South Park s09e11 Episode Script

Pluto is also the furthest planet from the sun, though scientists believe more planets lie beyond it.
I hope you enjoyed my report on the Solar System.
Thank you.
Okay, very nice, Token.
Thank you.
'K kids, looks like we only have time for one more speech today, so let's have ah Eric.
Thank you, Mrs.
Garrison.
My speech is entitled "Ginger Kids: Children with red hair, light skin, and freckles.
" We've all seen them - on the playground, at the store, walking on the streets - they creep us out and make us feel sick to our stomachs.
I'm talking of course about ginger kids.
Aww sick! Gross! Ginger kids are born with a disease which causes very light skin, red hair, and freckles.
Aw, nasty! Yuck! This disease is called Gingervitus, and it occurs because ginger kids have no souls.
What ? Kids who have gingervitus cannot be cured Ah sick! Gross! Yeck.
Because their skin is so light, ginger kids must avoid the sun.
Not unlike vampires.
That's not true, fatass! I have red hair, and I don't have to avoid the sun! I was getting to that, if you will let me.
Some people have red hair, but not light skin and freckles.
These people are called "daywalkers.
" Ho! Daywalkers! This is all a bunch of crap! Mrs.
Garrison, I'm really havin' a difficult time with all these interruptions Kyle, let Eric give his presentation.
It's not a presentation, it's a hate speech! People aren't creeped out by gingers! I am.
Kyle, if you wanna debate Eric, you can do so with your paper tomorrow! Fine, I will.
Fine! In the meantime, shut your Goddamned daywalker mouth! Let's see, where was I? Oh yes! Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse, and unless we work to rid the earth of that curse, the gingers could envelop our lives in blackness for all time.
It is time that we all admit to ourselves that gingers are vile and disgusting.
In conclusion, I will leave you with this: if you think that the ginger problem is not a serious one, think again.
Stupid supremist asswipe! Dude, what's the big deal? What's the big deal?? Don't you understand what ignorant prejudice like that can lead to? I have to disprove Cartman's hateful rumors! Do you know any red-haired, freckled kids? What about the Foley family? I think they're all ginger.
Hello? Hey.
Wuh I'm giving a speech tomorrow about people with red hair and freckles.
Can I ask you a few questions? Sure.
Come on in.
Mom, Dad, these boys wanna know about us.
What? Heh, hello there, kids.
We came to learn the facts about people with red hair, light skin and freckles.
Oho, gingers, yes.
Our cute little red-haired rascals.
I'm sorry, but I don't understand.
You both have dark hair and brown eyes.
Yes, we've learned that the ginger gene is recessive in both our families' DNA.
Actually, the odds of us having a red-haired freckled child were only one in four.
And still it happened.
Three times.
What are the odds? A lot of people carry the ginger gene and don't know.
If your spouse is also a carrier, then your children can turn out like them.
Each one of them's a blessing.
Oh yes, each one of them's a blessing.
Huh Blesse-blessing full of love.
Thanks, Mom and Dad.
But it's it's not true they have no souls.
No no, I'm sure they do.
Well it was nice meeting you boys.
We've gotta get dinner started.
I just had a couple more questions about- Look, boys, if you really don't wanna have ginger kids, marry an Asian woman.
Asians don't carry the recessive gene.
I know a guy who's marrying a Japanese woman very soon for just that reason.
And so, red hair, light skin, and freckles are all passed down genetically.
A child's red hair is not determined by the lack of a soul, but by the melanins which control the pigment in all of our skins.
Thank you.
Okay, very nice, Kyle.
A little dry and sciency for my taste, but there you go.
All right, that's lunch, kids.
We'll pick up with Clyde's speech about lesbian cheerleaders after recess.
That was a very informative speech, Kyle.
Thanks Butters Informative if you want to die.
Guys, don't forget.
Kyle is a daywalker.
Daywalkers are half-gingers themselves.
Make no mistake: ginger kids are evil.
You know who was ginger? Judas.
And what did Judas do? Oh, he just got Jesus killed, that's all.
Look, I'm just saying what everyone else already thinks: Gingers are creepy.
And one night, when you're all sleepin' in your room, the gingers are gonna getcha.
They're gonna GETCHA! You buying school lunch today? Nah, my mom packed me a kosher lunch.
Right this way! You can't eat in the cafeteria How come ? Ginger kids eat in the hallway! Yeah.
Go on, beat it, re rr-retard! There! You see?! This is what happens when Cartman is allowed his right to free speech! That's just wrong, dude.
I wish Cartman could see what it felt like to be ginger.
Hey.
That's a great idea! Can you guys meet me over at Cartman's house tonight at around midnight? Sure, for what? We're gonna teach that fat bastard a lesson! Okay dude, knock him out Dude, dude okay, he's out! Kyle, that's good! All right, let's do it.
Eric honey, time to get up for school.
Poopsiekins! Sweetie, what is the- I'M GINGER! Oh my God! Eric! Help me! Hellp mee! Well, all his vital signs are still normal.
>From his outward appearance, I would say he has the standard skin pigment deficiency.
You mean Yes, I'm afraid that your son is suffering from gingervitus.
And how could I become a ginger now?! I wasn't born like this! Well, the red-haired and freckle gene is a recessive gene.
It must've stayed dormant in your system until you hit adolescence.
So I'm gonna stay like this forever? I'm sorry, son.
Ms.
Cartman, could I have a word with you? Ms.
Cartman, I know this must be very difficult for you.
I for one can't stand red-haired, freckled kids, but you need to understand, there is no cure.
Your son will be ginger his whole life.
You might want to just put him down.
Agh, excuse me, Doctor, but it just so happens my mom loves me, no matter what I look like! Right mom ? Mom?! Oh ye-yes, of course,sweetie.
All right, but you're gonna have to take certain precautions now.
It's very important that you keep Eric out of the sun.
The sun is his worst enemy Hey dudes, what's goin' on? How is everything with you guys? Wow, Cartman.
You look different.
Yes, well, it's interesting you should point that out, Kyle.
I went to the doctor yesterday, and apparently I suffer from a small skin pigment deficiency.
You mean,you're a ginger? Actually, gingervitus is the medical term.
Is that an umbrella you're using? Yes, Kyle The sun's rays are bad for my skin, so I need to be protected when I'm outside.
Well, I'm glad we've gotten all that out of the way, and now we can just go on with our lives as normal.
Wow, that's a little ironic, isn't it? What do you mean, Kyle? Well, I mean, all last week you were ripping on ginger kids and now you are one.
Hm.
I don't really see the irony in that, Kyle.
That's fine, get it out of the way Dude, this is going awesome.
Maybe he'll actually learn a lesson this time.
What are you doing? I'm grubbin'.
What's it look like? You're not supposed to be in the cafeteria.
Huh? You know the rule.
No ginger kids in the cafeteria.
But it's me.
Right.
And you're a ginger Dude, check it out Guys! Okay, look, maybe I'm ginger, but I'm not like other ginger kids.
I'm still me inside.
Sorry.
If we let one ginger kid in here, then the others are gonna start coming.
Yeah, beat it, j jackass.
We did it guys.
We finally taught Cartman a lesson.
I'll bet that now, Cartman is gonna have a long hard think about how he treated gingers.
I want to thank everyone for showing up today.
I've called this meeting because, I don't know about you, but for one am sick and tired of being discriminated against! Just because we have red hair, light skin and freckles, we're thought of as somehow less important, and it's bullcrap! Yeah ! Kids at school laugh at us, doctors call us "genetically inferior.
" The world needs to know that we are people, with feelings! And our parents love us for who we are! My dad says that each one of my freckles is a kiss from an angel.
Riiight, exactly! We can't let this go on any longer! We should be PROUD of who we are! Think about al l the great people in history who were ginger.
People like Ron Howard? Right! Ron Howard! And uh Aaaaand Ron Howard? Right! We already had him, but right! See? Ginger people go on to do amazing things in society! We need to let everyone in this school know that we are not inferior! That we are in fact beautiful, totally awesome, and super-smart.
It's time for us to take back our pride! Yeah ! Red Power! We gingers are proud people! We are the noble descendants of great Americans like Ron Howard, and others! We will not be discriminated against any longer, for we are a great race! Yeah ! Red Power! I don't believe it.
Should we tell him the truth? Nah, let him make a complete ass out of himself for a little while longer.
Red power ! Better red than dead! Tom, I'm standing outside the Denver Center For The Performing Arts, where the new production of "Annie" has just premiered to cries of outrage.
A rapidly-growing organization called The Ginger Separatist Movement is furious that the lead role of Annie is being played by a girl who isn't actually red-haired and freckled.
Joining me now is the gingers' head spokesperson, Eric Cartman.
That's right! This is bullcrap! We True Gingers are furious that the role of Annie is being minimalized! What harm do you believe this actress is doing to the true red-haired community? The bitch isn't ginger! She's just using makeup to look ginger! And pretending to be ginger with makeup is the worst thing anybody can do! Yeah! That's right! There she is! Get her! Die, you stupid bitch! This is getting pretty ugly, Tom.
These gingers are really riled up! If you are a ginger and would like to join The Ginger Separatist Movement, you can attend their first meeting this Friday in the Sunset Room at the Airport Hilton.
Okay, welcome, everyone.
It's so great to see such a wonderful turnout at the first All-Ginger Pride Conference! Now it is my honor to introduce the man who has brought self-respect to gingers, Eric Cartman! Thanks Jody! Gingers, how are we feeln'? Can I get a Red Power? Red Power! Oh yeah! That feels good, doesn't it? Feels good to be proud of who you are! Now I don't think I need to tell you there's a lot of hate out there.
Hate for awesome people like us.
And if there's one thing I've learned, is that the only way to fight hate, is with more hate! We are not the freaks of society, everyone else is! Yeah !!! Gingers are the chosen people! The chosen race! And we must view the rest of the world as the lowlife, dark-skinned rats that they are! Hello there! Gary Nelson with Hilton Guest Relations.
Just making sure you guys have everything you need.
We're fine, thanks.
Need any buffet items restocked? Everyone okay on coffee? We're fine! Great.
Oh, and hey guys, just wanted to say thanks for choosing the Airport Hilton for your conference.
You're welcome!! Now leave us alone!! My fellow gingers! I envision a world in which there IS no hate! A world where everyone is ginger! And so, we must gather together every child who is NOT ginger, and exterminate them! Huh ? Exterminate ? Now go! Go out into the night and take non-ginger kids from their homes! We will eradicate them all with cages and tortures and a pit of lava to thrown them all in! Now I am not gonna live my life as a Goddamned minority! Are you with me?! Dude, we're gonna go sneak into Cartman's and change him back into a non-ginger! Huh? Why? Because now he's acting like gingers are awesome.
And all his friends are gingers.
When he wakes up tomorrow and realizes he isn't really ginger, it'll be hysterical! Are you in? totally You know, Cartman is an uncaring, bigoted intolerant asshole, but I have to admit, I had my own prejudice about gingers.
I think we all need to realize that everyone is different in one way or another, and we shouldn't be threatened by those differences I mean, Cartman had me kind of creeped out that gingers were gonna come get me in the night.
Oh hey there.
You guys need anything? Let's just let's just walk this way.
More ginger kids.
Um, meh-maybe we should just go home.
Yeah, good idea.
The hell do they want?? Kenny ! Run dude, run ! Uh Gi ginger kids! AAAAAH! Clyde? What is it, honey?? Ginger kids! Nooo! Laaa la, laaa lala.
What is it?? It's a little ginger girl.
Shut the door! Laaa la, laaa lala, laaa la.
In there! Let's go! Get this jamb on the door! Kyle.
Kyle, wake up.
Huh.
Whaaa? Where are we ? I think we're at the Sunset Room at the Airport Hilton.
My fellow gingers! The day of reckoning is finally upon us! Cartman ? Oh Jesus, I should have known! What we begin here, we will take worldwide, until the blood of every non-ginger child has been spilled! You guys got everything you need in here? Need more coffee, buffet items? No, we're fine! Thank you! How about lava? You got enough lava? Yes! We're good! Okay.
Hey, thanks for choosin' the Airport Hilton, guys.
You're welcome, now leave us alone!! Now! Let the extermination begin! We will start with the daywalker! Daywalker ! Throw him in ! Cartman! I need to tell you something! Go on then! Say your last words! Aah I think you'd rather hear this in private! Okay fine, let him speak! Then we kill every non-ginger here! You you what? Come on, let's fulfill the plan! All non-gingers must die! Right, the plan.
Um Oh.
Oh, my God, you guys! Uh, I just realized something.
We shouldn't be doing this.
Ah I mean, look at us.
What have we become? Huh? What? D-don't you see? If we go and exterminate everyone who isn't ginger, then we're no better than they were for thinking less of us.
Maybe we all have to learn to live together.
But you just said everyone who isn't ginger must die.
Right, but but I've learned that we can't judge people based on what they look like.
But you just said they should all die fifteen seconds ago.
See I know, I know, but I I get it now.
We we've got to live and let live.
What did that kid in the green hat tell you? Huh ? That kid right there.
What did he just tell you? Ss.
Who? Oh him? Oh.
No, that was just Tha-that was about something else, totally unrelated.
You wanted to kill everyone who wasn't ginger, then that kid in the green hat told you something, and now you don't wanna do it all of a sudden.
What did he tell you? No, he was just telling me about something funny that happened at school yesterday.
Um, oh, but anyway, ohhh! Oh wow, I can't believe how great it feels to finally love my fellow man, huh? Isn't this great you guys? We sure have been through a lot! But in the end, we all learned it's best to get along.
Hand in hand, we can live together.
Ginger or not, we're all the same.
Black or white, brown or red, we shouldn't kill each other, 'cause it's lame.
Come on, guys! Hand in hand, we can live together.
Ginger or not, it's all the same.
That's it! You've got it! Black or white, brown or red, we shouldn't kill each other, 'cause dying's lame Hand in hand, we can live together.
Live together! We shouldn't kill each other 'cause we're all the same.
You are such a manipulative asshole, Cartman Yes, but I'm not going to die.
That's why we gotta get along, people! Hand in hand, we can live together.
We shouldn't kill each other 'cause we're all the same.
Transcript : spscriptorium