Cheers s08e16 Episode Script

(Sam) CHEERS IS FILMED BEFORE A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.
[people chattering.]
HEY, HEY, GUYS, TAKE A LOOK.
ISN'T THAT ONE OF THE RIGHTEOUS BROTHERS? YEAH.
YOU SEE, ROBIN COLCORD FLEW HIM IN TO SING TO REBECCA EARLIER.
WOW! WHICH ONE IS HE? I THINK THAT'S RIGHTEOUS BROTHER #2.
NO.
THAT'S-- THAT'S BILL MEDLEY.
HEY, TALL, DARK, AND PIPES DOWN TO YOUR SHORTS.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK HERE? WELL, MY PLANE FOR RENO DOESN'T LEAVE FOR ANOTHER 3 HOURS AND I DIDN'T HAVE ANYWHERE TO GO.
SO, WOULD YOU LIKE A DRINKING BUDDY? YOU BET! HEY, GUYS! (all) HEY! SO, BILL, CAN WE BUY YOU A BEER, HUH? (Bill) SURE.
ALL RIGHT! OK! LET'S SEE.
UH, EVERYBODY PONY UP HEY, BILL.
[all clamoring.]
DID YOU EVER SING WITH THE BEATLES? DO YOU HAVE YOUR OWN-- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
WAIT! WHOA.
ONE AT A TIME.
I--I--I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND THESE QUESTIONS, BILL, BUT, AFTER ALL, WE ARE, UH, PAYING FOR THAT DRINK.
OH, NO, NO.
I LOVE THEM.
MATTER OF FACT, THIS IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.
BEING WITH THE PEOPLE AND TALKING ABOUT MUSIC WITH THE FANS.
I MEAN, YOU GUYS ARE REALLY KNOWLEDGEABLE AND AWARE OF WHAT'S GOIN' ON.
THANK YOU.
AND I DIG IT.
NOW, WHAT WAS YOUR QUESTION? OH.
WELL, MR.
MEDLEY (Bill) MMM-HMM? HOW COME YOU CHANGED YOUR NAME FROM RIGHTEOUS? MAKIN' YOUR WAY IN THE WORLD TODAY TAKES EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT TAKING A BREAK FROM ALL YOUR WORRIES SURE WOULD HELP A LOT WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO GET AWAY SOMETIMES YOU WANT TO GO WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME AND THEY'RE ALWAYS GLAD YOU CAME YOU WANNA BE WHERE YOU CAN SEE OUR TROUBLES ARE ALL THE SAME YOU WANNA BE WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME YOU WANNA GO WHERE PEOPLE KNOW PEOPLE ARE ALL THE SAME YOU WANNA GO WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME HEY, WOODY.
HEY, SAM.
IS, UH, REBECCA HERE YET? OH, NO.
SHE LEFT A MESSAGE.
UM, "I'LL BE BACK LATER.
RIGHT NOW I'M ON TOP OF THE MOLD.
" WHAT? GIVE ME THAT HERE.
OH, WOODY.
THAT'S NOT AN "M.
" IT'S A "W.
" SHE'S GOING TO BE "ON TOP OF THE, UH, WOLB.
" LET ME SEE THIS.
NO, IT SAYS AN "O-U" THERE.
YOU SEE, CLIFFIE? SHE'S "ON TOP OF THE WA-WA-WAOUD.
" IT'S "TOP OF THE WORLD.
" "TOP OF THE WORLD.
" THE EXPRESSION IS "TOP OF THE WORLD.
" NO, NO, NO.
LOOK AT IT, DOC.
READ THAT.
WELL, I STAND CORRECTED.
SHE IS INDEED "ON TOP OF THE WOLB.
" POOR KID.
HUH? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SAMMY? AFTER YOU GUYS LEFT LAST NIGHT AT LITTLE WALLY'S, SHE WENT INTO THE LADIES' ROOM TO GET SOME BURGER GREASE OFF HER BLOUSE OR SOMETHING AND GUESS WHO PULLS UP.
ROBIN COLCORD WITH ANOTHER WOMAN.
AW, COME ON.
THAT FIGURES.
NO SOONER DOES SQUIRE COLCORD PUT AN END TO REBECCA'S CELEBRATED THAN HE'S OFF BALING HAY WITH SOME OTHER WENCH THE VERY NEXT NIGHT.
THE MAN IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING MORE THAN A RICH, SPOILED, NARCISSISTIC PHILANDERER.
I HATE MYSELF FOR ENVYING HIM SO.
WELL, IF REBECCA'S STILL RIDING HIGH, I GUESS SHE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT ROBIN'S OTHER BABE.
HOW'D SHE MISS SPOTTING HIM AT LITTLE WALLY'S? AH, COME ON, CARLA, YOU KNOW THAT PLACE.
YOU CAN'T SEE YOUR HAND IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE, WHAT WITH THE VAPORS COMING OFF WALLY'S FOOD AND, YOU KNOW, OFF OF WALLY HIMSELF.
SO, HOW'D YOU HANDLE IT, SAMMY? WELL, YOU KNOW ME, DADDY COOL.
I FIGURED IF SHE CAME OUT OF THE BATHROOM, SHE'D SEE HIM, SO WELL, I JUMPED IN.
I THINK I HANDLED IT PRETTY SMOOTHLY.
FIRE! FIRE! [women screaming.]
I'LL GET YOU OUT THROUGH THE WINDOW HERE.
NO, NO, NO, YOU TWO CAN USE THE DOOR.
WHY CAN'T I USE THE DOOR? ARE YOU KIDDIN' ME? YOU WALK THROUGH THAT DOOR WITH ALL THAT GREASE ON YOUR BLOUSE, ONE SPARK, YOU'LL GO UP LIKE A ROMAN CANDLE.
OH, SMART IDEA, SMART IDEA.
OK, GOOD.
[grunting.]
IT'S TOO SMALL! IT'S TOO SMALL! ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
AH, SHOOT.
DON'T PANIC.
UH--UH OH, I GOT IT.
I GOT IT.
HERE.
MAYBE I CAN SQUEEZE YOU THROUGH HERE, YOU KNOW.
TAKE OFF ALL YOUR CLOTHES AND RUB THIS SOAP ALL OVER YOUR BODY.
ALL RIGHT.
OK, FINE.
PLAN "B.
" PLAN "B.
" WAIT! WAIT! LET'S JUST GET OUT OF HERE! NOW! I GOT IT.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, PUT THIS JACKET OVER YOUR HEAD.
I'LL LEAD YOU OUT.
ALL RIGHT.
GOOD.
SAM, THAT'S GOOD.
BUT WHAT ABOUT YOU? UH, TAKE OFF YOUR BLOUSE.
PUT IT OVER MY HEAD, I DON'T KNOW.
SAM! COME ON, QUIT KIDDIN' AROUND! CAREFUL, FLAMES! WOW.
GREAT LOOKS AND ALL THAT SAVVY.
SAM, I SWEAR, IF YOU HAD A SPIGOT IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR FOREHEAD, I'D MARRY YOU IN A SECOND.
WELL, I HOPE THAT FIRE DIDN'T DO A LOT OF DAMAGE.
I LOVE LITTLE WALLY'S.
WOODY, THERE WAS NO FIRE.
I JUST MADE THAT PART UP.
WELL, SHE MUST HAVE LOOKED LIKE A DARN FOOL WITH YOUR COAT WRAPPED AROUND HER FACE, RUNNING THROUGH THE RESTAURANT SCREAMIN'.
NO, NOT AT LITTLE WALLY'S.
WELL, YOU DID GOOD WORK, SAMMY, FINE WORK.
I DON'T KNOW, GUYS.
THANK YOU, BUT THE MORE I THINK ABOUT IT, YOU KNOW, THE MORE I WONDER IF I DID DO THE RIGHT THING.
I MEAN, SHE SHOULD KNOW WHAT THAT GUY'S UP TO BEFORE SHE GETS IN TOO DEEP.
MAYBE I SHOULD TELL HER.
DON'T, SAMMY.
TAKE IT FROM A MAILMAN.
PEOPLE WANT TO KILL THE MESSENGER.
OR AT LEAST OVERTURN HIS CART AND KICK THE MAIL AROUND THE HALLWAY.
YOU KNOW, I AGREE WITH CLIFF.
THERE'S A GREAT DEAL TO BE SAID FOR DISCRETION.
YOU KNOW, IT'S ENTIRELY POSSIBLE THAT REBECCA MAY GROW TIRED OF ROBIN ALL ON HER OWN.
THUS AVOID THE HEARTACHE.
AND ON THE OTHER HAND, AS ONE WHO WAS CUCKOLDED BY A LOVER DEEPLY TRUSTED, THE LONGER LED ON, THE--THE HARDER THE FALL.
I'M JUST NOT SURE THAT REBECCA CAN-- CAN BE AS STRONG AND FORGIVING AS I WAS WHEN THAT BITCH DIANE DUMPED ME.
AH, YOU KNOW, SAM, I HAD THIS COUSIN, SKEETER, WHO WAS IN THE ARMY A BUNCH OF YEARS AGO.
WELL, HE NEVER SAW ANY ACTION.
ALTHOUGH HE DID BLOW OFF HIS THUMB IN A MORTAR ACCIDENT.
BIG SHOW-OFF.
ANYWAY, UM, HE WAS GOING OUT WITH THIS GIRL, AND SHE WENT TO THE KIWANIS DANCE WITH THIS OTHER GUY, LAIRD DANIELSON.
I SAW THEM KISSING AND HUGGING BEHIND THE PROPANE TANKS.
I WAS PRETTY MUCH IN THE SAME SPOT AS YOU ARE NOW.
WHAT DID YOU DO? NOTHING.
I'M WAITIN' TO HEAR WHAT YOU DO.
I'M GONNA TELL HER.
THERE HE IS, MY HERO.
HE WAS PROBABLY TOO MODEST TO TELL YOU ALL, BUT THIS MAN RUSHED ME THROUGH A BURNING BUILDING WITH HIS COAT OVER MY FACE AND THEN LED ME OUT OF THE FIRE.
AND I AM TELLING YOU THE FIRE WAS SO CLOSE THAT I COULD FEEL THE FLAMES LICKING MY EARS.
IT WAS HOT, ALL RIGHT.
ANYWAY, SAM, I JUST WANT TO THANK YOU AGAIN FOR SAVING MY LIFE.
LISTEN, THERE'S, UH I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU THIS LAST NIGHT.
[clears throat.]
SIT DOWN HERE, WILL YOU? THIS IS, UH, NOT GOING TO BE VERY EASY TO TELL YOU, HERE.
UM COME ON, HOW DO I START? IXNAY, AMMY-SAY, THE IMEY-LAY! THE WHAT? [gasps.]
ROBIN.
(Robin) REBECCA.
MY SWEET BABY.
A BUDDING ROSE.
I BROUGHT IT MYSELF BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO MISS EVEN A MOMENT OF ITS BLOOM.
OH, MY GOD.
THIS IS SO COOL.
OH, ROBIN, I CAN HARDLY WAIT TILL WE'RE ALONE TOGETHER AGAIN TONIGHT.
OH, YES, ABOUT TONIGHT, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.
AN EMERGENCY BOARD MEETING HAS BEEN CALLED.
HOW ABOUT A LATE SUPPER AFTERWARDS? YEAH, WELL, THE MEETING COULD LAST THROUGH THE NIGHT, YOU KNOW.
I COULD LAST TILL THE MORNING.
WHAT SAY WE PUT THAT TO THE TEST TOMORROW NIGHT, HUH? ALL RIGHT.
I'LL REST UP.
OLE.
OW! ARE YOU OK? NO.
I'M FINE.
I'M FINE.
I'M JUST GONNA GO PUT THIS IN WATER.
SAM, I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR DISCRETION LAST NIGHT, THAT IS, IF RUNNING ALONGSIDE A SCREAMING WOMAN WITH A SACK OVER HER HEAD CAN BE CALLED DISCRETION.
THAT WASN'T A SACK, THAT WAS MY JACKET.
REALLY? PLEASE BUY ONE FOR ME, HUH? WELL, AT ANY RATE, I WANT TO THANK YOU.
AND AS A MAN OF THE WORLD, I'M SURE YOU'VE BEEN IN SIMILAR CIRCUMSTANCES AND KNOW HOW EMBARRASSING IT CAN BE.
IT WAS NICE TO FIND AN ALLY IN A STICKY SITUATION LIKE THAT.
ALLY NOTHING.
I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO SEE REBECCA GET HURT.
NOR DO I.
SO I HOPE YOU'LL KEEP UP YOUR CONTINUED SILENCE, I MEAN, IF THE EVENT SHOULD EVER REPEAT ITSELF.
"EMERGENCY BOARD MEETING.
" YOU GOT ANOTHER DATE TONIGHT, DON'T YOU? SADLY, UM, YES.
I DON'T THINK I WANT TO HELP YOU, PAL.
SAM, YOU SURPRISE ME.
YOU AND I HAVE THE SAME WEAKNESS.
BEAUTIFUL WOMEN.
I HOPED, PERHAPS, MEN LIKE US SHARED A COMMON BOND.
OH, NO, WE DON'T SHARE ANYTHING TOGETHER HERE.
YOU KNOW, REBECCA'S MY FRIEND.
YOU GOT A LOT OF NERVE TO THINK I'M GONNA HELP YOU CHEAT ON HER.
I SEE, YOU'RE TAKING AN ETHICAL STAND.
WELL, LET ME COUNTER WITH THIS.
ONE PHONE CALL FROM ME, AND YOU CAN HAVE YOUR BAR BACK.
WHY DO YOU THINK THAT YOU CAN ALWAYS BUY ANYTHING-- THE WHOLE BAR? UH-HUH.
NO DOWN PAYMENT? CHEERS WILL BE YOURS, SAM.
OK.
I DON'T FEEL VERY GOOD ABOUT THIS, THOUGH.
YES, WELL, YOU CAN, UM, PRINT THAT ON YOUR COCKTAIL NAPKINS.
WELL, I'M OFF FOR A STRENUOUS BOARD MEETING.
I THOUGHT I GOT ALL THAT THORN OUT, BUT IT STILL FEELS LIKE THERE'S SOMETHING IN THERE.
[ice cubes clinking.]
AH.
OH, SAM, YOU SAID YOU HAD SOMETHING REAL IMPORTANT YOU WANTED TO TELL ME? YEAH.
I THINK I JUST MADE A DEAL TO BUY BACK THE BAR.
THAT'S WONDERFUL! ISN'T THAT FUN? YOU GET THE BAR.
I GET ROBIN.
[chuckling.]
DON'T YOU FEEL GREAT? [door opening.]
[door closing.]
I FEEL BAD.
YOU'VE LOST THAT LOVIN' FEELIN' HI, THERE.
WELCOME TO CHEERS.
WE'RE GLAD TO HAVE YOU HERE.
WHOA, THAT LOVIN' FEELIN' HI, THERE.
YOU LOOK LIKE A COUPLE IN LOVE.
THIS IS A PLACE FOR LOVE.
DOES THIS PLACE FOR LOVE HAVE A WAITRESS? WE'VE BEEN WAITING 20 MINUTES.
WELL, I COULD TAKE YOUR ORDER.
OH, MIGHT I SUGGEST HAND IN HAND ALONG THE CHARLES? TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, SUSAN AND I HAVEN'T BEEN GETTING ALONG LATELY.
GIVE US WHATEVER YOU'RE HAVIN'.
SAMMY, I'M TELLIN' YOU, IF SHE DOESN'T CUT OUT THAT MUSHY STUFF, SHE'S GOING TO LOSE THAT LOVIN' FEELING FROM THE NECK DOWN.
OH, COME ON.
IT'S NOT THAT BAD, IS IT? ELAINE, HONEY, YOUR BREAK TIME IS OVER.
[playing That Loving Feeling by The Righteous Brothers.]
I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE'S GOT A HARP IN HERE.
YEAH.
WELL, LOOK HOW GREAT IT SLICES THESE EGGS.
OH, OH, OH ELAINE, ELAINE, SWEETHEART, I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SAY THIS TO A WOMAN, BUT PLEASE, GIVE YOUR FINGERS A REST, WILL YOU? WOULD SOMEBODY GIVE ME A HAND WITH THIS? OH, YEAH, YEAH, I'D BE HAPPY TO.
I WONDER IF YOU KNOW THAT THE, UH, HARP HERE IS THE GRANDFATHER OF MODERN-DAY GUITAR.
YEAH, IT SEEMS THAT EARLY MINSTRELS WERE MUCH LARGER PEOPLE.
NEVER MIND.
I'LL LUG IT MYSELF.
HUH? WELL, SUIT YOURSELF.
I HEAR, THEY, UH, HAD HANDS THE SIZE OF SMALL DOGS.
SAMMY, YOU GOT TO STOP REBECCA.
YOU JUST GOT TO TELL HER BEFORE THIS GOES ANY FARTHER.
YEAH, COME ON, SAMMY, PUT US OUT OF OUR MISERY, WILL YOU? YEAH, SAMMY, COME ON.
SHE'S THINKIN' OF REPLACING THE BEER NUTS WITH THESE LITTLE CANDY HEARTS THAT SAY, "HOLD ME.
" "I'M YOURS.
" "LOVEY-DOVEY.
" HEY.
"FREE BEER.
" OH, NO, MR.
PETERSON.
FOOL ME ONCE.
IT'S GOTTA BE TOLD NOW, SAM.
"IF IT WERE DONE WHEN 'TIS DONE, THEN T'WERE WELL IT WERE DONE QUICKLY.
" I'M SORRY? MOVE IT, PAL! NO, I, UH, NO, I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT, AND, UH, I'M NOT GOING TO SAY ANYTHING.
I JUST, YOU KNOW, I THINK I'M DOING THE RIGHT THING HERE.
I MEAN, COME ON, YOU GUYS, WHAT SHE DOESN'T KNOW WON'T HURT HER.
WELL, SAM, YOU'VE PROVEN TO BE A BIG DISAPPOINTMENT TO ME.
AW, COME ON, MAN, DON'T-- NO, NO, NO.
YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS MODELED MYSELF AFTER YOU.
WELL, I MEAN, NOT THE WAY YOU'RE ALWAYS HUNG UP ON YOUR LOOKS, THAT'S KIND OF SHALLOW, REALLY.
AND NOT THE CHASING AFTER WOMEN PART, BECAUSE THAT'S KIND OF SILLY, BUT THE OTHER PART.
THERE IS NO OTHER PART.
YEAH, THERE IS, SAM.
THERE'S A PART OF YOU THAT'S ALWAYS LOOKIN' OUT FOR YOUR FRIENDS.
I MEAN, THAT'S THE THING ABOUT YOU THAT'S MADE YOU MY HERO, BUT NOW, LEAVING MISS HOWE ON THE HOOK LIKE THAT, I MAY HAVE TO GO BACK TO MY OLD HERO, ST.
THOMAS AQUINAS.
GUESS WHAT? I FOUND SOMEBODY TO SUBLET MY APARTMENT.
WHY? YOU'RE MOVING? WELL, I CAN'T EXPECT ROBIN TO LIVE IN MY LITTLE HOVEL.
UM, YOU TWO ARE GONNA MOVE IN TOGETHER? WELL, YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'S THE LOGICAL NEXT STEP.
YOU KNOW, EVERYTHING'S BEEN GOING SO WELL FOR ME.
MAN, I LOVE THE '90s.
YOU'VE LOST THAT-- HEY, YOU START SINGIN' AGAIN, IT'S GONNA BE A VERY SHORT DECADE.
UH, SWEETHEART, WAIT.
LISTEN.
DON'T-- DON'T MOVE OUT OF YOUR APARTMENT, HONEY.
UH, I GOT SOMETHING I GOT TO TELL YOU.
SIT DOWN HERE FOR A SECOND.
WHAT IS IT? I KNOW THIS IS THE LAST THING THAT YOU WANT TO HEAR, AND I SURE AS HELL WISH I DIDN'T HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO TELL YOU.
WELL, JUST GO AHEAD AND TELL ME.
ROBIN IS SEEIN' OTHER WOMEN BEHIND YOUR BACK.
WHAT? THERE--THERE WAS NO FIRE LAST NIGHT, SWEETHEART, JUST ROBIN AND SOME TALL, AUBURN-HAIRED BABE WITH LEGS UP TO HER EYES.
HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME? WHAT? I MEAN, JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE JEALOUS, THE FIRST CHANCE YOU GET, YOU HAVE TO TRY AND SUBMARINE ROBIN.
YOU NEED HELP.
REAL HELP, NOT FRASIER.
OH, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
LISTEN TO ME A SECOND HERE.
I'M TELLING YOU THE TRUTH.
I THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE MY FRIEND.
I AM YOUR FRIEND, DAMN IT.
I'LL TELL YOU HOW GOOD A FRIEND I AM.
ROBIN WAS GONNA BUY THIS BAR BACK FOR ME IF I KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT.
OH, BROTHER! HOW LOW CAN YOU SINK? DO YOU REALLY EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE A STUPID STORY LIKE THAT ABOUT MY SWEET BABY? HONEY THE GUY DOESN'T HAVE A BOARD MEETING.
HE-HE'S WITH THAT WOMAN RIGHT NOW.
I-- FINE, FINE.
I'M JUST GONNA PROVE YOU WRONG.
I'M GONNA GO OVER THERE, I'M GONNA WAIT OUTSIDE THAT BOARD MEETING.
NO.
YES, I AM.
AND THEN HE'S GONNA COME OUT, AND I'M GONNA SEE HIM, WE'LL SMOOCH A LITTLE BIT, AND THEN WE WILL LAUGH ABOUT YOU AND YOUR STUPID PITIFUL LIES.
[door closing.]
WELL, I DON'T CARE IF SHE DOESN'T BELIEVE ME, I'LL TELL YOU YOU KNOW, I--I FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF BECAUSE I TOLD THE TRUTH AND YOU KNOW, WHEN IT COMES RIGHT DOWN TO IT, I'LL BE ABLE TO LIVE WITH MYSELF.
SAMMY, COME HERE.
YEAH? WHAT? YOU COULD HAVE HAD THE BAR BACK, YOU JACKASS! SURPRISE, DARLING! [both screaming.]
WHAT'S GOING ON? OH! ROBIN, WHO IS THIS? WHO AM I? WHO ARE YOU? WELL, I SEE INTRODUCTIONS ARE IN ORDER.
CHRISTINE DAVI, NEW YORK CITY BALLET, REBECCA HOWE, PROPRIETOR OF CHEERS.
SAM WAS RIGHT.
OH, GOD, WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME? HOW CAN SOMEBODY AS BEAUTIFUL AS I AM BE SUCH A LOSER? ROBIN, I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING.
YOU'RE SEEING HER, TOO? WELL, THIS EVENING IS OFF TO A ROLLICKING START.
ROBIN, I AM NOT THE KIND OF PERSON WHO FOOLS AROUND WITH JUST ANYBODY.
ARE YOU SAYING I AM? BALLERINA, WHY DON'T YOU MAKE LIKE A SWAN AND DIE? ROBIN, I NEED A ONE-WOMAN MAN.
AND I AM A ONE-WOMAN MAN.
IT'S JUST THAT I'M STILL LOOKING FOR THE ONE WOMAN.
BUT YOU CAN BOTH TAKE HEART.
I'VE GOT IT NARROWED DOWN TO 3.
YOU TWO AND A LITTLE CHARGEE D'AFFAIRES IN THE FRENCH CONSULATE.
WELL, I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE.
I HAVE MY SELF-RESPECT.
NO ONE TREATS CHRISTINE DAVI LIKE THIS.
OH, UH--UH CHRISTINE, UH SO NOW I GUESS IT'S DOWN TO 2.
REBECCA, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW LUCKY I AM TO FIND SOMEONE SO UNDERSTANDING AND COMPASSIONATE AS YOU ARE.
NOT SO FAST, ROBIN.
I HAVE A LITTLE SELF-RESPECT MYSELF.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO CHOOSE, ROBIN, RIGHT NOW.
IS IT GONNA BE ME OR YOUR CHARGEE D'AFFAIRES? WELL, HONESTLY, I DON'T KNOW.
FINE.
THEN PROMISE ME YOU'LL THINK ABOUT IT A WHILE.
HI, SAM.
HELLO.
WELL, I GUESS I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY.
AH, I'M SORRY.
FEELING ALL RIGHT? ME? FINE.
WELL? DID YOU TELL HIM TO TAKE OFF? NO, SAM.
THAT WOULD BE THE EASY THING FOR ME TO DO.
WHY, DID YOU LET HIM OFF THE HOOK? DID HE PROMISE THAT HE WASN'T GOING TO SEE ANY MORE WOMEN? NO, SAM.
THAT WOULD BE THE EASY THING FOR HIM TO DO.
WELL, WHAT ARE WE LEFT WITH HERE? A DEEPER UNDERSTANDING OF OUR RELATIONSHIP AND, UH, WHAT WE, AS MATURE ADULTS, ARE GONNA DO TO MAKE IT WORK OUT.
YOU BOUGHT THAT? FOR YOUR INFORMATION, ROBIN WANTS VERY MUCH TO GET MARRIED.
HE DOES? YES, HE DOES.
TO ME.
OR ONE OTHER WOMAN.
HE NARROWED IT DOWN.
THAT'S A NICE TOUCH.
SAM.
OH, COME ON.
SOMETHING WORTH HAVING IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR.
NO.
YOU SOLD OUT.
I ABSOLUTELY DID NOT SELL OUT.
I MERELY ENTERED A FAIR CONTEST WHERE THE PAYOFF WOULD SATISFY ANY WOMAN'S WILDEST DREAMS.
YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT? [choking up.]
I BELIEVE EVERY SINGLE WORD.
[sobbing.]
OH, BOY.
WHAT AM I GONNA DO? I FEEL SO CHEAP AND SO USED, I THINK.
OH, GOD, SAM.
I CAN'T DO THIS TO MYSELF.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO BREAK IT OFF WITH ROBIN.
WELL, IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
OH, GOD, WHY DO I FEEL SO MISERABLE? IT'S NEVER THE RIGHT THING UNLESS YOU DO FEEL MISERABLE.
I KNOW.
I'M JUST GONNA-- I'M JUST GONNA TELL HIM IT'S OVER.
I'LL JUST SAY TO HIM, UM THAT'S IT, SWEET BABY.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, ROBIN COLCORD IS NOT WORTH ME LOSING MY DIGNITY.
OH, YEAH.
DIGNITY WHY NOT? I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING ELSE IN MY LIFE.
REBECCA, I KNEW I'D FIND YOU HERE.
THAT'S FASCINATING.
EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD AT THE END OF THE EVENING GOES TO THEIR HOMES.
YOU PEOPLE COME TO THIS BAR.
THIS IS YOUR CHANCE.
YOU GIVE HIM HELL.
I'M GOING TO MAKE HIM WISH HE'D NEVER BEEN BORN.
ROBIN MR.
COLCORD-- REBECCA, I'LL BE BRIEF.
YOU WERE VERY UNDERSTANDING ABOUT THAT LITTLE INCIDENT BACK IN MY LIMO, AND I THINK THAT KIND OF UNDERSTANDING SHOULD BE REWARDED.
SO I'D LIKE YOU TO HAVE THIS.
IT'S A DIAMOND BRACELET.
IT'S NOT MUCH, REALLY, THOUGH IT DOES COME WITH A SECURITY GUARD.
[scoffs.]
[whispering intensely.]
IT'S GORGEOUS! NO.
ROBIN, YOU KNOW, I DON'T LOVE YOU FOR YOUR MONEY OR YOUR DIAMONDS OR THE FACT THAT YOU CAN BUY MY FRIENDS BARS.
I LOVE YOU BECAUSE I THINK YOU'RE A VERY INTERESTING MAN AND I THOUGHT YOU CARED ABOUT ME.
OH, I'M SORRY.
I'M ASHAMED OF MYSELF FOR TRYING TO BUY YOUR FEELINGS.
I WANT TO TELL YOU THAT I'M STILL THE SAME MAN AND I STILL CARE FOR YOU THE SAME AS I DID BEFORE.
WELL, BY THAT, DO YOU MEAN THAT YOU CARE FOR ME, BUT YOU STILL WANT TO SEE OTHER WOMEN? EXACTLY.
BUT I SHOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT IF I'D OFFERED THIS BRACELET TO MY CHARGEE D'AFFAIRES, SHE WOULD'VE SNAPPED IT UP IN A BLUR.
I ADMIRE YOUR STANDARDS.
YOU KNOW, THIS DEFINITELY PUTS YOU IN THE LEAD.
I MUST GO.
WOULD YOU CARE TO JOIN ME? DID YOU HEAR THAT? I AM WINNING.
I'M WINNING.
YOU'VE GOT TO LISTEN LISTEN TO ME FOR A SECOND HERE.
COME ON, YOU'RE GIVING UP SOMETHING VERY VALUABLE AND VERY IMPORTANT.
YOU'RE GONNA REGRET THIS THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
[gasps.]
YOU'RE RIGHT.
I WILL TAKE THAT BRACELET.