking around with a pretty big secret.
So what? Everybody's got a secret.
Not as big as mine.
I helped bury a body.
And our mechanic does crystal meth.
Our butcher beats up homeless guys, and the librarian's a nymphomaniac.
The world is filled with ordinary people that do nasty things.
So man up or dump the guilt.
Let's get on with our lives.
I know you're right.
Uh It makes no sense for me to be depressed, and I know Alejandro was a bad guy.
And he deserved to die.
He did.
He absolutely did.
Why are you still so I don't know.
But I'll figure it out.
I swear.
Thank you.
Our librarian's a nymphomaniac? I made that up.
'Cause I always got a vibe.
Let's just eat.
- Detective Murphy? - Yeah.
Hi.
I just wanted to stop by and say how sorry I was to hear about officer Vance.
It's so tragic.
Any idea who could have done this? Who are you? Oh, I'm Gabrielle solis.
I met Chuck through his girlfriend, Bree van de Kamp.
She's a friend of mine.
Woman's a first class bitch.
Who I rarely talk to 'cause of the bitch thing.
Ahem.
So, um, were there any witnesses? Everyone here knows what she did to Chuck led him on and then broke his heart like it was nothing.
Can't believe he wanted to marry her.
Yeah, I know.
Marrying Bree would have been the worst thing to ever happen to him.
Well, second worst.
So any clues anything at all? Not yet.
Excuse me.
Um Well, you know what I think happened? - Drunk teenagers hitting people with cars.
- Yeah.
It's a rite of passage with them, like spring break.
If I were you guys, I'd be checking the grills of every acne-covered kid within a 100-mile radius.
It wasn't an accident.
It wasn't? There were no skid marks, no attempt to slow down or swerve.
Whoever did this was gunning for Chuck.
So anyone get the make of the car or race of the driver? No, ma'am, but we're monitoring every body shop in the state.
Oh.
Okay.
Don't worry.
A cop was killed.
We'll find whoever's responsible, and when we do, they are gonna pay, big-time.
Okay.
I'll be sure to tell Bree.
That bitch! How's the history project coming? Good.
I'm drawing a picture of Lincoln's assassination.
Um sweetie, I don't think he was shot with a stapler.
That's a gun, and I think we're done here.
Sorry for just dropping by without calling, especially with the way things have been between us lately.
- What's wrong? - It's this whole Chuck thing.
Hey, penny, would you mind throwing those clothes in the washing machine for me? Sure.
Thanks.
Come on in.
- You don't think it was an accident, do you? - No.
Who could do something like that? It had to be someone who was trying to protect us.
But that means they would have to know about what we did.
Who else knows? I mean, other than the four of us and Carlos? Well, Susan told Mike.
- And I told Ben.
- And I told tom.
- You told tom? - Well, you told Ben.
Okay, so Ben and Mike and tom, but that's it, right? No one else has been told? No one.
Except tom told Bob.
We're gonna need to write this down.
Okay, the people who were there are in orange.
The people who were told by people who were there are in blue, and the green arrows represent who told whom.
Wow.
We may be good at arts and crafts, but we suck at conspiracy.
What's the purple question mark? That's whoever wrote the letter.
You think they killed Chuck? Who knows? We're not sure why the letter was sent in the first place.
"I know what you did.
It makes me sick.
I'm going to tell"? Sounds like a threat to me.
But why kill someone else who has the same goal? It doesn't make any sense.
None of it makes any sense.
I mean, we know these people.
None of them would commit a cold-blooded murder.
Oh, God.
What if someone else knows? Hey.
How are the girls? Juanita demanded ice cream for lunch.
- What'd you say? - She's bigger than me.
What do you think I said? And don't give me that look.
You said you'd be home by feeding time.
Sorry.
I've been all over town looking for my husband.
Carlos went A.
W.
O.
L.
from rehab last night, and I have no idea where he is.
Want a hint? You know? He dragged his can upstairs about two hours ago, drunk as a Red Sox pitcher in the bottom of the 9th.
Karen, I don't know how to thank you.
I'm on a fixed income.
Let's use our imagination? - Oh, thank God! - I was so worried! Where were you last night? You can tell me the truth.
I won't judge.
I'll be totally supportive.
Wake up, you pathetic boozehound! Where the hell were you last night?! Oh, where am I now? Ohh! I'm home! No, no, no, no, no, no.
Open your eyes.
Focus.
Okay, after you checked yourself out of rehab, you got in the car.
Where did you go? I drove to a bar.
I drank a lot of shots And I don't remember much else.
Do you remember killing someone? Huh? Oh, look who's sober now.
What are you talking about? Chuck Vance was killed last night by a hit and run driver.
Chuck's dead? And you think I did it? Well You think I killed someone? Ahem.
Alejandro.
It's not like potato chips, Gaby! You were upset, and you were drinking.
He was hit on lake street.
That's only a few blocks from the rehab center.
I don't remember.
You have to.
The police are all over this thing.
They're looking for witnesses.
They're trying to find the car.
Oh, wait.
That's it.
The car.
All we have to do is check the car.
If you hit him, it'll be obvious.
Honey, where's your car? That's a really good question.
Why did you turn the light on? I'm checking up on you.
How you doing? Fine.
Really? 'Cause last night you were suicidal, and that was before you found out your boyfriend was dead.
I would think you'd be an emotional mess right about now.
It's been an interesting couple of days, but I'm holding my own.
See, here's my problem.
I don't believe you.
You don't have to believe me.
All you have to do is turn off the light as you leave the room.
Bree, you need to talk about this.
Repressing your feelings is not healthy.
And since when are you a therapist? Uh, excuse me.
I took intro to psych and once slept with my shrink.
I think I'm qualified.
Well, as impressive as those credentials are, my feelings are not your concern.
They became my concern when I caught you about to swallow the business end of a Smith & Wesson.
Now I'm not leaving this room until you tell me why.
I can't.
Other people are involved people that you know.
Well I can keep my mouth shut.
Renee Oh, you can trust me.
We're friends, right? Not really.
Not really? I'm not trying to be rude.
Yes, I mean, we're well, we socialize.
You've been to my home.
I've been to yours.
We're friendly, but that doesn't make us friends.
Okay.
You know what I mean.
You and I don't talk about important things.
We've never had a deep conversation.
We're not Friends.
And now I've upset you, and that wasn't my intention.
Don't worry about me.
I'm fine.
And by the way, I don't think you have any friends.
In fact, I don't think you care about anyone at all, because if you did, you never would have considered splattering your brains against the wall of some cheap motel.
Okay, that's it.
Would you please get out of my house? No! Not until I'm convinced you are no longer a danger to yourself.
I will not allow anyone to kill themselves, not on my watch.
I will not go through that again.
This is a funeral.
You have got to stop smiling.
Sorry.
I'm just so relieved.
I really thought I was dead in the water there.
Yeah, we were very lucky.
Listen, I can't thank you enough for everything you have done for me.
It's no big deal.
One minute you're boarding a plane to Paris, then the next, you rush to my side.
Well, you do know in spite of everything, you still mean the world to me? If I didn't before, I do now.
Hey, I-I know it's not Paris, but you wanna come over later for movie night with the kids? That'd be great.
I'll bring a pizza so you don't have to cook.
Fantastic.
Lynette.
Sorry.
Here you go, dear.
Oh.
Thank you.
I can't believe I forgot to bring tissue to a funeral.
Oh, you keep it.
I don't really cry at funerals, not anymore.
No? No.
Well, when you're young, death always comes as such a shock, as if the universe is unfair.
But when you get to my age, you realize that death is just the end of the story.
The phone call comes.
You shed a few tears, and then you get together and celebrate the life that was.
That's it.
What? Thank you so much! You will never know how helpful you've been.
Oh, I'm so glad.
Were you close with my nephew? - Oh, no.
- Oh.
Ah.
But he did interrogate me once.
He did a lovely job.
Hey, Gaby, have you got a minute? Listen.
What was Alejandro's alias? - Seriously? - We're talking about this here? Chuck told me in my interrogation, but I can't remember.
- Pablo? Paco? - Ramon Sanchez.
Right, right, and he was living in - Oklahoma city.
- What do you need this for? I w-wanna light a candle for him, and I thought I should know all of his names.
You only light candles for people who you want to bless.
That's right, and he was a bad guy.
I'm gonna go blow out that candle.
What the hell are we doing here? There are cops everywhere.
It's a cop funeral.
What'd you expect? Clowns? I am taking a huge risk by being here.
No, you're paying your respects.
That's what innocent people do.
Okay.
If I'm so innocent, then why is that cop staring at me? Just stop acting so guilty.
He takes one look at your face, and you say Hi, officer.
Hello.
Carlos, right? Remember me? No.
I'm not surprised.
You were pretty wasted when you came into the station the other night.
You went to the police station? Yeah.
He said he wanted to make a confession something about beating somebody with a candlestick? Oh, Carlos, you shouldn't have done that.
What else did he say? Well, that's when the news came in about detective Vance, and, uh, all hell broke loose.
By the time things settled, he was gone.
So who's this person you assaulted? Oh! Uh That would be me.
You? Yeah.
I'm a bit of a handful.
You hit your wife with a candlestick? He hit me back.
In his defense, I'd just popped him with a baseball bat.
So do you wanna file charges? Or do you? Oh! We're good.
This thing we got isn't pretty, but it works.
So who was it? Who was what? The person you knew who committed suicide.
That's something I only discuss with friends.
It was my mother.
She'd tried it once before.
Pills.
But I found her in time.
And then one morning I saw that look in her eyes again.
Not sad, just Empty.
She swore to me she'd be fine, so I I went to school.
And by the time I got back - Well - How was I supposed to know she was gonna pull it off this time? Oh, Renee, I am so sorry.
Yeah.
That's what the note said "I'm sorry.
" That's it.
I don't have a mom for the rest of my life, and she thinks those two little words Are gonna make up for that? Many years ago, a neighbor and a good friend of ours Took her life.
And that left us all heartbroken and perplexed.
But somehow, when I was alone in that hotel room, I forgot about all the pain she caused.
In those awful moments, I thought maybe she had the answer.
But then you showed up.
Thank God.
You will always be the person who saved my life.
And now that I've had time to think about it I realize that makes you the best friend I'll ever have.
Hey! Look who's here with a pizza and a DVD.
Ooh, Mario's.
That's excellent.
Mom, you let dad pick out the movie? Hey, my taste in movies is as good as my taste in pizza.
Great, that means the pizza's gonna be black and white and three hours long.
Oh, excuse me.
"Citizen Kane," "Marty," "Casablanca" what do all these movies have in common? We fell asleep during them? They're classics.
"Here's looking at you, kid.
" Here's looking at my iPhone, dad.
Hey! Be nice.
I'm sure your dad picked out something really fun this time.
What'd you get? "Old Yeller.
" Oh, tom, you make this so hard.
Why? What I've seen of it is great.
My folks always sent me to bed before the ending.
Is there is there swearing or something? Eh.
Something.
How about we eat? Huh.
Everything good? Yeah.
It's just, you never remember I like the thin crust.
But it doesn't matter.
Thank you for getting it.
Who's hungry? - Mmm.
- Oh, I am.
Good news.
The police found the car.
You left it in their parking lot.
Thank God.
Mrs.
McCluskey's gonna drive us over there after breakfast, then I will drive you back to rehab.
Sounds like a plan.
Babe.
I'm sorry about all this.
I know I've put you and the kids through so much.
I'm gonna try and get back here as soon as I can.
You forget about us.
You just worry about getting better.
I can hold down the fort.
No problem.
I have something else I need to tell you.
What's that? I love you.
I know you know that.
I just don't think we say it enough.
I love you, too.
One more thing.
What? If you ever go to the police again and confess something without talking to me first, I will be burying another body in the woods.
You got it? Good.
I'll see you in the morning.
Hey, you want a beer? Oh, you got the Belgian kind? I love that stuff.
I know.
Thanks for clearing the table.
I believe that has been the hardest part of our separation.
God, for me? It's the laundry.
I-I found out I am more inclined to buy new socks - Ah.
- Than to wash the dirty ones.
Hey, thanks again for giving up your trip.
It really meant a lot to me.
No problem.
And please apologize to Jane.
She must be furious.
I doubt it.
She's not really like that.
Tom, I know women.
There's a Lynette voodoo doll being dropped off the eiffel tower as we speak.
No, it's weird, but, uh, Jane doesn't hang on to anger.
Ah.
Uh, okay.
You don't you don't you don't know her.
She's she's very forgiving.
Ah.
Fine.
Got it.
She's terrific.
Well, I'll give you an example.
She would never criticize the pizza I brought over.
What? Well, you had to point out that I didn't get the thin crust.
I know, I know.
The second I said it, I realized I shouldn't have.
It just came out.
Exactly.
It's just a it's a reflex for you.
You can't help it.
Well Maybe that's because I keep hoping if I say something enough, you'll finally hear me.
I mean the kind of pizza I like, and it still doesn't occur to you to get it.
It makes me feel like I don't matter.
Wow, I didn't realize.
I know.
I shouldn't have compared you to Jane.
That wasn't right.
That's okay.
She's really good to you, huh? Then I think you should go to Paris.
What? Yeah.
'Cause otherwise, you'll always wonder if she could make you happy.
And didn't we say that was the point of us separating? Could I still stay and watch the movie? Of course.
Susan? You gotta be kidding me.
Susan, what do you think you're doing? Oh, I remember this house.
The half naked guy runs out, and I don't get my fare.
Here.
Huh? Oh, no, no, put that back.
You'll get your fare this time.
Honey, I'm sorry, but I have to go.
I-it's all in my note.
What is it with you and notes lately? You were asleep when I came home from the funeral.
Well, if you're taking off to new York, you wake me up! I'm not going to new York.
I'm going to Oklahoma.
And now I'm Just confused.
Okay, two minutes.
You asked me why I still feel so guilty.
I finally figured it out.
He got a phone call.
Who got a phone call? Alejandro.
When we were putting his body into the ground, his phone rang.
Do you know what that means? He had really good cell phone service? It means he has a family, and they have no idea where he is.
It must be tearing them apart.
I mean, he did something horrible, not them.
They shouldn't have to suffer, too.
And what exactly are you gonna do about it? I'm not sure yet.
I just know I have to see if they're okay.
I think it's the only way I'm ever getting back to normal.
Well, then I guess you gotta go.
Hey! Where are you off to? I'm just Visiting some family.
Oh, that sounds like fun.
Well, have a good trip.
It's a lonely business keeping secrets.
That's why we all search for someone we can confide in An ally who will understand.
An advisor we can trust.
A friend who will never judge.
Yes, we all need help hiding the darkest truths of our lives.
Because as soon as you've told one secret Another is likely to appear.