Roseanne s08e15 Episode Script
Out of the Past
( harmonica wails ) Okay, we're nearing the end with me in the lead, actually-- Followed by darlene with 137 And Becky with 123, And bringing up the rear, Mark with a personal best of 73.
All right.
Darlene, you're up.
Okay.
Ah.
I've got it.
I'll just put down the y.
"buckety"? It's not a word.
Of course it is.
It means "of or pertaining to Or having the characteristics of a bucket," As in "when Roseanne is angry, Her mouth is quite buckety.
" I'm looking it up.
Here's an interesting bit of trivia for you, David-- Milton bradley was killed by his girlfriend.
Okay, uh the double-letter score is 24.
You wouldn't give me "twinkie" but you give her "buckety"? Well, fine, you challenge her then.
Yeah, and then i'll go poke mom with a stick While she's sleeping.
Oh, none of this really matters, 'cause i'm gonna win.
( all laugh ) What's gonna be this time, Mark-- "it" or "is"? Read it and weep, smart guys-- "oxygen.
" Wow.
Uh, that's "x" On the triple-letter score Plus triple-word score Is 99.
Add that onto what he has ( laughs ) my god! That puts Mark in the lead.
Oh, I won! I won! I finally won! The knowledge in my head is quite buckety.
i'm the boss of you i'm the boss of you and i've always been the boss of you.
Wait a minute, Mark.
Uh "oxygen" is not a word.
Yeah, she's right.
"oxygen"? That's not a word.
Yeah.
Ahem.
It-- it's an abbreviation.
Bull, I saw it on air tanks.
Well, yeah, of course.
That's because they have to use the abbreviation 'cause the full word wouldn't fit on the air tank.
Unless you printed it vertically, which is-- uh Which is-- which is just against the law.
Okay.
Ahem.
"it.
" ( theme music playing ) ( Roseanne laughing ) Yeah, i'm sure this time.
That's what I want.
All right, now deliver that to 714 delaware street, Lanford, Illinois.
Excuse me, I think I left my credit card here.
Oh, never mind.
I'm sorry, pumpkin, I just don't feel like going out tonight.
I mean I know it's Saturday, okay? But, gee, not every night has to be a party.
Every night? We never go out.
The olympic torch goes out more often than we do.
Well, i'm tired after work, okay? Besides, it's hard being around people After being around that all day.
Oh, sticks and stones may break my bones, But at least they're not part of my sex life.
He never wants to do anything but lie around the house.
I don't know how he can call himself gay.
So what? He just came out of the closet And headed straight for the couch.
So what time do you think nana mary's gonna get to my place tonight? Well, if she remembers her glasses, She'll be in lanford in an hour And if not, she'll be in lansing by midnight.
She was so excited to meet my andy, She must be dying to meet jerry.
Yeah.
You know, she's excited to have someone else in the family That has a soft spot in their head.
Well, look at this-- my first paper tip.
The conner luck is changing.
- invest.
- ( door opens ) Hey, honey, got those sandwiches for the poker game? - yeah, I do.
- hi, Dan.
I made them last week so you'll have to nuke them for about 10 seconds To reactivate the grease.
Bye, honey.
Hey, maverick, Why don't you invite Leon and scott for your poker game tonight? Oh, that sounds wonderful.
What time, Dan? Love to have you.
You know, he just may go for this.
I'll pass it off as a new and different cultural experience.
Yeah, Dan got the jalapeno doritos this time.
Roseanne, what are you doing? It's supposed a night out for the guys.
What, you don't count them as guys? No, it's not that.
They're married-- They'll be nagging each other all night long About how much they drank, How much they're betting-- ( effeminately ) is that $5 of your money or our money? Yip yip-yip, yip-yip, yip yip yip.
It'd be like if you came.
- okay, they can come.
- ( door opens ) ( sighs ) Well, I tried.
I tried everything.
He absolutely will not come to this poker game.
Well, did you let him know that i'm not gonna be there? I'll bring the dip.
( knock on door ) Oh, that's your great-grandma.
Nana mary is really kind of crazy.
She drinks too much and she's loud and obnoxious, But she's got some killer stories about the depression.
- hi.
- hello.
Hello, Jackie.
- look at andy.
- oh.
Oh, andy.
Hello, sweetheart.
Could you run down to the drugstore, please, Jackie, And get me a pack of smokes? Maybe later-- yeah, nana.
( chuckles ) All right, honey.
Oh, Rosie, hello.
Hey.
This here is your great-grandson Jerry garcia conner.
Hello.
Hello, jerry.
Oh, he's cute.
He's cute-- big.
Hey, fourth baby or not, this one really had to hurt, huh? - oh.
- do you wanna hold him? No, they all drip.
I'll hold him when he's three.
Okay, naptime.
Oh, that sounds great.
I'm ready.
No, she means the kids.
Oh, that's okay too.
Attaboy, yeah.
Okay, so what's in the box here? I hope it's not more clothes from all your dead friends.
It's all the toys that you and Jackie used to play with When you came over to my house Because your mother and father were trying to kill each other.
- remember? - oh.
Look at this stuff.
This is all of our toys.
This is gonna make me so sentimental.
Yeah, but it's not all the toys.
Anything that was worth any money Went to pay for my new hip.
This box actually smells like the 1950s.
( sniffs ) Oh Ike.
It's gonna be so great, you know? Just like old times, the three of us sitting around And remembering all the old stuff that used to happen.
( snores ) Well, her hair is already short, But, just for old times' sake, let's get the scissors anyway.
Kings bet 50ยข.
Uh, i'm in.
I see you and raise you $1.
Ooh.
Well, i'm out.
Scott's probably bluffing like when he said he could cook.
The dealer is in.
Yeah, you're just upset because you're down $10.
I am in.
Or because it's been six weeks since the wedding And someone I know hasn't answered their share - of the thank-you notes.
- and i've spent the last two weeks-- Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey.
I thought I told you guys no marriage talk.
We're here to play cards, not chit chat.
He's been chit chatting about the bulls game.
- games are okay.
- cars.
Yeah, cars are fine too.
How about the arts? You follow the arts, bob? What is that, like theater? Yes, I keep up with the theater.
In a tabloid the other day I saw a picture of o.
J.
Going to "damned yankees.
" - oh man.
- let's Not talk about the-- What, "damned yankees"? Why not? I hear the choreography has verve.
He meant o.
J.
, bob.
I mean some people are afraid to discuss it in mixed company.
Yes, I for one am sick of o.
J.
He's on the golf course, he's making a video-- I wish it would just go away.
Why can't the man do what he wants? He was acquitted.
- oh please.
- oh, Chuck, come on.
I mean even you have to admit that trial was a joke.
I don't think so.
I was happy with the way it came out.
- me too! - i'm getting another beer.
Anybody want one? I brought salad.
Look, Chuck, please.
( stammers ) The verdict was ridiculous.
Look, all I know is it's hard for a black man To get a fair shake in this country.
Oh, okay.
Well, you try being a gay man in Lanford, Illinois.
I mean, there is nothing like-- like having To correct the spelling when somebody paints "faggot" Across your garage door.
Hey, when was the last time You're driving down the street in a new car and pulled over for nothing? - I mean, nothing.
- hey, you know the pancake jamboree is this Sunday? Leon, when I walk down the street, People know i'm black.
Now when you walk down the street, For all people know, you're just another white guy.
With a great ass.
They don't care, scott.
Look, Chuck, have either of you guys ever heard Of a little thing called "gay bashing"? Look, don't talk to me about hate crimes.
Most of them are directed at us.
Guys guys guys! You've both made some valid points.
Now can't we all just accept the fact that we've all got it tough? Hey, happy, what do you mean "we"? What? Dan, you're a straight white male-- You've got it easier than anybody in the whole world.
Well, yeah.
Okay, it may seem like that, Chuck, But i'm telling you, lately us white males Been getting blamed for everything.
Maybe it's cause you did everything.
Listen, i've never done anything in my life.
Ask anyone.
Yeah.
Okay, listen, i've been hearing a lot lately About how white men are to blame for everything, About how we have all the advantages, How we get all the breaks, But look at me and bob-- we ain't living in no mansion.
- we had to struggle for everything we've got.
- yeah.
You've struggled for this? ( laughs ) ( car approaching ) Shh.
- ( engine turns off ) - oh, roseanne's home.
Hi.
- ( scott sighs ) - false alarm.
Oh, I guess we do have some common ground, huh? Yeah! Coming around again, brothers and sisters.
"not guilty" is not the same as "innocent," please.
Why would a man get in a car and drive all the way down to-- - tell them about rosa lopez - oh, please.
- That you read in the thing.
- oh, her.
She's a man-- rosa lopez is a man, all right? Can't hear, can't hear, can't hear Oh, you should see him sleeping in there.
- it's so cute, you wouldn't believe it.
- aww.
You know, jerry had pulled all the covers up over himself - and little andy is like - ( laughing ) Laying there shivering And his face is pressed up against the crib bars.
( chuckles ) well, I hope you took care of it.
Took care of what? Well, let's-- let's go through the box now, okay? No, we can't do it while nana mary is still sleeping.
That's totally inconsiderate.
But-- Roseanne, don't.
You know her, she's not gonna wake up.
( sighs ) well, let me give her one more shot.
Hey, look, there goes tyrone power In his underwear! All right, we're going in without her.
All right.
Oh, it's like stepping into a time warp.
And finding a great big box of crap.
Ooh.
Ah, man, and I was six Before I realized this was not a pet.
This is my cast, when I broke my arm.
What's this doing with nana mary? Don't you remember? She thought you were acting like a big baby.
So she cut it off a week earlier with her pinking shears.
And to this day it is hard To get a blazer to lay right on me.
Oh, look at this.
"princess isabella" lives.
Da-ta-da-da! We'll see if yours is in there.
Oh, there you go, Queen of the dirt monkeys.
What are you doing in my palace? I've come to dethrone you, princess.
Come, my dirt-monkey minions! You shall never get my throne Because your red, shiny monkey butt is too big.
God, it's my doll.
It's my Mrs.
Tuttle.
Oh my god, I thought she was lost forever.
Where have you been? I missed you so much! Well, her and Mr.
Tuttle got a little condo Outside of fort lauderdale.
So the last time I saw her-- I know we were sleeping over nana mary's house And I had her with me before we went to sleep And when I woke up, she was gone.
Well, I-- yeah, Probably, uh, you know, nana mary-- She might've taken her away from you because-- Well, she thought you were getting too attached or something.
And as I recall, you told me There was a string of dollnappings plaguing the area.
Yeah, yeah.
My betsy wetsy was so nervous.
So she held it in for days.
Mrs.
Tuttle was not kidnapped.
And nana mary didn't take the doll.
Of course nana mary didn't take the doll.
A workman was cleaning out my attic And he found it stuffed behind some insulation.
Oh, I was so glad it wasn't another dead body.
Dollnapper! Thieving, evil, rotten dollnapper! Admit it! Admit it! Okay, I took her.
Are you happy? No, on the contrary, it sickens me! Why, Roseanne? Why would you take Mrs.
Tuttle? Yeah, why? Why does a chicken cross the road? To get at the gin! Come on, stop fighting And let's have a drink.
It's getting dark.
I took her because I hated her! Why? What did she ever do to you? Well, if you wanna know, Just when we were little, you used to You know, think of me as some kind of a goddess.
You would do whatever I wanted you to do, Whenever I told you to do it and I liked that, Jackie.
I liked feeling all that control.
And then Mrs.
Tuttle came around.
Go on.
And then all of a sudden I just didn't matter anymore, did I? I'd be like, "come on, Jackie.
Do you wanna go play jump rope?" And instead of just saying yes, you had to run and ask Mrs.
Tuttle If she wanted to play jump rope and of course she didn't want to play jump rope, did she? No, she wanted to play marbles Or play with dolls or have a tea party.
She never wanted to do anything that I wanted to do.
Tuttle asked for it.
So I smoked her.
By shoving her behind some insulation! Turn her over, You will see what the rats did to her butt.
( jerry crying ) Let me go check on jerry.
( whispering ) did jerry steal the blankets again? - no, look.
- oh, look, they're all cuddled up together.
Nana mary: that's the way you two used to nap-- Cuddled.
As a matter of fact, that sounds like a good idea-- A nap around about now.
Uh, Roseanne, there's something that you need to know.
You don't deserve to know it, but i'm gonna tell you anyway.
Mrs.
Tuttle loved you.
- get out of here.
- she loved you, Roseanne.
I'd complain about you and i'd put you down And she always-- always-- stood up for you.
This lady was in your corner.
I didn't know.
She should've told me.
Well, it just wasn't her way.
I hope they're nicer to each other than we were.
They're gonna grow up practically brothers.
You don't think jerry's like, gonna terrorize little andy, do you? No, how could that happen? Andy is older.
But jerry is your kid, Roseanne.
You used to mop the floor with me.
He already took the blankets before.
Next thing you know, andy will be stuffed in some insulation.
No, he won't.
We'll make sure we-- you know, we'll break the cycle.
And I promise I will make sure That jerry is as sweet to andy As I should've been to you.
( sighs ) that'll still leave him open For a whole lot of pounding.
Thanks, thanks.
Nana mary: come on, everybody, it's sundown! - who's up for a daiquiri? - ( blender whirs ) I'll see that and bump it - 50 cents.
- aw.
I'm telling you, that "damned yankees" Was a terpsichorean delight.
I'm always amazed with your philistine inclinations.
I'm in.
I'm afraid I have to concur, bob.
There's such an artificial studied formalness To so much broadway choreography.
Give me martha graham any day.
I don't know what the hell you're talking about, man.
Martha graham? If you haven't seen the phoenix dance company, You haven't experienced dance.
I'll bump one.
Phoenix dance company is yesterday's mummenschanz.
Hey, don't knock mummenschanz.
Mummenschanz-- that's where theater and dance merge.
Gentlemen, let's get back to what we were discussing before.
I still maintain that the boston pops - set classical music back 50 years.
- bob: hear hear.
Oh oh! You know what this discussion reminds me of? Puccini's "la granada.
" ( all laughing ) - oh, oh, that vermeer exhibit in washington - well - Changed my life.
- oh, yeah.
Vermeer, bob, yes.
But just as you are dealing this game, The artist in any field must acknowledge That his is a nabokovian presence.
He must cast off any pretense Of a studied and artificial Naturalism.
- okay.
- he must be wholly present in his work.
All: I agree.
Read 'em and weep, suckers-- aces, full eights.
- damn.
- that's three in a row.
I ain't playing here no more.
( theme music playing )
All right.
Darlene, you're up.
Okay.
Ah.
I've got it.
I'll just put down the y.
"buckety"? It's not a word.
Of course it is.
It means "of or pertaining to Or having the characteristics of a bucket," As in "when Roseanne is angry, Her mouth is quite buckety.
" I'm looking it up.
Here's an interesting bit of trivia for you, David-- Milton bradley was killed by his girlfriend.
Okay, uh the double-letter score is 24.
You wouldn't give me "twinkie" but you give her "buckety"? Well, fine, you challenge her then.
Yeah, and then i'll go poke mom with a stick While she's sleeping.
Oh, none of this really matters, 'cause i'm gonna win.
( all laugh ) What's gonna be this time, Mark-- "it" or "is"? Read it and weep, smart guys-- "oxygen.
" Wow.
Uh, that's "x" On the triple-letter score Plus triple-word score Is 99.
Add that onto what he has ( laughs ) my god! That puts Mark in the lead.
Oh, I won! I won! I finally won! The knowledge in my head is quite buckety.
i'm the boss of you i'm the boss of you and i've always been the boss of you.
Wait a minute, Mark.
Uh "oxygen" is not a word.
Yeah, she's right.
"oxygen"? That's not a word.
Yeah.
Ahem.
It-- it's an abbreviation.
Bull, I saw it on air tanks.
Well, yeah, of course.
That's because they have to use the abbreviation 'cause the full word wouldn't fit on the air tank.
Unless you printed it vertically, which is-- uh Which is-- which is just against the law.
Okay.
Ahem.
"it.
" ( theme music playing ) ( Roseanne laughing ) Yeah, i'm sure this time.
That's what I want.
All right, now deliver that to 714 delaware street, Lanford, Illinois.
Excuse me, I think I left my credit card here.
Oh, never mind.
I'm sorry, pumpkin, I just don't feel like going out tonight.
I mean I know it's Saturday, okay? But, gee, not every night has to be a party.
Every night? We never go out.
The olympic torch goes out more often than we do.
Well, i'm tired after work, okay? Besides, it's hard being around people After being around that all day.
Oh, sticks and stones may break my bones, But at least they're not part of my sex life.
He never wants to do anything but lie around the house.
I don't know how he can call himself gay.
So what? He just came out of the closet And headed straight for the couch.
So what time do you think nana mary's gonna get to my place tonight? Well, if she remembers her glasses, She'll be in lanford in an hour And if not, she'll be in lansing by midnight.
She was so excited to meet my andy, She must be dying to meet jerry.
Yeah.
You know, she's excited to have someone else in the family That has a soft spot in their head.
Well, look at this-- my first paper tip.
The conner luck is changing.
- invest.
- ( door opens ) Hey, honey, got those sandwiches for the poker game? - yeah, I do.
- hi, Dan.
I made them last week so you'll have to nuke them for about 10 seconds To reactivate the grease.
Bye, honey.
Hey, maverick, Why don't you invite Leon and scott for your poker game tonight? Oh, that sounds wonderful.
What time, Dan? Love to have you.
You know, he just may go for this.
I'll pass it off as a new and different cultural experience.
Yeah, Dan got the jalapeno doritos this time.
Roseanne, what are you doing? It's supposed a night out for the guys.
What, you don't count them as guys? No, it's not that.
They're married-- They'll be nagging each other all night long About how much they drank, How much they're betting-- ( effeminately ) is that $5 of your money or our money? Yip yip-yip, yip-yip, yip yip yip.
It'd be like if you came.
- okay, they can come.
- ( door opens ) ( sighs ) Well, I tried.
I tried everything.
He absolutely will not come to this poker game.
Well, did you let him know that i'm not gonna be there? I'll bring the dip.
( knock on door ) Oh, that's your great-grandma.
Nana mary is really kind of crazy.
She drinks too much and she's loud and obnoxious, But she's got some killer stories about the depression.
- hi.
- hello.
Hello, Jackie.
- look at andy.
- oh.
Oh, andy.
Hello, sweetheart.
Could you run down to the drugstore, please, Jackie, And get me a pack of smokes? Maybe later-- yeah, nana.
( chuckles ) All right, honey.
Oh, Rosie, hello.
Hey.
This here is your great-grandson Jerry garcia conner.
Hello.
Hello, jerry.
Oh, he's cute.
He's cute-- big.
Hey, fourth baby or not, this one really had to hurt, huh? - oh.
- do you wanna hold him? No, they all drip.
I'll hold him when he's three.
Okay, naptime.
Oh, that sounds great.
I'm ready.
No, she means the kids.
Oh, that's okay too.
Attaboy, yeah.
Okay, so what's in the box here? I hope it's not more clothes from all your dead friends.
It's all the toys that you and Jackie used to play with When you came over to my house Because your mother and father were trying to kill each other.
- remember? - oh.
Look at this stuff.
This is all of our toys.
This is gonna make me so sentimental.
Yeah, but it's not all the toys.
Anything that was worth any money Went to pay for my new hip.
This box actually smells like the 1950s.
( sniffs ) Oh Ike.
It's gonna be so great, you know? Just like old times, the three of us sitting around And remembering all the old stuff that used to happen.
( snores ) Well, her hair is already short, But, just for old times' sake, let's get the scissors anyway.
Kings bet 50ยข.
Uh, i'm in.
I see you and raise you $1.
Ooh.
Well, i'm out.
Scott's probably bluffing like when he said he could cook.
The dealer is in.
Yeah, you're just upset because you're down $10.
I am in.
Or because it's been six weeks since the wedding And someone I know hasn't answered their share - of the thank-you notes.
- and i've spent the last two weeks-- Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey.
I thought I told you guys no marriage talk.
We're here to play cards, not chit chat.
He's been chit chatting about the bulls game.
- games are okay.
- cars.
Yeah, cars are fine too.
How about the arts? You follow the arts, bob? What is that, like theater? Yes, I keep up with the theater.
In a tabloid the other day I saw a picture of o.
J.
Going to "damned yankees.
" - oh man.
- let's Not talk about the-- What, "damned yankees"? Why not? I hear the choreography has verve.
He meant o.
J.
, bob.
I mean some people are afraid to discuss it in mixed company.
Yes, I for one am sick of o.
J.
He's on the golf course, he's making a video-- I wish it would just go away.
Why can't the man do what he wants? He was acquitted.
- oh please.
- oh, Chuck, come on.
I mean even you have to admit that trial was a joke.
I don't think so.
I was happy with the way it came out.
- me too! - i'm getting another beer.
Anybody want one? I brought salad.
Look, Chuck, please.
( stammers ) The verdict was ridiculous.
Look, all I know is it's hard for a black man To get a fair shake in this country.
Oh, okay.
Well, you try being a gay man in Lanford, Illinois.
I mean, there is nothing like-- like having To correct the spelling when somebody paints "faggot" Across your garage door.
Hey, when was the last time You're driving down the street in a new car and pulled over for nothing? - I mean, nothing.
- hey, you know the pancake jamboree is this Sunday? Leon, when I walk down the street, People know i'm black.
Now when you walk down the street, For all people know, you're just another white guy.
With a great ass.
They don't care, scott.
Look, Chuck, have either of you guys ever heard Of a little thing called "gay bashing"? Look, don't talk to me about hate crimes.
Most of them are directed at us.
Guys guys guys! You've both made some valid points.
Now can't we all just accept the fact that we've all got it tough? Hey, happy, what do you mean "we"? What? Dan, you're a straight white male-- You've got it easier than anybody in the whole world.
Well, yeah.
Okay, it may seem like that, Chuck, But i'm telling you, lately us white males Been getting blamed for everything.
Maybe it's cause you did everything.
Listen, i've never done anything in my life.
Ask anyone.
Yeah.
Okay, listen, i've been hearing a lot lately About how white men are to blame for everything, About how we have all the advantages, How we get all the breaks, But look at me and bob-- we ain't living in no mansion.
- we had to struggle for everything we've got.
- yeah.
You've struggled for this? ( laughs ) ( car approaching ) Shh.
- ( engine turns off ) - oh, roseanne's home.
Hi.
- ( scott sighs ) - false alarm.
Oh, I guess we do have some common ground, huh? Yeah! Coming around again, brothers and sisters.
"not guilty" is not the same as "innocent," please.
Why would a man get in a car and drive all the way down to-- - tell them about rosa lopez - oh, please.
- That you read in the thing.
- oh, her.
She's a man-- rosa lopez is a man, all right? Can't hear, can't hear, can't hear Oh, you should see him sleeping in there.
- it's so cute, you wouldn't believe it.
- aww.
You know, jerry had pulled all the covers up over himself - and little andy is like - ( laughing ) Laying there shivering And his face is pressed up against the crib bars.
( chuckles ) well, I hope you took care of it.
Took care of what? Well, let's-- let's go through the box now, okay? No, we can't do it while nana mary is still sleeping.
That's totally inconsiderate.
But-- Roseanne, don't.
You know her, she's not gonna wake up.
( sighs ) well, let me give her one more shot.
Hey, look, there goes tyrone power In his underwear! All right, we're going in without her.
All right.
Oh, it's like stepping into a time warp.
And finding a great big box of crap.
Ooh.
Ah, man, and I was six Before I realized this was not a pet.
This is my cast, when I broke my arm.
What's this doing with nana mary? Don't you remember? She thought you were acting like a big baby.
So she cut it off a week earlier with her pinking shears.
And to this day it is hard To get a blazer to lay right on me.
Oh, look at this.
"princess isabella" lives.
Da-ta-da-da! We'll see if yours is in there.
Oh, there you go, Queen of the dirt monkeys.
What are you doing in my palace? I've come to dethrone you, princess.
Come, my dirt-monkey minions! You shall never get my throne Because your red, shiny monkey butt is too big.
God, it's my doll.
It's my Mrs.
Tuttle.
Oh my god, I thought she was lost forever.
Where have you been? I missed you so much! Well, her and Mr.
Tuttle got a little condo Outside of fort lauderdale.
So the last time I saw her-- I know we were sleeping over nana mary's house And I had her with me before we went to sleep And when I woke up, she was gone.
Well, I-- yeah, Probably, uh, you know, nana mary-- She might've taken her away from you because-- Well, she thought you were getting too attached or something.
And as I recall, you told me There was a string of dollnappings plaguing the area.
Yeah, yeah.
My betsy wetsy was so nervous.
So she held it in for days.
Mrs.
Tuttle was not kidnapped.
And nana mary didn't take the doll.
Of course nana mary didn't take the doll.
A workman was cleaning out my attic And he found it stuffed behind some insulation.
Oh, I was so glad it wasn't another dead body.
Dollnapper! Thieving, evil, rotten dollnapper! Admit it! Admit it! Okay, I took her.
Are you happy? No, on the contrary, it sickens me! Why, Roseanne? Why would you take Mrs.
Tuttle? Yeah, why? Why does a chicken cross the road? To get at the gin! Come on, stop fighting And let's have a drink.
It's getting dark.
I took her because I hated her! Why? What did she ever do to you? Well, if you wanna know, Just when we were little, you used to You know, think of me as some kind of a goddess.
You would do whatever I wanted you to do, Whenever I told you to do it and I liked that, Jackie.
I liked feeling all that control.
And then Mrs.
Tuttle came around.
Go on.
And then all of a sudden I just didn't matter anymore, did I? I'd be like, "come on, Jackie.
Do you wanna go play jump rope?" And instead of just saying yes, you had to run and ask Mrs.
Tuttle If she wanted to play jump rope and of course she didn't want to play jump rope, did she? No, she wanted to play marbles Or play with dolls or have a tea party.
She never wanted to do anything that I wanted to do.
Tuttle asked for it.
So I smoked her.
By shoving her behind some insulation! Turn her over, You will see what the rats did to her butt.
( jerry crying ) Let me go check on jerry.
( whispering ) did jerry steal the blankets again? - no, look.
- oh, look, they're all cuddled up together.
Nana mary: that's the way you two used to nap-- Cuddled.
As a matter of fact, that sounds like a good idea-- A nap around about now.
Uh, Roseanne, there's something that you need to know.
You don't deserve to know it, but i'm gonna tell you anyway.
Mrs.
Tuttle loved you.
- get out of here.
- she loved you, Roseanne.
I'd complain about you and i'd put you down And she always-- always-- stood up for you.
This lady was in your corner.
I didn't know.
She should've told me.
Well, it just wasn't her way.
I hope they're nicer to each other than we were.
They're gonna grow up practically brothers.
You don't think jerry's like, gonna terrorize little andy, do you? No, how could that happen? Andy is older.
But jerry is your kid, Roseanne.
You used to mop the floor with me.
He already took the blankets before.
Next thing you know, andy will be stuffed in some insulation.
No, he won't.
We'll make sure we-- you know, we'll break the cycle.
And I promise I will make sure That jerry is as sweet to andy As I should've been to you.
( sighs ) that'll still leave him open For a whole lot of pounding.
Thanks, thanks.
Nana mary: come on, everybody, it's sundown! - who's up for a daiquiri? - ( blender whirs ) I'll see that and bump it - 50 cents.
- aw.
I'm telling you, that "damned yankees" Was a terpsichorean delight.
I'm always amazed with your philistine inclinations.
I'm in.
I'm afraid I have to concur, bob.
There's such an artificial studied formalness To so much broadway choreography.
Give me martha graham any day.
I don't know what the hell you're talking about, man.
Martha graham? If you haven't seen the phoenix dance company, You haven't experienced dance.
I'll bump one.
Phoenix dance company is yesterday's mummenschanz.
Hey, don't knock mummenschanz.
Mummenschanz-- that's where theater and dance merge.
Gentlemen, let's get back to what we were discussing before.
I still maintain that the boston pops - set classical music back 50 years.
- bob: hear hear.
Oh oh! You know what this discussion reminds me of? Puccini's "la granada.
" ( all laughing ) - oh, oh, that vermeer exhibit in washington - well - Changed my life.
- oh, yeah.
Vermeer, bob, yes.
But just as you are dealing this game, The artist in any field must acknowledge That his is a nabokovian presence.
He must cast off any pretense Of a studied and artificial Naturalism.
- okay.
- he must be wholly present in his work.
All: I agree.
Read 'em and weep, suckers-- aces, full eights.
- damn.
- that's three in a row.
I ain't playing here no more.
( theme music playing )