The Middle s09e12 Episode Script

1 FRANKIE: There's a lot of firsts in people's lives first tooth, first birthday, first steps, first day of school, and first day of a real job.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS.]
Whaaaaat are you doing? I knew you wouldn't let me take your picture in the morning, so I thought I'd do it now.
Oh, and since you're up, will you hold this sign? - [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS.]
- Ow! Stop! You're gonna wake Brick up.
His dream world is all he's got.
No, Brick fell asleep on the couch again.
Your dad had on basketball.
Knocked him right out.
So, I know you're, like, a sales rep for a plumbing company, but do you drive around and sell plumbing stuff, or do you have to call people? It helps me to brag about your new job if I know what it is.
I don't know.
I know I'm training with some guy named Dwayne for a couple weeks.
He's gonna show me the ropes.
Aww! Look at you all grown up! [CHUCKLES.]
Hey, you want me to rub your back like when you were little? No! Actually, okay.
Oh, ho, ho, ho.
So, we never had a chance to talk about the New Year's Eve party.
I know you were at your Grandpa's, but let's just say things happened.
Look, lot of weird stuff went down on New Year's.
I don't get it.
I'll never get it.
I don't want to get it.
Staying out of it.
Okay, okay.
Hey, you want me to make you a lunch for tomorrow? Mom, like I told you the first day of first grade, get out of my room.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh.
PB&J! Crust on, no note.
Well, it's my first day.
Maybe a note.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS.]
Twist right.
[GRUNTS.]
So, Sean never called or texted or anything since New Year's Eve? No.
And why would he? I mean, the last thing he saw was me kissing Aidan.
[SIGHS.]
I don't know.
Maybe Hecks and Donahues just aren't meant to be together.
Hey, at least you got kissed on New Year's.
That's one more kiss than I got, if you don't count the old lady who thought I was Clay Aiken.
Oh.
"BTdubs," Aidan's nothing to sneeze at.
- He's really cute.
Twist left.
- Yeah.
No, no, no, he's totally cute, and we have fun together.
But, you know, Sean's kiss was like, "Ahh!" And Aidan's kiss is like, "Eh.
" Listen to me, you are 10 years too young to settle for "eh.
" Until things start sagging, you hold out for "ah.
" [SIGHS.]
You're right, you're right.
I know.
If I'm not feeling it with Aidan, I should end things now.
[SIGHS.]
It's not fair to string him along.
- Mm.
- [GROANS.]
It's just you know how terrible I am at breaking up with people.
I mean, look at me with Jeremy.
- Mm.
- And this is what's sad the guys that want me, I don't want, and the guy I want disappears after kissing me.
Well, no one's gonna kiss you with that little pity-party you're throwing yourself.
So lace up your big-girl breakup boots and get 'er done.
Right.
AXL: We just walked out with the account, and all because I noticed the owner was a Cub fan.
Dwayne was blown away.
Man, that's great.
On the first day.
I can't believe it! What? Can't believe what? And then he says he doesn't think I'm gonna even need the whole two weeks of training.
Says I could be flying solo by Thursday.
That's my boy.
So, tell me all about it.
Start at the beginning.
Uch.
I am fried.
I just told Dad the whole story.
- He'll tell you.
- No, he won't.
Probably not.
Just tell me what Dwayne said.
Look it's all good, all right? I'm gonna crash.
Thanks for the advice, Dad.
More where that came from.
Yeah, I'm here if you need me.
I-I'm in sales, too.
Today I sold some guy teeth whitening that he didn't need.
Oh, once, I accidentally sold a c [DOOR SLAMS.]
Tell him later.
[UPBEAT POP-ROCK MUSIC PLAYS.]
Thank you! [TEPID APPLAUSE.]
Thank you.
Your smattering of applause if why we do it.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hey, come on, guys.
- Oh! - [GASPS.]
- [FEEDBACK.]
- Oh.
[SIGHS.]
Uch.
Brad, my stomach is all fluttery and not the good kind like when you realize you're the only one on the ballot - for Youth Group Treasurer.
- Mm.
Maybe this isn't the right time to break up with him.
Or maybe it's the perfect time.
Maybe he just hit his head so hard he won't remember he likes you.
- Ohh.
- AIDAN: Hey, guys.
Sue, you remember Luke? Brad, this is our drummer.
Well, the sticks probably gave it away.
[CHUCKLES.]
Luke, this is Brad.
How's it going? Good.
Really good.
Well, we played three whole hours, so let's go cash in our drink coupon.
- Be right back.
- Okay.
Bye.
[CHUCKLES.]
- [INHALES SHARPLY.]
- You can't break up with him.
Mm? What? Brad, you were the one who told me to break it off with Aidan.
Now you're telling me I can't? Um, hello? Did you not see his friend? 'Cause I did.
He is adorable.
Come on, Sue.
You just have to go out with Aidan a little longer so I can get to know this Luke guy a little better.
No, Brad, I couldn't do that to Aidan.
[SCOFFS.]
Just wouldn't be right.
Please? You owe me.
Oh, I can't believe there's a hot gay drummer in Aidan's band.
And you kept it to yourself.
Oh, well, I don't know.
I didn't want to be that kind of person who was like, "You're gay, he's gay, therefore I should set you up.
" Why not? Sue, Gumford is not exactly the Fire Island of Indiana.
It's slim pickings out there.
Sorry.
I didn't know the protocol.
Ah, so you're really ready to start dating? Of course I am.
It's just tough in college.
All the good gay guys are taken by girls.
- Ah, yeah.
- In New York, it was easier.
But you get outside of New York, and there's still places that wouldn't bake me a wedding cake.
That is just not right, Brad.
Everybody deserves cake.
- Thank you.
- Okay.
I'm not gonna break it off with Aidan just yet, but I feel like he's just gonna look at my face and know that something is up.
Sue, you were the Girl in the Well at Dollywood, and you audited two student-taught improv classes.
Don't let that top-notch training go to waste.
Yeah.
Okay.
- Mm! - Oh, my God! [MIKE AND AXL LAUGHING.]
Oh, there you guys are.
I was starting to get worried.
Yeah, well, Axl texted and said that he had a sales call on Route 42, and I was right there.
Yeah, and then Dad texted me back and said, "Meet me at Goobers.
It's fried fish night.
" Who's saying no to that? Well, I guess you have to get a chance to say no.
Anyway, I'm glad you guys are getting each other's texts.
I guess you missed mine where I said, "Mike, where are you? Are we getting dinner? Do you know where Axl is?" And, Axl, I texted you.
"Axl, where are you? Are we getting dinner? Do you know where your dad is?" Uh, though you probably didn't hear your phones.
Goobers is loud.
But I'm glad you guys had fun.
Yeah, we did once we got out of the parking lot.
Oh, what happened in the parking lot? - Um - Nothing.
It'd take too long to explain.
- I got time.
- Uh, no, he's right.
- You had to be there.
- Yeah, but I wasn't there.
That's why I need you to tell me.
Eh, it's an inside joke.
[SIGHS.]
They're all inside jokes to me.
Well, Luke, um, I don't know if you know this, but Brad is actually also a performer.
He is an amazing singer/dancer.
Isn't that right, Brad? Anyway, um, if I can speak for Brad which apparently I have to [LAUGHS.]
Brad has an amazing voice.
He is the star of our no-cut a cappella group.
I mean, it's no cut, but even if it were cut, he would make the cut.
[LAUGHS.]
It's like they think red pepper is so dangerous they have to make it impossible to open.
- [GASPS.]
Aah! - Oh, my God.
Oh, I'm so sorry, Sue.
No, don't touch it! Uh, if I just [CLEARS THROAT.]
keep my eye closed, I'll be fine.
[CHUCKLES.]
No, anyway Nope, not working.
- Got to get water involved.
- Go, go, go, go.
- [BREATHING SHARPLY.]
- Ohh.
Sue, I'm so sorry.
[WATER RUNNING.]
Oh, shoot.
Aidan.
We got to go.
We're gonna be late for our gig at Sig Ep.
I don't know.
I should probably stay here with Sue.
No.
No, no, no.
Uh, go.
Go, go.
You need that $5.
[DOOR OPENS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Brad, what is the matter with you?! What? You were so boring! Where is Brad? You were like the shell of Brad with no Brad inside.
Oh, I'm sorry.
When I get nervous, I shut down.
The same thing happens to me when I get around my improv coach.
He was David James Elliott's stunt double on "JAG.
" Yeah, that "JAG.
" Okay, well, I have practically lost 70% of the vision in one of my eyes, so if you're not gonna start bringing it and get this thing going with Luke, I am going to tell Aidan the truth.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Just give me a little more time.
[SIGHS.]
Have I told you you're the most amazing person and I would be lost without you? - Yeah, save it for Luke.
- Okay.
[TELEVISION PLAYS.]
And with that, they are now up by 7 points.
Hey.
Whatcha doing? 'Cause I was thinking we could finally start "The Walking Dead.
" Oh, yeah.
Sorry.
I'm already about seven episodes in with Axl.
What? I have been waiting for you.
We've been talking about watching this for months.
I know, but you and I could never figure out - how to make the thing come on.
- [SIGHS.]
And then Axl came and fiddled with it, and, next thing we know, we were watching it.
I can't believe you didn't come get me.
Well, sorry.
We didn't know where you were.
- We couldn't find you.
- [SCOFFS.]
Really? 'Cause the house is like five feet wide.
Okay, we didn't try.
But, hey, now you don't have to worry about me.
Just watch it whenever you feel like it.
[SIGHS.]
So, Mike and Axl had found each other again, and I was genuinely happy for them until I wasn't.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
I was like, "That's a really hairy armadillo, my friend.
" [CHUCKLES.]
He didn't even know what to say.
Ooh, Taco Jason's.
What'd you get me? Uh Seriously? W You weren't with us.
We didn't think.
It was really just a last-minute thing.
It's 6:30, and you didn't bother to check in.
You just went to Taco Jason's and got something for yourselves.
[MUFFLED.]
We didn't know you'd want anything.
[SIGHS.]
Okay.
Fine.
Let's just clear up any confusion.
In the future, if you are ever out somewhere getting food at dinnertime, I would like to be included.
And while we're at it, if I am ever drowning in the ocean, please pull me out.
And if you ever step over what appears to be my dead body, please take my pulse.
Want some of my burrito? No, I don't want the burrito! It's too spicy.
I like the Quesadilla Gringo, which I would have ordered if anybody had bothered to call me.
So, I was the understudy for Snoopy.
I didn't get the lead.
But then, the guy who got it got busted for stealing a can of SlimFast at the drugstore.
So he's being arraigned, and guess who got the part.
If you're gonna guess me, you'd be right.
Oh.
Oh, hey, Brad, why don't I take the cup of coffee and you take my nice relaxing cup of chamomile tea.
Ooh, I love chamomile tea! Actually, I love all teas.
Chamomile.
Chamomile.
That's a weird word, isn't it? My grandma always drinks chamomile.
[CHUCKLES.]
Do you have a grandma? I love my grandma.
- I also think she really - Look out.
- [GASPS.]
- Dude, watch it! Can you believe that? [GASPS.]
Oh, oh.
Ohh.
[GASPING.]
[MUFFLED.]
Ugh.
So, he took me to the emergency room because my nose wouldn't stop bleeding.
And then, when we were leaving, he shut the door on my hand.
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah, it's getting bad, Brad.
What's the deal with Luke? Are you making any progress? 'Cause I got to break up with Aidan before he kills me.
I'm trying.
I just get so nervous around him.
I got to find my sweet spot somewhere between total shutdown and blathering on about proper tap-shoe maintenance.
- Why didn't you stop me? - I tried! Okay, look, Brad, if you would just be yourself, I know he would love you.
Oh, I know, I know! I just can't tell if he's being nice to me 'cause I'm your friend or 'cause he's interested.
I just need a few more days to suss him out.
I may not have a few more days! We are going to a fondue restaurant tomorrow.
That is fire and pokey forks.
Ugh! You hungry? Let's go grab some dinner.
What? Hold on.
Me and you? Just the two of us? Yeah.
Where you want to go? Oh.
Um, I would love a burger.
And there's a new place Hole Lotta Burger, but they spell it H-O-L-E because there's a hole in the middle and they fill it with cheese.
Get it? The "hole" has two meanings.
I get it.
Let's go.
Let's do it.
Grab your purse.
You're paying.
Okay, just got to get out of these scrubs and put on a fresh layer of deodorant, and I'm ready.
Meet you in the car.
Hey.
Look who just got home.
Let's go! I'm starving! But, Axl, you're in my seat.
Mom, don't make a big deal.
The seat belt works better up here, and I'm young.
Let's just go.
[SIGHS.]
Fine.
Fine.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
I'm starving, too.
Just get a burger in my mouth, and I will be happy.
No! I had a burger for lunch.
I want Chinese.
He had a burger for lunch.
Wait a minute.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I thought we agreed on burgers? You lost the popular vote, Mom, two to one.
Get over it.
I'm sorry.
Was I talking to you? No, I was talking to my husband.
Are you my husband? [WHISPERING LOUDLY.]
Mike, I thought it was gonna be me and you and burgers.
He's the one horning in here.
Yeah, Frankie, he lost an account today.
- He feels bad.
- Well, how would I know that? I Nobody ever tells me anything.
You guys come home from work and get in your little clubhouse, and I'm invisible.
Dad says he wants Chinese.
Yeah, oh, did he? Did you say that, Mike? 'Cause five minutes ago, you couldn't wait to try the new burger place.
But all of a sudden, your little backup singer says you'd rather have Chinese so Oh, my God! There she goes again! The great ruiner, ruining everything fun in her path.
Mom, Dad and I have had tough days.
We want egg rolls.
Just let it happen! [SIGHS.]
Hey, Axl.
Come on.
What if we got you an order of those dumplings you like? I don't want dumplings! I want a burger! That's why I am going to Hole Lotta Burger not because the name is clever and makes me laugh, but because that was the plan.
You stick with the plan! - Frankie - No, I've had it.
I don't need you guys.
I don't need any of this.
Have fun on your date.
[SIGHS.]
Hey! Look who's here! It's Brick.
See? I've got Brick, and we're very close.
- Hey, buddy! - [CHUCKLES.]
So while you and Axl are "bro-ing" around out there, Brick and I will be out, too, having fun and making our own inside jokes.
He's my backup singer, and we're gonna go out to dinner and have ice cream Uh, I have a lot of homework.
[SIGHS.]
So you guys go and do whatever you want.
And while you're slurping your Don's Oriental noodles like "Lady and the Tramp," just know that Brick and I will be at the new burger place, enjoying a "Down the Rabbit Hole.
" I don't even know what that is, but I'm very excited to find out! I'd rather have Chinese.
Brick.
- All right! - [APPLAUSE.]
Okay, Brad.
I am only just now starting to get vision back in my eye, and I would like to keep it, so you better ask Luke out tonight.
I know.
I got this.
The problem before was I hadn't rehearsed, didn't give myself business, some kind of space work.
So I'm gonna casually suggest a game of pool.
Then I'll joke that, if I make the next shot, - Luke has to go out with me.
- Oho! That's good.
And you're sure you can make the shot? Oh, yeah.
I'm a pool shark.
That's the one thing my dad and I do together that and awkward silences.
Hey, babe.
[CHUCKLES.]
Or Sue.
[CHUCKLES.]
I also go by just Sue.
I mean, I answer to both, but, uh, I answer to "Sue" more.
Right.
Oh, look! A pool table.
How about, uh, me and Sue against oh, right, you and Aidan? Cool.
I'll break.
[GASPS.]
Oh! - Oh.
- Oh, my God.
S-Sue, I-I really didn't - Ohh! - Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry.
H-Help! Can I get some help here? Aah! [PANTING.]
Oh.
Mom, I'm tired.
We've been driving around for an hour.
Can we just go home? No.
Then are we going to get ice cream? You said something about ice cream.
No, I just said that to make your dad and Axl feel like they're missing something.
I don't think that's going to happen.
I'm pretty low on the totem pole.
- [SIGHS.]
- So then what are we doing? I don't know, Brick.
All I know is we have to have fun, lots and lots of fun, and then rub their noses in it.
Come on, there's got to be something that you can share with me that we can bond over, you know, like an anecdote or a secret that you wouldn't tell anybody else preferably something we can be laughing about when we walk back through that door.
I got a B-plus on my geometry test.
[SIGHS.]
Yawn.
Come on, "wow" me, Brick.
- I was reading a book about - Don't even.
Am I being kidnapped and used as a pawn? 'Cause I'm really confused about what's happening here.
[SIGHS.]
I'm sorry, Brick.
[SIGHS.]
It's just that your dad and Axl are like two little peas in a pod, and, well, I don't know.
Lately, I've just been feeling like there's no room for me in that pod, like I'm out.
You know, I'm I'm invisible to the family.
Oh.
I know.
No, no, no.
This is different.
Is it? They didn't bring me food from Taco Jason's either.
But I sucked it up, had a bowl of mayonnaise, and went to bed.
Mom, can I give you some advice? As a person who's been shoved aside and ignored most of his life, I realized it's important not to dwell on the negative.
If I let stuff get me down, like having only one friend or everybody missing all my birthdays or having no one show up to my parent-teacher conferences or everybody rolling their eye Okay, I got it, Brick.
I don't take it personally.
The truth is, if you go through life expecting other people to make things good for you, you're gonna be disappointed.
And the only person you can depend on is yourself.
And I guess I'm lucky 'cause I like myself.
So whenever I'm with myself, I'm happy.
I've never once let myself down.
[SIGHS.]
I have.
All right.
Well, that's something to work on.
Now, let's say we go get you that burger.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Oh, my God.
Sue, how are you? Or more importantly, how am I? Thanks for asking.
I'm great.
- Oh, really? - Oh, better than great.
After we carried you to the car, the crisis had sort of bonded us.
So I asked Luke if he wanted to grab a drink, and he said yes.
- Ooh! - Ha! So we went down the street to Eskimo Joe's, and we talked for hours.
[GASPS.]
Oh, my God! Brad! Oh, that is so great.
Oh, I'm so happy for you.
Luke seems like a really nice guy.
Oh, he is.
And I was able to be myself and everything.
So, anyway, you are finally free to cut Aidan loose.
Actually, I'm not so sure about that.
Wait.
What? Yeah, I don't know.
He kissed me tonight, and I have to say, it wasn't so much "eh.
" It was more like "ahh.
" And that's not the head injury talking? No, no, the thing is, I realized Aidan is just like me.
He tries really hard like me.
He's klutzy like me.
- Mm.
- Maybe this is like one of those romantic-comedy movies when I am pining away after the unobtainable guy when the perfect guy is right under my nose the whole time.
[SIGHS.]
I-I feel like I should give Aidan a chance.
Wow.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm dating Luke, you're dating Aidan.
This is the beginning of "Bruke" and "Saidan.
" Ooh.
[GASPS.]
That's too much like Satan.
I'll work on it.
"Aidue.
" Oh.
Ooh.
That's good.
Ahh! Mmm! Okay.
That was pretty good, but I still want to try the holey burger place.
Yeah.
Maybe, next time, we don't drive around so long that when we get there it's closed.
Mm.
Oh, yeah, right over here.
What's this? I got you a little something.
You got me a piece of birthday cake? No, I got you seven [CHUCKLES.]
one for every birthday I've missed.
Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you Happy birthday, dear Brick Happy birthday to you [APPLAUSE, LAUGHTER.]
[BLOWING.]
You know, Brick, I may have blown some birthdays, but you're never ignored in my heart.
I know.
All right.
Do I have to have the carrot cake? I'm not a fan.
No.
We'll just eat the frosting off it and take it home to your dad and Axl.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
- Ooh.
I want - Let's see.
- Try that one? - Yes.
- I'll try this one.
- All right.
It's colorful.
Axl, come on! Let's go! Game starts in 15 minutes.
Sorry, Dad.
Lexie just called, and she's back from Colorado.
See ya! [TELEVISION PLAYING.]
Here.
- Okay.
- [SIGHS.]
This is "Outlander.
" I'm pretty deep into it, but I think you can catch up.
That's Claire, and she's a World War II nurse who magically falls through stones into 1770-something England.
How can she fall through stones? They're not porous.
Some women do a fairy dance, and it just happens.
Just watch it.
You'll like it.
There's battle scenes, and men fight with swords.
You know, it's silly to get jealous of people in your family.
So they love each other more one week.
You know, the next week, they're just gonna do something to piss each other off.
But the point is, I played it cool, and now I have my husband back.
Do you have to sit so close? There's a whole big couch here.