Bob's Burgers s09e18 Episode Script

1 LOUISE (as Kuchi Kopi): We meet again, Dodomeki.
It is time for us to go on the really big quest.
Together.
LOUISE (as Dodomeki): Yes, Kuchi Kopi.
We're finding that, um, that amulet and it won't be easy.
So here we go.
-Pew! -Wait, why'd you make that sound? Oh, never mind, I don't know.
Pretend I didn't do that.
Well, that's impossible.
It was really distracting and kind of forced, or something.
Sorry, it's just hard to get into this for some reason.
It's fine, we're fine.
Let's just do the thing.
- Hey, Louise.
You okay? - Huh? What? Yeah.
Of course I'm okay, I'm great.
This is going great.
Okay, well, time for breakfast.
Mom's exact words were, "Guess what time it is.
Egg thirty.
" Um, unless I'm interrupting.
Uh, no, I was just wrapping up.
- So, we're having eggs? - No.
- Oh.
- But yeah, it's egg thirty.
Okay, kids.
I packed you an extra delicious exotic lunch for your field trip today.
It's chunky peanut butter, huh? Ooh la la.
Louise, you excited? Your first time going to the marionette theater.
Easy, Mom.
You're setting Louise up for disappointment.
What? I thought you loved that place.
It's the greatest show on strings.
Eh not the greatest, actually.
It's the same not-so-great show every year.
No matter how bored you are, don't fall asleep.
The puppets follow you into your dreams! No, it's fun.
Remember, Bob? We took Gene and Tina there when they were little? - It's great, right? - Uh, it's bad.
- It was a bad day.
- Bob.
What? It was long and boring and made me want to stop supporting the arts and start actively working against them.
I'm sure it'll be fine.
Anything's better than being at school.
I mean, you'd think so Aw, you're all a bunch of puppet poopers.
I wish I was a marionette.
Someone doing all the work for me, moving my arms and legs around.
Wah, wah, wah, wah.
Wah, wah, wah Well, there's your beautiful bride, Dad.
- Ah, you get what you get.
- Wah, wah, wah FROND: Okay.
For those of you who haven't been to the Esther Margaret Marionette-Odeum, here's the rundown.
We start the day with a glorious puppet show.
Was hoping for a little more reaction there, but okay.
Next, there's a puppet-building workshop.
- And finally, you'll perform - ZEKE: Whoo, yeah! - Uh, a bit late on that, Zeke.
- Oh, got it.
I'll get it next time.
Keep doing what you're doing.
Uh, uh, okay.
Anyway, then you'll break off into groups and perform your own puppet show for each other.
Anything to add, Ms.
Labonz? Don't bring me into this.
Oh, okay.
Uh, let's go inside.
Well, let's just get through this, right, Zeke? If I die of boredom, tell my story.
You know I will.
Oh, come on.
It's a puppet show.
It can't be that bad.
PUPPETEERS: Stamp, stamp, stamp, stamp Stamp, stamp, stamp And that's a song about stamps.
- Oh, my God.
- (groans, gasps) Well, hello there.
I'm Stampson.
And as you can see, I've been to some pretty interesting places.
I guess you could say that I really like stamps.
But who doesn't? Does anyone here know where I could find a stamp? Is that Ron the health inspector? - Oh, yeah.
- Did he get arrested? Is this community service? Look, a box.
And it's lost.
BOX: Hey, everyone.
Which way to Milwaukee? We'll tell you, but first, you need a Stamp, stamp, stamp, stamp, stamp, stamp, stamp Dear Lord, make me a bird so I can fly far.
Far, far away from here.
- (muffled chatter) - Huh.
- Lin, look at this guy.
- Oh.
What's he doing? What's he wearing? - Great show, it's a rave.
- Hi.
Uh, can I help you? Or is it: can I help you? BOB: Supercala-Rave-A-Glowstick? Mm-hmm.
Thursdays are 18-plus rave nights at the Dance Hole.
- Dubstep, trip-trance.
- Uh-huh, yeah.
Right.
- Electro-hop, doo-wop-hop.
- Yeah, right.
Right, I-I got it.
- Polynesian speed gospel.
- I got it.
Sir, I got it.
Um, can I ask you if you wouldn't mind not flyering here? I mean, flyers are great, but you're kind of standing right in front of my restaurant.
- Oh, uh, my bad.
- Thanks.
- But I can't move.
- What? W-Why? My boss told me to flyer right here in this spot.
And he said he's gonna come by and check on me.
And if I'm not in this exact spot, I won't get paid.
Well, that seems ridiculous.
Just move 20 feet that way.
- I'm sure he won't care.
- He was very specific, okay? I can't risk it.
I need the money for this little dude's medical bills.
- BOB: Is that a - It's a ferret.
My ferret, Karat.
- Okay - He's really old, but he's still got a lot of spunk.
- Check it.
- Oh, wow.
H-He's okay with being put in a shoe? He likes it.
It's where he goes to the bathroom.
It's my roommate's shoe.
- Ride the rave.
- No, no, no.
No.
Don't cross the street.
He-he won't give you a flyer.
- He was just leaving.
- I have to give 'em a flyer.
Bob, what's going on out here? Apparently, this guy needs to hand out flyers right in front of the restaurant.
Can't you just move half a block up that way? -I just gave him the same suggestion.
-Yeah, he already said that exact thing.
I can't.
Well, should we just pick him up and move him? You mean, like, each take a side? Don't do that.
I'll make myself heavy.
- Look.
(grunting) - Oh, yeah.
- Look at that.
- Hmm.
Okay, students.
Quiet down.
Let's give a big hand to the woman who made this all possible, Ms.
Esther Margaret! - (applause) - Hello, children.
Welcome back to the place where imagination comes with strings attached.
(giggling) So, find a spot on the floor.
It's time to build your own marionette magic.
Any questions, just ask one of our seasoned volunteers.
Wait, is this it? She just wants us to put stickers on these? They stay if you press really hard.
If only that were true of men, huh, sister? - Is there a problem here? - Um, no.
- It just seems kind of - What? You don't like building puppets? I mean, if that's what you're calling this.
- Ron.
This one needs help.
- Yeah? Oh, so, uh Uh, one might want to put a sticker here.
O-Or maybe here.
Ron, I know how stickers work.
- GENE: Brag.
- You know what? Where's the bathroom? Uh, it's down the hall, to the left.
Great, thanks.
Ugh, the kids get worse and worse every year.
- But people keep making them.
- What? (scoffs) I don't need help.
You need help, lady.
Huh? Uh, that room's off-limits.
What was that puppet? -It's, uh -None of your business is what it is.
Now go do your business.
If you haven't done it in your diapers already.
Easy, lady.
If you don't want us to go in that room, you should have Oh, now I'm seeing the sign.
I was just thinking, little girl.
- Louise.
- Uh-huh.
Since the puppet workshop isn't holding your attention, I'm assigning you with a very special job all your own.
- How's that sound? - Judging by your tone, - it sounds - That was a rhetorical question.
Come with me.
This is our tech booth.
Usually smells like whatever weird thing Dot's eating.
(mouth full): That's me.
Hi.
Dot, I thought you could use an extra helper in the booth today.
- This is Loosie.
- Louise.
- No one's named "Loosie.
" - I must've heard wrong.
Anyway, you two have fun.
- See you at showtime.
- Wait, wait, wait (sighs) - Dried fish skin? - What? No.
Sorry, I chew with my mouth open 'cause I can't breathe through my nose.
- (choking) - Oh.
- Sorry.
(gagging) - Great.
Well, welcome to master control.
(chuckles) So, am I here as punishment? I don't know.
Wait.
Am I? Oh, wow.
Anyway, well, yeah, let me give you the tour.
Well, there's the master tape deck, cassette library, fog machine, sound mixer and, uh - that's the lighting board.
- What? - That one switch? - Yeah, it's got a dimmer.
Well, tour's over.
Are you good or should I do it again? Oh! I got a flashlight.
- Now we're cooking, huh? - (groans) - What's taking Louise so long? - If Dad's taught us one thing, it's not to comment on how long someone's taking in the bathroom.
(whispering): Your sister's been reassigned - to the tech booth with Dot.
- What? Oh, no.
The Tech Booth with Dot? I hate that podcast.
Hey, while we're waiting for the shows to start, want to listen to my beats? I've been making beats on my phone.
- I mean - Check it out.
I call this one "Can I Sell My Bed On Craigslist?" (chuckles) (instrumental beat playing) That's a-a funky beat.
I keep asking Esther if we can use one of my beats in the show, but I'm starting to think that'll never happen.
Well, that's her loss, Dot.
Hey, what can you tell me about that cool puppet in the "do not enter" room? You know, the one with all the shiny colors - and the arms and ? - Oh, that's Vladikus.
Don't let Esther catch you looking at that puppet.
(sighs) Too late.
What's the deal? Is she jealous she can't make something as cool as that? No, Esther did make that puppet.
- No way.
- Yes way.
She used to do all sorts of cool shows with all sorts of crazy puppets - back in the day.
- Whoa.
DOT: Well, those pants made more sense back then.
Why did Esther stop using Vladikus? I don't know.
She just stopped.
Uh-oh, it's time for another beat, I think! I call this "Where Did I Leave My Bra? - I Only Have One.
Oh, There It Is.
" - (beat playing) Oh, God! Oh, God Look at him.
He's freaking out.
(sighs) I guess I should check on him.
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God! - Uh, are you okay? - My ferret is gonna die, man! Oh, what? Karat? Yes! My roommate was supposed to give him his medicine.
But apparently, she's not "comfortable putting suppositories up his anus.
" Well, then, go.
Y-You leaving seems like a great idea for everyone.
I can't, I told you.
I'll get fired.
(sighs) I really don't think your boss is gonna check on you.
I can't risk it.
This job is all I have.
This job and Karat.
Oh! Can you help me? Be me.
Just pass out my flyers so I can go keep - my best friend alive.
- Uh, wait.
I, um I promise I'll be right back.
It'll be so fast.
Uh You'll look more like me if you wear this.
W-Wait.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Hey! U-Uh, come back! - Oh, Bobby.
What happened? - (sighs) I-I don't know.
- Do you want a flyer? - Ew, no.
Okay, children.
Time for you to become the storytellers.
So let your imagination run wild within the boundaries we've set for you.
And remember scripts are the words that you say in the show.
- I don't need you to do that.
- Uh Oh.
Um, it looks like most of it's written, but then there are these blank spaces? - It's like Mad Libs.
- More like Sad Libs.
(laughs) Who's with me? - (laughing) - Yeah.
- Oh, okay.
Get over here! - Ow.
Zeke! Okay, let's see what we got here.
"I'm Princess blank.
I live in the Kingdom of blank.
Oh, look.
There's Prince blank.
" That's easy.
Fart, pudding, ding-dong, done.
Hey, look what you made.
That guy could be Vladikus' cousin if Vladikus was made out of electrical cords and tape.
- Hey, make it dance.
- Oh, I don't know.
I can't really - Try not to dance to this.
- (beat playing) It's called "My Prescription Will Be Ready When It's Ready, I Guess.
" Ooh, ah, ooh, ah.
Okay.
Looks a little awkward, but you're getting it, huh? You want to show your little friends? Are they, uh, open-minded? Uh, do you, uh, like to, uh, rave? Yeah, yeah, I-I understand.
You still doing this? Ugh.
He said he'd be right back.
Here's a fl a flyer.
Flyer.
Uh, rave? I guess I'm just not good at this.
Bob, you shouldn't be doing this at all, but if you're gonna do it, do it better.
You got to be more confident.
Use your wrist.
You flick it.
Flick it out.
- Okay, like - Like a booger.
Uh You know, when you're laying in bed at night.
Wait, you flick your boogers in bed? Yeah, I just Yeah, just into the radiator.
That's disgu Into the radiator? - Yeah, it burns 'em off.
- What? Yeah, my mom taught me how.
All right, I'm going to ignore that, 'cause I can't think about that right now.
- Here's my flick.
Heh! - Oh, cool flyer.
There you go, Bobby.
Good one.
Oh, here comes someone else.
- Go, go, go, go, go.
- Ha! - Ooh.
- Ha! - Okay, ooh-hoo - Boom! Bow! You're a friggin' frequent flyer.
Louise, you're not supposed to be out here.
- I know, but - Loosie, get in the booth.
The first group is about to perform.
Oh, my God, what is that scrap pile? It's a puppet I made.
Uh-huh.
With six legs.
And you came up with that design all by yourself? - Well, I mean - We both know that you didn't.
Okay, fine, I borrowed a few ideas from the puppet in the forbidden room.
What's your problem, lady? I think I made it pretty clear that you're my problem.
Hey, the arm and the string came off my (laughs) I'm your problem? I'm assuming you're a lot of people's problem.
I'll make it work.
You know, judging by your attitude, I think it's quite clear that you don't want to be here.
I got news for you, lady.
- No one wants to be here! - (all gasping) Including you, apparently.
What kind of place does the same show for 30 years? Maybe Phantom of the Opera? Sorry.
Also, Les Mis ran forever.
Don't forget Cats.
Yes, many musicals.
But this place is a soul-sucking cycle of suck! (Gene and Tina groan) Get out.
You are banned from this theater.
What? You can't ban me.
This is a field trip.
No, you can be banned.
Go sit on the bus with Ms.
Labonz.
Great! Wonderful! Sitting on the bus will be better than watching this crap show! Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup.
We totally had Louise's back, right? You mean with the not speaking up or having her back in any way? Yeah.
LOUISE: Ugh.
Who even wants to be at a place where a bunch of dumb junk on strings gets dragged around anyway? I'm not a cat.
Pipe down, Louise, you're in trouble.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Dip, dip, dip.
- Double dip.
Dip.
- What is that? It's a game called Dippin' Chips.
You have to dip chips into different kinds off dip.
I'm on level 544.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Double dip.
Double dip.
Yes! Hey, Ms.
Labonz, would you say all grown-ups give up and just become awful? Some do, and then some of us just keep getting more amazing every day.
Now, let me dip in peace.
"And Princess Puppet and Princess Girl lived happily ever after in the Kingdom of blank.
" Oh, we we forgot to fill that one in.
So let's just say Jocelyn.
The end.
Thank you.
Great.
Okay, quickly, quickly Poor Louise.
I feel like we should go see if she's okay.
Yeah, but how do we get past Mr.
Frond and Esther? They're blocking the exits.
- You want to sneak out? - BOTH: Ah! Sorry.
Um, I can help.
Why do you want to help us? Are you wearing a wire? No.
Esther was too hard on your sister, and-and everyone, really.
Follow me.
Where are you taking the Christmas village, Ron? There's a-a spider.
A spider's on it, and, uh, I'm gonna go shake it off outside.
Okay.
(loudly): Go on.
Uh, get out of here, spider.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Dip.
Double dip.
Trip-dip! You bet your ass that's a trip-dip.
GENE (quietly): Psst! Louise.
What are you guys doing here? We came to visit you in bus jail.
What's going on back there, Louise? Nothing.
Just thinking about all the bad stuff I did.
-Good.
-You guys got to get me out of here.
I want to go back in and tangle some strings, so to speak.
Uh, Louise, I'm not sure this is the best idea.
Shh.
Here, I'm gonna slip out the window.
-You guys catch me.
-BOTH: No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- LABONZ: No! - I wasn't doing anything.
Oh, I missed a trip-dip.
- I'm gonna drop.
Ready? - GENE: No.
- Oof.
- GENE: Ow, my boob.
Huh? - Dipsy-doodle time! - Hell yeah! You want one.
Hey, empty fingers.
- Looking at you.
- Bob, I'm bored.
Are you coming back in? Lin, what if the guy's boss comes back to check on him? Plus, I think I'm really good at this.
- Oh, my God! - Oh, no.
Hey, Trev, look at Bob.
He's handing out flyers, and he's dressed like a crossing guard from Narnia.
- Ha.
Boom! - Ha.
Narnia, it's a magical place.
- (laughing) - Shut up, Jimmy.
For your information, Jimmy, Bob's helping out someone who has a sick carrot.
Lin, it's a ferret, not a carrot.
Oh, that makes more sense.
Sick ferret, Jimmy! You know what, Jimmy, I don't care what you say, because I'm the best damn flyerer Oh, my God, I just dropped all the flyers.
Ha! You're dumb.
LINDA: Aw, they're flying.
Hey, that's why they call them flyers.
Ha! All right, I'm done.
Okay, so, what's your plan? Just watch the show and sarcastically applaud? LOUISE: Nope.
TINA: Well, I know we're not gonna go in there, since it says "do not enter.
" -So, what else? What else? Hmm.
-We're going in there.
TINA: Damn it.
Psst! Dot.
We've got some new cues for the next show.
Did you say new "poos"? New cues.
Oh.
Cool.
Ah, there you are.
Okay.
Now you're only one little troublemaker short.
I'll fill in for her.
Try to keep up.
Dot! (hissing) What the ? Uh (coughs) Oh, no.
I was told that there would be no fog machines.
- (beat playing) - Dot, we talked about this.
- Cool.
- Nice.
Oh, yeah, I'm feeling that.
(gasps) Vladikus.
Just what do you think you're doing? You think you can out-puppet me? Think again.
Well, then, string it on, Mother Puppeter.
RUDY: Looks like we got ourselves an old-fashioned (inhales sharply) puppet battle.
You think you can handle that puppet? Pinochi-oh-no-I-don't-think-so.
LOUISE: Oh, really, Miss Poopit Master, who locked me up for 30 years? ESTHER: What? She locked you away for reasons you wouldn't understand! - LOUISE: What? - I said you wouldn't understand! Dot, turn down the beats! You got it! - (volume lowers) - So why did she lock me up? Look, things just changed.
Why? Because she gave up? No.
Er, yes.
Er, I don't know.
She got older, and at some point, the puppets just stopped talking to her.
So she put her favorite ones away and stuck with the easier shows.
The easier show was stamps? Stamps, yes.
Kids love stamps.
Everybody knows that.
So, that's what happens? People put away their favorite puppets, and kids just stop playing with their toys? It just goes away? Well, maybe it didn't have to.
I mean, maybe it only goes away if you let it.
Oh, dang, that's deep.
Starting to tear up over here.
Oh, Vladikus, I do miss you.
I'm sorry I hid you away.
-Are those puppets gonna make out? -Hot.
Here, you take him.
Hello, old friend.
-Dot, more fog.
Bring the music back up.
-On it! (volume increases) This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
Wow, look at her go.
Wait, where'd she go? Is she even in this room anymore? - ESTHER: Whoa! Oh! - (crashing) Oh, God, Esther, I should have dialed back on the fog.
- How bad is it? - Just a couple of bruised ribs.
- Well, four.
Is four a couple? - Wait, Esther.
I thought you might want to take this guy with you in the ambulance.
- Oh, thank you, Loosie.
- Louise.
I'm glad we had our epic puppet battle.
Maybe I should change things up at this old theater.
Ooh, did you see that? - See what? - Vladikus winked at me.
Whoa! He did it again.
Watch, watch, watch.
There.
Aha! We gave her drugs.
All right, students, back on the bus.
Hey, what are you doing in here? My job.
Um, sorry, you just took too long.
- He dropped the flyers.
- Lin What? Oh, God, this is a disaster! Nobody's gonna check on you.
Hey, why aren't you out front? I told you I was gonna check on you.
- Oh.
- Uh, he was outside.
Uh, but he ran out.
Of flyers.
Oh, really? Oh, yeah, he was so great.
Right, Bob? - I mean, he was okay.
- Oh, shush.
Wow.
Uh, okay.
I knew this would be a busy spot.
So, uh, same time here tomorrow? Wait, wait, wait.
He-he can't, uh, he Uh, you know what, he'd actually do a lot better in front of that Italian place across the street.
- Right, Lin? - Oh, yeah, yeah.
More sun over there, more people walk over there.
Oh, this side is so dreary.
It's like a cemetery.
I mean, it's not like a cemetery.
You know what, done.
Other side of the street tomorrow.
I'll send two guys.
And, uh, can I have my hat back? I'm going on a date tonight.
Oh, here it is, right here in my hand.
Uh, by the way, someone perspired in it, um, a lot.
- Uh, that guy did.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Gross.
Hey, Louise, you think you might want to become a volunteer puppeteer after today? You had the moves, kinda.
I don't know.
There's only so many times you can reunite an old lady with her long-lost puppet.
Yeah, six.
All I know is, when we get home, this little fella's gonna do battle with the Kuch.
I hope you know kung fu, babe.
Uh-oh, he's shaking his head.
Oh, that's nice.
Dot let you take that stuff from the tech booth? Uh, yeah, she absolutely did.
Now let's all just sit quietly and, um, stare ahead.
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