The Middle s09e14 Episode Script
Guess Who's Coming to Frozen Dinner
1 Oh, ho ho! In your face, poor people.
Daddy just got paid.
And by "Daddy," I mean me, not the tall, beaten-down-looking guy in the flannel shirt.
Mm.
Well, good for you.
50 more years, and you can quit.
[CLICKS TONGUE.]
So, Dad, what did you get with your first paycheck? Well, I bought this belt.
Since you've already got a belt, do the responsible thing and put that in the bank.
Right, Frankie? Absolutely.
Okay, don't listen to him.
Listen to me.
You know how people say life is too short? Well, it's not.
It's too long, and there's no fun in it.
So, before you get sucked in to its black hole, take some of that money and buy yourself something nice.
It'll be our little secret.
Uh, I'm in the room.
Sweet! Just between you and I.
When I get my first paycheck, I'm gonna pay people to notice me! - [SIGHS.]
- What are you doing home? Well, it's my winter break.
Ah, yes.
You must be exhausted after those two weeks of school you had after your Christmas break.
Ugh, I know, right? I really am.
Even my sarcasm goes unnoticed.
Did you say something? I'm beginning to feel like a literary character I've recently discovered.
You see, there's this boy with a very round head, and he has a dog that sleeps on top of his doghouse.
Apparently, he was a World War I fighter pilot.
If you can suspend disbelief, it all works.
You're talking about Charlie Brown.
Then you've heard of it! Everyone has.
Great.
So I'm the last to know.
Will the indignities never end? Axl's getting paychecks, you're on a nonstop vacation.
Why is it never my turn? What does the universe have against me? [GLASS SHATTERS.]
It's okay, Brick! We can put up another picture of you.
[SIGHS.]
There is no other picture of me.
Mm.
Hey.
Lexie gave me her Netflix login.
You wanna watch a movie tonight? Unlike you, who's always on vacation, I have homework to do.
I'll watch a movie with you.
Oh.
Great.
If you're looking for a pop, I just grabbed the last one.
Good grief! [DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE.]
Okay, I got it down to "Undercover Justice: Special Ops," or something about a guy and a girl in a cheese shop.
I vote for "Undercover Justice.
" Me, too.
Chris Pine is in it.
- He is so cute! - Mm-hmm.
And I hear he never drinks out of plastic bottles.
[ ADVENTURE MOVIE-STYLE MUSIC PLAYS.]
[ GUNFIRE.]
MAN: [ GRUNTS, PANTS.]
Doesn't look like we're gonna make it out of this.
WOMAN: [ OUOF BREATH.]
No, it doesn't.
Hey.
Are you crying, Sergeant? [ TEARFUL.]
I'm not just a sergeant.
I'm a woman.
I've noticed.
[ SULTRY MUSIC PLAYS.]
[ KISSING AND MOANING.]
Oh! Right there! Oh, my God.
Uh-huh! [ MOANING.]
How was the movie with Sue? Did you stay awake through the whole thing? Oh, I stayed awake all right.
Oh! What does that mean? Well, I saw a little bit more of Chris Pine than I bargained for.
Oh, really? Was there a sex scene? Oh, sheesh.
Ask me what wasn't a sex scene.
It'll take less time.
It was uncomfortable, Frankie.
I didn't appreciate watching that with my daughter.
Well, why'd you pick that movie? It was called "Undercover Justice: Special Ops.
" I assumed it was a war movie.
And by the way, they weren't under the covers, not even once.
Well, shake it off.
It was one awkward night.
Well, it wasn't the movie.
It was I was just trying to spend a little time with Sue.
Why? That's not like you.
Yeah, well She wanted someone to watch with, and lately it seems like she just doesn't hang out with me as much.
Are you sad? Are you feeling feelings of sadness? Aww! This is why I don't tell you stuff.
No, no, no.
I like it when you talk to me.
I won't think you're cute.
I promise.
Go on.
Well, just lately she [CLICKS TONGUE.]
doesn't return my texts half the time.
She hasn't made me a scrapbook in years.
Mm-hmm.
If you hug me, I'm not talking to you anymore.
Okay.
Listen.
You had it really easy with her when she was little.
She would follow you around, clean the gutters with you just to be with you.
She's grown up now, and she's got other stuff going on, so you just have to find new ways to connect with her.
[SIGHS.]
Well, I've tried making conversation, but it's like driving.
If I don't think about it, I'm fine, but as soon as I think about it, I can't stay in my own lane.
I'm swerving.
I never used to have to think about it with her, and now I do, and I'm all over the road.
Aww.
You'll find it.
You'll see.
In the meantime, how 'bout a little "Undercover Justice" before work? - Hmm? - No.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm kidding.
I have my hard-to-button pants on.
I'm not doing those up again.
[RUMBLING, GLASSES SHAKING.]
[RUMBLING INTENSIFIES.]
[RUMBLING STOPS.]
Huh? You likey? What is this?! Told me to take my first paycheck and treat myself.
I meant like a milkshake! Relax! I had that, too.
Wh How could you do this? Do what? Oh, you're right.
I'm sorry.
I'm not being clear.
This! This! This! It was your idea! Remember you said it'd be our little secret.
You gotta take this back.
I can't.
It was final sale.
Oh, my God.
Your dad was right.
I was an idiot to think that you could be trusted with your own money! Mom, I know what I'm doing, all right? I just gave this whole speech to Lexie about how we have to not spend so much.
You're a man now, Axl.
What, are you gonna live here forever? You're gonna get married, have kids, and you're all just gonna live in this room? "Hey, Daddy, who's the small man whispering in the corner?" "Oh, that's your Uncle Brick.
He lives here, too.
" Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! What am I gonna do?! I'm doomed! This is all your fault! You gave me bad advice.
You gave me your bad money-management gene.
- What?! - Yeah! You can't balance a checkbook.
You leave your wallet in the freezer! That's menopause! [SIGHS.]
Okay.
Pointing fingers isn't gonna solve anything.
I mean, you're right.
The truth is I have never been good with money either.
Maybe this whole TV thing is a-a wake-up call.
Maybe we can learn to be financially responsible together, right? Keep an eye on each other, like checks and balances.
That's a thing, right? I think so.
I thought you were a business major! You said no pointing fingers! You're right.
We're in this together.
And what's most important is, we don't need to tell your dad about it.
[CLICKS TONGUE.]
Frankie So, Mike began his quest to connect with his child.
I'm going to school now.
Whatever.
Not that one.
You're getting to be a good little sandwich maker there.
You want some? Nope.
Unless you want me to have it.
- Okay.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Bye.
RUSTY: Ah, there you are.
Rusty? What are you doing here? Waiting six hours for you to come out.
Well, why didn't you knock on the front door? Ah, I thought you'd pick up my vibe.
Remember how we always had that special brotherly bond where we could read each other's minds? - No.
- I knew you were gonna say no.
[CHUCKLES.]
So, what are you doing back in town? Last I heard, you were in Tampa.
Yeah, see? You got that.
That's 'cause you told me.
How long you here for? Oh, I'm here to stay.
Gonna move back in with Dad.
You and me can hang out and do stuff together.
You wanna go go-karting? We're 50.
Want to go get colonoscopies? Okay, well, this is the first problem.
You can't be on the road to financial peace unless you have a place to keep all your stuff.
See, I put all my receipts and bills in one place so I know where everything is.
Ohh.
Yeah.
Okay, who's the first victim? I'll go.
Got nothing to hide.
Okay.
Why did you buy a snow cone machine? That seems pretty self-explanatory.
Your turn.
Wow.
What did you blow $2,017 on? That's the date.
Oh.
Hey, remember how I said I was tired of being ignored? No.
Was I in the room? Well, I think the universe is bestowing gifts upon me to make up for it.
Every time I open the front door, there's a new delight waiting for me.
I don't know why it's happening.
I'm just gonna enjoy it.
Ye I'm confused about this you spend so much money on groceries, but we don't eat well, like, ever.
Yeah, see, I keep buying food thinking I'm gonna cook, and then I get tired, and I just get takeout.
Oh.
Takeout's a pretty big one for me, too.
Maybe we could both cut back on that.
I can start brown bagging my lunch.
Yeah! And new rule I don't buy any new food until everything in the freezer is gone.
Sounds like we got a plan.
It does! In the meantime, let's get you organized.
Here.
Okay.
We are killing it! Ha! [SIGHS.]
All right, two of us are having waffles.
Ooh, cut the corner off that top one.
I don't like the look of that.
Oh, and that meat over there? Could be cake.
I'm only warning you because, even though cake is delicious, it's a weird sensation if you're expecting meat.
What's going on here? Oh, we're not wasting food anymore.
So we're gonna eat everything that's in the freezer.
So, Uncle Rusty, whatcha been up to lately? Oh, I was in Tampa renting out Jet Skis.
They weren't my Jet Skis, they were another guy's, so that became a problem.
But I got something better I'm working on now.
Better than stealing another guy's Jet Skis? Well, that remains to be seen.
But you guys know what bubble wrap is? Well, I'm making bubble-wrap clothes for old people because they're always falling down, breaking their old bones, but if you wrap 'em real tight with bubble wrap, they're protected.
Also, it'll get the grandkids over more because little kids love to pop bubble wrap.
[CHUCKLES.]
Like you, little boy.
Do you like to pop bubble wrap? I'm 16.
I shave.
But yes.
Which brings me to why I came today.
Okay, trust me when I tell you, Rusty, we're not in a position to give you any money.
No, I don't need any money.
I just came by to bring something special for the girl.
[GASPS.]
Oh! For me? Well, I certainly wouldn't call her a "girl.
" [LAUGHS.]
Is it for my birthday next month? Oh, sure.
Oh, thank you, but I don't smoke.
Not that I judge people who do.
That's a lie.
I judge them.
I judge them very much.
Oh, no, cigarettes will kill you.
No, I-I never touch them.
Yeah, I only smoked the 20 that were in here on the way over to make room for the gift.
Hmm.
Ooh! [GASPS.]
Ahh! Oh, my God.
Oh, it's beautiful! It look so real, like the kind of necklace you need a salesperson at Zales to open up the case to look at.
Yeah.
It is real.
Wh Oh, my God.
Look.
FRANKIE: Ooh! Oh! Rusty, it's a ruby necklace.
Rusty, that is beautiful.
[SQUEALING.]
Oh, thank you! [CHUCKLES.]
Look at that.
[SQUEALS.]
[HUMMING.]
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
[SQUEALS.]
Hey, Dad, great news.
The necklace goes with almost all my clothes.
I have a lot of stuff with hearts on it, and apples, weirdly.
Yeah.
Sue, um listen, you know Uncle Rusty's history.
I'm not sure what the deal is with that necklace.
Oh, no, no.
It is definitely real.
[GASPS.]
Look at my neck, huh? Not green at all.
Yeah, well, if it's real, that could be a bigger problem.
Could be hot.
"Hot"? Hot.
What do you mean "hot"? You don't know that "hot" means "stolen"? Well, you don't have to make me feel bad about it.
I'm not trying to make you feel Never mind.
I just need you to give me the necklace so I can give it back to Rusty.
What? No.
Okay, I'm sorry, Dad, but you always assume the worst with Uncle Rusty, and I am just not an assume-the-worst kind of person.
Did you even talk to him? You heard what he said about the Jet Skis, right? I just think you have a certain proclivity for thinking your brother is a criminal.
This was a nice moment between me and Uncle Rusty, and I'm not sure why you're trying to ruin it.
Bye.
[HANDLE BREAKS.]
Where the hell did this TV come from?! [SIGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
You're not gonna believe this.
I told Sue to give me the necklace so I can give it back to Rusty, and she said no.
What is going on with her? She's like a different person.
Why would you give the necklace back to Rusty? [SCOFFS.]
Oh, come on.
He probably grifted it off some old lady in Tampa.
That's why he's suddenly back in town.
He's on the lam.
Lamb! That's what that meat was tonight.
She's a piece of work.
She told me I had a proclivity.
What does that mean? Well, "proclivity" means I-I know the word, Frankie.
And what's with this giant TV? Where the hell did that come from? Axl blew his first paycheck on it, and I'm so mad.
L-Let's stay on Sue.
I don't even recognize her anymore.
Where's that little girl that used to ask me if I worked for God 'cause I'm so tall I can reach Heaven.
That little girl would give me the necklace.
Okay.
I'm gonna float an idea here.
I'm not saying it's true.
I'm just gonna spitball.
[SIGHS.]
Is it possible that [SIGHS.]
Maybe you're a little jealous? [SCOFFS.]
I'm not jealous! W-Well, what, I mean, look we both know that he made some good money selling the diaper business.
It's possible that he bought that necklace.
I-I mean, have you even talked to him? Why does everyone keep asking me that? I don't have to talk to him.
I know him.
I grew up with him.
I know him better than anybody, and I'm not trying to ruin their moment! I don't care if they have a moment.
I have plenty of moments with Sue.
Not recently, but you know what's a moment? When the cops knock down the door, yank that necklace from around her neck, and drag Rusty off.
That's a moment I would like to see.
Maybe I am jealous.
"yet what is most distinct about bottom-up investing is that it does not rely on the fortitude of the economy or even a particular economic sphere, but on one particular company.
" - Are you getting any of that? - No.
I thought you were a business major.
When will you stop throwing that in my face? [SIGHS.]
Okay.
Let's try another book.
No! I don't want to hear anymore of you reading to me.
Oh, you used to love it when I read to you.
You could not get enough of "The Dumb Bunnies.
" Do you remember that book? Yeah.
[CHUCKLES.]
Too bad there's no "Dumb Bunnies Teach Finance.
" This stuff might actually be fun to learn.
Yeah.
[SIGHS.]
Yeah.
We should do that.
Do what? We should write a book on finance that's fun and so simple that even kids and bozos like us could understand it.
I mean, we can't be the only ones going through this.
There's gotta be stupider people out there.
- There could be.
- Yeah.
Th-This really could be a thing.
I'm serious.
Yeah, we just need a cute mascot to teach this stuff.
- Mm.
- Like some animal that sounds good with finance.
Flounder.
Fred the Financial Flounder 'cause people are floundering with their money.
Yeah, or how about this "Banking With the Buttronauts.
" I think we all laughed at Flounder.
Oh, come on! I draw them awesome, and they're already trademarked.
You trademarked the Buttronauts? Um, hello? I'm a business major.
I just don't know how wide an appeal butt astronauts would have.
Butts are funny, and astronauts garner respect.
People will love learning from them.
- Butts are funny.
- Yeah.
We could have a an accountant Buttronaut.
He could wear glasses.
Glasses on a butt I don't know.
I do know.
Glasses on a butt is gold.
But butts don't have noses.
What's holding the glasses up? The crack is a perfect substitute for the nose.
It is right in the middle of the butt face, as it were.
A nose goes out.
A crack goes in.
It can't hold glasses.
You're thinking three-dimensionally, but in a book, cracks and noses have equal depth.
I mean, wow.
This is all falling into place.
Okay, so we need to write it on the most basic level.
Something so easy, even a kid could understand it.
How do we do that? Well, first you have to understand it on an adult level.
How do we do that? [SIGHS.]
[PHONE UNLOCKS.]
[ LINE RINGING.]
Hey, Rusty, I need you to get over here as soon as you can.
I gotta talk to you about something.
Sure, just give me the address again.
What the hell? What are you doing in my basement? Oh.
Well, I certainly taking pictures to put on Zillow.
[SIGHS.]
I need to know where you got that necklace.
Oh.
Does she not like it? 'Cause I can't give it back.
Oh, yeah? Why's that? Well, it was given to me.
It was given to you, huh? Yeah.
Dad gave it to me.
What? Remember when I got kicked out of the Marines and I came back and lived with Dad? Well, I saw the necklace, and I asked if I could have it so I can give it to my daughter someday.
But it looks like I'm never gonna have a daughter of my own, so Well, you don't know that for sure.
Eh, I'm 50.
You know, at this point, I pretty much know I don't have a family in my future.
That's why I came back from Tampa, to be closer to you.
Yeah, I was lonely, but then I realized that I do have a family.
You guys are my family.
That's why I gave Beth the necklace.
Who's Beth? That's your daughter.
Beth.
Her name is Sue.
Oh, I thought that was the little one's name.
- He's a boy.
- Huh.
You never heard of a boy named Sue? I heard of the song.
That's a song? Anyway, it was an extravagant gift that came out of nowhere, so Well, I just thought she should have it.
She deserves it.
I mean, things are tough enough for her going through life with a boy's name, you know? Plus, Mom would've wanted it that way.
What do you mean? Well, it was Mom's.
She wore it all the time.
Don't you remember? Yeah, I thought you'd remember.
Ahh.
You had more years with her than I did.
You know, I was always kinda jealous about that.
Rusty.
That was a very nice thing to do.
Well, doggone it if I don't look at her face and see Mom every time.
You must see that.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I do.
[SIGHS.]
Listen, um, I think that I judge you too harshly sometimes, and, uh, that's not really fair.
You're my brother, but I don't always Oh, Mike, you don't have to do that.
We're family.
We don't have to say words.
Plus, we have that bond.
Like right now.
Are you getting that? Doing that telepathy thing.
I'm telling you, "Get me a beer.
" Let's go.
I'll buy you one.
Hey! It worked! [CHUCKLES.]
That's the first time it ever worked.
Rusty, for all his crazy ideas, sometimes has a good one.
He wasn't wrong when it comes to family, you don't have to say the words.
You can just be.
Okay, new plan we're not getting anywhere with the books.
We're visual learners.
What does that mean? It means we learn from TV, so I got a movie I heard is all about finance.
We just pop it into that bad boy, and we are good to go.
It's called "Wolf of Wall Street.
" Oh.
[SIGHS.]
[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS.]
"These gifts are just a hint of my feelings for you.
There's so much I want to say, but I need to say it in person.
Meet me at the fountain at the park tomorrow, 2:00.
I can't wait.
"
Daddy just got paid.
And by "Daddy," I mean me, not the tall, beaten-down-looking guy in the flannel shirt.
Mm.
Well, good for you.
50 more years, and you can quit.
[CLICKS TONGUE.]
So, Dad, what did you get with your first paycheck? Well, I bought this belt.
Since you've already got a belt, do the responsible thing and put that in the bank.
Right, Frankie? Absolutely.
Okay, don't listen to him.
Listen to me.
You know how people say life is too short? Well, it's not.
It's too long, and there's no fun in it.
So, before you get sucked in to its black hole, take some of that money and buy yourself something nice.
It'll be our little secret.
Uh, I'm in the room.
Sweet! Just between you and I.
When I get my first paycheck, I'm gonna pay people to notice me! - [SIGHS.]
- What are you doing home? Well, it's my winter break.
Ah, yes.
You must be exhausted after those two weeks of school you had after your Christmas break.
Ugh, I know, right? I really am.
Even my sarcasm goes unnoticed.
Did you say something? I'm beginning to feel like a literary character I've recently discovered.
You see, there's this boy with a very round head, and he has a dog that sleeps on top of his doghouse.
Apparently, he was a World War I fighter pilot.
If you can suspend disbelief, it all works.
You're talking about Charlie Brown.
Then you've heard of it! Everyone has.
Great.
So I'm the last to know.
Will the indignities never end? Axl's getting paychecks, you're on a nonstop vacation.
Why is it never my turn? What does the universe have against me? [GLASS SHATTERS.]
It's okay, Brick! We can put up another picture of you.
[SIGHS.]
There is no other picture of me.
Mm.
Hey.
Lexie gave me her Netflix login.
You wanna watch a movie tonight? Unlike you, who's always on vacation, I have homework to do.
I'll watch a movie with you.
Oh.
Great.
If you're looking for a pop, I just grabbed the last one.
Good grief! [DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE.]
Okay, I got it down to "Undercover Justice: Special Ops," or something about a guy and a girl in a cheese shop.
I vote for "Undercover Justice.
" Me, too.
Chris Pine is in it.
- He is so cute! - Mm-hmm.
And I hear he never drinks out of plastic bottles.
[ ADVENTURE MOVIE-STYLE MUSIC PLAYS.]
[ GUNFIRE.]
MAN: [ GRUNTS, PANTS.]
Doesn't look like we're gonna make it out of this.
WOMAN: [ OUOF BREATH.]
No, it doesn't.
Hey.
Are you crying, Sergeant? [ TEARFUL.]
I'm not just a sergeant.
I'm a woman.
I've noticed.
[ SULTRY MUSIC PLAYS.]
[ KISSING AND MOANING.]
Oh! Right there! Oh, my God.
Uh-huh! [ MOANING.]
How was the movie with Sue? Did you stay awake through the whole thing? Oh, I stayed awake all right.
Oh! What does that mean? Well, I saw a little bit more of Chris Pine than I bargained for.
Oh, really? Was there a sex scene? Oh, sheesh.
Ask me what wasn't a sex scene.
It'll take less time.
It was uncomfortable, Frankie.
I didn't appreciate watching that with my daughter.
Well, why'd you pick that movie? It was called "Undercover Justice: Special Ops.
" I assumed it was a war movie.
And by the way, they weren't under the covers, not even once.
Well, shake it off.
It was one awkward night.
Well, it wasn't the movie.
It was I was just trying to spend a little time with Sue.
Why? That's not like you.
Yeah, well She wanted someone to watch with, and lately it seems like she just doesn't hang out with me as much.
Are you sad? Are you feeling feelings of sadness? Aww! This is why I don't tell you stuff.
No, no, no.
I like it when you talk to me.
I won't think you're cute.
I promise.
Go on.
Well, just lately she [CLICKS TONGUE.]
doesn't return my texts half the time.
She hasn't made me a scrapbook in years.
Mm-hmm.
If you hug me, I'm not talking to you anymore.
Okay.
Listen.
You had it really easy with her when she was little.
She would follow you around, clean the gutters with you just to be with you.
She's grown up now, and she's got other stuff going on, so you just have to find new ways to connect with her.
[SIGHS.]
Well, I've tried making conversation, but it's like driving.
If I don't think about it, I'm fine, but as soon as I think about it, I can't stay in my own lane.
I'm swerving.
I never used to have to think about it with her, and now I do, and I'm all over the road.
Aww.
You'll find it.
You'll see.
In the meantime, how 'bout a little "Undercover Justice" before work? - Hmm? - No.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm kidding.
I have my hard-to-button pants on.
I'm not doing those up again.
[RUMBLING, GLASSES SHAKING.]
[RUMBLING INTENSIFIES.]
[RUMBLING STOPS.]
Huh? You likey? What is this?! Told me to take my first paycheck and treat myself.
I meant like a milkshake! Relax! I had that, too.
Wh How could you do this? Do what? Oh, you're right.
I'm sorry.
I'm not being clear.
This! This! This! It was your idea! Remember you said it'd be our little secret.
You gotta take this back.
I can't.
It was final sale.
Oh, my God.
Your dad was right.
I was an idiot to think that you could be trusted with your own money! Mom, I know what I'm doing, all right? I just gave this whole speech to Lexie about how we have to not spend so much.
You're a man now, Axl.
What, are you gonna live here forever? You're gonna get married, have kids, and you're all just gonna live in this room? "Hey, Daddy, who's the small man whispering in the corner?" "Oh, that's your Uncle Brick.
He lives here, too.
" Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! What am I gonna do?! I'm doomed! This is all your fault! You gave me bad advice.
You gave me your bad money-management gene.
- What?! - Yeah! You can't balance a checkbook.
You leave your wallet in the freezer! That's menopause! [SIGHS.]
Okay.
Pointing fingers isn't gonna solve anything.
I mean, you're right.
The truth is I have never been good with money either.
Maybe this whole TV thing is a-a wake-up call.
Maybe we can learn to be financially responsible together, right? Keep an eye on each other, like checks and balances.
That's a thing, right? I think so.
I thought you were a business major! You said no pointing fingers! You're right.
We're in this together.
And what's most important is, we don't need to tell your dad about it.
[CLICKS TONGUE.]
Frankie So, Mike began his quest to connect with his child.
I'm going to school now.
Whatever.
Not that one.
You're getting to be a good little sandwich maker there.
You want some? Nope.
Unless you want me to have it.
- Okay.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Bye.
RUSTY: Ah, there you are.
Rusty? What are you doing here? Waiting six hours for you to come out.
Well, why didn't you knock on the front door? Ah, I thought you'd pick up my vibe.
Remember how we always had that special brotherly bond where we could read each other's minds? - No.
- I knew you were gonna say no.
[CHUCKLES.]
So, what are you doing back in town? Last I heard, you were in Tampa.
Yeah, see? You got that.
That's 'cause you told me.
How long you here for? Oh, I'm here to stay.
Gonna move back in with Dad.
You and me can hang out and do stuff together.
You wanna go go-karting? We're 50.
Want to go get colonoscopies? Okay, well, this is the first problem.
You can't be on the road to financial peace unless you have a place to keep all your stuff.
See, I put all my receipts and bills in one place so I know where everything is.
Ohh.
Yeah.
Okay, who's the first victim? I'll go.
Got nothing to hide.
Okay.
Why did you buy a snow cone machine? That seems pretty self-explanatory.
Your turn.
Wow.
What did you blow $2,017 on? That's the date.
Oh.
Hey, remember how I said I was tired of being ignored? No.
Was I in the room? Well, I think the universe is bestowing gifts upon me to make up for it.
Every time I open the front door, there's a new delight waiting for me.
I don't know why it's happening.
I'm just gonna enjoy it.
Ye I'm confused about this you spend so much money on groceries, but we don't eat well, like, ever.
Yeah, see, I keep buying food thinking I'm gonna cook, and then I get tired, and I just get takeout.
Oh.
Takeout's a pretty big one for me, too.
Maybe we could both cut back on that.
I can start brown bagging my lunch.
Yeah! And new rule I don't buy any new food until everything in the freezer is gone.
Sounds like we got a plan.
It does! In the meantime, let's get you organized.
Here.
Okay.
We are killing it! Ha! [SIGHS.]
All right, two of us are having waffles.
Ooh, cut the corner off that top one.
I don't like the look of that.
Oh, and that meat over there? Could be cake.
I'm only warning you because, even though cake is delicious, it's a weird sensation if you're expecting meat.
What's going on here? Oh, we're not wasting food anymore.
So we're gonna eat everything that's in the freezer.
So, Uncle Rusty, whatcha been up to lately? Oh, I was in Tampa renting out Jet Skis.
They weren't my Jet Skis, they were another guy's, so that became a problem.
But I got something better I'm working on now.
Better than stealing another guy's Jet Skis? Well, that remains to be seen.
But you guys know what bubble wrap is? Well, I'm making bubble-wrap clothes for old people because they're always falling down, breaking their old bones, but if you wrap 'em real tight with bubble wrap, they're protected.
Also, it'll get the grandkids over more because little kids love to pop bubble wrap.
[CHUCKLES.]
Like you, little boy.
Do you like to pop bubble wrap? I'm 16.
I shave.
But yes.
Which brings me to why I came today.
Okay, trust me when I tell you, Rusty, we're not in a position to give you any money.
No, I don't need any money.
I just came by to bring something special for the girl.
[GASPS.]
Oh! For me? Well, I certainly wouldn't call her a "girl.
" [LAUGHS.]
Is it for my birthday next month? Oh, sure.
Oh, thank you, but I don't smoke.
Not that I judge people who do.
That's a lie.
I judge them.
I judge them very much.
Oh, no, cigarettes will kill you.
No, I-I never touch them.
Yeah, I only smoked the 20 that were in here on the way over to make room for the gift.
Hmm.
Ooh! [GASPS.]
Ahh! Oh, my God.
Oh, it's beautiful! It look so real, like the kind of necklace you need a salesperson at Zales to open up the case to look at.
Yeah.
It is real.
Wh Oh, my God.
Look.
FRANKIE: Ooh! Oh! Rusty, it's a ruby necklace.
Rusty, that is beautiful.
[SQUEALING.]
Oh, thank you! [CHUCKLES.]
Look at that.
[SQUEALS.]
[HUMMING.]
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
[SQUEALS.]
Hey, Dad, great news.
The necklace goes with almost all my clothes.
I have a lot of stuff with hearts on it, and apples, weirdly.
Yeah.
Sue, um listen, you know Uncle Rusty's history.
I'm not sure what the deal is with that necklace.
Oh, no, no.
It is definitely real.
[GASPS.]
Look at my neck, huh? Not green at all.
Yeah, well, if it's real, that could be a bigger problem.
Could be hot.
"Hot"? Hot.
What do you mean "hot"? You don't know that "hot" means "stolen"? Well, you don't have to make me feel bad about it.
I'm not trying to make you feel Never mind.
I just need you to give me the necklace so I can give it back to Rusty.
What? No.
Okay, I'm sorry, Dad, but you always assume the worst with Uncle Rusty, and I am just not an assume-the-worst kind of person.
Did you even talk to him? You heard what he said about the Jet Skis, right? I just think you have a certain proclivity for thinking your brother is a criminal.
This was a nice moment between me and Uncle Rusty, and I'm not sure why you're trying to ruin it.
Bye.
[HANDLE BREAKS.]
Where the hell did this TV come from?! [SIGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
You're not gonna believe this.
I told Sue to give me the necklace so I can give it back to Rusty, and she said no.
What is going on with her? She's like a different person.
Why would you give the necklace back to Rusty? [SCOFFS.]
Oh, come on.
He probably grifted it off some old lady in Tampa.
That's why he's suddenly back in town.
He's on the lam.
Lamb! That's what that meat was tonight.
She's a piece of work.
She told me I had a proclivity.
What does that mean? Well, "proclivity" means I-I know the word, Frankie.
And what's with this giant TV? Where the hell did that come from? Axl blew his first paycheck on it, and I'm so mad.
L-Let's stay on Sue.
I don't even recognize her anymore.
Where's that little girl that used to ask me if I worked for God 'cause I'm so tall I can reach Heaven.
That little girl would give me the necklace.
Okay.
I'm gonna float an idea here.
I'm not saying it's true.
I'm just gonna spitball.
[SIGHS.]
Is it possible that [SIGHS.]
Maybe you're a little jealous? [SCOFFS.]
I'm not jealous! W-Well, what, I mean, look we both know that he made some good money selling the diaper business.
It's possible that he bought that necklace.
I-I mean, have you even talked to him? Why does everyone keep asking me that? I don't have to talk to him.
I know him.
I grew up with him.
I know him better than anybody, and I'm not trying to ruin their moment! I don't care if they have a moment.
I have plenty of moments with Sue.
Not recently, but you know what's a moment? When the cops knock down the door, yank that necklace from around her neck, and drag Rusty off.
That's a moment I would like to see.
Maybe I am jealous.
"yet what is most distinct about bottom-up investing is that it does not rely on the fortitude of the economy or even a particular economic sphere, but on one particular company.
" - Are you getting any of that? - No.
I thought you were a business major.
When will you stop throwing that in my face? [SIGHS.]
Okay.
Let's try another book.
No! I don't want to hear anymore of you reading to me.
Oh, you used to love it when I read to you.
You could not get enough of "The Dumb Bunnies.
" Do you remember that book? Yeah.
[CHUCKLES.]
Too bad there's no "Dumb Bunnies Teach Finance.
" This stuff might actually be fun to learn.
Yeah.
[SIGHS.]
Yeah.
We should do that.
Do what? We should write a book on finance that's fun and so simple that even kids and bozos like us could understand it.
I mean, we can't be the only ones going through this.
There's gotta be stupider people out there.
- There could be.
- Yeah.
Th-This really could be a thing.
I'm serious.
Yeah, we just need a cute mascot to teach this stuff.
- Mm.
- Like some animal that sounds good with finance.
Flounder.
Fred the Financial Flounder 'cause people are floundering with their money.
Yeah, or how about this "Banking With the Buttronauts.
" I think we all laughed at Flounder.
Oh, come on! I draw them awesome, and they're already trademarked.
You trademarked the Buttronauts? Um, hello? I'm a business major.
I just don't know how wide an appeal butt astronauts would have.
Butts are funny, and astronauts garner respect.
People will love learning from them.
- Butts are funny.
- Yeah.
We could have a an accountant Buttronaut.
He could wear glasses.
Glasses on a butt I don't know.
I do know.
Glasses on a butt is gold.
But butts don't have noses.
What's holding the glasses up? The crack is a perfect substitute for the nose.
It is right in the middle of the butt face, as it were.
A nose goes out.
A crack goes in.
It can't hold glasses.
You're thinking three-dimensionally, but in a book, cracks and noses have equal depth.
I mean, wow.
This is all falling into place.
Okay, so we need to write it on the most basic level.
Something so easy, even a kid could understand it.
How do we do that? Well, first you have to understand it on an adult level.
How do we do that? [SIGHS.]
[PHONE UNLOCKS.]
[ LINE RINGING.]
Hey, Rusty, I need you to get over here as soon as you can.
I gotta talk to you about something.
Sure, just give me the address again.
What the hell? What are you doing in my basement? Oh.
Well, I certainly taking pictures to put on Zillow.
[SIGHS.]
I need to know where you got that necklace.
Oh.
Does she not like it? 'Cause I can't give it back.
Oh, yeah? Why's that? Well, it was given to me.
It was given to you, huh? Yeah.
Dad gave it to me.
What? Remember when I got kicked out of the Marines and I came back and lived with Dad? Well, I saw the necklace, and I asked if I could have it so I can give it to my daughter someday.
But it looks like I'm never gonna have a daughter of my own, so Well, you don't know that for sure.
Eh, I'm 50.
You know, at this point, I pretty much know I don't have a family in my future.
That's why I came back from Tampa, to be closer to you.
Yeah, I was lonely, but then I realized that I do have a family.
You guys are my family.
That's why I gave Beth the necklace.
Who's Beth? That's your daughter.
Beth.
Her name is Sue.
Oh, I thought that was the little one's name.
- He's a boy.
- Huh.
You never heard of a boy named Sue? I heard of the song.
That's a song? Anyway, it was an extravagant gift that came out of nowhere, so Well, I just thought she should have it.
She deserves it.
I mean, things are tough enough for her going through life with a boy's name, you know? Plus, Mom would've wanted it that way.
What do you mean? Well, it was Mom's.
She wore it all the time.
Don't you remember? Yeah, I thought you'd remember.
Ahh.
You had more years with her than I did.
You know, I was always kinda jealous about that.
Rusty.
That was a very nice thing to do.
Well, doggone it if I don't look at her face and see Mom every time.
You must see that.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I do.
[SIGHS.]
Listen, um, I think that I judge you too harshly sometimes, and, uh, that's not really fair.
You're my brother, but I don't always Oh, Mike, you don't have to do that.
We're family.
We don't have to say words.
Plus, we have that bond.
Like right now.
Are you getting that? Doing that telepathy thing.
I'm telling you, "Get me a beer.
" Let's go.
I'll buy you one.
Hey! It worked! [CHUCKLES.]
That's the first time it ever worked.
Rusty, for all his crazy ideas, sometimes has a good one.
He wasn't wrong when it comes to family, you don't have to say the words.
You can just be.
Okay, new plan we're not getting anywhere with the books.
We're visual learners.
What does that mean? It means we learn from TV, so I got a movie I heard is all about finance.
We just pop it into that bad boy, and we are good to go.
It's called "Wolf of Wall Street.
" Oh.
[SIGHS.]
[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS.]
"These gifts are just a hint of my feelings for you.
There's so much I want to say, but I need to say it in person.
Meet me at the fountain at the park tomorrow, 2:00.
I can't wait.
"