Desperate Housewives s08e13 Episode Script

Previously on "Desperate Housewives" I'm done feeling sorry for myself.
Lynette made an announcement.
I need to start dating again.
- But her first attempt - Oh, the salmon looks good.
At a steak house? Was a disaster.
The stress of covering up a crime You told us that as long as we trusted each other, everything would be fine.
You're on your own! Drove a wedge between Bree and her friends A night out is exactly what you need to lift your spirits.
Leading her back to an old addiction and down at very dangerous path.
Being in love can bring out the worst in people.
They may become stingy Or hostile Or simply indifferent.
But in the beginning when love is still a promise, people bring their best to the table.
Here's to second chances.
Oh, here's to you for giving me a second chance.
I really didn't expect you to be so nice on the phone.
I guess you were charmed by my groveling.
But now I'm kind of in a pickle.
I spent the last week complaining about the crazy bitch I went out with.
Now I have to go back and tell everyone this is one of the best dates of my life.
Aw, that's so sweet.
Ah, not so fast.
We haven't had dessert yet.
We still could blow it.
Oh.
I hadn't thought of that.
Well how about we get outta here? We could have dessert at my place.
That sounds great.
So I have half an apple pie.
I've got some of those little pudding cups, and I think there are some ice cream sandwiches in the freezer.
Oh.
Come on.
Who can resist a pudding cup? No, I-it's just I didn't realize that you actually invited me over here for dessert.
Oh.
Dessert.
You thought I meant Sex.
Right.
That's why you ran all those red lights.
I figured you had a sweet tooth.
Yeah.
So just the three choices? I think so.
Don't get me wrong.
I love dessert both kinds.
It's just so soon, and it's only our second date.
Only the first one that's gone well I get it.
No problem.
Plus there's a certain Amount of prep work involved that I would have done had I known we were thinking of and I didn't make my bed, and there are no clean towels.
I misunderstood.
And now I've made you feel uncomfortable.
- I'm so sorry.
- No.
We had a great night.
Yes.
I look forward to doing it again.
Oh, yes.
Sounds good.
Okay.
Just please don't think that this means I never wanna have sex with you, 'cause you're great, and and sex is great.
I love sex.
I always have.
I was a total whore in college.
All right, well, I guess this is good night, then.
Okay.
Good night.
Yes, the promise of love can bring out the best in us Unless we find that we're a little out of practice.
After a disaster, every housewife has her own way of coping.
Some turn to drink Some turn to sweets And some turn to the people they trust the most.
So then I said I'd love to have sex with him, but I'm not sure I'm ready yet, and now we're going to have this awkward thing hanging over us.
Nobody expects you to hop right into bed with someone new.
Why not? Tom did.
I'm just trying to motivate her.
To do what? Have random sex with the first guy she meets? You don't wanna be that girl.
Yeah, because that sounds like too much fun.
Susan, Lynette is pushing 50.
With a very long stick.
Point is, she should be out there getting some while she's still limber enough to enjoy it.
Are you supposed to be on my side here? Of course.
First things first do you really like this guy? Yeah, I think I do.
Then what's the problem? Well, for starters, I'm a little rusty.
It's been a while.
The last guy who saw me naked told me not to wait so long between pap smears.
Oh.
Okay, you're putting too much pressure on yourself, and if you really like this guy, you should take it slow.
Yeah, but not too slow.
You're starting a new relationship, and sex is a big part of it.
You don't buy a car without giving it a test drive.
So drive this guy, Lynette.
Drive him hard.
So how much longer is Carlos gonna be in rehab? I don't know.
The first time with somebody is always awkward and weird.
And exciting and great.
Come on.
In 20 years of marriage, you never fantasized about being with someone else.
Constantly.
Sometimes during.
Well, here's your chance.
Huh.
I guess this is the upside to having your marriage collapse.
Okay.
I just have to figure out how to make my first move.
I know who could give you some tips.
Oh, my God.
Is that another one? I know.
What happened to the blond guy from last week? Blond guy? The guy I saw had dark hair and a sports car.
The guy I saw drove a motorcycle.
What is that, five guys in a week? Is she starting a basketball team? Should we be worried about her? After the way she treated us, unh-unh.
She's not our problem anymore.
Who are these women staring at us? Nobody I know.
Juanita, why do you insist on giving out Valentine cupcakes when I bought you a box of perfectly good cards? Store-bought cards are lame.
Who cares? I could be watching TV right now instead of trying to cram the name "Harrison" onto a cupcake.
I wish daddy was here.
He always helps me with stuff.
You really miss him, huh? Yeah.
Why'd he have to go to stupid Europe, anyway? Well, you know, business trips are very important.
That's why they call them Business trips.
But he's never been gone this long.
It feels like forever.
I know, but when he gets home, everything's gonna be great again.
Do you have any more of those sprinkles? You're spending a lot of time on that one cupcake.
Is it for someone special? No, it's for nobody.
Juanita, what's his name? He doesn't have a name.
Ha! So you admit he exists.
Fine.
His name is Ryan Vayo.
He's so cool.
He can dislocate his shoulder so it looks like he was in a car accident.
Mm.
You and me we go for the bad boys.
So I just want it to be special.
Do you think that's dumb? No.
I think you need more candy hearts.
Hey, I've been, uh, I've been meaning to ask.
Do we have any cereal? It's for Julie.
For the rest of her life? When she was a kid, our favorite thing was to have cereal dinner.
But I couldn't remember her favorite, so I got 'em all.
I can't believe it's been six months since she's been home.
Yeah.
Why the visit? I think she just misses her mom.
She sounded a little blue on the phone.
Well, we should think of some stuff to cheer her up.
Way ahead of you.
We are gonna do all the things she loved to do when she was a kid.
Oh, hey.
Do we still have that trampoline in the garage? She would jump on that thing for hours.
I would be up in my room, reading, and her head would keep popping up in the window.
"Hi, mom.
Hi, mom.
Hi, mom.
" - Hi, mom.
- Oh! Julie.
Hi.
Hey, Mike.
Hey, kiddo.
You look great.
Oh, you do.
You look wonderful.
Can I get you something? Uh, yeah, sure, some water.
- Oh.
- Here.
We are gonna have so much fun this week.
I thought we'd start at the amusement park with some high-risk roller coastering.
Uh Susan? And then I am gonna take you to my kick-ass kickboxing class.
Yeah uh, babe? And to top it off, Mike is gonna dig out that trampoline so that you can oh, my God! Yeah.
I don't think we're gonna be needing that trampoline.
Oh, my God.
You're pregnant.
Yeah.
Six months.
You didn't even tell me you were in a relationship.
Oh, God.
Is there something wrong with the guy? I'm gonna hate him, aren't I? No, 'cause You're not gonna meet him.
It was just kind of a casual thing, and he's not really interested in following through.
I was right.
I do hate him.
And you're okay with that? Mm, yeah.
Yeah, I am.
Then we are, too.
Of course.
And we are gonna be here for you.
You can move back home, and Mike and I will help take care of the baby.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe I didn't even ask.
Is it a boy or a girl? It doesn't matter.
I'm giving it up for adoption.
What? No, you're not.
Mom, look at my life.
I-I live in a crappy apartment.
I'm working part-time while I finish my PHD.
But you always said you wanted children.
Yeah, with a husband.
I'm not in a place to do this right now.
No, no, no.
Slow down.
We need to think this through.
I already have.
And I'm working with this agency, and they set up a meeting with a great couple who doesn't live too far from here.
Oh, God.
I'm supposed to meet them tomorrow night, and they wanna meet you, too, to learn about my background.
So that's why you came home not just to break my heart.
Okay, well, guess what? No one is meeting anyone, and no one is going to give away this baby.
Susan.
Mom, you just said you'd be there for me.
I really need your support.
Please? Okay, I'll do it.
We'll have them over for dinner.
Thank you.
Happy sucky Valentine's day.
What happened? Ryan didn't like your cupcake? He ate it, but he didn't even give me a card.
Oh, who cares about him? Plenty of other people gave you valentines.
Like Jacob.
"Dear Juanita, my parents Made me write this.
You smell like Ham.
" Well, you like Ham.
I like Ryan.
Why doesn't he like me? What's wrong with me? Nothing is wrong with you.
You are wonderful.
Come here.
Oh.
Hey, sweetie, are you sure Ryan didn't give you a card? Yeah.
Maybe you should double-check your backpack.
He could have slipped it in when you weren't looking.
Why would he do that? Boys are weird.
Take a look.
Pen, pen, pen, pen.
No.
What are you doing? Nothing.
Hey, what's, uh, what's that? What? That thing that just fell out of your backpack.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! It's from him.
"Happy Valentine's day.
X.
O.
X.
O.
Ryan.
" What's "X.
O.
X.
O.
"? Hugs and kisses.
Hugs and kisses? Oh, he does like me.
I'm going to call him.
No, no, no, you can't do that! - Don't do that! - And why not? Because boys don't like it when girls tell them they like them.
Then how will he know? Oh, sweetie, he knows, you know, so neither of you need to say it.
It's much more romantic this way.
I'm serious.
Don't talk to him, ever.
It'll wreck the relationship.
But if we don't talk, what kind of relationship is that? The very best kind.
Oh, my God.
Is this Chocolate? He's perfect! Susan, this was delicious.
Ah, just a little something I whipped up.
A toast to Julie and Susan for inviting us into your beautiful home, and offering us this amazing gift of life.
You're not drinking, Debbie? Oh.
I'm abstaining in a show of solidarity with Julie.
I may not be able to carry my own baby, but I can support the woman who is.
Oh, that's sweet.
But word of advice drop that plan when the doctor starts talking episiotomy.
Oh.
- Susan, I can't believe how great you're being about this.
- Yeah.
It's wonderful that your mother is so supportive.
Yeah, well, she understands how this is going to be so much better for everyone.
Absolutely.
Can't think of a better home for this baby than with the two of you.
Oh.
Julie, do you mind getting the dessert? Oh, sure.
And, Debbie, if you're peeing in solidarity with me, then, uh, that's where I'll be heading first.
Aw.
You have done an incredible job with her.
She seems great.
Yeah.
She's having one of her good days.
Her good days? Yeah.
Seems Dr.
Cohen finally got her meds perfectly balanced.
It's why I'm letting her use a knife tonight.
Wait.
Meds? She never mentioned anything on her application about mental illness? Yeah.
Grandma used to say our family tree grew nothing but bananas Before she hung herself.
I think legally she had to disclose this to us.
Oh, don't talk to Julie about legal.
Then we'll have to see all of her jail tattoos.
Bill? Um what else didn't she tell us? I don't know.
Did she tell you she can hold her hand over an open flame without crying? Yeah, her eyes water, but she just keeps laughing and laughing.
But it's not all her fault.
I should've stopped drinking when I was pregnant, but I likes my wine.
I'm back.
Who's ready for dessert? You don't have to do that.
Still not talking to me, huh? I'm channeling my anger into cleaning.
Well, I was going to apologize, but maybe I should wait until you tackle the bathroom.
You do realize that scaring those people off doesn't change anything.
I'm healthy.
I'm white.
I'm a year away from my PHD.
You can't imagine how many people want this baby.
Including me.
I'm sorry.
It's my grandchild.
And I know that you think you have thought this all out, but until you have held that baby in your arms, you have no idea what you're giving up.
I'm going to bed.
No, please, hear me out.
You're scared.
I get it.
But you can do this.
I don't wanna be a single mother! Why can't you respect that? It's not so bad being a single mother.
We had a great time.
We were like best friends.
Remember? We would have cereal for dinner, and we'd stay up in my bed all night, telling each other our secrets.
It's funny you remember it that way, because I don't.
I was 12, mom.
I slept in your bed because you couldn't handle looking at the empty side.
And how about those fun drives past dad's apartment to see if he was bringing anyone home? And the only reason we had cereal dinner was because that's the only food I could make, since you were too upset to cook.
Uh wow.
I I had no idea.
That is why I don't wanna have this baby on my own.
Because I already raised a child You.
What are you staring at? Shh.
Don't talk.
Why not? You'll ruin our relationship.
Oh, we don't have a relationship.
Right, that's why you gave me the X-O's.
X-O's? What's that mean? I'll show you.
Sexual harassment? Are you kidding me? She's a 9-year-old with a crush, not a presidential hopeful.
Regardless, here at oakridge, we have a zero tolerance policy for unwanted advances.
Honey, I was a model.
I know all about unwanted advances.
Try being being stuck in a limo with a tipsy David Lee roth.
Your daughter forced this boy to the ground and kissed him against his will.
Oh, and we all know how much boys hate being kissed.
He cried for 20 minutes.
He could barely tell me what happened.
Oh, so he's a snitch and a crybaby.
That kid's not gonna last a day in high school.
Mrs.
Solis, I don't think you realize the gravity of this situation.
I mean, it's not like when we were kids.
Hey, hey, cotton top, you and I are not the same age.
You need to talk to your daughter, because if she so much as glances in that boy's direction again, we will have no choice but to expel her.
Mmm.
Hey.
Hi.
I don't usually do this, but I'm feeling rather bold tonight.
Can I buy you a drink? Sure.
Matt, drink for my friend here.
What's your poison? Whiskey, straight up.
I'm Bree, by the way.
Jerry.
Jerry.
Nice to meet you, Jerry.
Not much of a talker, huh? Well, that's okay.
I will ask all the questions.
What do you do for a living, Jerry? I'm a roofer.
Same thing I was two nights ago when you took me home.
Jerry.
Jerry, I'm so sorry.
Ohh! It's just so dark in here, and I it's okay.
It happens, especially with this crowd.
Well, I can assure you that I will not forget you twice.
Is there, uh, any way I can make it up to you? Well, I, uh I do remember the other night.
Mm? And, yeah, you have several ways.
Well, then, um Let's not waste any time.
Hey, kid.
Want a beer? Oh, right.
Thanks.
It's so weird to remember being a kid here and Now to be Yeah, I'll bet.
Imagine how weird it is for your mom.
I get that.
I just wish she'd Julie, if you're about to wish that your mom would stop trying to figure out your life for you, you're about to waste a wish.
Sounded like you were kinda rough on her last night.
I was.
She told you, huh? The fact that she didn't tell me is how I knew it was rough.
I was just really angry.
It's like she doesn't realize this whole thing is killing me, too.
No, believe me, she does.
That's why she won't stay out of it.
Well, it's not making it any easier on me.
When it comes to her kids, your mom has one gear, Julie love.
That's it.
And if you sort through all the times in your life that she drove you nuts, what she did, what she said, or how she acted You're gonna find love.
I know.
And as far as flaws in a mom go That's a pretty good one.
What's the big deal? I kissed him.
It's a free country.
Well, some people at school think that's inappropriate to do on the playground.
Oh.
Well, I know a spot at the park where we can kiss.
No, no, no, no kissing Ryan anywhere.
But that's how it works.
First, kissing, then get married, then he buys me presents.
Oh, my God.
You are my daughter.
Honey Uh, I don't think Ryan likes you like that.
What do you mean? He sent me a Valentine.
Actually, he didn't.
I did.
I signed his name, and I let you think it was from him.
It's just when you didn't get a Valentine, you seemed so upset, and I just wanted to see you happy again.
I'm sorry, Juanita.
I hate seeing you sad like this.
I'm not sad.
I'm mad.
You always lie to me.
I don't lie to you.
Okay, then, where's daddy? 'Cause I know he's not in Europe.
How do you know that? I can tell.
I'm not a kid anymore.
I know when you're hiding stuff.
Well You're growing up so fast.
Oh, honey, a part of me still sees you as this cute little baby I used to bathe in the sink.
But every day you're getting stronger and smarter.
So maybe I don't need to protect you quite so much.
Why don't we get some cupcakes? You and I are gonna have a little talk.
Mom What are you doing? Don't worry.
I'm putting them away.
Aw.
Remember these? No, mom, I was 1.
I had a pair that matched.
People would always look at us.
Because you were a grown woman in pink striped overalls.
They probably thought we were a Christian singing group.
They'd say we looked sweet together.
I wouldn't trade that memory for anything.
I know this is hard.
And I'm really sorry for the way I went off on you.
No.
I'm the one who should apologize.
I had no right to lie to those people.
And I know that I made mistakes with you a lot of them.
I guess I just told myself it was okay because you turned out so great.
You did the best you could.
I know that.
You're a great mom.
I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
Because no matter how hard it was You're always the best thing in my life.
Mom, I've given this a lot of thought.
And it's the toughest decision I've ever had to make.
But I've made it.
I understand.
I'm just trying to do what's best for her.
"Her"? It's a girl.
Hey, you.
Sorry I'm late.
Stupid traffic.
We should get a move on if we're gonna make our reservations.
No.
No, no, we have time.
Come on in.
So can I, um, get you anything before we go? Coffee or a drink or Dessert? Dessert? We haven't eaten yet.
I know.
I'm talking about dessert.
I'm not falling for this again.
Are you talking about sex.
I'm talking about sex.
Would you like to have sex? - Now? - Mm.
You said the kids are at your ex's all night.
We could still go to dinner.
No, no, no, no, 'cause then it'll be hanging over our heads all night, and I'll be drinking too much and laughing too hard at your jokes, and I really don't have any more reasons, so could we please just go have sex? Mmm.
I was kinda hoping that we could leave that on.
Five kids.
Trust me.
It's better off.
Oh, you have nothing to worry about.
You look amazing.
Tell you what.
I turn the bedside lamp on, and you get the candles.
How about I'll see your bedside lamp And I'll raise you.
.
A floor lamp? Unh-unh.
Floor lamp's out.
I'm not going over 25 watts.
Uh, how about Closet light on And I'll crack the door, and You Get to keep the candles? Sorry.
That's as high as I can go this round.
Then I'm all in.
Oh! Lynette? Sweetheart? What is going on? I couldn't understand your message.
That's what you left on my machine.
Can you use your words, please? Is this about your date with Frank last night? Grunt once for a "yes," twice for "no.
" Did you have sex with him? Sort of.
Sort of? What does that mean? I don't wanna talk about it.
This is ridiculous.
You called me over.
Now tell me what happened.
I cried.
Oh, no.
When? After? Right in the middle.
God.
Is there any way he didn't notice? I blew my nose in the sheets.
Kinda hard to ignore.
What made you cry? I opened my eyes, and and I saw him this lovely man I have a really nice time with and I realized My marriage is over.
Now didn't you realize that when Tom took his girlfriend to Europe? No, I didn't, because that was Tom, and I kept thinking, "boy, Tom's moving on," but this is me.
This is really happening to me.
Love bites, doesn't it? What did, uh, Frank do? He was really sweet.
Handed me a box of kleenex, said all the right things.
But trust me, I'm never seeing him again.
Well, think of it this way.
It cost you one guy to face the truth.
Your marriage is over.
Now you can move on just like Tom.
Yippee for me.
Mm-hmm.
I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told Bree when I took her out drinking.
The only way to live life is wildly.
What? You took Bree out drinking? Yeah.
Why? Is that bad? How the hell could Renee take her out drinking?! Doesn't she know Bree's an alcoholic? I have known Renee a long time, and she's not exactly what you'd call a detail person.
Well At least this helps explain the way Bree's been acting lately.
I don't know.
There's not enough booze in the world to justify the skeezes coming out of that house.
How could we not know this? 'Cause we're not speaking to her, you know, 'cause of what she did.
I was so mad.
I thought I'd stay mad a long time, but now, knowing that she's hurting It just seems mean.
Yeah.
I miss her.
I miss us being us.
So whatever happened, we need to put it behind us and go help Bree.
Do you think we can get through to her? I don't know, but we have to try.
Uh, you sure this is your house? What the hell? Wow.
Booze, loose morals, and now swearing? Too late.
There's no Bree left.
Why are you in my house? This is an intervention, Bree.
This isn't for tv, is it? 'Cause I'm married.
I was gonna tell you.
An intervention? You've gotta be kidding me.
We're your friends.
We wanna help.
Get out! All of you! Not you.
Idiot.
Talk to us, sweetie.
Why are you behaving like this? I don't know what you're talking about.
It's not like we can't see what's going on.
We know you're drinking again.
And what about all these men? We know about that, too.
Wow, can't hide anything from you girls, huh? And did you also know I tried to kill myself? What? Oh, my God.
How'd that little nugget of information slip past my nearest and dearest friends? If this is a joke, it's not funny.
It's not a joke.
I checked into a motel room with nothing but a bottle and a gun.
And you're wrong, Susan.
It is funny funny that the women standing here before me Professing to be my supportive friends - Are the reason that I was in that motel room.
- Bree, stop.
No! Don't give me this "friends" nonsense.
All I ever was to you was the organizer, the problem solver, a leader when you needed one, which is exactly what I was that horrible night when we buried your stepfather.
And I was so grateful for that.
Liar! All of you, liars! Because as soon as it got rough, as soon as there was any trouble, it all became my fault, and off you went.
We had no idea.
I wish you would have told us.
Oh, I tried.
But even when I came to you to apologize, you slammed your doors in my face! Okay, fine, you're right.
We did.
We screwed up.
We let this pull us apart, but that's not gonna happen again.
Because no matter what you think, - we love you, Bree.
- We'll do whatever it takes.
We just want things to be back the way they were.
Well, I don't.
Frank.
What's all this? Well, this I something I recently discovered called pizza.
I think you're gonna like it.
I'm sorry.
Did we have plans? Nope.
This is more of a stealth date.
Every time we made plans, there's been too much pressure.
So I figured, maybe things would be better if we sneak up on each other.
Do you have some unresolved mother issues or something? Well, actually, my mother and I get along quite well.
Why do you ask? Because that's the only reason I can think of of why you would keep coming back here.
Oh, I can think of another.
I like you.
You do remember I cried in the middle of sex, right? Lynette, you lived with the same guy for 20 years.
It only makes sense that he'd be in your head.
And frankly, I'd think twice about you if he weren't.
Is it weird to say "Frankly" when your name is Frank? Not until now.
Look, I'm a guy.
So obviously, I'm a complete idiot.
But the one thing I do know is that if you're lucky enough to meet someone who's sexy, smart, and funny, and who actually likes you, you give that person all the time they need.
Now where's your corkscrew? Uh, middle drawer on the right.
Hey, hey.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Mmm, mmm, mnh-mnh.
Wait.
I know you're more comfortable like this.
Leave it on.
Evening, Bree.
The usual? I suppose it has become "the usual," hasn't it? Yes, please.
Hey.
You know, I got a thing for redheads.
Wanna see it? Charming.
It's Bree, right? Listen, I just came here to have a drink.
I really don't feel like talking.
Yeah? Well it wasn't the chance to have a conversation that brought me over.
I beg your pardon? I know what you come here for.
We can stop the game.
We can stop everything, including this unfortunate encounter.
Now please leave me alone.
Wait.
Wait, wait.
So so suddenly you're some high-class lady? Hmm? Give me a break.
Everybody in this bar knows what you are.
You want me to start a tab for you? No.
No, I don't.
I have to go.
I'll drive.
Please give me my keys.
Come on, Bree.
I see some of the dirtbags you drag out of this place.
What? I don't make the cut? No, you're vile.
Now give me my keys and get away from me.
Whoa.
This is a new low for me.
I'm not good enough for the town pump.
You know what? - I think we'll take my car.
- Aah! I'm not going anywhere with you! Get your hands off of me! - You like a fight, huh? I can play rough.
- Aah! Let go of me.
Let go! You heard her.
Let go.
Orson! Hello, Bree.
We'll catch up in a moment.
If you're smart, you'll step away from her and go back to the hole you crawled out of.
Buddy, I got a rule about not hitting guys in wheelchairs, but you you're begging for an Asterisk.
Turn it off! I also have pepper spray.
- Orson, what are you doing here? How did you - Your friends called me.
They said you were going through a rough time.
Orson, I've made such a mess of my life.
Don't worry, dear.
The one thing you and I were always good at was cleaning things up.
Yes, love can bring out the best in us The confidence to move on The courage to tell the truth The strength to keep hoping But sometimes what surprises us most isn't what love brings out But who it brings back.