Home Improvement s08e27 Episode Script

You guys ready for the farewell show? Yes, sirree! And we're gonna go out on top! We're gonna go out on top and we're gonna segue to new beginnings and brighter tomorrows! That's the spirit, Al.
All right! Oh, I'm a total wreck.
I can't believe this is going to be over.
Oh, I know.
Me either.
This is the last time I'm gonna introduce you guys.
The last time I'm gonna give you CPR.
Oh, gosh! I'm gonna miss all this! I'm even gonna miss your putdowns.
Just because the show's over doesn't mean the putdowns have to stop.
I can insult you long-distance.
What do you mean, long-distance? Jill got a job at a family practice in Bloomington.
Looks like we're moving to Indiana.
Indiana? Our lives are changing so fast! Oh, stop the roller coaster! Oh.
Al Al You know what, Tim? I knew we had to say good-bye to Tool Time, I didn't realize we'd have to say good-bye to you.
You know, but change can be a good thing.
Al's getting married.
Well, that's true.
Yeah! Yeah! All right.
And you know what? I'm pregnant.
She's pregnant.
(EXCLAIMING) This is it! Today's the big day! (SIGHING) Talk about a hot show! I got about standing by for when you "accidentally" burn down the set.
Do you really want us to burn down the set? How do you sleep at night, young man? Trust me, gang, the show's gonna be huge.
But since I'm a VP I get to watch it at Binford HQ with the COO, the CFO and the CEO.
Which one would be the SOB? Oh, I get it.
You're doing a fun thing with letters.
All right! Break a leg, guys! You know, I think starting electrical fires is a stupid idea! Heidi, Heidi, Heidi Shh.
Come on, guys.
This is our last Tool Time.
Morgan Wandell's not gonna tell us what to do.
He's not? No.
Tool Time's going out like we came in.
With no audience? No.
With style, with class.
No stupid fires, no fake explosions and no staged accidents.
(SIZZLING) Yeah See, it's much better when it's real.
Well, hidey ho, neighborette.
Oh, my! I see Al and Trudy's wedding arrangements are progressing.
Yeah.
But the seating arrangement, it's all messed up, just like my life.
Now wait a second, Jill.
I thought you were gonna take that job in Indiana.
Tim told me it was all set.
Yeah.
Well, yeah.
That's what we decided.
But I haven't been able to make the phone call.
It's a great opportunity.
The whole family's being real supportive.
You know, I just don't know what's holding me back.
Well, Jill, this has been your home for 20 years.
You'd have to leave your whole life behind.
You'd have to say good-bye to all your old friends.
We'd have to say good-bye to you.
So you're telling me to stay.
No, no, no, no, no You're telling me to go.
No, no, no, no.
Hello, not helping! Jill, this move is a very difficult decision.
I can't be the one to make it.
When I was a little girl we moved all the time.
My mom never questioned it.
She'd just say, "Whatever's good for your father is good for all of us.
" And we'd pack our bags and follow him.
So, basically, for 20 years you've been following Tim.
Yeah.
Right to the emergency room.
Now, see, that was the beauty of it.
I married Tim, we moved into this wonderful house, and I got to put down roots for the first time in my life.
And I've really cherished that.
Yes.
But on the other hand, Tim is making a huge change.
He's willing to base his life around you.
I really think that's worth considering.
What if we go to Indiana and it all falls apart? Well, what if it doesn't and you're a huge success? So, I should go, shouldn't I? Jill, there is no limit to what you can accomplish.
But if you want me to stand here and sell my best friends on leaving, I really cannot do that.
Wilson, I'm really gonna miss you.
So I take it you are going? Unless you think I should stay.
Jill! I'll make the call.
Thank you, everybody.
Welcome to Tool Time.
I am, and for the last time, Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
And of course you all know my assistant, "Al be doing infomercials for a living" Borland.
(AUDIENCE CHEERING) It should be a nice show.
It's our last show.
Of course, we all hope to be on to bigger and better things.
As a matter of fact, Al here's getting married this weekend.
We have a great last show for you today.
Binford wants us to intentionally overload a household outlet like this.
Thereby starting a fire and burning the entire set down.
Instead, I'm gonna show you the right way to do this.
Folks, just get a surge protector.
Duh.
End of segment.
Good night, everybody! Oh, I know what you're thinking.
Come on! Last Tool Time? Just plugging in a toaster? Come on! Aren't you gonna light anything on fire? Of course we're gonna light something on fire.
We're gonna burn this place down, baby! With everybody that helped us build it.
These diehard fans dropped whatever they were doing to be on this last Tool Time with us.
Let's have a warm Tool Time welcome for America's favorite all-tool band! The K & B Boys! (AUDIENCE CHEERING) Rock, Dwayne, Pete and Duke! And on handsaw, the lovely Janine! You guys are here to play music, right? Yes, sirree, Timmy! Pete! That would be me.
One, two One, two, three! Watch out You might get what you're after Cool, baby Strange but not a stranger I'm an ordinary guy Burning down the house ROCK: Go get them, Pete! Ladies and gentlemen, on staple gun, master upholsterer, Sparky Henderson! (ALL HUMMING) On shock absorber, Eddie from Eddie's Body Shop! On plunger, plumber Felix Myman! And on horn, Mario Andretti! One, two One, two, three, four! Hold tight till the party's over Hold tight We're in for nasty weather There has got to be a way Burning down the house All wet You might need a raincoat Shakedown Walking in broad daylight Three hundred sixty-five degrees Burning down the house Burning down the house Burning down the house Burning down the house Where's my can? The last time I looked it was below your back and above your knees.
Where am I supposed to put the garbage? Hey, give it to me.
Jill moved all your trash cans over to my side so there'd be more room for the wedding.
(GROANING) If this fence weren't here, we'd have so much more room, we could push the chairs all the way to one side.
You know, Tim, you're right.
We could have all the chairs facing this way.
Right.
And I would build the arch in your yard.
Well, why don't we take the fence down? Well, we certainly could.
Well, should we? We could always put it back up after the wedding.
How come we've never thought about taking this fence down before? Oh, I don't know.
Maybe we didn't want to reveal too much of ourselves.
But we went ahead and revealed everything anyway.
Yeah.
Let's take this sucker down.
I got a hammer.
I'll go get it.
No, no, no.
I got some tools over here.
Take what you need.
You got a pry bar in there? Yeah.
Okay.
Oh, boy! Oh, no.
Hmm? What's that? How many times do I have to bury you? Wait till you hear the latest news.
Hmm.
After the final show, Binford was practically begging me to come back to work.
They offered me more money, executive producer.
So now you're thinking about staying? Please, Tim, do not toy with me like this.
You people are wreaking havoc on my emotions! Calm down.
The decision is made.
We're moving.
It's just that they were dangling a pretty big carrot in front of me.
Yeah, well, you gave that carrot up for Jill.
She must've appreciated your generosity for that.
Uh, actually, she doesn't know about this.
I don't want this to affect her decision, okay? You're a good man, Tim.
I'm gonna miss having you as a neighbor.
You've been a good neighbor, too, Wilson.
An odd one.
(WILSON CHUCKLING) Hey.
Yeah.
All right.
Wow! Now we can see everything.
Does it look any different than you thought it would? Your fly's open.
Well, it looks like it's gonna be a great wedding.
I'm really glad we're doing this for Al.
Me, too.
This white wedding arch you made is so beautiful.
You know, I was gonna go with golden arches but I was afraid we'd have to serve over two billion Borlands.
Look, look! Harry and Delores! Welcome back.
Hey, guys.
I saw Al getting his picture taken.
Looks like he's gonna go through with this.
Yeah? Well, I'm betting it's gonna go the other way.
And he's not alone.
You guys are betting on a wedding? That's sick! Put me down for 100.
I say he gets married.
And I got 40 bucks says he's wearing a flannel thong.
Hey, I want some of that action.
I mean, you know, I want to bet on it.
WANDELL: Hi.
Hello.
Is this delivery for Al and Trudy? No.
Delivery for Tim and Jill.
What? Morgan Wandell.
Binford VP of media production, and you are even prettier than the way Tim described you.
Really? How did he describe me? Okay, he didn't.
Look, I need to see Tim.
I've been trying to convince him to stay with Tool Time.
He keeps turning me down.
He hated what you did to his show.
No.
That's all changed since the last episode.
We offered to make him the executive producer and we offered to give him a big raise.
But he won't budge.
Something about Indiana.
He turned you down because of my job offer? I guess so.
Must be hard for you to live with that one on your shoulder.
Look, I resent you trying to make me feel guilty.
Now, if you don't mind, we're in the middle of a wedding.
To which you were not invited.
All right.
But I'm gonna lose my job.
I'm terribly sorry.
Please, go.
All right, I'm Morgan Wandell.
Yeah.
I'm Morgan Wandell.
So, how come your husband's not here? Problems at home? No.
He's away on an assignment.
Well, if you were my wife, I wouldn't leave you alone.
Well, I'm not your wife and you still won't leave me alone.
You are the most amazing and wonderful man.
Well, hold that thought.
The wedding's starting.
And I got a lot of money riding on this.
They make a lovely couple.
Well, they say when you live together for a long time, you start looking like each other.
Oh, look.
Trudy looks so beautiful.
The minister's starting.
All bets are down.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here for this joyous and deeply moving Are you gonna cry through this wedding just like you did through ours? Yes.
But this time I'm happy.
And I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you, and to someday hear the pitter-patter of little Borland feet.
Do they make a steel-toed work bootie? And now Al would like to recite the vows that he wrote for Trudy.
My darling Trudy, what more could a man ask for than to be with a magnificent woman like you? You are my rock, my soul mate and my partner through this journey I like to call Life.
Come, my sweet princess, and we shall walk hand in hand Directly into The Twilight Zone.
Cal, the rings, please? Trudy, do you take Al to be your lawfully wedded husband, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do you part? I do.
Al, do you take Trudy to be your lawfully wedded wife, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do you part? You bet I do.
Now by the power vested in me by the state of Michigan and the Church of the Celestial Moon, I now pronounce you husband and wife.
Al, you may kiss the bride.
Jill, we're in the middle of a wedding.
What do you want to talk about? Please sit down in the hot rod.
I don't care what it's about.
I can't believe that you turned down Binford for me.
How did you find that out? Morgan stopped by to bribe us with a cheese basket.
What kind of cheese? Giving up that promotion was the sweetest, most selfless thing you've ever done.
It's the least I could do for you, honey, after all you've done for me.
And you really deserve this opportunity.
Yeah, I know I do.
But I don't want it.
I don't want to go to Indiana.
This is exactly why I didn't let you know about this.
I knew you'd change your mind because of me.
I don't want to leave here! And this is an opportunity that you have always wanted, to executive produce Tool Time.
Look, if I can find a job like that in Indiana, I can find one like that here.
But not with Dr.
Lee.
You said yourself this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Where are you guys going? Hop in.
I'll tell you all about it.
Wait.
We're not going to Indiana now, are we? We're not going to Indiana at all.
All right! Oh, shoot! Yes, we are! All right! Okay.
We're gonna think about it.
All right.
All right, everybody.
For the last 10 years, Al, you've been my right-hand man.
And you've not only been a big part of my life, in many cases you've saved it.
Trudy, you're getting a hell of a guy.
I know.
It's a very special day.
And if you're wearing a certain kind of underwear, a very lucrative one.
To Al and Trudy! To Al and Trudy! Health and happiness! Health and happiness! Hear, hear.
All right.
I just want to say I want to thank Tim and Jill for opening up their house to us, and Well, Tim, we've just We've gone through so much.
And I Well, I want to thank you for giving me my start on Tool Time.
This has been a difficult year, and you guys have been there for me every step of the way.
And no matter where you go or what you do, I just want you to know that you'll always be my best friends.
Al Al Oh, and, Trudy, thank you for marrying me! You're welcome.
Trudy and Al! ALL: Trudy and Al.
Trudy and Al! TIM: All right.
Oh, look.
Al must've dropped his wedding vows.
We should put them in a special place.
Okay.
Toss them in here.
(LAUGHING) Look, your wedding arch didn't fall down.
Do you remember the last time we were under one of those? We had no money, we had no kids.
No idea how our lives would turn out.
I think, so far, they've turned out pretty well.
If you had to go back and do it all over again, would you do it? Yeah.
Yeah, I would.
I mean, there's been bumps along the road.
I haven't always known where we were headed.
There was always a possibility of a crash, but I wouldn't want to travel with anybody else.
You? As a matter of fact, I would change things.
Yeah? What would you change? I don't think I'd propose to you in the back of a '68 Dodge Dart.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, what kind of car would you choose? That's not what I mean.
If I had to do it again, I'd pick a more romantic spot.
First time I looked at you, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.
Now 20 years later, I have the same feelings.
Except this numbness in my thumb I can't explain.
Jill Patterson, would you marry me? No.
No? I'm already married to the perfect guy.
I know you don't want to go to Indiana.
It's not about me.
It's about you.
Do you want to give up this opportunity? Yeah, I am.
(SIGHS) I don't want to leave my life here.
I just can't imagine leaving this house.
Well, if we ever decide to move, maybe we wouldn't have to leave the house.
What does that mean? Are we gonna drive this thing the whole way? No.
Don't be ridiculous.
There's faster ways to get there than by land.
Like what? (FOGHORN SOUNDING) JILL: I didn't know a tugboat could go this fast.
TIM: It can if it's got more power! (GRUNTING) So, instead, we're just gonna show you the proper way to do it, folks.
Just get yourself a (CHUCKLES) Well To Al and Heidi.
Health and happiness.
MAN: Heidi? (CLAMORING) TRUDY: Who's Heidi? (ALL LAUGHING)