Bob's Burgers s09e11 Episode Script

1 (Teddy sniffing) - You guys smell that? - I said, "Excuse me.
" - No, you didn't.
- Not that.
Something different.
It's a familiar smell but also somehow exotic.
Like going to a mall in a different town.
Oh, you're probably smelling my smelly mom.
- Hey! - She's been wearing "essential oils.
" Oh, yeah, the rosemary oil.
She bought them from her new friend, Angie.
- Her hot new friend, Angie.
- What? Mom's way hotter.
(scoffs) Hotter than Angie? Are you nuts? I mean, thank you, but you're nuts.
Mm, new friend.
That's nice.
How'd you guys meet? At the grocery store in the toilet paper aisle.
We bonded 'cause we buy the same brand.
And then what, she said, uh, "You know what goes good with toilet paper? Oils.
" Kinda, yeah.
It's, like, a hobby or something.
She's bringing some more over for me to try today.
I can't wait.
They're cheap and I love 'em.
- Like Dad.
- BOB: Gene.
She's young and she's fun, and I like saying, "Hey, Ange!" when I see her.
Oh, there she is! Hey, Ange! - That is fun.
- Eh.
- Fun enough.
- No.
- Hey, Linda.
- Linda smells great.
I'm Teddy.
- Easy, Teddy, easy.
Ange, that rosemary oil is amazing! My digestion is better, and I'm crazy relaxed.
Right, kids? Right? Yeah.
She just poops and sleeps, Angie.
Oh, I knew you'd like it.
Here's that geranium oil - I was telling you about.
- Ooh.
Yeah.
It's calming and relaxing like the rosemary, but this one also gives you healthier hair and skin.
Not that you need to worry about that.
- Oh, you.
Stop it.
- I want to buy some.
- What else do you have in there? - Well, this is clary sage, which is good for ovulation.
- I'll take it! - Oh.
It's for ovulation.
Don't talk yourself out of a sale.
Okay.
Hey, I'm having an essential oil party tonight.
Either of you want to swing by? An oil party? What's that? What is that? Oh, it's really low-key.
We have hors d'oeuvres and wine -and people checking out different oils.
- Sounds great.
Oh! You had me at hors d'oeuvres, wine and oils.
Well, Teddy and I were supposed to help Mr.
Huggins - move a bed tonight.
- Oh, right, I was gonna stay home with the kids.
- Crap! That's tonight? - Yeah.
But it shouldn't take any time.
I hope.
Because that's why I agreed to do it.
Well, it's from 6:00 to 8:00.
Come if you can.
- Here's my address.
- Oh, that's early.
I can go.
3456th Street.
Oh, what a fun address.
It really is.
Okay.
See you later.
Bye, guys.
- Bye, Ange! - Bye, Ange! We'll see ya later! Take it easy.
She's amazing.
Did I play it cool? No.
I could hear you breathing the whole time.
- Yeah - Like, heavily breathing.
LOUISE: So, looks like a fun night with the sibs.
No parents, no rules! Yes rules.
Tina's gonna babysit.
Right, Tina? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Okay.
TINA: Hey, guys, with Mom and Dad out of the house I have a surprise for tonight.
- You're going to bed early? - Is it a meringue? It's the jigsaw puzzle Grandma gave us for Christmas.
Ugh.
A jigsaw puzzle of the Big Dipper? - It's impossible! - She gave that to us, like, three Christmases ago.
If it didn't happen then, it's not gonna happen now.
Well, I'll just get it started, and maybe you guys will be jumping in before you know it.
Aha! These two pieces were already stuck together.
Off to a pretty good start here.
Hey, neighbor! Thanks for helping me do this.
Uh, h-happy to help, Mr.
Huggins.
- Hi, Bob.
- Hey, Teddy.
The place we're picking up the bed is a little further away than I thought.
- I hope that's okay.
- No problem.
- It's fine.
- Sorry I won't be much help.
Uh, can't lift anything since my back went out.
Well, uh, I guess that works for us.
Especially because it's an adjustable bed.
Those things are heavy.
- Yeah.
- My old one weighed a ton.
It looked like a dentist chair crossed with a Transformer.
Oh.
Do you need us to haul the old one away? - Mm.
Mm.
- Bob, why are you hitting me? - Don't.
Will you stop? - Mmmm.
Mm-mm.
- Your foot is getting away from you.
- Mm.
Yep.
No, I donated it.
The charity people came and got it.
- Really cussed me out.
- I hate those guys.
Linda! Come on in! So glad you made it.
Oh, I'm so excited, I'm gonna oil myself.
- Heh.
Get it? - Sort of.
This is Gary, Jill, Susan and Kim.
Some oil sellers.
All oil users.
Hi! I'm Linda! - Hi.
- Welcome.
-Hi.
ANGIE: And that's Reggie.
Reggie? Are you taking a break from the deli to learn about oils? Yep.
No more stinkin' like salami for me.
Eh, I'm still getting a whiff.
But it's good.
Also, I haven't been sick once since I started using essential oils.
- Wow! - And my toilet time? Let's just say it's uneventful.
And I'm so healthy, I don't even have to wash my hands.
Ever.
O Kay.
Look at all those oils, Angie! I thought you were just selling them part-time, but you've got more oil than a Beverly Hillbilly.
Oh, no.
This is my full-time job.
- Oh.
- But honestly, they sell themselves.
And maybe you can sell them, too.
Oh! I found another corner-piece.
Wait, five corner-pieces? You're fighting the good fight, T.
You're that puzzle's Renée Zellweger from Jerry Maguire You complete it.
(phone rings) Hello.
I'm a kid, but all my grown-ups are totally home.
Hi, Louise.
It's your Aunt Gayle.
Can I talk to your mom? I lost the lottery again.
Yeah, I lied.
Mom and Dad are both out.
They just like me to answer that way.
- Sounds natural.
- Oh, that's nice.
Did they go to the movies? Or go share one milkshake with two straws? Is that what people do? Tina! Aunt Gayle wants to talk to you! - Hey, Aunt G.
What's up? - I was calling for your mom, but I guess she's out with your dad doing married stuff.
Actually, Dad's helping move a bed, - and Mom's at an essential oil party.
- (shuddering gasp) What?! - Your mom's at an essential oil party?! - Yes.
(screaming) Oh! We got to get your mom out of here! - She needs an oil-vention! - Aunt Gayle, you're scaring me.
Yeah.
You know I love being screamed at and thrown in a car, but what is going on? Essential oil parties are dangerous.
I bought the distributor's package at one of those parties, $600 worth, and I couldn't sell any of it, and I used half of it on myself! - Oh, my God! - Bicyclist! It's on my credit card, Tina.
- I'll be paying it off till I'm dead! - Aah! We can't let your mom end up like me! Aah! You're right! We can't get any poorer, can we? I guess she could sell all of our belongings and our clothes, make us wear burlap sacks.
Aah! Burlap sacks are the itchiest sacks.
- We'll get her out of there.
- Hot dog stand! - Where? - I'm just saying we should stop at one! GAYLE: Okay, let's go over the plan one more time.
We go into the party, you take Mom aside, tell her the very sad story about what happened - with you and the oils, and we get out.
- Mm-hmm.
Bing bang boom.
Angie will not know what hit her.
We have to get your mom home before they bring out the big guns The credit card swipers.
- Can do! - And stay by my side at all times.
I can't be trusted with the p the p the peppermint oil.
Oh, God, just saying the name gives me the shivers.
- Peppermint oil.
- (shivering): Oh ! and that's when I got my "aroma diploma.
" (laughter) Oh, I'm not sure why you're all laughing.
Ugh.
It smells like someone ate, prayed and loved -too much in here.
- GAYLE: Oh, no.
- It's worse than I thought.
- TINA: Why? GAYLE: She's pretty.
GENE: Thank you.
No, the host.
Pretty friends are your mom's a-chillies heel.
- Do you mean "Achilles"? - No, "a-chillies," like the heel.
She falls under the spell of these pretty people, and she doesn't even realize they're using her.
Like her cheerleader friend Monica in high school.
- Mom's a pretty pleaser.
- LINDA: Kids! Gayle! What are you doing here? Mom, Aunt Gayle has something to tell you.
(whispers): We got to get you out of here.
Stop it, Gayle.
You're acting weird.
I'll make a distraction.
You sneak out.
(deep voice): Pizza delivery! (whispers): Gayle, either zip it or leave.
- But, Linda - ANGIE: Oh, hi.
Sorry, Angie.
I didn't know these guys were gonna show up.
I Oh, it's no problem.
Kids, Gary brought his son Ronnie, and he's in the next room playing.
Maybe you could join him in there, make it the kids' room.
Fun! -(whispers): Linda.
- Yeah, uh, yeah, kids, go play in the kids' room.
Stop it, Gayle.
Gayle, finish the job.
Do you guys like doing puzzles? - Yes.
- LOUISE and GENE: No! I think this is it.
BOB: That's not too bad.
HUGGINS: Nah.
Keep going.
I think this is it.
BOB: Oh my God.
BOB (grunting): This is just so awkward.
Have you never moved a mattress before? I-I don't remember.
I think everywhere I lived they were just there already.
Don't worry, the frame will be a lot easier.
It weighs about eight times as much as the mattress, - but it's not as bendy.
- BOB: Oh, God.
I think I've asked too much of people I don't know all that well.
-(grunts): Well, maybe.
- No, it's fine.
So let's fix that.
What's your favorite movie? - Or your favorite childhood memory? - What? Let's, uh, let's get to know each other better.
Uh, maybe let's, uh, wait until we finish.
For me, it's Dark Crystal - and the time my dad high-fived me.
- Well, that's nice.
And oils don't just make you smell great, they make you feel great.
- Oh, I love oils! - Speaking of oils - (whining, barking) - Oh, look! Uh-oh.
Someone's up from his nap.
No, no, Ringo.
No.
Ringo, no jumping.
Ringo.
- Oh, it's okay.
- It's a puppy.
- So adorable.
Oh, I love his name.
I called him Ringo, because he had ringworm.
Oh.
Get down.
Get down.
And because he pways the dwums.
Ah-ha-ha-ha! Drums! Like Ringo McCartney.
TINA: This English cottage is coming together.
You bet your ass.
This is taking too long.
What's Aunt Gayle doing out there?! She must have started a silent conga line, since I don't hear any conga line music.
You know what? I'm gonna go out there and just tell Mom myself.
- Aunt Gayle had her chance - Hey, guys.
Sorry to interrupt, but do you mind if we put Ringo in here? - Oh, my God, what's happening? - Ringo! Don't! Stop! Him! Are you saying, "Don't stop him"? Or "Don't.
Stop him"? I'm saying get away! Get away from us! I mean, we're fine with him in here.
Okay, good.
I'll leave you guys to play.
Who's the best boy in the world? Who's the softest boy? (singsongy): My ears are burning.
TEDDY: Are you sure you're even lifting, Bob? (straining): Yes.
I am trying.
It's really heavy, and I am so weak.
(both grunting) What about your favorite foods? I'll start this one.
Thai food.
No.
Mexican.
Wait.
Thai.
You know what? I think it's a tie.
A Mexican-Thai tie.
- Hey, I need another break.
- No.
I have to hold this thing every time we take a break.
It's not a break for me, Bob.
I'm just gonna push.
Whatever happens, happens.
-(yells) - Wait, wait, wait, wait! I already started! I can't stop now! I'm pinned against the door! Pull it back! I can't.
It's stuck.
(groans) I'm gonna try to open the door.
Aah! It's locked! Oh, you know what? I probably should've gone ahead of you guys, because I have a key.
Here you go! - Ow! - Oh, did I get you? J-Just my head and my face.
You need to get out of here, Linda.
Gayle, I said knock it off! How are things goin' over here? So far, so great! But, um we're gonna leave.
- What? No! - Yeah, we should.
The kids are probably bored stiff in there.
(laughing): Right? LOUISE: Now you're Smush face, now you're smooth face.
Now you're Smush face, now you're smooth face.
- Now you're Smush face - I feel like there's something else - we're supposed to be doing right now.
- now you're smooth face.
Well, I'm up to my butt in puzzle, so Almost done here.
Just gonna do this one hundred more times.
Yeah, I should probably make his back skin into a purse again.
Yeah.
And we're finally done.
Wow, this thing's amazing.
I'm so grateful to you fellas.
I don't have any beer, but you want a tomato juice? Oh, no thanks, Mr.
Huggins.
- Uh, I'm-I'm gonna get going.
- It's just, n-now that I got this bed in here, I'm kind of freakin' out! The reason I got this new bed is I'm starting to date again Wow.
You don't have to brag.
(chuckles) Eh.
No, it's not that.
It's just I'm a little scared.
I haven't been with anyone for 20 years.
Oh.
Now my new lady friend is coming over tonight, I'm afraid I've been out of the game too long.
- Can I ask you two some questions? - Mm-hmm.
Oh, God.
You came to the right guys, Mr.
Huggins.
First of all, are silk bathrobes still sexy? - I'm thinking yes, but let's see it.
- Oh, boy.
(whispering): Linda, here's the thing.
You're in so much terrible danger.
Gayle, stop whispering in my ear! - Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! -(muffled) Mm, mm I'm gonna let go of your lips, and then you can calmly say - what it is you want to say.
- (muffled): Mm.
Oils will ruin your life.
ANGIE: Who here is familiar with the peppermint oil? Smell that.
Nng, nng, nng, nng, nng, nng, nng, nng.
Ah.
And we're finished except for the several missing pieces.
I mean, how hard is it to keep all your puzzle pieces in the box, right? You're my baby, I'm your mommy.
You're my baby, I'm your mommy.
Oh, crap.
Mom! We forgot about Mom! Damn it, Tina and your stupid English cottage! - Easy there, puppy-hag.
- Puzzle-putz.
Ladies, please! You both really messed up tonight.
This thing is great.
I just plug it into my phone, and you can pay with your credit card! - Oh crap! - The swiper! God, e-commerce has come so far.
What? You were thinking it.
- Oh, yes! - We waited too long.
(sighs) Yeah.
Aunt Gayle is no good to us now.
It's up to us to get Mom out of here.
There's no time to lose.
She's gonna swipe any second.
- Front to back, I hope.
- ANGIE: Oh, hey, kids.
What are you doing out here? Oh.
Hey.
Uh, poor Ringo threw up all over the place.
Uh, right, guys? - Ah, yeah, so much.
- It's ugly.
Oh, no.
Sorry.
We're trying a new puppy food.
It's made from wasps.
Are you just saying that so I won't want to try it? - Ah! (sniffs) - Mom, we got to get out of here.
Why does everyone keep saying that? You're falling under Angie's spell, like you fell under Monica's spell in high school! What? No, this is nothing like Monica.
Monica used to make me hold her cigarette whenever a teacher would walk by.
Angie's nice.
She likes nice smells.
Has she asked you to start selling the oil? Well, yeah, because she thinks I can.
- I didn't see any throw-up in there.
- Maybe Ronnie cleaned it up? - Or Ringo ate it? - Or Ronnie ate it.
In any case, we, uh all have to get going.
- No! We're not going yet.
-(Gayle sniffing) You guys go back to the kids' room until we're done in here.
- But - No buts! - But, uh - I'll tell you what.
Go back in, and I'll put this diffuser in there with you.
- Kids love diffusers.
Right? - It's all we ever talk about.
(muttering): Va-Va-Va-Va, Va-Va-Va-Va.
Ugh! So what do you think? Anything look weird to you guys? - Like, weird how? - Mm.
You know what I mean.
Do I look okay? Yeah, you look you look great.
Uh, so should we go? Uh, turn around, Mr.
Huggins.
Let's get a look at the back.
- Wow.
- (gasps) What? What? My tattoo? There's a tattoo under there? LOUISE: Throw us back in here with the adorable Ringo to distract me? It's not gonna work, Angie! -(barking) - Not now, my sweet boy.
On a positive note, over here in puzzle-town, I have drawn replacement pieces with these markers and sticky notes, (sing-songy): and we're about to move into an English cottage.
Ronnie, you son of a bitch, if I was just five years younger.
Oh I don't get it.
Wait.
Markers.
Yeah.
They're like pens, but Well, just try one and see.
-(buzzing) - My side's going pretty well.
How are you doing over there, Bobby? I'm getting a lot of hair in my mouth right now, so, uh Ha.
Ha, ha, ha.
Let-let let's wrap it up.
Ugh.
Just swallow it.
It won't hurt you.
Hey, what are you guys talking about back there? Nothing.
Oh, there's the tattoo.
Found it.
- What is that? - It's a yin-yang.
Who told you this was a yin-yang? The guy at the place! Is it that bad? Uh, I'll just shave some and leave some.
-(buzzing) - Then, it kind of works.
-(buzzing stops) - Oh, wait.
No, it doesn't.
Eh, it doesn't.
Uh, do you have any high boxers? Uh, sorry to interrupt again.
- Louise doesn't look so good.
- I feel okay.
I'm just a little wheezy and a little itchy.
Maybe too much oil in the air? I'm so sorry.
I've heard an allergic reaction is possible, but I've never seen it.
Guess I'm lucky, Angie.
Hmm.
Come here.
Give me that.
- Uh-oh.
- Is that marker? - You kids are in big trouble! - Come on! - We're trying to help you! - Mom, you got to listen to us! No! No, no, no! Don't start.
I'm gonna finish talking about the deluxe distributor package with Angie, and you're gonna leave with your Aunt Gayle.
Deluxe distributor package? No! Gayle, take the kids home, and give those vials back to Reggie.
- Ah - Keep 'em.
Mom, we don't want what happened to Aunt Gayle to happen to you.
- What are you talking about? - Gayle? Ugh.
-(groans) - Gayle! - Huh? - Tell her! Oh.
Right.
Linda, I tried selling oil.
I tried it.
I got in over my head! I bought the distributor package.
I couldn't sell any of it.
It's on my credit card for the rest of my life! Gayle, none of that surprises me, okay? But that's not gonna happen to me.
All of you, go home now.
(kids groaning) - Let us love you! - Aah! Aah! If you come back in here, you're grounded.
You too, Gayle.
Good-bye.
- (quietly): What do we do now? - I don't know.
Take a bat to the window? Tina, pass me your bat.
- I didn't bring a bat.
- Damn it, Tina.
Is anyone else having trouble like that? Um, uh, my sales are They're-they're pretty terrific.
I've been selling a lot, to my family, mostly.
Uh, they're very supportive.
Mine, too, but the best news is I-I may have found a new lender.
So I can buy more oils to pay for the ones I used on myself.
I'm looking forward to selling my first vial.
And sure, a-a friend of mine stopped talking to me, 'cause of the oils, but I really thought he could use some diffusers to deal with his sinuses.
He-he has bad sinuses.
Eucalyptus, right? - Right! - I'm not crazy.
He's crazy! Huh.
Nah, but maybe-maybe more to the left.
- Okay.
Okay.
- There you go.
Nailed it.
- Okay, how about that? - No, that's perfect.
- That's perfect.
- Okay.
Okay, so that lamp's on? - Yup.
- And that lamp off.
All right.
Yeah.
Both of 'em not on.
Try that.
- That's pretty dark.
- Oh, now it's dark.
Right.
Yeah.
- This is stupid.
- Okay.
okay, yeah.
- Uh that's better.
- Of course it's better! What is wrong with you guys?! When is this gonna end?! Sorry.
That was unnecessary.
It's just been a very annoying and physically painful evening.
I've taken up enough of your time.
It'll be fine.
It'll go how it goes.
(sighs) Uh, Mr.
Huggins, listen.
You're-you're a great guy, I-I think.
I like you less today, but I'm pretty sure - you're a great guy.
- That's fair enough.
So just be yourself with your new lady friend.
Tell her everything you told me and Teddy today Your favorite movies, your favorite foods But mostly, tell her that you're feeling nervous.
She'll appreciate your honesty, and it might take away the pressure you're feeling.
Wow.
Makes sense.
Thank you, Rob.
- It's Bob.
- What? Nothing.
It's fine.
You're welcome.
- And the robe is sexy.
- Thank you.
Wow.
"Be yourself.
" Wish I said that.
The guy can barely carry a mattress, but then he pulls through down the stretch with the poignant life lesson.
Ugh.
Bobby, you're good.
Ooh! I know why that happened.
I had all these extra screws, and I thought, "Wait, did I bring these, or are they from the bed?" Now I know, they are from the bed.
That's on me.
Bob, give me a hand.
Got to go.
Bye.
I'm sorry you're all struggling.
I had another great month.
I found about, I think, 15 more people who bought oil and seemed excited about selling it themselves.
- Way to go, Ange.
- Oh, my God.
- What? - You are like Monica.
Well, a new kind of Monica.
- A nice Monica.
- Who? Angie, you're young, and you're beautiful.
- You're glowing.
- She's radiant.
And that's why you succeed at this.
People are drawn to you.
It's not the oils.
It's you.
It's Angie.
You could sell ice to people in Iceland.
I did.
I lived in Iceland after college.
I sold ice to people who wanted ice.
Of course you did.
You don't even realize you're kind of using people.
- I am? - Kind of.
To you, this stuff sells itself, but when you sell it to other people to sell, it's it's a weight around their neck.
A big oily weight that no one wants to buy.
Sorry, Ange, but it's kind of true.
People like us see people like you, and it's like, "What's your secret?" - Yeah.
Who-who doesn't want to feel pretty? - Yeah.
But there's no secret.
You're in your thirties, and you don't have three kids, and-and you have this rug.
- Oh, I love this rug.
- It's a great rug.
And I wanted to feel like how I imagine you feel.
I-I wanted it so bad that I would have spent real money, even though my family was trying to stop me, and and now they're outside the window, listening in the bushes.
We actually can't hear much, but we get the gist.
Mommy sees you.
You can come back inside.
I don't know what to say.
I guess I never thought of it that way.
And that's okay, Angie.
You don't have to think of it that way.
Look at you.
Enjoy it while you got it.
I did.
But now I got this, and it's even better.
Yeah, take a look at what you could have, honey.
I get your point, Linda, and you know you don't have to pay up front for the distributor package.
There's an installment plan, and Ange, it's not gonna happen.
- I'm listening.
- Gayle, no! Okay, okay.
Thanks for coming to rescue me, guys, and Gayle, you were right.
She's a Monica in Angie clothing.
I tried to tell you.
(laughing): You really embarrassed yourself in there.
Aunt Gayle, you still have those vials in your nose.
- Tina, shh.
Shh, shh, shh.
- Sorry.
(whispering): Gene, I took Ringo.
(whispering): Nice.
No one will ever catch on.
(barking) - Louise, did you take the dog? - No.
(quietly): Quiet, quiet, quiet.
We're taking him back.
Let me see him.
Who's a baby? Ah, we'll take him back in an hour.
LINDA: Hey, Ange! GENE: That-that-that, that is fun LINDA: Hey, An-An-An Hey, Ange! GENE: That-that-that-that, that-that that is fun LINDA: Hey, An-An hey, An-An, hey, An GENE: That is fun LINDA: Hey, Ange! GENE: That-that-that That that is fun.